- 2 days ago
The presenters attempt to solve flooding problems by converting a Ford Transit van into a functional hovercraft, testing it in real-world situations. Jeremy also reviews the Porsche 911 Turbo S. James Blunt is the studio guest.
Follow our channel for more car crazed mayhem. Alot more episodes to come that you don't want to miss. Like our videos and share with other car lovers!!
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Top Gear Season 21, Top Gear S21E04, Top Gear hovervan, hovercraft van challenge, Porsche 911 Turbo S review, Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, James May, James Blunt Top Gear, The Stig, Top Gear challenges
Follow our channel for more car crazed mayhem. Alot more episodes to come that you don't want to miss. Like our videos and share with other car lovers!!
Thank you for supporting our channel
Top Gear Season 21, Top Gear S21E04, Top Gear hovervan, hovercraft van challenge, Porsche 911 Turbo S review, Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, James May, James Blunt Top Gear, The Stig, Top Gear challenges
Category
🚗
MotorTranscript
00:00:00Tonight, I sit on a rock, James gets something in his eye, and Richard says,
00:00:16Thank you, hello, hello, good evening, thank you so much, thank you, thank you.
00:00:33Now, tonight's show, tonight's show is interesting, because we've all sort of reverted to type.
00:00:41Later on, Hammond is in the desert, driving like an idiot in a large and flamboyant off-roader.
00:00:48I'm in northern Italy, driving a rather elegant sports car, and James, well, actually, we're kicking off with James,
00:00:56who really is in his comfort zone, because he is on a Second World War airbase, talking about a car from the 1950s.
00:01:06This is the Stig, taking a Caterham to the ragged edge on our track back in 2008.
00:01:19That particular lap is something of an internet sensation.
00:01:23It's been viewed over a hundred times, and one of the reasons it's so popular is because that is the Caterham R500,
00:01:31the most powerful and extreme car they have ever built.
00:01:36Or rather, it was.
00:01:41Because its crown has just been stolen by this.
00:01:47The brand new Caterham 620R.
00:01:51Where the old 500 had 263 horsepower, this has 310.
00:01:56And since it weighs just 545 kilograms, it has a better power-to-weight ratio than a Bugatti Veyron.
00:02:06And I have driven a Bugatti Veyron, and I have to say, it was very civilised.
00:02:11So let's see how this compares.
00:02:17Oh!
00:02:18Whoa!
00:02:19Oh, God!
00:02:20Oh, God!
00:02:22Oh, God!
00:02:25God, that's spruzzled!
00:02:27That's something I can't!
00:02:28I can't see!
00:02:29Oh, God!
00:02:30Oh, God!
00:02:31Oh, no!
00:02:32Oh, no!
00:02:33Oh, ****!
00:02:39God, a Bug!
00:02:40That's not...
00:02:41That's not like acceleration.
00:02:43That's like being in a football when somebody kicks it.
00:02:45Ha-ha!
00:02:50With a helmet and goggles deputising for the windscreen, I tried once more to get to grips with the 620R.
00:02:56Obviously, you can tell from the way I'm screaming, I hear the racket here is tremendous!
00:03:14It's quite difficult to breathe.
00:03:17That's hardly surprising, since 0-60 takes just 2.8 seconds.
00:03:25And it's not like you can get your breath back in the corners.
00:03:33Jeez!
00:03:34Ahem!
00:03:37Right, this time, watch this!
00:03:42Oh, not again!
00:03:43Sorry.
00:03:44There's gonna be a lot of editing to do on this piece.
00:03:49Stick at it for several months, and you can bring the 620R to heel.
00:03:59I've done a whole circuit!
00:04:02And when you get your eye in, it's not a bad car.
00:04:05I mean, it's a little caterer.
00:04:07It's all very crisp.
00:04:09Very nice.
00:04:12Fantastic sequential gearbox.
00:04:14It's just that it's too much hard work.
00:04:19The trouble is, this is power piled on power.
00:04:23It can barely contain itself.
00:04:24It's like a teenager left alone with the internet.
00:04:28The wheels and the suspension can only just keep up with what's going on.
00:04:36It's not supposed to be like this.
00:04:38It's just a little sports car.
00:04:41However, I think I have an answer to the problem.
00:04:46You see, I think if you're going to build a minimalist car,
00:04:48you need to take a minimalist approach to performance and handling as well.
00:04:54It's no good just piling on more and more power.
00:04:57That's like trying to improve a curry by putting more and more chillies in it.
00:05:01What I'm trying to say is, well, catering needs to find a better Indian restaurant.
00:05:06Fortunately, it seems they're ahead of me on this one.
00:05:12Because alongside their new most powerful car ever,
00:05:16they've also come up with this, their least powerful car ever.
00:05:21It's called the 160.
00:05:22And it has just 80 horsepower from a tiny, turbocharged three-cylinder Suzuki engine.
00:05:33So, the engine is much smaller, but then so is the price.
00:05:37The 620R is £50,000.
00:05:40This is just £17,000.
00:05:43Admittedly, 0-60 takes a gentle seven seconds.
00:05:50And the top speed is only 100.
00:05:55But that's not the point.
00:05:59Top speed, 0-60, they're just numbers.
00:06:02They are meaningless in themselves.
00:06:06What matters is whether or not they add up into a sensation.
00:06:09And this delivers a tremendous sensation.
00:06:19The key to the 160's sense of fun is a set of super skinny tyres.
00:06:25They're only a tiny bit wider than a space saver.
00:06:28So, you only have to just twitch your foot a little bit.
00:06:34And you can slide around like Micah Hakkinen.
00:06:39Oh, lovely.
00:06:42Look at me.
00:06:46When you boil your tyres out, they're only 40 quinn each to replace.
00:06:51Even the Stig, who normally turns his snout up at anything with less than 500 horsepower,
00:06:57had an absolute bore.
00:06:58It has a windscreen.
00:07:04It'll do over 50 miles to the gallon.
00:07:08As far as I'm concerned, it's the best car Caterham has ever made.
00:07:13In fact, there's only one thing wrong with it.
00:07:16The way it looks, next to the latest stripped-out sports cars, like the Aerial Atom and the BAC Mono, it sits a bit like a typewriter in an internet cafe.
00:07:28I wonder if they could do something about that?
00:07:30As it happens, they're ahead of me on that one, too.
00:07:39This is the Aero 7.
00:07:42It's been developed with the help of the Caterham F1 team.
00:07:45And the great thing is, it isn't some static papier-mâché one-off built for a motorshow stand.
00:08:01What do you think of this, then?
00:08:03Positively down on the street by Caterham standards.
00:08:12Next thing you know, they'll have a fax machine.
00:08:15The Aero 7 isn't going into production for a year or so.
00:08:19And before it does, there's one major thing they need to fix.
00:08:24Ow!
00:08:26Car.
00:08:30It hasn't got a windscreen.
00:08:31Useless!
00:08:36Well, that's the car they've ever made.
00:08:38According to him, it is.
00:08:40The best car they didn't know.
00:08:43Slowest.
00:08:45So, James.
00:08:47Ah, so you don't like cars without windscreens.
