- 2 days ago
Tv, Allo Allo S5E25 - The Big Flush
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TVTranscript
00:00Piano music
00:30you were possibly wondering why I am packing a few things into this little case I will explain
00:39once again I am leaving I have decided that life around here is getting too dangerous for me but
00:45for a start you will have seen the big hole outside in the village square would you believe
00:49that that crater was caused by exploding Christmas puddings Captain Bertorelli the greasy eye tie
00:55had made these puddings the centerpiece for an abortive wedding breakfast and I was forced to
01:00earn them from my cafe when he decided to serve them flambé now what is worse I have stolen four
01:06bars of gold belonging to General von Klinkeroffen and when he finds out about that he will have
01:10me shot however I have disguised very cleverly the gold as the new weight for this cuckoo clock
01:19unfortunately unfortunately the weight is now a bit heavy and it has severely damaged the vocal
01:26chords of the cuckoo let me show you
01:29the old bird has fallen off her perch which reminds me my wife must not discover that I am leaving
01:44well I have decided to head for Geneva so I will take the clock with me and then if anybody stops me I
01:49will say that I am just going to have my cuckoo scene too to avoid suspicion I am only taking the
01:55barest necessities some underwear a towel a razor a toothbrush and my emergency rations
02:03I'm ready to go as soon as you wish I've bought just a few small things for the journey put them in
02:10the case we will be leaving in five minutes
02:12Rene where was the gold you promised you would take the gold so we could live our life of love
02:19in Switzerland well it is better that you do not know the whereabouts of the gold
02:23Yvette now now be a good girl and take this lot down to the kitchen for me
02:27Rene are you hiding it on your person
02:30what are you doing getting that seven girl thunder you you stupid woman she was looking for the key to
02:49the wine cellar I thought the key was always kept down below she has not yet searched that far
02:58oh here it is good girl now take these to the kitchen I will be along in five minutes
03:09I do not trust that girl I think she should leave the cafe
03:17uh Edith I promise you she will leave today
03:20oh Rene you are so good to me oh
03:25Rene yes you must tell me where you have it in the gold
03:30these are dangerous times it is always possible you could be shot
03:35oh the thought is terrible I would be heartbroken and penniless
03:42Rene do not take on so Edith you know me I am a survivor
03:47but someone may give you away who knows too much
03:50exactly and that is why I will not tell anyone where the gold is hidden
03:54especially you
03:55Rene
03:57Sir Connell is here he wishes to see you at once
04:01well tell him I will be with him in a few minutes
04:04you better make it quick he is here with two soldiers and general von Klinkhofen
04:08Mimi we are French we are a proud race we do not jump to every command from an upwardly mobile German general
04:16you outside
04:18I'll hit love
04:19Mimi uh give the uh give the general whatever he requires
04:26oh very well I will take him upstairs close my eyes think of the Eiffel tower
04:32not just a glass of wine wine general no wine no wine silence yes
04:37we are here on business
04:38colonel von Strohm carry on
04:40yes general
04:41we are here to search your cafe peasant
04:48peasant
04:59peasant
05:00I'm sorry to be so rude Rene they expect it
05:03but what have I done
05:05it is very serious
05:06at the dance at my chateau the secret enigma coding machine was stolen
05:10no
05:11yes
05:12whoever has it will be able to uncode all the messages of the German army
05:17everyone will know our secrets it could be very embarrassing
05:20yes yes I can understand you would not wish it to fall into the hands of the British
05:24worse than that it could fall into the hands of the Gestapo
05:27sealed off the entire village
05:28anyone go trying to leave will be shot
05:31well why would anybody want to leave I would never want to leave I love it here
05:36colonel you're in charge do your duty
05:40I'm afraid Rene we will have to search your cafe
05:45but colonel there is nothing to find
05:48apart of course from the portrait of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies by Van Klump
