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00:004, 3, 2, 1, 1, 2, 3, 4
00:05Come take a ride, we just got a note
00:18Well it's Wednesday night, and now you need to go
00:23Chris Gethard Show, Chris Gethard Show, Chris Gethard Show, Chris Gethard Show
00:32Hello everybody, my name is Chris Gethard, welcome to the Chris Gethard Show
00:37Thank you
00:40Not as long as last week, not as good as last week
00:53What do you think, I had to beg for it
00:59You can't ask for it
00:59I know, I didn't want that to happen, I was really genuinely sad
01:02It is, so everyone's subdued
01:05Thank you guys all for watching, thanks for tuning in on MNN Live in Manhattan
01:10We're happy to have you guys here
01:10Thanks for tuning in on our stream at thechrisgethardshow.com
01:13We want to thank everybody who's in our live audience tonight
01:15Mimi already thrown down with the hula hoops, super psyched to have you here
01:18We have a great show for you tonight, psyched to do it
01:22We'll also see what happens, because we've got a lot of crazy stuff happening already in this studio
01:28But who would I have sitting next to me but my old friend, Shannon O'Neill
01:31Welcome back to the show
01:32I got my buddy, Bethany Hall, here as always, seeming more cheerful than ever
01:39The LLC playing us in, the greatest band in public access television
01:45I would go so far as to say the greatest house band in public access television
01:50And I think that's an honor, right?
01:51Yeah
01:52We got Random Jean, the random girl who joined us after our second show
01:56Random Jean, you mysteriously, you're usually here at like 9.15
02:00Yeah
02:01You showed up at the last minute, is everything okay?
02:03Everything is fine, actually
02:05Jean, I will say, when you cut it close, you only showed up a couple minutes ago
02:08Yeah
02:08I said, if Random Jean isn't here, she's almost definitely dead
02:12I was really worried
02:16I was, we all were worried about you
02:18When people realized you weren't here, there was a very mass concern about your whereabouts and well-being
02:23So that should make you feel good
02:24As always, we got the man from the sea figuring out this world of men
02:29Ladies and gentlemen, the human fish
02:32What's he thinking?
02:40Human fish, human fish, human fish
02:45So mysterious
02:47Human fish
02:49So human fish, we know you're always trying to sort out this world of men as you encounter things
02:55So what's on your mind right now?
02:58Sam Kinison
02:59Versus Sam Rockwell
03:03Sam Kinison versus Sam Rockwell
03:05Great battle
03:06Great comedian, great actor
03:08Sam Kinison is the 80s stand-up
03:11Sam Rockwell's a great actor
03:12Who wins?
03:15Sam Kinison
03:16I thought so too
03:17I think that's good
03:18That's good
03:18We have a new feature tonight, ladies and gentlemen
03:21Our writer, producer, great friend of the show, Noah Foreman
03:24He's not here tonight
03:25He's up in New England with his family
03:27But he is on this monitor
03:28Adjusting everything this screen says
03:30So throughout the night, just keep your eye on this
03:32There you go
03:33Noah's saying hello
03:34So he'll be sending random messages
03:35Letting us know how he thinks it's going
03:37And we'll see it there
03:38You'll notice some empty seats
03:39Next to Shannon O'Neill
03:41It's because the last member of our panel
03:43Has yet to join us tonight
03:45He's here
03:45He is here, but hold on one second
03:47Because I want to explain something
03:48I didn't tell this guy what this show is about tonight
03:51Because my friend Don Finelli
03:53Is one of my best friends in the whole world
03:54He's the handsomest man from Hackensack, New Jersey
03:56He's the big bad buck of Berger County, New Jersey
03:59They call him the bruiser
04:00He's the man of many nicknames
04:01It's his birthday today
04:02I told him we might do something for your birthday
04:04What he doesn't know is this is the Don Finelli birthday show
04:07So everybody, welcome to the stage
04:09Don Finelli
04:10How are you?
04:15How's it going?
04:16I'm glad you're here
04:17All right, so Don
04:25Did word get to you that this show is all about you and your birthday tonight?
04:31Nope
04:31Okay, so we'll see what happens
04:33So first of all, if you're out there
04:34And you're watching, the numbers should already be on your screen
04:36Call up, we want to hear your thoughts and opinions on Don Finelli
04:40Why he's a great guy?
04:40Because I think he is a great guy
04:41Also, tell us about your best birthday
04:44Your worst birthday
04:45Like my worst birthday?
