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  • 6 weeks ago
First broadcast 13th February 1974.

Robin has got the results of his cookery exam and he has failed.

Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Paula Wilcox - Chrissy
Sally Thomsett - Jo
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Leslie Sands - Mr. Tripp
Doug Fisher - Larry
John Carlin - Mr. Gideon

Category

📺
TV
Transcript
00:00Transcription by CastingWords
01:00Oh, dear. I don't know what you put down this sink.
01:23It's the third time this month it's got blocked up.
01:25It's the third time we've asked you about it. It's the first time you've done anything.
01:28Yeah, well, I'm a very busy man. People keep pestering me. Do this, do that.
01:33Well, I say, bucket.
01:35What?
01:36Bucket's right about it.
01:39Oh, dear. Look at that, eh?
01:45Potato peelings, milk bottle tops. It's not a waste disposal, you know. It's a sink. It's an ordinary sink.
01:50Fancy a cup of tea, Mr Roper?
01:51Er, yeah, tar.
01:52Well, we did try clearing it with a length of wire.
01:55Yeah, I know. That's in here and all.
02:00You know, we really should get one of those sink-tidy things. They're very good.
02:03Oh, dear.
02:04Oh, dear.
02:19Oh, dear, me.
02:23Oh.
02:23Oh.
02:25That was a pretty stupid thing to do, wasn't it, eh?
02:27Oh, sorry.
02:28Yeah.
02:28It was only an accident, Mr Roper.
02:30Well, if it's obvious, it goes straight through without any waste-truck, the ca-
02:33Oh!
02:35Oh, dear, darling.
02:37Oh, dear.
02:38Come on.
02:43Did you see his face?
02:45Listen, I think we'd better give him a glass of champagne when Robin comes back.
02:48Yeah, I tell you what, he can lie flat out on his back and I'll pour it down the plug hole.
02:53Oh, good timing.
02:54Hey, we've got something for you.
02:55Yeah?
02:56Celebration.
02:57Oh, celebration, yeah.
02:58Well, come on, tell us all about it.
03:01Well, I went down to the Technical College and in the hall they've got this big notice
03:05board, right, with all the exam results posted over it.
03:08Oh, there we go.
03:11Now, at first I couldn't get quite near it, you know, because there was such a crowd.
03:14But, you know, I wanted to sort of find out how they all got on.
03:16But finally I made it.
03:18There was this list.
03:19Cheers.
03:19There was this list.
03:20All the students who'd passed their National Diploma in Catering.
03:23Yes?
03:24There was my name.
03:25Missing.
03:25I failed.
03:26Cheers.
03:26Cheers.
03:26What?
03:29I failed.
03:30Do you think you'll get a rebate on the rest of that stuff?
03:32Well, you can't have failed.
03:33You're a fabulous cook.
03:34Yes, I know normally, but, you know, my nerves.
03:37And I'm here to tell you that Yorkshire pudding knows when you're nervous.
03:40Oh.
03:41Yeah, well, I'll fix the, uh, hello, champagne at midday.
03:43Yeah, we're celebrating.
03:44Yeah, we're celebrating.
03:44I've just failed my exams.
03:46Oh.
03:47Congratulations.
03:49Come on.
03:49I think where I went wrong was putting curry powder in my egg custard.
03:54You don't usually do that.
03:55Yeah, I know.
03:56I was hoping the instructor would overlook it, you know, but...
03:58Oh, what about the written exams?
04:00Oh.
04:00No, I started quite well there.
04:02Yes, I got the date right.
04:03And I wasn't, to be fair, I wasn't too far from the correct answers.
04:06Oh?
04:07No, the guy next door to me had them.
04:09Well, I shouldn't worry too much about it, son.
04:11I mean, I never pass an examination in me life, and look at me.
04:17Yeah, well, I think I'll be going now.
04:19Thanks for the, uh, the, uh, cheerio.
04:24Well, cheer up.
04:26Yeah, it's not the end of the world.
04:27No, you're right.
04:29It's not the end of the world.
04:31That'll happen when I tell my mother and father.
04:33Yeah, he's only got himself to blame.
04:36They don't work, these students.
04:37Yes, long-haired layabouts, most of them.
04:39Oh, poor Mr. Tripp.
04:41Yeah, well, it's all this free love on the rates.
