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Tv, Allo Allo S5E22 - The Geneva Express
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00:00You'll find me standing in the corridor of the 1115 Express to Geneva.
00:29I am here because it was my plan to elope to the Swiss mountains with my waitress Yvette.
00:35Unfortunately my wife Edith received a note which was intended for Yvette.
00:40So the sleeping bunk which should be occupied by Yvette at the moment contains Edith.
00:45The train is travelling at 70 miles an hour so I cannot throw myself off.
00:49Honey. Honey. Oh Honey. Come to bed.
00:55In a moment my love after I have been to the little boys room.
00:59Oh forgive me for being so impatient.
01:03It is like the first night of my honeymoon.
01:05My heart is pounding in time to the pistons of the engine.
01:15As you can see she has built up quite a head of steam.
01:19I must hide and think of what to do next.
01:29Stop fidgeting Gerber.
01:31I'm sorry colonel.
01:35I find it most frustrating to think that the genuine paintings are just a few feet from us in that thing.
01:41Could we not blow the lock with our pistols?
01:44We want to substitute these forgeries without allowing suspicion.
01:48Mr. Lyle and Helga.
01:52Have you got the key from the Swedish art expert?
01:54I have not yet located him.
01:56Why do you not find the sleeping car attendant and take a look at his plan?
02:00Good thinking Gerber.
02:01Have you got the pills for Draghi's coffee?
02:03They are in my handbag.
02:04Good.
02:05Then he's unconscious you will obtain for us the key of the safe.
02:07I am.
02:14Right.
02:15Oh my God.
02:16Sorry sir.
02:29I am.
02:30Oh my God.
02:31Where are you?
02:32How was that?
02:33Oh my God.
02:34Good looking.
02:35How did she get here?
02:39She must have found a knot and thought it was for her.
02:41she also must have found a note and thought it was for her one should never
02:46put anything in writing
03:00at last they have found you Mimi where have you been you left me the note but
03:08she did not leave me the ticket oh Edith has got the ticket she thought the note
03:13was for her she's on the train she she must not find us
03:16Rene my god
03:19I will act with you
03:24oh yes Rene Rene
03:29oh
03:36sorry
03:37oh
03:41honey moon
03:48What am I going to do?
04:01Stay here and have a good think.
04:06The coffee is nearly ready, Herr Fleek.
04:10We will now proceed to each compartment
04:12under pretext of taking orders for coffee.
04:15Here is a picture of the Swedish artist.
04:18But fix it firmly in your mind.
04:21When we find him, we will drug his coffee,
04:23remove the key, seize the painting,
04:25pull the communication cord,
04:27and vanish into the night.
04:29It's a devilish plan.
04:32Of course.
04:33Proceed.
04:35Orders for coffee!
04:38Orders for coffee!
04:43Mimi, my dear, sweet, unsophisticated child,
04:46of course I want to elope with you.
04:49But Edith also found that note
04:51and thought it was for her.
04:53That is why she is on the train.
04:56Oh, what sort of life
04:58are we going to have together in Switzerland
04:59with her climbing every mountain
05:01looking for us?
05:02We could drop and walk on her head.
05:06No, the old plan has gone wrong.
05:09If she found you, she would kill you.
05:11The train is slowing down.
05:14You must jump.
05:18Penny!
05:19Penny!
05:19I don't know what to jump!
05:21Penny!
05:26Oh!
05:27The ground is so hot!
05:30We are alongside the river!
05:33And I love you!
05:34Yes, and I love you too.
05:36Oh, I cannot bear to part like this.
05:39Now, go quickly
05:41and do not look back.
05:43I cannot do it!
05:45Penny!
05:47Penny!
05:48Yes, you can!
05:49Oh, Penny!
05:55Penny!
05:56What are you doing?
05:58Just getting a breath of fresh air, my love.
06:03You go back to the bank
06:04and wait for me, my dear.
06:06Oh, Penny, you are such a genius.
06:09You know how I like to be dentalized.
06:11Oh, my God!
06:19Now, where is the reservation plan?
06:24Now, the Swedish art expert, Monsieur, you hope you do.
06:30That will be fun.
06:32Compartment 12B.
06:33Oh, my dear, you are.
06:43Have you found him?
06:44He is in compartment 12B.
06:47I am preparing for him to grant coffee.
06:50Look out!
06:51The stewards are returned.
06:52He is not in the forward, colleges.
07:02You must now search the rest of the train.
07:07Some unauthorized person has poured out coffee.
07:11Best not, want not.
07:12Now, let us search.
07:29Here is 12B.
07:31Get into conversation with him.
07:33I will bring the coffee.
07:3414,000, you are lagging behind.
07:41My head is spinning.
07:49You search this compartment, I will search this one.
07:52I will try, but my legs are wobbling.
07:56The Gestapo does not have wobbly legs.
08:01I am the sleeping car attendant,
08:03and taking orders for coffee.
08:05Do any of you want a coffee?
08:08Is there anybody here?
08:12A nun.
08:17Another nun.
08:21Who is it in this bunk?
08:23I am a very old nun.
08:27Who are they?
08:29I am sorry, old nun.
