- 2 days ago
In Episode 3, Jeremy Clarkson takes the incredible McLaren MP4-12C to the track to see if Britain’s new supercar can match its Ferrari rivals. Meanwhile, the team embarks on a Middle East road trip, driving luxury convertibles through the desert to test speed and comfort in extreme conditions. Guest Sebastian Vettel, F1 champion, sets a blistering lap in the Reasonably Priced Car.
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MotorTranscript
00:00:00Tonight, I talk to two old ladies, Richard makes a phone call, and James sniffs his own armpit.
00:00:30Good evening. Hello. Hello, everybody. Thank you so much. Thank you.
00:00:36Now, we start tonight with the big one, the all-new, all-British McLaren MP4-12C, and there are two questions.
00:00:48One, why have they named it after a fax machine? And two, how can it possibly be as good as a Ferrari 458?
00:01:00McLaren themselves admit that the 458 is a great car.
00:01:10But they say that scientifically and mathematically, they can prove that in every single measurable way, their new car is better.
00:01:30Well, certainly. At 168,000 pounds, it is a tiny bit...
00:01:49I was going to say cheaper, let's say less expensive than the Ferrari.
00:02:05It's also a tiny bit kinder to the environment, a tiny bit lighter, a tiny bit more economical.
00:02:11It's also quite a lot more powerful.
00:02:25The Ferrari has to make do with just 562 horsepower, whereas the twin-turbocharged 3.8-litre V8 in this churns out 592.
00:02:34The result is simple. 0-60 takes 3.1 seconds. The top speed is 205.
00:02:46And though it's close. The Ferrari cannot live with that. And it's a similar story when the going gets twisty.
00:02:53The Ferrari cannot live with that. And it's a similar story when the going gets twisty.
00:02:59I love that.
00:03:25I love that Ferrari, and it is as quick round here as an Enzo, but I think this is quicker
00:03:37still.
00:03:38Ferrari has been in the Formula One game longer than anybody, but McLaren amazingly has a
00:03:45higher hit rate.
00:03:46They've won one in every four Grand Prix they've ever entered, which shows they certainly know
00:03:52how to make a car go around a corner.
00:03:55Oh my God, they've worked their magic with this.
00:04:01Can you see Ferrari waggling its tail there?
00:04:07This isn't.
00:04:08This grips onto the road like a terrified toddler grips onto its mother's hand.
00:04:14So Lewis Hamilton, watch and learn this is how you pass a Ferrari.
00:04:20One of the reasons the McLaren is so fast is its traction control system.
00:04:27A system that really comes into its own in the rain.
00:04:35It lets you drive hard, but it won't let you kill yourself.
00:04:42And that is just the tip of a technological iceberg.
00:04:49There's a flap on the back which raises when you brake hard.
00:04:56So you can't see what's about to crash into the back of you.
00:05:02And then we get to the suspension.
00:05:03A computer has replaced the anti-roll bars so all four wheels are truly independent of
00:05:09one another.
00:05:10This gives you better cornering and, more importantly, a better road read.
00:05:17Over the years, we've seen the Stig cutting this corner, putting two wheels on the grass to get
00:05:24the best possible lap times.
00:05:28But if you ride a bump like that in the sort of hunkered-down, firmed-up cars that he drives,
00:05:35the jolt is horrific, it's like being dipped in liquid nitrogen and then hit with a hammer.
00:05:50You just sort of shatter.
00:06:05In the McLaren, though, it's a very different experience.
00:06:09Here we go.
00:06:10Two wheels off the track.
00:06:15Bit more of a jolt if you drove a Rolls-Royce over a Jaffa Cade.
00:06:20I've never driven a supercar that's even half as comfortable as this.
00:06:28Or as well-trimmed.
00:06:31It's all exquisite leather and stitching and beautiful graphics.
00:06:36It's simple, elegant, a truly lovely place to sit.
00:06:41So, yes, in every scientific and mathematical way, this is better than a Ferrari 458.
00:06:48It'll even do 30 miles to the gallon.
00:06:51But there's something missing.
00:06:53Something that can't be measured.
00:06:55Something you can't really put your finger on.
00:07:00There's no zing.
00:07:03This is the factory where the McLaren is made.
00:07:10It's like a laboratory.
00:07:12It's quiet, ordered.
00:07:14A magnesium and titanium Trappist world where perfection isn't quite good enough.
00:07:20It's very nice.
00:07:22But you can't imagine anyone here has ever put a whoopee cushion on the managing director's chair.
00:07:31You sense this lack of joy when you're behind the wheel.
00:07:35When you drive a Lamborghini, it's like you're operating a horse with some mustard stuck up its bottom.
00:07:42But when you drive this, it's like you're operating the sort of machine they use, I imagine, in ophthalmic surgery.
00:07:50We see the same problem with the way the McLaren looks.
00:07:58There's nothing wrong with it, but there's no art.
00:08:01You get the sense it was styled by software and shaped by science.
00:08:06Which it probably was.
00:08:08I'll give you another example.
00:08:11You can turn the traction control off, but it would be easier to launch the missiles from a nuclear submarine.
00:08:17You have to push that button and hold it down for 10 seconds.
00:08:21Then you push those two simultaneously.
00:08:23And I said to one of the engineers the other day, why does it have to be so complicated?
00:08:27And he said, well, why would you want to turn the traction control off?
00:08:30I said, well, it would be fun.
00:08:31And you could see him thinking, hmm, fun.
00:08:35I must look that up in a dictionary.
00:08:41The McLaren, then, is like a pair of tights.
00:08:44Very practical and very sensible.
00:08:50The Ferrari, though, that is a pair of stockings.
00:09:05What are you on about?
00:09:18Well, tights and stockings are designed to do exactly the same job.
00:09:24But they don't.
00:09:26I don't know.
00:09:27I only wear socks, Jeremy.
00:09:29Can we just move on from the hosiery chaps back to the car?
00:09:32Yeah.
00:09:33Is the ride really that good?
00:09:35Like a Rolls-Royce.
00:09:36Unbelievably smooth.
00:09:37And do you know why?
00:09:38Wasn't developed at the Nürburgring.
00:09:40Oh, God, he's off.
00:09:42True fact.
00:09:43True fact was developed actually at the Top Gear test track.
00:09:46This car was.
00:09:47So it should be able to set a blisteringly fast lap time.
00:09:51Now, of course, to find out, we have to give it to our tame racing driver.