04:43It saps the brain.
04:44Yeah.
04:45Yes, George.
04:47What they need is a good war to straighten them out.
04:50Yeah.
04:51Yes.
04:51Now, don't you get sarcastic with me.
04:53I've got nothing against the younger generation.
04:56I mean, I'm not long out of it myself.
04:57Oh, come on.
04:59When I was his age, I'd been under a butcher for four years.
05:02Two quid a week and all the offal I could eat.
05:04Quite right, George, yes.
05:08Up the chimneys with them.
05:09I was 25 before I saw an orange.
05:11Oh.
05:13We was grateful for what we could get in those days.
05:15I still am.
05:17Don't start that.
05:19Look, George, what have you ever done with your life?
05:22Hmm?
05:23I mean, what is the summit of your achievement?
05:25Winning a tin cruet set of Battersea funfair.
05:27I mean, at least Mr. Tripp has tried.
05:30He and failed.
05:30He tried.
05:31And failed.
05:32Oh!
05:34Actually, you know, Dad wants me to go back and work in the family business.
05:38Tripp's Extruded Tubing, Southampton Limited.
05:41You can't extrude tubes for the rest of your life.
05:44My wife wanted me to be a Royal Marine.
05:46What?
05:49Oh, that was before I was born.
05:51I turned out to be a girl.
05:53Yes, yes, yes.
05:56Well, there's no use moping about it.
05:58I'm not.
05:58I didn't want to be a Royal Marine.
06:01Joe, me?
06:03No use of me moping about it?
06:04Yes.
06:05I suppose I could get myself a job.
06:08What is there for a failed cookery student?
06:10Bus driving.
06:11Not a lot of cooking in that.
06:13Thank you very much.
06:14You're a great help.
06:15Listen, I'm at the crossroads of my life.
06:17And there's one thing I need more than anything else.
06:20Advice?
06:21No, a pint.
06:24There, mate.
06:25Oh, cheers.
06:27Actually, what I really came round for was some advice.
06:29Well, I don't see your problem.
06:31Just because you're a failure don't mean you're not a success.
06:34I don't understand that, but it sounds encouraging.
06:37Well, they've all been failures at one time or another.
06:40Edward Heath.
06:41He used to walk about.
06:42No shoes on.
06:43Couldn't read all right.
06:44I never knew that.
06:45Yeah.
06:46Mind, he was only 18 months old at the time.
06:49Yeah, you're laughing.
06:51Not at a terrible joke like that, I'm not.
06:52Look, you go back to work for your old man, right?
06:54Yeah.
06:55That makes you the bossy son.
06:57Trendy young executive.
06:58Flash car on a firm.
07:00Dolly's secretary sprawled across your blotter.
07:03No, no.
07:04It wouldn't be like that.
07:07Would it?
07:08Course it would.
07:10Half the birds in Southampton want to marry a bossy son.
07:12Yeah, and if I concentrated on the other half, eh?
07:14You'd be all right.
07:15And you'd be from London, wouldn't you?
07:17I don't know anything about extruded tubes.
07:20Now then, I don't know much about anything else, either.
07:23Yeah, well, you're a fast learner.
07:25Look at the way you picked up five billions.
07:27I don't know what you're...
07:28Oh, God, the laughing landlord.
07:31Mr. Simmons, you know I'm not one to complain,
07:33but you left your yogurt on the front doorstep all day yesterday.
07:36It lures the tone of the whole neighbourhood.
07:39Good afternoon.
07:41Hello.
07:41Yeah, I'm sorry about it, Mr. Gideon.
07:43And I've spoken to you before about bringing young ladies into the house.
07:46He's a fella!
07:47I'm referring to last Wednesday evening,
07:52between the odds of 6.47 and 11.28,
07:55with particular reference to 16 minutes past 10.
07:59Yeah, well, you know...
08:00I live upstairs, you know.
08:02Yes, I thought you might.
08:03Oh, quite frankly, I was on the verge of banging.
08:09Well, I'll say no more about that,
08:11but I feel I must mention one other subject.
08:14Fly spray.
08:17Yeah.
08:18Fly spray.
08:20Oh, yeah.
08:21Fly spray.
08:22Well, it doesn't do me any good.
08:23It doesn't exactly thrill the flies, doesn't it?
