- 2 days ago
In Series 16 Episode 5, the team attempt to convert a combine harvester into a snow-plough to tackle Britain’s winter misery — followed by car tests of the Audi RS5 and the BMW M3 Competition Pack on slippery terrain in Norway. Amber Heard stars as the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car. A daring mix of engineering creativity and performance car review.
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MotorTranscript
00:00Tonight, Richard wears a blue hat, James wears a different hat, and I wear a hat with things on it.
00:20Hello. Hello, thank you. Now, as you may remember, before Christmas, there was a bit of snow. Everything stopped, and we all ran about, waving our arms in the air, saying, why in this country do we not have more snowplows and more gritting machines?
00:48Yeah, well, the main problem, of course, is cost, especially at the moment, because councils everywhere are laying people off, and they can't very well make a whole department redundant and then spend the £90,000 they've saved on a snowplow.
01:01No, especially if the snowplow is just going to be sitting around. I mean, it might not be needed for, what, five years?
01:06Exactly.
01:06So, what is to be done?
01:09Well, this is a combine harvester, and it works 24 hours a day through August, but then sits idle in a shed for the rest of the year.
01:17So, how hard would it be to turn this, in winter, into a snowplow?
01:23To find out, we bought an old model of this very combine, in fact, and set about making the necessary modifications at Top Gear's top-secret winter testing facility in Nottinghamshire, on the B6011, just north of Bestwood, St. Albans.
01:39This is the result of our endeavours.
01:46And straightaway, you can see, we've removed the rotating, cutty, harvesty blade thing off the front, and replaced it with this snow blade.
02:04It's V-shaped, because that makes it more easy to cut through the snow, and this should be able to move through snow up to three feet deep.
02:12No problem.
02:15Power comes from a V8 diesel engine, which drives these chunky front wheels.
02:21And in the snow, as any BMW driver will tell you, front-wheel drive is a lot better than rear-wheel drive.
02:27And the combine, when you think about it, it's almost as though it was designed with snow clearance in mind.
02:33Yeah, I know. It's uncanny. Everything about it, you've got the ground clearance, knobbly tyres, front-wheel drive, the weight of it, it's all there.
02:39It's one of those times on Top Gear where you look and think, actually, actually...
02:43We've accidentally been a bit clever.
02:45This might work.
02:46Since the Dominator has a top speed of just 12 miles an hour, it was easy to decide which one of us would be the driver.
02:58What happens if I put it on full?
03:02Don't like that.
03:05Give me the beans!
03:07Faster!
03:09It's not like a rally car.
03:12You see rear-wheel steering, look.
03:14It's not very sensitive, is it?
03:20Oh, ****.
03:22There is, of course, one tiny drawback to the combine as a snowplough.
03:27Because it was designed to work in August, it has no heater.
03:32Yeah.
03:32Which is why there's a drum in there, you can probably see through the window, and that's, well, it's an urn.
03:38We've put that in there, full of, well, we wanted tea, but James said, I want Bovril.
03:43Because he's in 1950.
03:45We all know that when it's snowing and it's cold, you have Bovril.
03:49That's a rule of life.
03:51He likes to paint himself all over, innit?
03:53It's like baby oil to him.
03:55That's what he does.
03:56Bovril.
03:57Him and his lorry driver friends all Bovril-ed up, and then they slip about.
04:01That's what they do.
04:02Besides attaching a plough on the front, we'd also converted the tube that normally shoots out the harvested wheat into a makeshift gritter.
04:14I should be responsible for shoveling the grit from here into this hopper there.
04:23Should be good at this, because my first job was in fact shoveling grit into a water filtration plant.
04:28Go on then.
04:29Shovel.
04:30Late shoveling.
04:31And while he's doing that, I shall explain my role.
04:34I can use this lever here to swing the arm to direct the flow of grit either onto the pavement or onto the road behind.
04:44Yes.
04:44Look at this.
04:45Okay, James.
04:47Initiating gritting.
04:50Red.
04:51Yes, and there was grit.
04:59We've made a gritting machine.
05:03But there was one more check we wanted to do.
05:08You know what it's like when you're following a gritting lorry on the motorway and there's that...
05:12You think, oh no, it's turning my car into a DeLorean.
05:15Yeah, exactly.
05:16So to make sure this isn't too powerful, we've got Hammond in a car who's just going to come in here.
05:21We're going to do a little experiment, fire the gritter at it, make sure it doesn't actually take the paint off.
05:26It'll be all right sideways, won't it?
05:27Yeah, yeah.
05:31Okay, James.
05:32Engage.
05:34Initiating gritting.
05:40Oh, God, stop it, James.
05:42There's been a problem.
05:43Make it stop.
05:44Gritting ceased.
05:50Apart from the fact the grit would kill the occupants of any car it hit, we felt the Dominator was ready to start work.
05:59But there was a problem.
06:05It's not going to snow, is it?
06:08With crossed fingers, we tuned into the weather forecast.
06:11Matthew, good afternoon.
06:12We're going to see a change in our weather later on this week.
06:15Temperature's really starting to climb.
06:16Things heading much milder.
06:18We've had a fair bit of cloud around already.
06:19Good evening.
06:20Well, the good news is there's absolutely no sign of the cold air returning in the near future.
06:24It's a very mild outlook.
06:26The reason we've got all this warm air, it's pumping up from the tropics.
06:29What is it?
06:29Oh, all right.
06:30It doesn't seem to rub it in, doesn't it?
06:33It sounds all beautiful about it.
06:34So, if the snow wouldn't come to the Dominator, we would take the Dominator to the snow.
06:41Here in Norway, we decided to clear the snow from a frozen lake to make a runway.
06:52And then a gnaw would land his plane on it.
06:56This is quite snowy.
06:58It must have snowed.
