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Tv, Allo Allo S5E19 - Christmas Puddings
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00:00Oh, you'll find me sampling one or two of the local vintages,
00:28so that they may choose a house wine for my café.
00:35Mm. Ah, too good for the peasants.
00:49Too bad for the peasants.
00:51Good enough for the Germans.
00:57René, have you found a suitable one yet?
01:00Yes. This one will do very nicely.
01:03Go and put a pint of antifreeze in that barrel.
01:06René, you once more have a smile on your face.
01:09How many bottles have you tasted?
01:11Oh, no, it is not the wine, Edith.
01:13A great load has been lifted from my shoulders.
01:16The Gestapo have received back their money,
01:18Monsieur Leclerc is free,
01:19and they are no longer searching for Monsieur Alphonse.
01:21So, for the time being, we are at liberty to make as much money out of this war as we can.
01:25I will drink to that.
01:27René, Michel wants you in the back room.
01:30Oh, I can't. I knew it could not last.
01:34Michel, what are you doing in these dirty old overalls?
01:42The Germans seek me everywhere.
01:44I'm disguised as a builder.
01:46Should they find me here, I will say that I am repairing your window.
01:50But it is not broken.
01:57Listen very carefully.
02:00When we stole from the Germans the landmines in which the British Airmen are to escape,
02:04we had to remove 1,000 kilos of high explosive.
02:08You are probably wondering what has happened to this explosive.
02:11To tell you the truth, I never gave it a thought.
02:15Then I will tell you now.
02:16It is hidden in a pudding factory.
02:19Oh, what a good hiding place.
02:22Unfortunately, we have secret information
02:24that this factory is to be commandeered by the Germans
02:27for the manufacture of frozen strudel,
02:30which is to be sent in food parcels to the Russian front.
02:34We will pass this secret information out to the English tonight on the radio.
02:38We must not let this explosive fall into German hands.
02:41We have therefore arranged for it to be delivered to your café.
02:45Now, listen.
02:46Where am I supposed to hide 1,000 kilos of high explosive?
02:49If the Germans find even one kilo, I will be shot.
02:52Do not worry.
02:53It will be disguised as a product of the factory.
02:56What, high explosive strudel?
02:59Do you think we are fools?
03:01We know you do not have a big enough refrigerator.
03:03Then how will you disguise it?
03:09It will be disguised as 500 Christmas puddings.
03:13Are you out of your mind?
03:15If I am questioned, what reason am I supposed to give
03:17for having 500 Christmas puddings in my café?
03:20You can say you have cornered the market.
03:24Your ideas get wilder and wilder.
03:26I will not do it, and that is final.
03:29What is the matter with you?
03:31All you have to do is sit in your comfortable café
03:33and look after a few poultry Christmas puddings?
03:37Or would you like to be a 24-hour emergency plumber
03:40with putty under your fingernails,
03:42burning your hands on a blow lamp,
03:44drinking tea from an old paint kettle,
03:46sitting on a pile of bricks eating a doorstep sandwich
03:49with a 12-inch spanner in your back pocket?
03:52Oh, when is the first delivery?
03:56Whitney, Michel Alphonse is on the phone.
03:58He will be here in one hour to discuss a problem.
04:01Oh, more headaches.
04:11Thank you, Gruber.
04:13These army boots have been playing hell with my bunions.
04:17Do you think, Colonel, that you and I were not cut out
04:20for the military life?
04:22Between you and me, Gruber,
04:24I pray every night that Hitler doesn't invade England.
04:28That damn British weather
04:30would be fatal for me with my rheumatism.
04:33Then the food.
04:35Before the war, I was one month in a small hotel in Croydon.
04:41What about Manchester?
04:43They eat faggots for breakfast.
04:44It's a barbarous country.
04:49When the Romans put up with it for a thousand years.
04:53Colonel, General von Klinkerhofen is outside.
04:57Von Klinkerhofen?
04:59Don't let him in.
05:01Give her.
05:03Hide the bowl.
05:04Hide the bowl.
05:05Hide the bowl.
05:06Hide the bowl.
05:08Hide the bowl.
05:13Colonel, your feet.
05:14Oh, my.
05:15My boots.
05:17Heck, keep him talking.
05:20General von Klinkerhofen.
05:23General von Klinkerhofen.
05:28Heil Hitler.
05:30Heil Hitler.
05:32Where is the colonel?
05:34The colony?
05:36Colonel von Strom.
05:37Oh.
05:39He went for a stroll.
05:41A stroll?
05:43There.
05:45Behind the curtains.
05:46What are you doing?
05:47Keep fit exercises, General.
05:48I'm preparing myself for the invasion.
05:49Why are you not wearing boots?
05:51I'm toughening up my feet for the pebbles on the British beaches.
05:53I will make sure you have another first to land.
05:55See an old man like you tottering up to the barboire.
05:57Will set a good example to the less seasoned troops.
05:59It's a big business.
06:00We have a serious problem.
06:02I don't know.
06:03It's a big problem.
06:06You know, what are you doing?
06:08What are you doing?
