- 17 hours ago
Tv, Allo Allo S5E21 - All Aboard
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00:00Transcription by ESO. Translation by —
00:30especially at half past eight in the morning but my nerves are shot to pieces
00:33I feel like a cat who was used up eight of its nine lives why am I in this state
00:39I hear you ask I will tell you I hear myself reply firstly I have a cellar
00:45full of 258 exploding Christmas puddings secondly the British Airmen who were
00:51supposed to leave last night are needless to say back here following yet
00:55another British intelligence cock-up between you and me if there were enough
00:59money in that till I would elope with my waitress Yvette and start a new life
01:03she is nearly 20 years younger than I am so it would not be a very long life but
01:09it would be a rather enjoyable what Michelle is in the back room she wishes
01:16to speak to us all not again girls did she ask you to listen very carefully oh
01:21yes she has already done that bit we should be opening soon you
01:29London has come up with a bold and daring plan to get the British Airmen back to
01:33England I see and what airbrained scheme are they suggesting this time are they
01:38sending a submarine up the canal at midnight it was supposed to be a secret I do
01:45not believe this but Michelle surely the canal is not deep enough do not
01:50underestimate the brilliance of the British Navy two brave sailors are bringing a
01:55midget two-man submarine and how do you get four men into a two-man submarine you
02:01forget the two of the men are midgets no madame it is they are normal sailors it is
02:07the submarine that is a midget where do they put the airmen the airmen will sit
02:12astride wearing diving helmets it is a bold and daring plan and we have not had ears on
02:20the menu for a long time we will explain it to the airmen okay they are in the
02:25cellar wait now listen to me Yvette I can no longer stand the strain of this
02:34dangerous life Rene why do we not just run away together we will do so Rene please say
02:40yes I just said yes we will go to Switzerland we will take the paintings and we
02:46will hide in the mountains until the war is over oh Rene nobody must suspect a
02:52thing from now on we will not even talk to each other when I am ready I will send
02:56you a note telling you the time of the train oh Rene I am so happy I can hardly
03:01control myself oh this is everything I have ever wanted
03:05now let us have one last embrace before we do not speak to each other again
03:09until the train until the time
03:15shop
03:21Rene there has been a serious development you are to come with me to the office of
03:29colonel von strom you are to bring with you the two knuck first sausages containing the
03:34portrait of the fallen Madonna for the big boobies by Van Klomp and the cracked vase with the big daisies
03:39by Van Gogh I see well I am just about to open at the moment but I promise I will pop
03:44round without fail before tea time guards come in here
03:52Helga what is going on escort this man and the two knuck first sausages to the
03:57office of the town commandant I will get the sausages stay close to him
04:09I will get the sausages
04:12I will get the sausages
04:13I will get the sausages
04:14I will get the sausages
04:15Coliner Renny is outside with the sausages
04:17bring him in
04:19bring him in here
04:21you may go
04:27you may go good morning Karen I these were perfectly safe in my ladder till
04:40after the war you know we cannot keep them until after the war the generals
04:44been ordered by Hitler to send them advanced to Berlin ah well fortunately
04:49I also brought with me the two forgeries Hitler is taking no chances he is
04:53sending an art expert to authenticate the paintings if we do not produce them
04:57we will all be sent to the Russian front oh but colonel he has made that threat
05:01before many times this time it's serious we've already been fitted out with
05:06clothes come in Gruber
05:16Colonel the outfit is ready for you now don't worry Gruber Rene has brought us the paintings
05:24this is a great relief I did not fancy marching all the way to Moscow with tennis rackets on my feet
05:32paintings on the table Rene oh but colonel we were going to sell the paintings to keep us all after the
05:38war that Rene is all in the past this is terrible there's worse to come the general has demanded that
05:47we shoot the peasant we have known you a long time we all feel very close to you
06:01we decided to allow you to escape oh thank you colonel we're going to give you a 60 seconds start commencing now
06:10don't worry not this way through the window over the balcony down the ivy
06:16eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen fifteen
06:21could you start the clock again please
06:23thank you uncle that is all I wish to know
06:30I have just been on the telephone to my godfather Heinrich Himmler he informs me that Hitler could
06:38not have telephone general von Klinkerhofen because for the last week he has been shacked up in a tent
06:43deep in the black forest having the secret nookie with ever power I always thought Hitler was far