07:00We knew the ice would be thick enough for a light aircraft.
07:03But what about our heavy snowbine?
07:06Oh, I thought you'd been drilling for hours.
07:12That was 10 seconds and you...
07:14Don't move.
07:15Just never...
07:15Susie, has that gone through?
07:16Don't move.
07:16Yes.
07:19Norwegians actually have a chart to say how much weight you can put on various thicknesses of ice.
07:27So, how thick is it?
07:2845 centimetres.
07:29So, it's, well, say 50.
07:32Let's say 40.
07:33Well, it's 45.
07:33So, 50 centimetres of ice, 12 tonnes.
07:38Combine's more than the tonnes.
07:4013 tonnes.
07:40It's 13 tonnes.
07:42So, we can't do it?
07:43Well, it's only a tonne over.
07:47Bravely, Hammond and the optimistic Jeremy decided not to be on board as I gingerly drove the snowbine out of the woods.
07:56Plenty big, this thing.
07:58Towards the ice.
08:00Three yards to the lake.
08:02This is it.
08:08I don't like that noise.
08:16Eventually, though, I made it.
08:18Did I or did I not say we'd be alright?
08:20Yeah, was that not based entirely on guesswork anyway?
08:24Yes.
08:25Yeah.
08:28But as my guesswork was correct, we set to work.
08:32We're cloughing.
08:40We're cloughing, chaps.
08:41Look at this.
08:45Yeah.
08:46Here we go.
08:49The snow bineister.
08:51It works.
08:52Come on.
08:57Come on.
08:59Yeah, yeah.
09:01This is old.
09:04I think we've just gone through it.
09:08Yeah, we have.
09:09That's not an emergency.
09:11It's just time to empty your bowels.
09:13It's sinking.
09:14It's sinking.
09:14It's sinking.
09:16Bravely, Jeremy dismounted.
09:19James, back it up.
09:20And started issuing orders.
09:23Woo-hoo.
09:25That is sinking badly.
09:27Put your blade down, James.
09:29Because that's just gone through again.
09:31When the combine finally moved, we could see the scale of the peril.
09:39It's 300 metres deep.
09:42I mean, it's just water.
09:46However, unlike the snowplough people at Heathrow Airport, we decided not to just give up.
09:53Do you know how many flights were cancelled in Heathrow last year because of the weather?
10:013,700.
10:03Do you know how many flights were cancelled at Oslo because of the weather?
10:08Two times.
10:09Two.
10:10Heathrow, 3,700.
10:12Because we had one bit of snow.
10:14And as we were proving, all that misery was completely unnecessary.
10:20There really is no excuse.
10:22Heathrow, BAA, if you're watching this, you're pathetic.
10:26And if anybody in a meeting says, oh, well, the reason why it was shut
10:30is sack him.
10:32There is no reason why it was shut.
10:35Because it isn't difficult to clear a runway.
10:37It just isn't.
10:39My rant was interrupted at this point by news from below decks.
10:44Bob, Bob roll, the Bob roll's boiling over.
10:48And up top, Hammond was still fretting about the ice.
10:55Oh, my God.
10:56That's another crack there, look.
10:58Yeah.
10:59Big one.
11:00When we go through, it's going to be worse for him.
11:03Oh, God, yes.
11:04Because he will be pawing at the glass, desperate.
11:08Right now, though, he was pawing at the steering wheel.
11:12James!
11:12James, stay right, you idiot.
11:15Stay right.
11:15It's a straight line we're looking for.
11:18Yeah, I think this would be a tricky landing, actually, James.
11:21They got into a tank slapper.
11:23Look where we're pointing.
11:25James, the trees indicate land.
11:28Eventually, though, James mastered the rear wheel steering.
11:32I'm waiting to look behind us and see a runway completely light and everything.
11:37That isn't happening.
11:37But it's not bad, look.
11:39And pretty soon, the runway was finished.
11:44So we pulled over and radioed the pilot, giving him permission to land.
11:50It's not the smoothest runway.
11:53No, but there's less snow on it than there was.
11:57It is smooth enough, isn't it?
11:59Well, let's find out here he comes.
12:00Here he comes.
12:00Look at that.
12:09Job done.
12:10Ladies and gentlemen.
12:13We did that.
12:14We did that.
12:15How about that?
12:16Sadly, though, our celebrations were premature.
12:21Oh, oh, my God.
12:23Yeah, that is quite bumpy.
12:27He's crashed.
12:28He has pretty much crashed there.
12:31At a time like this, there's only one thing a man can do.
12:35Right, quick, go.
12:36Go.
12:37Just get in.
12:37Go, go, go.
12:39Right, James, run.
12:51That was embarrassing.
12:53That was deeply embarrassing.
12:55Now, look, I know we're often accused of faking things on this programme, but trust me, you can't actually fake a plane crash.
13:05No, no, I think it's probably safe to say that we won't be getting a Christmas tree for Trafalgar Square this year.
13:11Anyway, we'll be picking that film up later on, and we want to explain it isn't just a massive cocking around.
13:15I mean, there'd be a bit, because we really do believe that we were onto something with that snowbine, because if you think about it, if it works, farmers can rent out equipment that would normally be sitting idle, councils don't have to maintain a fleet, which saves them a fortune, and we get our roads open.
13:31So we really do think it's worth persevering with.
13:33Anyway, now we are going to do the news, and I want to begin by talking about Nissan, okay?
13:37They've announced they're going to make a new electric sports car, which they're going to exhibit at the Geneva Motor Show, which is soon.
13:44That's a picture of it there.
13:45And they've sent us lots of details about this car.
13:48Interestingly and unusually, they've also sent us a description of the sort of person who'll buy it.
13:53An actual biography, and I'm quoting now, from Nissan themselves.
13:57They say the driver, okay?
