Man About the House. S01 E01. Three's a Crowd.

deaddogsdam

First broadcast 14th August 1973.  After a farewell party for departing flatmate Eleanor, Jo and Chrissy are anxious to find a third girl to share but find cookery student Robin Tripp in the bath instead.  Richard O'Sullivan - Robin Tripp Paula Wilcox - Chrissy Sally Thomsett - Jo Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper Brian Murphy - George Roper Helen Fraser - Gabrielle Irene Peters - Student

Transcript

00:00.

01:32Sun is shining, world is turning, can't be bad.

01:39Stand members are by, pencils boys, it's recipe finish time.

01:43And today we've got a real treat.

01:53Pork fritters in sour cream.

01:56Have you no respect for the dying?

02:09Well, you're not dying.

02:13I'm hoping to.

02:15Oh.

02:16Ew.

02:18Oh.

02:20Tell me something.

02:21Yeah?

02:22That terrible girl at the party last night.

02:25Yeah.

02:26The one that kept giggling and wanted to strip tease.

02:29Yeah.

02:30It was me, wasn't it?

02:33Oh.

02:34Oh, yes.

02:35Oh.

02:37I ruined Diana's wedding reception.

02:39No, she didn't even notice.

02:41Her labour pain started and she was woofed up.

02:44That's nice.

02:45Yes.

02:46A boy.

02:47Seven pounds, eight ounces.

02:49Oh, well, that'll spoil the honeymoon.

02:50Oh, well, that'll spoil the honeymoon.

02:53Oh.

02:55Look at that.

02:56Oh.

02:57Oh.

02:57Put it away.

02:58It'll attract the flies.

03:04I am going for a bath.

03:07Oh.

03:08With a bit of luck, I might drown.

03:10It was your fault.

03:11You mixed the punch.

03:12There was absolutely nothing wrong with that punch.

03:15Then why has the ladle turned green?

03:18Oh, well, I don't know anything about drinks.

03:24Maybe there was something wrong with the gin.

03:26Or the tequila.

03:28Or the whiskey.

03:28Oh.

03:29Oh.

03:33Oh.

03:38Or the rum.

03:39Or the sourdough.

03:44There's a man in the bath.

03:47A what?

03:47A man.

03:49A fella asleep in the bath.

03:53Oh, yes.

03:54Is he one of yours?

03:56I won't.

03:59No.

04:00No, I've never seen him before.

04:05Hello.

04:06Maybe he's a burglar.

04:07Oh, yeah.

04:07Crept in after the bath plug and fell asleep on the job.

04:09Well, we can't just leave him there.

04:14There's a girl coming round to see the place this afternoon.

04:16Good evening.

04:40Good morning.

04:41Good afternoon.

04:43Perhaps, is it really?

04:44Uh, Tripp.

04:46Robin Tripp.

04:50Robin Tripp, how do you do?

04:53I'm Chrissie, this is Jo.

04:55How do you do, Jo?

04:55How do you do?

04:57Um, you're most probably wondering what I was doing in your bath.

05:00No, not at all.

05:01I'm just glad I noticed you before I got in.

05:06I remember you from the party last night.

05:09You look different then.

05:10Sort of drier.

05:11Yeah, quite, yeah.

05:12I came with a chap who said he was a friend of one of the gatecrashers.

05:14Um, so, have you got another towel, please?

05:18Yeah, yeah, I'll get you one.

05:20Well, how did you come to fall asleep in the bath?

05:23Right, that's a good question.

05:25Well, the last thing I actually remember is having some of that dreadful punch.

05:27Oh, yes, well...

05:31Well, come in.

05:35Sit down.

05:37I did bring a bottle last night.

05:39Cherry brandy.

05:40Oh, good.

05:40I don't know if you collect miniatures.

05:42I gave it to the other girl who shares the flat.

05:47Eleanor.

05:48Eleanor, that's right.

05:49Yes, the one that was a bit, um...

05:51Oh, yes.

05:52She had a boy.

05:54Yes, I thought she must have had.

05:55Um, this...

