- 2 days ago
Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May celebrate 50 years of the Jaguar E-Type, one of Britain’s greatest sports cars, with a stunning tribute and road test. The boys also attempt to build their own budget electric cars from used motors — then test them around Lincoln to see if they can beat modern EVs at their own game. Guest comedian Ross Noble sets a lap in the Reasonably Priced Car.
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Follow our channel for more car crazed mayhem. Alot more episodes to come that you don't want to miss. Like our videos and share with other car lovers!!
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MotorTranscript
00:00:00Tonight, I find a bicycle in a river, James annoys a dog, and Richard jumps over a dyke.
00:00:30Hello, good evening, hi everybody, thank you, thank you so much, thank you.
00:00:36Now, we start tonight on our track.
00:00:41This is a place of screaming engines and tire smoke.
00:00:45It is a cathedral to the god of thunder and the mistress of power.
00:00:50The natural home then for James May.
00:00:53That is a selection of sporty Astons.
00:01:02All of them neatly demonstrating exactly what's wrong with modern sports cars.
00:01:16Handling.
00:01:18The people who make sports cars are absolutely obsessed with it to the exclusion of everything else, like comfort, refinement.
00:01:27They just give you a racket, a load of smoke and a bad back.
00:01:31That is the noise made by idiots, full of sound and fury and signifying nothing.
00:01:39The reason these Astons are so unnecessarily hardcore is because of this place.
00:01:46The Nurburgring.
00:01:49As soon as a car company comes here to develop a new model, they forget about everything else except lap times.
00:01:56And that is the ruination of a car.
00:02:02Of course, those of you who know your Astons will at this point be saying, but there is a model for you.
00:02:07The DB9.
00:02:09The most grown up and least sporty Aston of them all.
00:02:13The trouble with this, though, is it isn't shaking my teeth out and it's not sending me into a boiling rage about handling.
00:02:19But it isn't really giving me the fizz either.
00:02:22If anything, this has now gone a bit too far the other way.
00:02:26There's a slight whiff of old fart about it.
00:02:30So what I need is the comfort of the DB9 infused with some of the power of the red hot DBS.
00:02:40And it looks like my prayers may have been answered.
00:02:43With this, the new Virage.
00:02:48At first glance, it looks the same as any of the current Astons.
00:02:52But take a second look and you'll see that nearly all the body panels are new, as are the front grille and the streamlined headlights.
00:03:02But does it fill the gap between the DB9 and the DBS?
00:03:11Now, the DBS has 510 horsepower.
00:03:15The DB9 over there has 470.
00:03:18And the Virage, that has 490.
00:03:21Logically then, the Virage should be the second fastest.
00:03:25I wonder how we can find that out.
00:03:33Well, come on, we've got a runway in 3 Astons.
00:03:36What do you expect us to do?
00:03:37Go!
00:03:45Taking the DB9.
00:03:49Well, only just.
00:03:52Very close.
00:03:55Oh, yes, yes, yes.
00:04:00Yes.
00:04:01The car in the middle of the power range came in the middle of the race.
00:04:06How about that?
00:04:08The Virage uses the same 6.0-litre V12 you'll find in the DB9 and the DBS.
00:04:13But again, it's a sort of in the middle version.
00:04:20It's tuned differently from the DBS engine.
00:04:22It now gives 85% of maximum torque.
00:04:27Just 1500 RPM.
00:04:31And it will go on to 186 miles an hour.
00:04:37And when all this gets a bit much, you have ceramic brakes as standard.
00:04:41So.
00:04:42Whoa.
00:04:43Nice.
00:04:44As for the handling, surprise, surprise.
00:04:45It's sharper than the DB9.
00:04:46But not as aggressive as a DBS.
00:04:47So let's move on to the price.
00:04:48The DBS is £170,000.
00:04:49The DB9 is £125,000.
00:04:50The new Virage is £150,000, you see, in the middle.
00:04:54So far, then, it's shaping up well.
00:04:55And it gets better.
00:04:57This is probably the best looking of all the Astons.
00:04:58And it has the nicest interior.
00:04:59The stitching is all done by one of the other.
00:05:00The DBS is £170,000.
00:05:01The DB9 is £125,000.
00:05:02The new Virage is £150,000, you see, in the middle.
00:05:03The new Virage is £150,000, you see, in the middle.
00:05:04The new Virage is £150,000, you see, in the middle.
00:05:09So far, then, it's shaping up well.
00:05:10And it gets better.
00:05:11This is probably the best looking of all the Astons.
00:05:12And it has the nicest interior.
00:05:13The stitching is all done by one seamstress to keep the weave constant.
00:05:30And, joy of joys, the useless Volvo sat-nav of other Astons has been ditched for one that
00:05:37works.
00:05:38However, before I can give this car a clean bill of health, I have to address the elephant
00:05:45in the room.
00:05:46The worry is they've made another track monster.
00:05:50They've just fallen for the same old trick.
00:05:52You've got to go round the Nurburgring, et cetera, et cetera.
00:05:55So, I've decided to do something radical.
00:05:58Leave the track and go for a pot around our airfield.
00:06:02Now, my idea here is to go on something a bit like a real road and see what the ride is
00:06:07actually like.
00:06:08And it will allow me to show you all the bits of the Top Gear test track that you never
00:06:14normally see.
00:06:15That's actually our studio.
00:06:16This is Nigel's garage.
00:06:17He's a lovely chap.
00:06:18Unfortunately, viewers, I then had to cancel the rest of the tour because after just a
00:06:22few hundred yards, I was too cross to carry on.
00:06:28Oh, God, I don't believe it.
00:06:29They've done it.
00:06:30I've got everything turned off.
00:06:31I've got sport off, the firm suspension off, but it's still too jiggly.
00:06:41It's been ruined by the ride.
00:06:43Listen.
00:06:44Rattle, rattle.
00:06:45Bang, bang.
00:06:46That is not necessary.
00:06:51The Virage, then, is a missed opportunity.
00:06:54It could and should have been a comfortable gentleman's express.
00:06:58Instead, it's just another pointless, bone-shaking racing car.
00:07:13What?
00:07:14Right.
00:07:15Is this going to be a five-minute argument or do you want the full half-hour?
00:07:25No, because I actually agree with you.
00:07:27No, for God's sake.
00:07:28Look, the point is Aston already make the DBS and the Vantage S for people who are enthusiasts
00:07:35of the Nürburgring, but why haven't they thought that there might be somebody who wants
00:07:38a fast Aston but maybe has, I don't know, backache, for example?
00:07:42Yes, I agree with that.
00:07:43Oh, shut up, man.
00:07:44Don't you not realise this could have been that car and it isn't and that's a tragedy.
00:07:49I know.
00:07:50You are such an idiot, honestly.
00:07:54Anyway, we must now find out how fast it goes round our track.
00:07:57Why?
00:08:01Because that enables me to say some ludicrous things about our tame racing driver.
