- 3 months ago
Tv, Allo Allo S5E18 - Leclerc Against the Wall
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00:00The End
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00:24Some of you may be itching to know why I am sitting at the piano.
00:28The reason is sad, but simple.
00:30After an exciting chase, Monsieur Leclerc, our regular pianist,
00:34has just been arrested by the Gestapo
00:37on suspicion of concealing 975,000 forged francs down his trousers.
00:43At the time of his arrest, he was disguised as a pillow-stuffer
00:47with feathers in his hat
00:52because he was delivering two parachutes
00:55to help the British airmen escape inside two dummy landmines
00:59which had to be attached to a German bomber and dropped over London.
01:03This simple little plot was hatched by British intelligence
01:08in between doing crossword puzzles and reading a paper
01:11which I believe to be called the Beano.
01:13Winnie, here is my music.
01:18Oh, how good it is to see you at the piano once more.
01:22Do you remember the way you used to play for me when we first met?
01:25Ah, I played in all the bars in those days.
01:28I was known as syncopated Sidney.
01:32Oh, play for me once again, Winnie.
01:34Ah, yeah.
01:35I love you as I've never loved before.
01:45Loved before.
01:47Since first I met you on the village green.
01:51Village green.
01:53You come to me ere my dream of life is o'er.
01:58Life is o'er.
02:00I love you as I loved you.
02:05When you were sweet.
02:08When we were sweet.
02:12Sixteen.
02:16Oh, Winnie.
02:17Oh, it all comes flooding back.
02:20Just like a typhoon.
02:23Do you remember the way I used to sing for you
02:25under the old willow tree by the river?
02:27Oh, yes indeed.
02:28The trouble I had lugging this piano down there.
02:33Why do we not get married again, Winnie?
02:38What have we got to lose?
02:40Well...
02:41Are you afraid that I might run off with a younger man?
02:45That could be one of the problems, yeah.
02:49Oh, I would not do it, Winnie.
02:51I am in the autumn of my life.
02:54There is the amato on my right foot,
02:56the bunion on my left,
02:57and the first murmurings of sciatica in my right hip.
03:01Well, you might still hobble off with a younger man.
03:05I promise you, Winnie,
03:06I will be by your side 24 hours a day.
03:13What do you say?
03:15Edith.
03:16Edith, I do not know one man
03:18who could resist such an offer.
03:20But you have forgotten Denise LaRocque,
03:22the leader of the Communist Resistance.
03:25She is wild about me.
03:26She would kill any woman
03:28whose lips even brushed against mine.
03:30Oh, Winnie.
03:31You are my wonder man.
03:33Always you think only of me.
03:36Oh, let me kiss those magic fingers.
03:38One of Denise's friends might see us through the window.
03:41I have good news, Herr Flick.
03:54I have finally caught the wandering pillow stuffer.
03:57He is outside.
03:59Then bring him in.
04:00Bring the prisoner in here!
04:03Leave us.
04:04So, I suppose you thought that because Von Smallhausen was very small and walked with a limp, you could outpace him.
04:23Little do you know, he was the cross-country limping champion of Westphalia.
04:32Listen to me, pillow stuffer.
04:35An anonymous person informed us on the telephone that you have something of great value in your trousers.
04:40Was it Madame Lena from the dress shop?
04:56We are not concerned with the identity of the informant.
05:00Berlin, however, is interested in the contents of your trousers.
05:04The whole of Berlin or just Hitler?
05:12If you please, I would rather not.
05:19Von Smallhausen.
05:20Yes, Herr Flick.
05:24Remove the trousers.
05:26Yes, Herr Flick.
05:34Not you.
05:35The prisoner.
05:37Yes, Herr Flick.
05:39Very well.
05:41I will do this under protest.
05:47What do you think, Von Smallhausen?
05:50Rather disappointing, Herr Flick.
05:54Where is it?
06:01Where is what?
06:04The forged money.
06:06Oh, I know nothing of any forged money.
06:10Lock him up while I decide what to do with him.
06:13David, if I could...
06:21Yes, General.
06:23Of course, General.
06:25Yes, that is indeed terrible news, General.
06:29You may rely on me to act instantly.
06:35The Resistance has stolen two of our latest landmines.
06:38Not the Mark VI.
06:40The Mark VI.
06:44Those damned Resistance people, they are getting very cheeky.
06:48Mark, you look at the rider monkey, no?
06:51I think I might be they blow you up.
06:56We must find these landmines at once.
06:58In a case they plan to blow up at your place, I think I go to my place.
07:09Typical VOP reaction.
07:11We face being blown up 24 hours a day.
07:15Don't we, Gruber?
07:16I prefer not to think about it.
07:19Do you see me twitching?
07:21Do you see me looking nervous?
07:23No.
07:25I have more important things to think about.
07:26It is all right, Colonel, it was only Captain Bertorelli.
07:37Silly schoolboy prank.
07:39Colonel, I have serious news.
07:42What is it, Helga?
07:44In his quest for the missing Gestapo forged Franks,
07:47Herr Flick has arrested the old piano player from the cafe.
07:50What's serious about that?
07:51He's only a Frenchman.
