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Tv, Allo Allo S2E07 — The Gateau from the Chateau
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00:00You see in me a very happy man.
00:30That balloon contains the two British airmen who have been hiding in my cafe.
00:36A favorable wind is, even now, wafting them gently back to England.
00:43And now that they have gone, the resistance cannot blackmail me into hiding them.
00:47And the Germans cannot shoot me for the same reason.
00:51All that I have to do now is to get my wife's mother, who is in a coffin in that earth,
00:57back home and into her own bed.
01:01I can then get back to making as much money as possible out of the Germans.
01:08Oh, René, you are hero of resistance.
01:12The old village will be talking about you.
01:16I was just doing my duty for France.
01:18Oh, René, you must hurry back.
01:22Get on the radio to London and tell them the balloon is on its way.
01:31Oh, Edith!
01:33Oh, Maria!
01:35Oh, will nobody come to my assistance?
01:39What is the better, Mama?
01:43Oh, Edith!
01:45How much longer have I to wait to go to the bathroom?
01:53Shooting has been reported from behind the woods.
01:55It will be the army on their manoeuvres.
01:57Let us get back while they are busy playing at soldiers.
02:00Shut up!
02:11Hans!
02:12What is that shooting?
02:14What is coming from down the road?
02:16Quick!
02:29Keep shooting!
02:30That balloon must be brought down!
02:36Keep pumping the blow lamps, Carstairs!
02:39They can probably see the light.
02:42Shouldn't we turn them out?
02:44If we do that, we'll come down, you ass!
02:47Oh, yes!
02:48I hadn't thought of that!
02:56General von Kinkerhofen, what is happening?
02:59That balloon, it must be brought down!
03:01Fire at it!
03:14You in there!
03:15Lieutenant Ruma!
03:17Really?
03:17You can't get that balloon!
03:19Yes, General, but I think I ought to explain to you...
03:22Do not argue fire!
03:25Fire!
03:26Fire!
03:27Fire!
03:36Fire!
03:36Fire!
03:37Fire!
03:37Fire!
03:37Fire!
03:37Fire!
03:38Fire!
03:38Fire!
03:39Fire!
03:39Fire!
03:40Fire!
03:41Why are you not hitting it?
03:43Because my little shells are blank.
03:46Why are you shooting with blanks?
03:48You have a further manoeuvres.
03:49You took all I had.
03:51I've surrounded my idiots.
03:54Heads will roll for this.
04:06That was a bit close.
04:08Do you think we ought to surrender?
04:09Good idea.
04:11We surrender!
04:14I don't think they're in the right mood for a chance.
04:16Keep pumping.
04:17We might gain a bit of light.
04:23I'm stiff with a toad.
04:27Into bed, Mama.
04:29And I will bring you a nice hot water bottle.
04:32You can fill it with gin.
04:35You shall have a gin, Mama.
04:37Now that the airmen have gone, we can all return to normal.
04:41Quick, the bed.
04:43Oh, these flashing bed-knocks never cease.
04:48Why cannot you put the radio somewhere else?
04:52Shut up.
04:52But we are not expecting a message from London.
04:55Perhaps they have heard of my exploits.
04:57Maybe it is General de Gaulle calling to give me a medal.
05:00Hello, hello, are you receiving me?
05:03Over.
05:04Hello, hello.
05:05This is Nighthawk receiving you loud and clear.
05:08Put the general on the line, will you?
05:11We have an urgent message.
05:12Red Riding Hood must not go to the woods.
05:15Get the code book.
05:16Look it up.
05:17Red Riding Hood must not go to the woods.
05:19All right, all right.
05:20We've heard you.
05:22What does it mean?
05:23Do not release the airmen.
05:26Oh, heck.
05:27Allo, allo.
05:28Red Riding Hood has already gone to the woods.
05:31Any minute now, she will be knocking on the cottage door.
05:34The wind is giving us problems.
05:38Also, it is giving me a problem.
05:42Shut up, you old ratbag.
05:44It is too late.
05:45There is nothing we can do.
05:47The airmen have gone, and I am glad to see the back of them.
05:49Over and out.
05:51I think we should all say a little prayer for the airmen.
05:57Come.
06:00Dear Lord,
06:00Please give to the British airmen a safe landing, wherever they may be.
06:06Amen.
06:15Help!
06:17Help!
06:18Help!
06:19John.
06:24When General from Klinkerhofen arrives, let us know immediately.
06:27We must not keep him waiting.
