- 2 days ago
First broadcast January 23rd 1974.
Chrissy's new boyfriend wants to take her to Bournemouth for the weekend, but Robin discovers something about him that he thinks might make Chrissy want to reconsider.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Paula Wilcox - Chrissy
Sally Thomsett - Jo
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Norman Eshley - Ian Cross
Michael Segal - Jim
Audrey Nicholson - Mrs. Cross
Chet Townsend - Waiter
Chrissy's new boyfriend wants to take her to Bournemouth for the weekend, but Robin discovers something about him that he thinks might make Chrissy want to reconsider.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Paula Wilcox - Chrissy
Sally Thomsett - Jo
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Norman Eshley - Ian Cross
Michael Segal - Jim
Audrey Nicholson - Mrs. Cross
Chet Townsend - Waiter
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Man About the House, Episode 3, Part 1, VTR number 8596.
00:30The House, Episode 3, Part 1, VTR number 8596.
01:00The House, Episode 3, Part 1, VTR number 8596.
01:30The House, Episode 3, Part 1, VTR number 8596.
01:59Right, that's ten for the Z and eight for the X.
02:06Hey, wait a minute. What's a zig-zag?
02:09A zig-zag? It's an Abyssinian nose flute and it makes a familiar sound to a female rhinoceros in the mood for a bit of the other.
02:17But you mustn't blow it unless you mean it.
02:19I don't believe you.
02:20Oh, yes, yes, yes. I recall the awful case of Mbuku, a native little guide who has walked with a pronounced limp ever since.
02:27Lies.
02:27It's true.
02:28No, I thought you two were going out.
02:29We are. Chrissie, what's a zig-zag?
02:31It's an Abyssinian nose flute.
02:33Is it really?
02:36I don't know. That's what you just said.
02:38Look, Ian will be here in five minutes. We don't want games all over the settee.
02:42Well, what's he coming round for, then?
02:44Dinner. And if you're still here, I'll introduce you as my ex-sister.
02:47Well, be careful, be careful. He might fancy meeting him more than you.
02:51What's he like?
02:53Oh, Ian? Oh, he's ancient. He must be at least 30. He remembers Bill Haney.
02:58Really? Oh, well, some of these 30 girls could be quite sprightly, you know.
03:02Actually, I think she's quite serious about him because it's been going on for a few weeks.
03:07She's after his pension.
03:14Hey, Chrissie, do you want me to hang about, you know, help him up the stairs with his bath chair?
03:18At least Ian's got some sophistication. I don't suppose you know what that means.
03:21Yes, I do. It means you cock your little finger when you scratch yourself.
03:24I just got fed up of spotty youths. A quick half a biter and I know where there's an abandoned car.
03:29Oh, come on.
03:30Look, Ian's got style and he also happens to have a drophead Maserati.
03:34A very loyal breed, but does it fetch sticks?
03:37Oh, look, will you stop that? I can't stand silent criticism.
03:41That grave is a bit thick.
03:43No, it is not. Look, one more word and I'll hit you with a lump of it.
03:46No, my lips are sealed and so will his be when he eats that stuff.
03:52But you won't be looking at the gravy with me in this dress.
03:54Oh, that's another thing. Chrissie, seriously, I mean, what are you going to do if he tries it on?
03:59Wouldn't fit him.
03:59Now, what I mean is you don't know anything about him. I mean, where did you meet him?
04:06Tesco.
04:07Where?
04:08Tesco's!
04:10What the romance of it? The soft strains of the bacon slicer, the gentle babbling of the till roll.
04:15Look, I dropped a pair of panties and he picked them up.
04:17Oh, yes.
04:19Paper panties in a packet.
04:21Look, go and let him in while I get straightened up.
04:23Hello, come in.
04:28You must be Joe.
04:29Yes.
04:30Well, Chrissie didn't tell me you were beautiful.
04:32Oh, I like him. He tells the truth.
04:34Evening.
04:35Hello.
04:36Robin, Tripp.
04:38Here.
04:39Cross.
04:41Sit yourself down.
04:42Yeah, you know, you must be tired after climbing those flights of stairs.
04:48Um, didn't Chrissie tell me that you were in the technical college studying dressmaking?
