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00:00:00Hey everybody, thanks for checking out the Chris Gethard Show podcast.
00:00:02You're about to watch episode 6 of the Chris Gethard Show.
00:00:05It was originally broadcast live on the Manhattan Neighborhood Network in New York City.
00:00:09It's the public access channel in New York.
00:00:11Episode 6, I had found out four or five days before this episode, I booked some work in California, so I had to fly out there.
00:00:18So this is the first episode that I wasn't at.
00:00:21We weren't sure what to do, but we figured at some point in this thing we're going to have to get guest hosts.
00:00:25That's a bridge we're going to have to cross. Might as well figure out how it works.
00:00:28So my friend Shannon O'Neill, a good buddy of mine, stepped up and hosted the show, and I think she did a great job.
00:00:34We were back in the small studio for this one.
00:00:36This is hopefully the last show of ours you'll ever see in the small studio, because I think we figured out how to get into the big studio consistently.
00:00:43I got to watch this episode on the Ustream, see people commenting.
00:00:47It was really interesting for me to sit and watch the whole thing.
00:00:51A lot of funny stuff happens in this episode. Catch or snatch, great game.
00:00:55We learned some really weird things about the human fish in this episode.
00:00:58You'll also see we have Alyssa. Alyssa's this caller.
00:01:02She's 15, and she's a comedy nerd.
00:01:04And we have her connected to the show so that when we have famous comedians on, she can call up and talk to them.
00:01:09But we still haven't quite figured out the rhythm of that bit, how to get it right.
00:01:13And she called in this show, and as soon as she called, Shannon was like,
00:01:18I don't know who this person is, and I realized I didn't tell her about Alyssa.
00:01:20And I love Shannon O'Neal to death, but as you will see watching this episode,
00:01:24probably not the person you want in the driver's seat when a 15-year-old calls and there's mass confusion.
00:01:30Shannon just goes for it, which is why Shannon's awesome.
00:01:33But it got so awkward, so fast.
00:01:34I was texting people.
00:01:35I was like, hang up.
00:01:36I got a last speech.
00:01:37Hello.
00:01:37Thank you so much for having me.
00:01:40That's her normal voice, and that's how she waves.
00:01:43George Karaman.
00:01:44Hey, I'm happy to be here, guys.
00:01:46That is his normal voice.
00:01:47We got Jesse Lee.
00:01:48Hello, everyone.
00:01:49Of course, we got the always here, Bethany Hall.
00:01:52She's always here.
00:01:54And Don, big balls, small shaft finale.
00:01:59Hi.
00:02:01All friends of the show.
00:02:02And, of course, every week we have Random Gene.
00:02:05Let's not give applause to Random Gene.
00:02:09No applause.
00:02:10So the story of Random Gene is we don't know her.
00:02:12She's a random person.
00:02:14She called in during the second show.
00:02:16She called the hotline and asked, what is this show about?
00:02:19She was very confused, so we invited her to come down to the studio and experience the show herself.
00:02:24And then we made a real quick decision without thinking about it and asked her to come back every week.
00:02:29So now Random Gene.
00:02:31Oh, did I insult you?
00:02:33Okay, now I'm just teasing.
00:02:34So now Random Gene comes down every week, and she's always welcome, but she remains random.
00:02:41We try not to interact with her outside of this album that we are on.
00:02:45And of course, everybody, the human fish.
00:02:56There is very little that we know about the human fish.
00:03:19I think there's five things we know.
00:03:20He recently emerged from the sea.
00:03:22Oh, I can't even say he.
00:03:23We don't know what it is.
00:03:25Right.
00:03:26I always say he based on the amount of hair on its body.
00:03:29The human fish.
00:03:30The human fish.
00:03:30It is the human fish.
00:03:32Emerged from the sea recently.
00:03:34Has genitals.
00:03:35We know that because the human fish wears shorts.
00:03:38We don't know what kind of genitals those are.
00:03:40Human fish is, what's your guess?
00:03:42Ambiguously gendered.
00:03:44Okay.
00:03:44Yeah.
00:03:45Yeah.
00:03:45Thanks, Jesse Lee.
00:03:47No.
00:03:48I appreciate that.
00:03:49He's wearing, it is wearing goggles.
00:03:52Right.
00:03:52Because the human fish is protecting his eyes from air, just like we wear goggles to protect
00:03:58our eyes from water.
00:03:59However, if at any point, any of us, it's going to happen right now, say the word cock, human
00:04:06fish instantly will just pantomime, playing with a shaft and balls.
00:04:11We don't know why.
00:04:13We don't know where this behavior comes from or how the human fish learned it.
00:04:17And last week, we learned something new.
00:04:19We're hoping to learn something new every week.
00:04:20But last week, we learned the human fish cries air.
00:04:25But I don't think that means we should make the human fish cry.
00:04:30You got mad just when you mentioned that.
00:04:32No, no, no.
00:04:34We never intentionally want to hurt anybody.
00:04:35Human fish, what's on your mind?