13:58Daniel.
13:59So this guy doesn't exist, they've made him up.
14:01Yeah.
14:01Well, they say Daniel, an S-Flow owner, works in tech, but lives for the weekend.
14:07On Friday night after work, he gets behind the wheels of his S-Flow, which instantly links with his pocket PDA.
14:13He sounds like a bit of a prick.
14:15It does, doesn't he?
14:15Yeah, I don't like that.
14:16Anyway, okay, and it determines the fastest route to his girlfriend's home.
14:19On Sunday, he drives through the mountains for leisure.
14:22Mmm.
14:24His milk floats.
14:25Anyway, and then he gets home eventually, and it's all charged up,
14:28and he lives in Barcelona.
14:30Hang on a minute, he's called Daniel.
14:33Could he be the Daniel from the Elton John song?
14:36Yes, that's who he was writing.
14:38Oh, hang on.
14:39Daniel is travelling tonight in his stupid electric sports car.
14:43I can see the red tail lights.
14:46No, he wouldn't be able to.
14:47He's a bit battery-powered, isn't it?
14:48They'll have gone flat.
14:50Daniel's girlfriend is bouncing around on a man with a nast and the A.
14:56I've just had a thought, Hammond.
14:58Hang on, this is, I like this.
14:58What is James' middle name?
15:00It's Daniel.
15:03Yes, it is.
15:04Yeah, anyway, that's enough Daniel.
15:06Um, Bentley have announced that in the next James Bond book,
15:09007 will be driving a Bentley Continental.
15:14There you go.
15:14What, is that the next James Bond?
15:16Look at him.
15:17He looks like an account names, Bond.
15:19Hello.
15:20I'm a license to kill.
15:22What is the book called, On Her Majesty's Customs and Excise?
15:27Moon Ledger.
15:29Live and Let's File.
15:30Yeah.
15:30I should just point out that that man is the author of the book.
15:35Ah, sorry.
15:35Not the new Bond.
15:37I don't know why he'd want a modern Bentley anyway, because I drove one in Albania recently.
15:40It was terrible.
15:42I was killed in it.
15:43You were, so it wasn't all bad.
15:45But it was, it understeered a lot.
15:47Now, you know Infiniti?
15:49Oh, well, when James explains how something works,
15:51Infiniti just stretches out in front of you forever.
15:54No, not Endless Time and Space.
15:55Infiniti, the Japanese car maker.
15:57Oh, yeah.
15:58They're like, they're Datsuns with a bit of velvet in them, basically.
16:00A bit like Lexuses to Toyota.
16:02Well, at the Geneva Motor Show, which is soon,
16:04they are going, they've announced they're going to show off a new direction they're going in, okay?
16:08And this is the car they'll be showing.
16:10It's a concept.
16:11I just think it looks like an ordinary car that's melted.
16:13But, what I'm worried about with this is they've called it the urethra.
16:21Are you sure?
16:22Well, no, it's not actually spelt urethra, but it looks like it's pronounced urethra.
16:27Now, isn't the urethra the bit in your old chap?
16:30No, I thought you, isn't it the tube that connects your kidney to your bladder?
16:34That the wee goes along to get from your kidney to your bladder?
16:36No, I think it's the expert.
16:37You just keep saying yes to it.
16:38How come you're an expert on, you look like a scaffolder?
16:40Are you actually a wee-wee doctor?
16:45You are.
16:46What are you really?
16:47I'm a car salesman.
16:48You're a car salesman.
16:50Anyway, so, if you want a melted car named after a tube with urine in it, that's the car for you.
16:57Now, Ferrari, okay?
16:59This year's F1 car, they said, is going to be called the F150.
17:03Okay, that was the name of it.
17:04But then they got a call from Ford's lawyers saying, no, you can't do that because we own the name F150, and that will cause confusion.
17:11So, let's have a look at the Ferrari.
17:14This is the F150, this year's F1 car.
17:16Now, let's have a look at Ford's F150.
17:18Oh, I don't know, it's easy to see how the confusion could arise between the two if you look at them together.
17:24And what would be worse than getting pole positions sitting on the grid thinking, right, here we go, my big F1 race.
17:30Why is there a man in a cowboy hat sitting next to me?
17:32Oh, no, I'm in a pickup truck!
17:33Ferrari actually say, and I'm quoting now, it's difficult to understand Ford's viewpoint on this matter, and I'm sort of with them.
17:41But anyway, they have changed the name, the Ferrari Formula 1 car is now called the Ferrari F Henry Ford is a massive peach.
17:50Two things with the same name don't necessarily have to be confused.
17:54Like Hammond can mean a massive organ, or it can...
17:56Oh, yeah.
17:59Anybody here play golf?
18:01You do.
18:02Okay, I've got some news about personalised number plates.
18:05I know you love that sort of thing in the world of golf.
18:08We've got the new 11 plates coming out very soon.
18:11You know, the numbers will be 11, and obviously that's a wealth of possibilities for writing amusing words on your number plate.
18:17Bulldog, Holland, Gallops, and so on.
18:19Well, anyway, the DVLA, which is a big building in Wales, they're now selling these numbers for between £3,000 and £10,000.
18:26To be fair, it's between £3,000 and £10,000 plus the fine you get
18:30for interfering with the letters and numbers on your number plate.
18:33It is true.
18:34We're the only country in the world where the government says,
18:35you can buy this if you move the numbers around and the letters to make this word,
18:39you can buy it from us, and then they fine you for moving the letters and numbers around.
18:42It is a bit weird, that.
18:43But the interesting thing is, some of the words have been banned for being offensive or sinister.
18:48Words like psycho and vulgar, but they have allowed ball bag.
18:55They have?
18:56No, they haven't.
18:57They haven't allowed ball bag.
18:59They haven't allowed ball bag, but they have allowed melons.
