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00:00Well, come take a ride, the weirdest guy know it's Monday night, but now here they go, the Chris Gathard Show, Chris Gathard Show, Chris Gathard Show, Chris Gathard Show, Chris Gathard Show.
00:26Hello, thank you all very much, welcome to the Chris Gathard Show, I'm your host Chris Gathard, I want to say hi to everybody watching on Manhattan Public Access, and everybody watching online at thechrisgethardshow.com, thank you all for checking it out, we have an exciting show, we're coming off, a lot of people liked our show last week with Jimmy McMillan, so we're hoping we come through and deliver another good one.
00:55I will say this is going to be a nerve-wracking show, an anxiety-inducing show, I'm already nervous, I already feel off my game, let me go ahead and introduce everybody though, I want to thank the LLC for playing us in, we got Mimi out, Mimi back there on the hula hoops.
01:13And then, across the table.
01:17It's bound to happen, I'm telling you Tom, you know Greg pretty well, it's going to happen, we're going to get in a fight at some point in this hour.
01:25Or, I could fix it.
01:27Because what you, what we have.
01:28A healer, I believe in the healing powers of the show.
01:30I want to fix the whole thing.
01:32And that's why you have volunteered tonight to give us, you are not trained in this, but you are going to serve as a family counselor.
01:37Yes, between the variety of siblings who are gathered here.
01:42So we'll start with the Gethard brothers, and then we have all our other siblings tonight, everybody's going to go over their problems that they have with each other.
01:48And we've also designed a number of physical activities.
01:52Yeah.
01:52That people can go through to maybe heal their wounds, get their aggression out.
01:55Yeah, yeah, kind of strengthen the bonds.
01:57Yes, yes, yes.
01:59I didn't sign off for this.
02:00No, almost no one did, almost no one did.
02:03I think we've got a caller online.
02:05Caller, welcome to the Gethard Show.
02:06How can we help you tonight?
02:10You're going to have to turn down your TV.
02:14You are...
02:14Excuse me?
02:19Who's this?
02:23Is this that same kid who called once before?
02:27I want to be here at the stand.
02:33So this kid, this kid calls sometimes.
02:36He really likes the human fish.
02:37So kid, what do you want to ask the human fish tonight?
02:39This kid, this kid calls sometimes.
02:41He really likes the human fish.
02:42So kid, what do you want to ask the human fish tonight?
02:45I want to say he was all about, he was, I see the two bananas.
02:54Oh, so you like the two bananas as well.
02:56That's good.
02:56That's good.
02:57So kid, anything else we can help you with tonight?
03:05I want the bananas to be at the human fish.
03:10You want the bananas to dance with the human fish?
03:13The bananas.
03:14Is that okay?
03:17Banana man and the girl haven't even spoken yet.
03:20What?
03:21No, you don't want that?
03:22Fine, the people will remain dissatisfied.
03:24What, no, you don't want that?
03:28Kid, you got to, as you get older, please, learning down your, turning down your TV, that
03:31will be a valuable life skill.
03:34Dance, dance, dance, dance.
03:37Dance, okay, let's get the human fish up front.
03:43Let's have some dance music for the bananas and the human fish.
03:46How long do they got to dance for, kid?
04:14Can they stop?
04:19Dad!
04:22All right.
04:23Dance, dance.
04:25Kid.
04:27All right.
04:29Well, kid, we got a lot of show to get to, so anything else you want to talk about tonight
04:33or can we move on?
04:34Well, kid, we got a lot of show to get to.
04:36Anything else you want to talk about tonight?
04:39Come on.
04:40Come on.
04:41No.
04:41What's with peanut butter and jelly?
04:45Peanut butter and jelly?
04:47Is that what you said?
04:47What's with peanut butter and jelly?
04:49I think that's a question for the fish.
04:51Peanut butter and jelly.
04:51Oh, peanut butter and jelly.
04:54Peanut butter.
04:55All right.
04:56Easy.
04:57Well, hey, thanks for the call, kid, but we got some families to heal, so we're going to
05:01have to say goodnight, okay?
05:02All right.
05:03Thanks for the call, people.
05:04We got some families to heal.
05:06So we're going to have to say goodnight.
05:08Good night.
05:09Good night.
05:14I think he is cute.
05:15He would be a lot...
05:16Can I say that 45-year-old man has an adorable voice?
05:20I think that kid would be even cuter if he turned down his TV.
05:23Yeah.
05:24I think he's calling from a group home.
05:26Yeah.
05:27So, Tom Sharpton, let's get into it.
05:29Let's heal the Gethard brothers first.
05:30We'll take the hit first, and then we'll sign one of these healing tests.
05:33Okay.
05:34Well, so the older brother is Greg.
05:37That's me.
05:37Yeah.
05:37By how many years?
05:39How old are you now?
05:40Look at that.
05:41Right there.
05:42I'm 31, so he's like two and a half, two years older.
05:46So when...
05:47Who got the comedy bug first?
05:49Well, here's the thing.
05:51Were you just going to get into it, honestly?
05:53Yeah, let's...
05:53Yeah, go for it.
05:54All right.
05:55Greg was the funny one growing up.
05:57Okay.
05:57I was the angry one.
05:58Yeah.
05:59The sullen one.
06:00Yeah.
06:00I was the one...
06:01All our parents' friends are like, oh, Chris does comedy now.
06:04And they're like, you mean Greg?