04:46Third grade
04:47All right
04:47I went to public school
04:48My parents both went to Catholic school
04:50Right
04:50My school was largely Jewish
04:51But my parents only knew Catholics
04:53And didn't know
04:54Right
04:54That right around my birthday was when all the Jewish kids went to summer camp
04:57So I had a birthday party where everybody was invited
04:59Two people showed up
05:00Because every kid from my school went to summer camp
05:02Like the day before my birthday party
05:04Who were those two kids?
05:04Were they even your friends?
05:05One was another Catholic kid
05:06Look at that!
05:08Noah Foreman sending the picture
05:10Great, thanks Noah
05:10So if you have a tragic birthday tale
05:13Or a tale of a particularly good birthday
05:14Call up, let us know
05:16You can ask the human fish what's on his mind
05:17You can let us know your opinions
05:18On Mr. Don Finelli
05:20You've got thick your neck
05:21You've got such a thick neck
05:22But I want to go ahead
05:24Let's bring up
05:25We have Don
05:25We have a lot of presents for you
05:26A lot of your friends
05:27And a lot of random people
05:28Show them presents
05:28Where is Jackie Jennings?
05:30Let's get Jackie Jennings out here
05:31I'll say Jackie
05:36Oh, I shot myself
05:39Jackie, are you on the panel?
05:42Yeah, let's do that
05:43Well, we've got an empty chair on the panel
05:45So Jackie, Don, everybody knows you're an actor
05:47And you're a great actor
05:49But Jackie had an idea for a gift
05:51So when she gets up here
05:51I'll let her explain it
05:52What we're going for
05:54Okay, cool
05:54Hi, Jackie
05:55This is your debut on the show
05:56Welcome
05:56Your hair looks good
05:57Oh, cool, thank you
05:58Yeah
05:58Alright
05:59It's Jackie's debut on the show
06:02So everyone welcome her
06:03See, they did
06:04So Jackie
06:06Let's let Don know
06:08What your present to him is
06:09So Don, you're an actor
06:11So you spend a lot of time emoting, right?
06:14Uh-huh, yeah
06:15So I want to give you what you give to other people
06:19Which is the gift of human emotion
06:21So I'm going to cry
06:23I'm just going to watch really sad stuff on my laptop
06:28Awesome
06:28And hopefully cry
06:31I could do other emotions
06:32Okay
06:32Whatever you want
06:33I like crying
06:34Crying?
06:34Yeah
06:35Okay, I've got sad stuff here
06:36Alright, cool
06:37Yeah
06:37So Jackie, you're going to put on headphones
06:38So you can really focus on that
06:40Yeah, yeah, yeah
06:40And Don, just know
06:41Happy birthday
06:42Thanks
06:42A girl will cry
06:43Cry for me
06:44This is Jackie's Corner of Sadness
06:46Ladies and gentlemen
06:46Alright
06:47This is a corner
06:51What kind of corner is it?
06:55This is a corner of sadness
06:58Check out this corner
07:02Whose corner is it?
07:04Till then
07:05It's Jackie's Corner of Sadness
07:08And don't you feel sad?
07:11It'd be funny if they kept doing that while she tried to cry
07:13Back up singing
07:14Super humor
07:15So let's see
07:16Do we have any callers on the line?
07:17Caller, you are on the line
07:18Welcome to the Chris Gethardt Show
07:19How can we help you?
07:21Hi, this is Alyssa
07:22Hey
07:22Already
07:23It's Alyssa
07:24Checking in with Alyssa
07:26Checking in with Alyssa
07:29Alyssa, what's up?
07:30So Alyssa, you're a friend of the show
07:32A huge comedy nerd
07:33And you're 15 years old
07:35You always call us up
07:35You let us know what's going on in your life
07:37So what's up?
07:37What did you want to talk about tonight?
07:39Well, first of all, happy birthday
07:41Thanks
07:42There you go
07:42Happy birthday, Don
07:43Thank you
07:43Um, I don't know
07:46I started school the other day
07:47What's that?
07:49I started school the other day
07:50You started school today?
07:51How bad does that sound?
07:52And before you say anything
07:53Can I just say
07:54Shannon
07:54Do not say anything appropriate
07:57To this 15 year old girl
07:58Oh, it's Alyssa?
07:59Yes
07:59Oh
08:00Nothing inappropriate
08:01So Alyssa
08:03Okay
08:04How was school?
08:06How were your classes looking?
08:07What do we need to know about your school experience?
