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00:01And he's waiting for me, praying for me, down by the Swanee.
00:07The folks at North will see me no more when I go to the Swanee shore.
00:14Cut! Cut!
00:17Do you think this is racist?
00:19Well, not, sir.
00:20Do you?
00:22Bastards at the BBC do.
00:25Bastards.
00:28It's a bit strong.
00:54The Good Guy.
00:56The Good Guy, he knows libert Geschichte.
01:02I don't want to make any of this.
01:06I wanted to try it.
01:21That's what I said!
01:23Teamwork.
01:24The Good Guy.
01:26Exactly. Ray and I were discussing the same thing.
01:30Something like the Morgan Weiss Christmas shows where you have Valdunican,
01:33the ladybirds, the spinners, the seaside special stuff, Jeff Richer.
01:37The mixtures, the fortunes, all that sort of stuff.
01:41The big shoes.
01:42The big shoes. Elements that are missing from television today.
01:47Mark, what's that, mate? What's up?
01:49Edward. What's happening to him?
01:53They fed him dried lentils and then he drank some water and it just went all plump.
02:01He needs a ton.
02:03Don't touch him loud, please.
02:05See, what I'm looking for is a police operational special.
02:09Bit of drama, bit of excitement, screeching tyres, cars racing, bit of undercover work.
02:14And he starts off about Rolf Harris and Seaside special.
02:17I mean, it's very sweet. But it's a bloody variety show.
02:23The thing is, Mr. Jackson and the BBC won a police special. What can I say?
02:28You've got police specials coming out of here. Every time you turn the television on, Ray,
02:31there's a bloody police special of something or other with wobbly cameras and close-ups and zoom in.
02:36It's too busy. Horrible stuff.
02:38What Paul Jackson really needs is good wholesome family entertainment.
02:43Razzmatazz stuff. A good musical spectacular.
02:46Like the wheel tappers and shunters, you know, ding, ding, quiet everybody.
02:49No, no, not like the wheel tappers or shunters.
02:51Something like...
02:52Good old days. It was perfect.
02:54What's his name?
02:55He went...
02:56Yee, the image in the infantasma, jubilee, kibilee, dooo, ladies and gentlemen.
03:01Him.
03:02Here, Mark, Mark, look.
03:03Look, this is perfect.
03:04King Edward.
03:06He was your king, wasn't he?
03:08Yeah, he was.
03:09There we go. Look, that's his little coffin.
03:11Here we go, look.
03:11Bye, Edward.
03:15I love you.
03:16Here we go.
03:17Look.
03:18There we go. What we do at lunch, Sean, we go downstairs.
03:20We'll give him a nice burial, find a nice plot for him.
03:23Yeah.
03:24Thanks.
03:24All right, mate. I'll leave you with him.
03:27Have a bit of time, and we'll say goodbye properly.
03:29All right. Look after him.
03:32Just give me some time on my own, please.
03:35And finally, on the matter of outstanding police matters, we...
03:38Despite various preoccupations, pressing police matters still have to be addressed.
03:44Um, well, as we know, the amount of cocaine that's flowing through the location,
03:48um, we feel at the moment that we should mount the raid as soon as possible.
03:52Drunks, drunks, drunks. Here we go, now, drunks.
03:55Suppose you wanted your guns and your bulletproof jackets next, won't you?
03:59Who are we going on a drunk trade?
04:02Right.
04:05What does Christmas mean to you?
04:07Sorry, sir.
04:09Simple question, simple answer, please.
04:10What does Christmas mean to you?
04:13Oh, presents and baby Jesus and things.
04:16It just shows a typical lack of imagination, doesn't it?
04:19It means Santa Claus.
04:21Elves dancing on sleighs in the snow.
04:23Mm-hm.
04:24Now, get me some bloody midgets, now.
04:33I'm just asking you to go along with it, OK?
04:36Just a period.
04:36Yeah, that's all right, but we need to do the drugs bust.
04:38We need to do it.
04:53We need to do the whole snow trip and all that business.
04:55Yeah.
04:55More show business.
04:56Oh, which reminds me.
04:57Mark, nip out and get us a midget, will you?
05:01Where'd you get a midget from?
05:04Look, sir, with the greatest of respect, I think we should be concentrating on the drugs bust.
05:08I'm trying to choreograph the big routine in this winter spectacular, yeah?
05:13Whoa.
