- 2 days ago
First broadcast 18th December 1979.
Browsing through 'Country Life' Ethel sees a photo of a Ming dynasty China horse worth ten thousand pounds.
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Norman Eshley - Jeffrey Fourmile
Sheila Fearn - Ann Fourmile
Nicholas Bond-Owen - Tristram
Avril Elgar - Ethel
Gretchen Franklin - Mother
John Carlin - Antique Shop Owner
Mimi De Braie - Consuela
Browsing through 'Country Life' Ethel sees a photo of a Ming dynasty China horse worth ten thousand pounds.
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Norman Eshley - Jeffrey Fourmile
Sheila Fearn - Ann Fourmile
Nicholas Bond-Owen - Tristram
Avril Elgar - Ethel
Gretchen Franklin - Mother
John Carlin - Antique Shop Owner
Mimi De Braie - Consuela
Category
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TVTranscript
00:02the
00:04the
00:05the
00:06the
00:06the
00:06the
00:06the
00:11the
00:14Oh, my God.
01:08Oh, dear.
01:12The price of that garage charge is £17.50 for a new Wats name.
01:17Oh, well, that's inflation for you.
01:19The price of Wats names have gone up.
01:21Ah, the dude on my motorbike had perished and dropped off.
01:26Yeah, hardly been used.
01:27A warning to us all, George.
01:31And they were sarcastic.
01:33Said the headlamp needed a new gas mantle.
01:35Well, he can't deny it's old.
01:38I mean, the speedometer has got Roman numerals.
01:42That bike's a classic. I've done a ton on that bike.
01:44So are most of the local cats.
01:48Look, why don't you trade it in for a car?
01:50Oh, yeah? What do you fancy? A Rolls? A Mercedes?
01:53Oh, no, George. There's a lovely little second-hand many here.
01:56There's only £350.
01:58I mean, trade in your bike.
01:59All we need to find is another £349.
02:04It's a status symbol you want, innit?
02:06Yeah.
02:06I think a second-hand many just about sums up our status.
02:09You've been restless ever since you passed the driving test.
02:12Half-senior, sitting in the bar, changing gear with a lavatory brush.
02:16But, George, what's the point of having a driving licence if you never drive?
02:20I mean, it's the same as having a marriage licence if you never...
02:22Oh, don't start that again.
02:24Anyway, what do we want with a car?
02:26Well, we could take my mother out for little trips, in comfort.
02:30She does not enjoy sitting on your handlebars.
02:32Are you trying to tell me that if we had a car, we'd see more of your mother?
02:36Oh, well, I mean...
02:37Yeah, well, that settles it.
02:38Anyway, you know she gets car sick.
02:40Well, we could hang a little chain down the back.
02:42Oh, that's a good idea. She could hang on to it and run behind.
02:46Watch it.
02:46Listen, if your mother wants to drive, let your sister Ethel take her.
02:49She's got more cars than her rental.
02:53Now, for the master to travel.
03:08Yes, Consuelo.
03:09Would you turn off the hi-fi stereo on the way out?
03:15Here we are, Mother.
03:16Now, after tea, we'll get in the Mini, drive to the garages and go for a little spin in the
03:21Jaguar, or perhaps the BMW.
03:23Oh.
03:25That'd be lovely, Mildred.
03:27Ethel, dear.
03:29Yes.
03:30Is George having tea?
03:32Well, he may be, but I'm married to Humphrey.
03:34Now, I do have a marzipan bonbon.
03:36Oh, I can't.
03:37I've left my eating teeth at home.
03:41Where is Humphrey?
03:43He's in Schleswig-Holstein.
03:46Oh.
03:47I've never been to Devon myself.
03:52Schleswig-Holstein, Europe, Mother.
03:54He's at a meat trades conference in Teroffel.
03:57Oh.
03:58Nice.
03:59He's reading a paper on the roll of the sausage in the EEC.
04:03Milk or lemon?
04:05Both.
04:06Milk.
04:09How are you getting on with your new reading glasses?
04:12Oh, they are lovely.
04:14Do you know, I can see this as clearly as if it was in front of my very eyes.
04:22Country life, yes, we have it hand-delivered every week.
04:26Oh, nice.
04:28Here.
04:29Look at this.
04:31Commode.
04:32Went for £1,300 at South By's.
04:37Well, it is Regency, Mother.
04:40Still.
04:41Seems an awful lot of money just to spend a penny.
04:46Here.
04:47And this one, China Horse.
04:50Went for £10,000.
04:52It's Ming and there's only one other like it in the whole world.
04:56Yes.