08:27I'm allergic.
08:29I mean, when you use fly spray down here,
08:31it permeates up to me.
08:33I've trouble with my breathing.
08:35Well, I'll say no more about that.
08:37I'm not one to complain, you know.
08:41I have trouble with my breathing.
08:43He'll have more trouble
08:44if I ever get my ears round his throat.
08:47Oh, landlords.
08:48Yeah, oh, Mr. Roper's just as bad.
08:50Mingey little ferret.
08:51Yeah, still, you've got compensations, haven't you?
08:54Chrissie and Joe.
08:56No wonder you failed your exam.
08:58Shaky handwriting.
09:00You know how it is.
09:01They beg and plead.
09:04I always say the same thing.
09:05Get away.
09:06No, that's not it.
09:08I think you'd better get back to Southampton
09:09why your legs can still carry you to the station.
09:12Actually, you could be right there, Larry.
09:14Here's to Southampton.
09:15Cheers.
09:16Cheers.
09:17Did you see the look that girl in the dress shop gave me?
09:20Well, I could see her point.
09:21Have you got the same size, only bigger?
09:22Well, she knew what I meant.
09:24Do you think this is a bit low-cut, hmm?
09:28No, you'll be all right.
09:29Just walk around with your arms folded.
09:31Yeah, but do you think it brings out the real me?
09:34Well, it'll bring out most of the real you.
09:37Hello, sunshine.
09:39Oh, you're not still depressed about your exams, are you?
09:41No, no, I've got over that.
09:42You found something else to be depressed about.
09:44That was quick.
09:44Come on, sit down a second.
09:46Joe?
09:47Joe?
09:47Come on.
09:48Sit down.
09:49I want to read you a letter, OK?
09:56Dear Mum, this is to my mother.
09:59Yes.
09:59Yes.
10:01Dear Mum, I blew it.
10:02I'm coming home to work for Dad.
10:03Love, Robin.
10:07Does that mean that you're going to leave the flat?
10:09Oh, no, no.
10:09I shall commute from here to Southampton twice a day.
10:12You are leaving.
10:13Yes, yes, I am.
10:14But, you know, not right away.
10:16I'll hang on a bit till you find a replacement for me.
10:18Yeah, no.
10:19Might take some time.
10:21Hello, Chrissy.
10:22Hello, Joe.
10:23On the other hand, it might not.
10:25Oh, yeah, there might be a vacancy in a flat.
10:27Is that right?
10:27Is that right?
10:27Oh, yeah, there might be a vacancy in a flat.
10:28Oh, yeah, there might be a vacancy in a flat.
10:28Oh, yeah, there might be a vacancy in a flat.
10:29Oh, yeah, there might be a vacancy in a flat.
10:30Oh, yeah, there might be a vacancy in a flat.
10:31Oh, yeah, there might be a vacancy in a flat.
10:32Oh, yeah, there might be a vacancy in a flat.
10:33Oh, yeah, there might be a vacancy in a flat.
10:34Oh, yeah, there might be a vacancy in a flat.
10:35Oh, yeah, there might be a vacancy in a flat.
10:36Oh, yeah, there might be a vacancy in a flat.
10:37Oh, yeah, there might be a vacancy in a flat.
10:38Oh, yeah, there might be a vacancy in a flat.
10:39Listen, when Larry moves in, you'd better watch him, because he's a randy little beggar.
11:01Oh, well, we won't notice the difference, then.
11:04Oh, come on, be fair.
11:06I mean, I might have tried it on once or twice, but when you said no, I didn't push it.
11:10No, and now it's too late.
11:13Well, I'll tell you what, there's a couple of hours before my training leaves.
11:15We've got time for a quick...
11:16No!
11:18All right, I won't push it.
11:25Will you miss me?
11:26Hmm.
11:27The bathroom won't be the same without your wet underpants dripping over the sink.
11:31Is that how you see me?
11:32Wet underpants?
11:34Is that it?
11:35No.
11:35Oh, there's your socks as well.
11:38No, of course I'll miss you.
11:40Much?
11:42Hmm, quite a bit.
11:45Actually, you know, Chrissie, there was a time when I thought, you know, maybe you and me, we might have sort of got it together.
11:51But I always said no.
11:53Right.
11:54And you always believe me.