06:05Yeah.
06:06They're like, no.
06:08Yeah.
06:08There's some issues there.
06:09Yeah.
06:09Okay.
06:10No.
06:11No?
06:12No.
06:13No.
06:13I don't want your life.
06:15Okay.
06:16Okay.
06:17Already uncomfortable.
06:19Already uncomfortable.
06:20So, Greg, you were the funny one, but then you were not doing anything wrong.
06:23With the comedy?
06:25Well, I did a...
06:26And this guy, dude, came out of nowhere, started making America laugh?
06:29Well, I did comedy in college.
06:34I worked at the school library, my college library, and my main job was to put books back
06:40on the shelves.
06:41And I came across a book, which was called Daryl, The Life and Times of Daryl Strawberry,
06:46the autobiography of Daryl Strawberry.
06:48And I read it cover to cover, and I never performed anything, like I never did any of the
06:53school plays, like he did all that stuff.
06:55And I said, I'll say right there, I take that as a slight dig.
06:58Because he's saying you were just kind of, just the kind of school play.
07:01Doing musicals, dancing around, staying south.
07:03Well, you were also like the editor of the newspaper, president of the Junior Statesman
07:07of America.
07:08I was.
07:08I was like Max Fisher.
07:09You were like Max Fisher, whereas I was more like Lindsay Weir, but with a penis, obviously.
07:19But, so I decided I had to do a one-man play of this Daryl Strawberry autobiography.
07:24And when is this?
07:25This is...
07:261999.
07:27And I later stole that idea.
07:28He stole that idea.
07:29I asked for your permission.
07:30And he gave it to you.
07:31And he rewrote the idea.
07:32I encouraged you.
07:32I encouraged you.
07:33And your version was much better.
07:35But, but you, a tourist part, when we met Daryl Strawberry.
07:41It did.
07:42That was a major, there's been some major stumbling blocks.
07:45All right.
07:45We met Daryl Strawberry.
07:47We convinced him to come to the UCB Theater.
07:49Uh-huh.
07:49My brother blogged about it.
07:51It went viral.
07:52He was working upstairs at the, uh...
07:54At the fencing school, yeah.
07:56Yeah, yeah.
07:57He came with an epa in hand.
08:00We've had a number of riffs, blowouts, that are comedy related.
08:02Uh-huh.
08:03So, who...
08:04So, now all of a sudden, when you see your brother, the girl's on Landon, big jobs.
08:09He's on ESPN commercials.
08:10Huge job.
08:11He's getting a Comedy Central show.
08:12And you're just like, I was the funny one.
08:15No.
08:15What happened?
08:16I love it.
08:17And I, I will, I will say, there's no one more supportive of you than I.
08:22I, I talk you up constantly.
08:24Talk you up on the best show constantly.
08:27You are squeamish whenever I talk you up.
08:29I do get squeamish.
08:30Yeah.
08:30Uh-huh.
08:31And...
08:31I do.
08:32I do comedy in Philadelphia, amateur.
08:34I'm not looking to make money.
08:36Uh-huh.
08:36I like my job.
08:37I like my life.
08:38Yeah.
08:38I have a, uh, you came into...
08:40Well, this sounds like you're trying to just...
08:42Justify.
08:42...let yourself off the hook a little bit.
08:44Well, you can feel the tension, right?
08:46Oh, yeah, yeah.
08:46I'm in Philly.
08:47I'm fine over here.
08:49You're sure you're in New York doing your big show.
08:51I think we can...
08:52I just, I just ask you, Chris, how many times have you been on my basketball podcast?
08:57Yeah.
08:57How many times have you heard it once or twice?
09:00But I maintain that we need a separation.
09:04Mm-hmm.
09:04That my brother and I...
09:06Can we also all recognize...
09:07But you needed a separation when you needed the Daryl Strawberry idea.
09:10Suddenly it was about...
09:11Well...
09:12Suddenly you needed your brother.
09:13I'll take that hit.
09:14I'll take that hit.
09:15But I mean, there's other issues besides that.
09:17Can we all also recognize, first though, this is already 100 times more real and less comedic
09:22than we thought it was going to be.
09:23100 times more real.
09:26Do you feel like...
09:27No, it's made of raw.
09:28Oh, no, no, no.
09:29I feel like this is just kind of like...
09:30We're just kind of turning on the stove to give up some...
09:34We're making...
09:35Yeah, I mean, I feel like with the Daryl thing, I took my brother's idea, worked it
09:38out, said, can I take that idea, rewrite it?
09:40And I was fine with it?
09:41There's been other...
09:41There's been other rifts along the way.
09:44Even on...
09:45There was a recent fight we had based on the friendsoftom.com message board.
09:48I don't know how aware you are of that.
09:50I have no idea about this.
09:51Can I air this one?
09:53Go right ahead.
09:53My brother on this message board, he's trying to be your protege.
09:57You had to run a contest.
09:58Yes.
09:58I failed miserably.
09:59Because it ain't even a contest you can vote on.
10:01There's not an official voting.
10:03It's all speculative.
10:04None of it was real.
10:05Yes.
10:06Which is why it hurts my feelings.
10:07Someone goes on there and goes, I'm not going to vote for anybody who's got a famous
10:10brother.
10:11Already I'm insecure because I'm far from famous.
10:13I do public access TV.
10:16My brother...
10:16You didn't even do that then.
