- 2 days ago
First broadcast 25th February 1976.
The youngsters want a party but George, recalling the last one, is against the idea.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Paula Wilcox - Chrissy
Sally Thomsett - Jo (credit only)
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Doug Fisher - Larry
Hilda Braid - Mrs. Hollins
John Carlin - Barman
The youngsters want a party but George, recalling the last one, is against the idea.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Paula Wilcox - Chrissy
Sally Thomsett - Jo (credit only)
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Doug Fisher - Larry
Hilda Braid - Mrs. Hollins
John Carlin - Barman
Category
📺
TVTranscript
01:30One gin, one soda.
01:31We don't want a lot of booze because Joe's not with us this weekend.
01:34And, oh, a crepe of brunt.
01:36Why don't I just inform the shareholders that you're going to make a takeover bid for the brewery?
01:40Actually, we're just having a couple of people around tonight.
01:42Oh, really?
01:42W.C. Fields and Dean Martin?
01:44No, no, it's a party.
01:45And listen, what are those bacon-flavored things called?
01:48Pigs!
01:50Yeah, it's a punchy thing.
01:51Them, them.
01:52Half a dozen of them.
01:55Mr. Tripp, your last party.
01:57Didn't you have an awkward little fracker?
01:59Yes, but we're not inviting him this time.
02:02Mr. Roper?
02:03Yeah, that's the one.
02:03Do you know, he kept coming up complaining about something.
02:06I don't know what it was.
02:06I couldn't hear him for the noise.
02:09Mr. Roper's not my favorite man.
02:12He's mean.
02:12Yeah, he never stands around.
02:14Oh, he stands around, all right, till somebody buys him a drink.
02:16Then he goes.
02:17All right, I shall be with you in a moment.
02:21The customers, they think they're here to be waited on.
02:28Shh.
02:29Butter the bread a bit more quietly.
02:30We don't want the Ropers to hear.
02:31Well, they're bound to hear as soon as they start dancing.
02:34Not the sandwiches, the people.
02:36Look, this is going to be a very quiet party.
02:38No dancing, no singing, no loud conversation.
02:41I only leaves one thing and that can be pretty noisy.
02:44Drinking?
02:46Drinking, yeah.
02:48You just put two sticks in there, sausage.
02:50I know.
02:50And I'm going to put two sticks in this sausage as well.
02:52It's a Spanish fighting sausage.
02:54Olé!
02:56Missy, Larry, give us a hand here, will you?
02:58Honestly, some people just can't carry their liquor.
03:00Is that all you've got?
03:01No, there's some more down in the hallway.
03:03Listen, how many are coming?
03:0438 and a half.
03:05Pardon?
03:06Well, only sort of half invite you, one of them.
03:08Look, are you sure Mr. Roper didn't see you coming up with all these drinks?
03:10Listen, I am not scared of Mr. Roper.
03:12I don't care if he did see me.
03:14Anyway, he didn't.
03:15I won my way up under the stair carpet.
03:17Look, he's bound to know you're having a party.
03:19Well, by then, it'll be too late, won't it?
03:24Chablis.
03:27Boo.
03:28Boojelais.
03:28What's all this stuff doing here, son?
03:32Oh, that's wine and beer and stuff.
03:34It's for us upstairs.
03:35What, all of it?
03:36No, no.
03:37Well, it's bulk buying, you see.
03:38So you buy it now because you won't be able to afford to buy it later on.
03:41Why not?
03:42Well, because you'll have spent all your money buying it now, you see.
03:46Yeah, it's been a nice chance, Mr. Roper.
03:46Don't you?
03:47I'll give you a hand.
03:47No, I can manage.
03:48That's all right.
03:49All right.
03:49Half of you.
03:50Cheese and lettuce there and ham on the sideboard.
03:55What about the pilchers and banana and peanut butter?
03:59Out the window.
04:01I like them.
04:03Mr. Roper, I can manage to run for the window.
04:05It's all right.
04:05It's all right.
04:06Allow me.
04:06Ah, I see.
04:09You've been bulk buying sandwiches and sausages as well then, eh?
04:13No, no.