05:58I'd better be moving.

06:01Don't be silly.

06:02Take your clothes off.

06:03Do what?

06:07There's a definite crack in the ceiling.

06:09It's that party last night that did it.

06:10It was Hitler did it, George.

06:12Well, not unless he was up there dancing.

06:14And the noise.

06:16It was a buzz bomb during the war.

06:18Do you know when it finally finished?

06:19Be ye, Dave.

06:20Yeah, three o'clock in the morning.

06:23I wouldn't have minded if I'd been invited.

06:25Oh, you wouldn't have liked it, George.

06:27All those young girls...

06:29No, you're not up to it.

06:31What's that supposed to mean?

06:33Well, you know how to keep the pot boiling down here.

06:36Oh, don't start that again.

06:39You know, it was a going-away party.

06:41One of the girls was going away.

06:44If you were going away, I'd have a party.

06:47It's a pity you don't live in India.

06:49You'd be sacred, you wouldn't.

06:53Which one of it is going up there to complain?

06:55Oh, I really do think it ought to be the head of the household, George.

06:58Right.

06:59I'll pop up as soon as me name is.

07:02Prises and socks.

07:04Is that the lot?

07:04Yes.

07:06Are you sure?

07:07Yes, a positive.

07:09What about your knickers?

07:10The duke of York.

07:23The anchor.

07:24Oh, they do nice cheese sandwiches in there.

07:26I feel an absolute burke in this.

07:39You look gorgeous.

07:41If I was a fella, I'd fancy you.

07:42I've seen people arrested for less.

07:44No, come on.

07:45I mean, haven't you got anything else, you know, anything that would sort of fit me?

07:48That's the only thing.

07:48It was Eleanor's.

07:49Yes, I thought it was.

07:50Yes.

07:51Have you got a razor I could borrow, please?

07:53You can borrow mine.

07:58I don't mind if you don't.

08:01That's fine, you know, that's really fine.

08:03Great.

08:04Have you got some shaving cream?

08:05Yeah, of course.

08:06It's out there with me pipe and me rugger boots.

08:10You haven't got any?

08:11No.

08:14How about this?

08:15Would that do?

08:16Oh, yeah, that should be all right.

08:17That's fine, yeah.

08:17What is it?

08:20We use it for cleaning the bath.

08:34How's it going?

08:35So, so.

08:36Eleanor didn't leave the recipe for toast.

08:40Oh, look, stir the scrambled egg, will you?

08:42Yeah.

08:42Ew, what are the black bits?

08:48I don't know.

08:48I think it's part of the non-stick coating.

08:51Oh, I said it's very decent of you two.

08:57They're feeding me as well.

08:58You haven't seen it yet.

09:00Sit down.

09:02No, really, really, I'm starving.

09:04You know, I could eat absolutely...

09:06Anything.

09:09Starting off the scrambled eggs.

09:10Really, yes.

09:12Haven't seen a meal like this since I left home.

09:14Oh, your mother was a rotten cook too, was she?

09:17Terrible.

09:18Still, I'm sure this will be delicious.

09:21As I was saying, that, um...

09:22Where's home?

09:28Um, Southampton.

09:31At least it was, you know, I hardly ever go...

09:33hardly ever go back there now, you know.

09:36It's funny how you grow away from your old friends, you know, when you come to London.

09:40Build a new life for yourself.

09:42And they're stuck in their old ways.

09:44When did you leave?

09:45Day before yesterday.

09:48Still a trace of the accent left there.

09:49Oh, you never lose it.

09:51Actually, I, um...

09:52I can't eat any more of this.

09:55It's a bit, uh...

09:57You know, um...

09:59Horrible.

10:01Oh, charming.

10:02Can you do any better?

10:04Yes.

10:05Right, let's see what we've got, shall we?

10:06Right.

10:09Uh-huh.

10:10Eggs.

10:11Butter.

10:14Cabbage.

10:15Ah, shallots.

10:16Hmm.

10:18Obvious, isn't it?

10:18Oh, yes, it's obvious, isn't it?