04:57That'll be the one your father had.
04:59Probably.
05:01Now, do have one of these...
05:04What?
05:06Well, I brought it back from the China Seas just before the war.
05:12Father did.
05:12Yes.
05:14Yes.
05:14One of gambling.
05:15You remember we used to keep it on top of the wireless.
05:19Yes.
05:20Yes.
05:21But here.
05:22Are you sure it was exactly the same?
05:25Well, I had to dust it every day, didn't I?
05:29Oh, we had a lovely set of plastic dust.
05:33No, never mind the plastic dust.
05:36What happened to the horse, Mother?
05:40Well, now, let me think now.
05:42When your father passed out, we shared all his...
05:47I think Ethel got it.
05:51I'm Ethel.
05:52Oh, yes.
05:54Well, it must be Mildred, then.
05:57£10,000.
05:58Someone ought to tell her.
06:00Yes.
06:01Yes.
06:02Leave it to me.
06:03I'll do it, Mother.
06:04Hmm.
06:08Hello?
06:09Hello, Ethel.
06:10It's Mildred.
06:12I'm sorry.
06:12I mean, it's Ethel.
06:15Hello, love.
06:17I've got Mother visiting.
06:18Oh, how nice.
06:19Say hello for me.
06:21She says hello.
06:23Cooey!
06:24She says...
06:24She says cooey.
06:27Anyway, I'll be driving her back later in the Jaguar XJ6,
06:30or possibly the BMW.
06:33Yes, or possibly both.
06:35Now, don't be bitter, Mildred.
06:37Anyway, I thought I'd pop in on the way back.
06:40Oh.
06:41Oh, well, yes, love, yeah.
06:42Have a little chat about things.
06:44Well, see you later, darling.
06:48Hello, Tiger.
06:50You're late home.
06:51He had detention.
06:53Yes.
06:54For something I didn't do.
06:56Oh, that's not fair.
06:58What was it?
06:59My homework.
07:00Oh.
07:01Still, he scored twice at football, didn't you?
07:05One of them doesn't count.
07:07It was in her own goal.
07:11Geoffrey, what's the price of land around here?
07:14Oh, about £30,000 an acre.
07:16There must be five quid's worth on this shirt.
07:18I'll run you a bath.
07:20All right.
07:24Daddy?
07:25Hmm?
07:25Can I ask your advice?
07:28Uh...
07:28It's not about the birds or bees.
07:30Ah.
07:31It's about white mice.
07:34White mice?
07:35A boy at school has got one,
07:37and he wants to swap it for my marbles.
07:40Not a good idea.
07:42No.
07:43You see, um,
07:44your mother is absolutely terrified of mice.
07:46Terrified.
07:47Why?
07:48Well, she thinks that they'll run up her leg
07:50and nibble her stocking tops.
07:53Women.
07:54Exactly.
08:11What do you want to borrow this
08:11from those toffee-nosed twits for?
08:13Because my sister is coming around.
08:17Well, we've got nothing in the house but instant.
08:18Well, there's no need for her to know that.
08:20Now, when Esther arrives,
08:21what are you going to say to her?
08:23Goodbye.
08:23What?
08:25I'm going off to the pub.
08:27You are not.
08:28I mean, at least stay for a minute.
08:31George, I mean, you know,
08:32talk about something like the weather, you know.
08:34Oh, yeah.
08:35Oh, God.
08:37Lovely day, isn't it, Ethel?
08:39Oh, yes, George, I paid for it, you know.
08:45Oh, Ethel.
08:48Lovely to see you.
08:50Come on in, that's it.
08:52Here, George.
08:53George.
08:54Look who's here.
08:55Yeah, lovely day, isn't it, Ethel?
08:57Yes, it is.
08:58Right, I'm off to the pub.
09:01Well, I suppose that was quite chatty for him.
09:05Yeah.
09:05Do you have my mother home all right?
09:07Oh, you know what she is like in a car?
09:09I was a little worried about possible sicky-poos over the brush suede, but we made it.
09:14Oh, good.
09:15Oh, Humphrey's still away?
09:17Discussing the tripe mountain.
09:18And the problems of breeding a metric pig.
09:22Oh, would you like a cup of coffee?
09:24I've got a percolator.
09:26Oh, yes.
09:27Finally amassed enough green shield stamps, did we?
09:31Or perhaps a saucer of milk.
09:35No, no, nothing for me, thank you.
09:37No, why I really dropped in was to, um, talk about Daddy.
09:42Daddy?
09:43Well, you mean, uh...
09:45Our Daddy, yes.