05:14And you are bugging me with trivialities.
05:16And you can't even come up with the one thing that I ask you for.
05:20What's that?
05:21Midgets.
05:22Oh, you've got one midget, even.
05:23Well, I've looked everywhere.
05:25Don't even think about it.
05:27He's short and he's fat, but he's not short and fat enough.
05:29Bones, come here.
05:32Fed up with you.
05:33What?
05:33This colour?
05:34Stand to attention.
05:35Attention!
05:36Do you know the first thing about my winter spectacular?
05:39Um.
05:40No, of course you don't.
05:42You haven't worked one step on one routine.
05:45Do you know the number of the song?
05:46Do you know the name of the song you're singing?
05:47Um.
05:48No, of course you don't.
05:49I'll tell you something else.
05:49You're not even going to be in it if you wear those stupid, bloody, flurps.
05:55Sir, let me out of your hair that I've got.
05:57Out.
06:04Honestly, it'd be really straight through.
06:06Mark's exhaustive search has proved successful.
06:09Christmas period is my busy time.
06:11I do do pantomime around here, you know what I mean?
06:13Oh, yeah, dear.
06:14What ones do you do, then?
06:17What f***ing ones do you think of?
06:20So, this is the vehicle, okay?
06:22Let me be using it.
06:23No, no, listen, listen to me.
06:24I need inside information.
06:25I need intelligence.
06:26We have actually got some very good intelligence, sir.
06:29It's coming in off the north, down...
06:31Sir, I'm not remotely interested in your drugs thing.
06:35Well, what I need to know is how long we've got before the full dress rehearsal.
06:41Well, yeah, the pressure's on.
06:43I mean, we're ready for the drugs bus to go ahead,
06:45but the governor keeps going on and on and on about this dance spectacular,
06:49and it's like...
06:51And, oh, what's that smell?
06:53Mark, what's that smell?
06:54It stinks.
06:56Shut up.
07:00You want to see fireworks?
07:01You want to see an explosion?
07:03Well, you come with me.
07:03Come on, James, come with me,
07:04because I've had enough of it.
07:05Come on!
07:07What do you do?
07:10I'll just take them through the race, sir.
07:11Well, don't!
07:12I'm fed up of this!
07:16What do you want to think of that?
07:18Now, pay attention.
07:20What is this?
07:21You have to do that.
07:26It's a dance room thing, isn't it?
07:28So, I'll tell you why.
07:30Because it's f***ing showtime!
07:39Sir?
07:41It's X-Ray out of Victor 1 towards the rear.
07:44What's that?
07:45He's coming out.
07:45He's walking out of the van.
07:46The geese has got out of the van.
07:47It's X-Ray into Victor 1.
07:50Come on, come on, to possibly 20 kilos.
07:53Call him in, Bung.
07:5320 kilos.
07:55It's 20 kilos.
07:55It's 20 kilos.
07:56It's copious amounts.
07:58There's loads of it.
07:58Ray, come in.
07:59Come in.
07:59Ray.
08:00Yes, Ray.
08:01Ray.
08:01The guy's got the stash on him.
08:03He's got 20 kilos.
08:04We need to go now.
08:05Over.
08:05I understand you, Sard.
08:07Hang on.
08:07I'll just ask the governor.
08:08Don't you?
08:09Get out of the way.
08:10What?
08:10He just wants to go in.
08:11I'm f***ing wasting my breath, aren't I?
08:13Sard, do not make any arrests.
08:16Go to the costume shop and pick up those cousins before they close at six o'clock.
08:22Just a f***ing weeb.
08:24Here it is.
08:25Let's go.
08:25Let's go.
08:29Go.
08:29Go.
08:32Where you going?
08:33I can't see you.
08:34Oh, I'm gone.
08:35Come here.
08:36Swipe them.
08:49Oh, it's burnt.
08:54What's he doing?
08:56What's he doing?
09:01It's weird.
09:02He's not.
09:03He's not.
09:04He's not.
09:04He's not.
09:05He's not.
09:05What's he doing?
09:07What do you think?
09:08You thought it was the toilet?
09:10I see nothing.
09:11Look, it's the wall.
09:13No.
09:13Glasses on it.
09:14I'm going to get some.
09:15Look, cleaning stuff.
09:16Clean it up.
09:17Let's make me get.
09:18It smells like the toilet, Sard.
09:20So this guy, these are the guys here, right?