00:09:54Some say that he refuses to acknowledge the existence of Nottinghamshire.
00:10:01And that he recently received a very strong email from his fiance's mother
00:10:06saying it's bad manners to sit at the dinner table in a helmet.
00:10:11All we know is he's called the Steg.
00:10:15And it's off.
00:10:16MP4-12C may sound like a fax machine,
00:10:20but this car is fast, no doubt about that.
00:10:24Double clutch gearbox shifting seamlessly.
00:10:27Going through the first corner.
00:10:29No dramas whatsoever.
00:10:35Steg listening to ABBA in Spanish.
00:10:37Very weird.
00:10:38Almost as weird as the way it takes Chicago.
00:10:41Strangely calm, that.
00:10:43Squirrelly under braking into Hammerhead.
00:10:44Now the meat of the corner.
00:10:46And it's regained its composure completely.
00:10:49McLaren.
00:10:50I've actually been fiddling with the car since I drove it.
00:10:53So the ones you buy will have a sharper throttle.
00:10:55And more noise.
00:10:59OK, follow through.
00:11:00A chance to really open up the twin turbo V8.
00:11:02How much is he going to clip the corner?
00:11:05A lot.
00:11:06But he won't have felt a thing.
00:11:08Just two corners to go now.
00:11:10Air brake helping out there.
00:11:11Tyres squealing.
00:11:13Only Gambon left.
00:11:15Millimetrically perfect.
00:11:16And here he is across the line.
00:11:22Now.
00:11:24OK.
00:11:28Here is the Ferrari 458 119.
00:11:31The Ferrari Enzo 119.
00:11:34The MP4-12C 116.2.
00:11:39It is the second fastest car we've ever had here.
00:11:43And here.
00:11:45Wow.
00:11:46That's amazing.
00:11:48Right.
00:11:49Now.
00:11:50We must move on because it is time for the news.
00:11:52And we start with news of an event coming up.
00:11:55The Chumley Pageant of Power.
00:11:58The what?
00:11:59Chumley Pageant of Power.
00:12:00Oh, well that's excellent.
00:12:01We're the world's biggest motoring show, everybody.
00:12:03And we begin the news with an item about a village fate.
00:12:05No.
00:12:07It's like a northern Goodwood Festival of Speed.
00:12:09So a Goodwood with pies and gravy.
00:12:12No.
00:12:13Anyway, the point is, there's going to be a car out there I wanted to show you.
00:12:16It's this.
00:12:17It's called the Brutus.
00:12:20Yeah, it's magnificent.
00:12:21Basically, it's a 1908, I think it is, BMW chassis.
00:12:25Made in the 1920s and it's got a 46-litre 12-cylinder aeroplane.
00:12:2946-litre?
00:12:3046-litre 12-cylinders.
00:12:31I've got a shot of the engine.
00:12:32Here's the actual engine out of it.
00:12:33Look at that!
00:12:34Holy cow!
00:12:35It's like a Turner painting with steam, speed and fire.
00:12:39It's magnificent.
00:12:40I'm going to send that to Greenpeace so they can hang it up in their foyer.
00:12:43Yeah.
00:12:44They love it, actually, because it does 0.18 miles to the gallon.
00:12:48Yeah.
00:12:49You're kidding.
00:12:50I mean, I love the engine, but what fascinates me about old cars like this is why people feel compelled to get into period costume before driving them.
00:12:57I mean, you live in a 1970s house, do you feel the need to wear a shirt from the 90s?
00:13:02Yes, he does.
00:13:05He does, actually, yes.
00:13:06He is.
00:13:07Anyway, we have more news.
00:13:08A few weeks ago, I held a small birthday party for the E-type Jaguar.
00:13:12Yes, I recall, it was subtle.
00:13:13Somebody else is having one at Silverstone the weekend of July the 22nd, and they say a thousand E-types will be there.
00:13:22I think what they mean is a thousand E-types will attempt to be there.
00:13:25Yeah.
00:13:26On that particular day, a thousand E-types will try and start.
00:13:29Yeah.
00:13:30Some E-types will be there.
00:13:32Maybe.
00:13:33Why will they be there, though, really?
00:13:34I've never understood that.
00:13:35So you drive hundreds of miles in your car to look at some cars that are exactly the same as the car that you just drove there in.
00:13:41Well, is there anyone here from a car owner's club?
00:13:45You are?
00:13:46And this is which club?
00:13:48Marlin.
00:13:49The what?
00:13:50Marlin.
00:13:51Marlin.
00:13:52That's a fish.
00:13:53It's a very lonely...
00:13:54No, it's a very lonely owner's club, that.
00:13:56He goes and stands in a field all by himself.
00:13:59Is anybody here from a car club that's got more than one member?
00:14:03What?
00:14:04Renault Clio owner's club.
00:14:05How can there be an owner's club for that?
00:14:06Do you go and meet and stand in fields?
00:14:07Car parks.
00:14:08Car parks.
00:14:09Oh, I want to join.
00:14:10Well, I've got a Renault Clio.
00:14:11I'm up for that.
00:14:12So why?
00:14:13Any other car makers here?
00:14:14Anyone from the MG owner's club?
00:14:15Well, not here, obviously.
00:14:16No, obviously.
00:14:17That's a good point.
00:14:18They won't be here.
00:14:19They'll be on the A3 going...
00:14:20Oh, no.
00:14:21I wonder, sometimes, do people who are MG enthusiasts buy them hoping they break down?
00:14:35They do, don't they?
00:14:36They think, is that why I can get underneath it and get my fingernails all dirty?
00:14:39Well, no, because if all they wanted to do is drive around in an open-top two-seater,
00:14:44they'd buy a Mazda MX-5, because that just is always going to work.
00:14:46Exactly.
00:14:47I think they're mad.
00:14:48It's like being an amateur vet and saying, I'm going to deliberately buy a dog that's
00:14:51poorly in the hope it goes wrong and I can fix it.
00:14:55Now, there is a new BMW M5.
00:14:58We can tell you several things about it.
00:15:00First of all, it'll cost £73,000.
00:15:02Secondly, it's based on the current 5 Series, which we think is one of the best-looking
00:15:06cars around.
00:15:07That looks even better.
00:15:08Secondly, the engine, for the first time ever in an M5, is turbocharged because of
00:15:11some air problem.
00:15:12Carbon dioxide, it has to be cleaner.