00:08:06Some say that he can't eat mashed potato for religious reasons.
00:08:12And that he recently received 47,000 tickets, Olympic tickets, all of them for the final
00:08:19of the women's wrestling.
00:08:21All we know is he's called the Steg.
00:08:24And he's off.
00:08:25A nice controlled start there.
00:08:26And listen to that V12.
00:08:31Okay, coming up to the first corner.
00:08:35It's a heavy car, this, but it manages to corner surprisingly flat.
00:08:39Steg listening to the bangles there, but in German.
00:08:51A lot of tyre smoke coming out of Chicago.
00:08:55Coming up to Hammerhead.
00:08:56Will the big engine up front drag the nose wide?
00:08:59No, it is clinging on.
00:09:01And it is in fact, yep, it's the back that's letting go first.
00:09:06Very neat on the way out though.
00:09:08Okay, into follow through.
00:09:13Really owning other taps now.
00:09:15You can hear him shift up.
00:09:18Drifting it actually into the approach to the tyres.
00:09:20That is impressive.
00:09:21Just two corners left now.
00:09:23Hard on those ceramic brakes.
00:09:25Fat Pirelli squealing.
00:09:27Just Gambon left.
00:09:29Sliding it through there.
00:09:30And across the line.
00:09:32Interesting time.
00:09:37It did it.
00:09:39It did it in 1.24.4.
00:09:43So it's only half a second slower than the DBS.
00:09:46Yeah, and it would have been a much better car if it had been five seconds slower.
00:09:50I agree.
00:09:51Oh, you're insufferable, man, I can't remember.
00:09:53And now, we must do the news.
00:10:01And we start off with news that since James drove that virage, Aston Martin have launched a new car.
00:10:06And here it is.
00:10:07It's called the V12 Zagata.
00:10:08There it is.
00:10:09And James, you'll be particularly interested in this, mate, I think.
00:10:12Will I?
00:10:13Yeah, you will.
00:10:14You will.
00:10:15Because the boss of the company was quoted this week as saying,
00:10:18The Nürburgring is where we sign off every week.
00:10:22I'm quoting.
00:10:23And there could be no better place for the new V12 Zagato to be finally tested.
00:10:27Said the boss of Aston Martin.
00:10:29The crying outlay.
00:10:31Do you know what?
00:10:32If I'd been in Bomber Command in 1943, I would have bombed the Nürburgring every single night.
00:10:36Am I the only person who thinks like this?
00:10:41This bad back of yours, would you say it makes you a bit crabby?
00:10:43There's nothing to do with that.
00:10:45He's got a bad back as well, but he won't agree with me about it.
00:10:48Okay, okay.
00:10:49Ride is important.
00:10:50Alright, alright.
00:10:52Bomb it.
00:10:54It was a bad policy.
00:10:55Look where we are now.
00:10:56We no longer have Dresden Cathedral or all that lovely pottery, but we do have the Nürburgring.
00:11:00And under my bombing policy, we wouldn't have cars that rode badly.
00:11:03And you'd have a nice cathedral to look at and better saucers.
00:11:08Now, have you noticed how some of the best looking cars you can buy these days are like ordinary family saloons or hatchbacks or...
00:11:14I know what you mean.
00:11:15Yes.
00:11:16Estates.
00:11:17I mean, Citroen sends a picture of their new DS5.
00:11:19That is a good looking sort of ordinary mid-sized car.
00:11:22Everyday, but good looking.
00:11:23It's not alone.
00:11:24What's that Kia called for a while back?
00:11:25The Rooney?
00:11:26Not the Rooney.
00:11:27Rio.
00:11:28Rio.
00:11:29That was an awful looking car, but they've now launched this, which is called the something or other.
00:11:33The Optic, isn't it?
00:11:34Optimal.
00:11:35Optimal.
00:11:36It doesn't matter.
00:11:37Nobody who watches Top Gear is going to buy a Kia, but if they did, that would be...
00:11:40It's not too great.
00:11:41All Kia drivers are watching Countryfile on the other side going, it's Adam's Farm in a minute.
00:11:45We're looking forward to that.
00:11:46Oh, look at the little bar lamp.
00:11:48Oh, make a trail for what on the other side.
00:11:51Why not?
00:11:52Countryfile's a brilliant show.
00:11:53She's good, I know.
00:11:54It's cold and Julia Bradbury's out in a t-shirt.
00:11:55Leave it!
00:11:56Leave it!
00:11:57The Peugeot 508 is a good looking car as well, isn't it?
00:12:00It is.
00:12:01We've got a picture of it here.
00:12:02What makes that particularly good is that Peugeots in recent years have had these sort
00:12:06of the big guppy mouths on them.
00:12:08It's that.
00:12:09Yes.
00:12:10That is a very good impersonation of a Peugeot.
00:12:12No, that's what they used to be.
00:12:14I can only impersonate a Morgan.
00:12:16Yeah.
00:12:17That's not bad.
00:12:18It's not bad.
00:12:19Can you do any other car?
00:12:20No, I can only do Peugeots, but I can do any Peugeot you know.
00:12:23207.
00:12:24No, no.
00:12:25What's the people carrier?
00:12:27Can you do that one?
00:12:28Yeah, hang on.
00:12:29That's...
00:12:30I'll stump him.
00:12:32You know the tiny little one, the 1007 with the electric sliding doors?
00:12:36Oh!
00:12:37Uh...
00:12:38It's exactly like that.
00:12:41And then there's the Vauxhall insignia.
00:12:43I was following one of those the other day.
00:12:45That's basically a Vectra.
00:12:46Yeah.
00:12:47Fabulous.
00:12:48And the great thing about it is it's got positive camber on its back wheels.
00:12:51Well, you've got positive camber and you look ridiculous.
00:12:54He's right, actually.
00:12:55Oh, you have?
00:12:56You have?
00:12:57We've followed you around every airport in the world and you lumber along with your
00:13:03stupid legs bending out of the knee like that.
00:13:06It's like positive camber and you look terrible.
00:13:08Looks good positive camber.
00:13:09No, he doesn't.
00:13:10You look awful.
00:13:11Like a knackered Spitfire.
00:13:12Yeah.
00:13:13Spitfires are cool.
00:13:14No, a Triumph Spitfire.
00:13:15A beaky old Triumph.
00:13:16Assuming that's oil that's leaking out of you.
00:13:18That's because I'm set up for handling.
00:13:20You're set up.
00:13:21Mmm.
00:13:22If I...
00:13:23If you could find a 100 metre track that did that, I could be to Usain Bolt.
00:13:26Because I couldn't run down cornering.
00:13:27But you're claiming you've been set up for cornering.
00:13:29Well, you can shut up.
00:13:30You look like a car that's had its wheels and nicks.
00:13:35Now, last week we looked at a modern day interpretation of the E-Type, which was fantastic.
00:13:39Okay.
