- 3 months ago
The team attempt to prove that cars can be considered modern art by creating motoring-themed exhibits for a Middlesbrough gallery. Jeremy tests the Vauxhall Insignia VXR on the track, and the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car is rock musician Brian Johnson from AC/DC.
Follow our channel for more car crazed mayhem. Alot more episodes to come that you don't want to miss. Like our videos and share with other car lovers!!
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Follow our channel for more car crazed mayhem. Alot more episodes to come that you don't want to miss. Like our videos and share with other car lovers!!
Thank you for supporting our channel
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MotorTranscript
00:00:00Tonight, I get scared half to death on our track.
00:00:15We host our own art exhibition,
00:00:18and the world champion is in our reasonably priced car.
00:00:27Thank you, everybody.
00:00:30Thank you. Hello.
00:00:32Hello and welcome.
00:00:34Welcome, everybody.
00:00:35Now, a few years ago, we got very excited by this,
00:00:40the Noble M400.
00:00:43But then the man behind the company that made it up sticks and left.
00:00:48And then they stopped making it,
00:00:50and then the whole operation just disappeared from the radar.
00:00:54Now, though, it's back.
00:00:57This is what it's come up with.
00:01:04Designed and built by some blokes I've never heard of on an industrial estate in Leicester,
00:01:09it's called the M600.
00:01:16Underneath the rather featureless body,
00:01:19the chassis is made not from carbon fibre, but stainless steel.
00:01:22And the V8 that powers it is lifted from this.
00:01:31Yep, it uses the same engine,
00:01:34albeit with a couple of turbochargers,
00:01:36that Volvo use in the XC90.
00:01:39So, built in Leicestershire from bits of the industrial revolution,
00:01:46and powered by the engine from a Volvo school bus.
00:01:49And the cost?
00:01:53200,000 pounds.
00:01:58And that does seem like a lot for a car that has no satellite navigation,
00:02:03no climate control,
00:02:05no airbag.
00:02:06It doesn't even have anti-lock brakes.
00:02:08Now, the men from Leicestershire say ABS is just another example of the Nanny States
00:02:15sticking its nose in,
00:02:16and that's very admirable.
00:02:18But you can't help suspecting the real reason it doesn't have ABS
00:02:22is because when you're operating out of an industrial unit in Leicestershire,
00:02:26you can't really afford them.
00:02:28There's another problem as well.
00:02:33What kind of person looks at the established range of supercars and thinks,
00:02:39I don't like any of them?
00:02:44However, it turns out that there is a reason why you might choose a Noble
00:02:48rather than a Porsche,
00:02:51or a Ferrari,
00:02:53or a Lamborghini,
00:02:56or an Aston Martin.
00:02:58or a McLaren Mercedes.
00:03:01You see, in terms of sheer speed,
00:03:05the Noble can blow all of that lot
00:03:07into the middle of last week.
00:03:20Let me show you what I'm on about here.
00:03:23I'm currently doing 40 miles an hour in second gear.
00:03:26Ready? Foot down.
00:03:28And there's 60.
00:03:3140 to 60 in one second.
00:03:34Whoa!
00:03:37On a fourth gear,
00:03:38100 to 120 in two seconds.
00:03:42100 to 130
00:03:44150 in three seconds.
00:03:46It does 150 to 170 so quickly,
00:03:50your eyeballs bounce off the back of your skull.
00:03:54Ice squash balls!
00:04:00Break it, break it.
00:04:01Oh, my God.
00:04:02Oh, my God.
00:04:02You have to push.
00:04:03There's very little servo assistance there.
00:04:05Oh, have you pushed too hard?
00:04:08You lock them up because there's no ABS.
00:04:11You got it, quick.
00:04:17That's mind-blowingly fast.
00:04:20That is properly, head-alteringly quick.
00:04:23Flat out, it'll do 225 miles an hour.
00:04:34Mainly because the engine, despite the Volvo connection,
00:04:38develops 650 horsepower.
00:04:41And the whole car only weighs 1,250 kilograms.
00:04:46And the news keeps on getting better.
00:04:51This, down here, is exactly the same switch
00:04:55that a pilot uses in a tornado fighter bomber
00:04:58to fire the missiles.
00:04:59It was specifically designed
00:05:02so it couldn't be used by accident.
00:05:04And that is a good thing.
00:05:05Because in here, what it does
00:05:07is turn the traction control off.
00:05:16Ah!
00:05:17I wish I'd catch it on!
00:05:20Oh, I really wish I'd catch it on!
00:05:23Ah!
00:05:28The margin for error
00:05:29in most supercars
00:05:31is actually quite wide,
00:05:33but in this, it really isn't.
00:05:36Car stops!
00:05:39It's a constant knife bench.
00:05:421% too much speed going into a corner,
00:05:45you get understeered.
00:05:46Like that.
00:05:471% too much throttle to correct it,
00:05:49you've got oversteered.
00:05:511% wrong with the steering,
00:05:53you're going to spin.
00:05:55Remember, there are no electronic driver aids
00:05:58to help you out.
00:05:59There's no medivac shopper.
00:06:02You get it wrong,
00:06:03you're on your own.
00:06:18There is a fantastic sweet spot in this thing,
00:06:21but even when you find it,
00:06:23you're often too terrified
00:06:25to enjoy the moment.
00:06:28To really enjoy it
00:06:30and to find it regularly,
00:06:32you have to be a much better driver than I am.
00:06:36I'm not really doing this justice.
00:06:43Driving it fast, though,
00:06:44you need to be good.
00:06:45But, weirdly,
00:06:47to drive it at all,
00:06:49you don't.
00:06:51Happily,
00:06:52if you wind the engine down to
00:06:53550 horsepower,
00:06:55or 450,
00:06:57which you can do
00:06:57using this switch here,
00:07:00it becomes a different animal.
00:07:01It becomes completely docile.
00:07:04Car.
00:07:04No harder to drive
00:07:06than
00:07:06a Nissan Micra.
00:07:08And like the old noble,
00:07:14it's quiet
00:07:14and extremely comfortable.
00:07:16It really does ride beautifully.
00:07:20Summing this car up then
00:07:21is hard,
00:07:22because, let's be honest,
00:07:24there are several very good reasons
00:07:26why you shouldn't buy one.
00:07:35But there is one very good reason
00:07:38why you should.
00:07:44Users!
00:07:45So it's that far.
00:07:57It's that edgy.
00:07:59It's that edgy.
00:07:59It is.
00:08:00Honestly,
00:08:00it's the nearest I've ever come
00:08:02to collecting a camera car
00:08:03on a shoot.
00:08:04I think,
00:08:04I think that was the first time
00:08:06I've ever seen you
00:08:06properly scared
00:08:07on our track.
00:08:08Oh, it was.
00:08:09No, I really was.
00:08:10It's not so bad
00:08:11when it's dry,
00:08:12but when it's wet,
00:08:13you have to have
00:08:14the reactions
00:08:15of a housefly.
00:08:16So not a fat,
00:08:17balding,
00:08:18middle-aged man.
00:08:19No, exactly not that,
00:08:21which is why
00:08:22we are now going to
00:08:23hand it over
00:08:23to our tame racing driver.
00:08:26Some say
00:08:27that you shouldn't
00:08:28go round to his house
00:08:29for your Christmas lunch
00:08:30unless you enjoy
00:08:31the great taste
00:08:32of seagull.
00:08:35And that the reason
00:08:36he always wears a helmet
00:08:37is because a man
00:08:38once smashed him
00:08:40in the face
00:08:40with a model
00:08:41of Salisbury Cathedral.
00:08:44All we know
00:08:45is he's called
00:08:46the Stig.
00:08:47And he's off.
00:08:49We've had rain
00:08:49for the past few weeks
00:08:50now.
00:08:51We've got a dusting
00:08:51of snow.
00:08:53Still hoping for good
00:08:54things since Stig
00:08:54is one of the few things
00:08:55that can really get
00:08:56to the bottom
00:08:57of a noble.
00:08:58He loves them.
00:08:59That is nice
00:09:01through there.
00:09:03Beautiful
00:09:03on the way out.
00:09:04Appropriate music
00:09:10for this weather
00:09:11performed in the style
00:09:12of a Cray Brothers
00:09:13funeral there.
00:09:15Bit of twitchiness
00:09:15on the way in
00:09:16but tasty on the way
00:09:17out of Chicago.
00:09:18Now Hammerhead
00:09:19he came in very fast
00:09:20understeering
00:09:21as I discovered earlier
00:09:22but Stiggy knows
00:09:23how to drive through
00:09:24and find that sweet spot.
00:09:26Right, time now
00:09:33to unleash
00:09:34the twin turbo
00:09:35kicking the kidneys.
00:09:37He does seem
00:09:37to be sawing
00:09:38at the wheel
00:09:38a lot in there.
00:09:39It is a brute
00:09:39this car
00:09:40but the Stig
00:09:40isn't phased.
00:09:41That would be
00:09:42literally impossible.
00:09:43Two corners left.
00:09:45He's still working hard
00:09:46but the car itself
00:09:47looks weirdly composed.