04:14We just made these on the off chance that somebody might just sort of drop in.
04:17You know, like you have.
04:17Yeah.
04:18Fancy a sandwich?
04:19Oh, yeah.
04:20Thanks very much.
04:21Well, you don't fool me, you know.
04:23You three are planning on having a...
04:25Pilchers and banana with peanut butter.
04:29Yeah.
04:32You're going to have a party, aren't you?
04:34Well, yes.
04:35We were going to invite you and Mrs. Roper.
04:36Were we?
04:37Well, we were.
04:38I told you after the last one, no more parties.
04:40Mr. Roper, is it because of what that chap did in your window box?
04:45Partly.
04:46Partly what them couples did on the stairs.
04:49It marked the carpet, you know.
04:50It won't come out.
04:53Well, it was only high spirits.
04:54High spirits?
04:55Used to be called hooliganism before the middle classes took it up.
04:58But while I'm landlord of this house, there'll be no more parties.
05:01Final.
05:02Oh, what did you have to bring him up for?
05:03Didn't he just follow me?
05:05Anyway, don't worry.
05:06We can appeal to a higher court.
05:07Mrs. Roper.
05:08Right.
05:10Who's going to do it?
05:13We're the same, you and me, Oscar, aren't we, eh?
05:16We don't like noisy parties.
05:18They make our feathers fall out, don't they?
05:19Oh, it's you.
05:24What do you want?
05:25Oh, could I see Mrs. Roper?
05:26Oh, I see.
05:27You're trying to go over my head behind my back, aren't you?
05:30Well, it won't work.
05:31I've discussed the matter with Mildred and she's in a full agreement with the stand I'm taking.
05:34No more parties.
05:34Well, if I could just speak to her.
05:36Er, no, she's lying down.
05:37Well, when she wakes up.
05:38You're wasting your time.
05:39Mildred agrees with me.
05:41Oh, those shops.
05:42Oh, hello, dear.
05:43God, it's taken me hours to get home.
05:45Yeah, well, she would have agreed with me if she'd been here.
05:47I would not have agreed with you.
05:49What about?
05:50Well, we're thinking of having a party tonight.
05:53Oh.
05:54But he says no.
05:55You're invited.
05:56Oh!
05:56No, I'm having it there.
05:57It's not fair, Mildred.
05:57They're not having it.
05:58Is that your final word, George?
05:59Yes.
06:00Right.
06:01We won't hear any more from him.
06:02Right.
06:05Er, what time would you like me to come, dear?
06:07Oh, about eight.
06:07Oh, lovely.
06:08There, there, yeah, just a minute.
06:09Down, George.
06:12See you later, love.
06:13Yeah, bye.
06:13And thanks.
06:17All right, George.
06:18I'll allow you a five-minute sulk.
06:20Off you go.
06:21Mildred, may I remind you that the wedding service...
06:24...said love, honour, and obey.
06:25Obey.
06:26It did not say love, honour, and make look a burk.
06:29It also said, with my body, I thee worship.
06:34There has been precious little worship going on round here.
06:38I mean, I'll feel about that big.
06:45I'm not giving you an argument, George.
06:49I've lost faith in front of me tenants.
06:50They'll be laughing at me up there.
06:52Yeah.
06:52And at eight o'clock, I'll be joining them.
06:57Oh, I've got Frank Sinatra.
06:59I've got Elton John.
07:00The Stones.
07:02Oh, and talk along with Telly Savalas.
07:04Yeah, then it's my basic role as LP.
07:06Now that's broken.
07:07Who done that?
07:08I don't know.
07:09The world is full of music lovers.
07:12What do you think should I play?
07:13Something sexy or something lively?
07:15All means the same thing, as far as I'm concerned.
07:17Oh, I see.
07:18Here I am, as irresistible as ever.
07:20Now listen, shall I rattle myself now or later?
07:23No, just make sure there's enough to eat.
07:24Uh, yes, hang on.
07:25Oh, yes, there's plenty there.
07:26That's a sort of mood you're in.
07:28Here, you've been messing around with my Bay City rollers.
07:30No, I've never used them.
07:31I'm naturally wavy.