07:52Two minutes before, he would have taken me, Bertorelli, Italian war hero.
07:58Somebody, he'd tell the Gestapo I have 975,000 francs down my trousers.
08:04Herr Flick has announced that if the money is not returned,
08:08the pianist will be taken to the town square and shot.
08:10Oh, that's not important.
08:12The money's at the cafe.
08:14Rennie can return it anonymously.
08:16Captain Bertorelli, where precisely did you put it?
08:18One of the white dresses.
08:21The one with the little body and the big of the mouth.
08:23She stuffed it inside of the oven.
08:26What is your relationship with Rennie?
08:29I think he trusts me.
08:33It's possible he knows something about the landmines.
08:36Go and see him.
08:38Help him get the money back to the Gestapo.
08:40Worm your way into his confidence.
08:43He might drop something.
08:44He can but hope.
08:46Mama!
08:48What are you doing out of bed?
08:50Too long have they been up inside the room starving on what you give me.
09:03So I am cooking myself a big baked potato.
09:07Oh, you are a wonder.
09:09You are a wonder.
09:12Edith, we have customers.
09:15What is this old bat doing down here?
09:18Oh, is it not wonderful, Rennie?
09:20Her appetite has returned.
09:22She is going to have a big baked potato.
09:24Potato?
09:26Where did she get it?
09:28Where did you get it from?
09:30You concealed it from me, from behind the cistern in the bathroom.
09:33Inside that potato is the spy camera for photographing the German invasion plans.
09:39What have you done with it?
09:41It is in the oven.
09:43The forged money is in the oven.
09:47Oh, my God!
09:52Oh, my God.
09:53Oh, my God.
10:01Is it done?
10:06Done?
10:08You have just burnt a spy camera and one million francs.
10:11Do not worry, Rennie.
10:13It was forged money.
10:15It is the camera I am worried about.
10:17Well, I am not to blame.
10:18I shall tell the resistance that it was this deaf old crone that did it.
10:21Then I shall tell the Germans about the paintings.
10:25And the airmen.
10:27And the stolen landmines.
10:31I can finger you, buddy, and get you sent to the big house just like that.
10:40Is there no end to the evil in this woman?
10:43Get her back to her bedroom and bung up her ear-trampet.
10:47Rennie, that British idiot who thinks he can speak French is in the cafe.
10:51He is asking for you.
10:53Oh, my God.
11:01Good morning.
11:04Good morning.
11:05Good morning.
11:07I have bad nose.
11:08This piece of pooper has been pissed.
11:13On the wheels of the town square.
11:19What is a picture of Monsieur Leclerc?
11:24Without his trousers.
11:25Unless the money stolen from the Gestapo is returned within 24 hours, this man will be shot in the town square.
11:34Rennie, what are we going to do?
11:36We cannot let them shoot the pianist.
11:38We cannot give them back the money.
11:39Your mother has just burnt it in the oven.
11:40Seems to moo that things are going from bit to wasp.
11:47Could we not forge some more money to give to the Gestapo?
11:53How can we? The forger is the one they are going to shoot.
11:56Under threat of death, he may reveal our connections with the resistance.
12:01We could all be shot in the town square.
12:03And all because your mother wanted a baked potato.
12:09I know Monsieur Leclerc.
12:11He is a brave man.
12:13He will hold out the very last moment, bravely hoping the money will be returned.
12:18And when it is not returned?
12:20He will drop us in it.
12:24Lieutenant Gruber, the one that fancies you, is coming across the town square.
12:28Act normally.
12:29I have been doing that for weeks. It does not discourage you.
12:33I will goo down the back passage.
12:40Ah, Rennie.
12:42Lieutenant Gruber, come in. Your usual.
12:47You look pale and your hands are trembling.
12:50Ah, well, it is the worry about the war and hoping that you will win, of course.
12:53I have come to help you give that money back to the Gestapo so that your pianist can be released.
13:00Ah, Lieutenant, that will be a little difficult.
13:03My wife's mother has just cooked the money for lunch.
13:06Oh dear, this is not good news.
13:10However, Rennie, all is not lost.
13:12You have, I take it, heard the expression, if you scratch my back, then I will scratch your back.
13:25It is not one I use every day, but yes.
13:28I could very likely help you if you could let something drop.
13:34I see. Um, on the other hand, he was not a very good pianist.
13:41Do you have any information as to the whereabouts of the stolen landmines?
13:46No, Lieutenant, no. But should I hear anything, I would, of course, let you know at once.
13:51Because if they were returned, I am sure I could arrange for the release of the pianist.
13:55I see.
13:57Remember, Rennie, my door is always open.
14:01I am sure it is, Lieutenant.
14:06By the way, I have moved my room.
14:10I now have one with the most beautiful view.
14:12It is right at the very top of the west tower.
14:16Well, it is always good to have a friend in high places.
14:21Oh, Rennie, what a vague.
14:28Yvette.
14:30We must at once make contact with Michel.
14:33The only way to secure the release of Monsieur Leclerc is by giving back to the Germans their landmines.
14:37She is across the town square, in the yard of the builder, with the airmen.