06:10Keep fit exercises, General.
06:11I'm preparing myself for the invasion.
06:14Why are you not wearing boots?
06:16I'm toughening up my feet for the pebbles on the British beaches.
06:18I will make sure you have another first to land.
06:20See an old man like you tottering up to the barboire
06:22Will set a good example to the less seasoned troops.
06:24We have a serious problem.
06:28It has come to the ears of the Fuhrer
06:30that two of the latest Mark VI landmines
06:32are missing from this district.
06:34He has, of course, flown into one of his familiar rages.
06:38Has he eaten the carpet?
06:41No, but he's done a lot of no good
06:42to a reproduction of the bare tapestry.
06:45Do you think he has a screw loose?
06:48In my opinion, a whole Meccano set has fallen apart.
06:51But it is just between ourselves.
06:55Now, what steps have been taken
06:56to recover the stolen articles?
06:58We have informed Herr Flick of the Gestapo
07:00undercover work is their responsibility.
07:03This is not good enough!
07:06We will take control of this operation personally.
07:09This is your district.
07:10You're the commander. You're in charge.
07:12This whole disgraceful affair
07:14must be resolved without any delay.
07:16Otherwise, someone will find themselves
07:19in very hot water.
07:21Yes, Mein Fuhrer.
07:32No, Mein Fuhrer.
07:34Of course, Mein Fuhrer.
07:36I understand, Mein Fuhrer.
07:38I am very grateful to you, Mein Fuhrer.
07:40Goodbye, Mein Fuhrer.
07:43Was that the Fuhrer?
07:44No, it was my mother.
07:48She was checking to see if my underwear,
07:50which she has knitted for me,
07:51is a snug fit.
07:52And is it?
07:54Mind your own business.
07:56Now, I have here an important dispatch.
07:59Berlin expects the Gestapo
08:01to find the missing landmines.
08:03We are just the boys for the job.
08:05It is my opinion
08:07that much of the subversive activity
08:09in Nouvien
08:10is conducted at René's Café.
08:13Gestapo spies tell me
08:14that there are frequent meetings
08:16in the Lada.
08:17I do not remember mentioning this.
08:19You are not the only sneaky pebble
08:21on the beach.
08:23We must find the position
08:25from which we can observe
08:26these goings-on in the Lada.
08:28Here is a map.
08:35Here is the Lada window.
08:37Here, opposite,
08:38is an observation point.
08:40The church tower!
08:41Correct.
08:43Twelve feet from the ground
08:44are two small,
08:45unobtrusive openings.
08:47From these,
08:47we can see directly
08:48into the Lada
08:49and the windows above.
08:51Oh, you are a marvel here, Flick.
08:53You will go a long way
08:54with your brain.
08:56And you will go nowhere
08:57but it's yours.
09:10René,
09:11Monsieur Alphonse
09:11has stopped outside
09:12with his urs.
09:13Oh, I wish he would not do this.
09:15Mama takes on so.
09:18Monsieur René,
09:20quick,
09:21a cognac.
09:21Of course.
09:23You will not
09:23that my hands are trembling
09:25and my moustache is twitching.
09:27Now, get that down, you.
09:29Now, what has happened?
09:31Well,
09:31I was travelling through the town
09:33when a coffin fell off my urs.
09:37I died a thousand deaths.
09:39What a terrible thing
09:41to happen to an undertaker
09:42of your reputation
09:43and standing.
09:44Oh, it is, Madame.
09:46Especially when the coffin
09:47contains
09:4858
09:50exploding
09:51Christmas puddings.
09:56Oh, my God.
09:57Well, do not leave it
09:58outside my cafe.
09:59Thank you, Monsieur.
10:01I do not intend to.
10:06Mama!
10:06What are you doing?
10:08Oh, it is a fine, sunny morning
10:12and I am full of joy.
10:14Also, I am fed up waiting
10:17for the results of the test
10:18made by that doctor.
10:21So, I thought I would take...
10:22I am not having that thing in here.
10:33I have instructions
10:35from Michelle of the Resistance.
10:37She said,
10:38no matter what opposition I encounter,
10:41that goes down your back passage.
10:45Into the cellar.
10:47Buddy,
10:47there are some Germans approaching.
10:49Go away.
10:50Quick, take it through.
10:51Thank you, Monsieur.
10:51Quick, quick.
10:52Go quickly.
10:53Go, quick.
10:53Come on, hurry.
10:56Oh.
10:57What about the other five?
10:59Other five what?
11:00The other five coffins.
11:03With 290 exploding
11:05Christmas puddings.
11:06Oh, no, no.
11:07You are not bringing them in here.
11:09No, say there has been a plague.
11:10Go and bury them somewhere.
11:11I cannot bury anything
11:13without a certificate.
11:14Well, get Michelle
11:16to shoot some Germans.
11:17Use your imagination,
11:18but they are not coming in here.
11:19Shoot some Germans.
11:34Go away.