08:11Oh my
08:11Alyssa
08:13Well, I thought that this was really weird
08:16My math teacher
08:17Fuck you
08:18Shannon
08:19Too much
08:21Way too much
08:23Way too much
08:24Way too much
08:25Honestly
08:26Way too much
08:27So your math teacher
08:28What's up with your math teacher?
08:30Oh, okay
08:31Um
08:31She said
08:33Like flat out
08:34That she doesn't care about her students
08:36And I just thought that was kind of weird
08:37Yeah, I think
08:38Hey, listen, Alyssa
08:39If you ever want me to do your math homework for you
08:41You can email me
08:43And I'll give you my email separately
08:45Don on air
08:46Don is a
08:47Don is an engineer
08:48He has a degree in engineering
08:49If you ever want to get out of your math homework
08:51Don will do it for you
08:52How's that sound?
08:53That sounds great
08:54I give gifts on my birthday
08:57Yeah, you help corrupt the education of a child
09:00I'm going to say that was a lot creepier than what I said
09:03No, it wasn't
09:04No, it definitely wasn't
09:05So, Alyssa, we're sorry that you haven't
09:11Don't sit in here like this
09:12He's like, hey, I'll give you my email address off air
09:18Contact me, I'm an engineer
09:20Alyssa, I got to talk
09:22Let's focus
09:23Hold on, Random D's trying to talk
09:25I've had straight A's through high school math
09:28Then up until Calculus 1 when Arian the Curve hit me like a red brick
09:31Anyway, so, if you ever want to tweet me or email me
09:35Math questions, I'll help too
09:37If you think Don's creepy
09:39We got a lot of people who are willing to do
09:41I'll do a back-off with a random gene at some point
09:42We'll do that later in the night
09:43You would know better than me
09:45I never took Diffy Q
09:46Diffy Q?
09:47Okay
09:48Differential equate
09:49We're cutting off both
09:50We're cutting off all math
09:51Alyssa, anything else you wanted to talk about tonight?
09:55Well, just at least that
09:56I forgot to talk about it last week
09:58It's not a big video
09:59A couple weeks ago, I went to see
10:03I saw John Mulaney's Comedy Central special
10:05And it was really good
10:06He's the best
10:07One of the best in the country
10:08We're so lucky we had him on the show
10:09Yeah, it was great
10:11Alright, so you're still a comedy nerd
10:13Still in high school
10:14Keep us updated
10:15I want to hear more and more throughout the year
10:17So, are you a freshman, sophomore?
10:19I'm a junior
10:20A junior, oh
10:21Sorry about that, Alyssa
10:24Something just exploded four feet away from my head
10:27A piece of equipment just exploded
10:29Show myself in the vagina, Alyssa
10:30Alright, Alyssa, thank you so much for the call
10:33Always great checking in with you
10:35We can get you out of here before
10:36Thank you
10:38Always
10:39Always
10:40Always
10:41Alright, so does anybody in our crowd
10:42Bring a gift for Don Finale?
10:44Let's bring up something
10:45Okay, let's start with our old friend Banana Man
10:47Banana Man, what do you got?
10:49I brought you a tiara
10:50A tiara?
10:51Don, look at that
10:52Happy birthday
10:53You got a tiara
10:53Oh, sweet
10:54Who else?
10:54Who else?
10:55Birthday princess
10:56Look at this
10:56Jeremy brought you something
10:57Everybody's bringing you
10:58I also want to say this
10:59If you're out there in New York right now
11:00If you're in Manhattan
11:01And you can get to our studio
11:0359th, between 10th and 11th
11:04Bring Don a birthday present
11:06If you're sitting in your apartment
11:07And you're like
11:08I got something that I don't need
11:09I think this guy Don could have it
11:11We want random people to join us from New York City
11:13Get on down to the studio
11:1459th, between 10th and 11th
11:16You got some Don's bar coasters
11:18That's great
11:18Who else has a present for old Don Finale?
11:20The chicken lady
11:21The chicken lady brought you something
11:22Oh, wow
11:23Is this raw meat?
11:25Let's see what this is
11:26The chicken lady
11:27Whoa
11:27Oh, that looks classy
11:28This is a bottle of wine
11:30You love wine
11:31You're Italian
11:31What's it going on?
11:32A good present for Don Finale
11:34Wow, this is
11:35Wait, wait, there's more
11:36Wow
11:37And chocolate
11:38I think the chicken lady has a crush on you
11:41Condo
11:42Thank you
11:44More chocolate
11:44Thank you very much
11:46So do we have another caller?