00:04:36No, no, no.
00:04:37Rugs versus carpets.
00:04:39Who wins?
00:04:40Carpets.
00:04:42That's all we get from the human fish.
00:04:44You can't ask him anything except what's on your mind.
00:04:46And we don't know why.
00:04:48What wins, wins.
00:04:51We got a couple great things going on.
00:04:52We got a few things that are going to be running through the show.
00:04:56We have blind makeovers being performed by Miss Bethany Hall.
00:05:00She's going to be blindfolded.
00:05:02And then she's got an array of makeup on the table in front of her.
00:05:06And she's going to give everyone on the panel a blind makeover.
00:05:10So we'll see what kind of...
00:05:11Did you give yourself a makeover blind tonight?
00:05:15Or is that normal?
00:05:17No, that's good.
00:05:18I put extra time into my makeup today, trying to pretend I was doing it on everybody.
00:05:23You got very shadowy eyes.
00:05:24I got really shadowy.
00:05:25Yeah, smoky.
00:05:26Smoky.
00:05:26Real smoky.
00:05:27So everyone's going to get a blind makeover?
00:05:29I wanted to say smoky, shadowy.
00:05:32No, you know makeup, Don.
00:05:34That's true.
00:05:34Don, who's your favorite...
00:05:37Chanel.
00:05:38Chanel's your favorite makeup company?
00:05:40Oh, wow.
00:05:40Wow, that's expensive taste.
00:05:42Yeah.
00:05:43Totally.
00:05:44What's your favorite sports drink?
00:05:47Coconut juice?
00:05:49Milk?
00:05:50Water?
00:05:50Water.
00:05:52Coconut mortar.
00:05:55Okay, great.
00:05:56And then something else we're going to do.
00:05:58I created a game that we're going to be playing with the panel.
00:06:01And also you guys at home, don't forget to call in.
00:06:05You guys can play this game too.
00:06:06It's called Catch or Snatch.
00:06:09And what's going to happen is I have various photos in my lap here.
00:06:12And I'll give you an example.
00:06:13I will hold up a close-up of a photo.
00:06:16I'm not going to tell you what this is.
00:06:17And then people will guess if it is a catch or a snatch of fish.
00:06:25Is it a catch or is it a snatch?
00:06:34All right.
00:06:35Sheena, how did you come up with this game?
00:06:39Did you see a fish that looked like a vagina and it gave you a great idea?
00:06:42I was naked in the shower.
00:06:44Eating oysters.
00:06:45Eating oysters.
00:06:47And I thought to myself, wow, I'm eating a catch while I'm washing my snatch.
00:06:54So why not make a game of it?
00:06:57Yeah.
00:06:57Just rhyme things and do it.
00:07:00So actually, why don't we just play this one right now.
00:07:04All right.
00:07:04So this is what it is.
00:07:06All right.
00:07:07I'll show you guys.
00:07:08I don't think you guys can see on the monitor, right?
00:07:10So let me show you guys behind.
00:07:13You guys see it behind?
00:07:14All right.
00:07:15Is that a catch or a snatch?
00:07:18Puss.
00:07:18That's a puss.
00:07:19What do you think?
00:07:20It's a puss?
00:07:21Yeah.
00:07:22Look at how big my bicep is.
00:07:23It is a catch.
00:07:25Oh, shit.
00:07:26Yep.
00:07:26You thought that was a puss?
00:07:28No, she's being a...
00:07:28Yeah, yeah.
00:07:28That's what a pussy looks like.
00:07:30Come on.
00:07:31With an eye?
00:07:31Fran grew up in a dumpster behind Costco.
00:07:36All right.
00:07:36So she's not as, you know, in tune with her body.
00:07:41Gotcha.
00:07:42All right.
00:07:42We'll do another one, okay?
00:07:43Yeah.
00:07:44All right.
00:07:45So let's see what we got here.
00:07:47Do we have...
00:07:48What is this?
00:07:53See if you can do a close-up?
00:07:55And I'll show you guys behind.
00:07:57What do you guys think that is?
00:07:58That's a pussy.
00:07:59It's catch or snatch?
00:08:00That's a pussy.
00:08:00Catch or snatch is the game.
00:08:01It's not pussy or fish.
00:08:03Snatch.
00:08:03I think it's a snatch.
00:08:04It's not pussy or fish.
00:08:05It's catch or snatch.
00:08:06You're right.
00:08:06Snatch.
00:08:07Good job, guys.
00:08:08It is a snatch.
00:08:10Nice.
00:08:11That would be a great T-shirt.
00:08:14Right?
00:08:15The fingernail.
00:08:17Great T-shirt.
00:08:18All right.
00:08:18We have a caller on the line.
00:08:21Hello.
00:08:21Welcome to the Chris Gethard Show.
00:08:22Who is this?
00:08:24Hello.
00:08:25This is Paul.
00:08:27Paul, how are you doing tonight?
00:08:29I'm doing pretty good.