09:46Now, you may think I'm over-sentimental about him.
09:49Uh, no.
09:51You called him a drunken old fool.
09:54That was before he died.
09:56It was at his funeral.
09:59I was just trying to hide my grief.
10:02Well, anyway, I suddenly realised this morning that I hadn't got a single thing to remember him by.
10:08Well, what sort of thing?
10:09Oh, you know, a souvenir.
10:11Oh.
10:11A lock of hair, a faded photograph, a china horse.
10:16Oh, well, I think I can help you there.
10:18Oh, Mildred, I wasn't hinting that you...
10:21No, it's all right, love.
10:21Just a minute.
10:22I've got just the thing.
10:24Here, look.
10:25A photograph.
10:28Oh, yes.
10:29Look, that's him.
10:30Outside the pub.
10:31Doesn't look like him.
10:32No, well, he was probably sober at the time.
10:35No, no, I couldn't take it, Mildred.
10:37It's far too precious.
10:38Haven't you got anything else?
10:40Well, uh...
10:41Do you remember that thing that used to sit on top of the wireless?
10:46What, the cat?
10:47No.
10:48No, a china thing.
10:50A horse, I believe.
10:52I think it passed into your clutches.
10:54Well, a china...
10:55Oh, that!
10:57Oh, yeah, it was just a little keepsake, you know,
10:59along with the plastic dust.
11:00Oh, never mind the plastic...
11:03The horse would be nice.
11:05Do you think you still have it?
11:06Oh, yes, love.
11:07It'll be in with all our junk.
11:09What, in here?
11:13No, it'll be in the garage or the attic.
11:16I'll get George to dig it out for you.
11:18Oh, are you sure you wouldn't rather have the photograph?
11:20No.
11:22Oh, well, when George finds it, I'll give you a ring.
11:24All right?
11:25I mean, are you going to be in tomorrow?
11:27Tomorrow?
11:28Well, you're not in any hurry for it, are you?
11:30No.
11:31No, I suppose not.
11:33No.
11:34Well, well, well.
11:35Where did you come from?
11:37You certainly like cheese.
11:38Mum, you can't remember my geography.
11:43Oh.
11:44You found him?
11:46Yes, he was in your sports bag.
11:47Isn't he cute?
11:49But Daddy said you were terrified of mice.
11:52Me?
11:53I used to keep them when I was your age.
11:56Then why did Daddy say I couldn't...
11:57Well, that's all the leaves done.
11:59Now, I've just got to do the lawn and...
12:00Ah!
12:01Oh, my gosh.
12:04It's all right, Jeffy.
12:06Take it away.
12:08Don't let it out of the cage.
12:10It'll run up my leg.
12:13So he's really nervous of him.
12:14He must be.
12:15He hasn't taken his wellies off since he saw it.
12:19Do you know, my sister Ethel, she's exactly the same.
12:22She hates mice.
12:23When I was George, it's spiders.
12:26He always shouts down the plug-all before he gets in the bath.
12:30Oh, shit.
12:32Hey, it's filthy in that garage.
12:34Oh, you found it, then?
12:36Well, of course I did.
12:36It's the back of the house.
12:40Yeah.
12:41Filthy and full of rubbish.
12:42I shall have to have a bath.
12:43I only had one a couple of weeks ago, too.
12:47Oh, hello.
12:48Hello.
12:49Don't forget to shout down the plug-all.
12:51Oh, you do that as well, do you?
12:55Oh, yes, look.
12:57It's still in one piece.
13:00That's nice.
13:01Yeah.
13:02It's a sort of family heirloom.
13:04Yes.
13:05Actually, I've seen a photograph of something very like this recently.
13:10Oh, yeah?
13:10In, er, Country Life.
13:13Oh.
13:13Very similar.
13:14Yeah?
13:15It was sold for £10,000.
13:17Oh.
13:17How much?
13:46Oh, my God.
13:48Oh, my goodness.
13:50God, my goodness me.
13:55Oh, dear.
13:58I'm not much cleaner now than when I started.
14:01I was whirling the soap on a rope round me and it flew out through the window.
14:05What?
14:06Yes.
14:07I was playing helicopters.
14:08George, come and sit down a minute.
14:10Come on.
14:11I tried using some of that pink stuff of yours.
14:13Took half the hairs off my legs.
14:16George, look at that photograph.
14:18Now, is there anything in this room that reminds you of that?
14:32No.
14:34Are you sure?
14:36What?
14:36Lady Diana Fitzwilliams launches a ship.
14:39The other page.
14:41What?
14:41Oh, the horse.