10:17I hadn't even done that yet.
10:18Okay.
10:19I had done a sitcom that failed almost immediately, which is a private matter of one that I can
10:24speak on.
10:25Why I was so shocked to read my brother post on friendsoftom.com.
10:29Is my brother really famous?
10:31He had a sitcom that failed, one line in a Will Ferrell movie, and is perhaps most notorious
10:37for bothering Diddy on Twitter.
10:40And I'm like, I got my brother throwing me under the bus for a contest that you can't
10:45even actually vote on.
10:46I asked you, though, what did I say was false?
10:50But you don't air it.
10:51You don't air it.
10:52Right there.
10:54Right there.
10:55There's my issues in a nutshell.
10:57True or false, Mike D?
10:58True, man.
11:00That's our old friend.
11:01He mediates our fights.
11:05He's probably here tonight because he knows I'll have to reference this when we fight.
11:07We do want to get into one of these challenges here.
11:09Let's do it.
11:10What do you think will solve our problems most off of this list we have?
11:13Let's do the stomach punch.
11:18Let's just start off.
11:19So this is a thing called the stomach punch conundrum, and here's this challenge.
11:24I brainstormed these with our writers, J.D., Noah, and Drew.
11:27We ran them all past year.
11:29So, Greg, here's how this works.
11:30Bethany's holding a boxing glove.
11:32We have to decide.
11:33We have to decide which one of us will punch the other in the stomach, or if we want to
11:41stand together as brothers, we take 30 seconds from the infamous return of the Wiffleback
11:46gang.
11:46These two men with Wifflebacks will attack us.
11:49So do you want to punch me?
11:50Do you want me to punch you?
11:52Or do we want to take 30 seconds from these assholes with Wifflebacks?
11:55Well, as you know, I have a legendary right straight punch.
12:01You do.
12:01You do have a surprisingly strong right hook.
12:03Yeah.
12:04I beat up a kid at a campground once.
12:06You have knocked me clean unconscious with that punch.
12:08What you don't know is I've had severe diarrhea all day.
12:11I have as well.
12:12I also have.
12:13So I'd rather not punch you for fear I may kill you.
12:16I would rather not punch you.
12:17For fear I may poop on the stage.
12:20So you guys seem like you're ready to take the Wiffleback challenge.
12:23Yeah, we're going to get beaten.
12:24So we're allowed to run away.
12:26We have to stay in this general area as soon as the song starts running because it fucking
12:29hurts bad.
12:30Yeah.
12:30I told everyone I'm working with.
12:32I'll protect you.
12:32I'll protect you.
12:33I'll protect you.
12:34Get on that side.
12:35Go, go, go.
12:37Wiffleback gang.
12:38Wiffleback gang.
12:39Tell me are you ready for the Wiffleback gang.
12:41Wiffleback gang.
12:42Wiffleback gang.
12:43Wiffleback gang.
12:43Wiffleback gang.
12:55Wiffleback gang.
12:57Thank you, Wiffleback gang.
12:59I'm good to see you again.
13:00I'm good to see you again.
13:01No.
13:01Well, that was pretty bad.
13:02You got me right across the knuckles.
13:04We'll get you some ice.
13:05Oh, God.
13:06I feel better.
13:07How was that, Greg?
13:08It hurt.
13:09Okay.
13:10A lot.
13:12Let's go ahead and check the phone.
13:13Do we have any callers?
13:14I want to know how they perceive this so far.
13:16Caller, you're on the air.
13:17Welcome to the show.
13:18How can we help you?
13:19Hello?
13:20Yes, who's this?
13:21Hey, my name's Christy.
13:22Hey, Christy.
13:23So how can we help you tonight?
13:24I just want to tell you a story on how me and my sister got into a crazy fight about two years ago.
13:29Okay, I'm listening.
13:31So it wasn't this summer.
13:32It was last summer.
13:34I was 17.
13:35My sister was 23.
13:36And I guess I was annoyed for her for a few days.
13:38I don't remember why, but she was kind of getting on my nerves.
13:41And then one of those days, she asked me if I could find one of my old cameras.
13:46So I knew that I couldn't find the camera.
13:48It was lost for a really long time.
13:51And, uh, hold on.
13:53Okay, and, um...
13:55What just happened?
13:57Tommy's over.
13:58Hold on.
13:59The camera was lost for a long time.
14:01I knew I couldn't find it.
14:02So I was like, listen, I can't find it.
14:03I don't know where it is.
14:04She got really upset that I couldn't find it.
14:06I don't know why.
14:07But she went and she started, like, hitting me.
14:09Like, crazy.
14:10I guess she was having a bad day.
14:12She just wasn't having it.
14:13She started kind of hitting and attacking me.
14:15I was like, what the hell are you doing?
14:16Get off.
14:17And whatever.
14:18So she walked down the hallway, saw a flashlight, took the flashlight, came at me and started hitting me with it.
14:23I was like, what the hell are you doing?
14:24Get off of me.
14:25So I just pushed her off.
14:26I didn't find it.
14:27I didn't want to hurt her or anything.
14:28So whatever.
14:29So I was really mad.
14:31I was not talking to her for, like, days, okay?
14:33So now, cut to a week later.
14:36And I find her.
14:37She's in my room and she's trying to look for clothes, like borrowing my clothes.
14:40And I was like, what are you doing?
14:42And she's like, oh, I need to borrow something.