09:22I am under pressure here.
09:24We really should be pretending that we're doing the show, you know?
09:27It's okay here.
09:28I'm under pressure.
09:29I'm under pressure.
09:30I'll do this.
09:31For the sake of a quiet life, the good guys are prepared to humour Beach's artistic aspirations.
09:37Well, then, look, do you mind?
09:40Yes, sir.
09:40All right.
09:41Can I have a seat?
09:41Yeah, come around.
09:42Can I get in, Bill?
09:43All we're doing is we've got this sort of Fred Astaire look.
09:47And I sort of went for the Moulin Rouge sort of, you know, Paris.
09:49Oh, right there.
09:50We could do a whole Continental Parisian set.
09:54That's nice, isn't it?
09:55There you go.
09:56I'm going to have to do a bit of slimming.
09:57I'm going to get into something like that.
09:59This is good.
10:00I like this very much.
10:01Keep it up.
10:03One, two, three, four, five.
10:07One, two, three, four, five.
10:11Ray, just remember, when Mark brings the midget in, be nice to him, all right?
10:15Because otherwise Santa's not going to have a little helper, is he?
10:17Okay, so I'll just treat him like an equal.
10:19No, not like an equal.
10:21I mean, just treat him like he's normal, all right?
10:23Yeah.
10:24And whatever you do, I don't know either look or talk down to him.
10:27No, you leave it with me.
10:28I'll treat him normally.
10:30I know what you're like.
10:31I don't know normally.
10:32Hi, everyone.
10:33I just want to introduce you to Kenny.
10:36Oh, this is lovely.
10:37Do you have any sweets for Kenny?
10:39Oh, good.
10:41Do you like some sweeties?
10:42All right, Kenny.
10:45What?
10:45I'm just trying to make you...
10:46What is?
10:47What is all you...
10:49You piss-taking...
10:51Hey, Kenny!
10:52Get out of my side, Dad!
10:53Do you want to f*** yourself down, mate?
10:56Do you want it?
10:56All right, just calm down.
10:57F*** you, now, what's going on here?
10:59Just calm yourself down.
11:01I just want to have a little word of God about...
11:03You know, you haven't got your glasses anymore.
11:05And I'm just a little bit...
11:06Hold on.
11:06I'm just a little bit wary about bringing you on the rape.
11:10Oh, no, Sarge, please.
11:11I've been really looking forward to it.
11:13I've been practising...
11:14I know that.
11:15Look, I've got an aide that can help me.
11:17You know, it doesn't matter.
11:18Look, watch this.
11:19Just one thing.
11:20Look.
11:22One, two, three.
11:29Find a needle in the haystack, mate.
11:31That's not bad, that, actually.
11:32It is.
11:33I mean, you know what it's like?
11:34Like, we've been practising for months for this.
11:37That's better than I could do, mate.
11:38It's the bread and butter of the job, really, isn't it?
11:40I mean, these are the things that I look forward to most.
11:44You know what it's like, mate.
11:45I mean, you know, who cares about all the rest of it,
11:48all this musical stuff and whatever?
12:10What are you doing to the ladies?
12:12Get out!
12:13Get out!
12:14And you get out!
12:15Both of you!
12:16Get out!
12:16Get out!
12:17He was.
12:18He did feel put out.
12:20Yeah, well, it's fair enough, but it's an assault, really.
12:22He's head-butted, right?
12:24Yeah.
12:24He's kicked out, right in the shins.
12:26You know, he's a vicious attack.
12:28Hey, hey, hey, hey!
12:29Don't talk to the monkey.
12:30Talk to the f***ing organ grinder.
12:32Fancy, isn't he?
12:33He's like poking me.
12:34He's having a pop.
12:35He's having a pop.
12:37He's like, f***ing hell.
12:37Do you f***ing want some as well?
12:40Have a look.
12:41Ah, he's fighting!
12:43He's fighting, mate!
12:45Can you get out of here?
12:47Can you stand up?
12:48Can you get out of here?
12:49Slow down.
12:49Come on, boy!
12:51Kenny!
12:52Kenny!
12:53Listen to me!
13:02Oh!
13:08That is horrible!
13:10What was that?
13:11What kind of friends do that, you know?
13:14I'd blow him up with lentils, scorch his face, put mustard on him, eat him, take the piss when I
13:23tell you what, you stand with me until I give him a decent burial.