00:08:30How about yourself?
00:08:31I'm awesome.
00:08:31Now, Paul, do you have an answer to our call-in topic of...
00:08:35Do you have a crime that you've witnessed that you want to tell us about?
00:08:38I kind of play more of the snatch or catch.
00:08:43Sure.
00:08:44Can I ask you, have you ever witnessed a crime?
00:08:47Sure.
00:08:48It's okay if you haven't.
00:08:49I just want to know.
00:08:49Well, the crime I witnessed, I kind of asked somebody to commit it for me so that I wouldn't
00:08:58have to do it and I would be innocent, you know?
00:09:01Details, Paul.
00:09:03Well, something was stolen from an institution.
00:09:08Okay.
00:09:08Give us...
00:09:09We're not going to call the cops on you.
00:09:11We love specifics.
00:09:12So, Paul, what was the institution?
00:09:13What was stolen?
00:09:14It was a school and it was a video projector.
00:09:19Whoa.
00:09:21Video projector.
00:09:23Damn.
00:09:24Yes.
00:09:24What did you want it for?
00:09:27For playing videos in my room and stuff.
00:09:30Ah.
00:09:30To do this thing.
00:09:31Did you have to pay the guy who stole it for you or he was just doing you a favor?
00:09:35Yeah, I paid him like 40 bucks, but the projector was worth much more than that.
00:09:40Nice.
00:09:41That's great, Paul.
00:09:42Was this a friend of yours?
00:09:43I don't know if it's great, but...
00:09:46No, I think it's great.
00:09:46Do you still use the projector?
00:09:51Hello?
00:09:52Paul, do you still use the projector?
00:09:55No, I actually sold it.
00:09:56I passed it on.
00:09:58How much did you sell it for?
00:10:00I don't know.
00:10:01It was like 100 bucks.
00:10:02Not a lot.
00:10:03All right.
00:10:04Well, selling it and passing it on is two different things.
00:10:06But you want to play catch or snatch?
00:10:09Yeah.
00:10:09Okay.
00:10:10So, let me get the next one.
00:10:11You saw this was a snatch, right?
00:10:12Can I hold that?
00:10:14Yeah, those are pretty easy.
00:10:15I hope this one's harder.
00:10:16Okay.
00:10:18Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:10:19This one's harder, my friend.
00:10:20Here we go.
00:10:23So, is this...
00:10:24I'm glad I'm going to be blindfolded for this show.
00:10:27Holy Christ.
00:10:28Is this a catch or a snatch?
00:10:35That's a catch.
00:10:36This is a catch?
00:10:39You are correct.
00:10:40All right.
00:10:40It's a disgusting pile of fish on some rice.
00:10:45It's probably a Japanese meal.
00:10:46Yeah, I should have showed the panel.
00:10:47Sorry, guys.
00:10:47All right, Paul.
00:10:48That was great.
00:10:48Thanks for calling.
00:10:49All right.
00:10:50I'd love someone to call...
00:10:51Do I win a fish dinner or something?
00:10:52Do what?
00:10:54A fish dinner?
00:10:55Do I win a fish dinner?
00:10:56Yeah, go find a girl and go down on her.
00:11:00Thanks, guys.
00:11:00You guys are great.
00:11:01You're great, Paul.
00:11:02I'm great, Paul.
00:11:03Yeah.
00:11:04Bye, Paul.
00:11:05Let's get another caller.
00:11:07Who's our next caller?
00:11:08You're on the Chris Gethard Show.
00:11:09Hello.
00:11:10Hi, this is Alyssa.
00:11:12Alyssa.
00:11:12How are you doing tonight, Alyssa?
00:11:14Oh, wait.
00:11:14I'm hanging with Alyssa.
00:11:16I'm hanging with Alyssa.
00:11:19Alyssa, what's up?
00:11:21Now, I'm going to be honest.
00:11:22I forget Alyssa's story.
00:11:25Alyssa, what's your story?
00:11:26Why do we have a theme song for you?
00:11:29I talked to Chris.
00:11:31A while back, and he said that I said I was a comedy fan, and he said that I should call
00:11:38in during the show, I guess.
00:11:40She's our 15-year-old mega fan of Robbie.
00:11:44Oh, you're 15 years old.
00:11:45Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:11:46Chris has been chatting on with her through Facebook.
00:11:48Great, great.
00:11:48So, Alyssa, what's the worst crime you've witnessed?
00:11:54Well, when I was young, this is boring, but when I was younger.
00:11:58What age?
00:11:59What's younger to you?
00:12:01What?
00:12:01What is younger to you?
00:12:03Well, okay, when I was, like, eight or nine, which isn't that much younger.
00:12:06But I saw two ladies fight at Disney World, and I'm pretty sure Disney World has different
00:12:11legal rules than the rest of the United States.
00:12:14Yeah, they're their own town.
00:12:15Yeah, it's their own politics, own government, own law.
00:12:20And it was a horrific fight, and I was eating a churro while it happened.
