- 2 days ago
In the Season 18 finale, the presenters ask whether you can go motor racing for less than the cost of playing golf. James May drives his childhood dream car — the Ferrari 250 GT California SWB, while Richard Hammond tests the new BMW M5 around the Top Gear test track. Guest stars: Slash and Kimi Räikkönen.
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MotorTranscript
00:00:00Tonight, right, hello, oops, Evans, can't believe it, Slash, and Bash as we do proper motor racing.
00:00:21Hello, hello, welcome to the playground, welcome everybody, thank you, thank you so much.
00:00:36Now, now we begin with the BMW M5.
00:00:42For the last 25 years, it has been the best fast saloon.
00:00:49Which is a bit of a problem for BMW, every time they want to replace it, as Richard Hammond shall now explain.
00:01:04This is the outgoing M5 in action, and straight away, you can see the problem.
00:01:11It's brilliant.
00:01:14Big 500 horsepower V10 up front, naturally aspirated, it's just distilled essence of single malt driving pleasure.
00:01:26That gives BMW a problem much like that faced by the makers of Die Hard 4, or of Cheryl Collins' 2011 calendar.
00:01:35This is a personal analogy, but it works for me.
00:01:38The problem is this.
00:01:39Where to go next?
00:01:42Well, this is where they've gone next.
00:01:46It's the brand new M5.
00:01:48It costs £73,000, and on paper, it sounds like a much tamer beast.
00:01:54For starters, the magnificent V10 has been replaced by a more polar bear friendly V8.
00:02:05When you're driving along, you can certainly hear it.
00:02:09But then you would, because they've fitted it with a system that pipes a synthesized version of the exhaust note through the stereo.
00:02:16That's kind of cheating, isn't it?
00:02:22And thanks to additions like the seven speed double clutch gearbox, this new M5 now weighs 90 kilograms more than the old one.
00:02:33At first glance then, it seems like the M5's rock and roll days are over.
00:02:42Oh dear, I seem to have accidentally pulled up alongside the old M5 for what looks like the makings of a drag race.
00:02:49Yeah, there's a man in a white coat and everything.
00:02:54Three, two, one, go!
00:02:59Oh ho ho ho ho!
00:03:01That's some power!
00:03:04Getting ahead!
00:03:07Yeah, you see, this is probably a good time to tell you more about that V8.
00:03:12It's got two turbos, which gives it 552 brake horsepower.
00:03:1752 more than the V10.
00:03:20And more torques.
00:03:22A lot more torques.
00:03:24And it's quick!
00:03:28Yeah!
00:03:30Had you worried for a moment then?
00:03:34More firepower in the engine bay is just the first piece of good news.
00:03:39In the old M5, you've got a techno overload of 11 gear shift settings.
00:03:44In the new one, it's a more sensible three.
00:03:48And with that new twin clutch gearbox, the shifts are so fast, the gap between them can't even be measured.
00:03:55That's good.
00:03:57But it's not as good as the way this car simply devours corners.
00:04:01Unlike Porsche, with their new 911, BMW has not gone for electric steering, but instead stuck with old-fashioned hydraulics.
00:04:19And it's so much better for it. There's much more of that feedback. It actually lets you know which way the front wheels are pointed.
00:04:28With the settings in full track mode, you can smoke all day long.
00:04:32And when you've had enough of that, at the touch of a button, it becomes a completely different car.
00:04:43The old one was always a bit, you know, always straining at the leash.
00:04:53But this one, it can be a proper lunatic M5.
00:04:57Or a soothing companion when you just want to drive along the M5.
00:05:02See the motorway? The M.
00:05:06It's also more economical. It has a bigger fuel tank so it can go harder for longer.
00:05:13And then there's the ride.
00:05:14It's really, really good. Comfortable. There's no stupid, rock-hard, run-flat tyres.
00:05:22It feels better than a normal 5 Series.
00:05:28The new M5, then, is not only better than the old one.
00:05:32I'd say that as an all-rounder, it's actually the best car in the world right now.
00:05:38And in some ways, it reminds me of this.
00:05:40The BMW M1.
00:05:47In 1984, BMW actually took the engine out of that and put it in a 5 Series.
00:05:53And the original M5 was born.
00:05:56The point is, the M1 was the first supercar that could also be civilised in the real world.
00:06:05And that's what they've done here.
00:06:08Meet the new boss. Same as the old, old boss.
00:06:17See what I did there? It's a heck of a thing.
00:06:19And I'm asked to the hook.
00:06:21I have to say, that car, I'll tell you about the other day, it is epic.
00:06:26It is amazing.
00:06:27It's a phenomenal car. You like the M5 as well, don't you?
00:06:30The only problem with it is, is that in the past, you bought an M5 was worth it because it was so much better than an ordinary 5 Series.
00:06:39But the normal 5 Series now is so good, it's hard to justify spending the extra.
00:06:45Well, you're quite right. Have you driven the 530 diesel?
00:06:47What?
00:06:48It's stupendously good.
00:06:50And it's £30,000 less than an M5 and it's an almost completely perfect car.
00:06:55And did you know as well, actually, in the diesel, you can go, if you're careful, you can go almost a thousand miles on one tank full of fuel.
00:07:01Well, that's all you want, a thousand miles.
00:07:03Oh, God, how old are you two?
00:07:06Well, I haven't spent the last ten years being 38, unlike some people.
00:07:10It's a nice age, I'm going to do it again this year.
00:07:12No, actually, sadly, Hammond, we don't have time to cut you in half this week to see how old you really are.
00:07:18We've got a very busy show.
00:07:19We also don't have time, I'm afraid, to show you the Stig going round in the M5,
00:07:23but we can tell you we did it in a 1.29.2, pouring with rain, meaningless time.
00:07:28So what we're going to do now is move on very swiftly and do the news.
00:07:31Yes.
00:07:32And we begin with this.
00:07:34If you drive a car without a windscreen at 50 miles an hour, your face looks like this, okay?
00:07:40You established this very clearly last week.
00:07:42Now, if you take the speed up to 80, your face becomes this.
00:07:49So can you begin to imagine what your face would look like if you were to drive one of these?
00:07:55Inside out, I should imagine.
00:07:56I mean, this is the 217 mile an hour concept at the moment.
00:08:02Lamborghini Aventador J, has no windscreen, has no roof.
00:08:05And I can only imagine, Hammond, that if you were to drive that, your face would end up like that.
00:08:15And I don't know why you're laughing, James, because I've done some research on this.
00:08:19Have you?
00:08:20Yes, your face would look like this.
00:08:25Let's move on.
00:08:26The government is holding a big summit to try and find out how to prevent sat-navs accidentally steering people into fields and canals and onto railway lines.
00:08:33You know those cases.
00:08:34Yeah, yeah, yeah. Always really well.
00:08:35I heard this discussed on the TV in the news last week, and one bloke had contacted them to say,
00:08:39I was using my sat-nav driving along in my car, concentrating when I drove down a ramp past a lifeboat into the sea.
00:08:47Well, clearly, you weren't concentrating because you drove into the sea.
00:08:53The government summit just needs to say, if you allow your sat-nav to steer you into a field, or the sea, or a nun, it's your fault because you're a blithering idiot.
00:09:02No, you're not necessarily.
00:09:03It's said right, it cannot be the sat-navs fault.
00:09:05It isn't. No, honestly, a friend of mine, okay, lives in Knightsbridge in the middle of London,
00:09:09wants to go and see Chelsea play at Stamford Bridge, okay?
00:09:11Put Stamford Bridge into the sat-nav and only realized something was wrong while going past Peterborough on the A1 on the way to the town of Stamford Bridge,
00:09:22rather than the big football ground.
00:09:24I mean, how daft do you have to be to do it? It's a mile down the road.
00:09:27I was going to say, it can't be more than a mile.
00:09:29How thick do you have to be to believe what a digital pretend woman in the dashboard says over what you can actually see out of the window?
00:09:37I mean, the sea, for example, it's big, it's blue, the top of it wobbles around, and it's not suitable for most of it,
00:09:42but you know that already, you don't drive into it.
00:09:44Now, pay attention everybody, are you Mario Balotelli or Wayne Rooney, or that ginger one, Paul Scholes?
00:09:52Does your downstairs lavatory look like this?
00:09:55Nice.
00:09:56Anyway, if your downstairs loo does look like this, and you are a Premiership footballer, good news,
00:10:02because Bentley has made a new 4x4. Here it is.
00:10:05Yeah.
00:10:06No, it is just a concept at the moment, and it is also hideous and disgusting. Look at it!
00:10:12Did he step away from his design and go, yes, that's exactly what I wanted?
00:10:16Unless at some point he said, yep, that's my day's work done, I'm going home.