07:34Bobby, is there enough to eat?
07:36Oh, hang on now.
07:37Uh, cheese and lettuce.
07:39Ham and pickle.
07:41Oh.
07:41Yeah, they're mine.
07:43I know whose they are.
07:44Listen, why's that sausage got two sticks in it?
07:46Uh, that's to please the crowd and weaken it for the kill.
07:51Olé.
07:53Of course.
07:54At least we won't have to be so quiet with the ropers coming.
07:56No, we'll just have to get him tanked up quickly and stand him in the corner out of the way.
07:59Yeah, and hand coats on him.
08:00Right.
08:03George, zip me up.
08:04There's not going to be a party, Mildred.
08:06Zip me up.
08:07I forbid it.
08:09My mind's made up.
08:10It may be a small thing, but my mind's made up.
08:13George, I have lived with you all these years for one reason only.
08:16I need someone to zip me up.
08:18Now do it.
08:19Put me a sip here and up in here, I'm getting a sip and there.
08:22Ah!
08:24Oh, thank you.
08:26Oh, George, why don't you come?
08:28You'll enjoy yourself.
08:29I don't like enjoying myself.
08:31Oh, go on.
08:32Let your air down for once.
08:34Metaphorically speaking, of course.
08:36Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:37You're not taking my whiskey.
08:39Why not, George?
08:40Since there isn't going to be a party, no one will drink it.
08:42Now, be up, Mildred.
08:43Now, listen.
08:43Oh, night-night, George.
08:45Be home about midnight.
08:46Oh, hey.
08:47I should probably be in a frisky mood.
08:57I'll give her a frisky mood.
08:59I'll send footstop to her frisking.
09:00All right, me in a party, come here.
09:03All right.
09:04Right there.
09:05Okay.
09:06Cool.
09:06All right.
09:06Have a sandwich, Missy Dawn.
09:22No, thanks, love. One was more than... I mean, one was quite enough, thank you.
09:27Anybody else arriving, dear, or is it just me?
09:28Oh, lots of people. They haven't turned up yet.
09:36Ten past ten.
09:44Isn't this fun?
09:46Yes.
09:55Perhaps we should start with Adam.
09:57Off you go. Good luck.
10:02Hey, any minute now, they'll all come pouring in through that door.
10:05Yes.
10:06Remember the last party we had?
10:1175 people. The bed collapsed.
10:13Pardon?
10:14All those coats.
10:15Oh.
10:17Ten and a half minutes past ten.
10:20God, this is ridiculous.
10:21Somebody should have arrived by now.
10:24Oh, here they come. Oh, it's Tom and Margot.
10:26Oh, but they're always the last to arrive.
10:27Well, this time they're the first.
10:28Right, come on, let's get some that one to go.
10:33Mrs. Roper? Shall we?
10:35Oh, why not?
10:37Here we are.
10:43Hey!
10:43They're going away again.
10:45What?
10:45Hang on.
10:47They can't be.
10:48Er, wait, I'll be back in a minute.
10:52Right.
10:52Right.
10:52Tom, Margot.
11:13I say a thing is cancelled, son. It's cancelled.
11:23I know, Mr. Roper, but...
11:25I've also disconnected your doorbell.
11:27So, there.
11:29Where did they go, love?
11:32This was pinned on the door.
11:35George!
11:36Is this true?
11:37No.
11:37Yes.
11:38Yes.
11:38No.
11:38Yes.
11:39Yes.
11:39It's time you have gone too far.
11:42Get in there!
11:46You're not fooling me, you know, Mildred.
11:48You tried to pretend before that you were leaving me, but you never did.
11:51It was a bluff.
11:53I know what the matter is.
11:54Something's upset you, hasn't it?
11:57I can always tell.
11:59Look, can't we discuss this rationally, like sensible, civilised people?
12:03Toad!
12:05Well, where would you go?
12:06Who'd have you?
12:07Your sister?
12:08Yes.
12:09Yeah, well, she never did like me.
12:10Nobody likes you, George.
12:12I don't like you.
12:13If you had a grain of common sense, you wouldn't like yourself.
12:16Just because I stopped their party?
12:18No, George, it isn't just that.