00:08:49No, I hate cars without windscreens.
00:08:51I mean, that is the most idiotic idea in the whole history of motoring, isn't it?
00:08:55What is the point?
00:08:57What advantage is there about the windscreens?
00:08:58You might as well have a snorkel mask with no glass in it, then you get hit in the eyeball by fish all the time.
00:09:03It's that idiotic.
00:09:05James, before you have an aneurysm, there are one or two points that Hammond and I would like to make about some of the things you said in that film.
00:09:16Hammond, do you want to go first?
00:09:20Yeah, yeah. At 4 minutes and 58 seconds into your film, whilst referring to acceleration figures, you say, they're just numbers, they're meaningless.
00:09:30They are. I did say that.
00:09:31James, but a car that accelerates from 0 to 60 in 2.8 seconds is better than one that does it in 7 seconds.
00:09:37No, what I was actually saying...
00:09:39Also, at 3 minutes 51, you say, and I'm paraphrasing here, that giving it more power is like trying to improve a curry by adding more chillies.
00:09:48Hmm.
00:09:49That is how you improve a curry.
00:09:50No, it isn't.
00:09:51It is. Remember the chicken curry from school? It was screaming for more spice. It's what it needed is more.
00:09:57Yes. Then, James, at 5 minutes and 29 seconds, you said you were sliding around like Micah Hakkinen.
00:10:04I was.
00:10:05Yes, but you see, Micah Hakkinen is a Formula One driver and they don't slide around.
00:10:09Yeah, but when Micah Hakkinen took me out for a drive, he did slide around.
00:10:13Yes, but he's not known for sliding around.
00:10:16No, exactly. He might collect porcelain frogs, but you don't go around saying,
00:10:19I'm collecting porcelain frogs like Micah Hakkinen right now. It's not relevant.
00:10:24Exactly.
00:10:25Have you quite finished?
00:10:26Well, not really, because there's an awful lot to go through.
00:10:28But sadly, we must now find out how fast these cars go round our track,
00:10:33and that, of course, means handing them over to a man who can actually drive.
00:10:39Some say that he once put Helen Mirren in a dishwasher.
00:10:45And that at the Winter Olympics, he was disqualified from the skeleton event
00:10:50for riding down the hill on an actual skeleton.
00:10:55All we know is, he's called the Stig!
00:11:00And they are off.
00:11:02Oh, it's a bit damp out there. That may slow them down a bit.
00:11:05620R building up a command.
00:11:07Oh, no, there was the other one coming into shot at the last moment.
00:11:11First corner in the 620R, he's handling that well.
00:11:14No, still, oh, yes, we just saw the other one.
00:11:18And here he is, no music, obviously, to listen to today.
00:11:21Just the sound of that 2-litre Ford Duratec engine, supercharged in the 620R.
00:11:30Didn't use the 2.3 that they use in the BAC Mono.
00:11:33There he is at the back!
00:11:35Because it's too tall.
00:11:37He is actually struggling to get the power down.
00:11:39But he is getting it down beautifully.
00:11:45Right, follow-through next.
00:11:47Here he is, definitely lifting off.
00:11:50This is a magnificent example of car control from the Stig, in one of them at least.
00:11:56The other one, simply not there.
00:11:59Right, just, oh, good God, look at that.
00:12:02Nearly losing it at the exit of the follow-through.
00:12:04Handling it nicely, coming through.
00:12:07Into Gambon.
00:12:08Getting some opposite lock on before the corner.
00:12:11And across the line!
00:12:15Okay, we just have to wait now for James' favourite car to finish.
00:12:20The best car Caterham have ever made.
00:12:23There it goes.
00:12:27Any minute now, it'll be across the line.
00:12:31Okay, talk among yourselves.
00:12:34And there it is!
00:12:40Well, that.
00:12:42So we're not expecting any records.
00:12:43We certainly haven't got them.
00:12:45Right, the 620R, the car you didn't much like.
00:12:49That did it in 1.22.3.
00:12:52So, similar conditions, similar time to the magnificent Lexus LFA.
00:12:58Okay?
00:12:59Now, your favourite car?
00:13:01Not quite so fast.
00:13:03There's no other way of saying this.
00:13:07It was a 1.45.5.
00:13:10So, it's there.
00:13:12It's actually five seconds slower than Morgan's wooden tricycle.
00:13:19Good.
00:13:20And that's your favourite car?
00:13:23Of those two, yeah.
00:13:27And now, the news.
00:13:29And the news is that later on in this programme, Jeremy is going to try and prove to James and me that cars are better than bikes.
00:13:36Well, that's because they are.
00:13:37Well, they're not.
00:13:39Oh, yes they are.
00:13:40They're warmer than bikes.
00:13:42They stand up by themselves.
00:13:44You don't have to wear rubber trousers.
00:13:47They're faster.
00:13:49What faster?
00:13:50They are round corners.
00:13:51Well, they're not in a straight line.
00:13:53Yes, you see, that's what I'm going to prove later on, that they are faster in a straight line.
00:13:57Really?
00:13:58Yes, I am.
00:13:59Really?
00:14:00Yes, I am.
00:14:01But now we're going to do the proper news, okay?
00:14:03Now, you know all round the world there are museums for all sorts of silly things.
00:14:06There's a pencil museum in, is it Cumbria?
00:14:08It is.
00:14:09Yeah, pencil museum?
00:14:10Yes.
00:14:11There's an umbrella museum in Spain and a museum of the vagina in Japan.
00:14:17There is a penis museum in Iceland.
00:14:19Been there.
00:14:20It's very cold, all the exhibits are very small.
00:14:23The reason I bring this up is because in America there is a corvette museum, okay?
00:14:27There's a photograph of it here.
00:14:29Now, as we know, the corvette enthusiast in America is quite heavy.
00:14:33Yes, they're bigger gentlemen, are they now?
00:14:35Big boned.
00:14:36Well, one of them visited the museum this week and this happened.
00:14:39Ooh!
00:14:41Must have been a big one.
00:14:42That was a big hole.
00:14:43And apparently eight cars fell into it.
00:14:46There's a shot actually looking down.
00:14:47Look at that.
00:14:48Oh God, that's painful to see.
00:14:49Damage was estimated at $37.
00:14:52Was it?
00:14:54Was it?
00:14:55But actually we shouldn't mock because you know there was a sinkhole, which is what this is,
00:14:59that opened up on the M2 this week.
00:15:01Did you see that?
00:15:02On the central reservation.
00:15:03They closed the motorway for 18 hours.
00:15:05That, they kept the museum open.
00:15:09They did.
00:15:10But you can still see the cars.
00:15:11Yeah.
00:15:12I mean, I think we should applaud the Americans for that because that's a good attitude to help them safely.
00:15:17It is.
00:15:18Well done you.
00:15:19Oh, now.
00:15:20I'll tell you what.
00:15:21I've just remembered something else.
00:15:22Recently we were talking about those motorway gantry signs that flash up idiotic nannying messages.
00:15:29It was a sign photographed in America this week, okay.
00:15:32I think it was in Texas.
