- 59 minutes ago
First broadcast 30th October 1974.
There's a mouse loose about the house.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Paula Wilcox - Chrissy
Sally Thomsett - Jo
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Doug Fisher - Larry
Annie Hayes - Rita
There's a mouse loose about the house.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Paula Wilcox - Chrissy
Sally Thomsett - Jo
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Doug Fisher - Larry
Annie Hayes - Rita
Category
📺
TVTranscript
02:00Wakey, wakey. Rise and shine. 7.30. Come on.
02:07All right. All right. I'm up.
02:10Come on. Prove it. Knock on the other side of this door.
02:13All right. I'm not up. Now push off.
02:16I warn you, I shall count to three and then I shall burst into song.
02:20I'm up.
02:21That's a nice night dress you've got on.
02:33What?
02:35I can see everything you've got.
02:38Very nice, too.
02:42How many fingers am I holding up?
02:45That's rude, Chrissie. There's no need to do rude gestures like that.
02:49You can't see a thing.
02:50True, true. But as a special treat, I shall bring the breakfast in.
02:54A special treat for whom?
02:55Me.
02:56Push off.
02:56Oh, God.
03:00You'd sleep through anything, you would.
03:02I'm wide awake.
03:04No, you're not. You've just practiced saying that in your sleep.
03:06What time is it?
03:097.30. Your alarm didn't go off.
03:11Never does. You have to shake it first.
03:19See?
03:22I said, one for the money, two for the show.
03:25I said, three to get ready and go, go, go.
03:27I said, bless my...
03:29Don't you step up...
03:30Why can't you be all sour and grumpy first thing in the morning, like the rest of the human race?
03:34Look at it this way, Chrissie.
03:36Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
03:39You've been reading matchboxes again, haven't you?
03:41Listen, there's never going to be another Thursday like this. It's unique.
03:45It's Friday.
03:46Well, that's pretty unique for a Thursday.
03:49And why do you keep bolting your bedroom door?
03:51Because I don't trust you.
03:53Oh, no, Chrissie.
03:54It's not me you don't trust. It's yourself.
03:58And I bung up the keyhole. I mean, it just isn't necessary.
04:01Ah, how did you know the keyhole was bunged up?
04:03Aha!
04:05What's that?
04:05Oh, it's Joe. She just put a bare foot on the liner or something.
04:09Oh, in the bedroom. It ran straight across my foot. Go and get rid of it.
04:13What? A bicycle? A steamroller?
04:16A mouse! A mouse!
04:18Oh, we don't have mice in this flat.
04:20Well, you go and tell it then.
04:22Look, relax, relax.
04:24I'll sort him out.
04:25You're going to cook it?
04:26If I should die, think only this of me.
04:32But in some corner, we'll have a foreign bedroom.
04:35Oh, get on with it.
04:36We shall fight them on the beaches.
04:39Calm down.
04:44It was probably more frightened than you were.
04:45Why? I'm not going to run up its leg.
04:48I'll pay you for mice.
04:49Don't leave me.
04:52You might come running out or something.
04:54Look, it's not after you. It's after the food.
04:57Food attracts pests.
04:58Can I borrow some sugar?
04:59See what I mean?
05:01Only enough to put in me coffee, which I'm also going to borrow off you.
05:05What about milk?
05:06Oh, yeah, I was coming to that.
05:07Hello, Joe.
05:08What's up with you then?
05:09Oh, I just had a fright.
05:11Oh, you should have seen me before I had a shave.
05:13Ah, it's no good. Couldn't find it.
05:15Hello, mate. What are you looking for?
05:16A mouse.
05:17Here, I've got one upstairs. You can have that if you like.
05:20Here.
05:21It's not brown, is it?
05:23It's not brown with the tip of its tail missing.
05:25I think so.
05:26I'd done that upstairs.
05:28I was chasing it with an egg whisk.
05:31I might have known you'd have something to do with it.
05:33You chased it down here.
05:34Oh, I'm sorry.
05:34Here, I'll let you have the egg whisk. It's yours anyway.
05:37My egg whisk?
05:39Yeah.
05:40Yeah, well, thanks for the...
05:43Yeah, I'll see you.
05:44All right, all right, all right.
05:46Who lent it to him?
05:48Well, when he was decorating, he ran out of sticks to stir his paint with.
05:53That's marvellous.
06:04George.
06:09George.
