- 1 day ago
First broadcast 5th September 1973.
Whilst Jo visits her family, Chrissy and Robin are left alone in the flat together.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Paula Wilcox - Chrissy
Sally Thomsett - Jo
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Doug Fisher - Larry
Jenny Hanley - Liz
Janine Duvitski - Sheila (as Janine Drzewicki)
Whilst Jo visits her family, Chrissy and Robin are left alone in the flat together.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Paula Wilcox - Chrissy
Sally Thomsett - Jo
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Doug Fisher - Larry
Jenny Hanley - Liz
Janine Duvitski - Sheila (as Janine Drzewicki)
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00I
00:30Oh, my God.
01:00My mother was always on it, my sister, to have a baby and get married.
01:29In that order?
01:30Oh, no, but you know what mothers are like.
01:32Yeah, they love having grandchildren to make a hell out of their declining years.
01:36What are you knitting for?
01:37Pink booties.
01:39Oh, great. That'll get him confused about his sex from the word girl.
01:43No, it's my mother's and my sister's fault.
01:45I told her I bought pink wool months ago.
01:48No thought for others, some people.
01:49There's nothing like a long, leisurely bath.
01:56Oh, by the way, I borrowed your evening paper.
01:58Oh, thanks very much.
02:00Yeah, and listen, just to prove that I haven't used more than my share of the water, I've left a ring around the bath.
02:04Dirty, okay?
02:05Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, cleaving.
02:08Listen, that's his second bath this week. I think he's in love.
02:11I think he is, with me.
02:13What?
02:14Well, he fancies me.
02:16Oh, you mean lust.
02:17It isn't lust. It's...
02:20It's...
02:21Well, I suppose it is lust, really.
02:23Has he made a pass at you yet?
02:25Well, no, but it's the way he hasn't. Sort of deliberate, you know.
02:29But, um, Enoch Powell hasn't made a pass at you, so what does that mean?
02:33Oh, a girl can tell.
02:35A fella doesn't have to do anything or say anything.
02:37There's something in the air.
02:39It's fly's face.
02:40You've got no imagination.
02:42You've got too much.
02:43Well, Chrissie, that's most probably for me. Could you answer it? I haven't got any trousers on.
02:48You're not tempting me.
02:51Oh, er, I thought Robin lived here. Robin Tripp.
02:54Oh, he does, but he hasn't got any trousers on. Come in.
02:58Thanks.
03:00I'm, er, I'm not interrupting anything, am I?
03:03What do you mean?
03:04Oh, nothing. Nothing.
03:08We're going to see Fulham.
03:09What, all of it?
03:12How'd a match?
03:14They're a football team.
03:16At least some people think they are.
03:18Oh, now, come on.
03:18I've got to start supporting another team sooner or later, and they need it more than most.
03:21Listen, er, this is Chrissie Lowry.
03:23Hello.
03:23Got time for a cup of tea?
03:24Oh, yeah, we've got bags of time.
03:26Well, Fulham won't touch the ball for the first 20 minutes, will they?
03:29Ah, come on, listen.
03:30Here.
03:31Who's she, then?
03:32Huh?
03:33Oh, er, she's a girl.
03:34She has the flat.
03:35She does?
03:36Yeah.
03:36Sharing a flat with a bird?
03:38Yeah.
03:38Suggestive biscuits, eh?
03:39Eh?
03:40Er, do you take sugar?
03:46Er, yeah.
03:47Yeah, Tom.
03:50Who's she, then?
03:51Huh?
03:51She's the other girl that shows the flat.
03:52It's true, you've landed on your feet, haven't you?
03:55Eh?
03:55Two birds in a flat, you can't be short of it.
03:58Well, you know how it is.
04:00No, I don't.
04:01Tell me.
04:03Well, they do, they do pester me a little bit, but, you see, I've, er, I've got this rota
04:07system worked out, you see.
04:08Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for the blonde bit, right?
04:10Yeah.
04:11Tuesdays, Thursdays and Friday.
04:12Yeah, go on.
04:15And the dark bit gets her she any other nights, eh?
04:18Here, I've both of them together on Sundays, eh?
04:20No, Larry, Larry, purely platonic, Larry.
04:22Well, it's not what you just said.
04:23No wonder you've got rings under your...
04:25Yes, er, tea, yeah.
04:28Oh, tough.
04:29I put plenty of sugar in yours, you need the energy.