00:15:33There was a light snow flurry and some wag, and this is brilliant, posted this.
00:15:39Yes.
00:15:40Oh my god, is that snow?
00:15:41We're all gonna die.
00:15:42Yes.
00:15:43That's not like it.
00:15:44It's just fabulous.
00:15:45But actually that is what we should do because that is the British way.
00:15:49It is.
00:15:50It is.
00:15:51Self-deprecating, make fun of the situation.
00:15:52Yes.
00:15:53Make fun of the rules and regulations.
00:15:54I don't know who did this, but if you're watching and you ever come to England, I would like to buy you a beer.
00:15:59Yeah, I'll put a strawberry on it for you.
00:16:01Yes.
00:16:02Now, I've received a letter.
00:16:05May I just read it to you, dear Mr. Clarkson?
00:16:07You're gonna love this.
00:16:08I'm writing to you on behalf of the world-famous Madame Tussauds.
00:16:12Oh.
00:16:13Oh, they're not going to?
00:16:14Yes, they are.
00:16:15I'm joking.
00:16:16Yes, they are.
00:16:17Oh, no.
00:16:18They say, I have been highly requested, highly requested, to be immortalized in wax.
00:16:23Are you sure that doesn't say immersed in wax?
00:16:27No, immortalized in wax.
00:16:30How are they going to immortalize you in wax?
00:16:32Where are they going to get all the wax?
00:16:35Presumably they'll have to melt down everything else in Madame Tussauds to make one massive, hideous wax dummy of a hideous dummy.
00:16:43No, it's easy.
00:16:44They just get a very big candle, they light it, let it drip down the edges for a couple of hours and then just draw a face on it with a felt tip.
00:16:50That would look a bit like it.
00:16:52And what are they going to do with it when they've got it?
00:16:55Imagine children, we go to Madame Tussauds, we go to, what is it?
00:16:59It's going to be the first waxworks in history to be sculpted with a pickaxe.
00:17:03Yes, and a hammer.
00:17:05I want to see them sculpting it, because imagine once they've melted down enough wax, which is a lot.
00:17:10The size of the urn, it'll look like a scene from Lord of the Rings.
00:17:14With all these little orcs moving around the bottom, they're getting around the bottom.
00:17:17Big paw to create this hideous, hideous, grotesque, enormous thing.
00:17:22How are they going to fit it in?
00:17:23No, don't put it there.
00:17:24Put it in the Natural History Museum.
00:17:25Better still, next to the big brontosaur, just a big skeleton, just a big skeleton next to the brontosaur.
00:17:40So a big tyrannicist, what the hell is that?
00:17:43And then people can go and watch.
00:17:44Ladies and gentlemen, the sound of bitterness and jealousy from my colleagues there.
00:17:49I wish I hadn't brought that out.
00:17:51Now, as you've probably noticed last week, a Danish supercar called the Zenvo, came down here and caught fire.
00:17:56A lot of people are very shocked by that, but actually, it's not unusual for expensive cars to catch fire when they're first released.
00:18:03Ferrari had a problem with the 458, and then just this week, we've been hearing about Porsche GT3 problems.
00:18:09There's a shot here of one in Switzerland.
00:18:12The internet is awash with rumours of other examples of this.
00:18:16Porsche themselves admit it has happened in Italy as well, and have now suspended deliveries of the new GT3 to customers.
00:18:25Yeah, but what if you'd already taken delivery of your brand new?
00:18:29Your brand new and expensive GT3 that might catch fire at any moment?
00:18:32Well, we really need to ask a customer, don't we? He's just done now.
00:18:36Hammond!
00:18:37What?!
00:18:38You've just had a GT3 delivered, haven't you?
00:18:41Yes!
00:18:42Shut up! Shut up! Stop talking about it! Thank you, move on!
00:18:47It must be so depressing.
00:18:49Oh, God.
00:18:50Yes, it is.
00:18:51To have worked so hard to buy your dream car that is then immediately valueless.
00:18:56Oh, God!
00:18:57So, to try and cheer you up, Hammond, I brought you a small present.
00:19:01Oh, have you? Thank you.
00:19:02I love you.
00:19:03I mean, we don't often buy each other presents on this show, but I've done just that today.
00:19:08Monarch, they're actually GT3 branded driving gloves.
00:19:13Oven gloves!
00:19:16Funny.
00:19:17And...
00:19:18It doesn't just stop there.
00:19:19Oh, please let it stop.
00:19:20No, because I think we need to coat your car in the most fire-retardant material known to man.
00:19:29Pizzas.
00:19:30Oh, not your pizza theory, it's one of the stupid things.
00:19:33You...
00:19:34Yes, come on, Hammond, come with me.
00:19:35Really?
00:19:36Now, this is your actual GT3, yes?
00:19:38Yes, it is, actually, yes.
00:19:39We know this because there's a fireman standing next to it with an extinguisher in case it suddenly
00:19:46combusts.
00:19:47Good.
00:19:48What I'm going on doing, okay, is I'm going to take these pizzas, pop them on the car,
00:19:52yeah, and then apply a Bluetooth.
00:19:54No, no, you're not.
00:19:55No, you're not.
00:19:56I've seen you do this and you're not doing it to my car.
00:19:59No.
00:20:00But the ladies and gentlemen want to see if pizza is...
00:20:02I don't care not to my car.
00:20:04No.
00:20:05Can we attach them to you?
00:20:07Well, if you must, yes.
00:20:09Right, well, first of all, we need to establish...
00:20:11James, can I borrow you?
00:20:12Yes.
00:20:13First of all, we need to establish that these are pizzas, okay?
00:20:16Have a look.
00:20:17You will see there's no asbestos in there.
00:20:19They're real pizzas.
00:20:20Yes?
00:20:21James, perhaps you'd like to just take a bite?
00:20:23Yes.
00:20:24Let me just pull a piece off.
00:20:25Is that a pizza?
00:20:27Tastes like the cardboard box it came in, so it must be a good idea.
00:20:30Right, so those are the pizzas, okay?
00:20:32If you'd like to attach those to Hammond, that would be tremendous.
00:20:34Who's face?
00:20:35Um...
00:20:36His vegetables.
00:20:37Okay.
00:20:38Oh, really?
00:20:39Come on!
00:20:40Oh!
00:20:41Oh!
00:20:42Oh!
00:20:43That's ambitious, mate.
00:20:44That's by me knees!
00:20:45Now I'm going to fire up the blowtorch.
00:20:49There we go.
00:20:50Oh, God!
00:20:51Come on, no!
00:20:52This is ridiculous!
00:20:53James, how hot is the tip of this flame?
00:20:57Probably the best part of 800 degrees C.
00:20:59Enough to melt aluminium.
00:21:00Enough to melt aluminium.
00:21:01This is a real blowtorch.
00:21:02Look, I can demonstrate it.
00:21:04Fire on there.
00:21:05You can actually see it burning the table nicely.
00:21:08Yes?
00:21:09Oh!
00:21:10This is a real...
00:21:11Well, two layers of pizza, and a real Richard Hammond.
00:21:14Everybody ready?