04:57Cooking.
04:58Well, I knew it was something like that.
05:00Yeah.
05:01Do you remember Guy Mitchell as well?
05:03What?
05:04Hello.
05:05Ian, this is Robin.
05:06Ian, this is Joe.
05:07Robin, Joe, this is goodbye.
05:09Yeah, we're just going. Come on, Robin.
05:10OK, listen, uh, you know, if you want anything, we'll be just outside the keyhole.
05:13Push up.
05:18Ah.
05:19What was up with him?
05:20I think he was just jealous.
05:22Well, let's give him something to be jealous about, eh?
05:24Mm-hmm.
05:24Oh, sorry.
05:26Sorry.
05:27Sorry.
05:27Sorry, cigarette.
05:28Sorry.
05:33Sorry.
05:34See you soon.
05:35See you later.
05:36After midnight.
05:37Right.
05:38Where were we?
05:39Hmm?
05:40Look, if we keep this up, my broccoli will go all soft.
05:53Oh, well, we could go to the Asaldo.
05:55Diary of a Lustbox.
05:57Continuous performance.
05:58Yes.
05:58No, I don't think they'd let me in.
05:59I haven't got my dirty Mac with me.
06:02Well, um, what about the Rialto?
06:04What's on there?
06:05All-star cast of Irish Labourers.
06:06Pulling it down.
06:07Well, what are we going to do?
06:10Finish up half.
06:10I know an abandoned car.
06:12You never think of anything else.
06:14Listen, I'm not the only one.
06:15You don't think Watson names come round just for meat and two veg, do you?
06:18What do you mean?
06:19Listen, I wouldn't be at all surprised that by the time we get back there, there'll be a couple of notches on the standard lamp.
06:24Well, what's the matter with you?
06:25You're not usually jealous of her boyfriend.
06:27Well, I just don't like his type.
06:28Good looking.
06:30Well off.
06:31Successful.
06:32It's tyranny, Mildred.
06:33Narcissed girl is over again.
06:35The rule of the jackboot.
06:37Gestapo tactics.
06:38George, they're only putting a parking meter outside the house.
06:42Forty quid a year, just to park outside my own front door.
06:44Well, you could all sell the car.
06:46That'll cover the first year.
06:47Hmm.
06:48Well, why do we pay our rates?
06:49Tell me that.
06:49Because they keep sending us court orders, George.
06:52I love the usual piece, though.
06:53Yeah, I know why the council are picking on me.
06:56It's because I didn't tip the dustman at Christmas.
06:59Sell it.
07:00Don't be silly.
07:00You'll be mugging after.
07:02Evening, Jim.
07:03Do you want to buy a car?
07:04That raccock trap of yours needs to re-spray of four new tyres before they tow it away.
07:09You see, the thing is, Jo, there are two types of men.
07:12The ones you can trust.
07:13And you.
07:13And me.
07:14No, no, and him.
07:16I mean, they're most probably on the coffee now.
07:17You know what happened after the coffee.
07:19Evening, son.
07:19Hello.
07:20Hello.
07:20Hello.
07:21Here.
07:22Do you want to buy a car?
07:23Car?
07:23What, that cream and red Morris of yours?
07:25No, no.
07:26It's all cream.
07:27You can touch up the rust.
07:30It goes along very smoothly, that little car, you know.
07:32I know.
07:32I've obviously seen Mrs. Roper pushing it.
07:35It doesn't use a lot of petrol.
07:37No, mainly because it keeps breaking down.
07:39You haven't paid for the drinks, George?
07:41Oh, yeah, all right.
07:43Yeah, well, you think it over, son.
07:44OK.
07:45Don't you buy it, love.
07:47Every time you run over a cigarette end, the abcaps fall off.
07:50Actually, I rather like that drop-head Maserati, Ian's.
07:54Oh, Mr. Cross.
07:55Yes, I saw him getting out of it.
07:57Oh, you know him?
07:58Oh, well, just to chat to in Tesco, as you know.
08:00I know his wife better.
08:02His wife?
08:03Mm.
08:03Could I borrow a quid from next week's allowance, my love?
08:09Excuse me.
08:13Does Chrissie know he's married?