11:47Do we have a caller on the line?
11:48Welcome to the Chris Gethard Show
11:49Hello
11:50Who's this?
11:53Hello
11:54You guys are talking about birthdays
11:56Worst birthdays?
11:57Yeah
11:58What's up?
11:59I'm going to win this, man
12:01Because I'm going to tell you
12:01When my worst birthday was
12:03Okay
12:03It was
12:04It was
12:06My birthday was on Sunday
12:08It was this past Sunday or
12:09So that's 9-11, right?
12:13Your birthday's 9-11
12:14So I can
12:15Yeah, I know what your worst birthday was
12:16No, this Sunday coming up
12:17Yeah, yeah
12:18It was 9-11
12:20So
12:20So
12:21Now this is the deal with this
12:22This is the deal with this
12:24You know
12:24Everything's happened
12:25I went to work that day
12:27And I saw what I'm saying
12:28From where I was
12:29I remember who was next to me
12:31I remember everything that happened around me
12:34Yeah, we all know what happened around this thing
12:36And then I still have the first anniversary of 9-11
12:41Second anniversary of 9-11
12:43Third, fourth, fifth
12:44Let me ask you this
12:46Can I ask you this?
12:48So it takes away
12:49It takes everything away from my birthday
12:51But that's the thing
12:52Because, you know
12:53It also adds on to it
12:56It makes it a special day
12:57In all kinds of ways
12:58So, you know
12:59You can look at it
13:00From both sides of the coin
13:02Now, did you still have a birthday party
13:04On 9-11-2001
13:06Did you still celebrate?
13:09What did you say?
13:11Oh, God
13:12You know, I don't really
13:15Yeah, you know
13:17I don't really celebrate birthday
13:18So it's not a big deal to me
13:20Oh, okay
13:20But I tell you what
13:21This is my first time viewing this show
13:23You guys are nuts, man
13:24Thank you
13:25Thank you very much
13:27Thank you for the call
13:29Call back anytime
13:30Call back anytime
13:31Let us know how the birthday goes on Sunday
13:33Thank you very much for the call
13:35What should we do now?
13:37Oh, I think the human fish
13:38He looks like he's itchy
13:39To give you a present, Don
13:40Oh, wow
13:40Oh, thanks human fish
13:42Let's see what the human fish has for you
13:44You can go into Dwayne Reed
13:45Wow
13:46Special K
13:50Red berries
13:51We just learned that the human fish
13:53His favorite cereal
13:54Special K
13:55Red berries
13:55Human fish
13:56Special K red berries
13:57Versus every other cereal
13:58Special K red berries
14:00Okay
14:00And this is a cat holding a fish
14:03Wow
14:03Inside it says
14:05Well, it seemed to make sense
14:07When I bought it
14:08Anyway, happy birthday
14:09Human fish
14:12Arf, arf
14:13We do know that the human fish
14:15Speaks in dog language
14:17Let's get a close up on Jackie Jennings
14:19She is getting close to crying
14:20Clearly doesn't know I'm talking about her
14:23Getting close?
14:25Trying, yeah
14:26What are you listening to?
14:27She started laughing
14:28During that guy's 9-11 story though
14:29I started with Father of the Bride
14:33But the Wi-Fi is bad in here
14:36That's sad enough in its own right
14:37That's sad enough in its own right
14:39Now it's Danny Boy on repeat
14:41Well, you can pick another emotion
14:42If you want
14:43We got another friend of Don Finnelli's in the studio
14:45One of his best buddies
14:47An old mutual friend of ours
14:48Bringing his present to the stage
14:50Ladies and gentlemen
14:51The one, the only
14:51And I think he's in rare form
14:53Jesse Lee
14:54Oh my god
14:56That's a terrible idea
15:00Really bad idea
15:01Jesse, what the fuck is this
15:03Happy birthday
15:04I got you a pantyhose
15:07Pantyhose filled with ice
15:08Because you told me once you can melt
15:10Any fucking pussy you wanted to
15:12Jesse, to camera
15:15Also Jesse, is it fair to say
15:17You've had a couple drinks tonight
15:19I've had a couple drinks
15:20I came from my fucking company
15:23We gotta get rid of this
15:24We can't have this shit
15:25I've been drinking mad booze
15:27Yo, check this out
15:28Yo, I got some alien fucking shit for you
15:30Thanks, bro
15:31Yo, if you don't melt this with your dick
15:32I'll melt this shit
15:33I'll melt this with my dick for you, man
15:35Yeah
15:35Let's get this shit
15:36Jesse, do you want to sit up here
15:37For the rest of the show?