00:12:24So what was the, like, how bad did the fight get?
00:12:26Was there blood?
00:12:27Were there, like...
00:12:27Yes, there was blood.
00:12:29Because one of them scratched the other one with her acrylic nails.
00:12:32With her acrylic nails?
00:12:33So when you say acrylic nails, are you trying to tell us that these were two black girls?
00:12:37Is that what you're saying?
00:12:40They did have acrylic nails, but maybe that was the case, yes.
00:12:42Ah, okay.
00:12:44Okay.
00:12:44So, Alyssa, were they violently dragged out of Disney World?
00:12:52Excuse me?
00:12:53Were they violently dragged away by the Disney cops?
00:12:55Yeah, it was crazy.
00:12:58I want to know what they were fighting over.
00:13:00You don't know what they were fighting over?
00:13:02No, and I...
00:13:03What happens in Disney World, that could be that bad, honestly.
00:13:06Space in Disney World?
00:13:07Yeah.
00:13:08You just told us about it, so I don't think it does.
00:13:11Is she going to play the game?
00:13:12No!
00:13:14Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:13:15No.
00:13:16Alyssa, you want to play Snatch?
00:13:18I mean, you want to play Catcher Snatch?
00:13:20Yes.
00:13:21Yes.
00:13:23Okay, Alyssa.
00:13:23Um, okay.
00:13:25Hold on, let's get this...
00:13:27Let me get this one ready for you.
00:13:29I'm not sure if I like this.
00:13:31Well...
00:13:31I don't like this.
00:13:32That's all.
00:13:33Alyssa, have you ever touched yourself?
00:13:36You don't have to answer that.
00:13:38Why?
00:13:38She doesn't have to answer it.
00:13:39I can't say anything.
00:13:41You can't say anything?
00:13:42Are you at the dinner table?
00:13:44All right, Alyssa, is this a catch or a snatch?
00:13:50An ad just came up on Newsstream.
00:13:53Okay, what's the ad about?
00:13:56It's pretty appropriate.
00:13:57It's a Woolite commercial.
00:13:58A Woolite?
00:13:58Well, okay.
00:13:59Someone's looking out for you.
00:14:01Alyssa, what are you doing with your summer?
00:14:05If you're 15, you're probably not in school, right?
00:14:06So how do you spend your days?
00:14:08I don't spend days...
00:14:11Um...
00:14:12What did you do today, Alyssa?
00:14:16What?
00:14:16What did you do today?
00:14:18What did I do today?
00:14:20It's a Yankee.
00:14:21Oh, yeah, I went to a Yankee game.
00:14:24That sounds like you did something.
00:14:25Is the Woolite ad over?
00:14:28What?
00:14:28Is the Woolite ad over?
00:14:32I'd love you to play catch or snatch.
00:14:33Yes, it's over.
00:14:34Okay, here we go.
00:14:35Let's focus up, Alyssa.
00:14:36You're about to play catch or snatch.
00:14:38Okay.
00:14:38Is this a catch or a snatch?
00:14:46Don't Google and try and figure it out.
00:14:49Okay, I'm going to say it's a fish just to be safe because I don't know if I like this game.
00:14:53You're going to say it's a catch.
00:14:54I'm showing this to the panel.
00:14:56Catch or snatch?
00:14:57I'd say snatch.
00:14:59It's super zoomed in.
00:15:01It's like an illustration.
00:15:02Oh!
00:15:03It is a snatch.
00:15:04Uh-huh.
00:15:05Now, Alyssa, I'm going to quiz you, okay?
00:15:07Oh, it's upside down.
00:15:09Well, that's how I see mine, so...
00:15:10Okay.
00:15:11All right, I'm going to quiz you, Alyssa.
00:15:14Can you see this?
00:15:15Yes.
00:15:16All right.
00:15:17What is that right there?
00:15:20What is what?
00:15:22That right there.
00:15:23What is that?
00:15:24I...
00:15:25The worst crime you've ever witnessed being committed?
00:15:29The worst crime I ever witnessed, a bank robbery.
00:15:31Whoa!
00:15:32Bank robbery?
00:15:33Neil, that's intense.
00:15:34Damn.
00:15:34What?
00:15:35Tell us.
00:15:36Give us some details.
00:15:39Nice.
00:15:40Neil, are you witnessing a bank robbery right now?
00:15:46Neil is dead.
00:15:47Okay, Neil is dead.
00:15:51Party.
00:15:51All right, do we have another caller on the line?
00:15:56Yes.
00:15:57All right.
00:15:58Caller, what is your name?
00:15:59My name is Marcella.
00:16:01How are you?
00:16:02Marcella?
00:16:03Marcella.
00:16:04Marcella.
00:16:04Marcella.
00:16:06Marcella, thank you so much for calling in.
00:16:07Let me ask you, do you...
00:16:08Can you tell us about a...
00:16:10What's the worst crime that you witnessed being committed?
00:16:14Oh, well...