08:31I will not trouble you any further.
08:33I am a very old nun.
08:44How are they?
08:45I am a very old nun.
08:48Where are you?
08:49Where are you?
08:49Where are you?
08:50Where are you?
08:51My god, the Colonel?
08:51I'm getting impatient.
08:59I have been tantalized long enough.
09:15How did you know I was here?
09:21Who are you?
09:28The king?
09:33The king?
09:38I will take that.
09:41At least I would were I not about to become unconscious.
09:51How did you get here?
10:07Oh, it was not easy without a ticket.
10:09Monsieur Leclerc got some notes in a model.
10:11But I managed to catch the train, and I've been searching for you ever since.
10:16I have bad news.
10:18Edith is on board.
10:20But do not worry.
10:21I still have the gold.
10:23Oh, René.
10:25Hold me.
10:26Crush me to you.
10:28There's not time for all that.
10:30Quick, hide in the bunk.
10:31What is I?
10:35Leclerc.
10:36What are you doing here, you bungling idiot?
10:39I have for you a message from Michel.
10:42Huh?
10:43About the exploding Christmas puddings.
10:45What about the exploding Christmas puddings?
10:48Two of them are to be dropped down the funnel of the engine
10:51when we go under the bridge at Abbeyville.
10:54Oh, my God.
10:56What time are we with you there?
10:57I see.
10:58Three minutes ago.
11:00We are running late.
11:01René.
11:02Quick, it is Edith.
11:04Hide.
11:04I will hide.
11:06Oh!
11:09René.
11:10Oh, René.
11:12I can't wait no longer.
11:13Edith, hold on.
11:14There is going to be a big bang.
11:16I know.
11:16It won't.
11:17Come on.
11:24You can all go away.
11:40I am not opening until 12 o'clock.
11:45Headline news.
11:46Geneva Express blown up by Christmas pudding.
11:48It was a night I shall never forget.
11:55And what an anticlimax.
11:57Here was I, hoping to elope to Switzerland with the lovely Yvette and...
12:01Where do I find myself?
12:03Three o'clock in the morning, returning home with my wife on the back of a fish lorry.
12:08Well, fortunately, Edith still does not know that Yvette was on the train.
12:13How the poor child will get home, I have no idea.
12:15She has no money.
12:16At this moment, she is probably tramping across a ploughed field in her high heels.
12:29Vat, René.
12:32All the way from Abbeville on roller skates.
12:36Vat.
12:37Thank heavens you are safe.
12:38What about the others?
12:39Have you seen Monsieur Leclerc?
12:40He, too, has roller skates.
12:42Where is he?
12:43Oh, just outside Nuvion.
12:44He broke the balls of his bearings.
12:51René, can we elope again tomorrow?
12:54I think I will have to rest up a bit.
12:57Oh, René.
12:59Hold me.
13:00Crush me to you.
13:02Oh!
13:04René!
13:05What are you doing with your arms around that girl?
13:09You stupid woman.
13:15Can you not see that she is upset because you and I did not succeed in eloping together?
13:21She had in her mind only our happiness.
13:24Why is she wearing roller skates?
13:26We are her family.
13:32If we had gone, what would she have had left?
13:34She was skating to the orphanage.
13:37The only place where she knows true happiness.
13:42On the way there, she saw those headlines.
13:44She has a mother.
13:46Why was she in an orphanage?
13:47She was a difficult child.
13:48She came from a broken...
13:49Her mother used to live with a green grocer.
13:53He used to beat her daily with long green beans.
13:57René, do not reveal any more.
13:59Oh, the poor child.
14:02Skate into the kitchen.
14:03I will get you some soup.
14:08René.
14:09My God, the gold.
14:11What is the matter?
14:12Well, I thought I would be in Switzerland by the time the general discovered that it had gone.
14:15Now I am in Nuvian.
14:16We could all be shot.
14:17I must go and put it back.
14:18Put it back where?
14:20Back with the rest of the gold in the safe in the police station.
14:22No.
14:23Keep it.
14:24We will let it up again tonight.
14:25Tonight could be too late.
14:27Now could be too late.
14:28No, no.
14:29I must go and talk to that idiot crab tree.
14:32Good morning.
14:35Once, I am glad to see you.
14:36Now, I need the key to your safe.
14:38Why?
14:39I pinched four bars of the general's gold.
14:42I know.
14:42I spitted you poking it.
14:45Then the general finds out he could shoot half of Nuvian.
14:48Do not worry.
14:50I have squozed into the lock.
14:53Hard sitting glue.
14:55If he cannot open it, he will not knee that it is gin.
14:59Here is the timetable.
15:02We will leave by the next train.
15:04There are no troons.
15:05The one that was deruled by the Christmas pitting is still blicking the loon.
15:13This is not my day.
15:15Honey.
15:15What?
15:16Let us blow open the safe.
15:17Lady, what are you talking about?
15:20We have in our cellar exploding Christmas puddings.
15:23We could squash one well into the lock, light the fuse and stand well back.
15:27And how will we know how much Christmas pudding to use?
15:29No, we can start with four tablespoons full and work up from there.