06:28We do not want to make him cross.
06:30Yes, Colonel.
06:33Now, remember, Hans.
06:34We know nothing about what has been going on.
06:37You understand?
06:38Perfectly.
06:39What has been going on?
06:41We've been stealing priceless paintings.
06:44We pinched that clock.
06:46The oldest cuckoo clock in existence.
06:49Then there was the blowing up of the railway line.
06:51Helping British airmen to escape.
06:54All these things can affect our careers very badly.
06:57I will say that I know nothing of these things that you have done.
07:02You have done them, too.
07:03I was obeying orders.
07:05Your orders.
07:06You always use that as an excuse.
07:08What happened to the cuckoo clock?
07:10Ah, I was very clever about that.
07:14I expect you think I had that bust made of myself out of vanity.
07:19Oh, well, it did cross my mind, yes.
07:20And then I thought it was so lifelike that it could not be vanity.
07:24Hans, that bust conceals the priceless cuckoo clock,
07:29which I will sell after the war.
07:31Oh, I wondered why there was a key in your ear hole.
07:36Will it still work after all this time in your concrete head?
07:40The mechanism is in perfect order.
07:50Hans, you fool!
07:52What have you done?
07:54You're right.
07:55It does work.
07:56It is ticking.
07:57If von Klinkerhofen hears my head ticking,
08:00he will think I am a bomb.
08:02General von Klinkerhofen is here.
08:05Who?
08:07Oh, no.
08:08Do something.
08:10Do something.
08:10Do something.
08:11Do something.
08:11Do something.
08:13I will shut it up.
08:25Put it back on the desk.
08:27Tell the general to come in.
08:31Show the general in.
08:37General Eric von Klinkerhofen.
08:43Heil Hitler!
08:44Heil Hitler!
08:45Klopp!
08:46Why do you keep me waiting?
08:48My assistant was making sure the office was tidy, general.
08:51The colonel's head had fallen down.
08:54I see.
08:58I take it this was done before the plastic surgery.
09:03Herr Otto Flick, officer of the Gestapo.
09:10I believe you requested my presence.
09:13I did not.
09:14I sent for you.
09:15He sent it.
09:23It has come to my attention that there is much resistance activity in this area.
09:28I am, therefore, taking personal command of the district.
09:31That's very good news, general.
09:33We are quite chuffed.
09:35Price and perks of art have been stolen.
09:38Railway lines and staff cars have been blown up.
09:40Unauthorized balloons have been observed.
09:46An armored car has been stolen.
09:50All these incidents serve to encourage other resistance groups in other areas.
09:54They think they can defy us with impunity.
09:57It must stop.
09:58We quite agree, general.
09:59It is not good enough.
10:02We have tried to be kind.
10:03They do not appreciate it.
10:05It does not work.
10:08Very little information regarding these unruly elements have been received from our intelligence sources.
10:15In other districts, good leads have been obtained from places to which the people have free access,
10:20such as bars, restaurants, cafes.
10:22First of all, amorous liaisons with local women pay good dividends.
10:29We have tried this, general.
10:31Time and time again.
10:32The waitresses in the cafe.
10:34Did you learn anything new?
10:36What are two things?
10:38I don't think they're really important.
10:40I'm not surprised.
10:42The senior posts in the underground movement are usually held by older women.
10:46Is this not so, Herr Flick?
10:47Agreed.
10:48There is, in fact, an older woman in the cafe the colonel is referring to.
10:54I have for a long time had my suspicions about her.
10:58Then an officer must be found who is attracted to older women,
11:01who can worm his way into their confidence.
11:04I think you have a suggestion, Herr Flick.
11:06My investigations reveal that Colonel Von Strom is such a person.
11:13If I say so, you are mistaken, Herr Flick.
11:16His previous successes with senior women include
11:19a lady hairstylist in Amiens.
11:23Not Claudette's mother.
11:26It was early closing day.
11:28And it was rainy.
11:29He brought a cinema usherette.
11:31The regal?
11:32The Roxy.
11:33Oh.
11:34Was that the one with the ice cream tree?
11:40From the canals, a lady barge, Captain.
11:43Oh, the big one with the flat bottom.
11:47The little one with a big funnel.
11:51There seems no doubt you are the ideal agent for this operation.
11:54You will therefore at once pay attention to this lady
11:56and, if possible, make her your mistress.
12:00General, how can I put it?
12:02I don't fancy her.