00:16:15The crime that I witnessed was my partner and I, one time, we were downtown in 14th Street.
00:16:24And we were coming out of the train station and this other gay man was beating up the other gay man.
00:16:31He was pushing him in the street.
00:16:33And so my partner and I, we looked at that and we were like, uh-uh.
00:16:36You know, that shouldn't be going on.
00:16:38And the other man was crying and he was on the ground.
00:16:42Wow.
00:16:42And he got up and was running in the street to get away from this man.
00:16:45So my girlfriend and I, we started calling the police up and my girlfriend ran over there
00:16:50and was helping the man who was on the ground.
00:16:53Me, I was like flagging the other man off.
00:16:55And then the next thing you noticed, it was like 10 other females that came there.
00:16:59Everybody was on their cell phone calling up the police.
00:17:02Gay on gay violence.
00:17:03So the women were taking control of the situation.
00:17:07Exactly.
00:17:08Exactly, Marcela.
00:17:09That's right.
00:17:10Exactly.
00:17:10But in the gay sense, wouldn't that equal out?
00:17:13You know what I mean?
00:17:13Why?
00:17:13What are you talking about?
00:17:14No, I'm not saying that.
00:17:15More masculine.
00:17:17Right?
00:17:18Don Finale, what is your problem?
00:17:19No, I don't really think that makes sense.
00:17:21You're saying that gay women are more masculine than gay men.
00:17:24Well, it takes more charge.
00:17:25No, you're not discriminating.
00:17:26Don Finale here doesn't understand that a woman can be in love with another woman and still be feminine.
00:17:32Feminine?
00:17:32Feminine.
00:17:33Nope, I do know that.
00:17:34They said a mass of women.
00:17:36Listen to Marcela.
00:17:37You wouldn't even know because we wear lipstick and we're very good looking women, you know?
00:17:42Oh, no, I believe it.
00:17:43Males is always, you know, attracted to us and always coming our way, whatever the case may be.
00:17:48My girlfriend and I chose to be together.
00:17:49We've been together a little over 14 years.
00:17:51That's wonderful.
00:17:52And we're career women.
00:17:54So we're more or less independent kind of thinking kind of people.
00:18:00And we're inclusive.
00:18:02Like, we believe in people that deserve equality and justice for all.
00:18:08Nice.
00:18:08And everybody has the right to live.
00:18:10Agreed.
00:18:10And everybody has the right to live safely.
00:18:13Agreed.
00:18:13Marcela, have you thought about marrying your partner now that gay marriage is legal in New York?
00:18:18Well, the reason why we wouldn't get married is because we don't have any children.
00:18:22And you see, what happens with that is that if you are getting, you know, individually, your taxes are high.
00:18:30So now, if you marry and you don't have any children, your taxes are high.
00:18:37Yes.
00:18:37So that doesn't benefit my partner and I, not really.
00:18:41But I'm happy that that passed.
00:18:44I'm really, I'm happy.
00:18:46That's great.
00:18:46Well, thank you so much for calling in.
00:18:48Appreciate it.
00:18:49Have a great night.
00:18:52Great.
00:18:52So let's check in with our makeup, with our makeover.
00:18:55I think I'm done.
00:18:57Oh, man.
00:18:57Jesse, can you take your glasses off for us so we can see everything?
00:19:01Let's go ahead and.
00:19:02Oh.
00:19:03Looks like a.
00:19:04Put the snatch right next to his face.
00:19:07Very pretty.
00:19:09Very pretty, Jesse.
00:19:10Looks just like it.
00:19:11Jesse, I'm going to say it looks like a baby with blood on its fingers.
00:19:15Scrape your chin.
00:19:16Am I a catch or a snatch?
00:19:19You are a snatch.
00:19:20I'm a snatch.
00:19:21All right.
00:19:22Good job, Bethany.
00:19:24We'll let you see that later.
00:19:25So let's go ahead and Fran, you're up next.
00:19:27So Jesse and Fran are going to switch places.
00:19:28And while they switch, we have a caller on the line.
00:19:32Caller, what's your name?
00:19:33Hey, how are you guys?
00:19:34Great.
00:19:35What's your name?
00:19:36Walter.
00:19:37Walter.
00:19:38Walter.
00:19:39Woo.
00:19:40Walter, how are you doing?
00:19:49I'm good.
00:19:50I'm good.
00:19:50How are you doing?
00:19:51You're doing a great job.
00:19:52Oh, thank you, Walter.
00:19:53I appreciate that.
00:19:55Now, Walter, do you want to play catch or snatch?
00:19:57Yeah, go ahead.
00:19:58Great, great, great, great, great, great.
00:19:59All right, Walter.
00:20:00So let's give you this next one.
00:20:02Let's figure out.
00:20:04Is this a catch or a snatch?
00:20:09Let me see.
00:20:13That is a catch.
00:20:17That's a catch?
00:20:18Think about it.
00:20:19Think about it.
00:20:19Think about it.
00:20:20Think about it.
00:20:20Let's show the panel real quick.