06:51above that sort of thing on the contrary he is crumpet mad the general is up to something where is the
07:00painting now it is already in the general's position a Swedish art expert has arrived from Switzerland to
07:07verify it it will then be transported by train to Berlin one small house and come here you yelled for me
07:18heavily do you have upon your person your pocket Gestapo railway timetable good one small house and I will be on
07:28this train we will recover the painting we will sell it and then we will run away to a
07:35tropical island there we will lead a simple life together dressed in banana leaves as we fall in the
07:42surf under the warm Sun does this appeal to you all except the sea I am not a very good swimmer
07:51colonel the general is on his way and the Swedish art expert is outside what are you doing with the
08:06telephone with a small piece of chewing gum I fix the cradle so that I can hear on Helga's phone every
08:15word that's spoken I see and for what reason are we doing this we must find out on which train the
08:22paintings are leaving hi little come in here with me this is the very known Swedish art expert you hope to
08:33make your acquaintance in person there are paintings on the table general good examine them you two wait
08:46outside yes you will stay ten feet away from the keyhole sit behind the desk wait here until I return
09:02don't think I get a fall for the old chewing gum on the telephone to it outside get to the window up the
09:22eye thing it being such an important mission would you not prefer to do this yourself too heavy for the
09:29ivy there's no doubt about it I'd stake my reputation that both of these are the authentic works of the
09:36masters my client will be most satisfied good I'm pleased to hear it now to the little matter of a
09:45million in gold bars I'll be most happy to hand them to you hmm that would seem to be correct the
09:54paintings are yours I will take them personally to Geneva does that be safe the night express to Geneva
10:02has in its God's van a safe my destination and mission are known only to you and to my client I
10:09don't think we have anything to worry about General do me a fiver
10:14you may have your office back I have finished with Hitler Hitler Hitler
10:26did you hear anything what are you doing there just ordinary eavesdropping colonel I was hoping to
10:40discover the destination of our paintings did you find anything out happily yes where's Gruber I am
10:47clinging to some ivy good morning good morning good morning officer Crouch you must do something
10:59the colonel is after me Rene do not weary the colonel has issued me with a photo fart picture
11:06look there's nothing like me exactly looks more like Jan the Baptist
11:17somebody's coming it is General van pick her off and hide me quick under the kinter
11:25the safe in my shadow has been blown up by the resistance I am therefore requisitioning the safe in the police station
11:44where is the key it is hanging on a nil on the wall
11:47I do not wish you to see what I place in the safe it is top secret I will go behind this deer in the back pissage
11:58you may return
12:23is there another key of curse I always carry a spear
12:31give it to me
12:32if you tell anyone about this you will be shot
12:37my lips are soiled
12:40do you know what he just put in that safe
12:50I was not in a position to sue
12:52gold
12:54gold bars
12:55a fortune in gold bars
12:57good
12:57good
12:58have you taken both the keys
13:01oh that is no problem
13:02I have more keys
13:0414 of them
13:08the other pelosmen keep their willets in the safe in case we get biggled
13:13expect somebody has dialed noon noon noon noon
13:21Nuvian pelouse
13:23yes
13:25hmm
13:27yes
13:29a pissy up a tree
13:32oh a siamese pissy
13:38well offer it a plate of sardoons that should bring it dean
13:44oh very well I will come at wince and bring a litter
13:51I have nicked a fortune in gold
14:03we must leave tonight for our love nest in the mountains
14:11be on the 1115 Geneva Express
14:16here is the ticket for the sleeper
14:23your own
14:25honey
14:26oh
14:28oh really
14:41good you are safe
14:44for the moment at least
14:45now
14:47I want you to give this note
14:48secretly to Yvette
14:50secretly
14:50I am eloping to Switzerland
14:52with Yvette
14:54with Yvette
14:54oh
14:55oh
14:56oh
14:56yeah
14:58what about Madame Edith
15:01she will be heartbroken
15:03yes you are right
15:05I will write her a tender note to say goodbye
15:08goodbye
15:11it is best for both of us that I leave you
15:18do not grieve for me
15:20Monsieur Alphonse will make you a fine husband
15:24yours faithfully
15:26René Artois
15:28you what I should give it to her
15:35oh hang on I will put her name on it
15:38it is not necessary
15:39I am not stupid
15:40this one is buff
15:43for your bit of stuff
15:44well until the war is over
15:48there you are two tickets to Dijon second class
16:02it is waiting at platform three hurry up
16:04uh Monsieur
16:08I already have my ticket
16:1111.15 for Geneva
16:12but it is one hour early
16:14I did not want to miss it
16:16the waiting room is open
16:17oh yes
16:18and that is the end of my song
16:26is there any news of René?