00:09:49Coming up to Gambon.
00:09:51Slices through there
00:09:52and across the line.
00:09:53You can really do that
00:09:55better than you can start.
00:09:55It is good.
00:09:56It is bad.
00:09:59Okay.
00:10:00Here it is.
00:10:00Here it is.
00:10:02And it goes.
00:10:05Mmm.
00:10:06Hang on.
00:10:06You've just gone
00:10:06above a 599.
00:10:07Yeah.
00:10:08And above a scooter.
00:10:09That's that fast Lambo.
00:10:10Yeah.
00:10:10And above the Enzo.
00:10:11That's an Enzo up there.
00:10:12What?
00:10:13And the Sonder F.
00:10:15Pass the Sonder Convertible.
00:10:16Whoa.
00:10:17To there.
00:10:19So it's expensive
00:10:20but it works.
00:10:22I mean that is.
00:10:22I knew it would be great.
00:10:25Excellent.
00:10:27Right.
00:10:28Now we will do the news
00:10:30and we begin with this.
00:10:31It's a new Aston Martin.
00:10:33It's called the Rapide.
00:10:35You can think of it
00:10:36as a DB9
00:10:37with two extra doors
00:10:38and that means
00:10:40there is room back here
00:10:41for two extra
00:10:43fully grown adults
00:10:45to enjoy the
00:10:45470 horsepower
00:10:47V12 motoring experience
00:10:49and they can enjoy
00:10:50exquisite details
00:10:51such as these
00:10:52magnetically located
00:10:54grab handles
00:10:55look
00:10:55won't flap around
00:10:57when you're driving along.
00:10:58All this is yours
00:10:59for 140,000 pounds.
00:11:02Now
00:11:03that is
00:11:04quite a bit more expensive
00:11:06than Porsche's
00:11:074-door
00:11:07the Panamera
00:11:08but there are two
00:11:10very good reasons
00:11:11why you should choose
00:11:12the Aston Martin.
00:11:13Firstly
00:11:13and unlike the Porsche
00:11:15it does look
00:11:16rather magnificent
00:11:17and secondly
00:11:18most importantly
00:11:20this is
00:11:20quintessentially
00:11:22British
00:11:23despite the fact
00:11:24that it's made
00:11:25in Austria
00:11:26which I think
00:11:29is in Germany.
00:11:29okay now
00:11:32as you can see
00:11:33we are surrounded
00:11:34here by
00:11:35a mountain
00:11:36of motoring
00:11:37related Christmas
00:11:38present ideas
00:11:38well I say present ideas
00:11:39actually it's landfill
00:11:40oh yeah
00:11:41so anyway
00:11:43we haven't got time
00:11:43to get through all of it
00:11:44but I want to start
00:11:45with this
00:11:45right now
00:11:46perfume as we know
00:11:47is a very popular
00:11:48Christmas gift
00:11:49big names
00:11:50Givenchy
00:11:51Chanel
00:11:51now look
00:11:52the RAC
00:11:53has launched this
00:11:58they're calling it
00:11:59Eau de voiture
00:12:00oh sounds proper
00:12:01what you do
00:12:02is you spray it
00:12:03into your car
00:12:04and as you
00:12:04it makes it smell
00:12:06like a minicab
00:12:07it's quite strong
00:12:08have some of that
00:12:10but it is like a minicab
00:12:12because it smells
00:12:13oh
00:12:13my eyes
00:12:16you credit
00:12:19blinds
00:12:21the thing is
00:12:24it's
00:12:24what it does
00:12:25and I've really got
00:12:26a lot of it now
00:12:27is it's one of those
00:12:28smells that makes you
00:12:29think it's covering up
00:12:30other smells
00:12:31like Femme Fresh
00:12:32yeah
00:12:33because it's
00:12:35it's a very strong
00:12:37smell in its own right
00:12:38but it suggests
00:12:38that there are other
00:12:39things
00:12:39because you actually
00:12:40you get notes
00:12:41don't you
00:12:42you get notes
00:12:42undercurrents
00:12:43suggestions
00:12:44I can smell all the
00:12:45fruity stuff
00:12:45but also
00:12:46a bit of stale weed
00:12:47sick
00:12:49I can get a really
00:12:50really beery burp
00:12:52yes yes
00:12:52all the other things
00:12:53you expect in a minicab
00:12:54definitely
00:12:55I have another gift
00:12:56suggestion here
00:12:57for Christmas
00:12:57are you fed up
00:12:58with people
00:12:59bumping into you
00:13:00in a crowd situation
00:13:01yes I am
00:13:02oh yeah
00:13:02yeah well I have
00:13:03the solution here
00:13:04with these
00:13:04small ear-mounted
00:13:07human indicators
00:13:08I kid you not
00:13:09this is
00:13:10what happens is
00:13:11I'm walking along
00:13:12say in a shopping centre
00:13:13here I am
00:13:14in a shopping centre
00:13:15situation
00:13:15oh you'll be the crowd
00:13:16okay
00:13:16now there's a danger
00:13:17of jostling happening here
00:13:18because I'm going to go
00:13:18in that shop on my right
00:13:19yeah well
00:13:20jeez you can indicate
00:13:22so now you know
00:13:23and you can take evasive action
00:13:24and you can go left
00:13:25yeah if I'm going
00:13:25I might actually
00:13:26I fancy the record shop
00:13:27over there
00:13:28and everybody knows
00:13:31what's happening
00:13:32it's a very good gift
00:13:33human indicators
00:13:34so how much are they
00:13:35do we know
00:13:35oh I don't know
00:13:37some money
00:13:37some money
00:13:38Land Rover are taking
00:13:40a very pragmatic
00:13:41approach to the
00:13:42Christmas gift idea
00:13:43and they have produced
00:13:43this
00:13:44it's the Land Rover
00:13:45distress whistle
00:13:46and it will cost you
00:13:47£1.50
00:13:49now I just want to
00:13:50paint the scene for you
00:13:51you're in the wilderness
00:13:52in your Land Rover
00:13:53and you drive
00:13:54into an impulsible gully
00:13:56you become stuck
00:13:57it starts to fill up
00:13:59with water
00:13:59you're out of food
00:14:01you're almost out of fuel
00:14:02you cannot get a signal
00:14:03on your mobile phone
00:14:04and you're bleeding heavily
00:14:05from a severe abdominal wound
00:14:07but it's okay
00:14:08shh
00:14:09if I was there with you
00:14:12in that situation
00:14:13and you produce that whistle
00:14:14I would beat you to death
00:14:15before you
00:14:16well yes
00:14:18look at this
00:14:19superb shirt
00:14:20it's got
00:14:22everything you need
00:14:24really
00:14:24it has
00:14:25a web address
00:14:26here
00:14:27stitched into the collar
00:14:28and then on the back
00:14:30look at that
00:14:31Mercedes Benz
00:14:32that's classic
00:14:33oh yeah
00:14:34really honestly
00:14:35it's hard to think
00:14:36of any way
00:14:36that this could be improved
00:14:38that says
00:14:38I have a washing machine
00:14:40and everything else I own
00:14:41is already in it
00:14:42well Jesus
00:14:42you like
00:14:43you like a flowery shirt
00:14:45so why wouldn't you like that
00:14:46well
00:14:46why do you want
00:14:47why would you want
00:14:48I think I've found a way
00:14:49I'm improving it
00:14:50okay this is a bad thing
00:14:53that's a bad thing
00:14:54that's
00:14:55it's gone out of hand
00:14:57it's alright
00:14:58no it's gone out
00:14:58relax
00:14:59that's actually quite
00:15:02what I'm just
00:15:03I have actually set fire
00:15:06to the Land Rover teddy bear
00:15:08you know the smoking rules
00:15:14in Britain
00:15:14sorry about that
00:15:21anyway look
00:15:23I think
00:15:24it's still on fire
00:15:25it's not
00:15:26it's like smouldering
00:15:27that's all
00:15:28look at this
00:15:30it's a fork on one end
00:15:33and a 10mm ring spanner
00:15:35on the other
00:15:36and the best thing is
00:15:37there's another spanner
00:15:38in the middle
00:15:39look
00:15:39no but this means
00:15:41you can go seamlessly
00:15:42from mending your motorcycle
00:15:44to eating a pie
00:15:45without even pausing
00:15:46look at this
00:15:47wow
00:15:48yeah
00:15:49wow no
00:15:49you say wow
00:15:51okay
00:15:51this is some packaging
00:15:53you know the sort of packaging
00:15:54you're going to sever your fingers
00:15:56getting in there
00:15:56okay
00:15:57but it's worth it
00:15:58because when you get in there
00:15:59you've got this metal thing
00:15:59then you get underneath your car
00:16:01use what fingers you have left
00:16:03from opening the packaging
00:16:05to attach it to your exhaust pipe
00:16:07and then it makes a noise
00:16:09which fools other road users
00:16:11into thinking that your car
00:16:13is turbocharged
00:16:14is it like that wastegate noise
00:16:18when you lift off
00:16:18so it goes
00:16:19brrrr
00:16:19do it again
00:16:20brrrr