19:04Isn't that sexist?
19:06Isn't that sexist?
19:07It's sexist to me.
19:08Well, it's also not fair, because what if you were, I don't know, the wholesaler of giant holdalls
19:13for transporting footballs in large volumes to school playing fields?
19:16You might want ball bag.
19:18I think it's not likely to be bought by, well, they're not doing it,
19:21but it wouldn't be bought by a sporting wholesaler.
19:24In the same way that melons wouldn't be bought by a greengrocer.
19:27No.
19:27It would end up on Jordan's pink horse box, I guarantee.
19:30What?
19:31Horse box.
19:32Oh.
19:32What did you think I said?
19:34That's what I thought you said.
19:37Now, one of the things we've learned over the years on this show is if you want a small,
19:42fast saloon car, you have to buy a BMW M3.
19:47I mean, you can go off if you want and buy a fast Mercedes or a fast Audi,
19:51but that's like going out and buying a PlayStation war game that isn't Call of Duty.
19:57The M3 is the best, and that's an end of it.
20:02Now, however, BMW claim they've made it even better.
20:17First of all, it's fitted with a device that cuts the engine when you stop at a set of lights,
20:22and then starts it again when you set off.
20:26All on its own, this will solve global warming.
20:30So that's good.
20:32Next, it's available with a matte finish,
20:41which is as cool as buying some skinny jeans and then making an app about them.
20:49There are some drawbacks to this, though.
20:52First of all, it costs £1,755,
20:56and I think that's a lot for a bit of paint.
20:59Plus, you can't take it in a car wash, you can't polish it,
21:03and you must remove tree sap, dead insects and bird droppings immediately, or you'll ruin it.
21:09So really, you're paying £1,700 for some inconvenience.
21:16The biggest new feature, though, is what BMW call the competition pack.
21:21This will cost you £3,300, and for that, you get bigger wheels and tyres, a lowered ride height,
21:29and one or two software tweaks designed to keep you pointing in vaguely the right direction.
21:34Or, if the mood takes you, you can think in the wrong direction.
21:40This is very good.
21:52I'd love to say, at this point, that the competition pack has transformed the M3 into a mesmerising blend of God and Uma Thurman.
22:07But it hasn't.
22:10Truth be told, most of the time, makes absolutely no difference at all.
22:19In a straight line, it's no faster than the standard car.
22:24And around the bends, it feels exactly the same.
22:29Except, of course, when you eventually spin,
22:33it'll assume you've arrived at a set of lights and cut the engine.
22:37Well, if you've done that,
22:40nobody arrives at a set of traffic lights backwards in a cloud of tyre smoke.
22:46Stupid thing.
22:51However, with the competition pack, you do get one feature that you will notice.
22:56If you push this little button here twice, you engage sport mode.
23:06It doesn't make any difference to the speed you go, but it does make the car very uncomfortable.
23:12I know, for example, this runway is very smooth, but now it feels like I'm driving over a teenager's face.
23:22So there we are, the competition pack.
23:30You spend £58,000, and what you get in exchange is a normal £55,000 M3 with a little button that makes it worse.
23:41So, what about this, the new Audi RS5?
23:50This is also £58,000, but it does come with many bells and a fleet of whistles.
23:59It has four-wheel drive, a new mechanical centre differential, and an electronic gizmo that splits the torque between the rear wheels.
24:11Sounds juicy.
24:13Audi has even gone to the trouble of fitting the engine with a device that fires a droplet of petrol into the hot exhaust every time you change gear.
24:34So, ready?
24:36Ooh.
24:37Blum.
24:37And they use the planet's resources to make changing gear sound nice.
24:46I like that.
24:48But, can it beat the BMW?
24:53Let's find out.
24:57He has 414 brake horsepower.
25:00I have 30 more, so I'm expecting to just cruise by.
25:05But the Audi is heavier, and despite the high-tech four-wheel drive, it's nowhere near as good in the corners.
25:12Come on!
25:13I'll get him on the next one.
25:18Oh dear.
25:21No matter. I'll get him under braking.
25:28I won't get him under braking.
25:31Oh, in the sphere!
25:40This is weird, because in all fast Audis that I can remember, the engine has always been way out in front of the front axle, sticking out like Bruce Forsyth's shit.
25:52In this, they've moved the axle forwards.
25:55The idea being that that would kill the understeer that has always plagued Audis.
26:03Honestly, it really hasn't worked.
26:07Come on, turn!
26:08The only hope you have of getting past is that eventually the BMW driver will have to pull over to wipe an insect off the bonnet.
26:21I thought the RS5 would be a modern-day version of the original Quattro.
26:32A hardcore, fire-spitting monster.
26:35A machine born in the forests.
26:37Rough.
26:38Brutal.
26:39Exciting.
26:41But it isn't.
26:43It's comfortable and relaxing and quiet.
26:45And I'm sorry, but if that's what you want, why spend £58,000 on a four-wheel-drive V8 with an airbrake?
26:52In short, then, neither of these cars really works.
27:04And as a result, we're back where we started.
27:07If you want a small, fast saloon, buy a standard M3.
27:12A couple of weeks ago, you reviewed three cars that no one can buy.
27:29Yes, I did.
27:30And you've just reviewed two cars that no one will want to buy.
27:33Yes, I have.
27:35No, but listen, I have another problem with the Audi apart from the ones we've already seen.
27:39You know Audi sponsor Manchester United?
27:42Okay.
27:43So how many people here support Manchester United?
27:45Hands up.
27:48It's a few.
27:49It's a few.
27:50So they think, yes, we like Audis.
27:51Now, how many people here hope that Manchester United, the entire team, catches gonorrhea and is unable to play ever again?
28:00And that's the problem with a car firm when it sponsors a football team, because it automatically means the vast majority of people.
