- 2 days ago
Binghamton gets hold of Parker's diary, which includes details of the Crew's shady activities. After the guys steal the diary from The Captain's safe, Binghamton sets out to personally escort Parker to The Admiral. But, after falling into enemy hands, on the way, and being rescued by the 73 Crew, Binghamton changes his mind, after some gentle persuasion by McHale.
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00:00To be continued...
00:30All right, you bunch of gold bricks. What's going on here?
00:36You're supposed to be getting a boat and ready for morning patrol.
00:39Sorry, I'm running a little late, Skip, but we'll be just giving the hut a little extra cleanup.
00:43I'll get sure to use it, boy. This torpedo is filthy.
00:46Torpedo?
00:48Get up on it, man.
00:55Cloud nine martini mix, one sip and you're flying?
01:00I made it up.
01:02Well, now, if that isn't one for the books...
01:05Well, you can say that again, Skip.
01:07Dear diary, guess what the guys dreamed up today.
01:11Well, that's it, huh?
01:12No more penny-annies stuff, huh? You're going big league stuff now.
01:16Heisting torpedoes.
01:17Now, wait a minute, Skip. You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would you?
01:20Skip, where else could we get the alcohol?
01:22Are you listening to me, you schlockmeisters?
01:25You better start hightailing it for that boat before I really get mad.
01:28Now, move!
01:30Salute.
01:30Fruity!
01:31Come over here.
01:32While we're gone, you get rid of that jungle juice.
01:35Dump it. I don't care where, just dump it.
01:37Here.
01:38Boys, I'll never believe this after the war.
01:40Oh, come on. Will you stop it with that diary?
01:42Skip it. I didn't get a chance to date you.
01:43Chuck, I said move!
01:44Well, what are you standing there for?
01:48Get the lead out.
01:49Tote that crate. Lift that booze.
01:50You're in a skipper. Move.
01:51Move!
02:14You're in a skipper.
02:21You're in a skipper.
02:23You're in a skipper.
02:24You're in a skipper.
02:25You're in a skipper.
02:26You're in a skipper.
02:27You're in a skipper.
02:28You're in a skipper.
02:29You're in a skipper.
02:30You're in a skipper.
02:31You're in a skipper.
02:32You're in a skipper.
02:33You're in a skipper.
02:34You're in a skipper.
02:35You're in a skipper.
02:36You're in a skipper.
02:37You're in a skipper.
02:38You're in a skipper.
02:39You're in a skipper.
02:40You're in a skipper.
02:41You're in a skipper.
02:42You're in a skipper.
02:43You're in a skipper.
02:44Holy smokes.
02:47Elliot Ness.
02:55Sir, one of the crew is still in bed.
02:57Get out of bed, fatso.
02:59Arrest that man for striking a superior officer.
03:02Aye, aye, sir.
03:03You're under arrest.
03:04Sir, it's a torpedo.
03:06Well, arrest the torpedo then.
03:08Torpedo?
03:09Oh, we've got them with the goods, Carpenter.
03:11What is the torpedo doing in a bunk?
03:15What's that smell?
03:17Oh, sir, must be this insecticide.
03:19Insecticide?
03:20Ooh, that's vermouth.
03:22Vermouth, sir?
03:24Say, this is beginning to add up.
03:25Torpedo juice, vermouth.
03:26Those pirates are making martinis.
03:29Sir, maybe we can find some olives, too.
03:31Never mind the olives.
03:32We're going to turn this off-Broadway brewery upside down.
03:35Come on, let's go.
03:36Yes, sir.
03:38Sorry, sir, I didn't mean it.
03:40Oh, sir.
03:40I'll give you a...
03:42Do not open.
03:46This means you.
03:47What kind of nonsense is this now?
03:49The private diary of Ensign Charles Parker.
03:53Authentic and top secret.
03:55No, sir.
03:55Hmm, January 14th.
04:02Dear diary, today the guys heisted six sets of signal flags to make sarongs for native girls.
04:10Huh?
04:11February 1st.
04:13Dear diary, this afternoon Gruber lost the captain's jeep to Yerulu in a poker game.
04:19And, sir, all these months you've been making me pay for it.
04:23March 17th.
04:25Dear diary, tonight the guys borrowed officers' uniforms and crashed the dance in the nurses' quarters.
04:31Carpenter, do you realize what this means?