00:13:40Well, now there's another one.
00:13:41Here it is.
00:13:42Um...
00:13:43I mean, I just think that looks spectacularly good.
00:13:46It starts out in life as a Jaguar XKR, a modern day car.
00:13:49And then a Swiss company ups the V8 engine by 100 horsepower.
00:13:53And then they fit a, well, I have to say, brilliant looking carbon fibre and aluminium body.
00:13:58It's 200 kilograms lighter.
00:14:00That's gorgeous.
00:14:01I know.
00:14:02I'm not sure I really like it.
00:14:03Well, that's because you're odd.
00:14:04You are odd.
00:14:05But...
00:14:06You are very odd.
00:14:07But...
00:14:08I think there is a problem with this car.
00:14:10Because they've called it...
00:14:12The Growler.
00:14:16Yeah.
00:14:17Now...
00:14:18Now...
00:14:19We...
00:14:20We...
00:14:21We Googled Growler.
00:14:25And we were quite surprised and a bit shocked.
00:14:28By what it turns out to mean.
00:14:29And you know, Richard, I've just forgotten what it is.
00:14:32What does it mean?
00:14:33Can you tell the ladies and gentlemen?
00:14:35Well, you know those...
00:14:37Big welcome mats you might see on a girl in the 70s.
00:14:41That's what it means.
00:14:43Right then.
00:14:44Why would you name your car after that?
00:14:46Honestly, James, I don't think they knew.
00:14:48I think they're sitting now in Zurich or wherever they are.
00:14:51This is the first time they've realised that Growler means that.
00:14:54Yeah.
00:14:55In England.
00:14:56And they'll be sitting going,
00:14:57Gott in Himmel!
00:14:59Wolfgang, we have accidentally names a car after Ein Fraugarten!
00:15:04Look.
00:15:05The car.
00:15:06The growler.
00:15:07Yeah.
00:15:08Is it, um...
00:15:09Based on the next case, you've got four seats?
00:15:10No, you can't get in the back.
00:15:11Everybody's turned over to country files!
00:15:12What?
00:15:13What?
00:15:14I'm not...
00:15:15I'm not sure they're going to sell very many of those.
00:15:30No, and neither do I.
00:15:31And there's another reason why.
00:15:32It costs £670,000.
00:15:35Ouch!
00:15:36Yeah.
00:15:37There probably will be a trimmed down version later,
00:15:39but I bet you...
00:15:40Just for the Brazilian.
00:15:42I'm sorry.
00:15:45It's called the Growler.
00:15:48Sorry.
00:15:49It's a bloke, at some point, you're going to say,
00:15:50I'm just going outside to wax the ground.
00:15:52Oh, you dirty bugger!
00:15:59Anyway, that is the end of the news.
00:16:05Yes.
00:16:06Now, on Top Gear, we love hot hatchbacks.
00:16:08The idea of a sporty car and a practical car
00:16:10rolled into one easy-to-park box is hugely appealing.
00:16:14Yes, it is.
00:16:15But while we all agree that hot hatchbacks are brilliant,
00:16:17we cannot agree on which one is best.
00:16:20So the producers decided we should sort this out
00:16:23on a European road trip,
00:16:25beginning in the Italian town of Lucca,
00:16:27which is in Italy.
00:16:29I was the first to arrive, and as you can see,
00:16:43my choice was superb.
00:16:46This is a Citroen DS3 Racing,
00:16:51and it does everything a hot hatchback should.
00:16:54It is bonkers to look at,
00:16:56and with 204 horsepower under the bonnet,
00:16:58it's bonkers to drive as well.
00:17:00But it still has back seats that fold down.
00:17:03It's still small.
00:17:04It's still relatively inexpensive.
00:17:06It's...
00:17:07Ah!
00:17:08Ah!
00:17:09It seems Mr May has arrived in a driving instructor's car.
00:17:15This is a Renault Clio,
00:17:19but it's the cut version.
00:17:24And it is, pound for pound,
00:17:26the most exciting car on sale.
00:17:29Not my words.
00:17:30Not my words.
00:17:31The words of Autocar magazine.
00:17:34Autocar?
00:17:35Yes.
00:17:36And I could point out that it's £16,000,
00:17:40and yours is, what, £23?
00:17:42Where's your aircon?
00:17:43Cruise control?
00:17:44Sat Nav?
00:17:45You haven't got anything.
00:17:46It's got aircon.
00:17:47It's an optional extra.
00:17:48It's an option that's been selected.
00:17:50I don't want to.
00:17:51You've got 197 horsepower?
00:17:52Yeah.
00:17:53204.
00:17:54That's very nearly as much power as yours.
00:17:57In the same way that the Egyptian army
00:17:59is very nearly as powerful as the American army.
00:18:02You've got more power.
00:18:03Mercifully, at this point, Hammond arrived.
00:18:05In a car from the 1950s.
00:18:09Gentlemen, behold.
00:18:12The Fiat 500 Abarth convertible.
00:18:15The best hot hatch ever.
00:18:17Well, apart from a couple of things.
00:18:19One is it's not very hot.
00:18:21And two, it's not a hatchback.
00:18:23I'm with it.
00:18:24It is hot.
00:18:25This has got the SS kit on it,
00:18:26so it's 158 brake horsepower in there.
00:18:28Wow.
00:18:29Just a couple of things.
00:18:30Small.
00:18:31Yes.
00:18:32Yes, it is.
00:18:33This is enormous.
00:18:34This is the Clio.
00:18:35Cup.
00:18:36Yes.
00:18:37I've got one of those ridiculously gaudy training shoes with springs at the back.
00:18:41Look at me.
00:18:42Robot ship.
00:18:43Have you seen the writing?
00:18:44What?
00:18:45Look at it.
00:18:46This would look good on the deck of a Nimitz-class aircraft carrier.
00:18:50We're not on the deck of a Nimitz-class.
00:18:53We're in a beautiful Italian plaza.
00:18:55You know what this is?
00:18:56What?
00:18:57Juvenile.
00:18:58Juvenile.
00:18:59I have to say, James, one thing that...
00:19:01Juvenile.
00:19:02This is just a small French car.
00:19:04It also has an optional extra on it.
00:19:06It has air conditioning, yes.
00:19:07Yes, it has something else.
00:19:09Ah, yes.
00:19:10Oh.
00:19:11I didn't do...
00:19:12What this actually means in Italian is bell end.
00:19:15James, just to headline some of the cars.
00:19:18Magnificent.
00:19:19Ridiculous.
00:19:20It's a bit boring.
00:19:21Bland.
00:19:22It might look boring, too, but...
00:19:24Isn't it?
00:19:25It isn't boring, because it's about...
00:19:26I mean, what are these cars about?
00:19:27They are about the sensation of driving,
00:19:29and I know this will give it to me,
00:19:30because it's a small Renault, and they are the best in the world.
00:19:32It's about fun and experience.