14:44I'm like, get out of my room.
14:45You're not borrowing anything.
14:46You're crazy.
14:47So, of course, we got upset at that.
14:49And she's like, I'm taking back every single thing I ever gave you.
14:52Like all the clothes and whatever.
14:53So she went through my closet and took all of my clothes out.
14:56And she took the hangers.
14:57So I was like, whatever.
14:58Take your clothes and get out.
14:59So she went in her room.
15:00She had a whole stack of clothes in her hand with my hangers.
15:03I was like, okay, cool.
15:05But I need my hangers back for my clothes.
15:06Is your fight your entire life?
15:08I'm sorry.
15:10Is your fight just your entire life?
15:11It's been a while, okay?
15:13It's like the biggest fight I've ever gotten to.
15:15So, whatever.
15:19She was really mad that I asked her to take my hangers back.
15:23She threw the clothes on my floor, on her floor.
15:26And she came.
15:27She kind of just charged at me.
15:29And she started hitting me again.
15:30So this time I was like, okay, I'm going to fight back.
15:32And we started, like, hitting each other, punching, like, scratching.
15:35We have to go.
15:37We have to.
15:38We got to cut to the end of this story, Christy.
15:40What?
15:41We got to jump to the end of this story.
15:44I'm sorry.
15:44No, it's okay.
15:46I'm nervous, too.
15:47That's really it.
15:48So we were just, it was a really bad fight.
15:49Like, we really had, we were bleeding.
15:51And it was just crazy.
15:52My brother had to come and separate us.
15:54And it was like a Jerry Springer episode.
15:56It was just really bad.
15:57I'm sorry you went through that.
15:59Are you and your sister doing better now?
16:00We are.
16:01About two days later, I texted her.
16:03Because I don't like fighting with people, like, holding grudge.
16:05So I texted her.
16:05And I sent this whole thing, like, apologizing and stuff.
16:08Good.
16:092011.
16:09We can feel through texts.
16:10That's good.
16:11Thank you for the call.
16:14Which sibling, who would like to go next?
16:18Who would like to air their issues and have Dr. Tom fix them up on the spot?
16:23We'll do it.
16:23You're looking right up.
16:24The Heinz brothers?
16:25Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:25Okay.
16:26So, Kevin and Juan, I've known you guys a while.
16:27You seem like pretty tight brothers.
16:29Yeah.
16:30We're pretty close.
16:31So when you have issues, what are they?
16:33Oh, God.
16:33I didn't know to prepare.
16:37What are your issues with me?
16:39What was your biggest fight, you guys?
16:42We're so emotionally repressed.
16:44We don't have a fight out loud.
16:45It's all passive-aggressive over years.
16:48Yeah.
16:49We just stew quietly and then never talk about it.
16:51I'm five years older than him.
16:53Yeah.
16:53I got into comedy first, I guess.
16:55Yes.
16:56But shortly after Kevin got into it.
16:57But have we even done anything?
17:00In comedy?
17:01Yeah.
17:01You're famous.
17:03Yeah.
17:03On the scale of us.
17:05There's slight jealousy issues.
17:06Maybe we shouldn't have gone because we don't have any emotional depth.
17:08I mean, you've always been a step ahead of me in that.
17:14You started a step ahead of me, a step before me, and you've kept that distance.
17:18Sometimes Kevin will come to me and be like, oh, somebody came over to me and was like,
17:21oh, where's Will?
17:22And he'll be mad at me because they asked him about me.
17:25Yeah.
17:25And I didn't have anything to do with it.
17:27Okay.
17:27Yeah.
17:28Is that an issue?
17:29No.
17:31Let's do the apology game.
17:33How about that?
17:33Okay.
17:34Bye-bye.
17:34The apology game.
17:36Now, here's how this works.
17:37You're both asked to write down.
17:39Oh, too repressed, guys.
17:41You ain't gonna like this.
17:42You'll be given paper, markers.
17:44You're gonna both be asked to write down.
17:46What is the worst thing you did to your sibling growing up?
17:49Okay.
17:49Okay.
17:50If they guess correctly, you'll have the chance to apologize on the air.
17:54I only need one sheet.
17:55If they are incorrect.
17:56I thought it might be good for a sibling.
17:59If your answers are incorrect and you don't even know what the worst thing you did was,
18:02you have to come forward and once again face off with the Wiffleback Gang.
18:06So I write down the worst thing I did to Kevin, he's gonna guess.
18:08Both of you write it down.
18:09Wait, I have to guess.
18:10I wasn't listening to the rules.
18:12Each of you write down.
18:13You write down what the worst thing you did to Will is.
18:16Will, you write down what the worst thing you did to Kevin is.
18:18Sorry about this, Tom.
18:19Okay.
18:20Oh, I'm not the one who's gonna get beat with bats.
18:22I would say this is by far our most tense show in the 20-episode history of the Chris Gethardt show.
18:31Can I say while I'm watching, I'm noticing the human fish is becoming a lot more human.
18:35Wow.
18:36Wow.
18:36His mannerisms are more human.
18:38He gets impatient with collars now.
18:40He's learning from all the human emotions.
18:43Yeah.
18:44Like that Planet of the Apes movie.
18:45Yeah.
18:46Yes.
18:47You are Caesar.
18:48Caesar is home.
18:50Random Andrew, how are you doing tonight?
18:51I'm good.
18:52You know, Random Andrew, you are allowed to talk.