15:38Alright, I'll sit up here
15:38Let's get Jesse a chair for the show
15:40Welcome back to the show
15:43Alright
15:43So Don, how are you feeling
15:45About your birthday so far?
15:46This is awesome, man
15:46Thank you so much
15:47Great
15:47So we have a caller on the line
15:49Caller, welcome to the Getthed Show
15:50How can we help you?
15:52Hi
15:52This is Katie Amato
15:54It's who?
15:57Katie Amato
15:58Katie's sister
15:59You're J.D.'s sister, Katie
16:00Oh, Katie, yeah
16:02The sister of our
16:03Yeah, the producer
16:04The sister of our producer
16:05Director, one of our writers
16:06J.D. Amato
16:07How are you, Katie?
16:08I'm good, how are you?
16:09I'm good
16:09What can we help you with tonight?
16:11I want to say happy birthday to Don
16:13Thank you very much
16:14Thank you
16:15And I just wanted to let you all know
16:16That we had the best birthday parties
16:20In my house growing up
16:21Okay
16:22Now what made birthday parties
16:23In your house so good?
16:26Well, I don't know about J.D.'s
16:27I don't really remember his as much
16:28Wow
16:29I kind of tend to focus on my own birthday
16:31But my mom used to set up
16:36Scavenger hunts and stuff like that
16:38My birthday was in March
16:40So I could never depend on it
16:41Snowing or anything
16:42But one year she set up
16:43This huge scavenger hunt
16:45And we had stuff all over the neighborhood
16:47And after they put out all the clues
16:48It snowed like two feet
16:50On top of the clues
16:51That sounds fun
16:53That sounds like a classic birthday party
16:54Yeah, well the best part
16:56Was one of my friends
16:57Had a broken leg
16:58So she had to go through all the snow
17:00That sucks for your friend
17:02But I bet it was amusing
17:02For everyone else at the party
17:04It was, it was
17:05Awesome
17:06Katie, where are you calling from?
17:08I'm calling from Champaign-Urbana, Illinois
17:11Wow
17:12Alright
17:13Yeah, that's where
17:14University of Illinois is
17:16Did you go to University of Illinois?
17:23Did you go to University of Illinois?
17:26Yeah
17:26Did you know
17:27Dude named Rashad
17:28Come on, Jesse
17:29Come on, Jesse
17:31Katie, is any
17:34That guy didn't go to my wedding, man
17:36He invited me
17:39He wouldn't come to my wedding
17:40So Katie, anything else we can help you with tonight?
17:44Katie, anything else we can help you with tonight?
17:46I can understand him
17:47He's too drunk
17:48Fair enough
17:49Thank you so much for the call
17:50We hope you have a great birthday party this year
17:52That rivals the scavenger hunt
17:54Alright, thanks, bye
17:56Can I try something?
17:57Alright, let's try something
17:57I want to ask drunk Jesse Lee
17:59What's on your mind?
18:01Wow
18:01Do you want to do it in battle form?
18:05Like human fish?
18:06Yeah, yeah
18:06Blank versus blank?
18:07Yeah, yeah, yeah
18:08Okay
18:08What is it?
18:09It's just rude
18:10Yo, it's Monte Cristo cigars
18:13Versus the Count of Monte Cristo
18:15It's the Count of Monte Cristo
18:19It's the Count of Monte Cristo
18:23Can we ask human fish?
18:27Oh, same one
18:28Monte Cristo cigars
18:29Versus the Count of Monte Cristo
18:30It's the Count of Monte Cristo
18:32Wow
18:32Yeah
18:33In agreement
18:35Yo, we are different species
18:37Bethany, what's your best or worst birthday growing up?
18:42Oh
18:43When I was 16, my whole family forgot it was my birthday
18:49Wow
18:50Just like the movie
18:51That's a part of a movie
18:52That's a movie
18:53That really happened
18:54In Chicago, right?
18:56In Chicago
18:56That's a John Hughes movie
18:57Sweet, right?
18:58Yeah
18:59So it's my 16th birthday
19:01And I could be getting my license
19:05But everyone forgot
19:07And so my friend Kristen
19:09Hand me over
19:11And she bought a cake from Jewel Asko
19:13And gave it to me
19:14Wow
19:15That sounds extremely sad
19:16It was really sad
19:18I'm really sorry I made you relive that
19:19All right
19:21Do we have a caller on the air?