14:42Yeah.
14:44Oh, yeah, it's a bit like that one, isn't it?
14:46Worth £10,000.
14:48Oh, yeah.
14:49Anyway, I'll finish using the shampoo of...
14:51What?
14:55It's the same, isn't it?
14:57Yeah.
14:58Well, it looks like it, but...
15:00How did they get into our garage to photograph it?
15:03It's a matching pair, George.
15:05The only other one in the world, according to that.
15:07Yeah, but, Mildred, I don't know if you follow this, but, I mean, this could be worth a lot of
15:11money.
15:14Yes, George?
15:15Well, we could buy a new soap on a rope.
15:16We could buy a new...
15:19We could buy a new car.
15:21Hey, hey, no wonder your sister wanted it.
15:23Oh, yes.
15:25A souvenir of father?
15:27Oh, she is two-faced.
15:29Well, she can't be.
15:30She wouldn't go round with that one.
15:34I knew there was money involved.
15:36She had beads of sweat on her knees.
15:39Hey, Mildred, this means I could afford a new wash name for the motorbike.
15:42Yeah.
15:43I could afford a new motorbike.
15:44Oh, no, no, George, don't let us count our motorbikes before they're hatched.
15:48Now, we are going to check up on this,
15:51and the actual value.
15:53We'll talk to an expert.
16:11Excuse me.
16:13Oh, oh, oh, oh.
16:15Oh, I beg your pardon.
16:17I was just trying to date a little shepherd boy.
16:19Oh, yes.
16:24They have marks on their bottom, you know.
16:28Well, now, what can I do for you, young lady?
16:31Oh, I've come about a horse.
16:35The betting shop is next door.
16:38No, I want to know what this is worth.
16:40A Tesco supermarket bag.
16:43Well, perhaps in 50 years it might be...
16:45Oh, no, no, no, no, not the bag.
16:47This.
16:48Oh.
16:49Wait a minute.
16:50Oh.
16:51Oh, well, now.
16:54The value depends on whether it is genuine.
16:57The hallmark, so to speak.
16:59One has to understand the significance of the symbols.
17:01Those cryptic little marks have been so much to the expert
17:04and so little to the layman.
17:08One, nine, two, seven.
17:11What does that mean?
17:12It means it was made in 1927.
17:14Oh.
17:15Bur-ming.
17:17Ming?
17:17Ham.
17:18Oh.
17:20Birmingham.
17:21Well, you mean it's not the same as this one?
17:25Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
17:26This is just a cheap copy.
17:28They made thousands of them, you know, in 19...
17:3127?
17:32Yes.
17:33In Birmingham.
17:34Ah, you know a little about these things.
17:37Are you absolutely sure?
17:39Well, let me put it this way.
17:43It's worth about 30 shillings.
17:45And you are the third person who has been in this week.
17:5230, Bob.
17:57Hey, Mildred.
17:58Mildred, something exciting's happened.
18:00I've just been down to the Social Security in the high road.
18:03Well, it's not very exciting so far.
18:05No, no, no.
18:06On me way back, I passed that antique shop on the corner.
18:08Oh, next to the...
18:11You mean the one next to the betting shop?
18:13Yeah, that's right.
18:14Guess what you're putting in through the window.
18:16Oh, no.
18:16Hang on.
18:20Hang on.
18:20I haven't finished yet.
18:21Ha, ha, ha.
18:24There you are.
18:26Ha, ha.
18:28And guess what?
18:32There.
18:34And you bought them?
18:35Well, of course I did.
18:36The old fool only charged a five-year each and they're worth, uh, what's it?
18:38Uh, oh, £10,000.
18:41George, why are they worth £10,000?
18:44Well, because he's only one of them in the whole wide world.
18:46Oh, well, oh.
18:49They're cheap copies, George.
18:51And we are £15 short on the Social Security money.
18:54Um, a bit more, actually.
18:56What?
18:56Uh, well, it is next to the betting shop and I thought, horse, horse, see, and there was
19:01one in the 230s, Stoke of Fortune.
19:03Well, it seemed an omen.
19:04So which horse won?
19:06Darth Apeth.
19:07Ha!
19:09That was the omen?
19:10God, you fool.
19:12Oh, dear.
19:15Hello?
19:16Hello, Mildred, it's Ethel.
19:18Oh, yes.
19:19I was just passing one of our telephones and I thought I'd, uh, give you a tinkle.
19:25Oh, yes.
19:26Well, how are you?
19:27Oh, I'm fine.
19:28Good.
19:29Well, cheerio...
19:30Oh, I almost forgot.