18:54Yeah, but the siblings are talking.
18:56That's true.
18:57Now, here's the thing.
18:58Yeah.
18:58When Random Andrew first appeared, Greg Gethardt tweeted,
19:01Yeah, we had a rivalry.
19:02I want to choke this person to death.
19:03He was the first person to tweet mean shit about me.
19:07Yeah.
19:08Nice.
19:08Well, I was pulling for, I'm going to be honest, I was pulling for Random George.
19:12The masked man.
19:13Yeah, the masked lunatic who, because I, if I'm going to see a tragedy I want to unfold
19:18in your comedy show.
19:19That's true.
19:20I thought he was going to kill people.
19:24So, Heinz Brothers, so Will, what do you think the worst thing Kevin did was?
19:27All right, you skipped my college graduation.
19:32Okay.
19:33So, Kevin's on the hook.
19:40We've honestly never mentioned that to him.
19:45I never said anything to him.
19:46That's really weird that you wrote that down.
19:48That makes me feel good.
19:49You've been feeling guilt about that for a hundred years.
19:51Kevin knew what he had to apologize for.
19:53Kevin's off the hook.
19:53So, Will, if you get it right, you're off the hook as well.
19:55If not, you're up alone against the hook.
19:57All right.
19:58Okay.
19:59So, now I guess what the song is.
20:00Yeah.
20:01Will accused me of being an alcoholic when I was with Trump once, on one night.
20:07That's right.
20:08That's better than mine.
20:11Did you say, Will?
20:12I let Mike Merritt make fun of you all through high school, when I was in high school.
20:15Yeah.
20:15My best friend used to mercilessly make fun of him, and I just let it happen.
20:18Okay.
20:19I thought that was worse.
20:20So.
20:20But the alcoholic thing was bad, too.
20:22Now, do you feel better, Will, knowing that Kevin has felt pain about the punishment?
20:27Yeah, I do.
20:28And I also feel bad that I, that wasn't even on my radar.
20:31All right.
20:32Will, I'm sorry, but you have to face off with the Wiffleback gang.
20:35Let's get you forward.
20:36You'll take your benefits.
20:37Is that the punishment for all contests?
20:39No, there are many other punishments.
20:41But, Kevin, what do I do now?
20:42Oh, my God.
20:43There's two of them.
20:44You basically have to just try to dodge them.
20:46You guys feel bad about this?
20:47I know both of you.
20:50It hurts really bad, Will.
20:51Does it really?
20:52It's horrible.
20:52It's my defense.
20:53Wiffleback gang.
20:56Wiffleback gang.
20:57Wiffleback gang.
20:58Wiffleback gang.
20:59Gonna get a beating from the Wiffleback gang.
21:02Yeah.
21:04All right.
21:06Thank you, Wiffleback gang.
21:07Thank you, Will.
21:11I think, uh,
21:12Kevin, does that make you feel better?
21:15Uh, watching him get hit by a Wiffleback.
21:17Does that make you feel like,
21:18call that an alcoholic?
21:19Uh.
21:20Uh.
21:22Yeah.
21:23Sure.
21:23All right.
21:24It's all fixed.
21:25Wonderful.
21:25We've got two other sibling sets,
21:27but we'll get to them a little later, right?
21:28Because right now,
21:29I want to welcome some very special guests.
21:32Uh,
21:32very psyched to have them.
21:34I'm from Jersey.
21:35Greg's from Jersey.
21:36Sharpling is a real Jersey guy.
21:38And these guys are straight out of there, too.
21:40From Asbury Park, New Jersey.
21:41Very, very excited to welcome.
21:43Get up on your feet and dance.
21:44Let's welcome
21:45Brick and Mortar!
25:37Brick and Mortar, ladies and gentlemen.
25:41Wonderful.
25:42Go to brmr.net.
25:44Check out Brick and Mortar.
25:47That was awesome.
25:47We'll hear more from those guys later.
25:49Let's everybody grab our seats.
25:50In the meantime, we're going to go to a video.
25:53I believe there's another one that Keith and Rob made, right?
25:56Last week, Keith and Rob debuted a video called Tuck Cutters.
25:59Let's go ahead and see what they have for us this week.
26:01Have you seen my brother Rob anywhere?
26:08I don't think so.
26:10Have you guys seen Rob?
26:12Have you seen Rob?
26:15Rude.
26:16Rude New Yorker.
26:17Have you guys seen my brother Rob?
26:19Yeah, he's right on the corner, actually.
26:20Thank you so much.
26:21Yeah, he looks good today.
26:23He always looks good.
26:26Rob!
26:27My brother Rob!
26:28Oh, man, I'm sorry, brother.
26:29I miss you so much.
26:30Oh, I'm sorry, man.
26:40You look good.
26:41You look good.
26:42You always look good.
26:43I'm sorry, man.
26:44Are we going to eat hummus or what?
26:45What?
26:45Are we going to eat hummus or what?
26:46Yeah, let's get some hummus.
26:53Hummus.
26:55Do you like hummus?
26:58Oh, we're brothers.
26:59That's what brothers do.
27:00Our older brother Rick sort of goes both ways.
27:05Sibling.
27:06Siblings.
27:07Only child.
27:09Siblings.
27:11Sibling.
27:11Sibling.
27:12Tom, though.
27:13I think, Noah, what should we do?
27:14Our final sibling rivalry?