00:19:34Hello, it looks magnificent.
00:19:35It's genuinely small.
00:19:36It looks.
00:19:37You can put the roof back, but...
00:19:38It isn't a hatchback.
00:19:41It's like turning up to do the Grand National on a cow.
00:19:44Or a hen.
00:19:45It's not.
00:19:46It isn't.
00:19:47Seeing that this was going nowhere,
00:19:48a producer stepped in with a challenge.
00:19:51No, this is a no-brainer.
00:19:53This is a no-brainer.
00:19:54To see which of your cars works best in the urban environment,
00:19:58you will now leave the city of Lucca.
00:20:04Is that it?
00:20:05Yeah.
00:20:06What, just drive out of a town?
00:20:08Well, how hard can that be?
00:20:11As it turned out, very hard.
00:20:16Because in this medieval walled city,
00:20:19the streets were a complete maze.
00:20:22Now, I think a left here.
00:20:24Oh, I can't go down here.
00:20:26I can't go left.
00:20:28Right, but it doesn't matter too much.
00:20:31I'll just go along here and then turn right.
00:20:35Oh, no, there isn't a right.
00:20:37It's just somebody's drive.
00:20:38I have to go left.
00:20:41One way.
00:20:42Really?
00:20:43You don't say.
00:20:44Every single turn you make puts you in exactly the same road
00:20:51as the one you've just left.
00:20:54Also, in any other city,
00:20:55the Renault and the Citroën would be considered quite small.
00:21:00Cog.
00:21:01But here, they were huge.
00:21:05And breathe in.
00:21:08Bloody hell.
00:21:09That's a squeeze.
00:21:12No, it's not going to fit.
00:21:14Sorry.
00:21:16Since when did the Renault Clio become an enormous car
00:21:18with a huge turning circle?
00:21:21Happily, the Fiat was small enough.
00:21:23But I had another problem.
00:21:25This just isn't working.
00:21:26The visibility in the C version with the sliding roof
00:21:32with the roof back is, you know, it's good compared to, say,
00:21:36having a bag on your head or being blind.
00:21:40Eventually, I decided the best thing was to abandon ship.
00:21:44Right.
00:21:45I'm leaving the car here.
00:21:46I'm going to go ahead on foot.
00:21:48I know I can make it on foot.
00:21:49Find the way out.
00:21:50Come back.
00:21:51Pick up the car.
00:21:52Drive out.
00:21:53This.
00:21:55This must be James' idea of hell.
00:21:58He gets lost in a hotel.
00:22:01Now, that was a curve in that road,
00:22:03which was essentially a right,
00:22:04but now I've gone to a left,
00:22:06so I must still be going the right way.
00:22:08Driving through somebody's restaurant.
00:22:10Sorry.
00:22:11Again?
00:22:12Sorry.
00:22:13Sorry.
00:22:18Hang on a minute.
00:22:19Is this?
00:22:20Is this the square where I started?
00:22:25Yes, it is.
00:22:29Hang on.
00:22:30That.
00:22:31That's the wall.
00:22:32That's the city wall.
00:22:34I've found it.
00:22:35There it is.
00:22:36Bit of a hill.
00:22:37Wasn't expecting that.
00:22:38Never mind.
00:22:39Uh.
00:22:40No.
00:22:41It's that way.
00:22:42Gearbox works.
00:22:43Reverse.
00:22:44First.
00:22:45Both good.
00:22:46Meanwhile.
00:22:47I think that ramp may have been a bit of a mistake,
00:22:48because the view from here and the view over that way of trees suggests I am actually on top of the wall.
00:22:54Still, could be worse.
00:22:55Hi.
00:22:56Do you know what I can ask?
00:22:57Yeah.
00:22:58Have you seen a fiat?
00:22:59A small black and white fiat?
00:23:00On your travels.
00:23:01Oh, no.
00:23:02No.
00:23:03No.
00:23:04No.
00:23:05No.
00:23:06No.
00:23:07No.
00:23:08No.
00:23:09No.
00:23:10No.
00:23:11No.
00:23:12No.
00:23:13No.
00:23:14No.
00:23:15No.
00:23:16No.
00:23:17No.
00:23:18No.
00:23:19No.
00:23:20No.
00:23:21No.
00:23:22No.
00:23:23No.
00:23:24No.
00:23:25No.
00:23:26No.
00:23:27No.
00:23:28No.
00:23:29Nothing to see here.
00:23:30Just a man driving on top of a historic monument.
00:23:35Eventually, I found my car, and the way back to the city wall.
00:23:42That's the first time since I left that I've gone fast enough to activate the central locking.
00:23:48But outside the city gates, Professor Smug was already there.
00:23:53Yes, there's no missing it, is there?
00:23:55A man standing next to a child's training shoe.
00:23:58Did you see Lord Lucan?
00:24:00No.
00:24:01Oh, he's there.
00:24:02Shergar, they're all in there.
00:24:04Even though James wasn't with us, another challenge then turned up.
00:24:09Ahem.
00:24:10Ahem.
00:24:11Right.
00:24:12You will now drive to the town of Canelli, which is 170 miles away near Albion.
00:24:18En route, you must collect the following items.
00:24:21A branch of a cedar tree, ice cubes, a photo of as many people as you can getting into your
00:24:28car.
00:24:29A CD from a service station, but you may not get out of your car to get it.
00:24:35A bicycle, a vine, and a dog.
00:24:38A dog?
00:24:39A vine.
00:24:40A bicycle.
00:24:41A bicycle?
00:24:42Whereabouts on the Riviera are you going to find...
00:24:45What a branch of a cedar tree.
00:24:47Who's the builders, isn't it?
00:24:48May!
00:24:49Yeah?
00:24:50What are you doing up there?
00:24:52I can't find the way down.
00:24:54After the idiot explained his predicament, we filled him in on our new challenge.
00:24:59A dog.
00:25:00A dog?
00:25:01Yeah, that's what I said.
00:25:02A dog.
00:25:03What's the point of that?
00:25:04It's to see how practical the car is.
00:25:06Well, off you go then.
00:25:08So we did.
00:25:14Autostrada.
00:25:15Here we go.
00:25:19And as we headed north, we fell even more in love with our cars.
00:25:25If you have a big BMW or Mercedes, it's like an expensive suit.
00:25:30So it has to be a sober colour.
00:25:33Silver, black, grey.
00:25:35But if you have a hot hatch, it's like a t-shirt.
00:25:39Could be anything you want.
00:25:40Have writing on it.
00:25:41Could be orange.
00:25:43Anything.
00:25:44That's why the DS3 racing is so brilliant.
00:25:47Because they've just taken the idea of fun and gone mad with it.
00:25:51Ooh.
00:25:52Ooh.
00:25:53Ooh.
00:25:54Ooh.
00:25:55Ooh.
00:25:56Fizzy-looking car.
00:25:57Just setting my cruise control, Hammond.