00:15:14And it'll also, even though I haven't driven it, be fantastic to drive.
00:15:18I know that.
00:15:19It will.
00:15:20Actually, all M5s have always been fantastic.
00:15:22There's never been a bad one.
00:15:23No, there hasn't.
00:15:24There's a lot on this as well, a lot of equipment.
00:15:27It's got a rear-view camera.
00:15:29It's also got a multimedia system that can bring up Facebook and Twitter.
00:15:33I don't want one anymore.
00:15:35Why would you want that on your dashboard?
00:15:37You're driving up the A1.
00:15:38Oh, look, Lily Allen's having sardines in Notting Hill.
00:15:40That's interesting.
00:15:41It's not relevant.
00:15:42Is that necessary?
00:15:43I've looked at fighter pilots who have Twitter on their dashboard.
00:15:45Yes.
00:15:46I'm locked onto target.
00:15:47I'm committed.
00:15:48Oh, hang on a second.
00:15:49Stephen Fry's just said something brainy about a plane.
00:15:51Hold on.
00:15:52I really do think we get too much information when we're driving around now.
00:15:56I mean, those signs that say spray possible, which on a nice day in June, it isn't.
00:16:00And you know those posters, okay?
00:16:02There used to be adverts that said drink food and eat beer or whatever it is on them.
00:16:07Yeah, used toothpaste.
00:16:08Well, now they've made them electronic, and Sky News has got one, and it gives you snippets
00:16:12of news as you drive by.
00:16:13Now, I was driving past one the other day.
00:16:15It'd be okay if it was short, but it's quite long.
00:16:17So you're going, JK Rowling, sex agent.
00:16:20Where are you going?
00:16:21That's funny.
00:16:22I was driving down the A40 just after you the other day, and the headline was quite brief.
00:16:26It said, Clarkson has massive accidents.
00:16:29Now, can I just say, as we know, birds sometimes defecate on your car.
00:16:36And at this time of year, that's very bad for the paintwork, because the lacquer is soft.
00:16:40What?
00:16:41Where are you going with this, mate?
00:16:42Where I'm going is this.
00:16:44A bird defecated on my car this week.
00:16:47Well, that's terrible.
00:16:48That's not that unusual, mate.
00:16:49It'll have happened to people here.
00:16:51Not like this.
00:16:53Okay, I brought an iPad here.
00:16:55I know how they work, of course.
00:16:57Here is the bird.
00:16:58Yes, it's some bird poo on your back window.
00:17:00Now, that's a significant quantity of bird poo, would you not?
00:17:03You'd say, that's a big bird that did that.
00:17:05Look at this.
00:17:09You get to there, and you think, that must be the end.
00:17:14That is a metre of faeces!
00:17:17What bird can do a metre of faeces?
00:17:20I'm two metres tall, and I can't do a metre of faeces.
00:17:24Hang on, you live in Oxfordshire, you've got those red kites there, and they are big birds.
00:17:28They are big birds, and they are carnivores.
00:17:30Now, I examined this faeces, and there were seven cherry stones in it.
00:17:34Well, maybe it had a field mouse in a cherry june in Oxfordshire.
00:17:39If the cherry stones were in its gut, it must have eaten the cherry hole, which means it must have had a mouth like a Peugeot.
00:17:47What kind of bird can have a gallon of guano in its gut, and still take off and achieve sufficient altitude to defecate on my Range Rover?
00:17:57Big one!
00:17:58What?
00:17:59It was a flying cow.
00:18:00What?
00:18:01James, you really do live in Hammersmith, don't you?
00:18:05We should bear in mind this is the man who believes cows lay eggs.
00:18:09And he does.
00:18:10He said that on the show.
00:18:11You said that.
00:18:12I said eggs come from cows.
00:18:14What?
00:18:15Can I just say, can I just say, I want to have a competition on this.
00:18:20If anybody can find a bigger piece of bird dirt than that on that car, take a photograph and send it to us at Top Gear London, where are we?
00:18:28W12 7TS, mark your envelope, you really are plumbing new depths this week.
00:18:35Well, you are!
00:18:36Now, there is a new Range Rover.
00:18:39It's not as big as the real thing, but does it work?
00:18:42To find out, I went to the United States, which is in America.
00:18:46This is it.
00:19:04It's called the Evoque.
00:19:06And even though it's covered in Range Rover badges, it doesn't look especially tough or off-roading.
00:19:12Little wonder when the design consultant for this car was Victoria Beckham.
00:19:19This is one of those luxury lifestyle off-roaders, which is why the producers have told me to drive it to Las Vegas, where I have a job for the evening chauffeuring the cosmetically enhanced Cher.
00:19:31However, there is a small obstacle in the way.
00:19:37Actually, it's quite a big obstacle, because my starting point is here.
00:19:42Death Valley, one of the most inhospitable places on Earth, boasting some of the toughest terrain a car could ever face.
00:19:59So, it's the perfect place to decide if the new Evoque is a proper Range Rover or just a big designer girl's blouse.
00:20:07The edge of Death Valley was 150 miles away.
00:20:18And to get there, I wasn't allowed to use any tarmac roads.
00:20:22Now, this is no small challenge, because the Evoque doesn't have a massive separate chassis, and it doesn't have a low-range gearbox, and it doesn't have a big fire-breathing V8.
00:20:34What it has is a four-cylinder turbo diesel engine, making 187 horsepower.
00:20:40And underneath, it's based on the old Freelander, which is loosely related to the Ford Mondeo.
00:20:51I think the record temperature for this area is something like 137.
00:20:56If the car were to break down out here, I reckon it would be three, maybe four minutes, before I got into the cruise Range Rover and went back to the hotel.
00:21:08For the first few miles, the terrain didn't offer much of a challenge, but I did find out something pleasing about the Evoque.
00:21:19The ride in this car is excellent.
00:21:23This surface is actually quite washable.
00:21:26But this is soaking it up marvellously.
00:21:29That's because the dampers are filled with a fluid that contains magnetised iron filings, which can react in milliseconds to alter the firmness of the suspension.
00:21:40It's the same system, actually, that they use on the Audi R8, only in this they can respond twice as quickly.
00:21:48And if that was you responsible for that, Mrs. Beckham, then can I say thank you very much indeed.
00:21:54Mrs. Beckham's suspension wafted me towards my appointment in Las Vegas.