00:21:15Yes!
00:21:16Wouldn't do it, Swim.
00:21:18Oh!
00:21:19Oh, yes, I would.
00:21:23Oh, no!
00:21:25Oh!
00:21:26Oh!
00:21:27Jeremy, that's quite a long time, isn't it?
00:21:29Not really.
00:21:30Stop it!
00:21:31I can smell burning sausage.
00:21:32Is that how that means?
00:21:33Can you see?
00:21:34Pizza.
00:21:35Pop it on your car.
00:21:36Ladies and gentlemen, Hammond is still here.
00:21:38That is...
00:21:39I think that is a Top Gear hot tip.
00:21:41We're going to move on.
00:21:42Because, you see, in the olden days, when James was 43, car makers would sell you a complete
00:22:05car like they do now.
00:22:07Or, they would sell you something like this, an engine, a chassis, and some suspension.
00:22:12And then you would take this to a coach building company, who would then fit a personalised
00:22:17body, personalised interior.
00:22:19You could have anything you wanted.
00:22:22And in the 30s, this meant there were some truly amazing creations.
00:22:28Back then, there were coach building companies all over the world, helping the wealthy to fulfil
00:22:40their wildest dreams.
00:22:43Anything was possible, and everything was done.
00:22:47Coach building meant that Clark Gable didn't have to have a car that looked like this.
00:22:53It meant he could have one that looked like this.
00:22:56Today, though, cars are built differently.
00:23:03You don't get a chassis with a body on the top, because the body sort of is the chassis.
00:23:10The pillars, the roof, the door frames, they're all load-bearing.
00:23:14So, changing anything is a nightmare.
00:23:17And this has meant that, for many years, coach building has been a lost art.
00:23:23Now, though, I'm delighted to say, it's back.
00:23:28Welcome, everyone, to the Alfa Romeo Disco Volante.
00:23:41One of the most striking, intelligent and unusual cars I've seen in a very long time.
00:23:53It started out in life as an Alfa Romeo 8C, but was totally re-bodied and re-upholstered
00:24:06by an old coach building company in Milan called Touring.
00:24:12In the 50s, they styled and built sports cars for Alfa Romeo.
00:24:25Later, they designed the Aston Martin DB5 and DB6.
00:24:31Along with the Jensen Interceptor.
00:24:35And the very first Lamborghini, the 350 GT.
00:24:41That is quite a CV.
00:24:44In recent years, however, they've been reduced to making mildly modified Bentleys and Maseratis.
00:24:51It's been like watching Dame Judi Dench reduced to appearing in a regional pantomime.
00:25:00But now, they've decided to bring the lost art of proper coach building back.
00:25:06With the Disco Volante.
00:25:08Certain structural and safety-related things can't be changed.
00:25:15The seatbelt mounting points, the windscreen, the suspension mounting points,
00:25:19they'll be the same on this car as they are on this one.
00:25:22It's like plastic surgery.
00:25:23You can't change the skeleton, but you can change the flesh.
00:25:27And that is what they've done.
00:25:29But has it worked?
00:25:31The simple answer is yes.
00:25:41It doesn't shake, it doesn't rattle.
00:25:44It doesn't feel like botched plastic surgery.
00:25:47You don't think every time you go over a bump,
00:25:49oh no, my nose is gonna fall off.
00:25:52It doesn't feel like Michael Jackson.
00:25:58Do you know what it does feel?
00:25:59It feels solid.
00:26:03It feels, and this is high praise for a hand-built car,
00:26:06it feels mass-produced.
00:26:13That said, it does not feel like the car that spawned it.
00:26:16It doesn't feel like an 8C.
00:26:22That's because they've softened the suspension,
00:26:25they've turned it from a stiff B-road barnstormer
00:26:29into a comfortable cruising machine, and I like that.
00:26:35There are loads of cars built specifically to attack a road like this.
00:26:41So it's quite refreshing to find one that allows you to savour it.
00:26:47Savour the view, savour the moment.
00:26:49So, it doesn't feel like an 8C.
00:26:58And it certainly doesn't sound like one either.
00:27:01Oh, it's the most...
00:27:05...soulful sounding car I think I've ever heard.
00:27:09It's as though the entire exhaust system is actually made out of Otis Redding.
00:27:18Oh, it's Redding.
00:27:22If my home in Georgia...
00:27:29...in for the Frisco...
00:27:40It's Otis!
00:27:41Don't get me wrong, though.
00:27:46This is not a slow car.
00:27:50It has a 444-horsepower, 4.7-litre Maserati V8.
00:28:01Couple that to a super-light carbon-fibre and aluminium body,
00:28:04and you end up with a car that accelerates like it's fallen off a cliff.
00:28:15The top speed is 181.
00:28:21The thing is, though, driving a car this exquisite, this elegant,
00:28:26quickly, feels wrong.
00:28:28It's like pogo dancing to...
00:28:32I heard it through the grapevine.
00:28:34No, no, no, you can't do that!
00:28:41This. This kind of speed.
00:28:43This is where it's at its best.
00:28:45Half speed.
00:28:48I don't even feel inclined to drive it fast.
00:28:52I don't want to hang the tail out on the hairpins.
00:28:56I just want to put it in auto.
00:28:59Put some tunes on the stereo, like so.
00:29:02Pop on a pair of sunglasses.
00:29:05And slow on down.
00:29:18And pretty soon, you'll want to stop altogether and get out.
00:29:22Because looking at this car, that's really what it's all about.
00:29:30It's interesting how many elements from other things are in that shape.
00:29:35I can see a little bit of Corvette.
00:29:37Bit of E-type.
00:29:39Then there's the...
00:29:41I think it was called the Discovery, the spaceship in 2001,
00:29:44A Space Odyssey.
00:29:45I see that at the front.
00:29:47I love the way they paint it gold before they paint it red,
00:29:51to make the colour richer.
00:29:53Then there's the name Disco Volante, picked out in the seats.
00:29:57Now, I know, in Italian, Disco Volante means flying saucer,
00:30:01but to me, it's the name of Largo's hydrofoil in the Bond film Thunderball.
00:30:05Thunderball.
00:30:09I love that car.
00:30:12I really do.
00:30:13I think it really is time now to bring out my special E-love face.
00:30:31I was jealous of Hammond when he came out to Italy the other day
00:30:35to drive the new Alfa 4C, because to me, that thing is special.
00:30:39It's the angel Gabriel.
00:30:42But I'm not jealous anymore, because this...
00:30:45This is the full baby Jesus.
00:30:51I'm not going to say it's the best car in the world.
00:30:54It certainly isn't the nicest to drive, the brakes are spongy.
00:30:57You can see nothing out of the back.
00:31:00But, as a tool for making you feel special,
00:31:03really nothing gets close.
00:31:06Nothing at all.
00:31:11A Maserati heart, an Alfa Romeo badge,
00:31:15exhausts made out of Otis Redding,
00:31:18and a handcrafted body to die for.
00:31:23That is one hell of a combination.
00:31:28It really is.
00:31:29No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:31:45No, no, no.
00:31:47Sorry.
00:31:49Hang on.
