- 2 months ago
Tv, Allo Allo S5E15 - Forged Francs & Fishsellers
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00:00the sun is shining the scent of France is in the air you would not think I had a care in the world
00:27if I were not hiding two British airmen and two girls of the communist resistance and if I had not
00:34just robbed the bank and stolen 1 million francs of Gestapo money you would be right now about to feed
00:40the carrier bird that will take the microfilm of the German plan for the invasion of England direct
00:45to London now you may think that the bird that I am referring to is a carrier pigeon you would be
00:51wrong the RAF have provided us with a long-distance duck they've been very quiet in there come on it is
01:02breakfast time
01:07come on
01:08my God she has given birth to an old squadron
01:25oh look at those little babies oh what does that make you single
01:35green peas and stuffing
01:38why do we not run away to Paris now we have the money from the bank that we robbed
01:46no no Yvette that money was too hot we do not have it anymore
01:49where is it I help lieutenant Gruber to stuff it down his trousers
01:54a million francs are you mad we could have lived on that forever
01:59I do not think you want to marry me at all
02:03shh keep your voice down
02:04oh I am never going to live happily ever after
02:09ready
02:13what were you doing with your arms around that girl
02:18you stupid woman
02:22she was faint from hunger
02:25she cries to see the food being given to the ducks
02:28oh you poor child
02:32you must build up your strength
02:34here have some potato peeing
02:37thank you
02:40do not be ungrateful girl eat them out
02:45yes uncle heinrich of course uncle heinrich I am talking to him
03:01himmler
03:07do not listen
03:08yes uncle heinrich but with respect the gestapo money that was stolen from the bank was not genuine francs
03:15they were forged francs
03:17yes of course
03:20yes of course
03:21it is the principle of the scene
03:23do not worry uncle I will detect the miscreants and bring them to justice
03:30but uncle you cannot expect me to shoot everyone in the town
03:33I am unpopular enough as it is
03:39yes uncle
03:40by the way
03:41by the way
03:42is there any chance of a postal order to tide me over
03:45he hung up
03:47one small house
03:49one small house
03:55pay attention
03:59we must trace the whereabouts of the stolen money
04:03but how here flick
04:05what is the first thing that people do with stolen money
04:08they hide it in the mattress
04:10no they do not
04:13they divide it up amongst themselves
04:15what do they do then
04:17they spend it
04:18no they do not
04:21they hide it in a mattress
04:23what happens then
04:25I do not like to say here flick
04:29always somebody makes a mistake
04:33what is this mistake
04:35they send the mattress to the cleaners
04:39no they do not
04:42they spend some of it
04:44and what do they spend it on
04:46excuse me
04:47excuse me
04:47luxury goods
05:00possibly
05:02but possibly not
05:05more likely food
05:11we will disguise ourselves as market traders
05:14the first person who spends one of the forged notes
05:17will be arrested and interrogated
05:19until he leads us to the source
05:21965
05:25970
05:26975,000 francs
05:29I thought the ransom was a million
05:32are you sure there is no more down your trousers
05:34that's me
05:35I'll take your word for it
05:41I suggest we give it anonymously to her flick and put an end to the matter
05:46don't let us be hasty gruber
05:49975,000 francs
05:53buys a lot of strudel
05:55I have seen her flick
05:59he is as mad as a snake
06:01should he find out that I know the whereabouts of the money
06:03I shudder to think what may be my fate
06:05so do not tell him
06:07two for you
06:10two for me
06:12one for you
06:14two for you
06:16two for me
06:18one for you
06:20well, why am I to receive only one?
06:23because you are a woman
06:24two for you
06:26two for me
06:27one for you
06:28two for me
06:29two for you
06:30one for you
06:31I am a woman with a big mouth
06:33two for you
06:35two for you
06:36two for you
06:38calm down
06:39my friend
06:41ooo
06:43a beautiful lady
06:47a kiss of your hand
06:49a kiss of your hand
06:51Lieutenant Gruber
06:53how you getting on eh?