00:25:59Are you able to do that?
00:26:00Sorry, it's a bit windy in here.
00:26:02I'm just going to close my roof.
00:26:04Have you closed yours already?
00:26:05Oh, you can't open it.
00:26:06Oh, you can't open it.
00:26:09In all fairness, the Fiat and the Citroen are very similarly equipped.
00:26:13Probably there are a few more bells and whistles on the Citroen, but not many.
00:26:16This has got everything you need.
00:26:17Operate the stereo from the steering wheel, electric windows, electric roof that opens.
00:26:22Yeah.
00:26:24Meanwhile, very far behind, Captain's sense of direction had finally found a way out of Luca.
00:26:31Bursting out into the sunlight.
00:26:34Now.
00:26:38I don't doubt that the others will be bleating on about how they have sat nav or leather upholstery or whatever.
00:26:45But actually, that's not the point.
00:26:47Renault has concentrated on the things that make this a hot hatch rather than just a hatchback.
00:26:52So, you know, your money goes on the engine.
00:26:54This lovely steering wheel, this fabulous gear change.
00:26:56That's all great.
00:26:57You get a dull interior.
00:26:58It is very boring, very basic.
00:27:01But I want this car to drive.
00:27:03Soon, we were in the hills and ready to start our challenge.
00:27:19Bicycle dog.
00:27:20What else have I got?
00:27:21Bicycle dog.
00:27:22Ice cube.
00:27:23Get that near the end or it'll melt.
00:27:26I'm going to pull in here and attempt to buy a CD without getting out of the car.
00:27:31A branch of a cedar tree.
00:27:35A vine.
00:27:37To make life harder, the producers hadn't given us any money to buy things.
00:27:43Fortunately, production has supplied me with some potential bartering items.
00:27:49I have a CD here of Robson and Jerome's love songs.
00:27:54And I've also got this one, the...
00:27:57A Cockney Christmas with Chas and Dave.
00:28:01Do you speak English?
00:28:02No.
00:28:03A little bit.
00:28:04I may not get out of the car.
00:28:06Chas and Dave.
00:28:07Molto populare.
00:28:08Inglese.
00:28:09I don't understand.
00:28:11And then, can you go really far?
00:28:16Really far.
00:28:17There you go.
00:28:18Good, good, good.
00:28:19There's three.
00:28:20There's three in the front right away.
00:28:22Okay, let's go.
00:28:24Suspension's gone down a bit.
00:28:26That's ten.
00:28:28In we go.
00:28:29Oh, thank you, madam, for helping.
00:28:31Right, I reckon we'll get another four in the front.
00:28:33Come on, one...
00:28:34Oh, cyclists, you'll be thin.
00:28:36Look at...
00:28:37Skinny's just a stick.
00:28:38Yes.
00:28:39Easy, signora.
00:28:40But...
00:28:44It's his bottom.
00:28:45You've got his bottom in your face there.
00:28:49Twelve.
00:28:51Thirteen.
00:28:52It's the thirteenth.
00:28:54That is thirteen people in a Citroen DS3 racing.
00:28:59Beat that, Hammond.
00:29:00Beat that, mate.
00:29:02Fourteen.
00:29:03Count them up.
00:29:04Oh, that is magnificent.
00:29:05That's for Italy.
00:29:06If I just do one cheering for Italy, for Fiat.
00:29:08Yeah!
00:29:09We're all excited.
00:29:12Chas and Dave.
00:29:14Robson and Jerome.
00:29:16Molto bene.
00:29:23Since we had to be at the finishing point by six,
00:29:25and there were bonus points for getting there first,
00:29:28it became a very busy afternoon.
00:29:32Yes, that's a vineyard.
00:29:33It's a vineyard.
00:29:40No, the CD.
00:29:41Okay?
00:29:42In the shop?
00:29:44I'm a scientist,
00:29:47and I'm investigating the possible medicinal healing qualities of vines.
00:29:52Now, I am able to offer you, in part exchange,
00:29:57this commemorative crate.
00:30:00This...
00:30:01The swap?
00:30:02Okay.
00:30:04For a vine...
00:30:06Si.
00:30:07I can give you...
00:30:08Molto valuable...
00:30:11Wills and Kate souvenir wedding bell.
00:30:13Si.
00:30:14Ah.
00:30:15That is a good stereo.
00:30:16Can I just clarify, I'm not looking for bicycles to steal.
00:30:31Anyway, there's a policeman there.
00:30:33But, it's a policeman on a bicycle.
00:30:41There you go.
00:30:42Off-roading.
00:30:47Is that a cedar tree?
00:30:48Citroen.
00:30:49Ha.
00:30:50Ha.
00:30:51Ha.
00:30:52Ha.
00:30:53Ha.
00:30:54Fiat?
00:30:55Ha.
00:30:56Ha!
00:30:57Ha.
00:30:58Ha.
00:30:59Ha.
00:31:00Ha.
00:31:01Better.
00:31:02Very, very good.