11:40Tell Sir Doctor
11:41i want a second opinion quick before she hitch one of the coffins
11:59there are you i am behind the screen with von smallhausen
12:05leave an inquire to what you are up we have removed our clothes in order to follow the
12:10fĂŒhrer's instructions i see what exactly did he tell you to do we have disguised ourselves in order
12:18to merge into an ecclesiastical background
12:26crumbs what a stunning disguise if i may say so the homemade open toe sandals are particularly
12:32effective i have been told that i have very virile feet
12:36why have you hanging from your head a halo it was part of the set remove it
12:56helga here are your instructions you will bring to the church tower coffee and sandwiches to sustain
13:02us during our vigil what will you be doing in the church tower snooping
13:09i must say i find the links to which you will go to achieve your ends most exciting this is
13:14understandable may i kiss you no the rules of the order to which i belong forbid the kissing of girls
13:23do they forbid anything else yes monks under five foot three are not permitted to speak
13:35may i ask a question
13:40winnie make the announcement it is time for me to sing how quickly it comes round
13:47ladies and gentlemen it is cabaret time at cafe renais and here as you might expect is your own your
13:57very own nightingale of nuvian madame edie
14:04thank you for that warm welcome
14:06today i would like to sing for you one of my favorites and i hope one of yours boom why did my
14:13art go boom thank you with all these exploding christmas puddings in the cellar i wish you would not
14:19sing this
14:34boom
14:35if you've cleared the room
14:37do not blame yourself you did not have the right pianist you are right
14:52oh i must lie down where were my smelling salts we have run out madame edie's stuff a mothball
15:12up each nostril and breathe
15:13we are alone at last oh hold me tightly if those puddings in the cellar should explode
15:28i want to be in your arms of course it is a long time since we were out together
15:36good morning
15:37oh i see you are having a curse and a kiddle
15:43i will turn a blonde eye what is it that you want
15:49i have for you two ex-pleeding christmas puddings
15:54i suppose they are down your trousers as usual do not be redoculous
15:58mind the hilly it is very broccoli
16:10and do not drip them otherwise they will go off bong
16:15what am i supposed to do with these
16:18we could say we are members of a pudding club
16:20do not mention my name in connection with it
16:26i must go about my bosness i will use the back we
16:35renee
16:37look out the wife is coming
16:40oh renee the mothballs did the trick i am feeling quite calm again
16:46renee there was a girl outside who demands to see you without delay
16:51what does she want she says it is a private matter that only concerns renee
16:57renee what is going on i have no idea edith
17:05i am glad you are open i did not want to leave this on your doorstep
17:09i have never seen this girl before in my life why i am not the only one how many are there
17:21six more girls are outside
17:30and there is a busload coming at seven o'clock
17:32i must put up my nose ma i must burn
17:40what have you been doing this has nothing to do with me
17:44two exploding christmas puddings
17:49christmas puddings
17:59what do you say fairfax i really think i'm getting the hang of this
18:10there's only one problem
18:12after six hours cooped up in there the old legs won't straighten up
18:16i know mine are the same
18:19is everything tickety-boo chaps well
18:22we've managed to unscrew our nuts in 12 seconds
18:25that means 10 seconds to put on the parachute and pull the thing
18:30good show you're leaving tonight oh wizard
18:34where are the germans actually going to drop the landmines
18:37well we can't be sure but they're bombing london all the time
18:41if they drop her the wimbledon fairfax you could hail a cab and be home for supper
18:47this is the general plan we will screw you down into these things and then under cover of darkness
18:52you will be loaded onto a lorry and transported to a warehouse
18:56from there you will be hung under a german bonger and then off you go
19:01what happens if if the weather's bad and they don't go for a few days
19:04our people will pop in from time to time and give you sandwiches and cookies
19:09sounds a bit harebrained on the other hand it'll make a jolly good chapter in my book
19:21are they still here i thought they would be gone by now they are leaving tonight meanwhile you must
19:27add them in your cellar it is full of your exploding christmas puddings what are they
19:32talking about i don't understand the language i'm afraid we're talking about exploding christmas
19:37puddings ask a silly question and you get a silly answer look michelle once and for all i want no part
19:43of this would you prefer a bullet in your back oh very well come along chaps keep calm and do your best
19:53to look like french peasants roger
20:11why are you shivering once smallhausen these habits are very drafty heathlich you should have worn long
20:18winter underpants the gestapo handbook on church customs says that monks do not wear underwear
20:26have you found a ladder no her flick nothing that would reach those little windows up there
20:31you incompetent monk but we will not be thwarted let us put on our magnifying heads
20:46wait while i adjust mine to my weak right eye
20:55we will claim these ropes
20:58let us
21:08Can you see anything?
21:30Not for long!
21:38Herr Flick! Is that you up there in the darkness of the Belfry?
21:46I am suspended by the clappers!
21:53The risks you take for the fatherland.
21:57Climb out onto the beam, Herr Flick!
22:00The rope is entangled!
22:04Give it a little jerk!
22:07Hans Mollhausen, are you in there?
22:25Speak to me!
22:28No!
22:29No!
22:30No!
22:31No!
22:32No!
22:33No!
22:39Sorry.
22:41No!
22:43No!
22:45No!
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