08:15No.
08:17Mm.
08:18A nice full body.
08:21The wine?
08:21Of course.
08:23Did you tread it yourself?
08:25I meant to, but it would have stained my wellies.
08:27Do you think it's too early to uncork my bottle?
08:32Hmm.
08:33Shall we do it somewhere more comfortable?
08:34The bedroom?
08:35The lounge.
08:36Ah.
08:37I know where there's an abandoned settee.
08:38Ooh.
08:43It's crossed my mind.
08:44I don't know very much about you, Ian.
08:46There's nothing to know.
08:48Since I left the circus and won the VC,
08:50it's just been the dull daily round of advising Dr Kissinger.
08:52What about you?
08:53Oh, the usual.
08:55Stolen from my pram in the palace by gypsies,
08:57raised by a she-wolf in Kneesden.
08:59Oh, there's a lot of it about.
09:01I just think we ought to get to know each other better.
09:04I know an incredibly quick way of doing that.
09:06I mean, what are your hopes, your ambitions?
09:09Well, there's, um...
09:10Your other hopes, your other ambitions.
09:12Ah.
09:13I mean, I wouldn't be the first, would I?
09:16Well, you might be.
09:17I mean, were you in Skageness in 1932?
09:21Ah, hello.
09:22Hello.
09:22Listen, don't mind us, you know, carry on.
09:25We're saying we're not here.
09:26Have you got the scribble board?
09:27Great, great.
09:28But it's only half past nine.
09:30Yes, I know, but she's got a great word for me she can use.
09:32Yeah, I can think of a few.
09:33Well, you weren't supposed to be back till after midnight.
09:35No.
09:36Right, what's your word?
09:37Yes.
09:38Yes?
09:39Why yes?
09:40No, what?
09:41What?
09:42Yes, what?
09:43W-H-A-T.
09:44Ah, yes.
09:46Oh, right, now it's my turn.
09:48Oh, dear.
09:49What can I do with that?
09:50Have you got two Fs?
09:51No.
09:51Then I'd run out of suggestions.
09:54But what are you trying to do?
09:56Well, you see, you have these letters and then you make up a word.
09:58Not that.
09:59Chrissie, Chrissie, Chrissie, I think I'd better be running along, eh?
10:03Well, it's been half of a lovely evening.
10:07There you are.
10:08Yes.
10:12Sorry.
10:13That's all right.
10:14I wanted to go to bed early anyway.
10:15I know.
10:17Yes.
10:18Well, tomorrow night, our restaurant, eight o'clock.
10:21Fine.
10:22Sorry the evening had to end like this.
10:24It hasn't ended yet.
10:25I've still got two people to strangle.
10:28Do it slowly.
10:33I don't want to hear your explanation and I'm not going to believe it, but it had better be good.
10:38He's married, Chris.
10:39You seriously expect me?
10:43It's what?
10:51Not yet.
10:52My guest hasn't arrived.
10:54Monsieur.
10:58Ian.
10:58It's very soon.
10:59Hello.
11:00Oh, dear.
11:01Sorry.
11:02Oh, what a shame.
11:04It's all right.
11:05These, um, these things do happen.
11:10Well, uh, how are you?
11:13Look, I'm sorry about last night.
11:15It's just that I'm not much of a scrabble buff, you know.
11:17Pity.
11:18Robin came up with a very interesting word just after you left.
11:21Oh?
11:22Madam.
11:24Do you have a very large custard pie with lots of cream on top?
11:28Uh, we'll order in a minute, please.
11:30In the meantime, can I have a dry sherry, please?
11:32Oh, uh, two.
11:33Two dry sherrys.
11:34Monsieur.
11:36Afterwards, maybe we could go back to your place.
11:39Oh, yes, we could.
11:40We could?
11:42Only it's been redecorated.
11:44I thought it might be.
11:47Oh, sorry.
11:49Dear me.
11:50It's...
11:51It's all right, um, I was wet anyway.
11:55Uh, well, uh, at least there's nothing else that you can knock over me.
12:06Two dry sherrys.
12:08Oh, God.
12:10Uh, cheers.
12:13What time is it?
12:14Well, it's about...