00:22:09Stereo's good as well.
00:22:11Actually, the interior is very good, nicely trimmed and everything.
00:22:15But then it should be, because this may be a baby Range Rover, but even the most basic one starts at £28,000.
00:22:21And if you have the Prestige model, like I have here, then it's about £43,000.
00:22:32Soon, the going started to get much tougher.
00:22:38Ow!
00:22:40This is where you normally need a low-range gearbox.
00:22:43But instead, the Evoque has an electronic off-road system called Terrain Response.
00:22:47A difficult terrain setting.
00:22:51Now I'd find out if it was any good.
00:22:56Find me some traction.
00:22:59There you go.
00:23:01Along with the terrain response, there are other 21st-century aids.
00:23:05I can use, look, these cameras.
00:23:08There's five cameras on the car, which help me to look out for bits that I might otherwise hit.
00:23:14We're going on this one.
00:23:16And I can miss that rock.
00:23:20Loving your work, Mrs. Beckham.
00:23:21Soon, I found myself in a narrow, rocky canyon.
00:23:28And the Evoque started to struggle.
00:23:32They can aim for that bit.
00:23:34Ooh!
00:23:35Yes!
00:23:45Give me more of that.
00:23:50I have to say, this is pretty good for a car, but let's be honest, most people are going to drive to the shops and occasionally cross a field to a pony club meeting, or gymkhana, or whatever they're called.
00:24:00But eventually, the Evoque had to throw in the towel.
00:24:07Oh, no.
00:24:12I must be a bit of a chump thinking I can get at that.
00:24:15Must I not?
00:24:16That is officially a small cliff.
00:24:20Still, it's quite a noble effort.
00:24:22I think we'll have to find a different way round.
00:24:31Having retraced my steps, I found another route and was soon flying along.
00:24:37Woo!
00:24:38This is better.
00:24:40Look at the speed I'm doing.
00:24:41I'm doing 70 miles an hour on my way to Cher.
00:24:46But then...
00:24:48Oh, no.
00:24:49Oh!
00:24:58With the sand dune sitting slap bang between me and Cher, there was no option but to put my faith once more in the terrain response computer.
00:25:06I have it in sand mode, and what it does is it changes all sorts of things, the suspension settings, the throttle response, and because I've got it in sand, I get very, very peaky power delivery.
00:25:19It holds it in the lower gears, I can change manually, and it keeps me going through the sand.
00:25:24Well, that's steeper than I thought.
00:25:36As it turned out, the baby Range Rover coped well on the sand.
00:25:41Hee-hee!
00:25:43What happens if I try and go up there?
00:25:46Oh, crack it, that's a big climb. You've got to be bloody careful.
00:25:49There was, however, a weak link, and, as ever, it was my internal sat-nav.
00:25:56Hang on, hang on. Now I'm going the wrong way.
00:25:59No, no, no, no.
00:26:03This looks like a sheet of beige paper.
00:26:06And then, some enthusiastic locals turned up.
00:26:10Yeommos!
00:26:19Come on, then.
00:26:30Whoa!
00:26:31Whoa! I don't know what the hell the Asians got in there, Steve. They're massive!
00:26:40They've done a wheelie!
00:26:46After they'd stripped the evoke of most of its paint...
00:26:49There!
00:26:52Thank you!
00:26:53...the Death Valley rednecks showed me the way out of the dunes.
00:27:00I've no idea who these blokes are, but they're good sports.
00:27:06Eventually, the buggy chaps deposited me on a dry riverbed.
00:27:10But since I was now running late for my date with Cher, there was no time to give the evoke a breather.
00:27:24Well, this is about as fast as it would go, actually, because it's slightly soft.
00:27:30I can get up to about 75 or so before the car starts squirrelling around.
00:27:36Again, Mrs. Beckham, I have to commend you on your car.
00:27:40As the sun set, I came upon a marvellous sight.
00:27:50Hey!
00:27:52Oh, that's nice.
00:27:55Mmm, lovely, lovely tarmac.
00:27:58It's like a cool hand passed across your fevered brown tarmac.
00:28:05It also meant I was out of Death Valley and on course to make my appointment.
00:28:11Right, I'm pretty sure that Cher is not going to be interested in the road test of the evoke.
00:28:16So here's a quick sum up.
00:28:18Things I like.
00:28:20I think it looks excellent.
00:28:22It's particularly good off-road as it turns out.
00:28:24It has a nice tasteful interior and the ride is excellent.
00:28:28Things I don't like.
00:28:30It's not that spacious in the back.
00:28:32There are a few too many buttons on the steering wheel and the door mirrors are too big.
00:28:38Anyway, onwards to Cher.
00:28:46Eventually, my destination came into view.
00:28:49Not that you could miss it.
00:28:51I've heard Cher's a bit of a diva, actually.
00:29:03I don't know how she's going to take to a man who's done this much desert off-roading.
00:29:10Hopefully, she likes a bit of stinky rough.
00:29:13Soon, I arrived at the venue.
00:29:16Temperature set, something comfortable.
00:29:26That's in the right mode.
00:29:33Here we go, here we go.
00:29:46Evening.
00:30:09Are you a bloke?
00:30:11Um...
00:30:12Yeah.
00:30:13So you're not actually...
00:30:15Cher isn't actually a man?
00:30:17No.
00:30:18I'm a man that plays Cher.
00:30:21Right.
00:30:25I could really use a burger right now.
00:30:28Right, well that's my kind of language.
00:30:30Um, I'll see what I can do, sir, madam, sir.
00:30:34Madam.
00:30:35Madam.
00:30:36Hang on.
00:30:37Hang on.
00:30:38Is that one of those, um...
00:30:39What are they called?
00:30:40Cross-dressing things, and then that wasn't really Cher, then?
00:30:41Yeah, apparently, that Cher is actually called Steve.
00:30:42But didn't he...
00:30:43Didn't you spot the difference?
00:30:44I mean, the Adam's apple and the...
00:30:45Never mind.
00:30:46Never mind.
00:30:47Never mind.
00:30:48Well, gloss over that.
00:30:49The Range Rover, okay?
00:30:50Yeah.
00:30:51Is it real?
00:30:52Does it feel like a proper one?
00:30:53Yeah.
00:30:54I think it does, because it does work really well off-road, and it does have that, you
00:31:09know, it feels special.
00:31:10And I have to say, it looks fantastic.
00:31:13I mean, really brilliant.