00:16:20it does that
00:16:21well you could attach you
00:16:22it would be easier
00:16:23it's not really going to fool anybody
00:16:25bolted onto my panda
00:16:26is it
00:16:27whatever sort of noise
00:16:27you make
00:16:28chaps
00:16:29you know how difficult it is
00:16:30to choose the right calendar
00:16:32because obviously you choose it now
00:16:34and you've got to live with it
00:16:35it's a big commitment
00:16:36it is
00:16:3712 months
00:16:38you have to live with it
00:16:38so I'm a bit stumped
00:16:40on what I'm going to use next year
00:16:41because there's this one
00:16:42okay
00:16:43this is Her Majesty's Prisons
00:16:45of England
00:16:47different picture
00:16:48okay
00:16:49every uh
00:16:50every month
00:16:51but then I found
00:16:52this one
00:16:53but I mean
00:16:54those outer circle
00:16:55municipal bus routes
00:16:57ooh nice
00:16:57but then
00:16:58I found
00:16:59I think
00:17:00the solution
00:17:00to my calendar problems
00:17:02the unofficial
00:17:04oh yes
00:17:05who did that
00:17:08look at it
00:17:09it's awful
00:17:10unofficial
00:17:12yeah you can have it James
00:17:14you can have that
00:17:14I've got loads
00:17:15why are you drunk
00:17:18in all the pictures
00:17:19well I don't know
00:17:21it looks like
00:17:22all the pictures
00:17:22were taken
00:17:22coming out of
00:17:23awards ceremonies
00:17:24so yes
00:17:24I probably was drunk
00:17:25do you know
00:17:26what I really love
00:17:27about that calendar
00:17:28most of all
00:17:28because it's unofficial
00:17:29you all go and buy one
00:17:30he receives
00:17:31not one single penny
00:17:33I know I know
00:17:33thank you for publicising it
00:17:35that is very kind of
00:17:36just make sure
00:17:37they've all got it
00:17:38there we go
00:17:38we'd like to recommend
00:17:39this calendar
00:17:40everybody go and buy it
00:17:41get rid of them
00:17:42get rid of them
00:17:42let's do the rest of the show
00:17:45like that
00:17:45how does everything get broken
00:17:47in our Christmas thing
00:17:48now moving on
00:17:50as we know
00:17:51the lottery fund
00:17:52has spent millions of pounds
00:17:54turning old warehouses
00:17:55in places like Liverpool
00:17:56and the West Midlands
00:17:57into art galleries
00:17:59and we also know
00:18:00that they have all been
00:18:01an unmitigated failure
00:18:03yeah now
00:18:03we think the reason for this
00:18:05is because
00:18:05they haven't got any cars in them
00:18:07yeah
00:18:08art experts will tell you
00:18:09that cars aren't art
00:18:11but we think
00:18:12they can be
00:18:13because back in the 1970s
00:18:15BMW started making things like this
00:18:18over here
00:18:18it's a 3 litre CSL
00:18:20but the bodywork
00:18:21has been painted by
00:18:22American artist
00:18:23Alexander Calder
00:18:24then in the 90s
00:18:25there was this
00:18:25it's a 3 series race car
00:18:27but the body's been painted
00:18:28by artist Sandro Cheer
00:18:29and then over here
00:18:30an 850 CSI
00:18:31that's been painted
00:18:32by British artist
00:18:33David Hockney
00:18:34provincial galleries
00:18:35would never accept
00:18:36this sort of thing
00:18:37these days
00:18:38and that
00:18:38we reckon
00:18:39is exactly why
00:18:40they're failing
00:18:41so we decided
00:18:42to take over
00:18:43the Mima gallery
00:18:43in Middlesbrough
00:18:44and using nothing
00:18:46but motoring based art
00:18:47we would attempt
00:18:48to get 30,000 visitors
00:18:50through the door
00:18:51up north
00:18:52in a single week
00:18:53and that's as many
00:18:55as Tate Britain gets
00:18:56in a week
00:18:56in London
00:18:57this is the north
00:19:01which is where
00:19:02northerners live
00:19:03and this is the art gallery
00:19:10we've taken over
00:19:11we'd simply
00:19:12clear out the paintings
00:19:14northern people
00:19:15plainly don't want to see
00:19:16and fill it with
00:19:17motoring exhibits
00:19:18that hopefully
00:19:19they do
00:19:20to decide
00:19:23what these exhibits
00:19:24would be
00:19:25we went to our
00:19:26secret motoring
00:19:27art base
00:19:28in Surrey
00:19:28what on earth
00:19:31is that
00:19:32well it's a car
00:19:33the artist claims
00:19:34that he makes these
00:19:35by painting them
00:19:36and then driving
00:19:36a remote control
00:19:37over them
00:19:38I mean I like it
00:19:39I quite like it
00:19:40it's got a
00:19:41joie de vivre to it
00:19:42and put it in
00:19:43oh
00:19:44it's Damon Hill
00:19:45in the wet
00:19:47superb
00:19:47oh that goes in
00:19:49this is heralds
00:19:49do you know what I think
00:19:50what he should have done
00:19:52is just given us that bed
00:19:53that would now look like
00:19:54one of Monet's visions
00:19:55of his lily pond
00:19:56but it would be about
00:19:58formula one
00:19:58it does have a Monet
00:19:59quality to it
00:20:00there's no question
00:20:00I'm sorry gentlemen
00:20:02this is the worst painting
00:20:04I've ever seen
00:20:04in my entire life
00:20:05and it's not coming
00:20:06or is it
00:20:07really
00:20:08maybe this is
00:20:09a commentary on
00:20:10the superhuman
00:20:12almost alien nature
00:20:13of a formula one driver
00:20:15at this level
00:20:16because clearly
00:20:16this isn't human
00:20:18that much is
00:20:20immediately apparent
00:20:21and what it's done
00:20:22is suck the life
00:20:23out of this corpse
00:20:24in the overalls here
00:20:25that's leaning forwards
00:20:25all of that's gone
00:20:27drained out
00:20:28by this creature
00:20:29you're right
00:20:30this is coming with us
00:20:31this is properly
00:20:32amazing stuff
00:20:33and so's that
00:20:34yes
00:20:34I think in Middlesbrough
00:20:36this will go well
00:20:36why I a tab
00:20:38yes
00:20:39because what they're doing
00:20:40is refueling his car
00:20:41and he's having a tab
00:20:42that is without doubt
00:20:45the centrepiece
00:20:46of our exhibition
00:20:47it's an exquisite work
00:20:48that is not going in
00:20:50Hammond
00:20:50it cannot go in
00:20:52we went round the room
00:20:54ticking the yeses
00:20:55I like that
00:20:56look at the way
00:20:57they've captured
00:20:58his moustache
00:20:59so beautifully here
00:21:00in fact not just
00:21:01that moustache
00:21:02but the other two
00:21:02moustaches as well
00:21:03so this is a collage
00:21:04out of press comments
00:21:07about
00:21:08ah
00:21:08I see
00:21:09excellent
00:21:10yes
00:21:11definitely going in
00:21:12oh gentlemen
00:21:14gentlemen
00:21:15I bet you any money
00:21:17that in the north
00:21:18people will be stunned
00:21:20by this
00:21:20it's a V8 shark
00:21:22if it provokes a response
00:21:24it will provoke a response
00:21:25in addition to the pre-prepared art
00:21:29we'd be making some ourselves
00:21:31James for example
00:21:33was keen
00:21:34to make a sculpture
00:21:35I've decided what I should do
00:21:37is deconstruct the car
00:21:38literally
00:21:39as you can see
00:21:40and artistically
00:21:41and then rather than
00:21:42try and rebuild it
00:21:43as a sculpture
00:21:43that speaks about the car
00:21:44I'm going to do it
00:21:46as a sculpture
00:21:46that speaks about
00:21:47my emotions
00:21:48my feelings
00:21:50when I drive a car
00:21:51inspired to some extent
00:21:52by Picasso
00:21:53I think all you need
00:21:55to bear in mind
00:21:56is that if you can get
00:21:57an artist
00:21:58somebody with frizzy hair
00:21:59and sticky out teeth
00:22:00to say it's art
00:22:02then it's art
00:22:02while James set to work
00:22:05on his big metal face
00:22:07Richard went off
00:22:10to create a modern day
00:22:11interpretation
00:22:12of Constable's Haywain
00:22:13right
00:22:16unlike Richard
00:22:24I'm not very good at drawing
00:22:26because I didn't go to art school
00:22:27so my painting
00:22:29will be done by this
00:22:30the 2005
00:22:35Red Bull F1 car
00:22:37yep
00:22:39it's 3 litre V10
00:22:42will be my brush
00:22:43all we need now
00:22:47is a tame racing driver
00:22:48some say
00:22:49he has a massive chin
00:22:51and that's true
00:22:52he does