12:19But I have been meaning to leave you since the day you walked down the aisle with two
12:24of your fly buttons undone.
12:27I don't remember that.
12:29I had to try and do them up while the vicar wasn't looking.
12:34Is that what you were doing?
12:35No!
12:38Are you sure you're going to get the money back on these?
12:40Well, we won't get it back because I didn't pay for it, but at least he'll take it off
12:42the slate.
12:44I'm going, George.
12:45I am going.
12:46You're being silly.
12:47You know you're not going through with this.
12:48We'll see, George.
12:50Bye-bye, loves.
12:50I'll drop you a line.
12:54Mildred?
12:55Mildred?
12:56How far do you think you're going through with this bluff?
12:58Mildred?
13:02Now see what you've done.
13:03What you said, then?
13:30Well, I thanked her for a letter and said that we're well and Mr Rope is well.
13:33What else could I say?
13:34You could mention that we're thinking of leaving him, too.
13:37I'm fed up with him coming up here.
13:39Oh, he just needs the company.
13:40Yeah, and I blame you for encouraging him.
13:42I don't.
13:42You say hello.
13:44That's all he needs.
13:46Listen, does she mention when she's coming back to him?
13:48Yeah.
13:49When pigs grow wings.
13:50That could be weeks.
13:51No.
13:52I'm not having another night like last night.
13:53All his whining, sighing, groaning.
13:56Perhaps we should have let him in.
13:58Tch.
14:00Not after last Wednesday.
14:01Do you remember?
14:01We let him in Wednesday.
14:02When did he leave?
14:03Thursday.
14:04Exactly.
14:04Two o'clock in the morning.
14:06Oh, have I told you about the blitz sudden when a buzz bomb blew away me sandbags?
14:13He's such a bore.
14:14He ended a shave for a week.
14:16Well, he's a hairy bore.
14:17Hey, where are the envelopes?
14:19Oh, they're in FooFoo the Frog.
14:21What?
14:22Joe's pyjama case.
14:23She doesn't wear pyjamas.
14:24Exactly, and that's why she keeps her envelopes in it.
14:27Of course.
14:28And listen, that's another thing.
14:29He's not coming up here again, scrounging any more meals.
14:31You did invite him, mate.
14:33Well, what else could I do with a knife and fork sticking out of his breast pocket?
14:39I thought he comes up here because he's, well, he's sort of lost, isn't he?
14:42You mean he thinks this is his flat?
14:46Hello?
14:46Anyone go home?
14:47Oh, it's the lonely vagabond.
14:48Yeah, get down there.
14:51Hello?
14:53It's only me.
14:57Hello?
14:58How's it?
14:58Oh, well, good afternoon.
15:00Hello, Mr Roper.
15:01I was just passing by.
15:03I thought we might be glad of a bit of company.
15:04Oh, well, I'm on my way out, actually, to the post.
15:06Oh, that's all right.
15:07I'll have a chat with the others.
15:07Oh, fine.
15:10Hello?
15:14Oh, hello.
15:15Oh, that's it, Larry.
15:23You keep on looking for it.
15:26You know, I mean, it's bound to be down there somewhere.
15:28It must have rolled off down there somewhere.
15:30Oh, yeah, yeah.
15:31I lost a sock.
15:34What, you think it rolled away?
15:37It was in a ball.
15:38Listen, what can I do for you, Mr Roper?
15:39Oh, well, I thought you might be glad of a bit of company.
15:42Well, no, no, actually, we get plenty of company.
15:43In fact, we've had somebody up here every night of the week.
15:45Oh, really?
15:46You.
15:46Oh, hey.
15:51That smells good, ain't it?
15:53That chicken, mushroom, bacon.
15:55Yes, just enough for three.
15:56Three only.
15:57Well, I wasn't hinting, son.
15:59I've got plenty of bread and scrape downstairs, that'll do me.
16:01Good.
16:02I'm not looking for charity, you know.
16:04Well, you can't be the right place.
16:05You haven't got any.
16:07Yeah.
16:08Yeah, well, I've got an egg and a bit of cocoa.
16:10Oh, well, that's the problem solved, isn't it?