06:55and what do i see what indeed the bigger the lolly this is the money what do you steal from
07:05the bank for the ransom no yes ow and so keep off with your vop hands
07:11foreign i see you have the share out why you know include your friend alberto why should we include
07:17you because i can drop you in the you know water and you not come out smelling of the roses
07:23two for you two for you colonel um i've been standing outside the uh the door and i could
07:33not help but uh hear your conversation uh is there a little something for me how about a posting to
07:40the russian front oh i cannot be sent to the russian front um on medical grounds why what's the matter
07:47with you um it's my memory colonel what are we talking about get out
07:55two for you two for you
08:09michelle what are you doing this is my cover as a window cleaner i can move from house to house
08:15without a rousing suspicion and how about putting some water in your bucket listen very carefully
08:23i shall say this only once our organization in abbeville has succeeded in photographing the plans
08:29for the invasion i have the macro film i will give it to you you will attach it to the leg of the long
08:35distance duck the duck will then transport it to london is anyone looking the old village will be
08:42looking if you do not hurry up
08:48michelle for this you will need a long distance albatross
08:53the microfilm is hidden beneath the stamp of the parcel
08:56steam it off and attach it to the leg of the duck with a cone plaster
09:02there is a problem there is a problem with that duck she has just given birth to five little ducks
09:07so well if you take her away from them now they will die put them under a warm tea cozy and feed
09:14them every four hours with a fountain pen filler look i am not going to wet nurse a duck i have a
09:20business to run then find a broody n and who will teach them to swim and think of the mother if she is
09:27taken away from them now she will not reach cali before she gets post-natal depression
09:30i am working for the resistance trying to win the war and you are working for duck welfare that duck
09:39lives today
09:42hang on you have not finished my windows screw your windows
09:47what are you doing with a fruit basket on your eggs
10:02i am going shopping for food and talking of food how much longer do we have to hide these communist
10:09resistance girls well i expect the search will be over in a few days and then they will be able to
10:14leave oh they are eating me out of house and dome they are like animals i know
10:25renee the one that is called denise laroque is she the same denise laroque who was your childhood
10:32sweetheart who held you captive against your will who has the odds for you and wanted to marry you
10:39and threaten to kill me if i got in the way no this is a different denise
10:46renee let me look into your eyes i can always tell if you are lying
10:54i see it is the truth
10:59oh renee i am so happy i have made these sandwiches for mama you take them to her my angel yes of course
11:08my sweetheart
11:25renee denise i knew you would come to me passion of my life just the sight of your brave faces made me
11:33kitty it is probably the smell of mouth balls that i have just crushed under my feet
11:38and you have brought me sandwiches oh let me eat before we make love
11:42well attractive though this may be i i cannot stay at the moment i am overrun with germans
11:47uh look have you made any plans to escape i will stay here till everything dies down
11:53oh as long as that
11:56then you will kill the woman you are living with barrier in the garden and i together in the sewers
12:00of paris popping up from time to time to kill the hated enemy i can hardly wait
12:07kiss me as if there were no tomorrow but it is only 11 o'clock on the morning of today
12:21this looks like a good pitch we will sell our fish
12:30i have the pink girls i have something
12:39i have the crabs
12:49once you will drive people away
12:52you are not a good fish sir i'm sorry hair flick please tell me what to do
13:03la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
13:18Fosh is very pingy
13:22you cannot spoke like thus to an if complicate of the loo
13:25Where is your straight treater's lucence?
13:32Ah, Gestupo.
13:36I will have a pound of Wonkles.
13:41What are Wonkles?
13:44These are Wonkles.
13:47Winkles.
13:55What part of France do you come from?
13:58I am half Etulian.
14:02Etulian?
14:04Etulian.
14:06I think he means Italian.
14:09I was brought up in nipples.
14:14Nipples?
14:16Yes. You know the old suey?
14:18See nipples and do.
14:25Yes.
14:33Return to me as soon as you are able.
14:36Of course.
14:41And next time, bring the mustard.
14:55There.
14:58I've been in this wardrobe all night thinking of you.
15:01I thought that I would explode with passion.
15:05Lucky you kept the door closed.
15:09I see that you have brought me food.
15:11So that I may build up my strength.
15:13So that we can run away together.
15:15Oh.
15:17I do not think that two sardines and a bit of cress will help you run away very quickly.
15:21But let's kill Denise.
15:23An Ida body in a disused refrigerator.
15:26And fly away to the Alps.
15:28Where we can drop rocks on the Germans.
15:30Oh, what a romantic notion.
15:32Unfortunately, we use our disused refrigerator.
15:36The moment it breaks down, I will let you know.
15:38Only one sandwich left for my wife's mother.
15:47Still at her age, she does not need much.
15:54What is it that you do to them all?
15:57What is it about this face that drives them to such blinding passion?
16:03Still, not bad for 32.
16:12When is it?
16:14Not now.
16:20Oh, good morning, Monsieur Alfonso.
16:23Good morning, my adorable Madame Edith.
16:28Magnificent.
16:29How handsome you look this morning, Monsieur Alfonso.
16:35Oh.
16:37The aroma surrounding you is most tantalizing.
16:41Better than the rest of the marketplace.
16:45I've been to the hairdresser to have my moustache restyled.
16:49The pomade they use is their own preparation.
16:51It is made from badger grease and rose petal water.
16:56Oh, it glistens in the morning light.
16:59Oh, natural products are always the best, are they not?
17:03Oh, undoubtedly.
17:05I also had my hair shampooed with extract of ajog.
17:09Oh, it has given its electric body.
17:15It has its drawbacks.
17:20If ever it hears a motor router, it clenches itself into a bowl.
17:24Good morning.
17:28Good morning.
17:32Wonkers! Wonkers!
17:35Who will buy my wonkers?