10:20He's gone mad.

10:21No, no, no.

10:22Earth's County Lien.

10:23Could you bring the stuff with home, please?

10:24We should really have some Cantal cheese,

10:27made from the Yvonne district of France,

10:28made from a carefully selected blend of cows, goats and ewes milk.

10:32Or Mousetrap Cheddar Duke.

10:34Even better.

10:35Now, listen.

10:36Can you, uh, can you boil an egg?

10:38Well, I don't know.

10:38Eleanor always did all the cooking.

10:40Look, do you know what you're doing?

10:42Of course I do.

10:42I'm standing for my diploma at the, uh, at the Technical College.

10:46I'll need some, uh, need some breadcrumbs, please.

10:47Oh, I think there's some in my bed.

10:49No, no, no.

10:51No, no, some fresh ones.

10:53I'll make my own.

10:55You don't make breadcrumbs.

10:56They just fall off the bread.

10:58And, uh, I'll need some wine, some white wine.

11:00I really want to have a macon.

11:02Why do you think it's going to rain?

11:06Pardon?

11:07Joe!

11:08Oh, that's very good.

11:10Yes.

11:11Or Shadley.

11:11Shadley, please.

11:12Oh, go and have a look.

11:13And, Joe, if you could get me a heat tablespoon of milk, please.

11:18Heat!

11:18Oh, go and have a look.

11:19What?

11:22Mise en boutte.

11:23Oh, co-op bottling depot, Manchester.

11:30Hello, dear.

11:32Um, about the noise last night.

11:33Oh, Mrs. Roper, I was going to come down.

11:35Yes.

11:36Through the ceiling, we thought.

11:38I mean, I didn't mind the music, dear, but...

11:40The foul language.

11:42There wasn't any.

11:43You weren't down there with him, dear.

11:45Well, we weren't the only ones making a noise.

11:47I mean, he was banging on the ceiling with a broom handle,

11:49and not even in time with the music.

11:50Yes, dear, but if you could just keep it down a little bit next time,

11:54I'll be able to...

11:55You see, you've got the white wine, please, the white wine.

11:56Oh, hello there, Chloe.

11:58Sorry, I'm rushing.

11:59I'm, uh, I'm rushing about a bit

12:01because I've just poured hot, hot botties here over my shallots.

12:03Excuse me.

12:04Oh, dear.

12:08Who's that?

12:09Uh, that's just someone who spent the night here.

12:11Oh, well, perhaps I'd just better pop off then, dear.

12:14Yes, yes.

12:15Right.

12:17Oh, uh, look, love, I don't want to worry you,

12:20but I think that's a man dressed up.

12:24LAUGHTER

12:25APPLAUSE

12:41You study catering full-time, do you?

12:56Oh, yes, yes.

12:57And, uh, you know, although I say it myself,

12:59I can do things with a leg of lamb that would make your eyes pop out.

13:01Yeah, well, I'll take you a long way for that.

13:04LAUGHTER

13:04Actually, you know, it's not really the sort of thing

13:08you find a lot of men doing, is it?

13:10No, that is true.

13:12Mm.

13:14I know what you're getting at, and I'm not.

13:16Now, come on, come on, let's be fair.

13:18All the best chefs are male.

13:19Robert Carrier, Graham Kerr, Clement Freud...

13:21Fanny Craddock.

13:22No!

13:23LAUGHTER

13:24I mean, she is the exception that proves the rule.

13:26Listen, the eggs should be done by now.

13:27LAUGHTER

13:28Anybody seen the egg timer?

13:29Yes, I put it in the pan with the eggs.

13:32LAUGHTER

13:32Oh, she will have a little ch...

13:34She did.

13:36I'll get it.

13:37Well, at least it hasn't broken.

13:39Ah, that's because she forgot to put the gas on.

13:41Oh, great.

13:43Hello.

13:44Oh, hello.

13:45I phoned yesterday about your advert for someone to share.

13:48Not that you've put an advert in yet,

13:50but if I'd waited till you did, it would have gone,

13:52and there wouldn't have been any point, would there?