00:10:20Does anybody here like that?
00:10:23What?
00:10:24Yes.
00:10:25Seriously?
00:10:26That's because you're sitting behind the television and you can't see it.
00:10:29You see, it's not there, it's here. Look.
00:10:34Seriously?
00:10:35What?
00:10:36Do you have in your house those pillars either side of the front door that go clang, clang, clang when you hit it?
00:10:42No, but I like them.
00:10:43OK.
00:10:44Have you got two fake stone lions on either side of the gate?
00:10:48No, but I like them as well.
00:10:50This is my big fat gypsy wedding being played at.
00:10:53Right in a right hand.
00:10:55What's going on?
00:10:56And there's the car.
00:11:00The only way is Cheshire.
00:11:02There you go.
00:11:03Oh, now moving it along.
00:11:05A couple of weeks ago there was a report that said that the flashing blue lights on police cars were too bright and they were causing accidents because they were disorientating other motorists.
00:11:13Now, that's as may be, I have more of a beef with police car sirens.
00:11:18Too loud.
00:11:19Oh, massively too loud.
00:11:21Idiot.
00:11:22I think I live in a police siren testing area.
00:11:25Four o'clock every morning.
00:11:27Oh, Sarge, can I borrow the diesel luster?
00:11:29Go make sure the siren works.
00:11:30Oh yeah, go to Holland Park.
00:11:31Bring the fire brigade and the ambulances.
00:11:33They roar under.
00:11:34Are you too seriously suggesting that emergency sirens are too loud?
00:11:39They are.
00:11:40They have to be loud because they have to warn people to get out of the way.
00:11:44They need to be able to hear it.
00:11:45It's the people in front, but you don't need to know about it three miles away.
00:11:49To be brutally honest, the people in front, it would be perfectly okay if they just had a little bell on the roof that went ding-a-ling-a-ling.
00:11:54What's the point of waking me up in the middle?
00:11:57I can't move my house out of the way of the ambulance.
00:11:59It's irrelevant.
00:12:00They're not using the siren.
00:12:01They don't care about you in your boat hours at that time.
00:12:04They care about the people in the way in the traffic jam.
00:12:06They're going to make it like, get out of the way!
00:12:08Even if you wait, James May, it doesn't matter.
00:12:10I'm becoming increasingly fed up of the way you drive up to London from your house in Wales.
00:12:15Yes.
00:12:16Tell us how to live and then drive back again.
00:12:18We have to live there.
00:12:19Well, I don't actually live there, but stay there.
00:12:21And it's noisy and it's stupid.
00:12:23We don't come down and tell you lot to stop hanging witches.
00:12:26I've just been past this.
00:12:30Nice.
00:12:31At the back, okay?
00:12:32Everybody, can you hear this?
00:12:33Yes!
00:12:34Clear as, quite literally, a bell!
00:12:37It's for starting playtime!
00:12:39Not sounding an emergency!
00:12:40If I come here over there!
00:12:41And you're there going ding-a-ding-a-ding!
00:12:44I'll bet in Ross on why.
00:12:45They do use it.
00:12:46I bet they have a cowbell for it.
00:12:47They go ding-a-ding-a-ding!
00:12:48Richard Atman's barn's on fire, everybody!
00:12:50Send a trial down the world!
00:12:51It works for us.
00:12:53You can get on with your thing and stop complaining that there are other people in the city with you.
00:12:57Oh, now, next weekend, Formula One returns.
00:12:59And the big news there is that one of the old guard is back.
00:13:03But before that, he's here.
00:13:04Ladies and gentlemen, Kimi Räikkönen!
00:13:13Have a seat!
00:13:17So, there we go.
00:13:19Back in Formula One.
00:13:23How does it feel?
00:13:25How does it feel to be back?
00:13:27Very normal.
00:13:28I mean, the cars are the same.
00:13:29People are the same.
00:13:30Same story.
00:13:31I just want to clear it out.
00:13:32You're racing for...
00:13:33Because I'm a bit lost with Lotus.
00:13:35You're racing for Lotus...
00:13:37Renault.
00:13:38Uh, yeah.
00:13:42That's what it says on there.
00:13:44Yeah, that's what it says.
00:13:45It's Lotus-Renault, but then there's another Lotus.
00:13:47You've got Lotus that make cars in Turnipshire, but that's got nothing to do with this.
00:13:53No, no.
00:13:54I mean, I think it's really...
00:13:57The Lotus is just a sponsor.
00:13:59Oh, they're a sponsor?
00:14:00So, is it a Renault?
00:14:02No, it's a...
00:14:03You don't know who you're racing for, do you?
00:14:06It's a Renault factory that builds it, so...
00:14:07And you're sponsored by an anti-dandruff product.
00:14:08Yeah.
00:14:09Is that good?
00:14:10Seems to be working.
00:14:11Maybe you should try, huh?
00:14:12Yeah.
00:14:13Could be worse.
00:14:14Could be anusol.
00:14:15Now, I have to say, I sincerely hope your return is successful.
00:14:18Yeah.
00:14:19Really genuinely I do, because I love...
00:14:21I love it when you're in the Postgres press conference and they ask those big, long, convoluted
00:14:26questions.
00:14:27So, in the third corner, what do you say?
00:14:29What do you say?
00:14:30What do you say?
00:14:31What do you say?
00:14:32What do you say?
00:14:33What do you say?
00:14:34What do you say?
00:14:35What do you say?
00:14:36What do you say?
00:14:37What do you say?
00:14:38What do you say?
00:14:39What do you say?
00:14:40What do you say?
00:14:41What do you say?
00:14:42What do you say?
00:14:43What do you say?
00:14:44What do you say?
00:14:45What do you say?
00:14:46What do you say?
00:14:47What do you say?
00:14:48I mean, you can make it very complicated to answer but, I mean, you can also be straight
00:14:55and tell the true story, so usually it's much more easier.
00:15:00Is it a Finnish thing to be economical with words?
00:15:03I think there's a lot of different people in Finland, like they can tell a long, short
00:15:08way, but...
00:15:09For me it's easier to say the short way.
00:15:12How about you, I've got some of my favourite ones actually you've said.
00:15:16Well there was always the famous one where Michael Schumacher, when he got his lifetime achievement thing in Brazil from Pele.
00:15:21And Martin Brundle said to you, did you see the ceremony and you said no because?
00:15:26I was busy.
00:15:28He's taking a dump is what he said.
00:15:32I mean, I told the truth and the true story so...
00:15:36I fell off my chair laughing.
00:15:38I like this one, the helmet has a special meaning for many drivers, how important is it to you?
00:15:43And what you said, it protects my head.
00:15:47I just, I quite like, someone asked you what you thought, what do you think of the Abu Dhabi circuit?
00:15:53Um...
00:15:55Well you said the first few turns are quite good but the rest of it is sh**.
00:16:00For sure the last part is not very good, you cannot tell whether it's very twisted.
00:16:04It's catastrophically boring to watch cars race around there from our point of view.
00:16:09But I think there's quite many other circuits also, it's not just that.
00:16:12No it's, there are a lot of, but you start in Australia don't you this year?
00:16:16Yeah.
00:16:17And that's next weekend?
00:16:18Yes.
00:16:19Is that good?
00:16:20We hope.
00:16:21I mean, I don't know, nobody knows where everybody is.
00:16:25It's a bit complicated to say from testing but we will see in one week and hopefully...
00:16:29I think our car is not too bad.
00:16:31It should be pretty...
00:16:32Cars are not too bad?
00:16:33Yeah.
00:16:34Have you been hard, hard at work training to come back?
00:16:37Um...
00:16:38A little bit harder than normal so...
00:16:40Should be okay.
00:16:41Given up drinking?
00:16:42Not.
00:16:43Actually, did you meet the Stig today?
00:16:46Yeah.
00:16:47Do you realise you are his hero?
00:16:49Yeah.
00:16:50Did he say?
00:16:51He didn't speak a lot, I think...
00:16:53His work would be perfect for me so no need to speak, just drive around on different cars and...
00:16:58You didn't speak to each other?
00:16:59A little bit, yeah.
00:17:00He did actually speak to me, he said I always really, really like Kimi Raikkonen and he met you once before.
00:17:05Oh yeah?
00:17:06He was, well he wasn't drinking in a bar but he was in Monaco and he was standing in a bar.
00:17:11And then somebody collapsed, drunk, on his feet.
00:17:14Yeah, that was me.
00:17:15Yeah.
00:17:16He looked down and went, oh it's my hero.
00:17:20Hopefully he helped me then, huh?
00:17:22Now, is it true, I always wanted to check this out, before your very first race, okay, your very first race,
00:17:29is it true that you were found in your motor home 30 minutes before the race, fast asleep?