00:31:50You were having a go at me earlier on, because I preferred the slow catering to the fast catering.
00:31:55And now here you are raving about a car that's happiest at half speed.
00:31:59Well, yes.
00:32:00You're an utter hypocrite.
00:32:02No, no. You see, the thing is, I'd prefer to drive to somebody's house in a Lexus LFA,
00:32:07because I like the power from that screaming V10 engine.
00:32:10But I'd prefer to arrive in this, because it's elegant, and it's beautiful, and it's handcrafted.
00:32:17How much is it?
00:32:19Well, do you know, they won't tell me, even when I likely tortured them.
00:32:23But I have heard that a man in Singapore paid one and a half million pounds for his.
00:32:28Now, there are a lot of import taxes in Singapore. I mean, huge ones.
00:32:31Yeah, but even so, that's, it's about 150, that's still 600,000 pounds for the car.
00:32:38Yes, I know. And what's amazing is that in Singapore, you're not allowed to drive a left-hand drive car on the road.
00:32:44So he's paid one and a half million pounds for a car he can't drive.
00:32:49He's going to keep me mad.
00:32:51No, he isn't. Somebody just paid, what, 42 million quid for a Francis Bacon painting.
00:32:55You can't drive that either.
00:32:57It's not a car.
00:32:58James, we haven't got time for your pedantry.
00:33:01Um, because we have to now put a star in our reasonably priced car.
00:33:06Now, my guest tonight is extremely funny, but he can't drive.
00:33:11So he is the exact opposite of Nigel Mansell.
00:33:16Ladies and gentlemen, Jack Whitehall!
00:33:22How are you?
00:33:23Good, how are you?
00:33:24Who's here?
00:33:25Hello.
00:33:27Hey.
00:33:28Great!
00:33:30Ooh!
00:33:33Do you know, I haven't seen you since you were in short trousers.
00:33:36Yes, well, I mean, you know, you were a big part of my childhood, and that's not something that probably everyone here knows.
00:33:42Jeremy was a father at the prep school that I went to, and I have a lot of very vivid, this is a big moment for me, you know, being here with you.
00:33:54With long trousers on.
00:33:55With long trousers on, tight, long trousers.
00:33:57But you were like the first kind of real kind of silverback alpha male I had ever set eyes upon in my life, because every other father at the school that I went to was like a blubbering-faced posh toff with a barber jacket.
00:34:11And then you came striding across the sports field, a vision in denim, like, it was amazing. Like, we were all like, oh my God, look at him, he probably eats his steak rare and doesn't bother getting out of the bath to take his s**t.
00:34:25And here you are.
00:34:28It was always those book signings, that's what I could be, you had to go and all the parents had to go and see if they'd written a book, and almost everyone at this school had written a book.
00:34:34Yeah.
00:34:35You'd be in this room and there'd be Jeremy Paxman with a big stack of books he was trying to sell.
00:34:39It was you and Paxman in the same, I remember it, like, it was yesterday, there was one room, it was a science lab, you were at one end, Paxman was at the other, and it was basically who's got the biggest dick competition.
00:34:50You'd have some really acerbic, intelligent book that he'd written about the Reformation, and then you'd have, you know, full throttle, or whatever it was.
00:34:58It was, and he'd got a queue of people going, you know, I think your observation's on the Plantagenet's most interesting, and I'd go, do you think the Subaru is better than the evil?
00:35:09Now, we get many guests down here, who say, oh no, I can't drive, I can't drive, and they mean, I've never done any track driving and I'm not very confident and I'm not very good.
00:35:19When we say you can't drive, we mean, you can't drive.
00:35:23No, no, I can't drive at all. I, I mean, I've been in a car once, behind the wheel, I've done passenger stuff loads of times.
00:35:32But the driving aspect, I've done like half a lesson, my dad gave me half a lesson, and it became clear that it wasn't really a lesson, he wanted a lift to the butchers.
00:35:41So, we drove down the road to the left, he picked up a leg of lamb and we went home, so that's the only lesson that I ever had.
00:35:48But I've never been behind the wheel of a car on my own ever before, so I thought it would be good to come and do it here.
00:35:55Which, of course, meant that we actually had to teach you to drive a car.
00:35:59Yeah.
00:36:00When I say we, the Stig.
00:36:02Yeah, I mean, he wasn't, he's not a great instructor.
00:36:05He's not talkative, let's put it that way.
00:36:08Well, we've actually got some footage of Jack's first ever driving lesson in an action, was it a manual?
00:36:15I mean, did it have like a lever coming out there?
00:36:18Yeah, it had a pulley thing and then three pedals.
00:36:21Three pedals and a pulley thing, this is known as a manual car.
00:36:24A manual car, yes.
00:36:25Who would you like to see Jack's first ever driving lesson?
00:36:29Yeah!
00:36:30Never ever done this before, here we go, let's have a look.
00:36:36It should make a vroom noise, shouldn't it?
00:36:40Am I turning it the right way?
00:36:42No?
00:36:45Right, okay, fine.
00:36:46Was he completely uncommunicative?
00:36:48No, he didn't even nod.
00:36:53Yes!
00:36:56Stig, I might need a little bit more from you than this.
00:37:00Okay, right, so that's not working.
00:37:02By process of elimination, if we come off the clutch and press this...
00:37:08Redmin.
00:37:09Yeah, that's Redmin.
00:37:10I'm ready.
00:37:11And your handbrake's off.
00:37:12That sounds weird.
00:37:13No, it doesn't.
00:37:15Okay, this is getting better.
00:37:18Oh, Jesus.
00:37:23I mean, well done, but we had to go from that to getting you round a lap in the space of an hour.
00:37:29I think my priorities were in that he didn't think that I was saying it seriously,
00:37:32because when I first got in the car, which is a perfectly valid thing,
00:37:35is the first thing I always ask when I get in the car is whether he had an iPhone charger.
00:37:39Because Ryan had died and I wanted to get some photos of the journey and he wasn't happy about that.
00:37:45But he's so moody!
00:37:46I asked him if there was a Mrs. Stig, and that didn't go down well.
00:37:50No, it wouldn't.
00:37:51Because that's what he needs.
00:37:52Maybe he's not getting enough of it at home.
00:37:55And I thought the perfect person for this Stig as well, this is a match made in heaven,
00:37:59him and that woman that does the demonstrations on the Cube, with the mask.
00:38:02They would be perfect together!
00:38:09What would the babies be like?
00:38:11The babies would be amazing! You could do it as a challenge!
00:38:13Send them to the Isle of Fernandos!
00:38:18Talking of the Stig not getting enough, how, if you're a 17-year-old youth,
00:38:23do you get any at all from girls if you can't drive them anywhere?
00:38:28Yeah, it was hard.
00:38:29Especially as well, when I started becoming a stand-up, and I was like,
00:38:32oh, you know, stand-up, you're going around on tour, it's quite kind of rock and roll,
00:38:35and there'll be groupies and stuff.
00:38:36But it's very hard to pull a groupie when your mother has driven you to the gig.