06:10George is on a deathbed, George.
06:13They've only been married a week.
06:16These are their last few tender moments together.
06:19And I kind of near a blind word for you and your pickles.
06:24You know what?
06:25Pickles, George.
06:27Oh, yeah.
06:27Here you are.
06:28I didn't know you liked them.
06:29Oh, honestly.
06:31You can't follow a film in this house unless you've got subtitles.
06:35Look at it.
06:36Peanuts, crisps, celery.
06:40You even drowned out the world at war.
06:41Oh, I've turned it off, George.
06:48Hey, oh, yeah, I know.
06:51Yeah, I was just thinking to myself.
06:53Oh, yeah?
06:54What about?
06:54About how I couldn't hear the film because of your nattering.
06:57Oh, sure.
06:59Why is it we cannot exchange two words without arguing?
07:02Well, we can't.
07:03We can't.
07:05I've been waiting for you to be in a good mood all day.
07:07Well, why?
07:09I'll tell you when you're in a good mood.
07:10Oh, I'm in a good mood.
07:11Not good enough.
07:12I'm in as good bloody mood as you're going to get me.
07:15Now, why?
07:17My mother is coming on Monday to spend the week with us.
07:20Over my dead body.
07:22George, it's her turn.
07:24We went down to stay with her last time.
07:26And that was over your dead body, as far as I remember.
07:28Yeah, I spent the whole week redecorating her kitchen.
07:31She had a paintbrush in me hand before I could get out of the car.
07:33She's coming, George.
07:35Mildred, am I or am I not master in my own house?
07:39Don't be ridiculous.
07:41Oh, hello, dear.
07:43Come on in.
07:44I'm not interrupting.
07:45No, no, dear.
07:46We're just in the middle of a friendly thorough.
07:48Oh, good.
07:49It's just that I thought I'd better come down and tell you we've got a mouse upstairs.
07:52A mouse?
07:53Oh, I can't.
07:53I hear.
07:54That's not allowed.
07:55It's in the lease.
07:56No pets.
07:56It's just that I thought you being the landlord, you ought to know.
08:00Oh, well, if his name's not on the rent book, it's not my responsibility.
08:03Oh, I can't abide mice.
08:05I take after my mother in that respect.
08:07No, I just put a few traps down.
08:08I mean, she can't stay in the same house as a mouse.
08:11Oh, some poison.
08:11I mean, that's usually very...
08:13On the other hand, we don't want to persecute it, do we?
08:16What?
08:17I'll tell you what, leave it there for a week or two and it might go off on its own accord.
08:20George?
08:20Hey, your mother won't want to come here now, will she, with her mouth loose and that?
08:25She needn't know, George.
08:26Ah, yeah, well, I might accidentally phone and let it slip.
08:30I'm only thinking of her, Mildred.
08:32Best cancel it, eh?
08:36I think I'll tempt its palate with a port-fed Stilton.
08:40I would have used Camembert, but it's slightly overripe.
08:43Look, we're trying to catch a mouse, not Egon Roney.
08:46Chris, it's its last meal.
08:48Anyway, it's all I've got.
08:49Oh, Roper wasn't much help.
08:52How long will it take to chop it?
08:54Ah, now, that does depend on how cooperative the mouse is.
08:56Well, I'm not sleeping in that bedroom till it's gone.
08:58That's very wise, Jo.
09:00I tell you what, I tell you what, you can have my bed.
09:03Oh, that's nice.
09:04Where will you sleep?
09:05What?
09:05Well, I mean, seeing as you're sleeping in my bed, you know, and I don't mind the...
09:09You know, I mean, I'm not bothered, so I'll have your bed.
09:11Oh, that's fair.
09:12I don't mind.
09:13Oh, I don't mind either.
09:14That's good.
09:15So, that's settled.
09:16Just a minute.
09:16You're not sleeping in the same bedroom as me.
09:20Still don't trust yourself, eh?
09:22This is rubbish.
09:23Look, Chrissie, I could protect you.
09:26I mean, look, just think about it, right?
09:27You say you don't mind mice, but just think.
09:29You suddenly awake in the middle of the night.
09:32Then you hear it.
09:33The scamper of feet on the lion, heading straight towards your bed.
09:37Yeah, that's why I don't want you in there.
09:40Jessie, don't be hasty.
09:41I tell you what we'll do, we'll discuss it over a nice cup of coffee.