12:05Colonel, how can I put it?
12:07How do you fancy the Russian front?
12:09She's a good cook.
12:12I'd forgotten that.
12:15Let it be done.
12:18Heil Hitler!
12:20Heil Hitler!
12:20Klop!
12:33Yvette, what are you doing?
12:35I was trying to get one in the top pocket
12:37and at the same time screw down the table.
12:40Why did you not wait for me?
12:42Hey, kiss me.
12:45Oh, Yvette, we must be careful.
12:47My wife has ears like a bat.
12:50She might be suspicious
12:51if she does not hear the sound of a game going on.
12:54While you kiss me,
12:55I will make the balls go click in the pocket.
13:01Oh, no!
13:02What are you doing on the billiard table?
13:12You stupid woman!
13:14It's quite obvious what we were doing on the billiard table.
13:17A bulb was on the blinker.
13:19Yvette was trying to screw it in tighter.
13:22Then why has she not done so?
13:24Because it was too hot.
13:25I was lying there waiting for it to cool down.
13:27Cool down?
13:28Oh, no!
13:29If you wanted it to cool down,
13:30why did you not switch off the light?
13:32Well, me alone in the dark
13:35with one of our serving girls.
13:37What kind of a man do you think I am?
13:40René, always so considerate.
13:44René!
13:46Michel is here for more resistance.
13:48Oh, heck!
13:51Are we alone?
13:52I am never alone.
13:55Did you manage to hide the airmen in a safe place?
13:57I have concealed them where no one will find them.
14:01Si.
14:02Hello!
14:03Hello!
14:04Hello!
14:05Hello!
14:06Sorry the balloon thing didn't work out, chaps,
14:07but don't think we've forgotten you.
14:08Oh, good show!
14:09Bye-bye for now!
14:11Listen very carefully.
14:12I shall see this only once.
14:13General von Klinkerhofen has taken personal charge of the district.
14:19He is a ruthless beast without mercy or compassion.
14:23We cannot operate under his cruel tyranny.
14:25Well, we have had a good run for our money.
14:26I was glad I was able to help.
14:27We will hand over the English to the Germans, you can go back to your job at the post office,
14:32and I can get on with running my café.
14:33You do not understand.
14:34We cannot operate under such a ruthless fiend.
14:35So we must kill him.
14:36But he is guarded day and night at the chateau.
14:37René, you could take him some food.
14:38And round your waist you could strut dynamite.
14:39And then, when you got near enough, you could light the fuse, and whoops!
14:40Then he is gone and you could use it.
14:41He is gone, and you could use it.
14:42He is gone!
14:43He is gone!
14:44And you could use it!
14:45I am glad I was able to help!
14:46We will hand over the English to the Germans.
14:47We will hand over the English to the Germans.
14:48We will hand over the English to the Germans.
14:49You can go back to your job at the post office, and I can get on with running my café.
14:50You do not understand.
14:51We cannot operate under such a ruthless fiend.
14:52So we must kill him.
14:53But he is guarded day and night at the chateau!
14:54René, you could take him some food.
14:55And round your waist you could strut dynamite.
14:58And then, when you got near enough, you could light the fuse, and whoops!
15:05He would be gone, and you would be buried as a great hero of the resistance.
15:11First, you would have to scrape me off the walls.
15:14We would only do this as our last resort.
15:17Oh, that is a great relief, I am sure.
15:19But a burn or a booby trap of some nature may be the answer.
15:23We have the explosives.
15:25We must stay alert.
15:27When the right moment comes, we will strike.
15:32Good!
15:33Come, girls!
15:36What is the biggest breath you've had on this table?
15:39Just now, when my wife swallowed that story about the light bulb.
15:50Colonel, I...
15:52Who's it gone?
15:54I have the flowers you ordered for Madame Edith.
15:56On the desk with them, Hans.
15:57My hair is getting very thin on top.
15:59It's all this very...
16:01I've combed it across.
16:02There's a bit on the other side you could use.
16:03We must get rid of the general.
16:04I agree.
16:05If he finds out all the things you have been up to, you are for the high jump.
16:12You are in it as deep as I am.
16:14So far, he's only discovered the tip of the iceberg.
16:15You haven't stolen a whole iceberg, have you?
16:16Yes.
16:17The longer he is here, the more we are in danger.
16:19He must be eliminated.
16:20Need either a bomb, bullet or poison.
16:21Oh.
16:22I've never seen you like this before, Colonel.