16:12Cocoa omelette with bread and scrape, that's heaven.
16:14Yes, I won't go hungry, son, you know.
16:18Oh, I'm glad to hear you.
16:19Oh!
16:24Pardon?
16:25Oh!
16:27Are you all right, Mr Rahn?
16:28Oh, yeah, all right.
16:30Yeah, it are.
16:31Oh, yeah, I couldn't find your sock.
16:32Eh?
16:33Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:34So I brought you a glass of vino instead.
16:36Well, I won't be able to get my foot in there, but cheers anyway.
16:38Cheers, son.
16:39Oh, well, I haven't had a glass of wine for a long time.
16:41Well, keep up the good work.
16:44Well, we won't keep you, Mr Roper.
16:47Oh, yeah, I'll be off.
16:48Yeah.
16:49Yeah, well, cheerio.
16:50Cheerio.
16:51Oh, I'm going now.
16:53Fine.
16:55Well, here I go, then.
16:59Oh, Mr Roper.
17:00Yeah?
17:02Enjoy your cocoa omelette.
17:03Oh, you posted your letter, then?
17:11Oh, yes.
17:12I suppose you don't feel like sitting down and having a bit of a chat.
17:15What, on the stairs?
17:16No, no, you can come inside.
17:17I've got a few minutes to spare.
17:18Um, not really, no.
17:20I'm very, very busy.
17:21Oh, yeah, please.
17:22Oh, all right.
17:26Hey, come in.
17:27Sit down.
17:28Yes, it needs a woman's touch.
17:31What does?
17:32Oh, oldie, flat.
17:34I'll say this to Mildred.
17:35She did keep the place tidy.
17:36I'll give her that.
17:37You must miss her.
17:39Really?
17:40No.
17:42No.
17:42I don't miss her.
17:45Well, he does.
17:46Yeah.
17:47Oscar.
17:48Yes, he misses her.
17:50He sometimes lays awake at night missing her.
17:52Oscar does.
17:53Oh.
17:54I expect he's quite fond of her, really.
17:56Oh, yes, yes.
17:58He didn't realise till she was gone how fond of her he was.
18:01He could telephone her.
18:03Ask her to come back.
18:05No, I don't let him use the phone.
18:08Well, yes, good phone.
18:09If only for his sake.
18:11No.
18:12If I did actually think it was me and she hates me.
18:14Oh, she doesn't hate you.
18:16She may be a bit bored with you, a bit fed up.
18:19She may even dislike you a little bit.
18:20Or even quite a lot.
18:22You keep going.
18:22You're right back to hate.
18:24I mean, be honest.
18:25If you were Mildred, would you come back to me?
18:28Well, not the way you look at the moment.
18:29But if you smartened yourself up, had a shave,
18:32have you got a clean shirt?
18:33You come back then?
18:34Well, I wouldn't, but she might.
18:36Smart meself up?
18:37You think I'll let meself go a bit?
18:42Oh, God.
18:44It's not good enough.
18:45I get the meal prepared, piping hot on the table, and where is she?
18:48She's gallivanting off to the post box.
18:50Yeah, all right.
18:50Don't get your penny in a twist.
18:52Now, listen.
18:53My father was right.
18:53They don't deserve good food.
18:55You don't deserve good food.
18:56I've just been speaking to Mr. Roper.
18:58What, alone?
18:58Unaided?
18:59Sit down.
18:59I'll get your brandy.
19:01Oh, he's a proud man.
19:03God knows what odd, but he is.
19:04He says he'll ask her to come back after she's come back and not before.
19:08That don't make sense.
19:10Yeah, no.
19:10If it doesn't make sense to Einstein here, what chance have the rest of us got?
19:12Oh, nice.
19:14Listen, he's going to go on pestering us.
19:15We're going to have to do something.
19:16Yeah, agreed.
19:17Now, what would it be?
19:17Arse, lick and his bread and scrape, or the merciful bullet?
19:20Oh, I'm going to phone Mrs. Roper.
19:21Now, Chris!
19:33Uh, how are you, Scott, please, Percy?
19:35Mr. Roper?
19:36You look quite presentable.