04:32Yes.
04:33Er, you know, I don't want you to get the wrong, er, you know, I mean, we, we were, er, we
04:39were rehearsing a play.
04:41Rehearsing a play?
04:43Yeah.
04:44Yeah, well, er, we can't hang about.
04:48It's a seven-click cock-off.
04:51Take us, er, take us a good half hour to get in.
04:54Don't kick off, I mean, clock kick off, I mean.
04:59Tell you what, er, you know, take your tea with you, hmm?
05:01Yeah.
05:03Bye.
05:04Bye-bye.
05:05Oh, they're gone?
05:08Yeah, they couldn't get away fast enough.
05:09I was right.
05:11What?
05:11He has these wild, erotic fantasies about us.
05:14Oh, me as well, now.
05:15It just shows you what goes on in some people's minds.
05:18His or yours?
05:19I suppose it's understandable, really.
05:22I mean, look at it this way.
05:23He's a bee, and there's only a very thin war between him and a bedroom full of pollen.
05:28Does as well there are two of us.
05:29There'll only be one next weekend.
05:31Because in a way we're a sort of mutual protection society, you know, you at, pardon?
05:35Going to my sister's for the baby's christening, I told you.
05:38Yeah, but you won't be away overnight.
05:39Yeah, I go on Saturday and I come back on Sunday.
05:42There's a night in between them.
05:44I say you were ogling him.
05:46I know an ogle when I see one.
05:48I was smiling at him pleasantly, George.
05:51So he'd give us a nice bit of romp for our Sunday's lunch.
05:53Ogling.
05:54It's all that raw meat hanging round this shop.
05:56It gets you going, doesn't it?
05:59George, Mr Wilkins is fat, 50, and he's got five kids.
06:03I am not completely desperate.
06:05That's what you say.
06:06All right, then I am completely desperate.
06:09But he's not my type.
06:11Oh.
06:12He's got trousers on, hasn't he?
06:14Listen, George, I'm warning you.
06:16If you go any further, I'm going to take that poker and I'm going to...
06:20Oh!
06:21Hello, dear.
06:22Hello.
06:23Oh, you've come to your suitcase, haven't you?
06:24Yes, please.
06:25I really should buy my own, you know.
06:26Oh, don't you bother about it.
06:28You keep it as long as you need it.
06:29Oh, thank you very much.
06:30Pleasure.
06:30Have a nice trip.
06:32Bye-bye.
06:33And wrap it round your scrawny neck.
06:38So what's your sister going to call the baby?
06:40Well, she's going to call him Cyril after my Uncle Charles.
06:45Say that again.
06:47Well, there was this fellow, Cyril, who was after my Uncle Charles,
06:50and she liked the name.
06:52They're funny, aren't you, family?
06:53Yeah, look, do you like the christening spoon I bought?
06:56Oh, yeah, nice.
06:58I wonder why they don't do the full set, you know, christening knife and fork.
07:01Yeah, look, you wouldn't give it a polish for me, would you?
07:03Because I'm going to miss the train.
07:04Yeah, don't panic.
07:05What do you think of this?
07:14Oh, thanks.
07:17It's not for stirring your tea with.
07:20It's a christening spoon, you great...
07:23What's that you're reading?
07:25Hmm?
07:26Uh, Quorum, the Journal of Personal Relationships.
07:29Uh, I found it.
07:31Uh, on a bookstore.
07:34A dirty book?
07:35It's not a dirty book, Chrissie.
07:37It's a serious look at modern-day problems of man, woman.
07:42And one reader's had a crack at being both.
07:44Yeah, a dirty book.
07:46No, it's not.
07:46Look, it's full of scientific facts and figures.
07:49I mean, they're quite incredible, some of them.
07:52Um, listen.
07:55What happened to that tape measure we had?
07:58Oh, it's in the sideboard.
08:00Why do you want to?
08:04Well, I just want to measure my head, you know.
08:08I think there's, uh...
08:09They say that you can, you know, you can judge one's virility
08:12by the size of one's skull.
08:16It's quite ridiculous, really, isn't it?
08:19In the, uh, sideboard.
08:24Have you got the christened present?
08:26There.
08:27Look, he's obsessed by sex.
08:28Have you seen what he's been reading?
08:29Oh, stop worrying.
08:31Yeah, but I'm going to be here all night, alone, with him,
08:33and he's out there measuring his virility.