12:15I'll have another dry sherry, please.
12:24Mercier.
12:27Uh, look, look, look, Chrissie, um, I've got rather a difficult question to ask you.
12:32Um, do you know Bournemouth?
12:34Yes.
12:34It wasn't difficult.
12:35Oh, well, that wasn't it, you see.
12:37Um, I've got to go down there on a business conference and, um, well, you see, now, I know
12:41this may sound like a subtle way of propositioning you, but it's...
12:43No, it's not very subtle so far.
12:45Ah.
12:45Well, um, you see, my secretary's gone down with flu and I do need somebody down there
12:50to, you know, take notes and shorthand and...
12:53Oh, I don't do shorthand.
12:54Well, they'll all speak very slowly.
12:56Um, now, I know what this sounds like, but it will be purely business.
13:01Oh, what a shame.
13:02Um, we will have separate rooms, of course.
13:03Oh, I'd be frightened to sleep on my own.
13:05You see, I wouldn't dream of...
13:07Pardon?
13:12See, I've got this night dress.
13:15Yeah.
13:15I've never dared wear it before and I thought there might be a chance for you to, er, give
13:20me your opinion, whether it's decent.
13:23Well, I, I, I, I mean, I, I, I, it's, er, I, I, I, thank you.
13:29Hey, couldn't we have rooms next to each other with a connecting door?
13:35Ah, well, I, I didn't want to tell you this before we got down there, but you see, um,
13:40as a matter of fact, and, I mean, coincidentally, it...
13:42Marvellous.
13:43Huh?
13:44Huh?
13:44There's just one little thing that might spoil it for us.
13:47What's that, darling?
13:48You're married.
13:53I think married men ought to be made to wear a ring.
13:56Ah, well, it wouldn't make any difference.
13:57They could always take it off.
13:58Not if it was through their nose.
14:02Hello, Chrissie, you're back, darling.
14:04Hey, what did he do when you told him you knew he was married?
14:07He went home to change his trousers.
14:08Oh.
14:11It affected him that badly, did it?
14:14But first, he told me something I didn't know.
14:16Yeah, what?
14:16He's divorced.
14:19Huh?
14:19Ha!
14:46Don't you mind about him being married before?
14:55Why should I?
14:55I've got a second-hand record player, but it still makes beautiful music.
14:58Yeah, it takes ages to warm up, though.
15:00Well, he doesn't.
15:03Ah, still with us.
15:04Thought you might have cut your throat by now.
15:06No, I tried, but it's a very slow process with an electric razor.
15:10Listen, Chrissie, I know you're mad at me.
15:12Right.
15:12So it was you that lacquered my face, Franl.
15:14Right.
15:15All right.
15:16Now, look, I have apologised, I'm sorry, and I swear across my heart I will not knock Ian again.
15:22Good, because I'm going to Bournemouth with him for the weekend.
15:24I lied.
15:24I'm going to knock him again.
15:25Oh, it's only a business trip.
15:27He needs a secretary.
15:28Oh, come on.
15:31He's after a dirty weekend.
15:32He has promised not to lay a finger on me.
15:34A finger?
15:35What about the other nine?
15:37It's got nothing to do with you.
15:38Well, maybe not.
15:39But I'll tell you something, Chrissie.
15:41If you are going to do it, I think you should do it with your eyes open.
15:45Which manual is that in?
15:46Now, listen, I grant you, an elder man, he can be very attractive.
15:51Oh.
15:52I mean, this business nonsense.
15:54I mean, you can't believe he really means it.
15:56He does mean business.
15:57Well, exactly.
15:59Look, it's going to be nothing but work.
16:00And even if it isn't, that's my affair.
16:02And it isn't going to be an affair.
16:04And even if it...
16:04Oh.
16:06Go.
16:06Go.
16:09That'll teach you to interfere.
16:10It's a quarter to three.
16:16There's no one in a place except you and me.
16:20Pardon.
16:21Set them up, Joe.
16:22Jim.
16:24Have one yourself.
16:25Ah.
16:27Do you know, it's a funny thing.
16:28You think you know somebody.
16:31But the fact of the matter is you don't really know them at all.
16:33Oh, who is it you don't know?