28:06My son, including, hates Audis.
28:08It's anyone who doesn't support that football.
28:09Yeah, exactly.
28:10I don't want to think if I bought an Audi that any of my money, even a tiny bit, is going to Wayne Root.
28:15No, or Sir Ferguson, with his chewing gum.
28:19Anyway, it is now time to find out how fast these cars go round our track, and then, of course, Mian's handing them over to our tame racing driver.
28:28Some say that in his wallet, he keeps a photograph of his wallet.
28:37And that, in a recent race, even he was beaten by the King's speech.
28:43All we know is, he's called the Stig.
28:49And they're off.
28:50The track is moist, and that should favour the four-wheel drive Audi.
28:55Let's see as they come up to the first corner.
28:59Audi's okay there.
29:01What about the BMW?
29:02No, it's getting a bit out of shape.
29:04Big squiggly there.
29:10I have no idea why he's listening to that.
29:13And there we are, the RS5's front-end washing out.
29:16BMW still tail-happy.
29:17Hey, the hammerhead.
29:19Will the Audi follow its nose like a truffle pig?
29:23Seems to be doing all right.
29:25Tyre squealing, though, with that precise Germanic pain.
29:28BMW drifting like a matte-painted lunatic.
29:36Bracer V8 powering into the follow-through.
29:40The Audi's got its downward up now through the tyres.
29:43Not much in it so far.
29:45Two corners left.
29:47Here they come now under braking.
29:48The RS5 looking a bit squirrelly there.
29:51Brakes, I must say, aren't that great on the track.
29:53They're both slithering through Gambon.
29:55And there we are across the line.
29:57So, the Audi RS5 did it.
30:00127.5.
30:03So that's there, the moist symbol.
30:06And the competition pack, even though it doesn't have four-wheel drive,
30:08and the track was a bit wet,
30:10126.5.
30:11So that goes there, look.
30:14Way fast.
30:15Yeah, but hang on, where's, where's...
30:16Normal M3.
30:17Normal M3 is there.
30:18So it's not as fast as the normal M3.
30:19No, this is the best car.
30:21Yeah.
30:22And always will be.
30:23And there's no point ever thinking otherwise.
30:25Now, it is time to put a star in our reasonably priced car.
30:29Now, my guest tonight appears in a new film alongside Nicolas Cage.
30:33One of those films where everything explodes and there's a car chasing.
30:35It's all in 3D.
30:36But she did cause a bit of a row in the office.
30:40You see, the producers said,
30:42you can't have her on because nobody has ever heard of her.
30:46And I said, yes, that's true, but she is bisexual.
30:50And she likes guns and muscle cars.
30:53And I won.
30:54So, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Amber Heard.
30:56Oh!
30:57Oh!
30:58Oh!
30:59Oh!
31:00Oh!
31:01Oh!
31:02Oh!
31:03Oh!
31:04Oh!
31:05Oh!
31:06Oh!
31:07Oh!
31:08Oh!
31:09Oh!
31:10Oh!
31:11Oh!
31:12Oh!
31:13Oh!
31:14Oh!
31:15Oh!
31:16Oh!
31:17Oh!
31:18Oh!
31:19Oh!
31:20Oh!
31:21Oh!
31:22That's pretty close to perfect.
31:23Where do we begin?
31:25I hear that's a good sign.
31:26It is a good sign.
31:27I'm trying to think of anybody I'd rather be sitting talking to now.
31:31Nope, can't think of anybody.
31:33The films that you've been in previously haven't really allowed you to indulge this passion for
31:38guns and muscle cars, I guess, really.
31:41What was the Pineapple Express, Zombieland, and then there was, what was that one where you
31:45were naked pretty much throughout?
31:46The Informers.
31:47The Informers.
31:48Yeah, yeah, that one.
31:49I watched that a lot.
31:50Yeah.
31:51That's, I think that's why people watch it at all, to be honest.
31:54I'm watching it now.
31:55Come back to me, come back to me.
31:59But the new movie, the new movie, Drive Angry in 3D, Nicolas Cage.
32:04Yeah.
32:05This is just obviously written with you in mind.
32:07I, I, I love, this movie is so cool.
32:10It is just all, it is, it's, it's, it's, it's loud guns, fast cars, and short shorts.
32:19On me, not Nicolas Cage.
32:20We've actually got a clip of the film.
32:23We'll show that to you now.
32:24Let's, uh, let's have a look at that.
32:26Tell him, I'm coming.
32:27You're too late.
32:28Hell's gonna walk the earth.
32:30Hell already is walking the earth.
32:33He broke out of hell to make things right.
32:37Now, he's got one last shot at redemption.
32:4122 miles of hard road.
32:42Now that's a hell of a ride.
32:43Just so you know, I don't pick up hitchhikers.
32:44I didn't have my thumb out.
32:45Oh, yeah.
32:46Between now and then, I'm gonna mess you up.
32:47Ah!
32:48Ah!
32:49Ah!
32:50Ah!
32:51Ah!
32:52Ah!
32:53Ah!
32:54Ah!
32:55Ah!
32:56Ah!
32:57Ah!
32:58Ah!
32:59Ah!
33:00Ah!
33:01Ah!
33:02Ah!
33:03Ah!
33:04Ah!
33:05Ah!
33:06Ah!
33:07Ah!
33:08Ah!
33:09Ah!
33:10Ah!
33:11Ah!
33:12Ah!
33:13Ah!
33:14Ah!
33:15Ah!
33:16Ah!
33:17Ah!
33:18Ah!
33:19Ah!
33:20Ah!
33:21Ah!
33:22Ah!
33:23Ah!
33:24Ah!
33:25Ah!
33:26Ah!
33:27Ah!
33:28Ah!
33:29Ah!
33:30Ah!