19:22Caller, welcome to the Chris Gether track
19:23Happy birthday, motherfuckers
19:24What the fuck?
19:25Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
19:28What the fuck is this?
19:32What did I miss in two weeks?
19:34I should have played
19:35Our musical guest
19:36Our musical guest tonight
19:38Is Hot Sugar
19:38That was just assisted
19:40I have no idea why that happened
19:42I have no idea who that kid is
19:45Or why that happened
19:46I have no idea why that happened
19:49This is his own one-man wiffle ball game
19:51Hot Sugar, you brought your assistant
19:53He seems a little out of control
19:54Yeah, I'm trying to set up the sound right now
19:56We're trying to get the sound going
19:58So you set
19:58You stick your assistant
19:59On old Alpinelli on his birthday, huh?
20:02Okay, okay
20:03All right
20:04All right
20:05Nice to meet you
20:06You should probably check wires
20:08Instead of hitting people with bags
20:09Jesse, man
20:11Don't tell these guys how to do their job
20:12They're professionals
20:13Drew, what should we do?
20:15Calls?
20:16Yeah
20:16All right, caller
20:17You're on the line
20:18Welcome to the Chris Gethler Show
20:19Caller, are you there?
20:24Awkward
20:24Awkward song, Jesse
20:27Wow
20:27All right, so
20:32It was my golden birthday, right?
20:34I turned 27 on August 27th
20:42And my girlfriend, who I've been like, you know, in love with for a long time
20:49Yeah, we know
20:50Or whatever, but yeah
20:51Like, we just started dating and she bought these great concert tickets for my birthday
20:57And what I do for a living and what I do for a living is I house it and I take care of six dogs and one of the dogs broke his leg
21:05Oh, Jesus
21:06Oh, Jesus
21:06Oh, no
21:08A dog broke his leg on your birthday?
21:10That's sad
21:11Broke his leg
21:12Yeah, yeah, yeah
21:13And that was the only gift she got me
21:16And I spent my entire golden birthday in a doctor's office
21:21Can I ask you something?
21:22Can I ask you something?
21:24You smoke like a ton of weed, right?
21:30He's taking a hit
21:31Can I ask you a question right now?
21:34What's that?
21:34Why would you take the dog to a doctor and not a vet?
21:38I think he meant vet, right?
21:40Yeah
21:40He probably meant animal doctor, Joe
21:42I have another comment about me
21:45Well, yeah, it was the vet's office, you know
21:47But still, it was the vet's office
21:50Just go on
21:50Yeah
21:52Alright, man
21:53Anything else you want to talk about tonight?
21:55Because we're going to get going
21:56Well, I don't know
21:57What do you want to talk about, man?
22:00Yeah, we'll do
22:00We'll talk about stuff
22:01Okay, what do I want to talk about?
22:02Where do you live?
22:04You want to talk about what?
22:05Where do you live?
22:07The Flaming Lifts
22:08What?
22:10Where do you live?
22:12Where do you live, man?
22:16Alright, goodbye
22:18Goodbye
22:20Chris, I remembered something else about my 16th birthday
22:24Which is that I thought no one was bringing it up
22:28Because there was going to be a really awesome surprise party
22:31And then everyone just ran
22:34Bethany, that story's really sad
22:35And I'm going to ask you to stop remembering details
22:37That story's really sad
22:39Bethany, if we were friends and we were the same age
22:41I would have totally called MTV to have a super bing and 16 for you
22:46Random Gene, but no one knows how old you are
22:48You're that random to me
22:50Yeah, that's true
22:51Alright
22:52Random Gene, since you are Asian
22:54You could be anywhere from 16 to 42
22:56You could be 42 years old
23:00Are you 42 years old?
23:02I am 42
23:03You're 42 years old?
23:04Yeah, I'm 42 years old
23:05Yo, you want the best present I ever got
23:07Sounds good
23:08Yo, I was like 8 fucking years old, right?
23:13I had my birthday party at the roller skating rink
23:16Which was the dopest spot to get your birthday
23:18And my fucking fan
23:21My mom was like
23:22There's no shit about a roller skating
23:23She was like
23:23Yo, I'll hook you up
23:24I'll do this shit
23:25And he's fucking
23:26The Ryan
23:27Ryan and Sean Knudsen
23:29I think they had a silent K
23:31Knudsen
23:32They got me
23:33Bulls versus the Blazers
23:35Versus
23:35NBA playoffs
23:3797 on the Sega Genesis
23:38That shit was dope
23:39That was a $60 present
23:41I'll never forget them for that shit
23:43Great present
23:46Great present
23:47Oh yeah, so Noah has found this picture and uploaded it
23:51Let's explain that time
23:52Yeah, that's
23:52I used to use triathlons
23:54I shaved my whole body there
23:55And I have braces
23:56You look really hard enough
24:00You can see those braces
24:00How long ago was that?