13:53No. Come in.

13:54Oh, thank you so much.

13:56Chrissie!

13:56Hey, I heard there was a gal moving out

13:58from a friend of a friend of a friend.

13:59The first friend was hers, and the third friend was mine,

14:02but I don't know who the one in the middle was.

14:04Still, here I am, and...

14:06Oh...

14:07I do like that wallpaper.

14:10I do think wallpaper helps a room, don't you?

14:13Is it gas or electric?

14:15What, the wallpaper?

14:16The flat, silly!

14:18The room!

14:19Oh, hello.

14:20But, I mean, you can't always tell.

14:22Some of those electric fires look just like coal, don't they?

14:26Only I'm a chilly mortal, and I cannot bear cold feet in bed.

14:29Can you...?

14:30Depends who they're attached to.

14:32What?

14:33In woman's clothes?

14:34Up there?

14:34Yes, George.

14:36I mean, he had long hair,

14:37and he was wearing this sort of frilly thing.

14:40But he didn't fool me.

14:41Sure, it was a man.

14:42I mean, they all look alike these days.

14:43Not to me, they don't.

14:44Anyway, I could see these sort of little hairs on his chest.

14:50They were peeping out.

14:51Yeah, well, that doesn't prove much.

14:53Look at your mother.

14:56George, it was a man.

14:58I don't know what he thought he was messing about at.

15:00Well, I do.

15:01He'd probably hope he didn't realise he's a bloke.

15:03Probably planning to stay the night.

15:04He already has.

15:05What?

15:05Well, it's very nice, I'm sure.

15:10Small, as you say,

15:11but there'll be a bit more room

15:13when the bed folds up into the wall.

15:15It does fold up, doesn't it?

15:17Oh, you try stopping it.

15:19Um, this is the kitchen.

15:20Oh, it's very nice.

15:22And this is Robin's thingy.

15:24Uh, how do you do?

15:25Excuse oven gloves.

15:27You found him in the bath?

15:28No.

15:29I found a spider in the bath once.

15:31They crawl up the waste pipe, you know.

15:33Horrible hair, you think it was.

15:36I just opened my mouth and screamed.

15:39I've kept the plug in it ever since.

15:41She's got a good name.

15:44Well, um, uh...

15:46Oh, Gabrielle.

15:48But my friends call me Gabby.

15:51Yes.

15:52Well, actually, we do have one or two other girls

15:54coming to look at the room.

15:55No, we don't have anyone else.

15:56If we advertise, we will have.

15:57So, um, if you'd just like to leave me your phone number...

16:00Well, you know, I could call round in the morning and...

16:02Right, where is he?

16:05Mr. Roper.

16:06Ah, there you are.

16:08Yes, well, that outfit doesn't fool me.

16:10No male visitors after 12 o'clock.

16:12Oh, this is our landlord.

16:14That's right.

16:14Well, get those clothes off.

16:15Come on.

16:17I mean, you're not even convincing, are you?

16:18I mean, anyone can see they're not real.

16:22How you thought you could get away with...

16:24Oh, my God.

16:30You dirty old man!

16:33Every time it's there.

16:35It's a mistake anyone can make, isn't it?

16:37They don't look real, do they?

16:38I thought they were a couple of people.

16:50He squeezed my bosoms!

16:55Well, he's never done that before.

16:56Oh, no.

16:57Must be undergone the philisane.

16:59Oh, I couldn't.

17:00I couldn't live in the same house as a man who...

17:03Well, I like to keep myself to my...

17:05He didn't even say please!

17:08I'm sorry.

17:09Goodbye.

17:09How about that?

17:14Hey, Grover the Grover.

17:16Come on, get it.

17:17It's ready.

17:18Right, now, Chrissie, you sit in the middle.

17:20And, Joe, you sit on the far side there.

17:22Now, watch it because it's very hot.

17:24OK?

17:25There we are.

17:26I'm afraid it's, you know, something rather makeshift.

17:29Nothing really.

17:31Sorry about the cutlery, but that's British Rail for you.