09:44We can't.
09:44Why not?
09:45Because your friend upstairs borrowed the last of our coffee this morning.
09:48Oh, hello, mate.
10:00What do you want?
10:01My sugar, milk, coffee.
10:03Well, right now.
10:04And tomorrow, don't.
10:05No, it won't do, Larry.
10:06All right.
10:07Hang about.
10:10I mean, Larry, I'm sorry about this, but I've got two girls downstairs waiting for it.
10:15Oh.
10:15Yeah, this, er, this is Rosie.
10:20Rita.
10:21Pleased to meet you.
10:22Good evening.
10:24This, er, this is Robin.
10:25He won't be staying.
10:27Are you a friend of Lawrence's?
10:31Lawrence's?
10:32Er, no, no.
10:33Oh, Lawrence.
10:35Oh, oh, yes, indeed, yes.
10:39We met at the L'Andrette.
10:41Oh, very nice.
10:42Are you in the same line of business, then?
10:47Er.
10:47No, no, no.
10:48He's, er, he's not a fashion photographer, no.
10:51No, no, no.
10:52No, well, here on in there.
10:54I don't want to keep you, no.
10:55Well, then, nice to meet you.
10:58Pleasure, I'm sure.
10:59Oh.
10:59Cos, Bruce.
11:05Yeah, yeah.
11:06All right, all right.
11:09Larry, look, I'm sorry about you, no.
11:11No, don't worry, I've got plenty of time.
11:14She's going to miss her last bus, isn't she?
11:15She is?
11:16Yeah.
11:17I'll put my watch back 20 minutes.
11:18Oh, cheeky little Lawrence.
11:20Now, then, er, where was I?
11:27You was telling me about, er, modelling opportunities.
11:31Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:32You know, films and television.
11:35Oh, films, television, radio, all right.
11:38For the, er, for the right girl, you know, with the, with the right attitude, you know what
11:42I mean?
11:43Ah, it's wide open, I reckon you could, er...
11:45Something moved.
11:47Yeah, well, yeah.
11:48It ran, it ran across the...
11:51Ah, it's a mouse.
11:52Ah, it's a mouse.
12:18Wakey, wakey, let's have you.
12:43Rise and shine.
12:45Come on.
12:46Rise and shine.
12:47No way.
12:48Ugh.
12:49Just think, whoever marries you is going to have to look at that every morning.
12:52Oh.
12:52Oh.
12:53Ugh.
12:54Be like sleeping with a brillo pad.
12:57Listen, I've had no complaints so far.
12:59Oh, no.
13:02Wakey, wakey.
13:03Coffee.
13:04Oh, my leg, my leg, it's gone to sleep.
13:06That's the only bit of me that did go...
13:08Oh, come on.
13:11Can't have been that uncomfortable.
13:12Oh, my neck, it's so stiff.
13:15Come here.
13:16Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
13:22Nothing in the mouse trap.
13:24Oh, I don't care.
13:25I'm not sleeping on the city again.
13:27Well, we'll see.
13:28Oh, oh, how do you mean?
13:30Well, I do feel a bit guilty about last night.
13:32My knee hurts as well.
13:38And my back.
13:40I suppose you could have had Joe's bed.
13:42Well, tonight, perhaps I could sleep in Joe's bed tonight.
13:45Well, we'll see.
13:46Oh, good, good.
13:47You can't be fairer than that, can you?
13:52Did you sleep well?
13:53Oh, what?
13:54Oh, no, no, I didn't.
13:56No, it's terrible.
13:57I didn't sleep a wink.
13:58Oh, dear, perhaps you ought to have your bed back.
14:00No, no, no, no.
14:01You keep my bed, you know.
14:02You stay there till we find the mouse.
14:03I mean, it could be weeks, yeah?
14:08I've run out of coffee.
14:10Well, you only borrowed some yesterday.
14:11Ah, yeah, but he borrowed it back, didn't he?
14:13Hello, mate.
14:14Morning.
14:15Here, how do you fancy coming out of Kempton Park for the day?
14:17Huh?
14:18No, I don't think so.
14:19I've got a dead cert for the 3.30.
14:22There you are.
14:23Nothing doing.
14:24After last night, there's got to be an omen.
14:27Yeah, but you were in there last night.
14:29I mean, well, anyone could have been in there.
14:31Oh, that's what I thought.