27:16Should we get them?
27:17All right, and then we'll see how many people can loop back around.
27:19So, Banana Man, Banana Girl, welcome to the show.
27:22Banana Man, you've been here many times.
27:23Banana Girl, this is not only your first time on the panel.
27:25It's your first time at the show, I believe, right?
27:27Yes.
27:27Welcome.
27:28And we should know, just because you guys are wearing banana outfits, you are actual brother
27:31and sister.
27:32We are blood relatives, yeah.
27:33All right, thank you for being here.
27:35How can we help you guys tonight?
27:38Do you guys, first of all, do you guys have cell phones with you?
27:41Yes.
27:41No.
27:42Well, no?
27:43Okay, so that one doesn't work.
27:44Text message challenge.
27:46Where you get to send a text from the other's phone without saying what it is.
27:50Or who it's due.
27:50Yes.
27:51Oh, God.
27:52Lucky.
27:53Lucky.
27:55You guys have your phone.
27:56My phone.
27:56You might want to get your phones right now.
27:57Right before the show, serendipitously.
27:59So, what's the age dynamic between you guys?
28:02Seven years.
28:03Seven years?
28:04Okay.
28:04Okay.
28:04You guys get along all right?
28:06Yeah.
28:07Is there something you want to tell your brother?
28:10Something I want to tell him?
28:11Yeah, that you've never told him.
28:12Even if it's something nice.
28:14Well, I wouldn't say anything mean.
28:16Okay.
28:18What's the dynamic?
28:19Like, do you guys share a lot?
28:21Or are you kind of reserved?
28:23We're very, I'm reserved.
28:24Okay.
28:24He's not so reserved.
28:26Okay.
28:27He's the one who shows up in the banana.
28:29So, the dynamic is, right.
28:30She's doing me a favor.
28:31You're both kind of not that reserved if you're wearing banana costumes.
28:34This is my first time in a banana costume.
28:35Okay.
28:40So, our brother and sister-in-law wore these to a party, which is why they're covered in wine stains.
28:47Okay.
28:47So, is there something you want to tell each other?
28:51Let's make this a nice one.
28:52It's hard to pick on people.
28:54The confession reminded me, I would like to apologize for mooning your friend, Allison.
28:59When we were kids.
29:00Jamie.
29:01Or Jamie.
29:01Okay.
29:01So, you do remember the incident?
29:04I do.
29:05Well, he was very, I mean, he's white now.
29:07But when he was a kid, he was really, it was like blinding.
29:11Wow.
29:12Like, the mooning was, I can picture it.
29:15I don't want to.
29:16What brought the mooning about?
29:17Uh, I just went through a phase.
29:20No.
29:22I think everyone goes through that phase.
29:24Not everyone.
29:25But do you want to say something?
29:30Do you want to apologize to your sister for mooning her friend?
29:32Yeah, sorry for mooning Jamie.
29:34That was wrong.
29:35We should call Jamie, but...
29:37Jamie?
29:38Tierney?
29:38All right.
29:41Why don't you guys hug and say you love each other?
29:44Love you, Susan.
29:45All right.
29:46Susan, we now know Banana Girl's real name.
29:49Who's who?
29:49Who's the hug?
29:52I'm going to call an audible.
29:53We got one other pair of siblings, and this is not planned, and I don't know who these people
29:56are.
29:56Is that okay?
29:57No, Andrew, do we have time for something?
29:58Sure.
29:59Yeah.
29:59Can we get the Spider-Man up here?
30:01Yeah!
30:01Yeah!
30:01Yeah!
30:02Yeah!
30:02Yeah!
30:02Yeah!
30:02Yeah!
30:03Yeah!
30:03Yeah!
30:03Yeah!
30:03Yeah!
30:03Yeah!
30:03Yeah!
30:04Yeah!
30:05Yeah!
30:05Yeah!
30:05Yeah!
30:05Yeah!
30:08Guys, you guys can just walk right up here up front.
30:11One of them can't see.
30:12So, I don't know who you guys are.
30:13I could know you.
30:14I don't.
30:14First time.
30:15Which one's George?
30:15Your first time's on here.
30:17All right.
30:17Welcome to the show.
30:18Spider-Man.
30:19Spider-Man.
30:20You're assholes on the microphone.
30:21No!
30:22Sorry!
30:23Sorry!
30:24So, Spider-Man, I assume you guys are siblings in...
30:27Oh!
30:28Sorry, man!
30:29Oh!
30:30No, I don't.
30:30Thank you!
30:32But it must speak to me that I thought you were criticizing him when you were...
30:35That's my whole problem, right?
30:37Yeah.
30:37Because I'm kind of a dick.
30:39Yeah.
30:39Sometimes.
30:39Yeah, you...
30:40Yeah.
30:41Like this Christmas, you just stayed in your room.
30:44You didn't hang out with us at all.
30:46Well, I also struggle with depression.
30:49That's a fair point.
30:51That's a fair point.
30:52But I don't...
30:53Does your brother...
30:54Greg, do you help your brother with his...
30:57You know he's crippled by depression, right?
31:00That's true.
31:01Well, Shannon's laughing because she knows how true it is.
31:03Yeah.
31:04I think I do.
31:05He is.
31:06Greg is someone I turn to often in a sense.
31:07I'm crippled with mania.
31:09That's true.
31:10So kind of...
31:11How do you help him with that mania?
31:13I feel like...