00:17:35Not in the motor home, I was, it was in Australia so we have just small boxes there so...
00:17:40But you were asleep?
00:17:41Yeah, under the table, I found a nice place but it's normal.
00:17:44I used to, I always sleep before the race, usually there's a little bit of time so...
00:17:49Really?
00:17:50Yeah.
00:17:51I like sleeping so...
00:17:53And then, was it before the Ferrari race that you entered a snowmobile race in Finland?
00:17:59Yeah, I think it was 2000, I've been a few times in a race but 2007, I don't know.
00:18:04But did Ferrari let you do snowmobile racing?
00:18:06Um, I didn't really ask but I guess...
00:18:10You have a very strict contract but as long as you don't get hurt too badly.
00:18:14Talking of which, show me your arm.
00:18:16Is this trick, no, under your shirt.
00:18:18It's okay.
00:18:19This is, what's that?
00:18:21It's this car.
00:18:22What from?
00:18:23Uh, some, uh, snowmobile I think.
00:18:27And that was recent?
00:18:29Uh, yeah, it was before Christmas.
00:18:30I heard it a little bit but, uh, I mean, I had a good doctor to fix it so...
00:18:36Let's have a look.
00:18:38That is a big...
00:18:39That's quite...
00:18:40Did you break it?
00:18:41A little bit.
00:18:42A little bit...
00:18:43Okay, so anyway, obviously you came down here to try it.
00:18:46Yeah.
00:18:47I have to say, the Suzuki Liana of course, the Formula One car, the old reasonably priced car.
00:18:52How was it?
00:18:53Um, it was better than I expected.
00:18:56So...
00:18:57And then, uh, it wasn't too bad.
00:18:59I was quite wet so I was slippery and I got a bit sideways a few times but, uh, it was good.
00:19:04Good fun.
00:19:05Who'd like to see Kimi out there having fun in Arliano?
00:19:08Yeah!
00:19:09Let's have a look.
00:19:10Here we go.
00:19:15Yep.
00:19:16That has begun.
00:19:18There was a nice helicopter on the left.
00:19:20Well, I think you've covered everything there.
00:19:21Yeah.
00:19:22Um...
00:19:23There you go.
00:19:24That's the line we like to see from Formula One drivers.
00:19:27Very wide.
00:19:28Well, that's just perfectly judged.
00:19:31May be much luck, huh?
00:19:32Oops.
00:19:33Oops.
00:19:34You see, oops, that's...
00:19:35We don't need any more than oops.
00:19:36Yeah.
00:19:37Yeah.
00:19:38Although it is a bit of a surprise to see a Formula One driver cocking up a gear change.
00:19:53Nice.
00:19:54You don't have to change gear in Formula One.
00:19:56It's much easier, but it's just...
00:19:57It is.
00:19:58It's not a bad car to drive it, man.
00:19:59You should be a road tester on Top Gear.
00:20:00Badness.
00:20:01And now back to the studio.
00:20:02We don't need to say any more than that.
00:20:03Hammond rabbiting on earlier about the M5.
00:20:04What's the point?
00:20:05Here we go.
00:20:06Setting to last corner.
00:20:07Unlike most of the guests, you've held it on the track, round Gambon, and there we
00:20:11are, everyone, across the line.
00:20:12Yeah.
00:20:13Now, these...
00:20:14These are the peeps from Formula One who have tried it before.
00:20:15Sebastian, your badminton partner, I understand.
00:20:16Yeah.
00:20:17At least I can see it.
00:20:18Yeah.
00:20:19Yeah.
00:20:20Yeah.
00:20:21Yeah.
00:20:22Yeah.
00:20:23Yeah.
00:20:24Yeah.
00:20:25Yeah.
00:20:26Yeah.
00:20:27Yeah.
00:20:28Yeah.
00:20:29Yeah.
00:20:30Yeah.
00:20:31Yeah.
00:20:32Yeah.
00:20:33Yeah.
00:20:34Yeah.
00:20:35Yeah.
00:20:36Yeah.
00:20:37Yeah.
00:20:38Yeah.
00:20:39Yeah.
00:20:40He's a badminton partner, I understand.
00:20:41Yeah.
00:20:42At least I can beat him in badminton.
00:20:43So...
00:20:44Can you beat him in badminton?
00:20:45Yeah.
00:20:46Every time.
00:20:47It's good to know someone can beat him at something.
00:20:49Yeah.
00:20:50Our fastest wet lap is Lewis.
00:20:53144.7.
00:20:54It's actually only mildly moist.
00:20:57Okay.
00:20:58Proper where it's probably Jenson Button.
00:21:00I'm just looking for a...
00:21:01No, it was...
00:21:02It was Webber, apparently.
00:21:03I've just been told.
00:21:04I hope I will be in top ten.
00:21:06Top ten?
00:21:07Yeah.
00:21:08Super okay.
00:21:09You're gonna make it.
00:21:11It's my prediction.
00:21:12I've got the time here.
00:21:14Kimi Raikkonen.
00:21:15You did it in...
00:21:16What was Webber?
00:21:17The only really wet one.
00:21:18147.1.
00:21:20You did it in...
00:21:221...
00:21:2440...
00:21:276...
00:21:291.
00:21:30So there we are.
00:21:32Oh, I'll tell you what.
00:21:33I haven't put a W on it.
00:21:34God, look at that.
00:21:35I've got to put the W on.
00:21:36There we go.
00:21:37It looks better now, so...
00:21:38It does.
00:21:39So we remember that.
00:21:40Well, Kimi.
00:21:41Huge pleasure to have you here.
00:21:42Huge pleasure to have you back in Formula One.
00:21:43Can I say, very, very best of luck with the season.
00:21:45Ladies and gentlemen.
00:21:46Kimi Raikkonen.
00:21:47You may remember that a while back, Chris Evans out of Radio 2 spent 5.5 million of his
00:21:52pounds on a very rare Ferrari 250 GT California Spider.
00:21:56One of only 56 ever met.
00:21:57Now, when I was a boy, this was always my favourite of the classic Ferraris.
00:21:58I've always wanted to drive one.
00:21:59One of only 56 ever met.
00:22:00Now, when I was a boy, this was always my favourite of the classic Ferraris.
00:22:01I've always wanted to drive one.
00:22:02This is Chris's garage.
00:22:03A place where his mostly white collection of Ferraris is a very rare Ferrari 250 GT California
00:22:12Spyder.
00:22:13One of only 56 ever met.
00:22:16Now, when I was a boy, this was always my favourite of the classic Ferraris.
00:22:21I've always wanted to drive one.
00:22:23This is Chris's garage.
00:22:28A place where his mostly white collection of Ferraris, including an F40, a Dino and
00:22:35a 288 GTO, is pampered and entertained.
00:22:42Why did you choose white?
00:22:43Because obviously it's a big decision once you've decided white.
00:22:46Well, they were all going to be different colours, but we couldn't figure out which colour
00:22:49to paint the Dino.
00:22:50So we said, let's paint the Dino white.
00:22:52And the Dino was the first one finished.
00:22:54And it looked so good in white, we said, what the hell, let's do more white.
00:22:57When I'd listened politely for a well-mannered amount of time.
00:23:01It's got the nod to the GTO.
00:23:03250 short wheelbase.
00:23:05I got to the real reason for my visit.
00:23:08Where's the California?
00:23:10It's over there.
00:23:13Can we see it?
00:23:14I've just taken my shoes off to go through this fair.
00:23:17Yeah, absolutely.
00:23:18Come on.
00:23:19Sort it out.
00:23:20I've never ever been asked to take my shoes off in a garage before.
00:23:24Oh, look at that.
00:23:26Oh, man.
00:23:27May I?
00:23:28Yeah, of course.
00:23:29Oh.
00:23:30Oh.
00:23:31Wow.
00:23:32Can I have a go?
00:23:33What do you mean?
00:23:34Hmm?
00:23:35What do you mean?
00:23:36Can I drive it?
00:23:37Well, out of here.
00:23:38Yeah.
00:23:39It is me.
00:23:40If it was pinky or perky, I could understand your reticence.
00:23:44But I'm a kept con up.
00:23:45Chris, I've waited all my life just to stand next to one of these.
00:23:47I know it was expensive.
00:23:48I know.
00:23:49But I will never get another chance.
00:23:51I will never get another chance.
00:23:53What do you mean?
00:23:54What do you mean?
00:23:55Can I drive it?
00:23:56Well, out of here.
00:23:57Yeah.
00:23:58It is me.
00:23:59If it was pinky or perky, I could understand your reticence.
00:24:01But I'm a kept con up.
00:24:02Chris, I've waited all my life just to stand next to one of these.