04:35Oh, it's the discovery of the century, sir.
04:36As soon as we get back to the office, I'll get the court-martial papers ready.
04:39Oh, no, no, no, no.
04:40I've seen McHale wiggle out of too many tight ones.
04:43I'm going to take this right to Admiral Rogers.
04:47We'll let him file the charges.
04:48Oh, brilliant strategy, sir.
04:50Oh, what about the torpedo, sir?
04:52Oh, darn the torpedoes and full speed ahead to my office safe.
04:56Oh, that's cute, sir.
04:57I thought you'd like that.
04:58We're going to lock up dear diary till we shove off a conflate in the morning.
05:01Oh, sir.
05:07Oh, boy.
05:09Now it really hairy, hairy time.
05:12What's so terrible?
05:13So we found his diary.
05:14Hold it, hold it.
05:15Now, Chuck, you've been doing a lot of scribbling lately.
05:19Exactly what did you put in that diary?
05:22Well, it's just kind of a collection of all the colorful things the guys have done.
05:27You mean the heists?
05:28The rackets?
05:29The dames?
05:30Everything?
05:30Please, Chuck, say that you didn't put everything in that book.
05:39Well, that does it.
05:40Well, that diary's our death warrant.
05:41Firing squad, here we come.
05:43Oh, you can say that again.
05:45Binghamton will throw the book at us.
05:47Oh, no.
05:47Captain Redbottom will not throw a book anywhere.
05:49He put in safe till he take to Admiral Rogers in the morning.
05:53Admiral Rogers.
05:54Hold it, hold it.
05:56There's no time to push the panic button.
05:58What we got to do is to figure out a way to keep that book from getting a conflate.
06:01There's only one thing to do, Skip.
06:03We got to crack that strong box.
06:04Tonight, cracking a safe is no job for an amateur.
06:07Who's going to crack it?
06:08Who else, Skip?
06:10A little old safe cracker.
06:13Me.
06:13Copies, and they're loaded to the teeth.
06:29We got to get them out of here before we can move.
06:31That ain't going to be easy, Skip.
06:32He doesn't take orders from anyone except old Nedbottom.
06:35That's right.
06:35Well, now, suppose when he went over Binghamton's head.
06:39Way over his head.
06:41Lieutenant Carpenter speaking.
06:54Hello, Taratupa.
06:56Long distance calling.
06:58Come in, Washington, D.C.
07:00Come in, Washington, D.C., please.
07:04My friend.
07:05And you are my friend.
07:07This is the president.
07:09President Roosevelt.
07:10At ease.
07:13Thank you, sir.
07:15Now, here.
07:16Go get Captain Binghamton and make it snappy,
07:20or you won't be my friend.
07:23Captain Binghamton specifically ordered me not to leave here, sir.
07:27Now, look, my fellow American.
07:29I told you to go get him and snap it up.
07:33It's time for Father's War.
07:35You hear that?
07:40He's going to get patient.
07:42And so am I.
07:43Now, get going.
07:45Oh, yes, sir.
07:46And I'm sorry about the honor, Mr. President.
07:48Anything you say, sir.
07:51You forgot your gun.
07:52Thank you, sir.
08:03Okay, boys.
08:04The fireside chat's over.
08:05Let's get cracking.
08:07Nice going, Chuck.
08:08You sure fooled him.
08:08I don't understand this.
08:12Why would he want to talk to me?
08:14Hello, Mr. President.
08:16This is Captain Binghamton speaking.
08:18Before you say anything, sir,
08:20I would just like to tell you, Mr. President,
08:22that it is a great honor, sir,
08:24to be talking with you.
08:27Mr. President.
08:30Mr. President.
08:33Mr. President.
08:34Why there's nobody on that line, you dunce?
08:38Sir, he promised he'd hold on.
08:40Well, I knew he wouldn't be calling me.
08:42I didn't even vote for the man, for heaven's sakes.
08:44Why would he be giving...
08:45My diary.
08:49My diary's gone.
08:51It's been stolen.
08:52This is the opportunity of a lifetime,
08:54and it's gone right on the bills.
08:55Do you realize the penalty
08:56for abandoning your post-it-time war?
08:58But so what else could I do?
09:00I was ordered by President Roosevelt.
09:02I was ordered by President Roosevelt.
09:04You ninny, you.