17:42Good morning, fishmonger.
17:44I have not seen you here before.
17:45We are new around here.
17:48Which is more than I can say for your fish.
17:51Sweet cod's aids for the cat.
17:54Look.
17:56This is a forged banknote.
17:59We are the Gestapo.
18:00You are under arrest.
18:02You will come with us for interrogation.
18:04Gentlemen, I am an innocent man.
18:06I am Monsieur Alfonso, the respected undertaker.
18:10I am entirely innocent.
18:12That way is your hair standing on end in fight.
18:16You will come with us.
18:18Oh, no, no, gentlemen.
18:20No.
18:21Gentlemen, please.
18:23This is a foolish mistake.
18:25Madame Inez, help me, please!
18:27Madame Inez!
18:31Who is it?
18:33It is René. Are you decent?
18:35I have been decent since August 1922.
18:40What do you want?
18:42I have brought you your lunch.
18:43Oh...
18:45Oh...
18:48Half the crummy sardine sandwich.
18:51How am I supposed to live?
18:54Stop whinging, you old bat!
18:56There is a wall on!
18:58Oh...
19:00If one of my late husbands were alive,
19:03to hear you talk to me like that, he would oswip you!
19:07Well, they are not alive, are they?
19:08No...
19:09No...
19:10No...
19:11That is why I should have to do it myself!
19:14LAUGHTER
19:16What is happening?
19:18Zooligan has gone mad!
19:20Stop it, Mama!
19:21Stop it!
19:23He is no good!
19:25Oh...
19:26You must marry Monsieur Alphonse!
19:29And give him the bums rush!
19:32LAUGHTER
19:34Something terrible has happened to Monsieur Alphonse!
19:36He has been arrested by the Gestapo!
19:38What?
19:39Gestapo!
19:41Pfff!
19:43LAUGHTER
19:44Why is he being arrested?
19:47He passed one of the banknotes that we stole from the bank!
19:51It was a forgery!
19:53What?
19:54Where did he get it?
19:55He had been to the hairdresser.
19:57Michel used some of the stolen money there!
19:59My God! It will all be traced to us!
20:01No! Monsieur Alphonse loves me!
20:04He will die before he gives me away!
20:06It is!
20:08If he dies before he marries you,
20:10who will get his money?
20:11The home for distressed undertakers!
20:15LAUGHTER
20:16Well, you must rescue him!
20:18Make him sign the will and then...
20:21hand him back!
20:23LAUGHTER
20:25Oh, Michel!
20:26Monsieur Alphonse has been arrested by the Gestapo!
20:28I know!
20:30We must get on the radio!
20:31I have a plan!
20:33Oh!
20:35This is your fault, Michel!
20:37You used some of that money when you went to have your hair done!
20:39For weeks I have not had my hair done!
20:41I said of the resistance I have a position to maintain!
20:45Hello, London!
20:46Stand by for a message!
20:49Hello, Kingfisher!
20:50Hello, Kingfisher!
20:52This is Bluetit!
20:54This is Bluetit!
20:56Pass your message, Bluetit!
20:59Please send two pairs of 15 denier stockings
21:02and a packet of suicide pills!
21:04The quick ones!
21:06Message received!
21:07Is the duck ready?
21:10Is the duck ready?
21:12I will look up the code!
21:13It is not code!
21:15Look out of the window!
21:19Yes, the duck is ready!
21:21We need the invasion plans at once!
21:24The wind is favourable!
21:26Release the duck immediately!
21:28Message received!
21:29We will prepare the duck for launch!
21:31Oh!
21:33A duck for lunch!
21:39Did you attach the microfilm to the leg of the duck with the corn plaster?
21:43It is done!
21:45Do you have the long-distance dick?
21:47And the ducks are ready for takeoff!
21:48I will move these peasants out of the wee and make a clear pick!
21:50Oh!
21:51There you are, chaps!
21:52I say, Michelle, what's going on?
21:53We're flying the invasion plans to England by fast duck!
21:54Just think, Renée!
21:55In a moment, it will be thawing above the clouds!
21:56Taking with it the plans of the invasion!
21:57We hope!
21:58Really?
21:59Really?
22:00Really?
22:01Really?
22:02Oh, there you are, chaps!
22:03I say, Michelle, what's going on?
22:05We're flying the invasion plans to England by fast duck!
22:17Just think, Renée!
22:18In a moment, it will be thawing above the clouds!
22:21Taking with it the plans of the invasion!
22:24We hope!
22:26Well, let me release it!
22:29Very well, if you wish, Edith!
22:32This will go down in history as the turning point in the struggle of the oppressed peoples of the world
22:38against the jackboots of fascist imperialists!
22:55Oh.
22:56He didn't develop nor thirty-point詞と思います!
22:57He-he-he.
23:02He nattabil sh desarrollers!
23:04He-he-he!
23:05He-he- cockeyed!
23:06He-he-ha
23:07He-he-he.
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