33:31Ah!
33:32Ah!
33:33Ah!
33:34Ah!
33:35Ah!
33:36Ah!
33:37Ah!
33:38Ah!
33:39Ah!
33:40it does take a long time so muscle cars where does this love come from well I'm
33:45from Texas and I think that had something to do with it it helps being
33:49from the south you know people are obsessed with their cars there so have
33:52you got one yes I am I drive a 68 Mustang in LA that's my car you just
34:01grow the third leg no and as it always been muscle cars or did he go through a
34:12period of a rabbit or whatever yeah I mean I've had I've had everything did you
34:20always been a love of old American big V8 no I've had a mercy I've had a 67
34:26Mercedes a 62 checker which is what the cab yeah so the Mustang now is that in
34:31Los Angeles that's my baby and what is what color is it it was cherry red until
34:36the last time it got stolen it gets stolen a lot why does it get stolen so much
34:41because I would have thought that was fairly easy to find somebody driving a
34:4368 mustang yeah apparently burglars or whatever you would call them would you
34:48call them car these robbers bastards is another
34:52like how you say bastards well anyway yeah apparently it's just easy to find
34:57for all sorts of people now most people that come here and talk about cars who
35:00live in California have gone out and bought a Toyota yeah exactly a price now
35:05why haven't you gone down that route I don't I don't blame people for buying
35:08Priuses I think that's great smart whatever you have a Prius no I do not have a
35:13I loathe them with an unbridled passion because what I always say when people say I've got a
35:19price you know because I really care I live in a yurt and I don't care about
35:22everyone well I sure it's made from leaves is my shirt is made from leaves is it no
35:29no no it's just the Prius is I mean the nickel for the batteries in that thing is
35:35mined in Canada and then it's put on a ship and it's taken to Norway and it's
35:39made into the batteries and it goes to Japan the damn thing's done two and a half
35:42million miles before you ever buy in California so I just ran into them in your
35:46Mustang if I'm yeah well I've done that actually in a checker so what you're
35:49into Prius no I ran into a couple of them not just one not just one I'd have
35:57just got out and laughed if I get it right yeah I need that we've done cars now I
36:02move on to guns yes you're obviously from Texas it's part of the culture there I
36:06guess so you grew up with them I grew up around guns I grew up around gun owners and
36:11gun users my dad at any given point has several on them it's just the culture
36:16then I have a gun myself what's all a 357 Magnus
36:23I've gone again have you ever fired a machine gun I have I've got a squad
36:33automatic weapon I set fire to Arizona once with one of those because it was full of
36:37tracer and you just firing away this is brilliant and then I've got the desert's
36:41on fire because all the tracer around great fun like you know how to party
36:49and on that bombshell it's very much for watching good night now obviously you're
36:56from Texas yeah okay Austin I believe I went there once and I went to a bar called
37:01the Broken Spoke have you been there I used to square dance and you didn't do line
37:09dancing oh yeah I am from Texas after all but there was this the guy that ran out I can
37:14remember as you watch it he said we don't have none of that fancy period water and
37:18in front I think that was my dad so when you went back to Texas which is a deeply
37:25conservative neck of the woods Bible Belt and said this is my girlfriend how did
37:31it go down well I think that you know I've always been I used to go to Catholic
37:36school and I got in a lot of trouble for the books I read books like you know
37:39written by George Orwell or Simon Rushdie you read a George Orwell book in Texas
37:44yeah I've kind of always found myself going against the grain and been I've had to
37:48confront you know preconceived notions for what a girl like me should be like my
37:55whole life and I've just always been myself and done my own thing I'm supposed
37:58you weren't put in an electric chair for reading George Orwell frankly because
38:01he's comedy well I carry a gun so anyway you came down here to do your lap wearing
38:08those shoes these are my driving shoes did you actually do a lap of our track in
38:14that they wouldn't let me what made you want wear a helmet with this hair it's
38:22fluffed up nicely I don't think I have I have fluffers because the Stig
38:27the Stig okay he was very and please don't take this the wrong way he's very
38:36unusual person he's very disappointed when you arrived because he was expecting
38:41thora heard he has a complete crush on her he doesn't how did you manage to get on
38:53with our kia c apostrophe d it did okay on the track I don't know if it would be my
38:57everyday car but it did okay on the track well that should we find out who
39:01would like to see Amber's lap yeah so look here we go
39:09there's no wheelspin I was trying what are you wearing on your hands gloves what
39:18are you actually a murderer yeah part-time they do look like stranglers gloves to me
39:34it's not very illegal no no no no need drive as fast as you like in Britain you're okay the yellow
39:41boxes they record it for you send you a note of praise that's not bad bit of understood that's not
39:48your fault and then doesn't quite have the same intensity when you watch it
39:52notice you really know that's a really your eyes you know where you're going in
40:00that corner that looks pretty quick as you see that yeah that's quite
40:08uncomfortable when you do that right coming up since the last corners but most
40:11people get it wrong on the wrong side of the road right there we are and into
40:17Gambon where Tom Cruise damn nearly rolled it over and there we are across the line
40:22where do you reckon you've come I have no idea well Tom Cruise is 144 to show off
40:38it was a bit showy off and Cameron Diaz who you probably ever know is 145 to oh really yeah
40:44anyway you did it in one minute 50 which means that's the slowest dry lap we've ever had
40:56anyway the most important thing is that we now know that you're a beautiful well-read intelligent
41:11well-traveled bisexual gun and muscle car enthusiast ladies and gentlemen you really have struck
41:18lucky this week Amber Heard
41:23right now this evening we are solving Britain's financial crisis by turning a combine harvester up
41:42into a snow plan earlier on in Norway we use it to make a runway on a frozen lake and if we're honest
41:48things didn't go entirely to plan no and the aeroplane sort of crashed a bit really but never mind