13:28Who do we go to the BBC who's in charge of the BBC?
13:30I mean, there must be somebody we can call and speak to.
13:33I'm sorry, Paul Jackson, but honestly, sir, I've been so busy doing policing things.
13:36Do we have a studio to work from?
13:38I don't know.
13:39Do we have any money to work with?
13:41I honestly don't know.
13:42A budget or something.
13:44I'm sorry.
13:45It's absolutely typical.
13:47Yet again, I must shoulder the oak of responsibility.
13:51Come on, get this.
13:52It gets worse.
13:54What's this?
13:54Raymondo!
13:55Sir?
13:56Sir, a moment of your time.
13:57Yes, sir.
13:58What do you see in there?
14:00What do you see?
14:01Now, tell me, what do you see?
14:03Um, the men working, sir.
14:05I'll tell you what I see.
14:06I see men in uniforms.
14:09Policemen in police uniforms.
14:11Now, how do you expect them to get into character if they're not in costumes?
14:15I want to see men in costumes getting into character.
14:18Yeah.
14:19I say, turn around, shall we?
14:20Okay.
14:21And go and put men in costumes so they can get into character.
14:25Becker's belief, don't they?
14:27All right, boys.
14:28How's it going?
14:29Are you all right?
14:31He's going to plant it in.
14:32Is he?
14:32Yeah.
14:33He's got at least 50k in there now.
14:34Have you radioed that in, Steve?
14:36Yes, Sarge.
14:36Yeah?
14:37Yeah.
14:37And what's all this?
14:38Look, it's all lying about.
14:40Put it back in the file.
14:41You're wearing a secret.
14:42How much has he got now?
14:43He's got to be at least 50k in there now.
14:45George, you got the pictures?
14:46It's all done, Sarge.
14:47Come on, guys, switch on.
14:48I can really feel you're all switched off.
14:50You're all just taking it easy.
14:52Especially you, Steve.
14:53Look at you.
14:54You've got Mars bars, Coca-Cola.
14:56I can't believe it.
14:58What did you do with your head?
14:59Oh, midget.
15:01Bit me.
15:02Yeah, the governor came in this morning
15:04and he's made us wear these pucksie costumes
15:06at all times to get into character.
15:09And he said if we take them off at any time
15:12then we're going to get the sack.
15:14And he said you'd lose our pension.
15:16And our pension.
15:20That's outrageous.
15:23Beech has decided the show must go on
15:26with or without the support of the BBC.
15:29Seems to me everywhere you go in this building
15:33there's something to remind us of the greatness
15:34and the glory of the BBC.
15:36Back here for Studio One.
15:40And here he is.
15:41The television studio.
15:42It's the biggest one.
15:43So look.
15:43The biggest studio the BBC's got.
15:45That's right.
15:46It's the largest television studio.
15:47Kenny, come over here.
15:48You see?
15:48Now you'll appreciate this, guys.
15:50The technology that goes...
15:51The BBC leading the world in broadcast technology.
15:55Right.
15:55The target's there.
15:56We can do it now.
15:57We can do the bus now.
15:58I don't care where the targets are.
16:01We've got to go and do a show.
16:02Let's do it.
16:04All right.
16:04All right.
16:05All right.
16:05All right.
16:05All right.
16:06You've got ten minutes to do your bus
16:07and then you come out to BBC for the show.
16:09Okay.
16:10Come on, boys.
16:10We're on.
16:10We're on.
16:11Let's go.
16:11Let's go.
16:12Sue Lawley.
16:13The one and only.
16:14You have clearance to be in here.
16:15We're police officers.
16:17Out there you may be police officers.
16:19In here I am in charge.
16:21And I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave now.
16:24All of you.
16:26You've got a security problem here, Kelly.
16:28Sort it out, will you?
16:37Shut up.
16:38Now listen to me.
16:40Put your hands on your head.
16:42Now kneel down.
16:43Kneel down.
16:45Come on.
16:47Has anyone got any handcuffs?
16:48Quick.
16:49You've got four minutes to do this, Dishad.
16:52He's hiding.
16:53He's hiding.
16:54Come on, sir.
16:55Kelly, he's hiding out.
16:56Kelly, please.
16:57Kelly, please.
16:58Please, he's hiding out.
16:59Fuck him.
17:00Kelly.
17:01Kelly.
17:02Well, having said and done, the raid went really well.
17:05I mean, we've got loads of cocaine.