00:24:05It was expensive, but I will never get another chance.
00:24:14Take it out.
00:24:15Be careful.
00:24:16Of course.
00:24:17Avoid standing water.
00:24:19I do this in my Fiat Panda.
00:24:21Yeah, I know.
00:24:22I'm sure you do.
00:24:23Just be careful with it.
00:24:24Of course I'll be careful.
00:24:25All right.
00:24:27Yeah.
00:24:28I appreciate it.
00:24:30Before I set out, Chris insisted we put the roof up in case it rained.
00:24:34Hmm.
00:24:35That doesn't really work, does it?
00:24:38Well, that doesn't work at all.
00:24:40Oh, no.
00:24:42How much was it?
00:24:43Oh, God.
00:24:47With the roof abandoned, I set off in one of the world's rarest cars.
00:24:52Already starting to wish that Chris had said no.
00:24:59Right, there is a car coming.
00:25:01It's a long way off, but this could cut out.
00:25:03You never know.
00:25:04It's an old car.
00:25:05So let's just hold back.
00:25:06Go.
00:25:07Go.
00:25:08Go.
00:25:09Go.
00:25:10Right.
00:25:11I'm on real roads with real cars.
00:25:13Those people might be trying to send a text.
00:25:14Those people over there may have been drinking.
00:25:16This is a fantastic moment in my driving life, but it is rather being spoiled by the thought
00:25:17of 5.6 million pounds.
00:25:185.6 million pounds.
00:25:19It's a bit like being given an original Rembrandt.
00:25:50Friday night.
00:25:51No, I can't honestly say I'm enjoying it.
00:25:56Don't reverse.
00:25:57Get off the phone.
00:26:00Oh, God.
00:26:01Not here.
00:26:02Oh, don't say you want to go backwards.
00:26:07Steady, steady.
00:26:09I think I'm going to get away.
00:26:10Yes.
00:26:11Freedom.
00:26:12And then things got slightly worse.
00:26:13Be careful.
00:26:14The car is very valuable.
00:26:15Mind the car.
00:26:16Stay away from the car.
00:26:17Those pesky kids.
00:26:18The car is very valuable.
00:26:19The car is very valuable.
00:26:20Mind the car.
00:26:21Stay away from the car.
00:26:22Those pesky kids were the last straw.
00:26:23So I went and hid.
00:26:24In Windsor Park.
00:26:25And relax.
00:26:28I think I'm going to get away.
00:26:29Yes.
00:26:30Freedom.
00:26:32And then things got slightly worse.
00:26:34Be careful.
00:26:35The car is very valuable.
00:26:37Mind the car.
00:26:38Stay away from the car.
00:26:39Those pesky kids were the last straw.
00:26:44So I went and hid.
00:26:45In Windsor Park.
00:26:47And relax.
00:26:50Relax.
00:26:53Right, the Ferrari 250 GT California.
00:26:57What is all the fuss about?
00:27:01Well, besides the fact that it's rare,
00:27:04the California has always been one of the most desirable Ferraris,
00:27:08built to allow wealthy West Coast Americans to soak up their sunshine.
00:27:14This car, for example, belonged to the film star James Coburn,
00:27:18who kept it for 23 years.
00:27:22Now, Coburn was one of Hollywood's petrolhead elite,
00:27:25along with Steve McQueen.
00:27:27In fact, it was Steve McQueen who persuaded Coburn to buy it
00:27:31from a Belgian dealership
00:27:33while they were filming The Great Escape together.
00:27:38The other reason this car is part of automotive royalty
00:27:41is quite simply because of its astonishing beauty.
00:27:48It was built by Ferrari's favourite metal worker,
00:27:53Sergio Scaglietti,
00:27:55who never really bothered with drawings,
00:27:57but beat out the panels using an artist's eye
00:28:00and a craftsman's hand.
00:28:03That's why it's said that no two Californias are exactly alike.
00:28:09But putting all the romance and history to one side for a moment,
00:28:12what's this car like to drive?
00:28:16It's fantastic!
00:28:20Yes, it is!
00:28:22Come on!
00:28:27And you can tell it's an old Ferrari.
00:28:29The steering wheel is enormous.
00:28:31The driving position is ridiculous.
00:28:34The pedals are actually over near that tree somewhere.
00:28:37But it's lovely.
00:28:38It's so special.
00:28:40I can actually feel the wood on the steering wheel
00:28:46flexing slightly as we go over bumps.
00:28:50Its 3.0-litre V12 produces just 280 horsepower,
00:28:54and 0-60 takes around 8 seconds.
00:28:58Slow by modern Ferrari standards,
00:29:00but that's not the point.
00:29:02Cars like this,
00:29:04the performance is not about the figures,
00:29:06it's about the nature of the delivery.
00:29:08You get it above about 3,500 RPM,
00:29:12I'll drop it down so you can see what I mean.
00:29:20California!
00:29:20I don't want to get emotional,
00:29:28but this is the realisation of a childhood dream.
00:29:32When I was seven or eight years old,
00:29:34I looked at pictures of this car,
00:29:35and I thought,
00:29:36I wonder if I will ever drive
00:29:38the Ferrari 250 GT California.
00:29:41And here I am.
00:29:42It's absolutely magical.
00:29:44I've met my hero,
00:29:47and I'm not disappointed.
00:29:50Really,
00:29:51it was time to give Chris's car back.
00:29:57But since he works on a breakfast show,
00:30:00I reckon he'd be in bed early,
00:30:02and he wouldn't miss it for a bit longer.
00:30:03So, in terms of looks,
00:30:18that or the 275 GTS?
00:30:20See, it's close.
00:30:21I agree, it's close,
00:30:21but I still think it's less.
00:30:22Yes, it's close.
00:30:23I still can't believe he let you drive that car.
00:30:28Well, why not?
00:30:29Well, because as we learned from when you play Monopoly,
00:30:30you are a liar and a cheat.
00:30:32You brought the bank down.
00:30:34Yes, you are Sir Fred May.
00:30:37You are.
00:30:38You should be made to hand back
00:30:39that honorary doctorate you've got.
00:30:41You should.
00:30:41Now we know more about...
00:30:42Hammond, we don't have time
00:30:43for any more arguing about Monopoly,
00:30:45because I need a slash.
00:30:46And luckily, we've got one.
00:30:48He's over there!
00:30:54Look who's here!
00:30:56Hey, how are you?
00:30:58How are you?
00:30:59Look at that!
00:30:59Let's be here!
00:31:02Have a seat.
00:31:04Have a seat.
00:31:08Now, I think a lot of people
00:31:11would be surprised to discover
00:31:12that you grew up in Stoke-on-Trent.
00:31:16Yeah.
00:31:18I was born in Hampstead, London,
00:31:21but lived in Stoke.
00:31:22You know, Stoke gets a bad rap,
00:31:24but it's a great place.
00:31:25I went back there and played there,
00:31:26did my first concert there
00:31:28just last year.
00:31:29This is with the new solo.
00:31:31Yeah, yeah.
00:31:31And it was great.
00:31:32We had a blast.
00:31:33So you were in Los Angeles
00:31:34by the age of...
00:31:35Six.
00:31:36Six.
00:31:37Oh, so it was a very short time
00:31:38in Stoke-on-Trent.
00:31:39Well, I am fascinated by one thing.
00:31:42Your parents, okay?
00:31:43Your mum is an African-American, okay?
00:31:45Now, she designs costumes for the likes of...
00:31:48Or did design for the likes of Joni Mitchell
00:31:50and David Bowie, yeah?
00:31:51Your dad did album covers for Neil Young,
00:31:54among others.
00:31:55Paint a picture with these parents like they were, okay?
00:31:58Paint a picture of what it was like growing up
00:32:00in Los Angeles.
00:32:02Basically, both my parents were hippies,
00:32:04both involved in music.
00:32:06Everybody was an artist.
00:32:07It was just a very bohemian,
00:32:09very, you know,
00:32:10artistic, creative environment.
00:32:12In that whole neighborhood,
00:32:13there was Frank Zappa,
00:32:14there was Jim Warrison,
00:32:15the Beatles.
00:32:16It was actually before they formed,
00:32:18like, Glenn Frey
00:32:18and a bunch of those guys.
00:32:20We had to watch Top of the Pops
00:32:21and you had them actually
00:32:22around your breakfast table.
00:32:23That's deeply irritating to me.
00:32:26Can I just ask,
00:32:28did your mother do your outfits
00:32:29since she's a costume designer?
00:32:31Well, she did actually make me
00:32:33one of the coolest pairs
00:32:34of leather pants I ever had.
00:32:35Why do you always wear leather trousers?