00:31:03bicycle in it it's a police bike in a fiat it's just better hang on
00:31:15i'm so hot
00:31:21i'm gonna get a bicycle in here as well
00:31:22grazie thank you thank you very much you don't have police dogs do you no never mind
00:31:39oh god it smells terrible
00:31:44but we're now just 20 minutes left in which to scavenge our remaining items
00:31:49i'm gonna get a cube of ice not difficult dog
00:31:57how do you scavenge a dog
00:32:03come on
00:32:07right the final thing ice thank you so much for doing this you are so kind trades gentile
00:32:17could you just stay here i have to get an ice cube
00:32:21uno minuto okay
00:32:26really gotta hurry now it's melting
00:32:31come on quicker little citron have you ever been in a car with a tree growing out of the back too
00:32:38probably not
00:32:39but james too had found a dog but sadly his speed was limited by his ice cube transportation system
00:32:53which meant there was plenty of time for conversation
00:33:00i like dogs and cats
00:33:06i'm just got a wet seat that doesn't count
00:33:11there's one left
00:33:12sorry about the noise it's the tree dragging on the road
00:33:19ice cube is melting
00:33:27it's very pretty here isn't it
00:33:31now come on don't melt
00:33:33it's coming through
00:33:40huh
00:33:41that was there
00:33:43oh sorry sorry sorry
00:33:45oh no
00:33:50uh that's okay yes yes
00:33:52that's an actual purse yes yes first of all well done hammond no well done well done
00:33:58apparently that's ice
00:33:59that is that as is that yes it is where's your dog it's not a dog is this
00:34:05what this is is some acrylic fur stuffed with industrial waste
00:34:09that's the way to talk about a dog yes it is do you think this is a dog dog look at that that's proof
00:34:15enough for me you can have that little friend
00:34:20james arrived just as the last of his ice cubes melted
00:34:24good evening good evening uh this is francesca hello francesca this is jeremy let me guess
00:34:30richard christ has he made you pregnant no no no you've worked fast mate
00:34:39thank you
00:34:44we'll pick that up we'll pick that up later on but now it is time to put a star
00:34:49in our reasonably priced car now my guest tonight he's a comedian who spends his weekends with other
00:34:56men dressed in leather he's part of a minority group called motorcyclists ladies and gentlemen ross
00:35:03noble
00:35:16i just yeah i just wanted to check because i saw i didn't realize that you actually have a lady wrangler
00:35:23you have somebody that just finds all the good-looking women and just pokes them with a stick get to the
00:35:28front get to the front there's blokes in the middle that literally come to this show so that
00:35:34when the ladies move through they just stand there
00:35:40um now i must move on um if we may okay i've got a list here of your bikes that you currently own
00:35:46right triumph scrambler 675r ducati street fighter yeah bmw 450 ktm 250 gas gas 250 and a 1974 norton
00:35:58commander why would you have so many because they're all the same that's quite funny because since your
00:36:02researcher talked to me about that i've bought another one just to annoy you make bikes live for
00:36:10because i don't understand they all they have no styling why are they different well you see to me right
00:36:14a car is a big box of metal right with somebody sitting inside it a bike is like you're part of
00:36:20the bike you know you move on a bike and it you know you look where you want to go and the bike
00:36:25goes where do you see what i mean and you can move around on it but you know i mean granted granted
00:36:30you can't have a sandwich while you're doing it but i'm working on that i'm going to go on dragon's den
00:36:36with some sort of sandwich spring that's a little longer go
00:36:39i can tell you don't like cars because i've got a list of your past car history mg metro yeah cavalier
00:36:48all these cars met with terrible ends largely i have no what i like about a bike is if you get it wrong
00:36:55you die it's like what's good about that it sort of keeps me on my toes whereas with the car uh i got
00:37:05this land rover i had a couple of tractors as well because we lived we still live in the country i
00:37:10thought my wife had you know those big round bales of hair she said can you move that into the the feet
00:37:16down into the bottom field yeah easy enough tried pushing it a bit tricky right so i thought well what
00:37:22i'll do is i'll just gently i'll nudge it with a car the land rover they're built for it so i just
00:37:27saw it crunch and nothing happened i thought i'm gonna have to go faster at this so i floored it into
00:37:34this into this bale of hair and i went right here we go and it went bang and instead of pushing it
00:37:41the car mounted the bale of hair so it just looked like the land rover was humping the bale of hair
00:37:47and then the second one i wrote off i um i lived on it was all gravel roads and i forgot i wasn't
00:37:56colin mcray and the back of the car started to sort of overtake me a bit and i thought that that can't
00:38:03be good and as it came around the car went up on two wheels and then it went on to its side and then
00:38:10i started sliding down this hill my wife's lip balm hit me in the face crap everywhere and dust and this and
00:38:16the sat nav just went off route recalculate i have to crawl out the back was that in australia
00:38:26yes it was were you lucky in australia because you got caught up in those awful fires right with melbourne
00:38:31wasn't it yeah 2009 that's right yeah because we heard about them on the news yeah here you know
00:38:36these bushfires but these were beyond belief beyond anything you could possibly write and literally it
00:38:43torched like there was nothing left it was literally like our house was we had a we had a
00:38:50an oven like one of these wood burning stove things and you can heat them up to 2000 degrees
00:38:57and that had smashed and melted on the top so that gives you an idea of the but how fast do those fires
00:39:03move oh i mean like normally a fire goes a i think it's a meter it's a meter a minute and these things just
00:39:11you know you it was you know there's people that were trying to outrun it just couldn't do it in
00:39:16cars you know so how did you get out well i wasn't there luckily family with the family i was yeah my
00:39:21wife my wife was driving along with the flames behind her and uh yeah but how fast did she have to go
00:39:27then to i don't think she was looking at the speedo to be honest she absolutely was yeah yeah there's
00:39:34flames behind her and she was and it was all it was all coming down and they were horrible and i don't
00:39:39think we really realize in this country how horrible yeah yeah it was it was uh it was something
00:39:44like 50 times the hiroshima bomb that was the that was the area of destruction you know and so you've
00:39:52come back to live in england now i have yeah down in kent and have you bought some land there is
00:39:56i have the country living organic farming oh yeah it's all organic the whole lot cheese making not
00:40:02really yeah what have you done with your paddock i have bought 150 traffic cones off the internet and
00:40:11turned it into a motorcycle racing truck which the neighbor's not too happy about to be honest
00:40:17and does he overlook your paddock yeah well he does when he stands on a ladder and shakes his i shouldn't
00:40:23be saying this on the time because it's a bit of a but uh no i don't i mean i love you know i love
00:40:30getting out there and i've got um tractors i've got earth moving equipment oh and also i bought a tank
00:40:40what sort of tank is yours mine's in abbott 433 oh well that's a self-propelled gun though isn't it
00:40:44it strictly speaking no because the military purists they would say that is a self-propelled
00:40:52artillery that looks like a tank but when it comes up behind you down the shops
00:40:59because this is the thing like when i it was one of the best days of my life actually when i got
00:41:03the tank delivered because he's massive the guy brings it on a big like a low load i think and he
00:41:08turns up and he says there's no way that that is going to go up the country lanes we have to get
00:41:13the tank off and we're gonna have to drive it to your house so tanks there my car's here and this
00:41:19is possibly the greatest sort of like motoring experience of my life right i'm driving along in
00:41:24my high looks come through the there's this quite two hedges either side and i drive halfway through
00:41:29another tanks you know it's trying to keep up he's going as fast as he can i stop and a little old
00:41:34fella comes around the corner now i've clearly gone further down the narrow bit than he has right
00:41:39and he stopped and i went go back and he went you know when you just think i could not have set
00:41:49this up better and i went go back and he went no and i went and the gun appeared and the guy get out
00:42:00like this was all over here money mints flying all over there are you actually allowed to drive it
00:42:06on the road not only are you allowed to drive it on the road it's congestion charge exempt
00:42:11oh this is great now i have to say the lap yes um you've heard about your car history that's shocking