15:35By the time they have cleared the line, you and I can elope together with all the gold.
15:41Come, let us pick a pudding.
15:45She is money mad.
15:48He means mini mod.
15:50We have all had a very narrow escape.
15:58But we have achieved our objective.
16:00And the paintings in all their glory are in our possession.
16:04And safely resting in the body of the statue.
16:07The forgeries which I put in their place will no doubt be recovered in due course.
16:12I have to report that the forgeries have already been recovered by Herr Flick, who has put in their place two other forgeries.
16:22Yes, yes, there's an almost poetic beauty to this situation.
16:27Concealed in this beautiful statue, we have the original masterpieces.
16:33Herr Flick thinks that he has the original masterpieces.
16:36And the general has the gold from the Swedish art expert who believes that he bought the masterpieces.
16:42And Rennie does not know about our operation, so he does not get his cut.
16:49Gerard von Klinkerhofen.
16:55Heil Hitler.
16:56Heil Hitler.
16:57Goober, I have a task for you.
17:00I put some not very important papers in the safe in the police station.
17:04Unfortunately, some practical joker has gummed up the lock, so I can't use the key.
17:07I wish you, therefore, to take your tank and transfer it to my chateau, where the unimportant papers will be safe.
17:16Very good, General.
17:17Will that be all, General?
17:20No.
17:22This statue.
17:23What statue?
17:28I like it.
17:29It would look rather nice in my chateau.
17:31Really, it's such a cheap and ugly thing.
17:35Are you questioning my taste?
17:38I will take it.
17:40Could we, perhaps, deliver it for you?
17:43No, I will take it now.
17:45Guards, put this statue in my car.
17:48Heil Hitler.
17:49Heil Hitler.
17:50Heil Hitler.
17:50There is the safe.
18:01He days, be careful.
18:03I will witch out of the Wando.
18:07If anyone comes this woo, I will give you two wonks.
18:11I'm to the detention!
18:23Instead of my detention, you put the legs together, you make the spine astray.
18:27No, smoke the fag away, you make the detention!
18:32Slope the arm.
18:38For the officer.
18:39Present the arms!
18:48What do you think of them?
18:50I suspect they have never done it better.
18:55I wonder if you could assist me.
18:57I have to remove a heavy safe from the police station onto the back of my little tank.
19:02Do you have four strong men?
19:05Help yourself.
19:06You ask them.
19:07Pay attention!
19:12I am looking for four strong men.
19:17You better your life, you are.
19:23Please, do not push so hard.
19:25This is a highly explosive Christmas pudding we have here.
19:28This is a very big lock.
19:30I have used after Christmas pudding already.
19:33I am sure that is enough.
19:34Where is the fuse?
19:36It is here.
19:37It is disguised as Ollie.
19:41Now, light it.
19:43Right.
19:47Let us take cover, quick.
19:49Do not panic.
19:52Do not panic.
19:52It is a two-minute fuse.
19:54We have plenty of time.
20:00Psst!
20:02Can you not see me wonking?
20:04Now, what is the matter?
20:10Lieutenant Gruber is here in his tonk.
20:14Oh, my God.
20:15Quick, put it out.
20:16Put it out.
20:18I cannot.
20:20It is burning inside.
20:22Oh, my God.
20:23Quick, let us go out the back way.
20:25Come, come.
20:25It must have gone out.
20:26I can no longer wear it fizzing.
20:35Really?
20:38I keep meeting you in the most unexpected places.
20:43We were just reporting missing Anne.
20:49On the orders of General von Klinkerhofen,
20:51I am requisitioning this safe.
20:53Where is it going?
20:54To the General's port as at the chateau.
20:58Men, take it out through the back passage.
21:02I cannot take it unless I have a signature.
21:05Here is the order.
21:07Put it into the tank, men.
21:11Oh, René, I have long promised you a spin in my little tank.
21:17Would you care to accompany me to the chateau?
21:21Well, that is a very kind thought, Lieutenant.
21:24What if the fuse has not gone out?
21:26But this time I will give it a miss if that is all the same to you.
21:30Me?
21:31I have never been on the German tank I travel with you.
21:37Lieutenant, perhaps the captain could drive your tank while you came and had a drink with me.
21:41Oh.
21:42An invitation I cannot refuse.
21:44The safe is a loaded, Capitano.
21:48Good.
21:49We come.
21:55Hey, move your pass.
21:58Yeah.
22:00Honey, I think we should not be seen walking together.
22:03I will go ahead.
22:04I will follow.
22:10Choo.
22:10Hey, you watch as your Capitano go off in a cloud of smoke, huh?
22:27Now, do not give it too much throttle or you will get a little backfire.
22:34I will Wi-Fi now.
22:36You watch as your Capitano, you will get it.
22:38Yeah.
22:39You do not give it to me.
22:39Let me do it.
22:39You do not give it to me.
22:41No, you do not give it to me.
22:43Do not give it to me.
22:44For me, you do not give it to me.
22:45No, don't give it to me.
22:45Do not give it to me.
22:48I give him too much of Frodo.
23:18I give him too much of Frodo.
23:48I give him too much of Frodo.
24:18I give him too much of Frodo.
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