00:32:38I've always just thought
00:32:39that they were cool looking
00:32:39and, you know,
00:32:41you can get away with
00:32:42not washing them
00:32:44for a long period of time.
00:32:46And the hat?
00:32:48What gave me the idea
00:32:49to wear Brunel's hat?
00:32:51The hat came from
00:32:54when I was in the early days
00:32:56of Guns N' Roses.
00:32:57I was walking around
00:32:58Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles
00:33:00looking for some clothes
00:33:01because we had a show that night
00:33:02and I don't have any money
00:33:03so I'm just sort of wandering around
00:33:05just looking in windows and stuff
00:33:07and for some reason
00:33:07I saw the top hat in the window
00:33:09so I went in there
00:33:10and I looked at it
00:33:11and I tried it on
00:33:12and it just sort of felt really cool
00:33:13so I just walked out
00:33:14of the store with it
00:33:15and I figured
00:33:16I'd just say
00:33:17I forgot to pay for it
00:33:18or something like that.
00:33:19You stole the hat?
00:33:20Yeah, and then I went next door
00:33:21and I stole a concho belt
00:33:23and I cut it up
00:33:24and put it around the top
00:33:25and I've been wearing it.
00:33:25You do know this show is shown in America.
00:33:28It's okay.
00:33:29It was long enough ago.
00:33:30The statue's up by now.
00:33:31Okay, so you're going to get away
00:33:32with the stolen hat.
00:33:33Well, there you are.
00:33:33There's a bit of gossip we didn't know
00:33:35slash wear stolen clothing.
00:33:38And you've got a new solo album out.
00:33:40Yeah.
00:33:40Is that it?
00:33:41This is, well, yeah.
00:33:42This is the classic rock version of it
00:33:44where it comes with this thing
00:33:45which is a fan pack
00:33:46and it's like a magazine
00:33:47filled with all kinds of stuff
00:33:48about myself and the band
00:33:50and the guys in the band
00:33:51or whatever
00:33:51and then that's the actual CD.
00:33:53And that's pretty cool.
00:33:53It's called Apocalyptic Love.
00:33:55Right.
00:33:56It's the title of one of the songs
00:33:57on the record
00:33:58and it's basically
00:33:59sort of a tongue-in-cheek thing
00:34:00about, you know,
00:34:01sexual relations
00:34:02on the eve of the apocalypse.
00:34:08Well, you'd like to
00:34:08get one in before you...
00:34:11Now, obviously you had a hard life
00:34:17in Guns N' Roses,
00:34:18I would imagine.
00:34:19It's pretty edgy, yeah.
00:34:20But these days,
00:34:22am I right in thinking
00:34:23you're completely clean
00:34:25and completely off everything?
00:34:27Today, yeah.
00:34:30Have you still got
00:34:30the snake collection?
00:34:32I have one snake now.
00:34:33I used to have a vast collection.
00:34:35Upwards of 90 snakes
00:34:36at any given time
00:34:38for a long while there
00:34:39and then just before London,
00:34:41my oldest son was born
00:34:42because they were all big
00:34:44constrictors
00:34:45and, you know,
00:34:46upwards of 10 foot
00:34:47and I just had this
00:34:48really cold feet
00:34:49that we should probably
00:34:50get rid of all these snakes.
00:34:52We're having a boy
00:34:53and I know
00:34:54that's maybe an issue.
00:34:55Yeah.
00:34:56Which one of you?
00:34:57That can happen.
00:34:59Now,
00:35:00I'm sorry for taking up
00:35:02so much time
00:35:02to talk about
00:35:03the Rock and Roll lifestyle
00:35:04because I like that.
00:35:04I know that you're here
00:35:06to talk about cars
00:35:07because you like them.
00:35:08You'll all be relieved to hear.
00:35:11So,
00:35:12what was your first car?
00:35:14My first car
00:35:15that I paid for
00:35:16with my own money
00:35:17was a Honda CRX.
00:35:19No way!
00:35:19I had a Honda CRX.
00:35:21Yeah.
00:35:21It was fantastic.
00:35:22It was a cool-looking little car.
00:35:24But eventually,
00:35:25I gave it to my brother
00:35:25and then I got a
00:35:261966 427 Corvette Coupe.
00:35:31The classic Corvette.
00:35:34That's a bit of a leap
00:35:35from a Honda CRX
00:35:36to a Corvette.
00:35:37It's a great car.
00:35:38I mean,
00:35:38I did a couple 360s
00:35:40on Sunset with that car
00:35:41because it was so powerful.
00:35:42I didn't know
00:35:43what I was doing
00:35:43when I first bought it.
00:35:44So,
00:35:44what have you got now?
00:35:46I have an Aston Martin.
00:35:48It's my favorite car.
00:35:49Really?
00:35:50Ever since I was a little kid,
00:35:51James Bond,
00:35:52it's, you know,
00:35:52but I could never afford one
00:35:53when I got sober.
00:35:54Well, you look so similar.
00:35:55Right.
00:35:56When I got sober,
00:35:58my reward to myself
00:35:59was to buy an Aston Martin.
00:36:01And which one did you get?
00:36:02Well, I got a Vanquish
00:36:03the last year
00:36:04that they had that.
00:36:05A lot of gearboxes.
00:36:06Yeah,
00:36:07but it was,
00:36:07you know,
00:36:07it was a cool car for a while.
00:36:08I got a lot of tickets
00:36:09in that car.
00:36:10And then I traded that
00:36:11for the DBS,
00:36:12which I had for a little while.
00:36:13And then,
00:36:14but I saw the V12 Vantage
00:36:16and I thought,
00:36:17I've got to have one of those.
00:36:18So,
00:36:18I traded the DBS for this.
00:36:19So,
00:36:20you traded a DBS
00:36:21for a V12
00:36:22and which do you think
00:36:23is better?
00:36:24I have more fun
00:36:25in the V12 Vantage.
00:36:26Really?
00:36:27The Vantage is just,
00:36:29you know,
00:36:29which is a little bit smaller
00:36:30and because that engine's
00:36:31so big,
00:36:32it just makes it
00:36:33that much scarier
00:36:34of a car in this one.
00:36:36So,
00:36:36your lap,
00:36:37how was it out there?
00:36:38It was actually pretty tricky
00:36:40when I first got,
00:36:41I didn't,
00:36:41I mean,
00:36:42the way your track's laid out
00:36:43is it's not really there.
00:36:45It's sort of made up.
00:36:49You saw your sober.
00:36:50No,
00:36:51it's,
00:36:51it's,
00:36:52it's the gray bit,
00:36:53the green,
00:36:54the gray.
00:36:54I know,
00:36:54but it's,
00:36:55it's got all kinds
00:36:55of turns and stuff
00:36:56that are sort of,
00:36:57you know,
00:36:58penciled in.
00:36:59Who would like to see
00:37:01Slash's lap?
00:37:02I would.
00:37:04Here it is.
00:37:05Let's have a look.
00:37:06I didn't want that.
00:37:09Look at that.
00:37:10Here go.
00:37:11I know.
00:37:13God damn it.
00:37:15Did you just say,
00:37:16oops,
00:37:16we know that from Kimmy.
00:37:18Oh,
00:37:18I say,
00:37:18now that's,
00:37:19state clear.
00:37:22Silent.
00:37:24The wild man of rock.
00:37:26All right,
00:37:27brake on this one.
00:37:29Braking for Chicago
00:37:30and driving around a corner
00:37:32in a brown car.
00:37:35All right,
00:37:36let's not f*** this up.
00:37:38Now,
00:37:39sometimes when a car looks slow,
00:37:42it can be fast,
00:37:43but I've got a sneaking suspicion
00:37:45this looks slow
00:37:46because it sort of is.
00:37:49Pretty slow.
00:37:50This guy's got a lot of balls.
00:37:55I think you're referring to our cameraman.
00:37:57He just stands there.
00:37:57He does, yeah.
00:37:58He does,
00:37:58I know he does everything.
00:37:59It's like the exit of the apex.
00:38:01Somebody will get in one day.
00:38:05All right,
00:38:05how are we doing there?
00:38:07Oh,
00:38:07yeah,
00:38:08braking.
00:38:08This is the hardest part of the track.
00:38:10Very hard,
00:38:11but at that speed,
00:38:11it's not as hard as you might think.
00:38:14Well,
00:38:14when I did it faster,
00:38:16when I did it faster,
00:38:17I ended up all the way on the grass.
00:38:18This is the board.
00:38:30Bearing in mind,
00:38:30it's raining out,
00:38:31so it's wet.
00:38:32Mostly the wets are down here.
00:38:34So where do you think?
00:38:35I don't know.
00:38:36You tell me.
00:38:36Oh,
00:38:37I'm going to.