24:02That's only like 3 years ago
24:04Wonderful
24:05Let's go back to the phones
24:07Caller, you are on the air
24:08Welcome to the Chris Gethardt Show
24:09How can we help you?
24:11How's it going?
24:12Wait, what's that, Caller?
24:14Hello?
24:15Hello, you're on the air
24:16How's it going?
24:18It's good, how are you?
24:20I'm alright
24:20I just call in and say
24:21Random Jean, you're looking good
24:23The cleavage tonight is excellent
24:25The guy, this guy has called and hit on
24:27You've hit on her before, right?
24:28I'm loving it
24:29Yeah, I called last week
24:30This is Joe from Queens
24:31I just want to say
24:32Sarah puts in the middle with the hoodie
24:33You're still looking like
24:34You're not happy
24:35I don't know what's wrong with you
24:37This guy has called two weeks in a row
24:39Flirted with Random Jean
24:40It's fucking shame
24:41Random Jean, I'm still
24:42I'm loving it
24:43I'm loving what you're giving to me tonight
24:44Thank you
24:45I'm going to record this
24:46I'm going to watch it tomorrow night
24:48Wow
24:49This guy loves the gene
24:51Hey, Joe from Queens
24:53Yeah
24:55Yeah, no
24:56I like the drunk dude too
24:57He's going to
24:58No, I'm talking to you right now
24:59Wow
25:00You mess with Shannon O'Neal
25:01You got to see what comes down the pike at you
25:03Next time you call this show
25:05You better fucking be in the building
25:07Hey, sweetheart, relax
25:09I'm just saying
25:10You got to put on a smile sometime, you know?
25:13All right, have a good night
25:14I should say that about any other dude in the fucking audience, man
25:17That's a sexist thing to say, bro
25:18Hey, no
25:21Do you not applaud that?
25:23He did not say it because Shannon's a woman
25:25He said it because she doesn't smile
25:26No, but he's not your sweetheart
25:28But he's like
25:28He's making a comparison between, you know
25:31One woman who he's making a sex object
25:33And the other woman who he's comparing to the sex object, right?
25:36All right, Jess
25:37I was wrong, I was wrong, you're right
25:40He's calling up being like nice cleavage
25:41I don't know
25:42That's a little fucking creepy if you ask me
25:44Wow
25:44There's some backlash against you right now, Joe from Queens
25:48No, bro
25:48You got to read
25:49What's her fucking name?
25:53Susan Butler
25:54What's her name?
25:57Feminist
25:57Gloria Steinem
25:59Gloria Steinem?
25:59Yeah, she's good, too
26:00You got to read all that shit, bro
26:03Educate yourself
26:04You're making a fool of yourself on TV
26:06Wow
26:07Damn, bro
26:10Joe from Queens
26:12You're starting a war with Shannon O'Neill
26:14And I can tell you
26:14That's the wrong person to start a war with
26:16Studio audience members
26:18Let's reiterate
26:18You're in Manhattan
26:19You can get down here before midnight
26:21And you got a gift
26:22You want
26:22It's on you
26:23Can't see round the corner
26:26When I'm going round the bend
26:29No one knows what will happen
26:32Or if this madness will ever end
26:35Well, I'm looking for a chair of and of joys
26:37I've got to get put
26:38And take a look at what happens
26:39I'm going round the stream
26:41I'm
26:56I'm
26:57I'm
26:57I'm
26:58I'm
26:59I'm
26:59I'm
27:00I'll be here, my love.
27:19I'll be here soon.
27:22Even if I lose my life,
27:25I won't.
27:27I have no choice.
27:29You are the light that guides me.
27:39The force that holds me.
27:42This power of the enemy.
27:45Who stops me to call me.
27:48I'll be here soon.
27:51I'll be here soon.
27:53I'll be here soon.
27:55Nothing can help me.
27:57A little bit.
27:59No path.
28:00My path is straight to the right.
28:03I'll be here soon.
28:05I'll be here soon.
28:07I'll be here soon.
28:09I'll be here soon.
28:11I'll be here soon.
28:13Rendez-vous continué.