05:52and the painting of the cracked vase with the big daisies by Van Gogh
05:54both of which we are hiding so that you can sell them after the war
05:58don't worry Rene we won't find those
06:00you search upstairs
06:03we have nothing to hide
06:06come come with me I will show you everything
06:09I found this case hidden under the tape room
06:14ah that is not important just my personal belongings
06:16check the contents
06:18are these articles of the book
06:33closing yours Rene oh yes yes
06:36they are my personal underwear I was taking them to the and laundry I do not like to have it washed here
06:42no no I quite understand
06:48you have very good taste Rene I can see that these colors would suit you
06:55all personal belongings yes yes absolutely nothing at all suspicious no no everything in this case is perfectly normal
07:01perfectly normal
07:07Mama
07:10what is happening
07:11my apologies dear lady my orders are to search everywhere in this room
07:16it is not right that a lady of my mother's age should have three soldiers in our room
07:22it is is right at my age two would be quite enough
07:26I am afraid it will be necessary for me to search under the sheets
07:33I am sure you will do your duty
07:35I am sure you will do your duty with the utmost delicacy lieutenant Grober
07:44oh
07:45oh
07:46oh
07:47oh
07:48oh
07:49oh
07:50oh
07:51oh
07:52oh
07:53oh
07:54oh
07:55oh
07:56oh
07:57oh
07:58oh
07:59oh
08:00oh
08:22oh
08:24oh
08:25oh
08:26oh
08:27oh
08:28oh
08:29find
08:30a thing called the enigma
08:33I have not had one of those since my appendix
08:40no Mama it is a secret weapon
08:43mmm
08:43and very effective it is to express
08:47Hey Reney
08:51there is a young woman outside she must speak to you
08:56but the soldiers will not let her in
08:58I think it is one of your ex-waitresses.
09:03Please, Colonel, can we let her in?
09:05Yes.
09:06Let the girl in!
09:15René, I must talk to you alone.
09:17I have something you must deliver at once.
09:21I just run a cafe.
09:23Could you not find somebody with more qualifications?
09:27I think René's been a naughty boy.
09:30This is what happens when you go out with girls.
09:36I do not remember you working for me.
09:39It is I, Michelle.
09:41I must talk to you in private.
09:44René?
09:45Who is this girl?
09:47Oh, it is just a pregnant peasant girl who wishes to talk to me in private.
09:50Why should a pregnant peasant girl wish to speak to you in private?
09:53Well, she used to work for us one time.
09:55I do not remember her.
09:57He made me redundant.
10:01René, how could you?
10:02And when did he?
10:05It is Michelle of the Resistance.
10:08Excuse me, Colonel, I have a private matter to attend to.
10:12Of course.
10:13René.
10:14Yes, Colonel?
10:14Stick to your guns.
10:16Admit nothing.
10:17Yes, René, please.
10:20Well, look.
10:33What is that?
10:35The Enigma machine.
10:36Why have you brought a dangerous machine like that round here?
10:39Do you think I have not got troubles enough?
10:41It is an emergency.
10:43We were to give this machine to two British sellers who came ashore from the miniature submarine.
10:47But unfortunately, they have been arrested.
10:50They were immediately recognized as being British.
10:52Were they not disguised?
10:54As soon as they landed on French soil, they went into a cafe and got bland drank, broke
10:59the furniture, smashed the windows, and then they went outside and did unmentionable things
11:05against the sea wall, singing, here we go, here we go, here we go.
11:10You can always tell an Englishman by his manners.
11:17Now there is a new plan.
11:18Huh?
11:19But listen very carefully because it is very complicated.
11:22Oh, how unusual.
11:24You will put this machine into a small cask of wine.
11:29You will then place it in the hole in the main drain which was made by the exploding Christmas
11:33pudding.
11:34The British submarine is wetting submerged in the canal at the outlet of the sewer.
11:40At a pre-arranged time, everyone in the village will flush their toilet.
11:46The water will push the barrel down the pipe.
11:49The submarine will then suffice and the barrel will be discharged straight into the hands of
11:54the British seamen.
11:55I thought you said this was going to be complicated.
11:58The operation will take place at dawn tomorrow.
12:00There is just one problem.
12:02What if the Germans find us putting the barrel down the drain?