14:40Right, you finish serving those customers, and then we will go to her.
14:44Yeah.
14:47Alan? Are the airmen inside?
14:49They have been in there for one hour.
14:51One hour?
14:52It is the time it will take for the German bomber to get from France to England.
14:56They should be acclimatized by now.
14:58I think they are still breathing.
15:00Good. We will now practice their release.
15:02Hell yeah!
15:04Listen, yes.
15:05We will pretend that you are somewhere over England at 5,000 feet.
15:09The bombs will be dropped, they will be slowed down by a small parachute, so that will give you about 30 seconds to unscrew your nuts.
15:18Then you open the top and climb the nuts.
15:23Next, you sit astride the bomb, pull out your parachute, adjust the webbing, jump off and pull the ripcord.
15:29Is that clear?
15:31It's rather a lot to remember.
15:33Is there any chance of writing it down?
15:35I couldn't read in the dark.
15:36Oh, good, thank you.
15:38Right.
15:40Stand by.
15:42To represent the release, we will both give you a bang with a hammer.
15:46Watch out, watch out.
15:49On the count of three.
15:51One, two, three.
15:59I say, you have to do that.
16:02It went right through me.
16:04Could you just tap with your hands, gently?
16:07All right, chaps. Start again.
16:29What is going on?
16:30The airmen are practicing their escape from the landmines.
16:34They have 30 seconds before they hit the count.
16:39I've dropped the spanner.
16:41Can I borrow yours?
16:43Don't be silly.
16:45Here it is. Start again.
16:47Thanks, awfully.
16:51One, two, three.
16:55Now, listen, if we do not give these bombs back to the Germans, they are going to shoot the pianist.
16:59Impossible.
17:00They cannot have them.
17:02I say, I've got a cross thread on one of my nuts.
17:06And then, give it a bang with your hammer.
17:08Oh!
17:10Oh!
17:12Oh!
17:14Oh!
17:16Why do you not give the Germans back their money?
17:18It has been cooked with a potato by his wife's mother.
17:22Can you get nothing right?
17:24Hooray!
17:25Oh!
17:26Oh!
17:27Oh!
17:28Oh!
17:29Oh!
17:30Oh!
17:31Oh!
17:32Oh!
17:33The parachute.
17:34Oh, of course.
17:35Silly me.
17:39I've dropped my spanner again.
17:43Here, have mine.
17:45I finished with it.
17:46Thanks.
17:47there is only one course open to us you must get on the radio and ask British
17:51intelligence to help us this is an example of their Andy work I do not
17:55think we have much oh what do I do next pull the ripcord
18:02you know not too keen on this idea I have here orders from Berlin requiring you to provide a
18:28firing squad to execute the wandering pillow stuffer if the money is not returned you are
18:33to shoot him in the town square at seven o'clock in the morning it is signed by Heinrich Himmler
18:38I keep it is me I collected the autographs those are your orders that is all highly club this is
18:52gonna make us very unpopular especially you Gruber colonel I did it last time I really don't think
19:01it is my turn I think you're right but really you wanted to be in this war your troops can do the
19:08shooting me oh no me and my men we all Italian war heroes we not shoot old pianists even the lousy
19:17ones I am your superior officer you will do as I say I will report you to Berlin Hitler will hear
19:25about it he will tell Mussolini and he will send you to the desert to fight Montgomery he is the
19:32one with two badges in his hat not everyone with the two badges in his hat I talk to my men we shoot at
19:44the pianist what is happening there is no sign yet of Monsieur Leclerc what is the time just 10 minutes to 7
19:59oh look there is the firing squad
20:02stand that easy
20:18move your feet
20:20move your feet
20:21that's alive
20:23good morning
20:28where have you been
20:31they are here
20:32if we're supposed to drop that money last night
20:34I wetted all night in the woods
20:36flashing my titch
20:40and why did they not come
20:47the bummer's pissed over him
20:50the clods were very loose
20:57and it was a bit figgy
21:00it is monsieur Leclerc
21:03oh the poor man
21:05there is no need to push
21:17if the money is not returned
21:30in two minutes
21:32the wandering pillow stuffer
21:34give him the money
21:39roger
21:42have courage
21:43keep your chin up
21:46I have prayed for some money
21:48a fat lot of good it is doing
21:50lord of the guns
21:54what happens if he cracks at the last minute
22:00and drops us right in it
22:01do not worry
22:02I have guns trained on him
22:04by our marks women
22:05you have one last chance
22:11to tell us where you have hidden the money
22:13very well
22:14I will tell you everything
22:16she missed
22:22what did you do with that hand grenade
22:25the bummers
22:29capitano
22:31it's a raid
22:32we come back later
22:34you stay where you are
22:35you take the aim
22:36ok
22:37come on
22:38are icy children
22:41some more
22:43some more
22:43some more
22:44some more
22:46some more
22:47some more
22:47some more
22:48some more
22:49Michelle
22:50come on
22:50look
22:51what is the million francs
22:55in the nick of two
22:58pardon me interrupting
23:03but the money is here
23:05Quick, grab the dog!
23:35Thank you!
24:05Thank you!
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