16:34I mean, do I know them?
16:36It's because I can introduce them to you.
16:37It's a waste of time, George.
16:39I mean, it's a complete waste of time.
16:41Back in horses.
16:42And you never win.
16:43I mean, I don't know why you bother.
16:45Hello, love.
16:45I really don't know why you bother at all, George.
16:47I couldn't resist that horse in a 330.
16:49Nagging biddy.
16:50It was an omen.
16:52330, no chance.
16:53I'll tell you what's going to win that.
16:54Once a year.
16:55Ha.
16:55If you're looking for omens, George.
16:58All right.
16:58All right.
16:59All right.
17:00I'll have the usual.
17:02Afternoon, son.
17:03Well.
17:03You've made up your mind about the car yet?
17:05The car?
17:05Ah, but I don't want to push you.
17:07But there are several people interested in it.
17:08Yeah, including the police.
17:11That's right.
17:11He hasn't been taxed for two years.
17:13Yeah, he's quiet.
17:13One day they're going to spot that's a Guinness label.
17:17I'll tell you what.
17:18Have a spin round the block in it.
17:20You might get a bit of a rattle from the choke knob.
17:22Why?
17:22It's in the glove compartment along with the windscreen marker.
17:25Oh, George, stop pestering him.
17:28Girl's not with you today.
17:29No, actually, Chris is not on me at the moment.
17:33In fact, you put me right in it last night with that Ian Cross business.
17:36I did?
17:36Yeah.
17:37He was married.
17:39He's now divorced.
17:43Divorced?
17:47Look, what if it's not all business?
17:49What if he expects a bit of, um, you know, overtime?
17:52I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
17:54Why does everybody always think the worst?
17:55It's more fun that way.
17:56Oh, Lucy, listen now.
18:01About Ian.
18:02Look, one more word now.
18:03Stick this umbrella up your trouser leg and open it.
18:09Now, listen, I was just wondering what time he's picking you up.
18:12Five o'clock.
18:13Great.
18:13Then you've got time to come for a trial run in Roper's car.
18:16What?
18:16Just tell me what you think of it.
18:17But I don't know anything about cars.
18:18Great, that's what I want.
18:19A totally uninformed opinion.
18:20But I...
18:21Listen, if nobody sits in the passenger seat, the car tilts sideways.
18:24Now, come on.
18:26You can't want to buy this rattle trap.
18:44Well, no, no, not really.
18:46It's just that, um, you know, I just wanted to drive out here.
18:48I heard there was this house or so.
18:50This is the one.
18:51Shall we, uh, shall we go and have a look?
18:55Hey, is this some sort of proposal?
18:57Hey, you must be kidding.
18:58Come on.
19:03You're not thinking of buying this place, are you?
19:05No, no, no.
19:06Come on.
19:11Have you gone round the bend?
19:13No.
19:13Ah, uh, Mrs. Cross?
19:16Yes?
19:16Uh, we've come about the house.
19:18I'm afraid we haven't got an appointment or anything.
19:20Oh, that's all right.
19:21Do come in.
19:22Thanks very much.
19:30Did the estate agent send you?
19:31No, actually, uh, Mrs. Roper told us about it.
19:34Oh, Mildred.
19:35Yes, I saw her last week.
19:36Please go through.
19:39Mrs. Cross?
19:41Mrs. Ian Cross.
19:43That's his wife.
19:50Sorry about the mess.
19:51I was just packing for my husband.
19:53He's off to Bournemouth to do a bit of business.
19:57Bournemouth?
19:57Oh, that's nice.
19:59I mean, I haven't been there myself.
20:00Well, not since I was born.
20:01Oh, well, I mean, my mother went there when she was carrying me.
20:04But I haven't sort of been there myself.
20:06I mean, you know, well, not to see it.
20:09Yes.
20:10It's quite a large place.
20:12My husband redecorated it all himself.
20:15Bournemouth?
20:16No, the house.
20:20You didn't get divorced then?
20:21Oh, I know what you mean.
20:23They're terrible to live with when they're doing ceilings.
20:26Anyway, this is the lounge.
20:28Actually, I think we've seen all we need to.
20:30Thanks.