12:05The British Air Force will cause a diversion.
12:07There is to be an early morning air raid on the German headquarters just to keep them busy.
12:12And where are the British airmen?
12:13They must give this message to their commanding officer at once.
12:17I will call them.
12:19Hello?
12:21Hello?
12:23What hell?
12:25Hello, chaps.
12:26Here is a message.
12:27You must deliver it to your commanding officer at once on the radio.
12:30Jolly good show.
12:32To the squadron commander.
12:34Please carry out wiz-o prang on Jerry HQ before brekkers to Morris.
12:39Make it a jolly good show and bang on.
12:43Toodle-oo, pip-pip, tally-ho, Fairfax and Carstairs.
12:47I don't think the squadron commander will understand this.
12:51Why not?
12:52He's Polish.
12:55I must go.
12:57I must not be recognised.
13:00Oh, and Michelle.
13:01Hang on.
13:02You have forgotten you're burning the oven.
13:04The square was empty.
13:17Now we can get on with the operation.
13:19I shall be glad to get rid of this machine once and for all.
13:22I hope Michelle Leclerc put it in the bowl without damaging it.
13:25What did he do with the wine?
13:26I hope Michelle Leclerc put it in the bowl with the wine.
13:33Need you ask?
13:37Monsieur Alphonse, how kind of you to come.
13:40I only came as a token of my love for you, beautiful lady.
13:45And because you asked me to bring a plan of the sewer.
13:49Aren't you being all dressed up at this time of the morning?
13:52As an undertaker, my services are available 24 hours a day.
13:57Many middle-aged men are found dead in their beds on a Sunday morning.
14:02That is because of what they do when they get home on a Saturday night.
14:07Your offence.
14:08Oh, Monsieur Alphonse.
14:10You are so kind, so brave to come here.
14:15Oh.
14:15Oh, madame.
14:17Oh.
14:19I can feel your voluptuous body writhing against mine.
14:23Madame, you are in a state of undress.
14:28Oh, Monsieur Alphonse.
14:30I am perfectly decent.
14:32I have on underneath my night dress.
14:35Ah.
14:36Such stimulation.
14:39Oh.
14:40My dicky ticker.
14:41You should wear one like mine.
14:46Like tricky trust.
14:49Monsieur Alphonse.
14:50Can you share Alphonse a cognac, huh?
14:58Now we can study the plan.
15:01Which way up does it go?
15:02Now, the hole outside the cafe is here.
15:14The drain goes this way.
15:16Yes.
15:17There is a three-meter branch.
15:18Then it turns right into the main drain.
15:21Then it goes straight all the way into the canal where it emerges there.
15:25That is where the submarine will be waiting.
15:27Well, all that seems perfectly straightforward.
15:31Are you all right, Monsieur Alphonse?
15:33You are shivery.
15:35Keep him warm.
15:36It is a chilly morning.
15:38Let him have my dressing room.
15:42Not on a Sunday.
15:44Mimi, put this back on.
15:46You should not excite him like that.
15:48For us there will be nobody to bury all the men who are lying dead in bed.
15:51Quick, no one is looking.
16:06I will throw the Enigma machine down the sewer.
16:13I think it is necessary that some person pushes the barrel to the junction.
16:19Mimi has volunteered for this task.
16:20Mimi.
16:27Come here, Mimi.
16:30Now, my brave midget, I know what to do.
16:33René, you must kiss me before I go down there.
16:37Yes, well, it would be preferable to kissing you when you come out.
16:46This rope will help us to pull you out.
16:49Hands above the head.
16:50That's right.
16:58I'll do this for France.
17:02Yes, well, there is a lot of France down there.
17:03What is happening?
17:19Mimi is going round the bend.
17:22Can I help you?
17:23Please do.
17:24In your profession, you must be used to lowering bodies into holes.
17:28What is I lower?
17:30Do not usually riddle.
17:32She is signalling.
17:34She must be up the junction.
17:35Now we can pull her out.
17:37Now we can pull her out.
17:37Right?
17:39Nine o'clock, she will be flushed away into the North Sea.