00:42:27so did you crash today yeah yeah anybody want to see the clip of the first attempt yeah let's have a look
00:42:36here it is i believe it's that yes here we are coming out after the second to last corner here's gambol
00:42:50can help who would like to see the actual lap okay let's play the tape
00:42:57that's good and well look like them dude boys got themselves in a whole heap of trouble
00:43:08right there we go first corner tortured tires squeal like a pig boy squeal like a pig
00:43:17miss cooper was talking about pigs drive it like you've stolen it that's a wide line
00:43:27oh some valves coming out of the bonnet now as we turn into the hammerhead keeping it nicely
00:43:36between the last thing that looks very fast you've gone into a trance
00:43:43flat out flat out through here
00:43:55best to keep your eyes open yeah yeah well you know right now let's have a look this is
00:44:01oh that was absolutely bang on and cutting it again or have we learned our lesson no oh i say what that is
00:44:07these are the times where do you think who's another biker on there uh bill bailey is he a biker
00:44:26no no no do you really want to see bill on a bike
00:44:35no i don't actually i'll tell you what tom cruise is a biker oh yeah yeah all right i'll be one ahead
00:44:40of tom cruise then just put me out of my misery one right
00:44:4640
00:44:52tom cruise is 140 40. oh stop it you're 143
00:44:59right isn't gentlemen the second fastest man
00:45:02no i have to say it's those last two corners and we're absolutely perfect they were perfect
00:45:24oh look and i was beaten by another northern comic
00:45:29it's the northern comics are the fastest people in the world as it turns out yeah do you know how
00:45:34quickly we get home from our gigs ladies and gentlemen nearly a record breaker all around good guy
00:45:41ladies and gentlemen thank you very much
00:45:50now tonight we are reviewing the boring renault clio cup it's not boring yes it is the charlis
00:45:57citron ds3 racing and the excellent fiat 500 are bath yes now so far we've found out what they're like
00:46:03in town we found out what they're like at being hatchbacks but now it's time to find out what they're
00:46:08like when you put your foot down yeah the producers told us to leave our overnight halt here in the
00:46:14foothills of the italian alps and drive to monaco down here
00:46:30right at last a chance to drive this little thing
00:46:40steering just feels fabulous oh a little crackle and bang on the overrun
00:46:49oh yes this thing grips the grip is helped i don't doubt by being short and fat
00:46:56so it's four square on the road oh i don't think i'd change anything about this
00:47:08in a straight line this is by far the fastest of the three
00:47:13naught to sixty six and a half seconds
00:47:17the funny thing is though even though it's called the racing and it was designed by citron's motorsport
00:47:24division it doesn't actually feel like a racing car or a rally car it feels soft it feels very
00:47:31citrony quiet and then is the steering there's no feel to it at all you sort of have to guess how
00:47:39much lock to put in for each corner is it this much no more
00:47:44it's a fact hammond has a 1.4 liter turbocharged engine jeremy has a 1.6 liter turbocharged engine i have
00:48:01two liters no turbocharger and that's important because there's no lag there you go through the bend
00:48:07there's the power trouble was though it wasn't actually getting me anywhere god having this little
00:48:14boot thing takes off like a rocket ah he's getting away the problem with that reno is brilliant though
00:48:21the suspension is and so on it weighs more than the qe2 and you can really see that coming out of the
00:48:26corners it just doesn't get going oh that could have something to do with its driver the interesting
00:48:34old bell tower over there eventually we reach the riviera
00:48:44there's the mediterranean glistening blue which is amazing considering how many turds there are in it
00:48:51as we approach monte carlo i heard a familiar sound
00:48:55chaps
00:49:01i think the grand prix's off oh my god i think down there
00:49:07what's grandpa
00:49:11have either of you two ever watched the monaco grand prix i think i watched it in the early 80s
00:49:18that's the one in the town right
00:49:19never has anyone had to work with such imbeciles
00:49:26in the hills above monaco we were told to pull over for a challenge
00:49:31love that sound tomorrow you will do three laps of the monaco grand prix track
00:49:38whoever posts the fastest time wins
00:49:40monaco grand prix i'm going to drive around the a cloak that
00:49:47my hair is serious my hair that is just the boyhood dream but hang on if we've got to do
00:49:53hot laps and that puts you at a bit of an advantage let's be honest well really i've never actually
00:49:57driven around it when it's a racetrack i mean i don't know how well i don't know the fastest line
00:50:01through rascas well i know what rascas is i don't know where it go you know how difficult i find it
00:50:07remembering a trap am i going to get a go around can i look at a picture of it no exactly i'll be
00:50:13driving around a foreign town when the grand prix practice was over we went in search of some f1
00:50:20drivers so we could get some tips and immediately i found david pulthard and the key here is speed up
00:50:30the hill not speed into santa vote concentrate on really getting that car turned early on the power
00:50:36because what you gain here if you got on the power two three meters early you'll add five
00:50:41kilometers an hour to your top speed as you there is actually a noticeable crest there yeah
00:50:44absolutely you'll you'll see just as you're coming over the crest you won't see so you've got
00:50:48a lot of grippy tarmac there on the apex on the apex meanwhile down in the harbor my colleagues
00:50:55had been rather distracted by all the parties thank you gentlemen look confident look confident
00:51:02look like you do this all the time grab that grab that moment with the things on the steps
00:51:07where would you try in a road car to go by a good run through the tunnel and then the left right so
00:51:13over the crest and then just have a bit of it as soon as you see these brake lights come on count
00:51:19and then go on the left you stay left uh we're doing a bit of driving around the track you know
00:51:25analyzing some of the corners so if you live in monaco do you drive around like where the track is
00:51:32all the time good what hints have you got for me i'm going to drive around it tomorrow and use
00:51:37the curves at four and five it gives it more grip four and five yeah and this i can rascas i can take
00:51:44quite a lot of entry speed into that and then use the front wheel drive to just wash it off
00:51:49well it's it's very much a party sort of place uh it has very elegant properties it's
00:51:56like monaco in many ways actually have you ever been to hammersmith
00:52:02at the end of the evening we met up to compare notes have you found anything about the track out
00:52:09yes it's just over there there's all these boats and it's really busy i mean have you talked to a
00:52:15single racing driver yes we have yes yes very very nice man called tim o'clock i was team tim o'clock
00:52:23tim o'clock
00:52:33the next morning the producers decided that because the track has no runoff areas and is very dangerous
00:52:38none of us could drive around it unless we had a bit of tuition first richards tutor was red bull
00:52:44team boss christian horner i got former reno boss flavio briatore and jeremy was given an elderly
00:52:53gentleman bernie eccleston bernie eccleston as i live and breathe how are you this morning good michelle
00:53:01no listen we need these other two cars disqualified huh yeah no problem it was time to begin
00:53:11there's a flag waving oh we're off try and hook a right here send them up we have to stay left i
00:53:17reckon now we have to go there yes
00:53:19bernie you old seat now we gained a bit you we gained a lot okay let's go over to the right a bit
00:53:30that's it and then what was that lift what was the lift i didn't know i don't have to slow a bit
00:53:36yeah slow down go down with the gear jesus christ yeah here's tight right break break break what you
00:53:44doing break oh my god there aren't actually people watching as well what do they expect i wonder they
00:53:53expect an accident
00:53:58but it's a condo for this one of them just bring jeez okay be careful now eh yeah that's right it's
00:54:12too complicated this we get the curb on the left you missed it get the curb on the right you missed it
00:54:19try get this girl right we missed that one as well no last guess great now oh really look really
00:54:26so right now jewish nova we ditched the teachers that was quite good come on that was good gee yeah
00:54:34and set off on our warm-up lap i am out of my depth to a degree i've never before experienced
00:54:42the crowds were beside themselves as we started our first lap here we go
00:54:48okay okay now this creeps up on you
00:55:02whoa that one
00:55:08no i'm struggling i'm struggling come on rich
00:55:11wait wait until you can see the arm code before breaking that's now
00:55:24so
00:55:32love your corner for jesus christ
00:55:44thaw them up
00:55:47oh well late going in there get in get in
00:55:50It's simply terrifying. You just have no... I mean, look.