14:33I was all going great, you know, those real tongue sandwich stuff.
14:37Now she sees that flaming mouse of yours.
14:40What, up in your flat?
14:41Yeah, got hysterical, didn't she?
14:42I had to slap her face.
14:43She slapped me back.
14:46Sort of spoiled the mood of the evening, really.
14:48Yeah, that's what it would do, wouldn't it?
14:49She damn near took the door off the injuries when she left.
14:52Nothing doing, eh?
14:54Yeah, yeah, 3.30, Kempton Park.
14:59Stay on.
14:59I've got the little beggar in the end.
15:01You what?
15:02I threw me radio at it.
15:03Clonk.
15:04What, you mean it's dead?
15:06Oh, I don't know.
15:06I switched it on soon.
15:07No, the mouse!
15:08Oh, no.
15:09That's great, you know.
15:11Will you keep your voice down?
15:13Now, listen, do me a favour.
15:14Don't tell Joe Chrissy.
15:15I don't want to know that the mouse is dead.
15:17I made you a couple coffee.
15:18Oh, son.
15:19No, no, no, he hasn't got time, hasn't got time.
15:21You know, you've got to catch a train, haven't you?
15:22You know, catch a park.
15:24Well, it's not, Harry.
15:24He's only 22.
15:25Yeah, I know, but it...
15:27No, it's not.
15:28It's 10 o'clock.
15:29No, it can't be 10.
15:30Oh, God.
15:31I put my watch back 20 minutes last night.
15:39Oh, good morning, son.
15:41Here, seen any more of our rodent friend then, eh?
15:43Oh, yeah, I killed it last night.
15:44Oh, good.
15:45What, dead?
15:46Yeah, I threw me radio at it.
15:48Keep your voice down, son.
15:50Look, I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell Mrs Roper about it, you see.
15:53I wanted to think it's still alive.
15:56You do?
15:56Yeah.
15:56Yeah.
15:57Yeah, all right then, yeah.
15:58All right.
15:59Good lad.
16:05There's something I could tell you,
16:07but I'm beginning to think it's a state secret.
16:11Yeah, all right.
16:12Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.
16:13Yes, love.
16:15See you on Monday.
16:16Bye-bye.
16:17Here.
16:18I thought she wasn't coming.
16:19She isn't, George.
16:21We're going down there to spend the week with her.
16:23Oh, no.
16:24Oh, yes.
16:25Oh, not Dagnum, Mildred.
16:27If she's only got one bedroom, I'll be stuck on the camp bed in the scullery again.
16:30Oh, she might allow you into the front parlour this time, George.
16:33No, she won't.
16:33She'll have me redecorating that.
16:35George.
16:35Yeah, what about that outside bog of hers?
16:37You have to sit there with Hurricane Lamb beating off the moths.
16:40Oh, yes.
16:41We are going, George.
16:45I mean, she's an old lady.
16:47Next time we see her, it might be at her funeral.
16:50Yeah.
16:50Well, I wouldn't mind going down for that.
16:52Oh, and about that mouse, I'll just remember, you know, the young fella, you know, the top
16:58flat, well, he's killed it, disposed of it.
17:00No, he just told me.
17:01So, I mean, she can come here if she wants to.
17:03Anything's better than going there.
17:05Oh, dear.
17:06You're not a very convincing liar, are you, George?
17:09We're going.
17:15Oh, you shouldn't have stacked the plates.
17:18Why not?
17:19Now I've got to wash the bottoms as well.
17:22Hey, listen, Missy, is that the late edition?
17:26Yeah.
17:27Well, how did nothing doing get on?
17:293.30, Kempton.
17:30Kempton.
17:31Kempton.
17:323.30, nothing doing, it was scratched.
17:35I suspect it's all those prickly fences they have to jump over.
17:42Do you think, do you think she means that, or is she just putting us on?
17:45I think she means it.
17:47Look, don't talk about me as if I weren't here.
17:50Where did that voice come from?
17:52Look, I wouldn't mind if I wasn't, because I wouldn't know, but I am, and I do, so don't.
18:00Yeah.
18:01I think, uh, I think I'll go to bed.
18:03What?
18:04Well, I didn't get much sleep last night, nor that bumpy, uncomfortable settee, though.
18:08All right, then you can sleep in Joe's bed.
18:11Oh, great.
18:12And I'll sleep on the settee.
18:13Yeah, fine.