41:55that we pick up the action later that same evening heading for a nearby town where Jeremy was very keen
42:01to try out a de-icing attachment he'd fitted
42:08I am the god of hellfire and I bring you fire
42:16yes
42:18as we entered the town we all went to action stations
42:23I'm turning the bubble roll on
42:25give it more revs
42:26give it more revs
42:27yeah we got grits
42:30Hammond you got good grits
42:32unfortunately the communications were a bit roped
42:36stop stop we've hit the building
42:41fans are on going forwards
42:44oh god stop don't stop stop stop stop stop stop
42:50no drive no don't stop drive drive James drive
42:53just drive away
42:55he did it he did it
42:56annoyingly it was a dead end
42:58so James had to do a three-point turn
43:00which he's not that good at in a normal car
43:07stop stop stop stop stop stop
43:09but if I'm honest
43:12Jeremy and I weren't much help
43:14now now now
43:16hard left
43:17hard left
43:18to the right
43:19to the right
43:20not now
43:21not now
43:22to the top of the slope
43:23not now
43:24oh maybe
43:25maybe straight up a bit now
43:26straighten up now
43:27I've also had a wing
43:28can you
43:29can you give me sort of clear instructions rather than a load of hysteria
43:32I've no idea what's going on here
43:36after much palaver
43:37lava we finally broke free we've damaged it quite badly at the back and that has
43:45yeah but it's okay because we have gritted at least 30 feet of road yeah
43:55on the high street we had yet more success
43:58i'm in a ford sierra cosworth seat with a flamethrower
44:09not possible to be happier than that here we go burning the bank the gritting
44:17the flame throwing done a bit of plowing it's all marvelous
44:22it's like we're international rescue we are thunderbirds cruising norway looking for
44:29people who need our services i have to do the three-point turn now chapter at the end
44:36i'll provide the rear lighting it's like a reversing light yeah kind of it is when jeremy
44:44fires his flamethrower i can see a little bit in that mirror just keep going backwards keep going
44:50back again there was only one thing to do are we running away i've no idea i've no idea what's
45:06happening after much driving around and doing things we were hungry and the tank was empty
45:15diving here for fuel and a bag of crisps mate and then we'll carry on
45:21whoa does he realize how much the back swings out
45:28i'm going to clear this thing of snow for them that'll make them happy watch this
45:35cock
45:35where have you stopped i was trying to clear that thing of snow it's got a car in it
45:45i was i was going to be helpful and clear that and it just there was a car no no it was covered
45:50in snow i thought it was a pile of snow it's not covered in snow no it's not now you moron it was i
45:54thought i said did you run the car you ran into a car i didn't i was trying to be helpful there was
45:59there was only one thing to do go run away run away run run
46:07so far then we'd crashed a plane ruined a car burned a sign and smashed a house and then things got worse
46:19oh hang on hang on hang on oh champ my flamethrower's jammed the flamethrower is jammed
46:25what are you doing oh god the fire i can see a yellow a yellow mist in the mirrors
46:34oh god there's a man on fire jeremy set fire to a skier run away anyway i think if we do get
46:43reported to the police it's not going to take them very long to find us still as we weren't actually
46:50being stoned by an angry mob we went to bed that night feeling quite cheerful
46:57however the next morning there was bad news
47:08what does it actually say is it at least i don't think it's going to be upbeat is it
47:13harm med seg and him like that's an incredibly small man knocked my house morning morning we're in
47:24the paper no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
47:30a man who looked like a dog crashed into one of my trees i don't think it's a good idea to stay here
47:36anymore can i make a suggestion yes since this is a sort of prototype and we're testing it why don't we go
47:41and test it on i don't know a country road where there's just snow no people no people or cars or
47:47buildings or trees or benches let's just try and clear some snow this was a good idea so we fired up
47:55the dominator and headed for a road so remote even the nors had abandoned it to the weather
48:01a mountain pass called the road of terror probably
48:13if we can open this road the only one we did yeah we've proven we can we've proven the worth of this
48:21machine international and i think we'll be forgiven for the small things we've done wrong the man on fire
48:27houses car inside
48:32eventually we arrived at the gates to a frozen hell
48:37one of the problems we found yesterday one of them was that you tend to get snow sticking to the
48:42plough and building up and it doesn't work as well so an idea that i had is to cover the plough itself
48:48with a mixture of oil and diesel and i'm now doing it because it's my idea he's claiming it's his idea
48:56i happen to know he was talking to a snowplow driver in the bar last night
49:00nothing's going to stick to that with the preparations done we set off
49:05come on dominator our destination was a desolate hamlet 10 kilometers away
49:21oh look at that
49:24boldly plowing where no norwegian has plowed so far this winter
49:28this is a 1980s machine so that is a cassette player
49:38do you think jones is getting lonely out there he'll love it about 10 million
49:42pounds says he's fantasizing about being a lone skipper of some rain weather battered
49:48taller out in the north seas oh no can you help me be a lone skipper but with just one
49:54quite attractive man in the galley
50:04with the oiled clouds siding nicely through the snow jeremy and i swung into action
50:09oh that's grit oh yeah
50:25the gritting is going well hamlet
50:26i've lost my wedding ring what i've lost my wedding ring has it gone in the thing it must have done
50:50that's a tricky one to explain soon though we had bigger things to worry about than hammond's ring oh hang on
51:05what's that i nearly went through the windscreen but a snowy hillock was no match for the dominator
51:12right take this snow charge
51:15right right
51:26however while the battering ram was okay in this lonely place
51:30no no no no no no no don't do it the rear wheel steering was a nightmare
51:38no no no no no say tank slapper
51:41Right
51:43Whoa 안co
51:45No don't it's got a mind of his own
51:48And on the hills we had a serious power shortage
51:53Okay we've got full speed
51:56yes it is
51:59Oh okay that's enough, go back to diviñ verials, don't do that
52:05Stuck
52:06If you think about it, the combine harvester is designed to never work in the snow or the rain or on a hill.