08:4222 inches.
08:43No, that can't work.
08:4422 inches.
08:50Sorry, 22 inches.
08:54It's a ridiculous theory anyway.
08:56If anything, I'm oversized.
08:57Look, I must go.
08:58Now I'm coming with you.
08:59For goodness...
09:00Look, put her mind at rest, will you?
09:02She thinks you're all set to ravish her as soon as I've gone.
09:05I didn't say that.
09:06You did.
09:06I didn't.
09:08You didn't, did you, Chris?
09:09No.
09:09You did.
09:10I didn't.
09:11Oh, come on, now.
09:12Since I've been here, right, have I ever tried it on?
09:16Well...
09:16And am I likely to now just because there's going to be the two of us for one night?
09:19Well...
09:20I'm going.
09:20Bye.
09:21Bye.
09:21Bye.
09:25Chrissy?
09:2922 and seven-eighths.
09:38Shut up.
09:41Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof!
10:11wasn't miss greg expecting me was my sister not expecting me i don't rightly know that
10:30getting dark soon what stop it you've been deliberately trying to make me nervous ever
10:35since joe left it's not true um you have mended the lock on your bedroom door have you why no nothing
10:57chrissy listen uh you know don't you think it's time we um
11:05today we uh went to uh the pub for a drink
11:13not that a body mind the regatta itself only skiffing up and down on the river
11:23it's not decent you know not decent it's the bells of st mary's george
11:28i mean it's the cleanest film ever made not that upstairs she's gone went this morning
11:39they're alone together well two of them a girl and a fella it's not natural it is natural john
11:48i've been trying to tell you that for years we don't know what they're up to well he's not
11:54going to do much in front of bing crosby is he anyway they're over 21 this is church commission
12:01property mildred it's not beyond the bounds of possibility we could be struck by lightning
12:12right coming to the pub oh yes you'd like that wouldn't you pump me full of gin and tonic and pow
12:18no thanks please yourself oh and i don't think you should drink too much either so this is what
12:24marriage is like right well i'm going you'll be safe you know for a couple of hours yeah well i'll
12:28be in bed when you get back that's the spirit
12:40can i come in love yes glad of your company
12:45mr roper's been on at me to come up and find out whether you're not enjoying yourselves
12:49oh yes well you see he's gone on a diet so he doesn't see why anybody else should eat
12:53honestly men do get you down sometimes yeah you don't have to tell me they've only got one thing
13:04on their minds fret work in my experience
13:12here you go get that down here
13:14cheers cheers
13:22tell us how you do it then do what
13:25oh there's two birds in your flat i'm surprised you can still lift a pint
13:31well there's only one this weekend you know i'll be right oh poor little perisher
13:35i don't know what they see in you listen i'd rather not talk about it though i mean
13:40two attractive little ravers like that look i told you i don't want to talk about it all right suit
13:45yourself
13:47how about thursday then hey four four nil and then mr penalty yeah of course i think it's joe really you
13:52know the blonde one she faxes me most i thought you didn't want to talk about it no i don't i don't
13:57but you know let's face it some of us are sort of naturally attracted to women you know we don't
14:04ask for it and sometimes you know it is a it is a trial but i've just come to learn to live with
14:11the fact you know that i've only just got to snap my fingers and there's a girl hello robin
14:20hello liz oh good night what are you doing oh i came with sheila it's her local hello
14:27hello hello don't think much of yours
14:38all right um this is liz you know we work at the same technical college
14:41and this is sheila sheila larry sheila sheila larry right listen um what would you like to drink
14:54gin and tonic oh nothing it's all right it's all right gin and tonic then it's a quid gin and tonic
15:00and uh mine's a shandy
15:02well what about gary glitter then eh
15:12hey what about him well he's ever so you know glittery what does he do to you
15:25not a lot not a lot not a lot well what about judge dread
15:35and then there was this american yes big buck sergeant he was oh i've never been so well off
15:46for chewing gum in all my life and he went back to the states yes of course he asked me to follow
15:52him on you know but he never gave me his address then you met mr roper yes just wasn't my year
16:02oh my god is that the time oh you're not going are you oh you keep me talking here all night yes
16:08i mean well um robin's been drinking and he'll be back in a minute and would you like another cup of
16:12coffee oh thank you dear not really i'm just going to put my cold feet on mr roper one of life's little
16:19pleasures
16:32see told it wasn't far listen uh you know we'll just have a quick cup of coffee and then i'll show you my