17:06Look at this, Dave.
17:07Over here.
17:08Look at this.
17:08This is just one parcel.
17:11In there is coke.
17:12We've got another seven like it.
17:13It's the largest bust yet.
17:15Tons of it.
17:15I'll tell you what.
17:16It's going to be a lot of brownie points for us
17:18when the governor gets to hear about it.
17:20Look, where's Christmas Mouse?
17:21I don't know.
17:22You don't know, do you?
17:23No.
17:23Where's Bones?
17:24He's on walkabout somewhere, isn't he?
17:25So, as far as the rest of the afternoon is concerned,
17:27for southern parts of the country,
17:28it should be dry and, I think, reasonably bright.
17:30But as one heads further and further,
17:32we're moving around to...
17:34Into...
17:35Excuse me.
17:36What on earth do you think you're doing?
17:37Don't get lippy, mate, or I'll arrest you.
17:39This is a live weather forecast.
17:41I can't see nothing.
17:43Just tell me the way out.
17:44It's over there.
17:45OK, the door's there.
17:46Thank you very much.
17:47Don't come back.
17:49Sorry about that, everybody.
17:50Now, as I was saying,
17:51the further north you go,
17:52the louder it's like to become.
17:53And in Northern Ireland and the northwest...
17:55Where are the snowmen?
17:57Don't know.
17:58You don't know anything, do you?
17:59No.
18:00Bobby Crush has dropped out now.
18:01Did you know that?
18:02Did you?
18:03Well, get him to Ash on the blower
18:04and tell him, I want a star
18:05and I want him now.
18:06And do something about this.
18:08This could have someone's eye out.
18:09Here he is.
18:10He's called Bank of Rights.
18:10Oi, no cameras.
18:11And here's the Coke.
18:12Piss off.
18:12I don't want no cameras.
18:14I don't want no cameras.
18:15Shut up, you.
18:16Shut up.
18:17No, any star, it doesn't matter, Sarge.
18:20Sarge, sir.
18:22Ray, have you got me a star yet?
18:25Ray, I want a star and I want him now.
18:28Is this bloody thing working?
18:30Yeah, I was just speaking to him.
18:31Why isn't he answering this?
18:33Oops, sorry, love.
18:35I do beg your pardon.
18:37What a cat got your tongue, then?
18:40It's funny, isn't it?
18:41Police uniform intimidates some people.
18:44With time running out, Ash's search for a star has resorted to desperate measures.
18:50This is not good enough.
18:51I want a celebrity.
18:53I know, that's what we're doing.
18:54We've got the roadblock.
18:55Look, Bill's up there now.
18:55We've had 50-odd cars come through.
18:57Not one celebrity.
18:59Open the window.
19:02Have a look, have a look.
19:04We're commandeering this vehicle.
19:06Oh, brilliant.
19:07This is brilliant.
19:07We've got one.
19:08Police business.
19:09You've got to take me to the BBC.
19:11All right?
19:12We'll go out to the BBC.
19:12See you down to the BBC, guys.
19:14All right, love.
19:26Northern areas, through Scotland, some woodtory showers, and some of those showers pretty heavy.
19:30It's snow, I should think, over those Scottish mountains, that's snow drifting.
19:34Let's see who we've got, then.
19:36The facade?
19:37Bill?
19:38Sir?
19:39It's a big nix, sir.
19:40It's a huge amount of cocaine in there.
19:42I'm not going to bother me with that.
19:44Get out of the way.
19:45Where's my star, eh?
19:47Back, sir.
19:47I think you'd be very pleased with me.
19:49I hope so.
19:52Is that it?
19:53What do you mean, is that it?
19:54I want a big star.
19:55Someone like Val Dooney can do it.
19:56It is a big star.
19:58If you want a job doing it, you've got to do it yourself.
20:00You can't get any bigger than that.
20:02You can't.
20:03Walk tall.
20:08Walk tall.
20:09Walk straight and look.
20:10The world right in the eye.
20:13That's what my mama told me when I was about to hide.
20:18She said, so be proud man, hold your head up high.
20:22Walk tall.
20:24Walk straight and look.
20:25The world right in the eye.
20:28All through the years that I grew up,
20:31might talk these things to me.
20:34But I was young and finished there.
20:36Cut it.
20:37Can you try and look a little bit like Val Dooney can, please?
20:40Are you having a bleeding laugh?