11:57LAUGHTER
11:57Are you sort of trying to say that you didn't mean it?
12:03Of course I meant it.
12:04Oh.
12:05There you go again, believe in me.
12:06LAUGHTER
12:07Come on, let's go and get the rest of your stuff.
12:10I don't understand that.
12:12LAUGHTER
12:12Two meat skewers, one cooking thermometer, one slidey thing that you put in the pan.
12:22Spatula.
12:24And, um, what do you do with this?
12:27My coddle eggs.
12:28Ask a silly question.
12:30Actually, no, there's not much point in me taking this lot back to Southampton.
12:33I'll most probably never cook again.
12:34Oh, but you must.
12:35It's the thing you do best.
12:37No, it isn't, but you wouldn't know about that.
12:39LAUGHTER
12:40Why? What else do you do?
12:43Yeah.
12:43I believe people.
12:46Right.
12:47Well, oh, I'd better say my goodbyes.
12:50But you don't leave for two hours.
12:51I know, but I'm such a sentimental person.
12:54It takes me so long to say goodbye.
12:56You're sitting on your thermometer.
12:58What?
13:02Actually, by rights, you should have a headache.
13:05LAUGHTER
13:05I'll try it to the last. I'll give him that.
13:08No, come on.
13:09Joe, Chrissie.
13:11Now, seriously, for a moment.
13:12I'd just like to say it's been...
13:15Well, you've been. You've been really, really good mates.
13:17And, er...
13:19Well, quite frankly, living here with you two,
13:21it's been like sharing with a couple of blokes.
13:23Oh, charming.
13:25Well, I mean, to all intents and purposes, it has, isn't it?
13:27Ooh.
13:28No, I'm sorry.
13:29No, I didn't mean that.
13:31Now, look, what I'm trying to say is that...
13:34Well, the two of you, you've been really...
13:36really good friends.
13:38And, er...
13:39Well...
13:41I'm going to miss you two both.
13:44Quite a lot.
13:45And, er...
13:46Well, if we sort of don't see each other again...
13:50Well, I shan't forget you two, because...
13:52It's...
13:53It's a bit special for me to...
13:56have known you both, and, er...
13:58Are you all right?
14:01Yeah, I've just got something in my eye.
14:02Excuse me.
14:05I didn't mean to upset her.
14:07I was just trying...
14:08Oh, come on.
14:09Not you as well, Joe.
14:11I'm all right.
14:12Oh, good.
14:18Right, then.
14:19Well, um...
14:20I'll say my...
14:21goodbyes to the Ropers.
14:23Okay?
14:23I said I would.
14:26Er...
14:27I shan't now.
14:34He's got it made, he has.
14:35I just couldn't step into my father's business.
14:38No, well, there's not a lot of money to be made out of forging clothing coupons these days, is there?
14:43He did a lot of other things as well.
14:45Yeah.
14:46He got Nick for all of them.
14:47Yeah, well, that's as may be, darling.
14:50Well, there's only one chocolate biscuit.
14:52Where's yours?
14:53Oh.
14:55Honestly, George, you are the most selfish pig I've ever met in the whole of my life.
15:00Er...
15:00Oh.
15:02Hello, Mr. Tripp.
15:03Hello, I thought I'd just sort of pop down and say cheerio.
15:05Oh.
15:06Come in for a minute.
15:08Okay, why not?
15:09Yes.
15:10Here we are.
15:12Eh.
15:13Have a last cuppa, eh?
15:15Okay.
15:16Good.
15:16Sit down.
15:23George?
15:24Eh?
15:25Chat, George.
15:26Chat.
15:26You know, be pleasant.
15:27Oh, yeah.
15:30So you're going back to sponge off your dad, then?
15:32Well, I couldn't quite put it like that.
15:37Actually, according to my mother's letter, you know, my dad's really happy about it, and
15:39so is she.
15:40Yeah.
15:40She's convinced I haven't changed my socks since I left home.
15:46It's only joking.
15:47I have changed my socks.
15:48Yes, well, it's quite an opportunity for you, isn't it?
15:50Very nice, I'm sure.
15:52Of course, I could have had a very profitable window cleaning round, you know.
15:55Hmm?
15:55Has she been willing to climb ladders?
15:59Oh, nice.
15:59I must say it, Mr. Tripp, it's been a pleasure having a man about the house.