16:23Mind you, you did go mad the other day when you accidentally put salt on your strudel.
16:26Something in his food.
16:27You have it, Hans.
16:28What we need is a good, you're free.
16:29Oh.
16:30We need a good if you are in the internet.
16:31Thank you, sir.
16:32You exclaimed arse, sir.
16:33Oh.
16:34You take it.
16:35And then seriously, it's done with him for sure.
16:36Yes, sir.
16:37I have as much more présents.
16:38And as much as I can see, when you have smoked cactus and evnen.
16:39I have a DRX할use.
16:40Dave, Сейчас isn't it.
16:41How the winter happens.
16:42Argh, what Bree workload score is not counting matters.
16:55He'll die, with the signilla, built...
16:57a good, strong, reliable vehicular made arsenic.
17:02Where are you going to get this?
17:04You will get it today.
17:05Where from?
17:06At the chemist.
17:07Oh, Colonel, you know how I hate going for things from the chemist.
17:12Besides, it is closing today.
17:14Shoot the lock off, kick the door in, take an axe.
17:18You are a German officer, Hans.
17:21Behave like one.
17:23Yes, Colonel.
17:24Don't come back with a comb like last time.
17:32Yvette, take this jug into Airflick, will you?
17:36But it is only a fool.
17:38I will top it up.
17:39Not this.
17:40Oh, these Germans, they have no nose for wine.
17:50Your wine, Airflick.
17:51Pour it.
17:54It looks very pale.
17:57Ah.
17:58This summer, there were many clouds.
18:04For some reason, it is bringing on my hay fever.
18:13You are very quiet tonight, Airflick.
18:15I am thinking dark thoughts.
18:18I find you very exciting when you are thinking dark thoughts.
18:23It seems you get excited at everything, Helga.
18:27Am I permitted to know what you are thinking?
18:30I am thinking about General von Klinkerhofen.
18:34He has interfered with Gestapo affairs.
18:36He must be made to pay the penalty.
18:39What is the penalty?
18:41Death.
18:43Airflick.
18:44You wouldn't.
18:45Oh, yes, I would.
18:47Oh, no, you wouldn't.
18:49Oh, yes, I would.
18:51Already, I have selected a method.
18:55You are probably not acquainted with the Qatari tribe of Western Borneo.
19:00No, I have not had the pleasure.
19:05This is the Qatari death pipe.
19:08Haven't they got big ones?
19:12In this end, we insert this small dart.
19:14The tip of which is impregnated with the deadly extract of a rare and almost extinct beetle.
19:23The smallest puncture results in violent convulsions and death within 10 seconds,
19:31unless the victim receives the antidote.
19:35This is the antidote.
19:38The venom is almost undetectable.
19:40Heflick, will not the general suspicions be aroused when you take the pipe from the cane and point it at him,
19:48as you're doing at me, and would you mind pointing it the other way?
19:52The Gestapo have thought of this.
19:55Instead of this pipe, you will use this specially adapted cigarette holder,
20:01which fits the dart perfectly
20:04and is effective at three meters.
20:10Heflick, surely you are not expecting me to carry out such a cold-blooded action?
20:15It is for us, Helga.
20:17You and I.
20:19If von Klinkerhofen has me recalled to Berlin,
20:22I could not live without you.
20:24Heflick, this is terrible.
20:26How long do I have to think about it?
20:28Three seconds.
20:29I'll do it.
20:30If you could only care for me, as I could care for you.
20:50Honey, you're eavesdropping.
20:53These Germans, they are terrible people.
20:57What have you heard?
20:59Von Klinkerhofen is about to be rubbed out.
21:02Rubbed out? How?
21:04Poof, with a cigarette holder.
21:06Why he plays the piano so beautifully.
21:10Not him.
21:12Helga.
21:14Anyway, the less we know, the better.
21:15Hans, have you got the weed killer?
21:19Even better.
21:21The chemist gave me a pill containing all his best poisons.
21:25You take it with a glass of wine.
21:27One drink and...
21:29All is quiet on the best in front.
21:31Are you sure it will work?
21:32Yes, I told him it was for you.
21:35Give it to me.
21:37I will keep it till we need it.
21:39Yes.
21:40Well, I will keep it till we need it.
21:42Yes.
21:44Well...
21:46How is the big romance with Madame Edith going?
21:49Have you loosed upon her your irresistible charm?
21:54Yes and no.
21:56I have given her the flowers.
21:57Oh, well, that's a good start.