00:38:38I'm not guessing.
00:38:39You're leaning forward.
00:38:41It's always a sign.
00:38:42It's been an interesting day.
00:38:43I'm dying to see
00:38:44what the result of all that was.
00:38:46Mr. Slash.
00:38:47You did it.
00:38:50In
00:38:50one
00:38:5340
00:38:579.8
00:39:00along with Will.i.am
00:39:11and Peter 23 from Essex,
00:39:13who you probably don't know.
00:39:15But I was faster than Angelina Jolie,
00:39:17so that's good.
00:39:18That's not actually Angelina Jolie.
00:39:22Is that Alice Cooper down there?
00:39:24Alice Cooper.
00:39:24Yeah,
00:39:25you're faster than Alice Cooper.
00:39:26There's an only real rock guy on there,
00:39:28so.
00:39:28It's that rock and roll thing.
00:39:29Perhaps it's all blurry.
00:39:30Who knows?
00:39:32Anyway,
00:39:33ladies and gentlemen,
00:39:33it has been an enormous pleasure
00:39:35to have you here.
00:39:35Thank you so much for coming.
00:39:37Slash!
00:39:37Thank you very much.
00:39:41It was amazing.
00:39:43It's boring in the back.
00:39:47Is that you blowing that part?
00:39:50Oh, come on.
00:39:51Good luck.
00:39:53Now, moving on.
00:39:55And we move on, surprisingly,
00:39:57to golf.
00:39:57It is very popular.
00:39:59There are 4 million golfers
00:40:01in the UK alone.
00:40:02Yeah,
00:40:03now that is almost 8%
00:40:04of the adult population.
00:40:06And we can't really understand this
00:40:07because as far as we can make out,
00:40:09golf is extremely boring.
00:40:11It is also ruinously expensive.
00:40:14A decent set of bats
00:40:14is going to set you back
00:40:16a thousand pounds.
00:40:17And then we rang a golf club
00:40:19in High Wiccan the other day,
00:40:19not Wentworth,
00:40:21and annual membership there
00:40:22is a thousand pounds.
00:40:24Yeah,
00:40:24and then you've got...
00:40:24So it's two grand
00:40:25before you even start.
00:40:26Well, it keeps going.
00:40:27Then you've got the stupid jumpers
00:40:28and the shoes
00:40:29and the Rupert the Bear Trousers.
00:40:30It all adds up.
00:40:31And there's the cost
00:40:32of joining the Freemasons.
00:40:33Exactly.
00:40:34So we were wondering,
00:40:36could you do
00:40:37motor racing
00:40:38for less?
00:40:40We tend to think of motor racing
00:40:41as being catastrophically expensive,
00:40:44but is that necessarily the case?
00:40:45We decided to find out.
00:40:47We each bought a set of wheels,
00:40:49converted them into races
00:40:50as cheaply as possible,
00:40:51and met up
00:40:51at the Lydden Hill racetrack
00:40:53in Kent.
00:40:57Race day dawned
00:40:58and Richard and I
00:40:59were there good and early
00:41:00with the cars
00:41:01we'd bought.
00:41:03This is a
00:41:04150 mile an hour
00:41:06BMW 328i
00:41:08for which I paid
00:41:09£795.
00:41:13Nice.
00:41:13No, it looks good.
00:41:14It's a lot of cars.
00:41:15You paid what for this?
00:41:16This is a Citroen Saxo VTS 1.6
00:41:18for which I paid
00:41:19£550.
00:41:21And it's a nice one.
00:41:21It is a nice one.
00:41:22It's all right.
00:41:23That is in really good nick.
00:41:24It's a hot little car.
00:41:26Then James arrived
00:41:28in a Toyota MR2.
00:41:30That is a surprise.
00:41:32That is an unexpected call.
00:41:34I thought he'd have lost
00:41:35an A35.
00:41:36Morning.
00:41:37May.
00:41:38How much was that?
00:41:40£450.
00:41:42Seriously,
00:41:43450 quid?
00:41:44Yep.
00:41:44So we've got
00:41:46mid-engined
00:41:46rear drive,
00:41:47front engine
00:41:48front drive,
00:41:49rear drive front engine.
00:41:51That's a 328.
00:41:52I know.
00:41:53But have you seen this?
00:41:54It's brilliant, this.
00:41:55I'm going to have to say,
00:41:57and I wouldn't normally say it,
00:41:58obviously,
00:41:58but your cars look terrific.
00:42:00Hammond.
00:42:00Yes.
00:42:01Blood type.
00:42:02Yes.
00:42:03Red.
00:42:03Well, it is.
00:42:04It's red.
00:42:05I've checked.
00:42:05Er...
00:42:05Stuck a pin in it.
00:42:07B?
00:42:07B?
00:42:08B minus.
00:42:09I don't know what I am.
00:42:10That's an exam result.
00:42:11I just made it.
00:42:11It's just a letter in there.
00:42:12It's what I'm used to seeing on front.
00:42:14I wasn't sure,
00:42:15so I've put A, B plus,
00:42:16because that way I get the lot,
00:42:17so one of them will be right.
00:42:20Um,
00:42:20as you can see,
00:42:21obviously,
00:42:22I've put stickers on mine.
00:42:23Yeah, where did you...
00:42:24Well, it's the BBC...
00:42:25You have to have stickers
00:42:26on a racing car.
00:42:28Tragile roof.
00:42:28I know,
00:42:29but the BBC doesn't allow
00:42:30brand names, does it?
00:42:30So I'll put health and safety notices
00:42:32all over it,
00:42:32because that's what the BBC likes.
00:42:34Now,
00:42:34we should explain at this point
00:42:36that there are certain
00:42:37safety requirements
00:42:38that you have to fulfil
00:42:40before you go motor racing,
00:42:42so you have to put a roll cage,
00:42:44proper seat,
00:42:45harness,
00:42:45electrical cut-off,
00:42:46fire extinguisher,
00:42:47and the total cost
00:42:48of doing all that on mine
00:42:49was around £1,000.
00:42:52Yeah.
00:42:52Yours a bit less.
00:42:53A bit less,
00:42:53because there's less roll cage in it,
00:42:55so it brings it up to £1,400 for the lot.
00:42:57And yours is?
00:42:58£1,430.
00:42:59So, £1,400,
00:43:00£1,800,
00:43:02all in.
00:43:03So,
00:43:04for the price of a bag full of golf bats,
00:43:06we were ready to go
00:43:07to motor racing.
00:43:08And the motor racing we'd selected
00:43:10was rallycross.
00:43:12The beauty of this is that
00:43:17half the track is tarmac
00:43:18and half is gravel and mud.
00:43:20As they turn into the loose...
00:43:22Oh, gosh, I didn't know what's happening.
00:43:24So, you get to do
00:43:25high-speed circuit driving
00:43:27and slidey rally stuff
00:43:29all in the same brakes.
00:43:31Do you know,
00:43:32I used to love rallycross.
00:43:35Yeah.
00:43:35At Grandstand,
00:43:36the world of sport,
00:43:37you had Dickie Davis,
00:43:38and you'd go,
00:43:38right, this afternoon,
00:43:39we've got fly fishing
00:43:40and athletics
00:43:41and golf,
00:43:42and you'd go,
00:43:42oh, no,
00:43:42and then,
00:43:43and rallycross.
00:43:44Yeah.
00:43:44And you had those tiny little
00:43:46televisions, didn't you,
00:43:46with the little black and white screen
00:43:47you were watching it on.
00:43:48You might have done it in Birmingham.
00:43:49Look at that.
00:43:52I know.
00:43:53But then he's got some actual track to do.
00:43:54He could be standing now
00:43:56with a Pringle jumper on,
00:43:58going like this.
00:43:58Waiting for the man in front
00:43:59to have his gun.
00:44:00Yes.
00:44:01Do you know the best thing about this
00:44:03is it's really simple.
00:44:06When we got to the driver's briefing,
00:44:08however,
00:44:08I realised I'd spoken too soon.
00:44:11OK, there's 18 of you.
00:44:13So, when you do your heats,
00:44:15if you finish first,
00:44:16you get one point,
00:44:17and we've got three sets of races,
00:44:18so there'll be three people
00:44:19with one point,
00:44:20three people with two points,
00:44:22three people with three points.
00:44:23If it comes seven twice,
00:44:24that gets 14,
00:44:25but you only end up seven.
00:44:26You get seven points.
00:44:27Why does it say
00:44:28one plus two equals two?
00:44:29No, no.
00:44:30Yeah, well, no,
00:44:31you only pick the best one.
00:44:33If we were doing three,
00:44:34we'd pick the best two.
00:44:35Three what?
00:44:36Three of your points
00:44:37from the heats.