19:38What happened?
19:39And, uh, have one for yourself.
19:41It is Mr. Roper, isn't it?
19:43I'm just off to see the wife.
19:45Give her a bit of surprise.
19:47You'd better make that large one.
19:48For me, I mean.
19:50Oh, naturally.
19:51Yes, she's, uh, been staying with her sister for a few days.
19:54Well, just till she's learned her lesson.
19:56These are for her.
19:57Oh, my.
19:58I thought I'd clicked.
20:01Right, well, just have a quick couple of these, and then I'm off to Purley.
20:05I'm not going to crawl, mind.
20:06Oh, no.
20:07A bus is much the best way.
20:12Yeah.
20:13You're coming home with me, woman.
20:15No argument to do as you're told.
20:18I beg your pardon?
20:19Yeah, I'm...
20:20Oh, sorry, I was, uh...
20:23Hi.
20:24It's Mrs, um, from the pet shop, innit?
20:27I didn't recognise you with your clothes on.
20:29Only without your overall.
20:32Mrs. Hollins.
20:33How's your little what's-its name?
20:41Well, it's, uh, well, it's, uh...
20:43Oscar, I remember.
20:46Your little budgie.
20:48Oh, oh, him.
20:50Yeah, well, he's all right.
20:52Well, he's a bit lonely.
20:54Time of the year.
20:55Aren't we all...
20:56Yeah, I suppose so.
20:59Could I have another Scotch-free, Percy?
21:01Uh, what are you going to have to drink?
21:03A large snowball, please.
21:05Oh.
21:08And do you really think he's missing me, love?
21:10Oh, yes.
21:11I mean, sometimes, you know, some evenings we've heard this,
21:13gurgling sobs coming from downstairs.
21:15Is it just as well you did for him, then, dear?
21:17Nah, that's the lavatory.
21:19Of course, it might have been him.
21:21I mean, he's not the man he was, you know.
21:22He never was.
21:23Mrs. Roper, he said to me,
21:25the only one I ever loved has left me.
21:27Oh, is his budgie escaped, then?
21:29Give him you!
21:30Well, it doesn't sound like him.
21:31What were his exact words?
21:33Oh, I missed the old bag.
21:35That sounds like him.
21:37No, he did say he missed you.
21:39That's true, yes.
21:40So you must have missed him a bit.
21:42Well, you know, I'm used to him, dear.
21:44Like you get used to a bunion or toothache.
21:46I mean, there you are, then.
21:48Imagine life without him.
21:50I mean, never to see him again.
21:53I grant you, it sounds attractive.
21:54Yeah, it certainly does.
21:56Only to ours, not necessarily to Mrs. Roper.
21:58Oh, look, dears, I know you mean well,
22:00and I do appreciate what you're trying to say.
22:02You know, I have been thinking about it.
22:04Perhaps I was a bit hasty.
22:05Oh, don't upset yourself, Mrs. Roper.
22:07He's not worth it.
22:08Well, I mean, yes, he is worth it.
22:09Oh, yes, he is definitely.
22:10No, he is not.
22:12I mean, after all, he's all I've got.
22:14Should I give him another chance?
22:16Well, look, why don't we toss for it?
22:19Look, I think we've interfered quite enough.
22:21Right.
22:22You've talked me into it.
22:25They would never let me see her.
22:28Her sister and her husband and the goldfish.
22:31They do not like me.
22:33They'd have never let me see her.
22:34So I came home to you, my only friend.
22:40He's not your only friend, George.
22:43Mildred?
22:44George.
22:45Mildred?
22:46George.
22:47No, no, no.
22:47Don't say anything.
22:49Just listen.
22:50Now, look, I want you to know, George,
22:51that, well, you can't help being the way you are.
22:55And perhaps I could have tried, you know,
22:58a bit harder to understand and, well, no, no, no, no.
23:03Just listen.
23:05When two people love each other, George,
23:08does it really matter whether they like each other?
23:12You know, I mean, all the time.
23:15I mean, isn't that what love is all about?
23:17Make mine a large one, dear.
23:19I think they're back to normal.
23:45They're definitely back to normal.
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