00:22:53because he's David Coulthard
00:22:54so
00:22:55are you ready for this
00:22:56I think so
00:22:57yeah
00:22:57I'm still trying to get my head
00:22:58around the
00:22:58concept
00:22:59the idea
00:23:00okay
00:23:00well the idea
00:23:01is very simple
00:23:01we are going to put
00:23:02paint balls
00:23:03into the air box
00:23:04they will then shoot
00:23:05out of the exhaust
00:23:06okay
00:23:07and into the canvas
00:23:08that I'll be holding
00:23:09behind the car
00:23:10so we'll sort of
00:23:10splatter the canvas
00:23:11using this car
00:23:12as our brush
00:23:13sounds beautiful
00:23:14apparently it's triggered
00:23:15to start firing them
00:23:16at 5000 RPM
00:23:17so you need to go to 5000
00:23:19could you do that
00:23:20I think I could probably
00:23:21manage that
00:23:21so if you want to hop in
00:23:22mate
00:23:23I'll go and stand
00:23:24behind the vehicle
00:23:25actually I might just
00:23:27I might just put some
00:23:28protection on my head
00:23:29I've done some weird
00:23:31things in my life
00:23:32but this is up there
00:23:33all right then David
00:23:34ready
00:23:35things were going badly
00:23:54for me but they were worse
00:23:56for Sir Henry May
00:23:57every day
00:24:10over 10,000 people
00:24:12go to the National Gallery
00:24:13to see the haywain
00:24:14but more will come
00:24:15and see this
00:24:16because it's got more
00:24:17of a social statement
00:24:19about it
00:24:20also because I'd
00:24:22substituted the haywain
00:24:23for a zonder
00:24:24it's poetry
00:24:26in pain
00:24:27plums now protected
00:24:31and using a stronger
00:24:32aluminium canvas
00:24:34Cawthard and I
00:24:35were in business
00:24:36plane of light
00:24:47just
00:24:48bouncing off here
00:24:49and then work it in
00:24:51work it in
00:24:52with the paintball
00:24:56painting finished
00:24:57I was now busy
00:24:58on another creation
00:24:59what I'm doing
00:25:01is spraying the car
00:25:03with a special paint
00:25:04that shows up best
00:25:07in ultraviolet light
00:25:08sorry
00:25:09sorry
00:25:09so when I've finished
00:25:12Mr Cawthard
00:25:13is going to take it
00:25:14for a spin
00:25:14round the track
00:25:15it will streak
00:25:16showing me where
00:25:18the air flow
00:25:18has gone
00:25:19sorry
00:25:20sorry again
00:25:21sorry mate
00:25:22with the car dripping
00:25:25wet
00:25:25David set off
00:25:26but unfortunately
00:25:31some of the paint
00:25:32had gone on his
00:25:33visor
00:25:34oh dear
00:25:37after wiping his helmet
00:25:43he's set off again
00:25:44to create some
00:25:45200 mile an hour art
00:25:47you sprayed my helmet
00:25:56you shot one of my testicles
00:25:58oh I see that helmet
00:25:59that was
00:26:00I admit a mistake
00:26:01but you should see
00:26:02what has been achieved here
00:26:03because when we put this
00:26:05under ultraviolet light
00:26:06can we edit the spin out
00:26:08yes we can edit that up
00:26:10you promise
00:26:10projects completed
00:26:13we reconvened
00:26:14at the secret base
00:26:15where our exhibits
00:26:17were to be assessed
00:26:18by Rupert Mass
00:26:19an art dealer
00:26:20from the antiques roadshow
00:26:21it was a lot better than this
00:26:24I have to be honest
00:26:25the problem was
00:26:25it didn't dry
00:26:27it's sort of still happening
00:26:28isn't it
00:26:28yes
00:26:28it's actually
00:26:29it's performance art
00:26:30because it has streaked
00:26:32in a living way
00:26:34years
00:26:36it fell off the easel
00:26:39I mean it really is
00:26:40nature
00:26:41and the automotive world
00:26:43absolutely crashing together
00:26:45it's very good
00:26:45when will nature finish
00:26:46quite
00:26:47I have to say
00:26:48I think it's probably
00:26:49more compost than art
00:26:50but thank you
00:26:51annoyingly
00:26:54Rupert seemed to be
00:26:55quite interested
00:26:56in James May's
00:26:57big face
00:26:58yes it's called
00:26:59acceleration face
00:27:01number one
00:27:02I mean I was inspired
00:27:03to some extent
00:27:04by de Blair writer
00:27:05and some of the works
00:27:07of that era
00:27:07African masks
00:27:08exactly
00:27:09the African mask
00:27:11has had an influence
00:27:12on it
00:27:12it's very angular
00:27:13it's quite simplistic
00:27:14it's quite primitive
00:27:15has it been on fire
00:27:16no
00:27:17your opinion sir
00:27:19what does the expert think
00:27:20well let's have a look
00:27:21at it in the round
00:27:22you know
00:27:22quite like the welding
00:27:23the welding's kind of
00:27:24we can repair this James
00:27:31that's better
00:27:33wow
00:27:34do you see
00:27:36the Mona Lisa
00:27:38of the scrap heap
00:27:39the rest of the visit
00:27:42wasn't any better
00:27:44there's anything here
00:27:45that catches your eye
00:27:46no
00:27:47does that one work
00:27:48no
00:27:49is this no good
00:27:50no
00:27:51does it work on
00:27:52any level for you
00:27:53no
00:27:53does it have
00:27:54artistic merit
00:27:55no
00:27:56so all of this
00:27:57is terrible
00:27:58well frankly
00:28:00yes
00:28:00well thank you very much
00:28:01for coming along
00:28:02thank you
00:28:02I value your opinion
00:28:03I won't necessarily
00:28:05pay any attention to it
00:28:07good
00:28:07but none of us will
00:28:08but thank you very much
00:28:09for coming Rupert
00:28:09pleasure
00:28:10feeling a bit disheartened
00:28:13we decided to try
00:28:14and create our own
00:28:15BMW art car
00:28:17we need to agree
00:28:19on a light source
00:28:19and a viewpoint
00:28:20our genius plan
00:28:23was to paint
00:28:23the inside of the car
00:28:24on the outside
00:28:26with James taking
00:28:27the bonnet
00:28:27me the side
00:28:29and Jeremy
00:28:30the boot
00:28:30can you tell
00:28:32what it is yet
00:28:32Jeremy though
00:28:34didn't quite get
00:28:35the idea
00:28:36right red
00:28:37for the blood
00:28:38er
00:28:39mate
00:28:40what
00:28:42but it's supposed
00:28:45to be what's
00:28:45inside the car
00:28:46how do you know
00:28:47there isn't
00:28:48a horse's head
00:28:48in the boot
00:28:49for our final creation
00:28:52we had to cut
00:28:54a car in half
00:28:55which meant
00:28:55using a dangerous
00:28:56plasma cutter
00:28:57that meant
00:28:58we had to take
00:28:59precautions
00:29:00I could help
00:29:03you can't do this
00:29:04with a hammer
00:29:04that's exactly
00:29:05why you take
00:29:05to a chair
00:29:06this is like
00:29:07a scene
00:29:08out of reservoir
00:29:08dogs
00:29:09don't give us
00:29:10ideas
00:29:10guys
00:29:13what
00:29:14where did you
00:29:15find that car
00:29:16well it was just
00:29:17outside with all
00:29:17the rest of them
00:29:18for this
00:29:18because it says
00:29:20here
00:29:20RJ04RWZ
00:29:22it's a rental car
00:29:24thank you very much
00:29:30now
00:29:30we'll see how that
00:29:32pans out later on
00:29:34but now it's time
00:29:35to put a star
00:29:36in our reasonably
00:29:37priced car
00:29:38now my guest
00:29:40tonight
00:29:40won the 2009
00:29:42Formula One
00:29:43World Drivers
00:29:44Championship
00:29:45he won the 2009
00:29:47World Constructors
00:29:49Championship
00:29:49for Braun
00:29:50and when he was
00:29:52pipped to the BBC's
00:29:54Sports Personality of the Year
00:29:55award last weekend
00:29:56by Ryan Giggs
00:29:58he won the 2009
00:29:59trophy for the best
00:30:01forced smile
00:30:02let's see if he's still
00:30:05gritting his teeth
00:30:06ladies and gentlemen
00:30:07Jenson Button
00:30:08thank you
00:30:12thank you
00:30:15thank you
00:30:17well done
00:30:18thank you
00:30:18Jenson Button
00:30:19Formula One World Champion
00:30:21have a seat
00:30:26have a seat
00:30:28okay that's the
00:30:32that's the
00:30:33congratulations
00:30:34over now
00:30:34the commiserations
00:30:35because of course
00:30:36this time last week
00:30:38did you see
00:30:39anyone see
00:30:40Sports Personality of the Year
00:30:41yes
00:30:42yes
00:30:43I mean
00:30:45let's be honest
00:30:46Ryan Giggs
00:30:47he's 73
00:30:48and he can still
00:30:50kick a football
00:30:51I think you do