00:20:23Catch or snatch?
00:20:23I think that's a catch.
00:20:24I think that's a catch.
00:20:25I think it's a catch, too.
00:20:26It could be some kind of sea cucumber or something.
00:20:29Here we go.
00:20:30It is a catch.
00:20:32All right.
00:20:33Yeah.
00:20:34Good job, Walter.
00:20:35You know your snatch real well.
00:20:37Yeah, well, and it's kind of blurry, the picture.
00:20:40Well, yeah, it was a great guess.
00:20:43I mean, if you're down there and it's dark, it's hard to see.
00:20:45Right.
00:20:46You know what I'm saying?
00:20:46I was upset.
00:20:47I thought I missed the show.
00:20:48I couldn't be there, and it's actually only the small studio, so I'm happy about that.
00:20:53Oh, yeah.
00:20:53Watch from the comfort of your home.
00:20:56Walter, do you have a crime that you've witnessed in your life?
00:21:00No, not that I remember.
00:21:01All right.
00:21:02Not that you remember.
00:21:03No.
00:21:03Have you been blackout drunk, Walter?
00:21:05Huh?
00:21:05Have you been blackout drunk before?
00:21:08No.
00:21:09No, I always remember when I was drunk.
00:21:11You've always been.
00:21:12You're very responsible.
00:21:13Very responsible man.
00:21:14Yeah.
00:21:15Well, Walter, thank you for calling in.
00:21:18Yeah, I hope I'll see you guys next week, and you can break a leg.
00:21:23All right.
00:21:23Thank you, Walter.
00:21:24Thanks, Walter.
00:21:24Thank you, Walter.
00:21:25Bye, guys.
00:21:25Later, buddy.
00:21:26Walter's great.
00:21:26Walter is one of our, I think he's our number one fan.
00:21:30Number one and only fan.
00:21:31I think Alyssa's a fan of just Gethard.
00:21:34Right.
00:21:35But Walter loves the entire show.
00:21:36And comedy.
00:21:37Right.
00:21:37Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:21:38All right.
00:21:38We have a caller.
00:21:39You're all on the line with the Chris Gethard Show.
00:21:40What's your name?
00:21:42Hello?
00:21:43Yes, hello.
00:21:43What is your name?
00:21:45My name's Mike.
00:21:46Hi.
00:21:47Mike, hi.
00:21:48Hello.
00:21:48Do you have a crime that you've witnessed that you want to share with us?
00:21:52Um, nothing to, uh, like drinking.
00:21:59Nothing, but you broke up a little bit.
00:22:00Nothing worse than drinking.
00:22:03Yeah, uh, uh, that's really all I can, that come in your nine or ten.
00:22:07We just showed a moving image of a man that maybe you saw breaking into some cars.
00:22:12Okay.
00:22:13Is this the man on your screen right now?
00:22:15Is that the man that broke into, that you saw breaking into cars?
00:22:20What?
00:22:20I can relate to you guys.
00:22:23I'm so sorry.
00:22:25We have a criminal here in the studio.
00:22:30We have a lot of criminals.
00:22:31Basically, we're doing this call-in because a lot of us have committed crimes.
00:22:35And we want to see if anyone out there witnessed us doing the crimes.
00:22:39Right?
00:22:40Random Jean was wearing a male wig and sucking a guy's cock in front of a fire station.
00:22:43Oh, well, there definitely wasn't.
00:22:44I do not do that.
00:22:46Oh!
00:22:46I didn't know you were right there.
00:22:50Uh, well, Josh, uh, thank you for calling in.
00:22:55Do you want to play catch or snatch?
00:22:57Yes.
00:22:58Thank you so much.
00:22:59I'm sorry I might have bad reception.
00:23:01You guys are so entertaining.
00:23:02I love you guys.
00:23:03I'm glad this is my first time watching the show.
00:23:04I really appreciate it.
00:23:05Thanks.
00:23:05Thanks, Josh, for tuning in.
00:23:07You're great, man.
00:23:08Let's keep tuning in.
00:23:08All right, let's go to our next caller.
00:23:10Hello, you were on the Chris Gethardt Show.
00:23:11What's your name?
00:23:13This is Chris from New Jersey.
00:23:16Chris.
00:23:16From New Jersey.
00:23:17From New Jersey.
00:23:19Chris.
00:23:19Yeah.
00:23:20How's your day going, man?
00:23:22My day's going good, a little.
00:23:25Oh, you're breaking up.
00:23:26I'm going to, I want to guess what you just said, though.
00:23:28Awkward.
00:23:29Awkward.
00:23:30Let's go.
00:23:32Okay.
00:23:35Sorry, Chris, that call got a little awkward.
00:23:41Do you want to play catch or snatch?
00:23:44Yeah, I'll play catch or snatch.
00:23:46Okay.
00:23:46Let's play right now.
00:23:49Cool, cool, cool.
00:23:51So, all right.
00:23:53I think it's a catch or a snatch.