31:14Can I first say, I feel like a lot of the tables are being turned on me right now more than the
31:18regulator.
31:18No, I'm just asking...
31:18But no, he...
31:19Greg could have said that he doesn't help you with the depression.
31:22Well, I will say this.
31:23Greg, I think, started...
31:25You started getting treated for your stuff after you were married more often.
31:29Yeah.
31:29You got more heavy into it.
31:30So his wife has been more of a factor.
31:32And I feel like I leaned on him.
31:34I was very, very much alone when I started.
31:37Yeah, you didn't have a lot of people.
31:37So I would say I haven't helped him as much.
31:39But I would also say you have a support system in place that reaches you before I get involved.
31:44I have someone I live with who sees me when I am rampaging around the house.
31:50Although there have been times where you've called me.
31:52Yeah.
31:52And I'd like to think I've been there.
31:53Yeah.
31:54But it has been...
31:54Would you say, was he there?
31:56Oh, yeah, yeah.
31:57He's there.
31:57If I'm up at four in the morning for the ninth night in a row, he's there to pick up the
32:02What's the one thing that you want to say to your brother, Greg, that you want to get
32:06off your chest to say, Chris, I've been meaning to tell you this.
32:11Yeah, Chris, we don't say enough to each other, but, you know, man, I really love you.
32:17All right, man, I love you too.
32:20How about you?
32:25What do you want to say?
32:26Okay, are we going to be totally real?
32:27After that.
32:27After that, I get...
32:28After that double cross.
32:30He does that.
32:30He does have a good sense of humor.
32:31Yeah, yeah.
32:32I will say this.
32:33Oh, God.
32:34Let's see.
32:35Because there's some heavy shit.
32:36I will say, I don't know how...
32:40I mean, should we just go totally real?
32:42I'll say this.
32:42When we were young, I think you took it on the chin from some of the kids in our neighborhood.
32:46Yeah, I did.
32:47And I think I stepped up a bunch, but I think I got sort of...
32:50I think I sort of got tired of that and defended you early, but I was younger, and I think
32:55I resented that and sometimes sort of let you hang, and I always have felt very guilty
33:00about that.
33:01Sometimes you were on your own, and I don't think you needed to be, because I should have
33:03been there.
33:04Uh...
33:05Ow!
33:06Ew.
33:07Yeah, ew.
33:07Man!
33:08Woo!
33:09It does hurt.
33:10We do that every time something gets actually emotional.
33:13Yeah, we're going to shock each other.
33:14Yeah.
33:15Yeah.
33:15But, um...
33:17Yeah, no, I just...
33:18I would agree with that.
33:20We, uh...
33:21You know, I took it on the chin.
33:23I was very kind of reserved with things, and you've always been very aggressive.
33:27I was a fighter.
33:28Yeah, I'm very...
33:29I fought.
33:29You didn't fight.
33:29Yeah, no, I'm very passive with that.
33:31I kind of more just hold myself up and played video games.
33:37And it's funny now, because I was passive then, but you're the Smiths fan now.
33:42Ouch.
33:43Yeah.
33:44Ouch.
33:44Nailed me.
33:45Okay.
33:46Ladies and gentlemen, we want to welcome them back to the stage.
33:49They rocked it last time.
33:49Let's get up.
33:50Let's go crazy for these guys from Asbury Park, New Jersey.
33:53BRMR.net.
33:54Welcome, Rick and Mortar!
33:56Hey!
34:01Hey!
34:03Hey!
34:04Hey!
34:06Hey!
34:07Hey!
34:08Hey!
34:15Yeah, this is a departure.
34:16Yeah.
34:17This is a departure.
34:20This is a departure.
34:25I got a 20 pound way to play in my house
34:55Thanks to you, thanks to you
34:57I got 47 bucks for you to be at
35:01Thanks to you, thanks to you
35:03I got a 20 pound way to play in my house
35:07I got 47 bucks for you to be at
35:10I got a $60 ticket and a $20 bill
35:13I got $7 for a $7 buffet
35:16Hey! Hey! Hey!
35:21I got numbing love in a paper brown bag
35:25Sit and pop my bed where I rest my head
35:28I got 20 cigarettes in a little red box
35:31Sit and pop my bed where I rest my night
35:34Thanks to you
35:35Thanks to you
35:38Thanks to you
35:41To be yours
35:44Big car site
35:47Everybody come up real close
35:49One, two, three, four
35:59Hey! Hey!
36:10Hey! Hey!
36:15Hey!
36:17Hey! Hey!
36:23Great, sometimes great, it's my own, it's not me, it's not, sometimes great, sometimes great, sometimes great, hey!
36:36I got a twenty-pound wedding wedding in my head, I got a forty-seven-dollar wedding, I got a sixty-dollar ticket and a twenty-dollar gift, I got a seven-dollar gift, a seven-dollar gift, I got a drumming up in a paper-brown bag, sitting by my bed where I rest my head.
37:06I got a twenty-figurette and a little red bar, sitting by my bed where I rest my head, thanks to you.
37:36I got twenty-pound wedding wedding games my head, I got forty-seven-dollar wedding, seven-dollar gift, I got a sixty-dollar gift, I got a twenty-dollar gift, just seven-dollar gift, my fifty-year-old birthday.
37:51Brick and Mortar!
37:56Brick and Mortar, ladies and gentlemen.
38:00Fantastic.