00:38:41And afterwards you'd be like, yeah, you want to go back to my crib, my ride's outside,
00:38:45it's the Volvo just there.
00:38:47You'll have to sit in the back, cos I ride up front with Mummy.
00:38:51Don't you like the Archers?
00:38:54So, when you're doing your gigs now, presumably your mum doesn't take you around?
00:38:58No.
00:38:59The best thing about this latest tour, cos this is the biggest one I've ever done,
00:39:02and I'm going to be in a tour bus, which is amazing, cos the worst thing I find about doing a tour
00:39:07when you're just in a car is having to use petrol station toilets.
00:39:11Cos the lock on a petrol station toilet door is always broken, they're always bust,
00:39:16and then you have to do that thing, which we all do, which I call lavatory yoga,
00:39:20where you work out how you're going to keep the door with the broken lock shut.
00:39:24Yeah.
00:39:25And you've got, there's three main schools of it, you've got the Tom Daley,
00:39:27where you just lean forward with the arms like that, and then there's the fingertips,
00:39:31which is good, but I can't unless I'm playing Candy Crush, so that doesn't work.
00:39:35Then you've got the Bowing Monk, where you put your head forward and you just use it as a doorstop,
00:39:39that someone can, like, knock you out if they're too insistent on getting in.
00:39:44Then your third option, which is the best one, which you should always use,
00:39:48is the woman in labour, where you plant two feet onto the door.
00:39:52But I committed to this recently in a petrol station just outside of Bolton,
00:39:56and I'd fully committed, but you have to be a master of your surroundings.
00:39:59I didn't realise the door in question opened both ways.
00:40:04This, like, hairy trucker ripped it off, and literally thought I was kind of presenting myself to it.
00:40:10Hello!
00:40:12Um, now, I want to just go on to, are you playing the O2?
00:40:16I'm playing the O2 on the, oh, I've forgotten the day.
00:40:22Come on, 17th of March, 17th of March.
00:40:2517th or 18th of March.
00:40:27Like, roughly, 17th! He's coming!
00:40:29He works here.
00:40:33It's not just going to be a tour, there's plenty of surprises as well.
00:40:36There will be the greatest ever Segway entrance to a stand-up tour the world has ever seen.
00:40:41Somebody's putting you on a Segway?
00:40:42I'm on a Segway, yeah.
00:40:44Well, that's worth going to see.
00:40:45It's got everything you'd want from a stand-up comedy tour.
00:40:48Anyway, the lap.
00:40:49Oh, I want to explain, you did actually ditch the manual, didn't you, for the lap and go to an automatic.
00:40:55Yeah, I thought that was best, cos I wanted to get all the way round in.
00:40:58The only thing, of course, with an automatic is you're not going to get very...
00:41:01You're probably not going to get very high up there anyway, so let's not worry too much about that.
00:41:04Who here would like to see the result of your driving lesson?
00:41:08Yeah!
00:41:09Here we go.
00:41:10Oh, dear.
00:41:14Flying solo for the first time.
00:41:17Come on, Jack.
00:41:19You are a king of speed.
00:41:21You shall see.
00:41:23You look a bit frightened.
00:41:24I was very frightened.
00:41:25But you steered round that one.
00:41:28It sounds awful.
00:41:30Oh, good God.
00:41:32And off.
00:41:33That doesn't count.
00:41:34That counts, though, doesn't it?
00:41:35Yes, yes, yes.
00:41:36To be honest, a lot of what this instinct says is bullshit.
00:41:38It's really just about...
00:41:40Oh.
00:41:42I guess we'll never know as we do Chicago.
00:41:47Heading down to the Hammerhead.
00:41:48Where are you going?
00:41:50That's completely the wrong...
00:41:51Oh, I feel so sick.
00:41:53You made yourself sick.
00:41:55They didn't tell you that.
00:41:56Made myself sick.
00:41:58Here we go.
00:41:59Round the Hammerhead.
00:42:00Whoops.
00:42:01That's quite good.
00:42:02Not really.
00:42:04Oh!
00:42:05The big circular thing is necessary there in front of you.
00:42:08Is it low on petrol?
00:42:10Is it kept beeping?
00:42:12Right, so it was beeping at you, and...
00:42:16Don't go off there.
00:42:17Look at it.
00:42:18This one was good.
00:42:19Oh, braking there.
00:42:20That's ballsy, because that can upset the rear end in a front-wheel-drive car.
00:42:24I may be talking French, as far as you're concerned there.
00:42:27Only Gambon to go, and...
00:42:30Can you do it?
00:42:32Oh, wait a minute.
00:42:33Yes, nearly you can!
00:42:34Cross the line!
00:42:38I got that.
00:42:39When you bear in mind that you arrived this morning having driven a car once to the butchers and back...
00:42:47Yeah.
00:42:48...and then you had a lesson, and then put that together, I think that's pretty impressive.
00:42:51I really do.
00:42:52Oh, thank you.
00:42:53But...
00:42:54How fast do you think you did it?
00:42:56Where do you think you came on the board?
00:43:00Um...
00:43:01Oh, I don't know.
00:43:02In between Hiddleston and Bonneville?
00:43:04You're hoping to get between Tom and Hugh, round about the 1.50 mark.
00:43:09Yeah.
00:43:10You did it, Jack Whitehall.
00:43:11You're leaning forward like a pro.
00:43:14One minute.
00:43:15One minute.
00:43:16That's good.
00:43:17Fifty.
00:43:20There's no kind way of saying it.
00:43:25Four.
00:43:26Point five.
00:43:29It's alright.
00:43:30It doesn't, you know, getting in the car for me was a victory in itself.
00:43:35Do you want to move it further down?
00:43:37I feel like I'm sullying that person by being there.
00:43:42But that, I mean, maybe I can come back after I've actually learnt to drive,
00:43:46and I would get a competitive time.
00:43:49I'd like that.
00:43:50Okay, well...
00:43:51Because this was woeful.
00:43:52Yeah, I know!
00:43:54But at least I'm on the board and not at home crying in my pants,
00:43:57which is where I should be when it comes to driving.
00:43:59No, I'd like to have you back because it's been bloody good fun having you here.
00:44:03Ladies and gentlemen, Jack Whitehall!
00:44:04Now, if you want a car that's fast, you're spoiled for choice.
00:44:20Same story if you want a car that's economical or cheap or has a big boot.
00:44:25But what if you're a massive show-off and your main requirement is for a car that makes you stand out in your hometown?
00:44:32Well, that can be a lot trickier depending upon the town where you live, as I shall now demonstrate.
00:44:38Welcome to the United Arab Emirates, where, as you can see, it takes quite a lot to stand out on the car front.
00:44:57Out here, your Commodore Garden Ferrari or Lamborghini can no longer cut the mustard.
00:45:07So what do you do if you want to turn heads?
00:45:10Well, I think I may have the answer.
00:45:18You see, everyone thinks about blinging their wheels, but nobody ever thinks of adding more wheels.
00:45:27This is the new six-wheeled version of Mercedes' iconic G-Wagon.
00:45:36And beside the extra wheels, it also ticks the rarity box because it's one of only two in existence.