00:30:52need an award
00:30:53for this actually
00:30:53we have actually
00:30:54got a clip
00:30:54of the moment
00:30:55you want to look
00:30:56away
00:30:57everyone else
00:30:57can see this
00:30:58here we go
00:30:59this is the moment
00:31:00well that is a shock
00:31:02that is a big shock
00:31:03yeah
00:31:07that is
00:31:08that is a great
00:31:10that's a rictus grin
00:31:12that is
00:31:12I could be an actor
00:31:14with that
00:31:15no
00:31:15no
00:31:16you couldn't
00:31:17you really couldn't
00:31:18because what I loved
00:31:19was when he said
00:31:20I haven't got a speech
00:31:20ready
00:31:21I thought no
00:31:21but the man behind
00:31:22you has
00:31:22so anyway
00:31:24I just want to know
00:31:25because I'm sure
00:31:25loads of people
00:31:26would be interested
00:31:27it was actually
00:31:27this time last year
00:31:28there you were
00:31:29gearing up
00:31:29for a new season
00:31:30you'd got Ross Brawn
00:31:32on board
00:31:32who's obviously
00:31:33a genius designer
00:31:34and then the call
00:31:35comes through
00:31:36from Honda
00:31:36that they're pulling
00:31:37out the sport
00:31:38how did that feel
00:31:39I mean
00:31:39it was
00:31:40it was difficult
00:31:41and I just got back
00:31:42from I was in
00:31:43Lanzarote doing
00:31:44some fitness training
00:31:44and so I was all
00:31:45ready for the new season
00:31:47I arrived at Gatwick
00:31:48and I got a message
00:31:49from my manager
00:31:49saying
00:31:50it's over
00:31:52Honda are pulling
00:31:53out of the sport
00:31:54and that was a really
00:31:55difficult thing
00:31:56to take in
00:31:57because you know
00:31:58it was a
00:31:58we were going to be
00:32:00racing in 2009
00:32:01we were going to have
00:32:01a competitive car
00:32:02possibility of winning
00:32:03races
00:32:03there was a lot of work
00:32:04that went into that car
00:32:05and it would have been
00:32:07an absolute tragedy
00:32:08if it wasn't on the grid
00:32:09so all I could do
00:32:11was stay focused
00:32:12and try and help
00:32:13the team as much
00:32:14as I could
00:32:14and that's what we did
00:32:15we got through
00:32:16the difficult winter
00:32:17and we produced
00:32:18and this is when Ross
00:32:19was able to buy
00:32:19what was remained
00:32:20of the Honda T
00:32:21yes
00:32:22you came here last time
00:32:24having not won
00:32:25a race in Formula 1
00:32:26and you'd done about
00:32:26140 11
00:32:28and you said
00:32:29that you would
00:32:30cheerfully give up
00:32:31the Jets
00:32:32the Lifestyle
00:32:33the Monte Carlo
00:32:34for that first win
00:32:36but the thing is
00:32:37is that you damn
00:32:38nearly did give up
00:32:39all that lifestyle
00:32:40to go to Braun
00:32:41didn't you
00:32:41I mean how big
00:32:43a sort of cut
00:32:44was it in terms
00:32:45of everything
00:32:46you know
00:32:48there were 700 odd
00:32:48people working
00:32:49at the factory
00:32:49and they had to
00:32:51scale down the team
00:32:52so obviously
00:32:52there were some
00:32:53redundancies
00:32:54which was
00:32:55which was tough
00:32:55even for the people
00:32:56that stayed
00:32:57but we all
00:32:59we all gave as much
00:33:00as we could
00:33:00and we all
00:33:01tried to help
00:33:01as much as we can
00:33:02I suppose it would
00:33:03be impossible to say
00:33:04no I want
00:33:04a million dollars a year
00:33:05when people are
00:33:06being made redundant
00:33:07because you did
00:33:07you went to 20%
00:33:08of your salary
00:33:09or something
00:33:09was that
00:33:10can't remember
00:33:10the figure
00:33:11at the moment
00:33:12but you know
00:33:13don't feel sorry
00:33:14for me
00:33:15I know
00:33:15but that first test
00:33:18that you did
00:33:19in what would
00:33:20become the Braun car
00:33:21were you surprised
00:33:23how fast it was
00:33:25I knew that we were
00:33:28we had built a good car
00:33:29because all the numbers
00:33:30said so in the wind tunnel
00:33:31but until you actually
00:33:31drive it
00:33:32yeah you don't know
00:33:33100%
00:33:33but we bolted in
00:33:35the Mercedes Benz
00:33:36engine in the back
00:33:36because obviously
00:33:37it wasn't made
00:33:38for that engine
00:33:38so we had to
00:33:39sort of trim
00:33:40the chassis down
00:33:41and make sure
00:33:42the gearbox fitted
00:33:43just about fitted
00:33:45with some spaces
00:33:46and what have you
00:33:47went out
00:33:48and tested it
00:33:49at Barcelona
00:33:50and after five laps
00:33:51I really felt
00:33:51comfortable in the car
00:33:52and I came in
00:33:53and said guys
00:33:53you know
00:33:53this is alright
00:33:55this is a good baseline
00:33:56even though it was
00:33:57a last minute box job
00:33:58to get the Mercedes engine
00:33:59yeah this feels
00:34:00pretty nice
00:34:00and my engineer
00:34:01came up to me
00:34:01and said
00:34:01Jensen
00:34:02you are 7 tenths
00:34:03quicker than anyone
00:34:04and they've been
00:34:04testing for three months
00:34:067 tenths
00:34:077 tenths
00:34:08which is a lot of time
00:34:09that's three years
00:34:10it's massive
00:34:11oh yeah
00:34:11and then every race
00:34:13people were putting
00:34:14on big packages
00:34:15and for us to try
00:34:16and keep the advantage
00:34:18was impossible
00:34:18so yeah
00:34:19it's been a very tricky season
00:34:21leading the championship
00:34:21from start to finish
00:34:22sounds easy
00:34:23but it's not
00:34:25it's really really hard
00:34:26and then
00:34:27because I have to say
00:34:28I mean Brazil
00:34:29I don't know if anybody
00:34:30was watching in Brazil
00:34:31which was the penultimate race
00:34:33you had to come fourth
00:34:34and then you were
00:34:35definitely world champion
00:34:36irrespective of
00:34:36whatever else did
00:34:38let's just have a look
00:34:39at these clips
00:34:40of you in that race
00:34:42needing to come fourth
00:34:43so that's big John
00:34:46isn't it
00:34:46Grosjean
00:34:47Grosjean
00:34:48can he do it
00:34:49another stunning piece
00:34:51of driving
00:34:52under pressure
00:34:53from Buckton
00:34:53thank you Martin
00:34:54thank you Martin
00:34:55and look at that again
00:34:56that's round the outside
00:34:57wonderful move by Buckton
00:34:59he squeezed him there
00:35:00we were almost doing
00:35:00200 miles an hour
00:35:01you can't really see it
00:35:02from the camera
00:35:02but um
00:35:03Jesus that's so close
00:35:06he's got the place
00:35:06Jensen Button through
00:35:08I have to say
00:35:09it's been impressive
00:35:10so this is now
00:35:11Bwemi
00:35:12or whatever his name is
00:35:13isn't he
00:35:13in the Red Bull
00:35:14and that was
00:35:14last of the late breakers
00:35:16wasn't it
00:35:16take that
00:35:18and with those
00:35:19great drive
00:35:23I mean that was
00:35:23the drive of a champion
00:35:24that was
00:35:25when it kicks out
00:35:27when I'm driving a car
00:35:30and it kicks out like that
00:35:31I poo myself
00:35:32this might sound really silly
00:35:36and think I'm a bit of a nodal
00:35:37but I did actually do that
00:35:39on purpose a little bit
00:35:40because
00:35:41what kicked the tail out
00:35:42because I had to make sure
00:35:43that I could get to turn two first
00:35:45and one of the only ways
00:35:46of doing it
00:35:47is a little bit of oversteer
00:35:48makes the guy a little bit nervous
00:35:49that you're getting close
00:35:50um
00:35:51and that is what happened
00:35:52and the great thing is
00:35:53he backed out of it
00:35:54so
00:35:54sorry I just need to get
00:35:56this is
00:35:56this is very peculiar
00:35:58so you have the world championship
00:36:00riding on your not
00:36:02you having to finish the race
00:36:03obviously to get the world championship
00:36:04and you kick the arse of the car out
00:36:07on purpose
00:36:08to unnerve
00:36:10whoever he is
00:36:11well it's giving him less room
00:36:12he's got no room to
00:36:13to get down to turn two on the inside
00:36:15so
00:36:15yes but what if you'd
00:36:16cocked it up
00:36:18you know for me
00:36:20to win the world championship