00:31:14It does look fantastic, and it looks even better like that.
00:31:18That's the three-door one.
00:31:19Yes, that's true, but there is a problem with this.
00:31:22Okay, so you arrive at it, the three-door one, with your toddler, it's raining, you open
00:31:26the door, you've got to get the toddler in the back, and you pull the seat forward, well...
00:31:31I mean, unless you're David Beckham, and then you can just sort of pop it in by event.
00:31:36You are a halfwit, look.
00:31:39Press that.
00:31:40Oh, yes.
00:31:41Still raining.
00:31:42Still holding a toddler.
00:31:44Bored, very bored, can't be bothered to wait any more.
00:31:47Let's move on, because it is time to put a star, a Grand Prix star, no less, in our old reasonably
00:31:55priced car.
00:31:56Now, my guest tonight is a German who won last year's World Championship.
00:32:01And this year's, he's already put his towel on that as well.
00:32:05Ladies and gentlemen, Sebastian Battelle!
00:32:07Here he is, the world champion!
00:32:08The world champion is among us.
00:32:10Have a seat, Sebastian.
00:32:11Now, obviously, first of all, huge congratulations on your win this afternoon.
00:32:28The problem is, obviously, it's Wednesday now, but when this goes out on television, it'll
00:32:35be Sunday.
00:32:36So we've just run a few...
00:32:37I'm usually not that slow.
00:32:38Yeah, a few options.
00:32:39What a shame picked at the last moment.
00:32:40And then that mistake, half a lap to the end.
00:32:41Oh, so what were you thinking of, man?
00:32:42Who could have imagined a giant meteorite would land on the cliff?
00:32:45And stop the race like that.
00:32:47And now, a lot of people have been saying it's a boring season.
00:33:04You know that you're going to win every time you watch.
00:33:08But, it probably isn't boring from where you're sitting, is it?
00:33:10Never?
00:33:11No, I mean, I enjoy, you know.
00:33:13It's I think the races are quite exciting from what I see. Obviously. I can't follow them live, but
00:33:21Well, you put a bit in the monitors around no, but I think you actually watch the monitors as you're going around the big screens
00:33:27You do sometimes yeah, because it is not because I have so much time and I'm so much
00:33:32But it's sometimes quite useful to see you know what's going on so because obviously when they are showing some
00:33:39crashes some birds then
00:33:41There's no Valencia was let's be honest and we're boring. I'm afraid I was fast asleep
00:33:48I've got Valencia. You just come up. Maybe that comes with age. It is
00:34:00Anyway, um, I just run through some of your achievements so far obviously the youngest ever world champion
00:34:06The youngest person ever to win the Grand Prix the youngest ever to get a pole position
00:34:11Youngest person ever to score a point and the youngest person ever to score a fastest lap
00:34:16What would you like as a baby?
00:34:20I'm the first to news a lavatory
00:34:24I mean when you would always a competitive child I think I was always competitive
00:34:29I'm not sure about the lavatory it. I think it took me quite a while to
00:34:35Understand you know where you should
00:34:37No, we've got a picture just to demonstrate how young you are actually of you meeting our old stick for the first time actually
00:34:45You've got a there you go look
00:34:48And that really does that's I think that's a rather endearing picture. What was happening there?
00:34:531995
00:34:54Um and you were seven there was a championship held in Kerpen which is Michael's hometown
00:35:00Now obviously that must have been a very special moment for a seven-year-old to meet Michael Schumacher who was a world champion
00:35:05Yes
00:35:05Yeah, it was double world champion double world champion by that
00:35:08What was it like now when you lap him? Do you not feel good? This is I don't think of this picture
00:35:14But is it weird it is a bit weird, you know for me when I was carting Michael was the one you know the one I was looking up to
00:35:20So when you lap him now do you go like that
00:35:22You go like that
00:35:28It must be tempting
00:35:30You know you know the thing is of course he's a legend and there's things that I can you know learn
00:35:35From people like him and drivers like him
00:35:37So can I just ask you to be honest now?
00:35:39How much of your current success is down to that red bull car?
00:35:42The one we've got over there in fact
00:35:44Because Lewis Hamilton said it's just unbelievably quick following the red bull car
00:35:49You know that again it depends you know our car people know and we know our car our strength is in high-speed corners
00:35:56Because we do produce a lot of downforce
00:35:58But then he didn't talk you through probably you know other tracks where they gain I don't know more than half a second down the straights
00:36:04Well obviously you know Adrian Newey because he designed the car that you drive the I got to know him yeah
00:36:09Yeah, yeah, I was at school with him and he told me that yeah
00:36:13Yeah, he used to copy me in physics
00:36:15Really?
00:36:17Yeah, it was really annoying
00:36:18He didn't mention that bit so
00:36:20No, mention it to him because I used to I remember coming up with a double diffuser
00:36:24And the curve system just doodling really and he was like you know those really annoying people at school
00:36:29Exactly, I'd like to mention that to him and you give all your cars names
00:36:33The racing cars?
00:36:34The racing cars, yeah
00:36:36What are these names?
00:36:37This year?
00:36:38No
00:36:39Not Brian?
00:36:40No, Roger
00:36:41No, this year is Kinky Kylie
00:36:43Got a nice back end you know so
00:36:47Last year it was Luscious Liz
00:36:52Luscious Liz?
00:36:53Yeah
00:36:54The year before it was Kate's dirty sister
00:36:57Now you're a big fan I understand of well Britain actually but British comedy in particular
00:37:06Is that right?
00:37:07Correct
00:37:08At the moment I'm quite into Little Britain I think that one is very popular
00:37:12Yeah
00:37:13I even went to London once to see them live
00:37:15Did you?
00:37:16Yeah, it was quite funny up to the point where they tried to play that game hide the sausage
00:37:21And he actually tried to play that game
00:37:25And you're a python fan did somebody tell me you like Monty Python?
00:37:28Yeah, I do
00:37:29The first time I saw was The Life of Brian
00:37:31What?
00:37:32The movie
00:37:33And I saw it in German and I found it it was funny
00:37:36And then I saw the English version and I loved it
00:37:39You know it's weird
00:37:40It's the same thing actually this show
00:37:42They show in Germany now for a couple of years now
00:37:45But you speaking German?