21:59I told her they were from you.
22:01Oh, wow!
22:03Hans, I am a colonel, you are a captain.
22:07I give the orders.
22:08I have decided that you will woo Madame Edith.
22:13Oh.
22:15Anyway, you do it better than I do.
22:17Those girls have been gossiping.
22:21You couldn't care for me
22:25as I could care for you.
22:32She stopped.
22:33Applaud.
22:35Bravo!
22:39The incomparable Mademoiselle Edith.
22:42Come and sit next to the captain.
22:47Champagne for the handsome captain
22:50and the beautiful singer.
22:52Oh.
22:54The colonel is drunk early this evening.
22:57Say something complimentary.
22:59There is not another singer like you in the whole world.
23:03I hope I'll give you a kiss.
23:06Oh, lucky me.
23:08Oh!
23:10Oh!
23:12I'm all steamed up.
23:14Without your glasses, you're even more attractive.
23:17So are you.
23:18What sort of champagne would you like to buy me?
23:27The most expensive?
23:29Treat yourself, Hans.
23:31You're going to deserve it.
23:33I will go and get it for you myself.
23:37Personally.
23:41Who's paying for this champagne?
23:43Get a receipt.
23:44We will charge it to von Klingerhofen.
23:48You're doing very well, Hans.
23:50I think she likes you.
23:52Play your cards right
23:54and you'll be upstairs before the bottle's finished.
23:57Make it a magnum!
24:01He has a naughty look in his eye.
24:03I think he is out of my favours.
24:05Yes, well, when you hand them out,
24:07remember that we need paraffin,
24:09butter, sugar and salted, and sugar.
24:11Beverly,
24:15will you not be a little jealous
24:16if I take him upstairs?
24:18Oh, yes.
24:19I shall weep copious tears
24:20and bang my head against the wall,
24:22but this is war.
24:25And we also need chocolate and cigarettes.
24:28Cork tipped.
24:29The others make me cough.
24:31Ah!
24:32Champagne for the captain!
24:34Oh!
24:35I am so glad that at last
24:36it has all come out into the open.
24:38The captain has for a long time admired Madame Elis.
24:43Oh!
24:44As we lie in our little bunks at night,
24:46he murmurs her name.
24:48I, uh, I even called my old bicycle after you.
24:52I don't mind the captain is.
24:55Perhaps you should take her upstairs.
24:57Certainly.
24:58I am not like those girls behind the bar
25:01who go upstairs for a few litres of paraffin.
25:04Hmm.
25:05I'm very glad to hear it.
25:07No, she wants eight gallons.
25:10And butter, slightly salted,
25:11sugar, chocolate and cork tipsy.
25:13Look, Edith,
25:14why don't you take this pencil and paper?
25:16In case you think of something else on the way up.
25:18Quiet!
25:19How dare you!
25:20The captain does not want to be rushed.
25:22Perhaps after we've had a little more wine
25:24and I have sung you a few more songs.
25:26No, the captain is much keener than that.
25:30May I join this party?
25:32I too have something to celebrate.
25:34I have been appointed ADC
25:36to General von Klinkhofen.
25:39Congratulations, Lieutenant Gruber.
25:43Hubert.
25:45He has given me a nice room
25:46at the back of the chateau.
25:48Very private.
25:49You must come up and see it sometime.
25:54I cannot wait.
25:57So you will be working for the general.
26:00Does that mean you will be in charge of the wine?
26:03My first duty is to organise a banquet at the chateau
26:07to celebrate the birthday of the Kaiser.
26:10The general is related and rather proud of it.
26:13Between you and me, he's a bit of a snob, you know.
26:15You and your staff are invited, Colonel.
26:17A party.
26:19I love a party.
26:22Will there be plenty of wine?
26:23Of course. Oodles.
26:25There will be a boar's head with apple in the mouth,
26:28chickens and things,
26:29and of course the traditional Black Forest ghetto
26:32with the candles.
26:34I can cook this for you.
26:36And Rene can serve it.
26:37Can you not, Rene?
26:39Well, I...
26:40He could stand behind the German general all night
26:43until he was allowed to go off.
26:45Eat it.
26:48I expect a general would prefer outside caterers
26:51and his own staff.
26:53On the contrary.
26:54The people in the town seem reluctant to cooperate.
26:57The boy in the cake shop was most offhand.
27:00I was about to ask if you could do it.
27:03Of course we could.