00:36:21before the last race
00:36:23was a must
00:36:24oh yeah
00:36:24you know I really wanted to get it done before
00:36:26so I had to take the risks
00:36:27um
00:36:28now obviously
00:36:29I mean we are obviously looking forward
00:36:30to you versus Lewis
00:36:31are you going to be able to beat him
00:36:33that's the aim
00:36:34I wouldn't be doing it if not
00:36:35that's going to be
00:36:36I think it's going to be a fascinating battle
00:36:37you know this is a massive buzz for me
00:36:39this is so exciting
00:36:40and I've been
00:36:41I've been in F1 for 10 years
00:36:42and having the chance to race
00:36:44um
00:36:45alongside Lewis at McLaren
00:36:47it's something I'm really excited about
00:36:49um
00:36:50can you just talk about your road cars
00:36:51yes
00:36:52have you not got a Veyron
00:36:53uh
00:36:55yes
00:36:55I have
00:36:56can I just ask
00:36:57what's the fastest
00:36:58what's the fastest you've driven it
00:36:59um
00:37:0070 times
00:37:01it's 10%
00:37:0277
00:37:03it's actually been here
00:37:12do you believe him
00:37:12has it
00:37:13I sneaked in one day
00:37:14and I unlocked the uh
00:37:15the bars
00:37:15and drove around your circuit
00:37:16and I had a bit of a practice
00:37:18was it any good here
00:37:19it was alright
00:37:21except for
00:37:21you had um
00:37:22no I can't actually say what I was going to say
00:37:24because I want to sell it
00:37:25so anyway obviously you came here into Aliana
00:37:32I tell you what
00:37:33I had to change my driving style here
00:37:36really
00:37:37um
00:37:37I think it was the snow
00:37:39possibly
00:37:40you say that
00:37:41you are such a fusspot
00:37:43no no seriously
00:37:44listen
00:37:44no you can't
00:37:45no you've got to listen to me
00:37:46I'm a guest
00:37:47go on because it'll just be a racing driver expense
00:37:52no no this is an excuse
00:37:53but I jumped in
00:37:53and I sat there revving the engine
00:37:55with a heater on
00:37:56thinking
00:37:57I'm so nervous
00:37:58you know
00:37:59this thing
00:37:59you know
00:38:00is is is an amazing bit of care
00:38:02I've learnt so much coming here
00:38:03I'm really going to take it into the 2010 season
00:38:06amazing
00:38:07who would like to see
00:38:10Jensen's lap
00:38:11there you go
00:38:13it's obviously
00:38:14the old Liana
00:38:15and there it is
00:38:17I haven't seen that for ages
00:38:18how wet it is
00:38:19it's damp
00:38:20think like this is for the world championship
00:38:23come on JP
00:38:24it's more important than the formula one world championship
00:38:26look it is
00:38:27it's greasy
00:38:28in it
00:38:29in F1
00:38:30if it's wet
00:38:30the tyres work
00:38:32if it's greasy
00:38:32you just slide
00:38:33it's superb
00:38:34you're holding on nicely through there
00:38:36a little bit slippery out here
00:38:38which is interesting
00:38:40that first turn
00:38:40yes
00:38:41first
00:38:41yes
00:38:42I'm impressed
00:38:42no power understeer
00:38:44first turn you took the wide line in
00:38:46a little bit wild JB
00:38:47come on
00:38:49at least I'm not singing
00:38:50you're not singing
00:38:51and Lewis has a different line in that first corner
00:38:53and he's adamant about it
00:38:55there you go
00:38:56you see
00:38:57now
00:38:57that's tidy
00:38:59I tell you what
00:39:01I'm more scared driving this than I have a Formula One car
00:39:04yeah I was
00:39:05this bit here is scary
00:39:07yeah it is
00:39:07well if you go on the red lights
00:39:08that's quite slippery
00:39:09I think they should put this on the F1 calendar
00:39:11it's a place for rocks
00:39:13oh that was nice and close to the tyres
00:39:17made them move
00:39:17second to last corner here
00:39:19let's have a look
00:39:19yes
00:39:20that's got the back out of it
00:39:22yeah it's fun eh
00:39:23beauty
00:39:24come on
00:39:26Ace Gambon
00:39:26got the back out again
00:39:27and there we are
00:39:28across the line
00:39:29I've got that look
00:39:30a bit of gender
00:39:31so
00:39:32aha
00:39:34so here we go
00:39:40Jensen
00:39:40button
00:39:42hmm
00:39:44see that I didn't even lead forward
00:39:47you will
00:39:48so no really
00:39:51where do you run
00:39:52it felt good
00:39:53very very slippery
00:39:55but I could slide the car through the corners
00:39:56it was
00:39:57it was
00:39:57it was fun
00:39:58I don't think I'm quicker than I was before
00:40:00because it was dry
00:40:01how would I be
00:40:02well
00:40:03Lewis was here
00:40:04in exactly the same car
00:40:05in exactly the same conditions
00:40:07they really were exactly the same
00:40:08I'm a better driver than I was then
00:40:09you did it
00:40:12these are 1.44.7
00:40:14you did it
00:40:15in
00:40:151
00:40:1640
00:40:184
00:40:209
00:40:23oh
00:40:24you did it
00:40:25you just missed out on him
00:40:27but give him a huge one
00:40:28oh wait a minute
00:40:30I'll give you the wet
00:40:31look at that
00:40:34point 2
00:40:36do you know what it was
00:40:38honestly it was that showboating
00:40:39in the last two corners
00:40:40yeah
00:40:41I'll tell you it was fun though
00:40:41that little thing is so fun
00:40:43it is
00:40:43yeah
00:40:44you should try the more powerful
00:40:45Chevrolet La Settey
00:40:47well they wouldn't let me ever go in that one
00:40:48no because that's the Formula 1 car
00:40:50anyway
00:40:51ladies and gentlemen
00:40:52I give you
00:40:54our world champion
00:40:55Jensen Button
00:40:56and actually
00:41:00your face
00:41:03will be back in a minute
00:41:05because what we're going to do now
00:41:06is pick up
00:41:07our art gallery film
00:41:08James and I arrived by aeroplane
00:41:14fresh from the south
00:41:15where do Geordies actually come from
00:41:18Geordies are from
00:41:19well the northeast
00:41:21maybe they're all Geordies
00:41:22but then there's
00:41:22are the Foggies over
00:41:23there's the Foggies and the Muggies
00:41:25and the Monkey Hangers
00:41:26I don't know where they are
00:41:26but they're all types of Geordie
00:41:28well I think so
00:41:29or are they
00:41:30maybe they're different
00:41:31they all say YI
00:41:32so they must all be Geordies
00:41:33as our BMW art car was so valuable
00:41:38I decided to drive it to the exhibition myself
00:41:41what I have here is a 3.5 litre straight six painting
00:41:48it is art that moves you
00:41:51quite literally
00:41:52moves you
00:41:54at the Middlesbrough Institute of Modern Art
00:42:00Captain's sense of direction
00:42:02had decided to make an audio guide
00:42:04that would steer visitors around the exhibits
00:42:07if you turn through almost 180 degrees to your left
00:42:11or even to your right in fact
00:42:13because it of course makes no difference whatsoever
00:42:15and walk straight ahead towards the wall
00:42:17and rotating to your right
00:42:19not quite through 180 degrees
00:42:21but probably about 155
00:42:23I meanwhile was on the road
00:42:27touring the local radio stations
00:42:29in a bid to drum up some support for our show
00:42:31oh this is fantastic
00:42:33I've got a van
00:42:35I've got a list of phone numbers
00:42:37and I've got a mission
00:42:38I'm a PR agent
00:42:39and then walking through the white door
00:42:45we arrive at the upstairs gallery
00:42:48actually that's not quite right
00:42:50you need to come out and turn left
00:42:52or turn right if you haven't actually gone through the white door
00:42:55through the glass door
00:42:56which you push
00:42:56which you are then in the upstairs gallery
00:42:59the first stop on my publicity tour was Radio Tees
00:43:04who cares about the weather because it's the weekend
00:43:07who cares when Top Gear is in town
00:43:10and Richard Flippin' Hammond is with us
00:43:13here comes the publicity
00:43:16welcome to Teeside
00:43:19you of course used to work here and everything like that many many years ago
00:43:24why are you here?
00:43:25it's great to be here
00:43:27I did used to work here apparently
00:43:29I worked in a lot of radio stations for not very long
00:43:32what are you doing?