52:13It's always flat ground on lovely summer's evenings.
52:16It's out of its comfort zone here.
52:19Which meant that, sadly, so was I.
52:25Jesus.
52:27He'll want the Victoria Cross now for using a shovel.
52:30Yeah, he will.
52:32Shall I just raise the plough and take his head off?
52:36Yes.
52:37Ah, for God's sake!
52:40Each kilometre was now a gruelling challenge.
52:44Oh, go!
52:46Stop!
52:47And my ingenious snow measuring tactic didn't go brilliantly.
52:53Ow!
52:54That's a lot harder there.
52:57But the Top Gear Snowbine kept on moving.
53:01Go! Full power!
53:09Look at us, carving a path. Look, that's us.
53:11I know.
53:12This road is open and will remain so until it snows again.
53:17Tonight, probably.
53:19Tomorrow.
53:20The Top Gear Snowbine Harvester is approaching.
53:24Warning.
53:25The Top Gear Snowbine Harvester is approaching.
53:28It's really annoying, this.
53:29It's the first time in my life I've got one of those tannoy things and there's absolutely nobody to talk to.
53:40James, there's one kilometre to go.
53:42One kilometre to go.
53:43This road is open.
53:45Who fancies a celebratory Bovril when we get there?
53:49Unless Bovril's the code word for something dirty, I don't want to do that.
53:53Hang on. I'm getting a bit of a tank slapper.
53:57Now it's wandering off.
54:01Oh no!
54:02I'm getting a tank slappers.
54:04Classic!
54:10This time, we've come off the road and into a massive snowdrift.
54:14Jesus, wet.
54:15It's a lot of snow.
54:16The snow out here that we're in is incredibly deep.
54:27Yes, that's what I feared.
54:29It felt quite deep as it went off the edge.
54:31You see the extent of the problem is quite big.
54:36A whole machine is...
54:38So, one wheel was stuck and one was spinning uselessly.
54:46Full power!
54:53I'm not going to do it.
54:57Spurred on by the previous day's failures, we dug furiously.
55:01Just for once, I want to do something properly.
55:10No, I want to clear this road and do it.
55:13No cocking about.
55:22This is coming out of here.
55:24The rocket bag, now forwards.
55:26Ah, it feels abusive.
55:29I'm wearing the touch-out.
55:31Hang on.
55:32It's starting to smell.
55:33Don't stop, James.
55:34Don't stop.
55:35Don't stop.
55:36With darkness falling and the temperature dropping,
55:39this was no time for mechanical sympathy.
55:42Come on, James.
55:43Come on.
55:44We can do this.
55:48A bit less left.
55:50Oh, really?
55:52Power!
55:53Go, go!
55:54Yes, you sober!
55:55Yes!
55:56Come on!
55:57Come on!
55:58Come on!
55:59Come on!
56:00It's out!
56:01Yes!
56:02Yes!
56:03Yes!
56:04Yes!
56:05Yes!
56:06Yes!
56:07Yes!
56:08Yes!
56:09Yes!
56:10Yes!
56:11That's it.
56:12Climb aboard.
56:14The Dominator surged forwards.
56:17And soon our destination hoved into view.
56:24He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he.
56:29We are so nearly there.
56:31Yes.
56:32Look at that.
56:37That is a blaze of glory.
56:40A blaze of glory, grit and bummer.
56:45Ladies and gentlemen, the top gear snowmine harvester has arrived.
56:52And so there we are.
56:53For once in our wretched lives on this programme,
56:56we'd actually done what we set out to do.
57:01You know what?
57:02What?
57:03We've been ambitious and brilliant
57:05and it's all thanks to the Dominator.
57:07Successful.
57:08Gentlemen, it's been a pleasure ploughing with you.
57:10It's been a joy and an honour.
57:12That was the right road, wasn't it?
57:13Yeah.
57:18Well!
57:19We did something!
57:20We were absolutely good!
57:22Yeah!
57:23I can never ever believe it, but it's true.
57:25It was weird.
57:27It was strong.
57:29Some conclusions we can draw from our outstanding success there.
57:33Britain has 3,700 snowploughs and gritters
57:37and spends £160 million a year clearing snow.
57:41And obviously that isn't enough
57:43because every time there's a light flurry,
57:45everything shuts down and closes.
57:47And that's why our idea makes so much sense
57:49because there are 15,000 combine harvesters in Britain.
57:53And all it takes to convert them into snowploughs
57:55is the spanner and a couple of burly men.
57:57Well, the grit of it was a bit more complicated.
58:00And the flamethrower.
58:01Yeah, I'm not sure you need that.
58:02No, you do.
58:03You do.
58:04It's brilliant.
58:05It's a good versing light.
58:06He set fire to a man.
58:07No, I didn't.
58:09He spontaneously combusted as we were driving by.
58:12I was incredible.
58:14I've never seen anything like it.
58:15Never.
58:16Anyway, look, the important thing is
58:17our Dominator was an old machine
58:19but if we'd used one of the more modern ones
58:21with a lot more power
58:22and especially if it had four-wheel drive,
58:24it would be, I think, brilliant.
58:26It would.
58:27So there we are.
58:28We have succeeded where the Bank of England has failed.
58:30We have solved the country's financial crisis
58:33and I think we're all going to get knighthoods now.
58:35I suspect so, yes.
58:36So, on that bombshell, it's time to end.
58:39Thank you very much for watching.
58:40Good night!
58:47And there's more Top Gear at the same time next week.
58:50Next this evening, stay with us for Being Human
58:53here on BBC HD.
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