27:04And if Rene has a little too much to drink,
27:06he could stay the night.
27:08I have large chambers.
27:10You think of everything, Lafayette.
27:13Bread!
27:15Bread nerves of bread.
27:17Oh, my God.
27:18Excuse me.
27:19I am an old bread seller.
27:21Bread who will buy my bread.
27:22I vibrate.
27:23I have big ones.
27:25Small ones.
27:26Some as big as your head.
27:28Give them a chance to...
27:29Shut up!
27:31Ah, ah, patron.
27:35You are ready, Artois?
27:37I am.
27:39It is I.
27:40Declare.
27:44Amazing.
27:46I have come from resistance.
27:49Michelle says you are to take these small ones.
27:54All of them.
27:55Inside is each a stick of dynamite.
27:59To blow up the general.
28:01Thank you, bread seller.
28:04You think I am going to strap those to myself and blow myself up?
28:06Then you are sadly...
28:07No, no, no, no, no, no.
28:09Your wife is to make a black forest gâteau for the château.
28:14A gâteau for the château?
28:17In the gâteau you will put the dynamite.
28:20On top of the gâteau, see.
28:23These candles.
28:25One of those is the fuse.
28:27Uh-huh.
28:28Which one?
28:30Ah, see.
28:31This one.
28:32It has a little lump on the inside there, like a handle.
28:36Ah.
28:37The candle with the handle.
28:39Good luck.
28:40And vive la France.
28:42Vive de Gaulle.
28:44Who?
28:46You know, the tall one with the big ooter.
28:49Vive Emmanuel.
28:51Bread.
28:53Who will buy my bread?
28:55Loaves of bread.
28:58Bread.
28:59Everything on the list will be delivered tomorrow morning.
29:10Oh, Edith. I will never forget you for this.
29:13I will send Maria up to the room with the warming pan to warm the bed.
29:16Er, there is no need.
29:18The captain has gone home.
29:20He had an headache.
29:28Now, place upon it the top half.
29:33Good.
29:34Now, we must place in the center the candle with the fuse.
29:39These will burn for ten seconds, activate the detonator, which will then explode the dynamite.
29:44Ah.
29:45Will it be a big bang?
29:47The dining room of the chateau will be demolished.
29:50There will be ghetto and medals everywhere.
29:53The old clinker often will be no more.
29:56Michelle, I have been thinking.
29:58Could we not just drop a little hint to the colonel and the captain?
30:02I know they are Germans, but they are very good customers.
30:05The captain gave me flowers.
30:08They are the enemy.
30:10This is war.
30:12They are without mercy.
30:13We must kill them.
30:16Henriette, take the trolley with the hamper.
30:20Er, the chickens are in the hamper's.
30:23Take that and the ghetto to the chateau.
30:26Here, give them this bill and tell them it is cash on delivery.
30:30Service is included.
30:32What do I do then?
30:34Come back here with the money and run the first hundred yards.
30:37What is it?
30:42How much longer do you expect your poor old mother to live in the larder?
30:48Because just in your room is repaired.
30:51What have you done with the gargonzola?
30:54I could not stand the smell.
30:57So I ate it.
30:59I ate it.
31:06Haven't you got through yet?
31:07There's a war on.
31:09Quite a chatty operator though.
31:11She says cigarettes have gone up to ninepence.
31:13How about going home?
31:15Hello?
31:17Hello, Mummy.
31:19It's Gavin.
31:21Good Lord.
31:23Are you in a phone box at the station?
31:25No.
31:26I'm in France.
31:28I can't talk any louder.
31:29There are jerrys everywhere.
31:31Jerrys everywhere?
31:32Are you in hospital?
31:34No, I'm with Bumbly Carstairs.
31:38Hello.
31:40That's him.
31:41We're doing a bit of decorating.
31:43Nigel.
31:45It's Gavin.
31:47He's in France with Bumbly doing some decorating.
31:50How are you getting on?
31:52Oh, it's absolute hell.
31:54We're having a bridge party this evening and Cook's been called up.
31:59Never mind. Soldier on.
32:02Darling, do give us your address and Daddy will try and get you out.
32:08He can't do that, Mummy.
32:10Don't be silly, darling.
32:12He's very friendly with the Duke of Windsor.
32:15I mean, I can't give you our address.
32:19Someone might be listening.
32:21Your time is up.
32:22Will you pay for a further three minutes?
32:24Mummy, could I reverse the charges just this once?
32:31Damn, they cut us off.