00:37:48No
00:37:49No
00:37:53No
00:37:54No
00:37:56It just doesn't work you know
00:38:00No
00:38:01I can sort of believe that
00:38:03One of the reasons why it's easy to appreciate British humour is if you speak really properly good English
00:38:10Can you even do accents?
00:38:12That's a yes isn't it? That was just a yes
00:38:16Not that I knew of
00:38:17Can you do Birmingham?
00:38:21Actually Adrian brought me close to that Brommie accent because he told some stories about Nigel Mansell in the past
00:38:29About this chicane in Monza where he was I don't know 10 or 20 kph quicker than PK at that time
00:38:35And PK didn't understand and then
00:38:37Patrick had went to Nigel
00:38:39Adrian obviously was there
00:38:41Asking what he's doing and he said
00:38:42I just
00:38:43I just
00:38:44Take my hair
00:38:45I just lost
00:38:49I just
00:38:51Turned my knuckles around the wheel and just go straight
00:38:53Something like this
00:38:56That's fantastic
00:38:58Anyway obviously you've done many Formula One races and you've been successful in a lot of them
00:39:07Today's the most important day of your career so far because you're here to do all that
00:39:13Yes?
00:39:14How did it go out there?
00:39:15I have no idea
00:39:16I don't know you know usually you have reference people tell you thumbs up not so good
00:39:22Because they don't tell you how to
00:39:24And the thing is you know you have got only that car and you know I cannot come into the pits and say it's rubbish change this change that
00:39:32You know I can complain but nobody does
00:39:35Although I have to say you did ask if you could check the tyre pressures before setting off
00:39:39Yes
00:39:40That's quite German
00:39:41Nobody else has said can we check the tyre pressure
00:39:44Because this is the only opportunity really where Formula One drivers get to drive the same car
00:39:49To see how much faster or slower you are than all the others
00:39:52Yeah, so that's why I'm
00:39:54Who'd like to see Sebastian's lap?
00:39:58Let's have a look
00:40:02Not a wheel spin
00:40:07Enough power to spin the wheels
00:40:09But not much after that
00:40:11Come on
00:40:13Must say it's nice to see the old Lyanna back and there we are looking Formula One driver again
00:40:18Taking the wide line there
00:40:24I think I could have a cup of tea before
00:40:26Next corner
00:40:28Chicago
00:40:30Not running wide
00:40:34Well it seems stupid
00:40:36He thinks you will never be on the town time
00:40:38Obsessed with punctuality even there
00:40:42I don't want to say do you keep it in the lines because you are the Formula One world champion and you have
00:40:50And you managed to keep it under control on the way out as well unsurprisingly
00:40:54This thing is really slow
00:40:56It isn't
00:40:58Listen to it
00:40:59Tortured tyres
00:41:00Going through the follow through
00:41:0192, 93, 94 miles an hour
00:41:04Very quick
00:41:06Very quick
00:41:07That hurt
00:41:08The joint
00:41:10It's a good car
00:41:12It is
00:41:14And into Gambon
00:41:16Any two wheel action?
00:41:17None at all
00:41:18And there we are ladies and gentlemen
00:41:19We've lost the line
00:41:26What's very funny now
00:41:30You just leant back
00:41:31But all the way through you've done the interview like that and then you're like that
00:41:34Yeah
00:41:35Where do you think you've come?
00:41:37It was very windy today, did you see?
00:41:40Can you imagine the headwind accelerating when you've got no power?
00:41:44Anymore?
00:41:45Anymore?
00:41:46I have a couple lined up, let's see
00:41:48You're leaning forwards
00:41:50Well the fastest we've ever had is Rubens Barrichello
00:41:54Who did it as we can see in 1 minute 44.3
00:41:57You did it in
00:42:001 minute
00:42:02Good start
00:42:0440
00:42:054
00:42:064
00:42:074
00:42:084
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00:43:0016
00:43:01Now I can lean back, now I can lean back.
00:43:11You can lean back now, you can relax.
00:43:14Well done for today, it's fantastic to meet you, anglophile, good guy, ladies and gentlemen,
00:43:21Sebastian Mattel!
00:43:23Now, this is the Nissan Pixo and it is the cheapest car on sale in the UK right now.
00:43:38It costs just £6,995.
00:43:42It sounds fantastic, but is it?
00:43:45Jeremy decided to find out.
00:43:49Well, here it is.
00:43:54It's built in India and it has a one-litre, three-cylinder engine, so it's very slow.
00:44:01Also it doesn't look very nice, it isn't very spacious and it comes with less equipment
00:44:06than a cave.
00:44:07Yes, you do get power steering and anti-lock brakes.
00:44:12Baaah, ducks, missed them, thank you, anti-lock brakes, working well there.
00:44:18You also get a radio and a dial.
00:44:24But if you want to get the window down, you have to move this lever in an anti-clockwise
00:44:30direction and then to get it up again, you move it in a clockwise direction.
00:44:36And it's a similar story with the door mirrors, they're operated by these funny prongs.
00:44:41They don't even get any carpets.
00:44:44But if you pay an extra £37, Nissan will sell you what they call Luxury Velour Textile Floormats.
00:44:53If you spend £3 on top of that, they will give you a Nissan branded toggle bag containing
00:44:59both a sponge and a sachet of car shampoo.
00:45:05Of course, you might say that for less than £7,000 you should expect to do without speed,
00:45:11and space, and Lux, and electric windows, and carpets.
00:45:16But do you have to?
00:45:18Because what does £6,995 buy you if you're prepared to ferry it around on a second-hand market?
00:45:27This for a kick-off.
00:45:33This is a Bentley Turbo R. It's 23 years old, it's done 122,000 miles, and this actual car
00:45:42is for sale right now for £6,995. For all this! I mean, look at it! Not a Nissan, no.
00:45:54What it is, is a Bentley that I'm in, at the same money. It's got five more cylinders
00:46:00than the Nissan, and a turbocharger, so it is much faster. And the luxury lambswool mats
00:46:07are included in the price.
00:46:09And look at this, if I operate this button here, my window goes up and down. With this
00:46:14button here I can move my seat backwards and forwards. With this button here I can adjust
00:46:18the horns, I can have a twin horn. Very nice. Or a single one. No, that's... Oh, I just
00:46:24have a twin one.
00:46:27Back in 1988, this car cost someone £79,000. Here we are now, and you can buy it for less
00:46:36than a tenth of that. I mean, look! Leather, leather, leather, leather. Wood. Leather, leather,
00:46:45leather. Leather. Leather. Leather. Leather.