00:23:55Is this a catch or a snatch?
00:24:00Let's see.
00:24:01Okay.
00:24:02Let's take a good look at this.
00:24:03That's a snatch.
00:24:06I know a snatch.
00:24:07That's a glitch.
00:24:08You know a snatch when you see it.
00:24:10Okay.
00:24:10Let me show the panel real quick.
00:24:11Catch or snatch?
00:24:12Oh, that's a...
00:24:13That's a catch.
00:24:14That's a catch.
00:24:15All right.
00:24:16I think it's a catch.
00:24:17Snatch.
00:24:18Catch.
00:24:19All right.
00:24:19We've got a couple catches.
00:24:20Mainly, we've got snatch, and it is actually a raw duck.
00:24:24No doubt.
00:24:24That's a raw duck.
00:24:26Uncooked duck.
00:24:27So, everybody was wrong.
00:24:29Chris, thank you for playing catch or snatch.
00:24:31Fran thinks this is Gethardt.
00:24:32Oh, no problem.
00:24:32Also, this is Gethardt.
00:24:34Yep.
00:24:34Oh, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up.
00:24:36No, I'm just kidding.
00:24:36Don't hang up.
00:24:39Wow, I've got to say, Chris, you sounded really, really sad.
00:24:42Did you guys...
00:24:43Wait, am I being...
00:24:44I'm not on my own show.
00:24:45No, no, no, no.
00:24:46I'm not hanging up on you.
00:24:47I was kidding.
00:24:47I was kidding.
00:24:47I was kidding.
00:24:49Oh, okay.
00:24:50I feel like this call is not funny or good, but you probably should hang up.
00:24:53No, no, no.
00:24:54Don't hang up.
00:24:55Okay.
00:24:56Okay.
00:24:56We invited Alyssa to come down and get naked on camera.
00:25:02Alyssa, I heard the Alyssa call.
00:25:04We'll talk about the Alyssa call later.
00:25:06Well, it's not like I can get fired or anything.
00:25:09They were 15 years old.
00:25:13You have 15-year-olds that you encouraged to call, so we can do it what I can.
00:25:17Yeah, maybe we can catch a snatch.
00:25:18Yeah.
00:25:19She'd learn it in biology class anyway.
00:25:21See that diagram?
00:25:22That was something from my biology book when I was in 10th grade.
00:25:26Chris, do you want to tell us about a crime that you've witnessed, the worst crime you've
00:25:28witnessed?
00:25:30Yes, I saw a cop shot.
00:25:31I saw a cop shot and killed.
00:25:33Two cops shot and killed?
00:25:35Wow.
00:25:35Yeah.
00:25:36That's Sullivan Street in New York City.
00:25:39Who killed them?
00:25:41Some maniac wearing a fake mustache who works at a pizza store.
00:25:45Jesus.
00:25:46That was a big story a few years ago.
00:25:48Did you have to, like, testify and shit?
00:25:50No, I was in the building and heard all the shots and looked out the window and saw the
00:25:55cops dying on the ground.
00:25:57Oh, so you heard it, not witnessed it.
00:26:01Gene is out of control, Chris.
00:26:03Gene's got a lot of confidence when you're not around.
00:26:05She's talking a lot.
00:26:05When you're not around, Gene takes control of herself and talks a lot.
00:26:09I don't know if you've noticed.
00:26:11I don't even know random Gene.
00:26:13I know.
00:26:14I don't even know who that person is.
00:26:16Yeah, I know.
00:26:18Chris, how do you like my makeovers?
00:26:20What's that?
00:26:22How are my makeovers?
00:26:24They're good.
00:26:25George is by far the best one.
00:26:26George looks like a more attractive instrument of the Joker.
00:26:30Oh, hell yeah.
00:26:31Yay.
00:26:31I'm into that.
00:26:32Hey, Chris, how do I look, man?
00:26:34I'm not done yet.
00:26:35Your biceps are huge.
00:26:36Thanks, man.
00:26:37Oh, it sounds like an obvious joke.
00:26:40Oh.
00:26:42Obvious joke.
00:26:44Obvious joke.
00:26:44You've got to say that's an obvious joke.
00:26:47What was the obvious joke?
00:26:51Why did I get the obvious joke?
00:26:53Hey, Chris, do you want to play another catch or snatch?
00:26:56Yeah, but why did I get the obvious joke?
00:26:59I was calling.
00:27:00Obvious joke.
00:27:01Obvious joke.
00:27:03Congratulations on the obvious joke.
00:27:05I think you calling in is the obvious joke.
00:27:09Mm-hmm.
00:27:10Oh, my immediate existence.
00:27:12Okay.
00:27:12You want to play another catch or snatch?
00:27:15Yeah, sure.
00:27:16Okay.
00:27:17So, I only have a few left.
00:27:20So is this a catch or a snatch?
00:27:23Mm-hmm.
00:27:28Let's get a close-up.
00:27:31That's, uh...
00:27:33I don't think it's either.