00:45:45More will be built, though I suspect not many when you consider the price,
00:45:50which is a trouser troubling £370,000.
00:45:57The six-wheeled G-Class was originally built for the Australian army,
00:46:03who demanded standard equipment like seats and doors.
00:46:07In this civilian version, however, you get heated and ventilated electric leather chairs,
00:46:14a leather-trimmed dashboard and a bamboo-lined cargo bay.
00:46:19You really do get a lot of car for your money.
00:46:22As in, a lot of car.
00:46:25I mean, look at it.
00:46:26It's nearly a metre longer than a Range Rover, and it's got 37-inch wheels.
00:46:31I reckon I could get my head in the gap between the wheel and the wheel arch.
00:46:35Yeah, I can. Try doing that in a Range Rover.
00:46:40The six-by-six also weighs three and three-quarter tonnes, or the same as three VW Golfs.
00:46:55So, engine-wise, it can't afford to mess about.
00:47:00It's actually got a five-and-a-half-litre, 536-horsepower twin-turbo V8
00:47:06from Mercedes in-house nutterists AMG.
00:47:12Oh, we're getting a move on.
00:47:14560 pounds-feet of torque.
00:47:200 to 60 in under six seconds.
00:47:26That's sports car stuff in something the size of a shopping centre.
00:47:32Fuel economy.
00:47:33Well, I doubt this will be the official transport at the next Greenpeace annual conference.
00:47:39All I'll say is they thought it best to fit two fuel tanks.
00:47:42You change over using this switch up here.
00:47:45And everybody loves an overhead switch.
00:47:48If I drove this down Ross-on-Wye High Street, I would be lord of all I surveyed.
00:47:54The undisputed king of Herefordshire.
00:47:58Never mind Herefordshire.
00:48:00This thing attracts attention even round here.
00:48:05Seriously?
00:48:08Really?
00:48:10Yeah, he's serious.
00:48:12As it turned out, the policeman had never seen such an unusual car before.
00:48:17There's six wheels.
00:48:19And guess what? It's the same on the other side.
00:48:22And was on his way again after he'd had a look.
00:48:24Bye.
00:48:26Lamborghini Aventador police car.
00:48:29They don't have those in Ross-on-Wye.
00:48:33Or these.
00:48:34Ferrari F-F.
00:48:35Ferrari F-F.
00:48:38S-S.
00:48:39MG.
00:48:41What a funny day.
00:48:42What a funny day.
00:48:46Now, although the 6x6 is seriously quick on tarmac and turns policemen's heads, where it's really built to shine is as an off-roader.
00:48:57Let me give you an example.
00:49:00A Land Rover Defender can wade through half a metre of water.
00:49:04And that's very good.
00:49:06This can wade through twice there.
00:49:08However, this being the desert, water is quite hard to find.
00:49:14So if you want to test it, you do have to improvise.
00:49:17You do have to improvise.
00:49:32Morning, sorry.
00:49:35Sorry.
00:49:37This is, unless I'm very much mistaken, a metre of water.
00:49:42And the 6x6 is wading through it.
00:49:47Even dealing with the rubber rings.
00:49:50Yeah, not having any difficulty with this at all.
00:49:53But how does it cope with sand?
00:49:56Well, the good news is, sand is one thing we're really not short of.
00:50:04Welcome to the empty quarter.
00:50:09The largest sand desert in the world.
00:50:12Covering some 250,000 square miles.
00:50:17Out here, temperatures hit 50 degrees centigrade.
00:50:22And there are dunes more than 800 feet high.
00:50:26OK, we have six-wheel drive with a power split 30, 40, 30 across the axles. Check.
00:50:31Stronger front springs from the armoured version of the G-Class. Check.
00:50:35Locking diffs. Oh, we've got those. The most you'd expect normally would be three. On here, five.
00:50:39When you lock them using these buttons in different ways.
00:50:41Right, let's go.
00:50:43These are big, big tunes. This is more of a sand mountain I'm on right now.
00:50:45These are big, big tunes.
00:50:46This is more of a sand mountain I'm on right now.
00:50:48These are big, big tunes.
00:50:49This is more of a sand mountain I'm on right now.
00:50:50Three and three-quarter tons.
00:50:51Three and three-quarter tons.
00:50:52Three and three-quarter tons.
00:50:53Three and three-quarter tons.
00:50:54This is more of a sand mountain I'm on right now.
00:50:56Three and three-quarter tons.
00:50:57Three and three-quarter tons.
00:51:06This is more of a sand mountain I'm on right now.
00:51:10Three and three-quarter tons of Mercedes is doing this.
00:51:14It just doesn't feel right.
00:51:16Three and three-quarter tons.
00:51:19All Mercedes is doing this.
00:51:21It just doesn't feel right.
00:51:25This extra axle, these two extra wheels, it changes the way the 6x6 travels over the
00:51:42ground.
00:51:43It undulates.
00:51:44It feels supple.
00:51:45It's like blasting through the desert dunes, riding a cindy.
00:51:55Come on.
00:51:56I got some air.
00:52:07Sorry, everybody.
00:52:11Intoxicated by what the Merc could do, I drove deeper and deeper into the empty quarter.
00:52:18Right, where does it go now?
00:52:21Oh, my God!
00:52:23Oh!
00:52:24Oh, for crying out loud.
00:52:34I wouldn't ski down there.
00:52:38Okay.
00:52:39Oh!
00:52:40Oh, very unpleasant.
00:52:41Not nice.
00:52:42It's vertical.
00:52:43I'm in a car, I'm having a plane crash.
00:52:53I'm still going down.
00:52:54Oh, what a stupid place, I hate it.
00:53:04Ahead, I saw a nice flat desert floor and decided that was a much safer place to be.
00:53:17It's drifting.
00:53:18Now it's a rally car.
00:53:19Now it's a rally car.
00:53:20A gigantic rally car.
00:53:24And let's not forget, I'm not having to shout over this, it's not rah in here.
00:53:37I'm still cocooned in luxury.
00:53:50It's an amazing device.
00:53:51Now, when you take an off-roader across sand, the standard practice, as I've done, is to
00:54:03let some air out of the tyres to give them a bigger footprint.
00:54:07Now I'm going back on tarmac, so I need to re-inflate them.
00:54:11All I've got to do is operate these overhead switches.
00:54:14Feel like a jet pilot.
00:54:16Compressor on.
00:54:17Going up.
00:54:18They can re-inflate all of these tyres in under a minute.
00:54:26Oh, I love this.
00:54:28If I did this in Ledbury, I'd be mobbed by now.
00:54:35Leaving the empty quarter behind, I headed back towards civilisation.
00:54:39I'm not going to pretend this is anything less than a preposterous machine.
00:54:49It's a six metre, three and three quarters tonne, 370,000 pounds, six-wheeled dinosaur.
00:54:56But as dinosaurs go, it is a magnificent one.
00:55:00Magnificent to behold.
00:55:02Magnificently made.
00:55:03It's one of the car world's mad moments.
00:55:06A day off from prices and lease.
00:55:11Even in a country as chock full of showy-offy cars as this one,
00:55:16it's still really rather special.