17:35It looks good.

17:36Smells good.

17:39And, by golly, it's revolting.

17:44What?

17:45I'm kidding.

17:46It's great.

17:46It's super.

17:48My speciality is les Lagostines grillées au beurre se frien avec les salades doucettes.

17:52What's that?

17:53French.

17:55Eventually, what I want to do, you know, is open an exclusive little club, you know, for...

17:59and a restaurant for people who can really appreciate high prices.

18:01Oh, smash it.

18:02You're going to make someone a lovely wife one day.

18:04Thank you very much, yes.

18:05I must say, it's nice to get at the oven again.

18:07I don't get much chance at the YMCA.

18:08Is that where you're staying?

18:09Yes, only for the time being until I find a place of my own, but, of course, you know,

18:12I'll most probably have to share.

18:14Oh.

18:16Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

18:19Oh, I might be.

18:20I'll tell you, Mildred, it was a woman.

18:23I've got a very sensitive finger.

18:24Well, I think I ought to know a man when I see you, Juan George.

18:28Mainly from memory, I must admit.

18:30Well, what's that supposed to mean?

18:33Well, it's a long time since you laid a finger for me.

18:36Yeah, well, if you stop sleeping in that sauna belt, I might be more interested.

18:39It's like going to bed with a Michelin man.

18:41Don't change the subject, George.

18:45What are we going to do about him?

18:47It's a her.

18:48It's a him.

18:50What, me?

18:52Share a flack with you two girls?

18:54Well, I must say, it's, um, something to think about.

18:57Well, it would have to be equal share.

18:59Oh, certainly.

18:59Yes, of course.

19:00Yes, yes.

19:01Of what?

19:02The rent rates, phone food.

19:03Oh, those.

19:04Yes, yes, of course, of course.

19:06And that's all we'd be sharing.

19:08One grope mate and you'd be out.

19:09Listen.

19:11I wouldn't dream of it.

19:12You can dream of it, all right, as long as you don't make too much noise.

19:15Listen.

19:19There's going to be obvious snags, aren't there?

19:21I mean, look, supposing, you know, sorry, supposing I want to sort of, you know, pull a girl,

19:25I mean, you know, bring my girlfriend back for a quick, uh, quiet chat, you know.

19:30Oh, we'd go to the pictures.

19:33Yes, I know, but you see, there's no lock on that bathroom door, is there, you see?

19:35And I, I usually have a bath in a nude.

19:37No.

19:39Well, you can sing, can't you?

19:41That's what we do.

19:42Nick, see, look, I've half promised to share a flack with somebody else.

19:44In fact, I said I'd bring him this morning.

19:45Can I use your phone?

19:46Yeah, sure, through there.

19:47Okay.

19:49Oh, well, back to instant porridge, instant mash.

19:53Instant indigestion.

19:58Here we are.

20:00Ah, Douglas, 8462375.

20:05Douglas?

20:06Douglas!

20:07Yes, yes, I, uh, I met him at your party last night.

20:10He seemed a very nice chap.

20:11Mm, divine.

20:12Ducky!

20:13Yes, he said I, uh, I might be able to move in with him.

20:16Sorry, just one second.

20:17Sorry.

20:18Uh, hello?

20:19Hello, Douglas?

20:20Um, this is Robin here.

20:23I don't know if you remember, I met you at the party last night, Robin Tripp.

20:26Yes, that's right, yes.

20:27Well, the thing is, Douglas, sorry?

20:31Oh, all right, Dougie.

20:33Uh, the thing is, the thing is, Dougie, you said your flatmate, was it?

20:37Geoff, Geoffrey, yes.

20:38Geoffrey was, was leaving.

20:41Tiff.

20:42Oh.

20:42Oh, I'm sorry.

20:43Well, anyway, you said, am I what, sorry?

20:46Gay?

20:47Um.

20:50Well, you know, I'm a reasonably happy sort of chap, but, you know, in the morning I'm not quite...

20:55Oh, sorry, that gay?

20:56No.

20:56Um.