17:47Mr. Hans, can you not help?
17:50I lower bodies into holes.
17:53I do not have to pull them out.
17:54Unless you have to pull them out.
17:55Unless you have not paid.
17:59I can see her flippers.
18:00I will try to not sue them.
18:05I have got her feet.
18:10I would have made a good cowboy, you know.
18:12Mr. Alphonse, let me pull her out.
18:14Let me pull her out.
18:21Who is the best of her?
18:24She is not in here.
18:26She is still down here.
18:29She is wriggling out backwards.
18:31I think I can get her feet.
18:34There, there.
18:35I have got her leg.
18:36Mr. Alphonse, let me pull her out.
18:38I cannot see what I am doing.
18:40I will shine my torch.
18:43How can you see?
18:47What is wrong?
18:52Switch off that torch.
18:54The sight is too much for his dicky ticker.
19:03Right.
19:04In five minutes, the entire population of Nuvian will go to the toilet and pull the chain.
19:09The Germans, of course, being stupid, will not consider this behaviour remotely suspicious.
19:15The ensuing rush of water will flush the Enigma machine down the drain and we can all breathe easily once more.
19:21Yet another master plan from British intelligence.
19:25Good morning.
19:26Which will probably go wrong.
19:30I am the brunger of bod toodings.
19:39What did I tell you?
19:41There has been another kick-up.
19:43The British Air Force have dropped...
19:48They have dropped their bums on the waterworks.
19:53On the waterworks?
19:55Yes.
19:55They have scored a direct hot on the pimps.
20:00The pimps?
20:02The pimps!
20:03The pimps in the pimping station!
20:05No water is being pimped down the poops.
20:10Oh, my God.
20:14There is no water!
20:16My God, this is a disaster!
20:21All the poops are dried up so there can be no flushing.
20:25The machine in the sewer cannot move unless a lot of water pisses through.
20:32Benny.
20:32Eh?
20:33We have exactly what we need right here in the cafe.
20:44You are ruining us.
20:46Not really.
20:48One way or another, it will all end up down there.
20:52It is filling up with wine.
20:55Monsieur Leclerc, pass me that barrel.
20:58Not that one.
20:59No, that one over there.
21:01Why?
21:02It is not such a good year.
21:06Oh, now.
21:14There.
21:15That is done the trick.
21:16All the wine has gone away.
21:18There you are.
21:20Who says cheap wine does not travel well?
21:25Well, now we can all breathe easily, now that the enigma machine is on its way.
21:31Let us drink to our success.
21:35René, you are wanted urgently in the back room.
21:37Oh, yes.
21:40Well, where is Michel?
21:42René, I had to see you alone.
21:44I did not tell you before, but for our journey to Switzerland, I bought some very beautiful
21:49silk underwear to wear on our first night together.
21:53Oh, Yvette, you did that for me.
21:57Oh, do not worry, my sweet.
21:58No, soon we will have our night of love.
22:00Oh, but I am worried.
22:02What if Madame Edis finds it?
22:04Well, why should she?
22:05Because I put it in your suitcase.
22:07Well, then it should still be there, unless, of course, Lieutenant Gruber has pinched it.
22:14My God.
22:18The enigma machine.
22:21That idiot Leclerc has put the wrong case in the baron.
22:24René, Michel is here.
22:26Come quickly.
22:26Oh.
22:27I have just received a message.
22:33Total success.
22:34The plan has worked.
22:35The small barrel was picked up by the submarine, and the enigma machine will soon be in the
22:39hands of British intelligence.
22:42I can just imagine the look on their faces when they open the case.
22:47So can I.
22:49It's loose to know that this plan is not a complote bilzor.
22:52Well, let us drink to that.
22:57Whatever it was, he said.
23:01René, shall we tell them now about the suitcase?
23:04No.
23:05Now would not be a good moment.
23:07It is very sad.
23:09My gorgeous silk underwear will now not be worn.
23:13Oh, do not worry, Yvette.
23:15From what I hear of the men who work for British intelligence, it will be put to good use.
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