20:41If you wanted Val Dooney can, why didn't you get him?
20:43I'm going.
20:44Don't you run out of me, Delaney.
20:46No, will someone please just take these cuffs off?
20:48No, are you going to finish the job you can't do?
20:49No, no, I'm not.
20:51Bill, you take this foul-mouthed harpy into custody, please.
20:54Are you going to do it?
20:55Arrest me?
20:56I can't believe you're arresting me on the grounds that I'm not as good as Val Dooney can.
20:59You were terrible.
21:00You're not going to bleed in love, mate.
21:01No, he didn't have any with you.
21:02Do you mind?
21:03Can you get that camera out of my face?
21:04What are they filming for?
21:06It's a documentary.
21:06Come on, move.
21:07Can you move?
21:08Are you the same person?
21:09I am the same person.
21:11You're the same person.
21:12And it's the same weather forecast.
21:13So, again, thank you very much for nothing.
21:17Obviously, we're having a few troubles in the studio at the moment, ladies and gentlemen.
21:20In the north of the country, one or two.
21:23Sir?
21:24Sir, I'd just like to introduce you to Mr. Will Wyatt, Chief Executive Broadcasting, BBC.
21:28Wyatt.
21:29DIB, Kenny.
21:30Welcome to a winter wonderland, Mr. Wyatt.
21:32What the hell is all this?
21:33Well, this is our set for the new spectacular.
21:36For the new what?
21:36Christmas spectacular we're doing in the studio here.
21:38It's not quite finished, but it's going to look marvellous when it is.
21:41I know nothing about this.
21:42I know absolutely nothing about it.
21:44And what the hell is all this?
21:45In any case, look.
21:46And the way you're made up.
21:47What's wrong with that?
21:48We can't do that in this day and age.
21:50We can't do that anymore.
21:51That's theoretically correct.
21:52It's more like politically crap.
21:53We're absolutely not.
21:55Can he come?
21:56Leave him.
21:56He's all right.
21:57Well, you're seeing everything in black and white.
22:00Well, let me tell you something.
22:00Everything isn't black and white.
22:02This is white and black.
22:04And there's a difference.
22:06Whatever it is, I don't like it.
22:07We're not going to do it.
22:08I'm closing this down.
22:09Where the hell is Paul Jackson?
22:11Can he come in?
22:12You see, it's white, middle-class do-gooders like him that spoil everything for everyone.
22:19Make me sick.
22:21You've really pissed the governor off this time.
22:22You can't arrest me.
22:23Shut up.
22:24In the van.
22:25Come on.
22:26This is the BBC here, you know.
22:28Come on.
22:28Look, you can't do this.
22:29You simply can't do this.
22:30Why don't even know you're a policeman?
22:32If you resist me anymore, you're going to be done for assault.
22:35There you go, Kenny.
22:36That's it.
22:37Fine.
22:38Paul!
22:39Hey, how you doing?
22:40This is going really, really well.
22:43You are going to be so pleased with this, Paul.
22:46Just, just, can we hold on a second, Jim?
22:47Because I don't think that's Will Wyatt's opinion, is it?
22:49I don't think so.
22:50And I've got to say I agree with Will on this one.
22:52I don't know.
22:54What exactly is it?
22:55I've just had Mia vent on the phone.
22:57Have you looked in the mirror this morning?
22:59Yeah.
23:00And you're happy with that look, are you?
23:01Oh, he's politically correct.
23:02Jim, this is racist, Jim.
23:04We have codes that we have to work to here.
23:06This is unbelievable that you think this is acceptable.
23:09It should be like looking at a negative.
23:10Looking at a negative?
23:12What are you talking?
23:12Don't use technical terms with me.
23:14I want you off these premises.
23:17I've had an, do you know, I've got a cordon of armed police out there.
23:20My head of security is at the moment in surgery, severely bitten,
23:23and we've had a national live broadcast taken off the air.
23:27I've had enough of you in this tawdry spectacle you're trying to produce for us here.
23:30I want you off the premises.
23:31I want them off the premises.
23:33I want you off the premises.
23:34And I want you off the premises now.
23:36Out.
23:37Can I see to him?
23:41Can I see to him?
23:42Can I see to him?
23:44Can I see to him?
23:44Can I see to him?
23:45Can I see to him?
23:47Look at me.
23:48What do you see?
23:49When you look at me, what do you see?