16:38not a whisper
16:39it is the first time that the Colonel and Lieutenant Gruber have not been here
16:44oh where can they all be?
16:46madam it is
16:47I did not want to do this until you had finished your song
16:50but I have a note for you
16:52but where is it?
16:53uh
16:54oh
16:55it is in my jacket
16:56I will get it for you
16:57which one is which?
17:02uh
17:02this one is buff
17:04for the bit of old rough
17:05it is from Remy
17:10I have nicked a fortune in gold
17:19we must leave tonight for our love nest in the mountains
17:22be on the 11.15 Geneva Express
17:26here is the ticket for the sleeper
17:29your own René
17:30oh
17:32all my dreams have come true
17:38he is a wonderful man
17:50she has taken it very well
17:56oh
17:58Yvette
17:59this one is white
18:03for the bit of all right
18:05I have a note from Remy
18:09for you
18:10oh thank you
18:11goodbye
18:20it is best for both of us that I leave you
18:24do not grieve for me
18:25Monsieur Alphonse will make you a fine husband
18:28yours faithfully René Artois
18:33you dirty old man
18:37I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on us
18:40all I asked for was a bloody Mary
18:48René
18:54he has left me a note
18:56I have nicked a fortune in gold
19:00I have nicked a fortune in gold
19:04your own René
19:09I will follow him
19:15to the ends of the earth
19:17who are you
19:29I am the guard for the Geneva Express
19:31I am the guard for the Geneva Express
19:34union of negotiated shorter hours
19:37three cheers for the Transports and General
19:40I have reserved
19:55one first class sleeper for Geneva please
19:59name
19:59Madame X
20:03Helga
20:13come here
20:14now remember
20:19you will distract the Swedish painting expert
20:22whilst we switch the paintings in the guards van
20:24very good colonel
20:26there is Gruber
20:27I think I saw him outside
20:29Gruber
20:32you are supposed to be a dining car attendant
20:34I could not acquire the uniform
20:36have you brought with you the forged paintings
20:39they are here in my long lunchbox
20:41one first class sleeper for Geneva
20:43well done
20:44you see that man
20:47that is the quarry
20:48you will follow him
20:50then he has put the paintings
20:52into the safe
20:53in the guards van
20:55you will insinuate yourself
20:57into his compartment
20:58you will drug his wine
21:00and get from him
21:01the keys of the safe
21:02which will be in his possession
21:03very good colonel
21:04that will be the train now
21:08go
21:09members of the public are not allowed in here
21:24we are members of the Gestapo
21:26take off your jackets and leave the train
21:29but it is moving
21:30then you had better start running
21:32before you touch the ground
21:34hello
21:50good evening
21:53I am placing this package
21:56of very little value
21:59in this
22:01the Bursey books
22:04we will keep an eye on it
22:05we will guard it with our lives
22:09we will also take care of the key
22:12if you wish
22:12I prefer to attach it to my balls
22:16is that you?
22:46yes my love
22:47there is a wonderful smell of perfume
22:52I have poured all bodily over myself
22:55I feel like little girl
22:58you are a little girl
23:01yes
23:03can you get up without a ladder?
23:08hopefully
23:08this is the first night
23:13of the rest of my life
23:15I can hardly believe
23:23this is happening
23:24I can hardly believe
23:25this is happening
23:26I can hardly believe
23:27this is happening
23:27I can hardly believe
23:28I can hardly believe
23:28I can hardly believe
23:28I can hardly believe
23:29this is happening
23:29I can hardly believe
23:30this is happening
23:31I can hardly believe
23:31this is happening
23:32I can hardly believe
23:32this is happening
23:33I can hardly believe
23:33this is happening
23:34I can hardly believe
23:34this is happening
23:35I can hardly believe
23:35this is happening
23:36I can hardly believe
23:36this is happening
23:37I can hardly believe
23:37this is happening
23:38I can hardly believe
23:38this is happening
23:39I can hardly believe
23:39this is happening
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