16:05I think you mean another man, my love.
16:09A real...
16:10Hasn't it, George?
16:13Eh?
16:13Oh, I suppose so.
16:15Yeah, well, I'm sorry I called you along here, layabout.
16:20I didn't know you had.
16:21But only in fun.
16:25Well, I'm sorry I called you a mingy little ferret.
16:28Yeah.
16:31You know, only in fun.
16:34Um, a biscuit, Mr. Tripp.
16:35Hmm?
16:36Oh, thank you.
16:40Ooh, chocolate.
16:45Well, it's a pity about Robin leaving.
16:47We had some good times.
16:49Did you?
16:50You never tell me.
16:51Not that.
16:53Honestly, for a girl who doesn't fling it about, you don't half-half on it.
16:55I'm no more obsessed about fellas than you are.
16:59Exactly.
17:00You should be ashamed of yourself.
17:03Oh, yes?
17:04Oh, I'm looking for Robin.
17:06Robin Tripp.
17:07This is flat, too.
17:08Yes.
17:09Yes, come in.
17:11Um, he's downstairs at the moment.
17:14Was he expecting you?
17:15No.
17:15No, I'm Robin's father.
17:17Oh, yes, a photograph.
17:19Oh, hello.
17:20Um, I'm Chrissie.
17:21This is Joe.
17:22Uh, let me take your hat and coat.
17:24Do sit down.
17:27Chrissie and Joe, eh?
17:29Well, he rather gave his mother and me the impression it was Chris and Joe.
17:33Joe with an E.
17:34More like, er, men.
17:37Oh, well, we're not.
17:38I had spotted that, didn't I?
17:39He, he, wait till I tell his mother.
17:44No, on second thoughts, I don't know.
17:47Oh, it's all been very innocent.
17:49I'm sure it has, but you know what mothers are.
17:51Anyway, it does clear up one point that's been bothering me.
17:53Oh, what's that?
17:54Well, in one of his letters, he let slip that he'd spilt your perfume.
17:57I've been wondering what sort of fellow you were.
18:01Right, take a mark, goodbyes.
18:03Hello, Dad.
18:04Hello, son.
18:05I wasn't expecting, er...
18:08You've met, er...
18:09Oh, yeah.
18:10Chris and Joe.
18:12Oh, good.
18:14Well, if you'll excuse us,
18:15we both need a quick shave before we dash off to rugger practice.
18:21What are you doing down here, Dad?
18:23I mean, er, you know, I could have got on the train myself.
18:25I've been doing it for years.
18:27Look, lad, I think you and me had better have a man-to-man chat.
18:30What, another one?
18:31No, no, a different subject this time.
18:35Now, then, your mother would have told you
18:36how close it is to my heart
18:38that you should come back and work for me.
18:40Yep.
18:40Aye, well, it's a pack of lies.
18:44Well, I mean, according to Mum's letter,
18:47she said that you said that you...
18:48I probably did,
18:49but that was when I thought there was no chance of you doing it, see?
18:51What?
18:52Well, it kept her happy.
18:54Look, son, you're a fine lad,
18:56and I'm proud of you,
18:58but the fact is,
18:59you've got no brains.
19:03Not your fault you take after your mother.
19:06Sort of hoping I could sort of be an executive, you know.
19:10I mean, they don't need much brains, do they?
19:12Executive what?
19:13Well, I sort of hadn't got past the sort of flashy car,
19:15dolly bird sprawl rope.
19:17Well, I mean, I realised I'd have to start at the bottom,
19:18as it were, you know, for a couple of days.
19:22No, lad.
19:23When it comes to extruded tubing,
19:25you've got to start when you're 16.
19:28And you've got to love it.
19:30How can anyone
19:31love an extruded tube?
19:34There's only one job in the factory
19:35where you might not make a total cock-up.
19:37Stab canteen.
19:40You do cook a bit, don't you?
19:41Well, yes, you know,
19:42but I hadn't...
19:44Well, I suppose, er...
19:45Yeah.
19:46Well, would I be in total charge?
19:47Oh, aye.
19:48You'd be the only one there.
19:51Well, yes, why not?
19:52Well, I mean, I could do some exciting new dishes,
19:54some classical French cuisine, you know,
19:56with a little bit of imagination.