32:33You never asked who won the boat race.
32:35Damn.
32:37I knew we called about something.
32:44It seems very quiet without the Germans.
32:47Won't be quiet when they hit the bank.
32:51Oh, poor René.
32:53All this excitement has given him one of his heads.
32:57I wish there was some way we could warn the Colonel and the Captain.
33:01We get on quite well, you know.
33:03We have a good working arrangement.
33:05Yes, as long as you do as he says, he doesn't shoot you.
33:08My friends, loyal Frenchmen, tonight the hated Germans are not with us.
33:20They may never be with us.
33:23We have to stay.
33:25Carved one more step in the stairway of freedom.
33:30She has been reading Victor Hugo again.
33:33We have lit the torch to banish the darkness of the shadow which is over our land.
33:40All she did was bake a cake.
33:43There is only one song a Frenchman may sing at the moment like this.
33:47You all know it.
33:49Boom.
33:50Why does my heart go boom?
33:51Oh.
33:52going to go boom.
33:53quote
33:55Of myelin she bh
34:03whys
34:08English
34:10Silence!
34:12My God they have found the dynamite.
34:14This café has been requisitioned by the German Army.
34:18Everybody out!
34:20Everybody out! Do what the colonel tells you! Come on out!
34:23Arrange the tables!
34:26Is something the matter, Colonel?
34:29Herr Flick of the Gestapo has learnt that there is a plot to blow up the shuttle.
34:34No!
34:36Who would do a terrible thing like that?
34:38The resistance!
34:40These resistance people, they are the limit!
34:43Are you sure you know nothing about it, René?
34:46I would have told you, of course, Colonel.
34:50I am sure it is nothing personal.
34:52I expect they were trying to get rid of General von Klinkerofen.
34:55We're all trying to get rid of General von Klinkerofen.
34:58What a shame! And your nice party all spoiled.
35:02All is not lost, René.
35:04On my recommendation, we will celebrate the Kaiser's birthday in your café.
35:12Oh, what an honour!
35:14General von Klinkerofen!
35:21Herr Hitler!
35:22Herr Hitler!
35:23Please, be seated, Herr General. Any way you like.
35:29This will be my table.
35:31Please, make yourself comfortable, Herr General.
35:35Ready?
35:36Yes, Colonel.
35:37We've been good friends for a long time.
35:40I want you to do me a favour.
35:42Huh?
35:44Hide this!
35:45Of course, Colonel.
35:46What is it?
35:47Just a pill.
35:48Huh?
35:53It will be safe in there.
35:54Colonel!
35:55Come and sit down.
35:57Coming, General!
35:58Not there.
35:59That seat is reserved for your assistant.
36:00Oh, thank you very much.
36:01Not you, the girl.
36:06Oh!
36:07You have the dart in place?
36:09Yes, Herr Flick.
36:10You know what to do?
36:12Yes, Herr Flick.
36:14My hands are shaking.
36:16When sitting next to a general,
36:18it is quite proper that a girl's hand should shake.
36:27That seat is reserved for my A.D.C.
36:28Lieutenant Woodoff.
36:30It will be comforting to think that he will be close at hand,
36:34should you need assistance.
36:36Herr Flick!
36:38We are just cutting up the chickens there, General.
36:41Er...
36:42René!
36:43The wine!
36:44And make sure it is the best.
36:45Yes, General.
36:46Seat on the wine, Hans.
36:47And make sure that you look after the General's wine.
36:51Personally.
36:52Yes, Herr Colonel.
36:56René!
36:57René!
36:58The Colonel gave you a pill.
36:59Where is it?
37:00I have the pill in the till.
37:03Which is the wine for the General?
37:05It is here, in this jug.
37:06The pill contains a drug.
37:09The pill in the till?
37:10Take it and put it in there.
37:13Put the drug in the jug?
37:16We nearly forgot the most important part of the celebration.
37:21Oh, my God!
37:22The ghetto from the Chateau!
37:25What about the ghetto from the Chateau?
37:26It contains a bomb.
37:28A bomb in the ghetto from the Chateau?
37:30It is to blow up the General.
37:32The General!
37:33You must not let anybody light that fuse.
37:35But where is the fuse?
37:36It is the candle with the handle.
37:39But really, you do not need to kill the General.
37:42We have already arranged to kill the General.
37:44Do you not see that if we kill him with the pill from the till,
37:48by making with it the drug in the jug,
37:50you need not light the candle with the handle on the ghetto from the Chateau!