09:05Who do you think cracked this safe?
09:07Calvin Coolidge?
09:08Sir, I don't understand it.
09:09I even heard Fowler barking, sir.
09:11Fowler barking.
09:12The only dog that you heard was McHale.
09:15I can tell you that right now.
09:16He and his pirates are responsible for this thing.
09:19I'll bet my stripes on that.
09:21Let's go.
09:22Yes, sir.
09:24Get your fingers out of the safe.
09:27Get your bad guy gone.
09:28Oh, sir.
09:31My poor diary.
09:33Better Richard Byrne than us.
09:35Uh-huh.
09:35Get the dish ready for Binghamton.
09:37Stash the bonfire.
09:38And listen, don't anybody open this moth.
09:40I'll do all the talking.
09:42Ah, good evening, Captain.
09:44How a lovely day, wasn't it?
09:46Don't try the small talk with me,
09:48you overstuffed Jimmy Valentine.
09:49You think you fooled me, don't you?
09:51Why?
09:52I'm afraid I don't know what you mean, sir.
09:55You don't, huh?
09:55You never heard of the great safe robbery, I suppose.
10:00Safe robbery?
10:02Boy, it's getting so you can't trust anybody nowadays.
10:04I'll knock it off, all of you.
10:06Fortunately, I don't need dear diary to nail you highwaymen.
10:10I've got another method.
10:12A foolproof method.
10:14And here's the fool right over here.
10:17Edson Charles Parker.
10:19Here, sir.
10:20You're under arrest.
10:23Oh, now, wait a minute, Captain.
10:24Are you accusing Parker of cracking that safe?
10:27Oh, no.
10:28That takes talent.
10:29All I want is Parker's testimony on the stand.
10:32You are going to tell Admiral Rogers
10:34every poison pen page of your little diary.
10:38Oh, that's impossible, sir.
10:40I have a very poor memory.
10:41I can't remember anything, Captain.
10:42Uh, uh, Captain.
10:43What was your name?
10:44Uh, Binghamton.
10:45Wallace.
10:46Oh, now you stop that.
10:47You stop all those silly things that you do.
10:49Now, you listen to me, Ensign.
10:51If you're getting any ideas of developing amnesia on the stand,
10:54you just forget all about it.
10:55Because if you do, that's perjury,
10:57and I'll nail you for about 20 years.
10:59Oh, no, no, no, Captain.
11:00Let's talk this thing over, huh?
11:03Okay, well, if you've got anything to say,
11:04you say it to the chaplain.
11:06If you've got any ideas about heisting my witness
11:08like you heisted that diary, you forget it.
11:11Elroy.
11:11Sir.
11:14Hmm.
11:14How about that, huh?
11:15From now on, Parker, wherever you go,
11:19then that's where I'll go.
11:20And wherever I go, then that's where you'll go.
11:24Until 0700 hours when we shove off for conflict.
11:28Now, let's go, Mr. Houdini,
11:29and see you try and get out of this one.
11:31Come on, come on.
11:32Come on, get out of there.
11:34Right.
11:35Yeah.
11:36What?
11:36No, no, no, no.
11:38What?
11:38No, no, no, no, no.
11:39Here, wait a minute.
11:40Wait a minute.
11:41Wait a minute.
11:42Oh, here, wait a minute.
11:43I'll handle this.
11:44I'll handle this.
11:46All right.
11:46Here.
11:47All right.
11:48Here you go.
11:49Okay.
11:50There you go.
11:52Come on.
11:53I know you're in there.
11:54All right.
11:55Come on, Captain.
11:56Come on.
11:57I'll handle this.
11:58Yes, yes.
11:59Oh, oh, oh.
12:00There you go, Captain.
12:02Don't leave me.
12:03There you go.
12:03There's no situation here.
12:05Yes.
12:05Wait a minute.
12:06Come on, Chuck, get up.
12:09Take your hands off him.
12:11Oh, there you are.
12:15Keep us covered, all right?
12:17Yes, sir.
12:23Oh, good morning, sir.
12:24Now, what's good about it?
12:26Try and get a wink of sleep all night chain to this whirling dervish.
12:30Oh, boy, coffee.
12:31Oh, none for prisoners.
12:32Parker, will you sit down over there?
12:36He's been busting around.
12:37Yeah.
12:38Oh, my goodness.
12:39Oh, my goodness.