00:46:50It is genuinely unbelievable that that car costs exactly the same as this car. Of course,
00:46:58we're not thick. Well, he is. But even he knows that the Bentley was handmade in England,
00:47:04and saying something was handmade in England is just another way of saying the door's going
00:47:08to fall off. Yeah, it's true. This isn't going to be as reliable as the Nissan. And the thing
00:47:12is when stuff does go wrong with this, the bills are just going to be mahoosy. No, they
00:47:17are. They are. Don't worry, though, because it turns out there are many, many alternatives.
00:47:22All of the cars you see here are on the market right now for less than the price of that Nissan
00:47:30Pixel. The Honda S2000, for example. This one is now for sale with 47,000 miles on the clock
00:47:41for 6,500 quid. And you could have a Mazda RX8. Look, four doors like the Nissan Pixel. This
00:47:49one has done 28,000 miles. It's new. It's a brand new car. Subaru Impreza in budget in
00:47:56the correct blue with gold alloys. Lovely. WRX, this one. It is, yes. Can you get an STI
00:48:02in budget? No. P1? No. RB5? Now you're just saying letters and numbers. SK1? That's the
00:48:07postcode for Stockport. It's done 37,000 miles. What? In a Subaru, that is...
00:48:12It's only done 37,000? Yeah. And look at everything on it. Lucky mirrors, aircon,
00:48:17ABS, aircon, everything you need. 6,500 quid. That's fantastic. Of course, some of the
00:48:23cars we found are cheap because they're rubbish. But most aren't. Like this Alpha, this Jack,
00:48:31or these BMWs. We even found a Porsche.
00:48:39It's done 88,000 miles, and it fills tyres and drum, and you're driving about in a Porsche.
00:48:44Convertible Porsche. I know. That's what worries me. Do you think we look a bit...
00:48:49Manly? No. Tough. No. The opposite of those things. Hello there. Yeah. We're talking about football. I'm just going to have a spit out of the window for a second.
00:48:57Only fighter jets near here. Can we go and look at those?
00:49:03Ready? Go, go, go.
00:49:10There. It just does a sort of noise. It makes a great noise. They are incredibly well balanced.
00:49:16It is hard to think of a better car for six and a half grand or six nine than this.
00:49:24That gave us an idea for a challenge. Which one of us could buy the most amazing car for the price of a Nissan Pixel?
00:49:33This is my choice. A Mercedes CL which I found on the internet for £6,995.
00:49:48What makes that price particularly extraordinary is that this is the top of the range model, the V12, and it comes with just about everything.
00:50:01It has a television. It has radar-guided cruise control that maintains a set distance to the car in front.
00:50:06It has voice-activated controls. It has seats that massage you as you drive along.
00:50:13If you bought the equivalent of this car today, it would cost you £161,000.
00:50:19And that makes this the bargain of the century.
00:50:22No, it isn't. Because this is the BMW 850 CI. It, too, has a V12 engine, not the lesser V8-engined 840.
00:50:31But what makes this car better than Jeremy's is pop-up headlamps. Simple as that.
00:50:39How much did you pay for this?
00:50:416,700. Yours?
00:50:436,995.
00:50:45Less.
00:50:47How old is it?
00:50:48It's 17 years old.
00:50:499.
00:50:50Really?
00:50:529 years old.
00:50:53How many miles has it done?
00:50:55127.
00:50:5754,000.
00:50:59Rubbish.
00:51:00Why does it have casters from a sofa instead of wheels?
00:51:03Okay. It's period. They were that size in those days. What are they? 17? 16? 16?
00:51:0916-inch. That's what they were.
00:51:11And you know full well that that means fatter tyres and that means a better ride. Fact.
00:51:15It's got smarties for wheels. And is that ruched leather?
00:51:19Oh, yes. Yes, it is.
00:51:20Why do people from Birmingham like a ruched?
00:51:23What?
00:51:26To find out which of us had bought the best car, we decided to conduct a series of tests.
00:51:32Starting, not unsurprisingly, with speed.
00:51:34This is a 1.8-mile runway and all we wanted to know is who'd get to the far end first.
00:51:44Of course, what matters most of all in a race like this is power.
00:51:48And the simple fact is I have more of it.
00:51:52A lot more. And more torque.
00:51:55Because my car has a pop-up. It knows.
00:51:58It is sleeker at the front, more aerodynamic.
00:52:01And in a race like this, aerodynamics matter.
00:52:05Three, two, one, go!
00:52:07Yeah!
00:52:11Oh!
00:52:14And that is good boy Hammond.
00:52:17His car is limited. Top speed, 155.
00:52:21BMW, not limited. Top speed, 156.
00:52:27I can still whisper. 130 miles an hour.
00:52:33140.
00:52:35He's ahead, yes, but soon he will hit the limiter.
00:52:39And I will surge past.
00:52:41155 miles an hour.
00:52:45But that surging thing didn't happen.
00:52:48Crack.
00:52:50What a machine!
00:52:53We pulled over for a post-race chat.
00:52:56Hello!
00:52:58Hello!
00:52:59Can I just say?
00:53:00Yes?
00:53:01What happened there?
00:53:02Well, obviously the BM lost.
00:53:04The weirdest thing was, as we crossed the finish line at the end, mine changed up.
00:53:09So I think given a longer runway, you know, like 50 miles longer.
00:53:14Yes, yes, yes.
00:53:15I would have won!
00:53:16Listen, have you ever run a race while carrying a television?
00:53:19No, and a sideboard.
00:53:21And a sideboard.
00:53:22I've got a television and a sideboard in here.
00:53:24Can I also say, I want one of these phones on a cord in my car.
00:53:26This is really...
00:53:27It's better!
00:53:29To try and understand why Hammond's car was so slow, we put it on a machine that would reveal
00:53:36how many horsepowers had escaped over the years.
00:53:40Are they tethering it? There's no need to tether it.
00:53:42They're going to shackle this beast down.
00:53:44It took nearly an hour to get down that runway.
00:53:46No, it didn't.
00:53:48Soon the machine gave us an answer.
00:53:52How many was it?
00:53:53296.
00:53:54296 horsepower from your 5 litre engine.
00:53:57And in how many years old is it?
00:53:5917 years old.
00:54:00269 at the flywheel.
00:54:0227 horses have escaped.
00:54:04Yes.