23:53Uh, Mark Bowman?
23:56Mark Bowman?
23:57Al Jolson?
23:58In reverse?
23:59Because I'm being politically correct now.
24:02When I see me, I'm telling you, I want a BBC lawyer.
24:05Get in there!
24:06Get in there!
24:07I will not be arrested by a snowfall on my own track.
24:10It's governor's orders!
24:11Get in there!
24:11So, you're telling me that I have to create a winter extravaganza without any snow?
24:16Well, you never ordered any snow.
24:17Don't you, you, me, you!
24:19How can I create a winter wonderland without any f***ing snow?
24:23If you don't fetch me some snow, you know what's going to happen, don't you?
24:26No.
24:28Now get me some snow!
24:30All right!
24:31Snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow,
24:38Oh, I didn't come to the show
24:42There is no better place to go
24:46If you want to be the snow
24:51So, bring on the band and watch them play
24:55They are so happy and so gay
24:58I stay up marching on the snow
25:03Bring on the dancers, send in the clowns
25:06Put on those smiles, get rid of those frowns
25:10Let's keep singing as we're swinging
25:13Oh, oh, oh
25:16Let's all dress, drink some more wine
25:19Don't tell your mother, everything's fine
25:22And let's get on with the show
25:33That's not theatrical snow, Ray, that's cocaine
25:36Yes, I know
25:36If that's falling from the sky, everyone's going to be as high as a kite
25:40It's all that we've got, though, isn't it?
25:42Everyone will just have to stop breathing, that's all
25:44All right, but if I see as much as a rolled-up banknote, I'm going to nick them
25:47So, put on your high heels and your dress
25:54And board the Santa Claus Express
25:59And let's all head up down the line
26:05Our love is flying higher than a kite
26:12We're going to break the picture white
26:17With a little bit of snow
26:21Pull up your panties, let's burn your bra
26:24Remember it's Christmas, you can't go too far
26:28Don't feel corny if you're horny
26:31Go, go, go
26:34I don't know where you got the snow from, Ray, and I don't care
26:36Because it's bloody great
26:37No, but don't breathe it in, will you, sir?
26:40Eh?
26:40Don't breathe it in
26:41No, I feel brilliant
26:44Two paints of brandy
26:45Hold a cuck in your bum
26:47Duke in the toilet
26:48You son of a gun
26:49Let's go on with the show
26:54Let's go on with the show
26:58Let's go on with the show
27:02I'm very big I've done for you lot
27:04You've been talking about me, ain't you?
27:05We haven't been talking about you
27:06Just calm down
27:08We can't lock him up
27:11Wait, wait, wait, get him in
27:13Calm down
27:14Come on, in the van
27:15Go on, like a good boy
27:17Go on, in you go
27:18Go on, get him in
27:19I'm inside, I'm inside
27:20Get him in
27:22Get him in
27:23Smoke up
27:24Oh
27:26And we're ready, ready, ready, ready to start
27:28I don't know if we're fishing down like that
27:30And they're pushing it all the time
27:31It was great
27:32It was great
27:33Oh, got their children done
27:37All these big rabbits
27:39Exploding
27:40And we're all in
27:40Letting them out
27:44Letting them out
27:45Letting them out
27:46Letting them out
27:47Letting them out
27:49For your work, they give up
27:50Were you done really quickly
27:54Get out of here
27:55Get your own, you mum
27:58It's difficult enough this job
28:00Honestly
28:00But I'm in the back of a van now
28:02Another bloke
28:03Turns out to be a drug baron
28:04As if that's not bad enough
28:06The door's open
28:06They throw that elf in again
28:07He's bitten me already
28:09Now he starts biting me again
28:10I could have had him
28:11In a fair fight
28:12Equal contest
28:12I could have taken him
28:13No trouble
28:14Snow Slater
28:14Why are you done it on the snow?
28:16Snow Slater
28:16Why are your body moved?
28:17That's my show
28:17Hang on, hang on
28:20Hang on, hang on
28:20I think we
28:20I think we should calm down
28:22Yes, all right
28:23Let's both calm down
28:25And go and have a double espresso
28:26Come on
28:29I'm gonna get you
28:32Ready or not
28:34Here I come
28:35I'm gonna get you
28:39Ready or not
28:41Here I come
28:43I'm gonna get you
28:45Get you
28:46Get you
28:49Get you
28:51Get you
29:00You
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