37:53Simple plots are always the best.
38:04Put the pill in the jug!
38:06I will take it, I will take it.
38:07I do not want to get it mixed up in the others.
38:08Good.
38:09Yvette.
38:10Here we are, General!
38:12Well, I saw you put something in the General's wine.
38:13What was it?
38:14One of my headache pills.
38:15They wanted to kill him with poison, but I am not having that sort of thing going on
38:17in my cafe.
38:18It is bad for business.
38:19You won't have a business if the ghetto blows up.
38:20One thing at a time, yes.
38:21The little chickens have been hoisted under the colonel of Heidi.
38:26That is it, is it?
38:41The little chickens have been hoisted under the colonel, Heidi.
38:47Get this away.
38:48You bet you will start me.
38:50Gentlemen, your helmets.
39:00Gentlemen, we are here to celebrate the birthday of my ancestor,
39:04Wilhelm Victor Albert II,
39:06Margrave of Brandenburg,
39:08Burgrave of Nuremberg,
39:09better known to us all as the Kaiser.
39:13They did very well in the stocking business.
39:19Can't you go to see.
39:20What?
39:22Allow me, General.
39:26No.
39:27No, Helga.
39:28This is special wine for the General.
39:38The Kaiser!
39:39No.
39:39What time do you make it, Hans?
39:56Not thinking of leaving, are you, Colonel?
39:58No, General.
39:59I wasn't thinking of leaving.
40:01Perhaps it has settled on the bottom of the glass.
40:06A tooth to the Kaiser's wife.
40:08Mrs. Kaiser!
40:09Did the Kaiser have a dog?
40:27Let me refill your glass, General.
40:29Of course.
40:30Where is the food?
40:31Just coming, General.
40:33Gentlemen, I give you the smartest regiment in the German army.
40:41The 7th Prussian Infantry.
40:44Who wants well done?
40:47The smartest regiment.
40:49The smartest regiment.
40:51There's my chicken.
41:09It is a little higher than the other ones.
41:17I will get you a little bit, Colonel.
41:23I have his ADC.
41:26Do you not think I ought to tell him?
41:28One of the first things you learn at Military Academy is never to tell a general when he has a chicken on his head.
41:38What happens when the gravy goes down his neck?
41:40Vine should work before that.
41:45Have some more vine, General.
41:49Yvette, Maria, we need a bucket of water and a bucket of sun.
41:53We must put out that bomb before it goes off.
41:56You will do no such thing.
41:57When the candle is lit, you have only ten seconds to escape.
42:00My restaurant will be wrecked.
42:02The crater where it stood will be a monument as a bravery of the resistance.
42:06You are out of your tree.
42:07To Adolf Hitler.
42:13Adolf Hitler.
42:18And Eva Braun.
42:20Eva Braun.
42:24And the little doggie.
42:34There.
42:34Now that we have toasted the fuhrer, you may all smoke.
42:37Oh, my God.
42:42The poison dart.
42:44Oh, not in my cafe.
42:47There, I seem to have misplaced my cigarette holder.
42:49Must be in the shirt.
42:50May I borrow yours, Helga?
42:51Well...
42:52There seems to be a small blockage.
42:56Oh, my God, I've got the Gestapo.
43:11Yes, that seems off clear, then.
43:12The antidote's key.
43:25Where is he?
43:38Ah, my gosh.
43:55Oh, my God.
43:55We're back.
43:56Oh, my God.
43:58what is the matter with that man he had the fish
44:15it is midnight oh dear we are behind schedule but never mind it is at this hour that our
44:28beloved kaiser do his first royal breath in accordance with the traditions of my family
44:33i will now light the candles maria he went quickly about it where you going to the little boy's
44:39room the colonel also wants to go to the little boy's room no i do not yes you do no i do not
44:48yes i do
44:52open this door open up
44:59stay where you are on the counter 10 throw yourselves on the floor
45:03the candle lit the handle
45:05there they're all lit
45:07and now to commemorate the moment 82 years later when he drew his last breath
45:13we will blow them all out again
45:16for a moment i thought i was going to join the kaiser
45:21i did this in memory of the day that the kaiser was buried
45:28i did this in memory of the day that the kaiser was buried
45:36the burial of the kaiser
45:51The Burial of La Carta.
45:57The Burial of La Carta.
46:01That is the jug with the drug.
46:06After all that I've been through, I could do with a little aspirin.
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