00:55:57Fine. Dead.
00:56:09Oh, dear God.
00:56:10That's Hammond dealt with in the tunnel.
00:56:12Now, James will not know where he's going.
00:56:14Okay, now we're coming down to the chicane, I think.
00:56:17Or is it Rassimakas?
00:56:20Jesus is going to have me here. I can feel it coming.
00:56:30Under braking. You get the grip from the zebra.
00:56:35Gossip.
00:56:38Get this curve.
00:56:44Oh, this is risky. I don't know the way.
00:56:47Hammond, you bugger.
00:56:50Oh, God almighty.
00:56:52I've caught that up a bit.
00:56:55We now had just one lap left.
00:56:58It had to be a fast one.
00:57:04My last ever lap of the Monaco Grand Prix track.
00:57:07Don't mess this corner up again, Jeremy.
00:57:09Whoa!
00:57:16Straight line it.
00:57:18Leave it in third.
00:57:21Holy K, that's a second.
00:57:26That was better.
00:57:27Careful of the barrier, he comes out.
00:57:32Get it in there.
00:57:46Flap, flap, flap, flap.
00:57:47Flap, flap, flap.
00:57:49Whoa!
00:57:51It's getting away.
00:57:52My mighty Fiat roaring in the tunnel at Monaco.
00:57:58Topless women, mustn't look, mustn't look.
00:58:00I can see why racing drivers love this track.
00:58:04You are just on it.
00:58:14Oh, God, it's true.
00:58:18I think this is it.
00:58:20Come on, everything you can.
00:58:28Oh, my God, what an extraordinary day.
00:58:33Yee-haw!
00:58:36I have to say, that's pretty special.
00:58:39Oh, what a fantastic moment.
00:58:43Thank you, Bernie.
00:58:44Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much.
00:58:55That was amazing.
00:58:57I really, I really do mean that.
00:59:03No, I really do mean that.
00:59:04I can't, I've never had a day I've enjoyed more working than that.
00:59:08It was amazing.
00:59:09I mean, I'm not exactly steeped in F1 folklore.
00:59:12But still, that was the most amazing track driving experience I've ever had.
00:59:16And the thing is, I've always thought the Monaco Grand Prix track works because of where it was.
00:59:20You know, the harbour and the palace.
00:59:21But actually, you could pick it up and put it in a field in Lancashire.
00:59:25And it would still be a fantastic thing to drive around.
00:59:29Yeah, absolutely.
00:59:30It'd certainly be better than the Nürburgring, wouldn't it?
00:59:33It is our time to work out which of these cars is best.
00:59:36And we begin with the getting out of Luca challenge.
00:59:39Now, Jeremy, I believe you arrived first.
00:59:41Yep.
00:59:42I saw the war, so you get ten points.
00:59:43Good.
00:59:44Hammond, you were second.
00:59:45Yes.
00:59:46So you get five points.
00:59:47And I, of course, was last, so I only get two points.
00:59:50However, the producers have said that any man who loses his car in the city is actually disqualified.
00:59:57So, in a matter of fact, Hammond, I'm afraid you've got naught.
01:00:02Oh, I can see where this is going already.
01:00:05So you've got naught for that.
01:00:06Now, the scavenger hunt.
01:00:08Hammond, you finished first.
01:00:10Yes.
01:00:11You get ten points.
01:00:12Yes.
01:00:13I was second, so I get five.
01:00:14James, you were last, so you get two.
01:00:16However, because your ice cube had melted, I'm afraid you lose a point for that, so you
01:00:21actually only get one.
01:00:22Oh, dear.
01:00:23Fair enough.
01:00:24Hammond, the producer said that because your dog wasn't real, that is minus two points.
01:00:30Minus two?
01:00:31Yes.
01:00:32And also, because your cedar tree turned out to be a larch, that's another minus two.
01:00:36Yeah.
01:00:37And finally, you didn't get a CD, so that's minus...
01:00:39Oh, let me guess.
01:00:40Is it six?
01:00:41Yes, it is.
01:00:42Is it?
01:00:44Six and two, two.
01:00:46It's naught.
01:00:47Yes, it is.
01:00:48It's naught for that.
01:00:49Yeah.
01:00:50People in the car.
01:00:51James, you got twelve.
01:00:53I got thirteen in the, uh, citron, and you get naught.
01:00:58I got fourteen for that.
01:00:59What?
01:01:00I got fourteen in it.
01:01:01No, unfortunately, the producers have said that because your people weren't actually
01:01:04in your convertible, they were sort of on it, you were disqualified, so...
01:01:08Oh, for God's sake.
01:01:10It's naught.
01:01:11Uh, now, the big one.
01:01:12The lap times.
01:01:13Hammond.
01:01:14Well, I did it in the fiat in two minutes, twenty seconds.
01:01:17Ooh, two minutes, twenty-one.
01:01:19Close.
01:01:20Oh, this is tricky.
01:01:22Oh, God.
01:01:23Well, I've got to look pleased now, haven't I, without being smug.
01:01:26Yeah, you're not pulling that off.
01:01:27Go on.
01:01:28Ten minutes.
01:01:29What?
01:01:30Fifteen.
01:01:31Oh, God.
01:01:32So, I get ten points.
01:01:33Do you?
01:01:34Uh, wait a minute, you get...
01:01:37Well, it can't be naught this time, can it?
01:01:39I'll finish.
01:01:40Uh, you get five.
01:01:41Uh, you get five.
01:01:42And you get...
01:01:43I'm afraid to last again, so that's another two.
01:01:45Okay, so let's tot up the totals.
01:01:48Jeremy, you have, uh, thirty-eight.
01:01:51Excellent.
01:01:52Excellent.
01:01:53I have fourteen, fifteen, I've got seventeen.
01:01:56And, Hammond, I'm afraid you have five.
01:01:59Five.
01:02:00No, you see, he doesn't.
01:02:01Really?
01:02:02No, because the producer said it was a test of hot hatchbacks, and you must have a points
01:02:07deduction for turning up in a car that wasn't a hatchback.
01:02:10Really?
01:02:11Uh, how many points does he lose for that?
01:02:14It's five.
01:02:15Is it?
01:02:16Is it really?
01:02:17Yeah.
01:02:18So, so I get naught again.
01:02:20Yes.
01:02:21And on that bombshell, it's time to end.
01:02:24Thank you very much for watching.
01:02:25Good night.
01:02:40Good night.
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