12:42Oh, my goodness.
12:43Oh, my goodness.
12:44I don't know what you're doing.
12:46Yeah, Roy, put that chair with that much of the lawns.
12:48Yes, sir.
12:49Just wipe my eyes.
12:50Oh, my loser.
12:51Oh, my loser.
12:51Oh, my loser.
12:53Oh, my loser.
12:53Oh, my loser.
12:54Oh, my loser.
12:54Oh, my loser.
12:54Oh, I'm sorry, Steve.
12:56You can lay down and take a little nap.
12:57I'll lay down and take a little nap.
12:59Once I get you to Tom Fleet, I'll sleep like a baby.
13:04Dreaming dreams of you and those cut dots on the rock pile.
13:07Your plane will be ready in about ten minutes, sir.
13:08Just time for a nice hot cup of coffee.
13:10Here you are.
13:10Let me have you.
13:11Oh, morning, Captain.
13:12Hey, hi.
13:12Oh, my God.
13:16Get another cup of coffee.
13:17Oh, my God.
13:17Stop that, you simpleton.
13:20Stop that.
13:21McHale.
13:22Yes, sir.
13:22This is all your fault.
13:23What are you doing over here anyway?
13:25Well, let's face it, I'm the one that you're really gunning for, and so I'm going to make
13:30things easy for you, sir.
13:31If you forget the whole thing and let the boys go, I'll plead guilty to all charges, huh?
13:36No deal, McHale.
13:38You're through.
13:38You and your schlockmeisters are through, all of you.
13:41Well, I heard of poor losers, but a poor winner.
13:43Losers, huh?
13:44I'll...
13:45You hit it.
13:50That, that.
13:51How about now, Captain?
13:52Captain, wait a minute.
13:53Let's talk this over.
13:54I'm not going to lose anything.
13:55I've had enough of this.
13:56Do you understand?
13:57I've had enough, enough, enough!
13:58You've had enough.
13:59We're going to get on that plane for conflict before you destroy this entire base.
14:02Do you understand?
14:03There's a move.
14:03Move!
14:04Move!
14:17That's part of Lower Island down there.
14:19That's a halfway mark.
14:20That's the point of no return for McHale.
14:27That sounds like one of our engines is missing.
14:33Fire the number two engine, Captain.
14:35Check your parachute.
14:36Stand by to jump.
14:37Yeah.
14:37We can't jump.
14:40That's a difficult island down there.
14:42You know how funny some people are about having strangers dropped in and invited.
14:45Well, we're putting in the fire extinguishers now.
14:46They don't work.
14:47There's no other way.
14:48Boy.
14:49There they go.
14:49So keep your fingers crossed.
14:54They're working.
14:55The fire's going out.
14:56We're safe.
14:56Oh, boy.
14:57You mean we don't have to jump?
14:58Yippee!
14:59Oh, sit down.
15:00Yes, sir.
15:00I'm sorry.
15:00I'm sorry.
15:01I can't look at anything, sir.
15:16I can't stand high places.
15:18Oh, I want my mother.
15:21I'd like to get my hands on her myself.
15:24Co-pilot to pilot.
15:26They're coming down on Boralura.
15:28Better call Tarantuba once.
15:29Is that you, Captain?
15:40Oh, yes.
15:43Who do you expect it to be, Madam Butterfly?
15:46Ring your fat little neck for getting me into a mess like this.
15:49That's just what I'm going to do as soon as I get out of these handcuffs.
15:53That's the key.
15:56Want me to bury the shoe?
15:57Yeah, wrap yourself in it first.
15:59I know it's the key.
16:00I can't find the key.
16:02You know what this means?
16:04Yeah.
16:04You're going to have to pay for it.
16:06That was government property.
16:08Why would I have to be stuck on a Japanese island with a jaybird like you?
16:16Well, frankly, I'm just kind of glad to have company.
16:18Oh, I'm going to kill him.
16:20I'm going to get out of these things.
16:21I'm going to go through life dragging a dead body with me.
16:24Come on.
16:26Let's go.
16:29Come on.
16:33You put this on for me, sir.
16:35Last scene.
16:40Approximately one mile north of enemy airstrip.
16:48Of all the lousy bricks.
16:50Yeah, the best chance we ever had to give old Lead Bottom the Deep Six, he has to have Mr. Parker with him.