19:33Uh, did you, uh, find that little, uh, memento of Daddy's for me?
19:37Uh, yes, dear.
19:38They're on the, uh, it's, uh, on the table.
19:40Oh, really?
19:40Oh, I'll rush her.
19:41Uh, I'll pop over right away.
19:43Bye!
19:44Wow, she's in a hurry.
19:46What's she want it for?
19:48Work it out, George.
19:50What?
19:51Oh, yes, she thinks it's worth it.
19:53Yeah, exactly.
19:55Now, we'll get these three out of sight before she arrives.
19:58Right.
20:00I didn't think Daddy was frightened of anything in the world.
20:04Apart from you.
20:07Oh, thank you.
20:09Well, when you grow up, I thought you learned not to be frightened.
20:14No, you just learned not to show that you're frightened.
20:18He's not doing a very good job.
20:19Mm.
20:21Anne.
20:22Tristram.
20:23Um, I'm sorry that the little chap's escaped.
20:26What?
20:27Must have picked the lock or something.
20:29Uh, no.
20:31No, he's in the roper's garden.
20:32Uh, never catch him now.
20:34Pity.
20:35You mean he jumped over that high fence?
20:38Uh, no.
20:39No, no.
20:40Um, I was holding the cage over the fence, um, to show him the roper's garden.
20:45Um, and, uh, the door fell open and he escaped.
20:48So he's gone back to the wild?
20:50He certainly has.
20:51In their garden.
20:52I'm sorry.
20:53I don't mind.
20:55It's just like Elsa the Lion in Born Free.
20:58Absolutely.
20:59That's the only way to think of it.
21:00She came back and brought all her cubs with her.
21:08Are you going to tell her what it's worth to come clean with her?
21:11Yeah, she comes clean with me.
21:13Oh, now, don't you say one word.
21:16Oh, you can alarm me.
21:18And that goes for you too, Moby-2, not the word.
21:23I do hope you don't mind me calling the Mercedes outside.
21:26I know it cuts down the light, but...
21:30Oh, there, look.
21:31What a beautiful object.
21:33Oh, thank you, Ethel.
21:34Nice to see you, too.
21:37It's not worth anything, of course, except perhaps sentimental value.
21:42I know.
21:42I've got ever so sentimental about it myself.
21:44Oh, you mustn't, Mildred.
21:46I'm, uh, I'm getting quite attached to it, too.
21:49A memento of your father and that.
21:51You never even met him.
21:52Yes, I did.
21:52I tried on his hand at our wedding.
21:55Well, it's been lovely having this little chat.
21:57I'll just take this away.
21:58No, just a minute, Ethel.
21:59I don't think I want you to have it.
22:01I mean, after all, money can't buy memories.
22:05Yes, that's very true.
22:07Very true.
22:08Ten pounds.
22:09Done.
22:12George, go and put the kettle on.
22:13No, but listen, Mildred.
22:14Cettle!
22:14I'll go and put the kettle on.
22:17I'm sorry, Ethel, but I, I'm very sentimental about it.
22:21I see.
22:22Fifty.
22:23Fifty?
22:23All right, then a hundred.
22:25Dear me, were you that fond of father?
22:27Who?
22:28Oh, yes, yes.
22:29Oh, think of it.
22:30Mildred, a hundred pounds.
22:32Yes, it's a lot of money.
22:34Exactly.
22:34You could live like I do for an hour or two.
22:38I could put a deposit down on a nice little second-hand car.
22:42So?
22:43No.
22:43Two hundred.
22:44Fifteen.
22:45Two hundred and fifteen.
22:46Fifteen pounds.
22:47Oh, no, I mean, I couldn't take any more from my own sister.
22:50Done.
22:51Right.
22:51Now, if you wouldn't mind just, just signing this, uh, little receipt for me.
22:56Make everything nice and legal.
22:57All right, then.
22:58You, you do know that it's worthless, don't you?
23:01Yes, of course it is.
23:02Yeah, right.
23:02Oh, lovely.
23:04There.
23:05Well, I must rush.
23:07I've got an appointment at Sotheby's.
23:09Hey, Mildred.
23:10Yeah.
23:11Mildred, guess what ran in through the back door just now?
23:13What?
23:13A little white mouse.
23:14Ah!
23:30It's broken.
23:32Well, it wasn't worth anything.
23:34It was.
23:35There was only one other like it in the whole world.
23:38Oh, what?
23:39Do you mean, uh, like this?
23:44Or, uh, or, uh, this one?
23:47All right.
23:48Or, uh, even this one?
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