18:14No, no, no.
18:15No, no, I mean, that's silly.
18:17Why?
18:17Well, I mean, you know, there isn't a lock on the lounge door.
18:20There isn't a lounge door.
18:21That is true.
18:22Uh, what I'm saying is that, you see, Chrissie, if you think I'm going to take advantage of
18:28a situation like this, then, well, you, you can't have a very high opinion of me.
18:34That's all I've got to say.
18:36Well, if you promise you'll behave yourself.
18:39Chrissie, of course I will.
18:41All right, then.
18:45Good.
18:48I think I'll have a shave before.
19:02You're respectful, yes?
19:04Good, good.
19:11Oh, yes, this is very nice.
19:17Very comfortable.
19:31Uh, I don't normally wear pajamas, but, um, you know, I thought under the circumstances,
19:39you know, I better had.
19:39Oh, I'll, uh, I'll get in, then.
19:59Oh, this is very nice.
20:00Oh.
20:06Good book.
20:07Hmm.
20:09What's that smell?
20:12Huh?
20:13Oh, that's me.
20:16It's the aftershave.
20:17Well, you know, I had a quick bath.
20:18It might be the top.
20:19Well, no, it's most probably the deodorant.
20:21That does pong a bit.
20:25God, this is a nice bed.
20:29What's yours like?
20:31You keep your mind off my bed.
20:32Yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry.
20:33I see that Fisher's protection bill has passed through the committee stage.
20:40What?
20:41Well, I've got to the floor of the house now for a second reading, most probably.
20:44What are you talking about?
20:46I'm just keeping my mind off your bed.
20:49Why don't you get a book or something?
20:51Oh, yeah, fine.
20:52Okay.
20:52Where are you going?
20:57A book, a book.
20:58Just to get a book.
20:59I'll take it back there and read.
21:05Hmm.
21:06Sex and the Single Girl.
21:08What's that about?
21:10Church architecture.
21:11I thought it might be.
21:16Oh, dear.
21:18It must be.
21:23What's this one like?
21:24Well, there's not a lot of plot.
21:25It's a London street guide.
21:30Yeah, so it is.
21:31Well, I've read it anyway.
21:35This is a very good book.
21:37Must be.
21:38You're reading it upside down.
21:40Oh.
21:41Well, yeah.
21:42Well, I wasn't really reading it anyway.
21:51Chrissie?
21:52No, Robin.
21:53But I haven't said anything.
21:55You don't have to.
21:59Look, they say this is the way a girl can lose a man's respect.
22:02Not mine.
22:05I've got tremendous respect for you.
22:08And I can feel it coming on right now.
22:12Robin.
22:13Go back to your own bed, please.
22:16Well, because if you really want me to, I'll go.
22:20I do.
22:21All right, then, fine, yes.
22:26Well, then I'll, er, I'll go.
22:29Good.
22:31Here I go, then.
22:34I'm on my way.
22:36Hi.
22:36Hi.
22:36All right, then?
22:47I'd hate myself in the morning.
22:51Yeah.
22:52Fine.
22:54On the other hand, I could lie until the afternoon.
22:56That's true.
23:03No!
23:04No!
23:04No!
23:07No!
23:08No!
23:08No!
23:09No!
23:10No!
23:10No!
23:10No!
23:10No!
23:10No!
23:11No!
23:11No!
23:11No!
23:11No!
23:12No!
23:12No!
23:13No!
23:13No!
23:13No!
23:13No!
23:14No!
23:18No!
23:20Could we have a little more considerate?
23:22it's you mr. Simmons yeah sorry about a bad day hmm oh by the way um I think I
23:30know the answer but I might as well ask you anyway oh that mouse mouse oh yeah
23:37yeah yeah you haven't killed it have you yeah go on tell us haven't gone no no
23:43no still alive I still scampering about somewhere it's right now just get in
23:51there George we are going to my mother's and he steps straight under the mouse trap oh that's
24:00terrible that's really terrible thank you very much Jo look she wasn't laughing at you she was
24:08laughing with you I wasn't laughing that's all you're like any chance of a copy oh bad
24:13time right in a mousetrap and it hurt what would you leave you lying about for you
24:21not killed a little thing last night that's what you didn't want me to say I see Joe get
24:37hold of his other foot would you
25:07you
25:08you
25:09you
25:10you
25:12you
25:14you
Be the first to comment