19:58I could...
19:58Oh, I could...
19:59I couldn't.
20:02Been bangers and mash Monday
20:03and Rissoles Wednesday
20:04for the past 30 years.
20:06Change that, you'll have a strike.
20:10I see.
20:11Yeah.
20:12You really don't want me to come back, do you?
20:15No, look, lad, I'm not daft.
20:17What you'd really like
20:18is another year studying this cooking nonsense, right?
20:21Well, yes, but, you know,
20:23the money you give me...
20:25Oh, that's not much.
20:26I know it's not.
20:27If I could have another 10 a month, you know,
20:28you'd save, if I wasn't at home,
20:30you'd save on the laundry bills,
20:31the food bills and...
20:32True, true.
20:33I could be wrong about them brains of yours.
20:36Excuse us, but you might like some tea.
20:38Oh, very nice.
20:38So that's what I suggest you do, son.
20:40Stop on for another year
20:41and this time pass the bloody exams, eh?
20:44Oh, that's marvellous, Dad, thanks.
20:46You sure Mum's not going to be too disappointed?
20:47Nay, lad, nay.
20:49I'll get her a goldfish.
20:51Hey, does that mean that you're going to stay?
20:57What?
20:58Yes, I believe I am.
20:59Hmm.
21:00And that's all I'm going to believe in, future.
21:02Ooh, me and my big mouse.
21:04Best thing, son, all round.
21:06You see, London,
21:07well, it's full of opportunities.
21:10By the way, which bus do I get to Soho?
21:12What?
21:13Well, I've hours before me train.
21:15I think it's super.
21:17Yes, I never fancied that Larry moving in.
21:19No, this isn't your best bet.
21:21Carol.
21:22Larry?
21:24That's one cracked light fitting.
21:26But I thought to charge you for that.
21:28You're supposed to leave the premises
21:30in the same state in which you found them.
21:31Oh, be reasonable.
21:33Where am I going to find 50 cockroaches this time of year?
21:35I have never understood your sense of humour, Mr. Simmons.
21:43Oh, yes.
21:44There was half a roll of toilet paper when you came here.
21:47Now, where's that?
21:51Where do you think it is?
21:53The replacement for...
21:56Oh, well, we'll let that go.
21:58One square of carpet, nine foot by ten foot six.
22:02Hmm.
22:02It seems to have worn a little.
22:05Yeah, well, I may accidentally have walked on it.
22:07But why don't you just count the doorknobs and I can go?
22:10I fully intend to.
22:12It's true if you wouldn't all.
22:14I'll tell you something, Gideon.
22:15I'm glad to get out of this place,
22:17but I'm ecstatic to get short of you.
22:19You and your petty little ways.
22:21You used to sneak down and straighten a mat
22:23outside my front door, didn't you?
22:25I'll tell you something.
22:26I used to move it skew-whiff again.
22:30So, I'm coming.
22:31And do you know why?
22:33Just to get you at it.
22:34Larry, there's something.
22:36Can I speak to you, please?
22:36Yeah, yeah, yeah.
22:36I never told you what I thought of you before,
22:39because I needed the flat.
22:40But I'll tell you now.
22:41No, no, Larry, Larry.
22:42You're a greedy, grasping, nasty, fussy,
22:46niggling little old woman.
22:48I shall finish my inventory when you've gone.
22:51Do you mind?
22:53God, I enjoyed that.
22:55I've been dying to do that for years.
22:57Yeah.
22:57Er, Larry.
22:58Hmm?
22:59Er, sit down a sec.
23:00Yeah.
23:02Er, well, there's something I've got to tell you.
23:04Yeah?
23:06You're going to laugh when you hear this.
23:08Yeah.
23:08Wakey, wakey, rise and shine.
23:19Tea and toast.
23:21I burnt it myself.
23:23Now, we're not going to make a habit of this.
23:25It's just a little celebration, because you're staying.
23:27Oh, isn't that nice of you?
23:30Isn't that nice of them?
23:32Right.
23:33Do what?
23:37But how much longer are we going to have to put up with this?
23:39The chilli fires me a new flip.
23:41How about a cup of tea for me, then, eh?
23:42The chilli fires me a new flip.
24:12spoon?
24:23How about a cup of tea for you?
24:24That's good.
24:25That's good.
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