16:40uh my uh my cookery books great oh good evening evening uh this is uh liz um a school friend if you
16:55say so dear good night good night don't make too much noise
17:03that's true he's got another one get in there george come on
17:10uh listen uh there's one thing i forgot to mention uh see i i share a flat with someone you
17:20see so i'll just pop in hey what's he like he oh oh he's a drag he's a he's real drag you know he's
17:29weedy boring glasses i quite like the intellectual touch no no you wouldn't like this one anyway he
17:35won't be home but i mean i'll just check just to make sure okay can you just stay there okay
17:53oh you're back oh uh i was hoping you'd be in bed what uh bed chrissy look i won't beat about the bush
18:00do me a favor go to your bedroom what for what well i suppose i should have given you a little
18:06bit of warning but well come on chrissy you know when these sort of opportunities come along you
18:13know you've got to make the most of them i mean i'm not a monk look you stay away from me what i mean
18:17i like you and all that but we're not going to bed no you're making a mistake no no you're not going to
18:21talk me into it i mean i mean it's not as if i don't appreciate your kind offer it's not an offer
18:27i mean i mean i'm flattered of course but you shouldn't be you see you shouldn't be because
18:30i'm not talking about you i thought we had it all straightened what i'm not talking about you see
18:36i've got got a girl outside what girls and i was hoping i could sort of bring her in and uh well you
18:42know what about me well another night perhaps what am i supposed to look in the bedroom okay what phone
18:51somebody phone some there's lots of lonely people right listen and i'll do the same if you want to
18:55bring a girl home suppose i don't want to phone anything knitting do some knitting i don't want to
19:00knit no knitting great no knitting liberty hall fantastic listen listen listen listen if i hadn't
19:06if i hadn't pulled this i'd have been only too happy to you know with you but listen you promise you won't
19:10come out
19:24come on in liz sorry about that uh me uh had to move the goldfish he's easily shot
19:49you think he might do something to shock you well you never know your luck listen uh do you need
19:53another sorry i mean would you like another drink what have you got um nothing i don't think i'd
19:58bother that's my girl oh are you are you smoking i am a bit oh no no no nothing special we haven't
20:15been burgled or anything i just thought i'd find out how the christening went oh you know the usual
20:20vicar wet one end baby wet the other hang on a second
20:23oh the noise how's it going your end oh lovely has robin tried it on yet i'll say he has he's trying
20:35it on at this very moment oh you're keeping your voice very steady oh not with me he's brought a girl
20:42home it's not his light he thinks it is so he doesn't fancy you after all i'm glad i reversed the
20:50charges so see i was reading this uh magazine called quorum you know it's a journal of personal
20:58relationships and this psychologist said it was best to give in to your inner emotions i don't know
21:05if you'd agree with that oh good good good oh yes he also said he also said that to uh share things with
21:23someone can be you know very meaningful i'd like to meet this black mate of yours what the one you
21:32share with no no no you wouldn't no very boring
21:34person
21:39ugly is the word i do you're honestly you know he's the uh ugly
21:49good evening
21:54uh liz chrissy hello hello i went to the clinic today pet
22:11did what went to the clinic they confirmed it it might even be twins
22:15come on chrissy she's kidding that's what she just said no no i don't mean that no i mean look
22:29you see this this this this isn't even her knitting you see this this belongs to the other girl i live
22:33with you see there are two of them yes i'm mondays wednesdays and fridays and she's tuesdays thursdays
22:41christy what are you doing sorry i'll go to bed i shan't bother you anymore
22:54oh and one more thing don't believe him about his vasectomy
22:58yes my last bus oh no no no no she was only joking of course i don't want to upset her in her
23:12condition oh really really honestly it's not true no perhaps some sunday your free day i'll see my sofa
23:20please it serves you right
23:30what'd you do that for oh i was just rehearsing a play just
23:37i mean you know i you know i had it made there don't you hmm i mean i had her all in the mood
23:43oh dear still i mustn't grumble
23:55no you're still here can't you take a joke come to me my lovely look you get away from me
24:03i'll scream come on chris it's saturday it's your turn
24:06oh
24:14oh
24:18oh
24:20oh
24:22oh
24:24oh
24:26oh
24:28oh
24:30oh
24:32oh
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