00:43:33it's not always the best of reasons
00:43:34so yes I worked here
00:43:36talk about the exhibition
00:43:37and I have fond memories of working here
00:43:40nobody's interested in your bloody memories
00:43:43because I started in Radio York in 1989
00:43:48oh for crying out loud
00:43:51for the rest of the interview
00:43:53Hammond brilliantly publicised himself
00:43:56I've just tried and started something called Blastab
00:43:58a kid science show
00:43:59oh for god's sake this is ridiculous
00:44:02to make matters worse in the gallery
00:44:06May was busy ignoring our instructions
00:44:08to make the audio guide interesting
00:44:1010 as it was codenamed during development
00:44:12rejecting the complicated hydrogas suspension of its forebear
00:44:16the Allegro
00:44:17in favour of a straightforward steel sprung chassis
00:44:20with a torsion beam rear axle
00:44:21unashamedly derived from a design already used to great effect
00:44:25hello
00:44:27yeah I'm doing it
00:44:31I've just
00:44:33yes I know it's got to be done by half three
00:44:35but I can't do it because people keep ringing me up
00:44:37and asking me if I've done it yet
00:44:38as I bore down on Middlesbrough
00:44:43Hammond's publicity tour was going from bad to worse
00:44:46yes I did
00:44:48I started in 1989 at Radio York
00:44:51yeah absolutely
00:44:53I think Total Wiper has been a tremendous success
00:44:57I'm going to have a heart attack
00:44:59there's a moment when people have to climb a platform
00:45:01and in front of them are four massive red inflatable balls
00:45:04and they have to check
00:45:04Total Wiper is just idiots flying over
00:45:07good people of Hartlepool
00:45:20Hammond is in town with his PR machine
00:45:25at Mima the other idiot
00:45:28was in the gallery of motor racing
00:45:30a subject about which he knows nothing
00:45:33some pictures of racing cars going around corners
00:45:36hopefully these cardboard boxes won't be here
00:45:38by the time you arrive
00:45:39there's a man on fire
00:45:41there's a car going along
00:45:44and then I had a problem
00:45:47I was coming around the corner
00:45:50doing about 27 miles an hour
00:45:52and a cow was there
00:45:54and I just had nowhere to go
00:45:56because of this
00:45:56I tell you there was a school bus
00:45:58well it was a bus full of children
00:45:59handicapped children
00:46:01and I saw some ginger ones on it
00:46:03so I just
00:46:04I thought well I'll have to miss that
00:46:06so I'll put it in the ditch rather than into the children
00:46:09that story didn't wash
00:46:12take a deep breath sir
00:46:14sit around the tube
00:46:15cancel stream of breath
00:46:16keep going
00:46:17keep going
00:46:17the good news was I scored zero
00:46:20the bad news came when the car was towed out of the ditch
00:46:24that's not too
00:46:26it is quite bad
00:46:27oh god
00:46:28and my attempts to mask the damage with teacut
00:46:31just made everything worse
00:46:33this was an important exhibit for us this car
00:46:44I'm casting around in my head for someone to blame
00:46:48and it's just me keeps coming back at me
00:46:51so when we met up
00:46:53I decided to do the honourable thing
00:46:55and go on the attack
00:46:57did you hear what he did on the laugh
00:46:59yes I did hear what you did on the radio
00:47:01I've been working my back
00:47:02you have done one interview
00:47:04and you talked about blast lab
00:47:05he didn't ask the right questions
00:47:07I told you
00:47:08I know more about PR than you
00:47:10I was on top of it
00:47:11none of this detracts from the fact
00:47:13and I can read it in your face
00:47:15that you've been an idiot
00:47:16and you have ruined the whole event
00:47:19by the way
00:47:19thanks for asking
00:47:21I'm fine
00:47:22we don't care
00:47:23evidently
00:47:24no it's not bad
00:47:25as the exhibition was due to open
00:47:27in the following morning
00:47:28we agreed to stop bickering
00:47:29and get to work
00:47:30what is interesting
00:47:31James went off to rouse the troops
00:47:33and Richard relaunched his PR campaign
00:47:37my work is complete
00:47:40one mobile billboard
00:47:41but better still
00:47:42just don't really give the message
00:47:44what I've done
00:47:45is actually put one of the exhibits
00:47:47from the gallery
00:47:47on the move
00:47:48lit
00:47:49and everything
00:47:49so people can see it
00:47:50I'll leave the door open
00:47:51as I'm driving around
00:47:52that
00:47:54is PR
00:47:55meanwhile I was with Stephen Wiltshire
00:47:58the artist famous for creating
00:48:00incredibly detailed drawings
00:48:02from memory
00:48:03so which bit of New York
00:48:05do you think you're going to put
00:48:06behind the car
00:48:07I'm going to put
00:48:08from
00:48:10I'm going to put
00:48:11the Brooklyn Bridge
00:48:12Brooklyn Bridge
00:48:14okay
00:48:14out on the streets
00:48:17the PR machine
00:48:18had adopted a more
00:48:19personal approach
00:48:20people of Middlesbrough
00:48:24tomorrow morning
00:48:25is your opportunity
00:48:26to soak up some art
00:48:27madam
00:48:28in the black tracksuit
00:48:29sir
00:48:30in the white tracksuit top
00:48:31you could visit
00:48:32Mima
00:48:32you young man
00:48:33in the grey tracksuit trousers
00:48:34you sir
00:48:35in the blue tracksuit top
00:48:36tomorrow morning
00:48:379 o'clock
00:48:38at Mima
00:48:39art is for the masses
00:48:40art is for you sir
00:48:42in black tracksuit trousers
00:48:44and you young man
00:48:45in the blue tracksuit trousers
00:48:46there is a festival of art
00:48:48available for you
00:48:49back at the gallery
00:48:53it was all go
00:48:54each of us had chosen
00:48:56what he thought
00:48:57was the best looking car
00:48:58of all time
00:48:59and Jeremy and I
00:49:00were busy installing them
00:49:01Richard had gone
00:49:03for his own
00:49:04series one Land Rover
00:49:05Jeremy for a Ferrari
00:49:07275 GTS
00:49:09no it is absolutely
00:49:10terrific
00:49:11I bet if you turn the radio on
00:49:12it'll just be
00:49:13the beginning of the
00:49:13Italian job
00:49:14that music
00:49:15and I'd gone for a
00:49:16Lamborghini Countach
00:49:18how long have you talked
00:49:19about the Lamborghini Countach
00:49:20for on the audio tape
00:49:21please tell me
00:49:22it's no more than
00:49:22two seconds
00:49:23a few minutes
00:49:25it's a very important car
00:49:28so this idea
00:49:29that these
00:49:30seriously James
00:49:31yes but you're only
00:49:32thinking in terms of
00:49:32numbers of people
00:49:33coming through
00:49:33yes that's the goal
00:49:35yes but they have to
00:49:36come to a gallery
00:49:37and experience some art
00:49:38okay what's this James
00:49:39this is how I want
00:49:41to see the people
00:49:41of Middlesbrough
00:49:42okay
00:49:43on your left
00:49:47there's a Lamborghini
00:49:48Countach
00:49:48that's a Ferrari
00:49:49275 GTS
00:49:50and there's a Land Rover
00:49:51in here
00:49:52we've actually got
00:49:53our hot car
00:49:54that's the speed
00:49:55I want them
00:49:56to be doing
00:49:57if they saunter
00:49:58they're standing there
00:50:00to look at the wire
00:50:01wheels
00:50:01look at the seat
00:50:02the log jam
00:50:04there was however
00:50:06a more immediate problem
00:50:07oh hang on a minute
00:50:09hang on
00:50:10is it too wide
00:50:13well yeah
00:50:14can't it just be there
00:50:16well not really
00:50:17eventually the Countach
00:50:19was brought in
00:50:20on a special giant thing
00:50:22and with that done
00:50:23we went to check
00:50:24on Stephen
00:50:25so that's four hours
00:50:28and it's gone
00:50:29from a blank piece
00:50:30of paper to that
00:50:31James
00:50:31in four hours
00:50:32that's extremely good
00:50:33how many times
00:50:34have you been
00:50:35to this place
00:50:35twice in Brooklyn Heights
00:50:38so you remember
00:50:39the detail
00:50:40on this bridge
00:50:41just from standing here
00:50:42two times
00:50:43yeah
00:50:44that car is astonishing
00:50:46I think I was
00:50:46I know
00:50:48you're pedantic
00:50:49on these things
00:50:50it really occurs
00:50:52spot on
00:50:53darkness fell
00:50:58but still
00:50:59Hammond's PR onslaught
00:51:01rumbled on
00:51:02the Mima gallery
00:51:03full of things
00:51:04that people want
00:51:04to go and see
00:51:05so obviously
00:51:05if it's automotive themed
00:51:07and long into the night
00:51:08James and I
00:51:09were arguing
00:51:09about where
00:51:10the art car
00:51:11should go
00:51:12so what
00:51:12you want to position it
00:51:13to draw people's attention
00:51:15to the bit you crashed
00:51:16well
00:51:16yes
00:51:18no
00:51:19disagree
00:51:19okay
00:51:20it needs to be
00:51:21leave it like that
00:51:22please go
00:51:23and get on with
00:51:23your next job
00:51:24I'm very happy
00:51:25leave it there
00:51:26show day
00:51:39and amazingly
00:51:40our exhibition
00:51:41was looking
00:51:42rather good