00:55:20You can forget your chrome wraps and whatever.
00:55:23I don't think you can beat just having more wheels than anything else.
00:55:27And I can say with absolute confidence that I have more wheels than any of...
00:55:32Oh.
00:55:36No matter.
00:55:41One thing I can say for sure is that this is the most extreme Mercedes out here.
00:55:47I doubt there's anything with a Mercedes badge in these parts that can draw as much attention as that.
00:55:53All right, so I don't have the most wheels.
00:56:03It's not the most extreme Mercedes out here.
00:56:06But the 6x6 does have size on its size.
00:56:10Bigger than any Range Rover, bigger than any Land Cruiser, bigger than that old Jeep up there.
00:56:15And that's the thing.
00:56:17A car can be beautiful, but when it's big, it's got presents.
00:56:20And they don't come much bigger than...
00:56:24Oh, my God.
00:56:28I want this one.
00:56:49I want this one.
00:56:58Embarrassingly, whilst there, I ran the Merc out of Petra.
00:57:02In the place where they actually grow their stuff.
00:57:04Really?
00:57:05It's awful.
00:57:06I felt an idiot.
00:57:07I want this one on that.
00:57:08Can we just have a look at that picture of you at the end?
00:57:11You do look like something out of The Borrowers.
00:57:13Yes.
00:57:14All right.
00:57:15But I have to say, that Jeep is incredible.
00:57:17Sadly, it was broken the day I was there, but it does actually move.
00:57:20And I'd like to see that one day.
00:57:22But now it is time for me to demonstrate that cars are better than motorbikes.
00:57:27Oh, no.
00:57:28Hang on.
00:57:29Jeremy, we've only got a few minutes.
00:57:30Yes, yes.
00:57:31Listen, come over here.
00:57:32Because what we have here is a table laid for two, okay?
00:57:36Yes.
00:57:37And I'm going to remove this tablecloth without knocking anything over.
00:57:40Where are you going with this?
00:57:41Everybody stand back behind me.
00:57:43Because you need to be quick to do this.
00:57:52Well, well, yeah.
00:57:53Oh, well done.
00:57:54That's really cleared that up for us.
00:57:57Bikes are faster than a table or something.
00:58:00That's got to do anything.
00:58:02Went rather well.
00:58:03Better than I'd expected, if I'm honest.
00:58:05Anyway, the thing is, BMW once did that trick with a much larger table,
00:58:11as I shall now demonstrate with this bit of film.
00:58:15That's an amazing one.
00:58:27W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w.
00:58:36What's going on today, Miss?
00:58:37It's amazing.
00:58:38Well done the motorbike, but what I'm going to do now is that exact same thing only with a car.
00:58:47You are aware, aren't you, that a superbike accelerates very fast.
00:58:51Yes, Hammond, from say 10 to 150.
00:58:54But to do that you need the instant acceleration, it's 0 to 10 that matters.
00:58:59Now that is a very good point because it's very difficult to get a bike off the line.
00:59:03Yeah, alright, I'll admit you usually spin the wheel or it flips over backwards.
00:59:06You see cars don't flip over backwards, it's one of the many reasons why the better.
00:59:10And the car I've selected is this one.
00:59:12A Datsun.
00:59:13A Nissan GT-R.
00:59:15No, I approve of your choice of car actually, I have to say.
00:59:18Yeah, because May and I were playing with one of these the other day,
00:59:21and the way it sets off is simply unbelievable.
00:59:25I mean it really is, there's no car I've ever driven that goes from 0 to 10 faster.
00:59:29I mean it's got four wheel drive and amazing launch control system,
00:59:32you put your foot hard down the accelerator, hard on the brake, take your foot off the brake,
00:59:36computer does everything and you set off.
00:59:38Okay, and this is the table, yeah?
00:59:40Yes it is.
00:59:41So let's get this straight.
00:59:42You are going to pull this tablecloth off this, what, 18 foot table?
00:59:46Yes.
00:59:47Using this Datsun.
00:59:48Listen.
00:59:49Without breaking anything.
00:59:50Without knocking a single thing over.
00:59:52Really?
00:59:53How do the words stand and back spring to mind?
00:59:56Ye of little faith, okay?
00:59:58I'm using the same length of rope that BMW did, same amount of slack that they did,
01:00:03we're pulling from the same place that they did, everything is this, what?
01:00:08Have you actually measured this out?
01:00:10A bit.
01:00:11You've got to go 18 feet to get the tablecloth off the table,
01:00:14plus the length of that bit off the end.
01:00:16Yes.
01:00:17Plus you've got to account for the amount of rope,
01:00:18and you've got to stop before you hit the other side of the studio.
01:00:21No, I haven't.
01:00:22Yeah, I have.
01:00:23I haven't, because I'm not going to drive it.
01:00:25He is.
01:00:26Ladies and gentlemen, the Stig has come among us.
01:00:29Very rarely in the studio.
01:00:32Hold on a minute.
01:00:33Very rarely.
01:00:34Hold on a minute.
01:00:35Yes, Ross.
01:00:36So, you're saying he's going to drive across our darkened studio,
01:00:41peering through his darkened visor?
01:00:42Yes.
01:00:43Is this how this Stig dies?
01:00:45Has he done a book?
01:00:47No, he doesn't.
01:00:48Right.
01:00:49Right, is he ready?
01:00:50Are you ready?
01:00:51Are you ready?
01:00:55Everybody here ready?
01:00:57Yes.
01:00:58Oh, God.
01:00:59We have no idea.
01:01:00But I have hope in my heart.
01:01:03In three, two, one, go!
01:01:04Well, that was mostly incredibly successful.
01:01:10In what way?
01:01:11You didn't hit the wall.
01:01:12As you can see.
01:01:13Everything else has hit the floor.
01:01:14There's a whole cup and saucer, knock damage, a spoon.
01:01:18It didn't work.
01:01:19It is most odd.
01:01:20Can we see a replay of that?
01:01:21Maybe work out what went wrong?
01:01:22Oh, there's the problem.
01:01:23What?
01:01:24He's doing it too slowly.
01:01:25No, that's in slow motion.
01:01:26It would have worked.
01:01:27But now look.
01:01:28It's a disaster.
01:01:29It's a bombshell.
01:01:30And that means we can end.
01:01:31Thank you ever so much for watching.
01:01:33Take care.
01:01:34It is most audacious. Can we see a replay of that? Maybe work out what went wrong?
01:01:42Well, there's the problem. What? He's doing it too slowly. No, that's in slow motion.
01:01:47If he hadn't done it in slow motion, it would have worked.
01:01:50But now look. It's a disaster. It's a bombshell. And that means we can end.
01:01:56Hmm. Thank you ever so much for watching. We'll see you next week. Take care. Good night.
01:02:05Will the dragons be blinded by a clever brand of sportswear?
01:02:09We're in the den next on BBC two and over on BBC one now all for one.
01:02:13But will innocence prevail? Great British drama continues with the Musketeers and watching events unfold in Thailand.
01:02:20Its son, sex and suspicious parents over on BBC three now.
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