00:27:34I think it's something else.
00:27:36I think that's a McDonald's hamburger held vertically.
00:27:40You think it's a McDonald's hamburger held vertically?
00:27:42I think that's a McDonald's hamburger held vertically.
00:27:44I think that's B. Arthur's lips.
00:27:46I think it's an old man's asshole.
00:27:48You think it's an old man's asshole?
00:27:50B. Arthur's lips.
00:27:51B. Arthur's lips.
00:27:52I think it's wet nylons.
00:27:53Wet nylons.
00:27:55What other guesses do we have?
00:27:56Ass crack?
00:27:57An ass crack.
00:27:58Banned?
00:27:59Fingers?
00:28:00I'm guessing human lips.
00:28:01Human lips.
00:28:02Snatch.
00:28:03Ladies and gentlemen, it is Chris Gethard himself.
00:28:05Oh!
00:28:07What's that?
00:28:08So I think human asshole was the closest one.
00:28:11Wait, let me see.
00:28:12Aw, that's mean.
00:28:15Jake's on the netbook.
00:28:16You know what happened?
00:28:17If you did, uh, human fish and mute the question.
00:28:19Oh, are you and Jake hanging out right now?
00:28:22No, Jake's all over Twitter, Sam.
00:28:23What happens if you give human fish that egg shaker?
00:28:26Oh, the egg shaker.
00:28:27Oh, the egg shaker.
00:28:28Well, we're about to give him a xylophone.
00:28:30Let's see what happens.
00:28:35Okay, I'm...
00:28:36Hey, Gene.
00:28:36I'm gonna go.
00:28:39See you guys later.
00:28:41Oh, see you, c***.
00:28:42Awkward ending.
00:28:43Well, let's let human fish do what he's supposed to do.
00:28:46Oh, he's got confused.
00:28:47He got confused.
00:28:48Keep coming.
00:28:48I think the Western 13-tone scale is confusing him.
00:28:53Oh, no.
00:28:55But it's like he's experienced it before.
00:28:57Mm-hmm.
00:28:57It's familiar to him.
00:28:59Yeah, it's from like a past life or something.
00:29:00It's not like he's learning, he's remembering.
00:29:02Mm-hmm.
00:29:02Yeah.
00:29:03I think he's trying to call somebody.
00:29:05Yeah.
00:29:06It's like E.T.
00:29:07Oh, maybe...
00:29:08Human fish.
00:29:08He's looking.
00:29:09He's looking for something.
00:29:09He expects something to happen right now.
00:29:11He's like a dolphin.
00:29:11You guys, human fish just...
00:29:13I'm probably not gonna be allowed back.
00:29:16I think I did a...
00:29:18I don't know.
00:29:18I think I offended him.
00:29:19I think you did all right.
00:29:20I think she did all right.
00:29:21Maybe I'll get my own show Wednesday at 11 on another network.
00:29:25So, thank you guys.
00:29:26Tune in next week.
00:29:26It's a lot of the end.
00:29:28Have a wonderful night.
00:29:29Human fish is dancing.
00:29:31Happy.
00:29:32Oh, happy.
00:29:33Woo!
00:29:35Very happy.
00:29:37Human fish go towards the camera.
00:29:42Wow.
00:29:49Yeah.
00:29:50Oh, thank you.
00:29:53Oh, human fish is bowing to me.
00:29:57He's never bowed to Chris Getter.
00:29:58Never bowed to Chris Getter.
00:30:00It's down to me.
00:30:02Take note, internet.
00:30:04Wow.
00:30:09Say goodbye to the live stream.
00:30:11Bye, live stream.
00:30:11Bye, live stream.
00:30:12Bye, live stream.
00:30:19Hey, everybody.
00:30:20Thanks for checking out episode six of the Chris Getter Show.
00:30:23As you can see there, it ended with the human fish bowing to Shannon and Shannon bragging
00:30:26about that, I don't care.
00:30:28I think that would be weird if the human fish did that to me.
00:30:31I'm not jealous.
00:30:32I don't know why he did that.
00:30:33I am jealous because I don't know why he did that, but I'm not too hung up on it.
00:30:39It's fine.
00:30:40Anyway, I hope that you've enjoyed watching the podcast.
00:30:42I hope you'll check out other episodes of ours if you haven't already.
00:30:46Tell your friends about it, Twitter, Facebook, whatever you can do to help spread the word.
00:30:51Word of mouth is really the only thing we got going for us advertising-wise, so anything
00:30:55you can do to help if you like the show, we appreciate.
00:30:57Go to www.thecrisgettertshow.com.
00:31:00You can learn what we're up to now.
00:31:01Watch our new episodes as they happen live there.
00:31:04Any info you need on the show, you should be able to get to it through that website.
00:31:07So check it out.
00:31:08Let us know what you think.
00:31:09Enjoy your day.
00:31:10Enjoy the podcast.
00:31:11Enjoy the show.
00:31:12Tell your friends.
00:31:13Have a good one.
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