16:55Well, there's only one way to get Mr. Parker out of this mess, boys.
16:58And that is to go after him.
16:59So, come on, you bunch of apes.
17:01Let's get the lead out.
17:01We're going to borrow all over.
17:02Let's go.
17:08There's a nip supply head over there.
17:10There ought to be a hacksaw in that thing.
17:11It could be kind of risky, sir.
17:20Before I'd spend another night on this chain gang with you at risk, storming Tokyo Bay, barehanded.
17:29If I get out of this, you'll see a doctor.
17:56I'll stand guard out here.
17:59Did you find anything?
18:05Yes, I found a nitwit at the end of my left arm.
18:08Get me.
18:15There, you dumb bell.
18:17There's a hacksaw.
18:17I told you there's a hacksaw.
18:19Come on.
18:24What's this?
18:25Let me find you.
18:27Hurry up.
18:27I'll leave it.
18:28One more time.
18:28We have to order.
18:29Where are you?
18:30We'll go.
18:30Go in.
18:32Here you go.
18:32Ryuk.
18:33I'll be here.
18:34How did you find it?
18:35There's a hackers.
18:35Did you find a hackers.
18:36Oh.
18:37Look at me.
18:37Here I'll be here.
18:38I'll be here.
18:40You'll go.
18:43How are you?
18:45Wait.
18:45Come on.
18:46Do you want to find a hacker?
18:47You'll be here.
18:48You're there.
18:48I'll be here.
18:49Come on.
18:50Here you go.
18:51this is a fine mess you got me to do how are we gonna get out of this
19:21let her get out here get away from there you're not gonna pull that stuff i guess
19:35yeah don't you lay a hand on me i'm a captain
19:39don't let you think about me i'm an answer
19:41oh we got rid of him we got rid of him he was the pilot what do we gonna do now
19:53well it's very simple just have to fly the thing ourselves oh you don't know what a load that takes
19:58off my mind boy i didn't know you knew how to fly one of these things well i don't i was hoping you
20:05did that's gonna help you a little bit better get back in the box behind the box
20:24what do we do first well there's no hostess i guess you better fasten your seat belt first
20:28then just get your hands off of me
20:44maybe you want me to turn this on what is it i think it's a heater
20:47a heater hey skip uh radar blip shows enemy aircraft approaching from the north north there he is
21:03coming in 11 o'clock
21:08i swear if we don't get out of this alive i'm gonna kill you
21:19holy mackerel looks like that nip has really been nipping hey hey looks like it's flying on pure sake
21:29holy
21:29holy mackerel
21:34open fire
21:39put your dick your ass off the thing you ain't gonna have a doubt that
21:45what button did you push now oh i didn't push anything that's a boat down there firing at us
21:50hey it's one of ours it's a 73 my gale's trying to kill us
22:00i got one of our engines must have been purge he's a great shot attaboy purge bullseye
22:07bullseye
22:08would you stop it what's the matter with you
22:13oh if i could just get my hands on that mcgail skip i pick up the nip plane on the radio
22:19first you'll hold your fire she'll never get away with this mcgail my widow will track you down to the
22:25the ends of the earth you really had me that might cut me in fast okay captain bangleton chuck
22:32we're right below you your port engine is on fire you're gonna have to bail out
22:38do you read me but skip we only got one shoot see give it to me this time you can hit your eyes
22:44i think i'm getting on to it now let's get out of it
22:53shop for the last time jump before that plane blows up
22:57hey look they made it christy christy stand by we'll try to pick them up by the fly don't be afraid
23:08captain it's not like we never did this before stand by the fat tail
23:16all right
23:18let it fly let it go
23:28all right nice catch skip yeah put in a good word for me to the dodgers come on let's get him out of
23:32there hey hey where's the captain
23:36all right
23:45finally why is it always me
23:56okay christy head the old tub back to taratuba
23:59belaya on order this stool pigeon still has a song to sing for admiral rogers oh well not today
24:04sir you see we just received radio word that admiral rogers is going on an inspection tour
24:09and he won't be back for at least three weeks three weeks three whole weeks chained to this baboon
24:16oh well now it won't be so bad sir after all uh you know what kicker with a little bit of incentive
24:23like uh forgetting all about that diary we might be able to uh cut you loose well it's entirely up to
24:29you sir personally i think it's kicks
24:39uh
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