20:30It's not that bad, is it?
20:31No, it's lovely.
20:33And you're lovely too.
20:35Well, I won't be staying.
20:37You haven't seen upstairs.
20:39There's the main bedroom plus the children's bedroom.
20:42You've got children?
20:44Oh, just the two.
20:46Two children?
20:48Well, two and a bit, actually.
20:50That's why we're moving.
20:51We need a slightly bigger place.
20:54Are you feeling all right, dear?
20:56I'm fine.
20:57Would you like a cup of tea?
20:58I've just made a pot.
21:00Please.
21:05I'm sorry, Chrissie.
21:06But, I mean, would you have believed me
21:07if I hadn't brought you round here?
21:09No.
21:09Right, it would have been a quick brolly up the Y-fronts.
21:14That was nearly the other woman.
21:22Hello, darling.
21:23Is my case ready?
21:25Not quite.
21:25There's a young couple here to look at the house.
21:27Really?
21:28Oh, that's absolutely...
21:30Splend...
21:32Splendid.
21:33Here we are.
21:35Oh, this is my husband, Ian.
21:37And this is, uh...
21:39Robin.
21:42Robin.
21:43Chrissie.
21:45Chrissie.
21:47Hello there.
21:49Yes, your wife has just been telling us
21:51that you're off to Bournemouth for the weekend.
21:53Ah.
21:54Um...
21:56I usually go with him to take notes,
21:58but this time he's got a temporary.
22:00A temporary what?
22:03Ha!
22:05Ha!
22:06You know, there's something about your face
22:08that's familiar.
22:10Ah, it's probably the nose.
22:12You see, a lot of people have noses.
22:14Yeah.
22:16Like this one.
22:17I've often thought of having it altered.
22:19I might be able to help you there.
22:22Ah.
22:24We had it double glazed last year.
22:27The house, I mean, not his.
22:30Do you know each other?
22:32Um...
22:32Well, um...
22:34No.
22:35No.
22:35No.
22:36No.
22:36No, I thought we did, but we don't.
22:40Come on.
22:41Oh, no, I'll see you out.
22:42I'm sorry.
22:43Oh, that's all right.
22:45I'm sure somebody else will be along soon.
22:47Yeah, so am I.
22:48That's why I'm sorry.
22:49Ah, I'll show you out.
22:51Yeah, please.
22:52Yes.
22:52Right.
22:52Uh, look, look, look, Chrissie.
22:57What can I say?
22:58I...
22:58I mean, I really do appreciate you're not saying anything about, you know, about us.
23:03Don't mention it.
23:04It's not her fault she's married to a rat.
23:07Ah.
23:07Uh, quite.
23:09One more thing.
23:10Yes?
23:10Yes?
23:22Would you like a cup of tea, dear?
23:29Uh, I've already had one.
23:34That's it.
23:34That is it.
23:35I'm right off men.
23:37No more men.
23:38I'm finished with a lot of them.
23:39Great.
23:40The future, just think of me as one of the girls.
23:44Oh, well, at least there's one good thing.
23:46If I had married him, I'd have had to go through life as Chrissie Cross.
23:48Right.
23:49Oh, men are only interested in one thing.
23:52Yeah, the same as us.
23:54Not me.
23:55Not anymore.
23:56Oh, come on, Chrissie.
23:57You mean to say if Steve McQueen knocked on that door now, you'd turn him away?
24:01Yes, I would.
24:02Actually, he's in town at the moment.
24:11Oh, he means...
24:12I've finished with men.
24:15Oh, yeah?
24:16Yeah, I've, uh, I've just popped up to see how you got on with the car.
24:19The car?
24:20Yeah, I brought you the lock book.
24:21Only two owners.
24:22Me and the Easy Ride School of Motoring.
24:25I'm actually sorry, we're not really interested now that we're putting litres outside the house.
24:28Oh, you found out about that, did you?
24:30Oh, don't forget to mention the handbrake.
24:32Oh, yeah.
24:32What's the matter with it?
24:33Well, uh, it's a bit scratched, there.
24:36The plate chipped off there.
24:38Yeah, and there's a bit of a dent in the handbrake.
24:40asta.
24:40Oh, yeah.
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