38:01Go to brmr.net.
38:03You can find out all the info you need on Brick and Mortar.
38:06Download stuff, get their new single.
38:08Great job.
38:09Thank you guys for being here.
38:10That was awesome.
38:11So we've only got a couple minutes left.
38:13So what's the game plan here, do you think?
38:16Is there time for one more or two more segments?
38:18I would like to think if we hurry, we might be able to get two in.
38:21Okay, do you want to do the mystery cups real fast?
38:24Mystery cups would be good.
38:25Who do you want to do that?
38:28Let's have the Heinz brothers.
38:32Here's the mystery cups.
38:34We have three cups.
38:35And you have options.
38:38It's a trust thing.
38:40Will, let's say you're going to be blindfolded.
38:43You can either let Kevin pick a cup.
38:45One cup is full of water.
38:47One cup is full of castor oil, a well-known laxative.
38:50So you can trust your brother to give you the water.
38:54Or you might know that he's on a comedy show, wants to be funny, wants to feed you that laxative.
38:58Or if you don't want to get blindfolded, you can just drink hot sauce,
39:01which you know is horrible, but not as horrible as castor oil.
39:05I'll take the blindfold.
39:06Wow.
39:08Trusting Kevin.
39:10It's mixed with water.
39:11It should only give you slight diarrhea about four or five hours from now.
39:16So Will has that blindfolded on.
39:18So Bethany.
39:19Fish.
39:19Let's, uh, Bethany, come on camera here.
39:22Okay.
39:22Which one has the water?
39:24This one has the water.
39:26Okay.
39:26Which one has the oil?
39:28This one has the oil.
39:29Okay, Kevin, which one are you going to pick?
39:30Geez.
39:31Let's see them both.
39:33Water.
39:34Don't mix those up.
39:35All right.
39:36Okay.
39:37I may have actually dumped this in all three cups.
39:42Let's do it.
39:45I feel like, uh, if I'm nice, it's sort of boring, right?
39:48Uh-oh.
39:49Great question.
39:51He called you an alcoholic.
39:53Which one is it?
39:53I don't know which one that is.
39:54I don't know.
39:56Yeah, nobody in the audience kept track.
39:59Who can find out?
40:00That's the water.
40:02That's the, it's got to be the water, unless Will just wants diarrhea.
40:06Water?
40:07Yeah.
40:07You guys are good brothers.
40:09Good brothers.
40:10The audience looked too similar.
40:12Yes.
40:12I suggested doing castor oil, and they all looked at me like I was a bad person.
40:15Trust was earned.
40:17Well done, brothers.
40:18I'm going to be killed.
40:19All right.
40:19Would you have drank the hot sauce?
40:22Or would you have given me the laxative?
40:24Let's find out.
40:25I can make another.
40:25No, no.
40:27That's okay.
40:28Yeah, I don't know what I would do.
40:31Yeah.
40:31Because, I mean, I love diarrhea.
40:33Yeah, that's true.
40:33Like, especially when other people have it in front of me.
40:37So, Tom, you said you wanted to get to one more, maybe?
40:39One more thing with you guys.
40:41Okay.
40:41Because you really have been here primarily to heal the Gethard brothers tonight.
40:44I feel better.
40:46Why don't you guys stand up?
40:47Okay.
40:47Okay.
40:48Okay.
40:48I want you guys, you, Chris, tell Greg the best thing about him.
40:57Best taste, I know.
40:58Best taste in music, best taste in comedy.
41:00Oh, anything cool I ever found out about as a kid, including WFMU radio.
41:05From your big brother.
41:06Greg Gethard introduced me to.
41:07Fact.
41:08Fact.
41:09Greg, do the same thing for Chris.
41:10Hardest working, most ambitious person I know.
41:13No one has more of a work ethic than this guy.
41:16I see firsthand how much he puts into doing this show.
41:19Everything else he does.
41:20This dude does not sleep.
41:22All right.
41:23Aw.
41:26Thank you, Tom.
41:27Tell your brother.
41:29Tell your brother.
41:30I love you, man.
41:31I love you, man.
41:31All right.
41:32There you go.
41:33Thank you, Tom.
41:34Thank you, Tom.
41:35Thank you, Tom.
41:35Thank you, Tom.
41:38All right.
41:39Well, I feel great.
41:40Do any of our sibling pairings have anything else they want to say to each other?
41:42Get off the chest.
41:44Bananas?
41:45Bananas?
41:45Anything you want to...
41:46I'm looking at you, bananas.
41:47I'm glad we finally settled that.
41:49Mooning glazers.
41:50Sorry that we brought up the, uh, later incident.
41:55You feel good?
41:57I feel good.
41:58Human fish, what's on your mind at the end of this very heartwarming episode?
42:03Just the brass donkey.
42:06Whoa, whoa.
42:07What is that telling us?
42:08Is that your brother?
42:10Human fish, that brass donkey head is your brother?
42:13We learn something new about the human fish every single week.
42:17I want to thank everybody for being here.
42:18Bananas.
42:19Hi, brother.
42:21Tom Shuttling.
42:22Ladies and gentlemen.
42:23Rick a porter.
42:25Thank you guys so much for your support.
42:27We'll see you next time.
42:28This is a weird one.
42:29It's a tense one, but we loved it.
42:30We love you guys.
42:32Thank you for checking it out.
43:08Thank you so much.
43:35Have a great night.
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