20:56No, Doug, Douglas, I don't, I don't think we'd get on very well together.

21:01Um.

21:02No, it's, it's not that, Douglas.

21:03No, no, no.

21:04I didn't even know you wore a toupee.

21:05I can't...

21:06Oh, you could have been on to a good thing there.

21:10You'd never have to buy yourself another box of chocolates.

21:14I suppose I should have realised when he asked me to dance, really.

21:17Listen, girls, can I take you up on that kind offer?

21:20Oh, I see.

21:21On the rebound, Darwin.

21:23Well, I don't know.

21:24What do you think?

21:25Well, I'm for anyone who can cook like that.

21:28And as a washing up.

21:30Washing up?

21:32Washing up.

21:33Washing up.

21:34It's a deal.

21:35Er, excuse me.

21:36Any missing about and we'll take you straight round to the vet.

21:38Right.

21:39Fair enough.

21:43They're still a bit damp round the prospect of whipping.

21:48Look, you can move in when you like, cos the room's empty.

21:50Right.

21:51Well, sorry to barge in again like this, ladies,

21:53but the wife and I are in a little disagreement over a certain matter of sex.

21:57Oh, you want to borrow a book?

21:59No.

22:00We hear about that young man, George.

22:03There he is.

22:04Him?

22:06Oh, no, no, no.

22:07He's not the one I, er, I, er...

22:09No, definitely not.

22:10This is our landlord.

22:11He's always doing that.

22:12How do you do?

22:13I'm Robin Tripp and I should be moving in here.

22:15Yeah, no, the one I saw had completely...

22:17You'll be doing no such thing.

22:18No.

22:19What, a fella moving in with two birds?

22:21I suppose you thought I wouldn't realise dressed up like that.

22:23Oh, look, it would be purely platonic.

22:25I don't care what he...

22:26What's that mean?

22:27Well, like you and me, George.

22:31I don't believe it.

22:32Anyway, I'm not having it.

22:33Neither would he be.

22:34Very well, I'll put my trousers on.

22:38Oh, well, if you must, you must.

22:41There you are.

22:42Why did he have them off?

22:44I can explain.

22:46Oh, I don't understand it.

22:48No, neither do I.

22:49I mean, come on.

22:49It is the permissive society, right?

22:51Yeah.

22:51The swinging 70s.

22:52I mean, Andy Warhol, flesh, trash, you name it.

22:55Anything goes today, doesn't it?

22:56Yeah.

22:56Can you just turn around when I put my trousers on?

23:00I'll, uh, I'll leave you the recipe for scantillienne.

23:02Oh, no, no, no, don't.

23:03Because the way I cook, it would be sacrilege.

23:05Yes, that is true, yes.

23:06Listen, listen, George.

23:08Come here.

23:09What do you think if I sort of went in there, you know,

23:11and tried to talk to him, you know,

23:12explain it to him, or, you know, or better still, grovel?

23:17Oh, you never know.

23:18You've talked to me.

23:19Uh, excuse me.

23:21Mr. Groper.

23:22Roper.

23:22Sorry, Roper.

23:25There's a couple of things you ought to know about me.

23:27Yes, yes, it's all right, son.

23:28She's just been explaining.

23:29Um, sorry I misjudged you.

23:32Yes.

23:32I mean, you can stay here as long as you like.

23:34You know, it's all right.

23:35Well, I hope you'll be very happy.

23:38Well, thank you very much indeed.

23:39Yes.

23:40George?

23:47What did you say?

23:49I just set his mind at rest.

23:50Huh?

23:51Mainly about the sex bit.

23:52Yeah.

23:54The thing is,

23:55you'll probably have to go on wearing that for the rest of your life.

23:58Why?

23:59Told him you were a pup.

24:00Oh.

24:01Oh.

24:19Oh, shit.

24:20Thank you, señor.

24:22Oh, shit.

24:22Oh.

24:35Oh.

24:36Oh.

24:37Oh.

24:38Oh.

24:39Yeah.

24:41Oh.

Category

Transcript

Be the first to comment

Recommended