00:44:38Hey.
00:44:40Happily,
00:44:40Captain Maths was on hand
00:44:42to explain that,
00:44:42in short,
00:44:43we'd all take part
00:44:44in two heats
00:44:45and at least one final.
00:44:47And with that sorted,
00:44:48we got to know
00:44:49the other drivers.
00:44:50I didn't work it out.
00:44:51I noticed from the entry sheet
00:44:52you're all called Gary.
00:44:55I'm not.
00:44:59Do you mind if I call you Gary
00:45:00just to keep everything clear?
00:45:02Just to be simple.
00:45:03Okay, but who is actually called Gary?
00:45:05You're Gary, you're Gary,
00:45:06and you're both in my class?
00:45:08Yep.
00:45:09So, you're racing
00:45:10in Gary class,
00:45:11are you?
00:45:11You are Gary Clarkson.
00:45:16I, meanwhile,
00:45:17was in the modified
00:45:18two-litre class
00:45:19and our heat
00:45:20was first.
00:45:22I've just got to do
00:45:23three laps,
00:45:24that's all.
00:45:25Three laps
00:45:26and try a lot
00:45:27to mess it up.
00:45:28Oh, look,
00:45:28we're getting lined up.
00:45:29This is the grid.
00:45:29This is it.
00:45:29This is it.
00:45:32Go!
00:45:33Oh, we're off.
00:45:34He's overtaken.
00:45:39Oh, my God,
00:45:39he's about second.
00:45:45He's not.
00:45:46He's third.
00:45:47This is good.
00:45:48This is good.
00:45:51Now I'll have it.
00:45:54Come on, come on.
00:45:55Oh, this is exciting.
00:45:57Oh, my God,
00:45:58he's overtaken.
00:46:00No, he hasn't.
00:46:01But this is genuinely
00:46:02exciting racing
00:46:03with James May in it.
00:46:04And remember,
00:46:06this costs less
00:46:07than golf.
00:46:08Just floats
00:46:09all over my chum.
00:46:11Oh, watch this.
00:46:14Oh, no!
00:46:15No, I've got it back.
00:46:18No, he's...
00:46:19Oh, he's lost it.
00:46:22I've broken something.
00:46:24Sod it.
00:46:26We must
00:46:26not
00:46:27laugh.
00:46:28No.
00:46:29When it gets bad.
00:46:32How bad is it?
00:46:34I suppose it's just
00:46:36that the wing's on the wheel.
00:46:37He's just pulling the wing
00:46:38off the wheel.
00:46:38What if the suspension's
00:46:39collapsed?
00:46:40Well, every time I braked,
00:46:40it just veered off.
00:46:42Do you know that momentarily
00:46:43you were in second place?
00:46:44Yeah, I know.
00:46:44You were third for a long time.
00:46:46It was extremely exciting.
00:46:46Next up in the stock hatch class
00:46:51was Professor Richard Hammond,
00:46:53who was still trying to get to grips
00:46:54with the scoring system.
00:46:56Six plus one equals one
00:46:58because that's the result
00:47:00they carried forwards,
00:47:02which means I could end up in
00:47:03final C,
00:47:05which C becomes before A.
00:47:08I'm just going to drive around
00:47:09as fast as I can.
00:47:16Oh, he's got a whistle.
00:47:17Not bad.
00:47:18Not bad.
00:47:19It's a blinding stone from Hammond.
00:47:24I love the gasta.
00:47:26The agile front drive Citroen
00:47:28was brilliant in the mud.
00:47:30Yeah!
00:47:31That I could have done
00:47:33with a bit more power
00:47:34on the tarmac.
00:47:36Haven't quite got the legs
00:47:37on this one up to the top.
00:47:39Might have.
00:47:41I break myself into that
00:47:42quite hard.
00:47:44Oh, he might have done it.
00:47:44No, he's not going to do it.
00:47:45Unless he can get
00:47:46a lot of speed down the hill.
00:47:49Oh, this is an epic battle
00:47:51for third place.
00:47:52Oh!
00:47:54Oh, no, wait.
00:47:55He's got to move.
00:47:56He's done a move.
00:47:56He's taken somebody.
00:48:00Oh, it's exciting.
00:48:01It's too exciting
00:48:02even with his speed.
00:48:09Oh, that was a punt.
00:48:12Football's playing the goal.
00:48:13Remember, football's playing the goal.
00:48:16He's not going to come third.
00:48:17That would be impossible.
00:48:20Come on!
00:48:21Come on!
00:48:25Yeah!
00:48:26Third place.
00:48:27That'll do me.
00:48:28Come on!
00:48:28Has anybody ever left a golf course
00:48:30feeling this high?
00:48:33Woo-hoo!
00:48:34High five!
00:48:36Hammond, that was absolutely
00:48:37Rostromore Hospital.
00:48:38I loved it.
00:48:39So third.
00:48:40That's exciting.
00:48:41Yeah, it's great.
00:48:42It was now my turn
00:48:44and I was a bit nervous
00:48:46because the big engine
00:48:47in my BM
00:48:48meant I was in the top
00:48:49super modified class
00:48:51where three of the Garys
00:48:52were former champions.
00:48:56Lonelyest man in the world.
00:48:58Get in there
00:48:58and be alone.
00:49:00Maybe others should go
00:49:01and play golf.
00:49:01No.
00:49:02No, because we need to see
00:49:03what golf is like
00:49:04in comparison.
00:49:04We need to prove our point
00:49:06which means you
00:49:06have to drive that
00:49:07against these people.
00:49:09Crack on, Clarkson.
00:49:10Go on.
00:49:12Kindly, James
00:49:13spent a few moments
00:49:14asking the other drivers
00:49:15to be nice to me.
00:49:17Don't be nice to him.
00:49:19Just Muller it.
00:49:22Hot man.
00:49:24And then
00:49:25it was time for action.
00:49:28Five seconds.
00:49:29Oh, they're good.
00:49:41Unbelievably though,
00:49:42I started to make up places.
00:49:45Oh, he's third.
00:49:46He's third.
00:49:46He's going to be kind of
00:49:47going out and drag that one
00:49:48and he is.
00:49:50Come on, Gary.
00:49:53Gary, I'm going to get you.
00:49:57Got Gary up my chuff here.
00:50:00And I'm trying to take Gary
00:50:02on the inside.
00:50:04Then the super modified Gary's
00:50:06put me in my place.
00:50:08Ow!
00:50:09Heavens, that was a big chuff.
00:50:13I may be off the tracks
00:50:14like him.
00:50:23Spurred on
00:50:24by the support of my colleagues,
00:50:25I chased after the pack.
00:50:29All right, come on, Gary.
00:50:30Let's go get him.
00:50:34But before I could catch up,
00:50:36the race was over.
00:50:39That was brilliant!
00:50:40And I was lost!
00:50:43Some of you at this point
00:50:44will probably be thinking,
00:50:45I'd like to do that,
00:50:46but what about safety?
00:50:47Well, the number of people killed
00:50:49last year in Rallycross
00:50:50was naught.
00:50:53The number of people
00:50:54killed on a golf course
00:50:56was,
00:50:57well, nobody knows,
00:50:58but it's many, many people
00:51:00god, that was good fun.
00:51:03And the fun continued
00:51:07for the rest of the afternoon.
00:51:09Loads of short,
00:51:10hard, fast action.
00:51:12And the racing was epic.
00:51:15Oh, look at that
00:51:15manoeuvre by the Mini.
00:51:16That was the girl, isn't it?
00:51:17That's Gary the girl.
00:51:19Gary the girl
00:51:19going round the outside.
00:51:23Oh, Gary the girl.
00:51:24I've never seen a race
00:51:34where two people
00:51:34are side by side
00:51:35all the time.
00:51:37In his second race,
00:51:39Richard got another third,
00:51:41despite a bit of a moment.
00:51:46Whereas in his next heat,
00:51:48Jeremy improved massively.
00:51:51I'm not lost!
00:51:52I'm not lost!
00:51:55I'm second to last!
00:51:57Then it was my turn
00:51:58and they put my
00:51:59hastily repaired car
00:52:00on pole.
00:52:04I'm ready.
00:52:07What a start.
00:52:09He's straight into the lead!
00:52:11James May is,
00:52:12there's no other word for it,
00:52:14winning!
00:52:18Oh, he's gone awful.
00:52:22Right.
00:52:25Now I've got some racing to do.
00:52:29Cock!
00:52:31Three completely blind laps later,
00:52:33I finished last,
00:52:35again,
00:52:36with yet another wound
00:52:37on my MR2.
00:52:39Oh, yeah!
00:52:41Mate!