00:54:05Less than two a year.
00:54:06You could eat that many horses a year.
00:54:08Perhaps you're just a rubbish driver.
00:54:10We then decided to test the Mercedes.
00:54:13What a jet noise!
00:54:15That's not the car!
00:54:18To start with, 362 brake horsepower.
00:54:21Yes.
00:54:22Today, after nine years...
00:54:23Yes.
00:54:25352.
00:54:27352.
00:54:28So, my car has lost fewer horsepower than yours.
00:54:31Yes.
00:54:32Is faster than yours.
00:54:34Has much more equipment than yours.
00:54:38It hasn't got pop-up headlamps and the leather is not ruched.
00:54:40We then checked out our car's interiors using our old friend, Mr. Manlove and his team of forensic experts.
00:54:51You know the last time we tested cars like this on Top Gear?
00:54:54Yes.
00:54:55Didn't we find that yours was all full of blood and mucus?
00:54:57Yes.
00:54:58And faeces.
00:55:00After a microscopic examination, Manlove was ready with the results.
00:55:05Well, why don't we go Hammond first, since you usually lose these.
00:55:08All right then.
00:55:09With the BMW, first of all, we're lacking faeces this time.
00:55:13No faeces.
00:55:14We do have plenty of saliva, which you would expect.
00:55:18It's on the car phone.
00:55:20When you talk, obviously, little spatters of saliva come out.
00:55:23We also had a lot of material which looked like rolled nasal mucus again.
00:55:29What nasal mucus?
00:55:30Rolled, as in...
00:55:33Picking and flicking.
00:55:34Absolutely.
00:55:36There we are.
00:55:37Finally, there was an odour of urine.
00:55:40Somebody in there has wet themselves.
00:55:41It was a general pervading aroma.
00:55:44I mean another lavatory.
00:55:46Right.
00:55:47The Mercedes.
00:55:49There was some white powder found on tapings, as was some herbal material that looked like it had been cut or chopped.
00:55:57Now, we didn't do any further testing on that.
00:55:59White powder is like talc.
00:56:01Yeah, it could be talc and powder.
00:56:03And moving onto the front passenger seat, there was a rhinestone.
00:56:06And then we had chemical reactions that we would frequently find if we were examining different types of cases on potentially vaginal swabs present.
00:56:17Vaginal?
00:56:18Material on the passenger seat.
00:56:19So, mine was a drooling businessman, flicking bogeys, wet himself, yours...
00:56:29Was an interesting bloke.
00:56:30Could the rhinestone have come from a vajazzle?
00:56:33What's that?
00:56:34A vajazzle. They don't have them in Herefordshire, where you live. You don't need to worry.
00:56:37I'm seeing a sort of magic stick that you wave at things.
00:56:40No, it isn't that.
00:56:42With Man Love's test complete, we took our cars onto the road to see what they're like on the road.
00:56:54Oh, yeah. Headlamps popping up.
00:56:57Oh, yeah.
00:56:59I'll put them away.
00:57:02It just feels great.
00:57:03It doesn't feel old fashioned, outdated or second hand.
00:57:07There's just not a clue that this is anything other than an incredibly expensive car.
00:57:12Rear roller blind.
00:57:14Yup. That's working well.
00:57:16Put it in sport mode.
00:57:18That works.
00:57:20Raise the suspension up and lower it.
00:57:22Turn the traction control off.
00:57:24Cruise control.
00:57:25In some ways, it's not really a rival for the Nissan Pixo, but it is a rival for a brand new Mercedes.
00:57:30Because you do have to ask, why would you buy one?
00:57:35Let me just try the linguatronic, make sure that's working okay.
00:57:39Radio 2.
00:57:42Capital. Radio 4.
00:57:46News direct.
00:57:48Cancel.
00:57:49That's working brilliantly, exactly like every linguatronic system I've ever encountered.
00:57:56Total disobedience.
00:57:59Soon, we pulled over in the town of Market Harborough to conduct a little experiment.
00:58:06This Mercedes V12, how much do you reckon?
00:58:1020.
00:58:1220 or 25?
00:58:1427 grand.
00:58:1512 or 13.
00:58:16It's a V12 BMW.
00:58:18What would you think that was for sale for, if it were for sale today?
00:58:22About 12,000.
00:58:2312,000?
00:58:2540 to 50,000.
00:58:26What about this car?
00:58:28It's a V12 also, it's done 54,000 miles.
00:58:31So if your neighbour put that on the driver, you'd think, oh, hello, they've done all right.
00:58:34They paid 20,000 pounds.
00:58:38It's as we thought.
00:58:39People think these cars are worth far more than we actually paid.
00:58:45So what we have here are two V12 supercoupés blasting through the heart of England silently, quickly, comfortably and cheaply.
00:58:56If the Nissan's done one thing for us, it's let us know that these cars are out there for that kind of money.
00:59:14It's a complete no-brainer.
00:59:15It's a complete no-brainer.
00:59:32I honestly believe, I honestly believe we really are onto something here.
00:59:38They are both brilliant.
00:59:39What?
00:59:41Have you two taken complete leave of your senses?
00:59:43Why?
00:59:44Because anybody who buys an ancient V12 coupe instead of the economical three-cylinder little hatchback is going to end up bankrupt and living in a skip.
00:59:54Listen, Captain Killjoy, how do you know?
00:59:57A modern-day Formula One car doesn't break down.
01:00:00So what makes you think that a relatively modern road car's going to break down?
01:00:04Because, Jeremy, Formula One cars are not owned by people who fill them with snot and lady juice.
01:00:11That's some piquet, Ned.
01:00:14Anyway, we anticipated your objections. And we didn't just borrow these cars to drive. We actually bought them.
01:00:20What, with money?
01:00:21Yes.
01:00:22And we're going to run them for a while and we're going to report back and inform the viewers on just how reliable they are.
01:00:29Really? Well, I am prepared to bet you two all of my hair that within two weeks one of these has gone bang.
01:00:35James, there will be no bombshell. And on that bombshell, it is time to end. Now, I do apologize. Tonight's show has been about cars.
01:00:45It has, hasn't it? Even the guest.
01:00:47Even the guest was a driver. But don't worry. Next week, normal service is resumed. There are many accidents and a light fire.
01:00:54So we'll see you then. Good night.
01:00:55Good night.
01:00:56Good night.
01:01:25Good night.
01:01:26Good night.
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