00:51:42we had installed
00:51:45many thought-provoking pieces
00:51:47including
00:51:48Stigworld
00:51:49a video installation
00:51:51where visitors
00:51:52could get a glimpse
00:51:53of what goes on
00:51:54inside his helmet
00:51:56we also had our
00:51:58ground-breaking masterpiece
00:51:59called
00:52:00what's Europe car
00:52:01going to say
00:52:01about this
00:52:02and obviously
00:52:03our BMW art car
00:52:05we knew
00:52:07that all this
00:52:08would bring in
00:52:09the multitudes
00:52:09and prove
00:52:10that motoring
00:52:11is the way forward
00:52:12for the nation's art galleries
00:52:14so we went onto the roof
00:52:15for our first glimpse
00:52:16of the queues
00:52:17look at the crowd
00:52:18from over here
00:52:19are you ready
00:52:19steady
00:52:20it was a disaster
00:52:30and the news
00:52:32from the outlying car parks
00:52:33was even worse
00:52:34it was like a scene
00:52:36from the Omega Man
00:52:37it's now 10 to 10
00:52:41as you can see
00:52:42we've been open
00:52:4250 minutes
00:52:43there's just
00:52:45no officially now
00:52:56the people looking
00:52:58after the exhibits
00:52:59outnumbering
00:53:00the number of people
00:53:00looking at it
00:53:01I carefully prepared
00:53:03personal lectures
00:53:04were a complete
00:53:05waste of time
00:53:06the artist has managed
00:53:07to avoid
00:53:08any kind of
00:53:09branding
00:53:10it's
00:53:11it's just
00:53:12simply pure
00:53:12to hit our targets
00:53:18we needed
00:53:18800 visitors an hour
00:53:20but it just
00:53:20wasn't happening
00:53:21just doing a rough
00:53:23head count here
00:53:24about
00:53:24that's a
00:53:26it's not a lot
00:53:2775 people
00:53:29by midday
00:53:32the numbers
00:53:32had picked up
00:53:33a bit
00:53:33but instead of
00:53:34following a
00:53:35prescribed route
00:53:36through the gallery
00:53:36everyone was all
00:53:37over the place
00:53:38thanks to James's
00:53:39useless audio guide
00:53:41and then walking
00:53:41through the white door
00:53:42before we arrive
00:53:43at the upstairs
00:53:44gallery
00:53:45actually that's
00:53:47not quite right
00:53:47into the next room
00:53:49the door of which
00:53:50should be open
00:53:51bloody Nora
00:53:53but I can't do it
00:53:57because people keep
00:53:58ringing me up
00:53:58and asking me
00:53:59if I've done it yet
00:54:00worse still
00:54:09Hammond had forgotten
00:54:10to do his homework
00:54:11on the exhibits
00:54:12that's a Ferrari
00:54:14275 GTS
00:54:15as you can see
00:54:16the lines
00:54:17it's
00:54:18it's lovely
00:54:19yeah
00:54:20nice and full look
00:54:24yes it's a lovely colour
00:54:26yes it is
00:54:26yes
00:54:27we called an emergency
00:54:28meeting
00:54:29okay
00:54:30right
00:54:31what are we doing
00:54:31what are we doing
00:54:32we're not very good at this
00:54:33can I just put it in
00:54:34it's going to work
00:54:35don't just relax
00:54:36what's going to work about it
00:54:37this is a catastrophe
00:54:38Jones
00:54:39it's not a catastrophe
00:54:40it's a catastrophe
00:54:41plainly Hammond's PR
00:54:44had been rubbish
00:54:45so to bring in the crowds
00:54:47we needed to find one
00:54:49and we did
00:54:50at half time
00:54:57we would make a hearts and minds appeal
00:54:59for the Middlesbrough fans
00:55:00to come to our show
00:55:01after the match
00:55:02sadly though
00:55:04we put Captain Geordie
00:55:05in charge of our outfits
00:55:07give us a minute
00:55:37people in the North East
00:55:41we apologise for that terrible mistake
00:55:45we are here to ask
00:55:47please
00:55:49we have light exhibition
00:55:52at the Mima Gallery
00:55:53and we need your support
00:55:55we have Ferraris
00:55:56Lamborghinis
00:55:57we have Richard Hammonds
00:56:00name over
00:56:00anything else no
00:56:04there's one thing
00:56:05you can't come
00:56:07the away fans
00:56:09responded with good grace
00:56:11you flat bastard
00:56:17amazingly though
00:56:23our plan worked
00:56:25in you come
00:56:26if you start
00:56:29shuffling through that way
00:56:30soon the place was packed
00:56:33which meant I could
00:56:34finally unveil
00:56:35our centrepiece
00:56:36without a doubt
00:56:37the highlight
00:56:38the highlight
00:56:39of the show so far
00:56:41how much do you have
00:56:45to hate somebody
00:56:46to sit down
00:56:48with a piece of cloth
00:56:49and then do that to him
00:56:50among the crowd
00:56:54was a learned art scholar
00:56:56who could see
00:56:56James' sculpture
00:56:57for what it was
00:56:58are you saying
00:56:59it's a bit crap
00:57:00yeah
00:57:00nothing to see
00:57:01nothing to see
00:57:02the crowds though
00:57:03meant we had a new problem
00:57:04with James' audio guide
00:57:06not only was it still
00:57:08getting everybody lost
00:57:09but as I'd feared
00:57:10it was also extremely
00:57:12long winded
00:57:13and latterly to 5.2 litres
00:57:15an expansion that was
00:57:16accompanied by the
00:57:17fitment of a new
00:57:18cylinder head
00:57:19hello
00:57:20this meant the visitors
00:57:22weren't moving through
00:57:23the gallery fast enough
00:57:24have you been listening
00:57:25to the audio guide
00:57:26how is it
00:57:28pretty boring
00:57:29with bottlenecks
00:57:31springing up everywhere
00:57:32there was no way
00:57:33we'd get the numbers
00:57:34through
00:57:35so I was forced
00:57:36to shorten
00:57:36my personal lectures
00:57:38a bit
00:57:39right everybody
00:57:40there's only one
00:57:41interesting thing
00:57:42in here
00:57:42and it's that
00:57:43painting there
00:57:44of the Bentley
00:57:44good you've seen it
00:57:45off we go
00:57:45there we are
00:57:47that's a BMW
00:57:47we've done it
00:57:48in here is a Formula 1 car
00:57:49with some paint on it
00:57:50lovely
00:57:50right out
00:57:52out
00:57:52to
00:57:53down
00:57:54off you go
00:57:54James however
00:57:56simply didn't get
00:57:57the idea of this
00:57:58at all
00:57:59does a cat
00:58:00know it's a cat
00:58:01does a dog
00:58:02know when it's old
00:58:03what does he
00:58:04actually know
00:58:05what are you doing
00:58:07with him up there
00:58:08well
00:58:09I'll tell you
00:58:10exactly what's
00:58:10happening
00:58:10everybody's getting
00:58:12into a room
00:58:12where James May
00:58:13is talking
00:58:14and they're stuck
00:58:15this called
00:58:17for drastic measures
00:58:18he's a stink
00:58:20so in machine terms
00:58:21he's extremely bright
00:58:22but he's inanimate
00:58:23does he have
00:58:24any feelings
00:58:25can we transfer
00:58:26our own feelings
00:58:27onto the crash
00:58:28test dummy
00:58:28sorry
00:58:30relevant
00:58:31Rodan's thinker
00:58:34is sort of naked
00:58:35oh
00:58:37the point of art
00:58:38is you have to
00:58:39interact with it
00:58:40you don't just
00:58:40look at it
00:58:40it's not
00:58:41sorry about that
00:58:48it's unfortunate
00:58:49but
00:58:50okay if you'd like
00:58:51to move to the
00:58:52exits now
00:58:53you don't have to
00:58:54look at it
00:58:54you don't have to
00:58:55you don't have to
00:58:55look at it
00:58:56you don't have to
00:58:56look at it
00:58:57you don't have to
00:58:58look at it
00:58:58you don't have to
00:58:58look at it
00:58:59soon the crowds
00:59:00were moving along
00:59:01at a fair old pace
00:59:02which meant there
00:59:03wasn't much more
00:59:04we could do
00:59:05we've got the best
00:59:07we've done the best
00:59:11PR that we can do
00:59:12oh yeah
00:59:12it's now time for us
00:59:15to bail out
00:59:16and let the numbers
00:59:18roll in
00:59:18and with that
00:59:20back to the studio
00:59:22I finally got to say
00:59:24that
00:59:24okay
00:59:30I have the figures
00:59:32here remember
00:59:32remember we had to
00:59:35beat 30,000
00:59:36yes
00:59:36and what we
00:59:37actually managed
00:59:38was
00:59:3915,000
00:59:41yes
00:59:41yes
00:59:42I don't know
00:59:4315
00:59:4415,000
00:59:47so
00:59:48half what we needed
00:59:50yeah we were
00:59:50halfway there
00:59:51but
00:59:52this is still
00:59:54an all-time record
00:59:57for the Meme
00:59:57gallery
00:59:58yeah
00:59:59it's so
01:00:00it's brilliant
01:00:00it's brilliant
01:00:01it's awesome
01:00:02it's awesome
01:00:02it's awesome
01:00:03yeah
01:00:04cars are the future
01:00:05of ours
01:00:05they are
01:00:06and that is a bombshell
01:00:07that is a bombshell
01:00:08and that means
01:00:09we can end
01:00:09now we're back
01:00:11on December the 27th
01:00:13with an elongated special
01:00:14in which we drive
01:00:16across South America
01:00:17that is quite something
01:00:19but until then
01:00:20have a very
01:00:21very happy Christmas
01:00:22take care
01:00:23goodnight
01:00:24and Top Gear continues
01:00:29next Sunday
01:00:30here on BBC HD
01:00:31now Oz and Hugh
01:00:33are drinking to Christmas
01:00:34over on BBC 2 now
01:00:36and here on BBC HD
01:00:37it's Christmas in Cranford
01:00:39next
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