00:52:44When the points
00:52:45from the heats
00:52:46all added up,
00:52:46we learned that Richard,
00:52:47with his two third places,
00:52:49had qualified
00:52:50for the B-class final,
00:52:52whereas James and I
00:52:53were in the final
00:52:54for losers.
00:52:57That means you and I
00:52:58get to race each other now.
00:52:59Oh, that went well,
00:53:00won't it?
00:53:01If you actually stop
00:53:02and think about
00:53:03the scoring system here,
00:53:04it's quite clever,
00:53:05because it means
00:53:06you always end up
00:53:07in a final,
00:53:08irrespective of how
00:53:09rubbish you are.
00:53:09The final for losers
00:53:15went well.
00:53:16James got up to third
00:53:17and stayed there.
00:53:19That was terrific, though.
00:53:21Did you see that?
00:53:21Did you see me all over him?
00:53:25And as for the orangutan...
00:53:27Jeremy, you're winning!
00:53:29You're absolutely winning something!
00:53:32Miracles have happened here,
00:53:33ladies and gentlemen, today.
00:53:35I have absolutely won a thing!
00:53:37The victory gave me
00:53:39a chance to wear
00:53:40my winning face.
00:53:43And there was
00:53:44another bonus as well.
00:53:47What are you doing here?
00:53:48Because I won
00:53:49the Spanner final,
00:53:50I'm allowed to go
00:53:51into this final.
00:53:53This is my final.
00:53:54I don't understand.
00:53:55We established in practice
00:53:56you're fast around here
00:53:58because you're used
00:53:58to driving on wet leaves
00:54:00and mud.
00:54:00Because I live in Wales.
00:54:02Exactly.
00:54:02Right now, I could be
00:54:08chatting to my cabbie,
00:54:11adjusting the tassels
00:54:12on my loafers,
00:54:13instead of which
00:54:14I'm sitting here
00:54:15on the wheel
00:54:16of my race car
00:54:17waiting to start.
00:54:19This is just
00:54:20so much better.
00:54:22What if I spoil
00:54:22Hammond's race in some way?
00:54:24I mean, I mustn't
00:54:25and I won't.
00:54:26I'm going to stay
00:54:27at the back.
00:54:27I'm not getting
00:54:28anyone's way.
00:54:29I shouldn't be here.
00:54:30That was a good start
00:54:40for me.
00:54:41That was right
00:54:42amongst the mid-boys.
00:54:44Bad start.
00:54:45Really bad start.
00:54:49Oh, you're coming.
00:54:51That's true.
00:54:56Come on, Gary.
00:54:58Out the way.
00:55:00Oh, he's got me
00:55:00on the grass.
00:55:03God, this fiesta's
00:55:04really aggressive.
00:55:08Oh, no.
00:55:09Look who's there.
00:55:11It's Richard Hammond
00:55:12is what it is.
00:55:15How did Jeremy
00:55:16make a laugh
00:55:16when he plays
00:55:17it in my final?
00:55:19I decided not
00:55:20to spoil his big race.
00:55:23Then I decided
00:55:24I would.
00:55:25Oh, yes.
00:55:30Come on, Beaver.
00:55:36Come on, now.
00:55:38Oh, he's left me again.
00:55:42No, I've got wide.
00:55:46Oh, that was a baby.
00:55:49There was now
00:55:50just one lap left
00:55:52to take Hammond.
00:55:53He's got more traction
00:56:01here, sunshine.
00:56:04Let me not be
00:56:05inside of you.
00:56:06There you go.
00:56:13Come on, now.
00:56:14Oh, Christ.
00:56:15Come on, baby.
00:56:18Come on, now.
00:56:20Let me not be inside.
00:56:26This is where
00:56:27he's got the power.
00:56:29I'll get him on the outside.
00:56:33He needed all the room
00:56:34in the world.
00:56:38Who's next?
00:56:40He actually turned
00:56:41his wheel there.
00:56:42The camera will reveal that.
00:56:44Come on, little Citroën.
00:56:46Everything you have.
00:56:47And there's a second flag.
00:56:57Second place.
00:56:59But an amazingly
00:57:00third place for Jesper.
00:57:03Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
00:57:07How good was that?
00:57:09That was
00:57:10absolutely
00:57:11brilliant fun.
00:57:13Two more different cars
00:57:14you can't imagine
00:57:15pitting against one another.
00:57:17Having a great race!
00:57:20That was tremendous!
00:57:26That was brilliant!
00:57:28I know.
00:57:29It was.
00:57:29One of the best days
00:57:30of my life.
00:57:31Really and truly.
00:57:33One of the best days
00:57:34of my life.
00:57:34We went to prove a point
00:57:35and we did.
00:57:36My hair actually feels
00:57:37like you're standing on end.
00:57:38You've got to ask the question.
00:57:40Why would you play golf
00:57:42when you can do that?
00:57:43I know.
00:57:43I mean, I'm not given
00:57:44to this sort of thing
00:57:45as you know
00:57:45but it was absolutely brilliant
00:57:47and I even enjoyed
00:57:48watching that last race
00:57:49with you two.
00:57:50And I'm sorry
00:57:50to keep banging on about it
00:57:52but this whole racing car
00:57:54costs less
00:57:55than this plastic bag
00:57:57full of sticks.
00:57:58I know but on
00:57:59the money front
00:58:00can I just inject
00:58:00a note of caution?
00:58:02If I were to be racing
00:58:03my little saxophone
00:58:03next weekend
00:58:04I would want to spend
00:58:05a hundred quid
00:58:06on some stiffer suspension.
00:58:08Yeah it was quite bansy.
00:58:08Very bansy.
00:58:09And I must say
00:58:09I'd want to do something
00:58:10about the rear end
00:58:11on mine
00:58:11because it was a bit
00:58:12well it was very tail happy.
00:58:14Yeah.
00:58:14And there is going to come
00:58:15a time when the children
00:58:16say mummy
00:58:17why aren't we having
00:58:17a holiday this year?
00:58:19Well daddy's spent
00:58:19all our money
00:58:20on shock absorbers.
00:58:22Yeah.
00:58:22It is going to run up
00:58:23but no it doesn't matter
00:58:24it really doesn't
00:58:25because as we've just proven
00:58:26Rallycross is brilliant
00:58:27and whatever you do
00:58:28I urge you
00:58:29get yourself a racing licence
00:58:30get yourself some cheap wheels
00:58:31find the nearest place
00:58:33to where you live
00:58:33where you can do it
00:58:34get out there
00:58:35and do it.
00:58:36Yeah.
00:58:36And all the Garys
00:58:37are really friendly.
00:58:38They are.
00:58:39Yes they are
00:58:39but the thing is
00:58:40the Garys are friendly
00:58:41but the Richards
00:58:43well they're not
00:58:44I'm sorry to bring this up.
00:58:45Eh?
00:58:45No on the last lap
00:58:47you tried to ram me
00:58:49off the track.
00:58:50I did not.
00:58:52Well you did
00:58:53it was attempted murder.
00:58:54It wasn't.
00:58:55It was.
00:58:56Alright look
00:58:57as we promised last week
00:58:58we'll have a proper
00:58:59stewards inquiry about this
00:59:00we have on board cameras
00:59:01we've got footage
00:59:02let's have a look at it.
00:59:03Fine.
00:59:04So here we go
00:59:05coming up to where
00:59:05the incident happened
00:59:06let's listen to what he says
00:59:07I have to shut the door
00:59:08on him here
00:59:09I'm sorry
00:59:09Ah!
00:59:10Ah!
00:59:10Ah!
00:59:11Ah!
00:59:11Ah!
00:59:12Ah!
00:59:12Ah!
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00:59:16Ah!
00:59:16Ah!
00:59:17Ah!
00:59:17Ah!
00:59:18Ah!
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00:59:19Ah!
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00:59:21Ah!
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00:59:45Ah!
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00:59:47Ah!
00:59:47Ah!
00:59:48Ah!
00:59:49Ah!
00:59:49Ah!
00:59:50Ah!
00:59:51Ah!
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00:59:55Ah!
00:59:56Ah!
00:59:57Ah!
00:59:58Ah!
00:59:59Ah!
01:00:00Ah!
01:00:01Ah!
01:00:02Ah!
01:00:03It's done.
01:00:04Absolutely.
01:00:05It won't do that.
01:00:06I don't care.
01:00:07That could have come last.
01:00:08You've got to be terrible if you want.
01:00:11And normally, of course, that would be that, but because it's the end of the series, we've
01:00:15got a bit of a treat for you.
01:00:16Oh, have we ever, because to play us out with his version of Jessica, Slash is back!
01:01:01I'll tell you what, he's a lot better at that than he is at driving.
01:01:11Hey, he's quicker!
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