28:35Get out to this obstacle.
28:37J'arriverai.
28:39J'arriverai.
28:43Papa, papa, tu es venu.
28:57Piston, tout est manqué. Où est tes mains ?
28:59Où, chéri ? Tu es là .
29:01Mon amour, ma femme, ma vie, je suis là .
29:05Je suis là .
29:07Ãa faisait si longtemps maintenant, tout le monde, tu es là .
29:10Mon amour...
29:12Oh, what can we do?
29:15You can be Napoleon and I'll be a Waterloo
29:17We'll be back to fight against the lay
29:19Till then we'll just be on our way
29:22Bone Cornmeal Machine
29:23As always
29:27Bone Cornmeal Machine has lit up our first season
29:31Become a cult phenomenon in its own right
29:33Thank you guys as always for that
29:35Happy birthday once again to Don Finnelli
29:37Thank you
29:37Let's go ahead, let's take a call
29:38Do we have a caller there?
29:40You're on the line, welcome to the Chris Gethard Show
29:41Caller, are you there?
29:46Yo, son
29:46Hey, what's up? Who's this? What do you want to say to us?
29:50Um, I just wanted to give you guys a quick reminder
29:53The smoke weed guy
29:55The smoke weed guy fucked up and dropped the phone or something
29:59You gotta say it again, it didn't come through
30:00Smoke
30:02Weed
30:03Son
30:04Okay, smoke weed son
30:07Well, thank you for calling
30:08Yo, Don Finnelli
30:10I love weed
30:10The human fish, you like weed?
30:13Look at that
30:14A simple yes
30:15Not weed versus anything
30:17So, what's up, weed guy?
30:18Anything else you want to talk to us about?
30:20Yo, Don Finnelli, happy birthday
30:22Thanks, man
30:22And, uh, I got a present for you
30:25Okay
30:26Bomb rip
30:31A bomb rip for your birthday
30:33Thanks, bro
30:34A bomb rip for your birthday, that's pretty nice
30:36Yeah, I'm talking about that sometimes
30:37Thanks
30:37Pretty nice
30:39Cool
30:39Smoke weed, son
30:40Alright
30:40Thank you for the call
30:42Weed guy
30:43Meantime, let's get a present for Don Finnelli
30:44It looks like Rob Malone has brought a number of presents
30:47Let's go ahead
30:47Don, are you
30:48How do you like all this love?
30:49From friends, from strangers
30:51This is so cool
30:51I really tried to build something nice for you here, man
30:54I don't know how it's working
30:55This is great
30:55No
30:56Can I
30:56I should open this real quick?
30:57Yeah
30:58Okay
30:59French twist
31:01VHS
31:01Let's hold that up to camera
31:03VHS copy of French twist
31:04Uh, by the San Francisco Examiner says delirious
31:08Alright, always a good sign
31:09Let's go, let's go
31:10What else?
31:11Cause Rob came correct with a number of gifts
31:13Right
31:13I like Rob Malone so much
31:15Me too, man
31:16Rob Malone, the most fantastic guest in the world
31:19Yeah, Rob Malone
31:19George W. Bush
31:21Wow
31:21From Texas to the White House
31:24Okay
31:24And Getbeard, uh, uh, is this your statement?
31:28Right here
31:28It's a sticker
31:29It's a sticker
31:29Okay
31:30Cool, thanks, man
31:31Alright
31:31And what's this?
31:33What's this right here?
31:33It's just another
31:34What is it?
31:36Space DQ
31:37The puppy whistle
31:38The puppy whistle
31:39Alright
31:40Rob Malone
31:41Hand it
31:42Hand it down in
31:43Collection of mysterious gifts
31:44I'll watch that
31:45Alright, ladies and gentlemen
31:46We've had a lot of technical difficulties tonight
31:47You may have heard a lot of banging
31:48Explosions
31:49And feedback
31:50Directly off to my right
31:52But we think we've got everything up and running
31:53Which is amazing
31:54Cause we're super psyched
31:55To have our musical guest here tonight
31:57I want to see everybody up on their feet
31:58Dancing
31:59Having fun
32:00Let's welcome the one
32:01The only
32:01Hot Sugar
32:02And welcome
32:06Falcon
32:06Give me a round
32:07That's what you have said
32:08I want to see everybody up on their feet
32:08playground
32:08And we've got a star
32:11One
32:12Long
32:13ç·
32:13Is
32:17DOUCT
35:19Ladies and gentlemen.
35:22Wow.
35:24That was crazy.
35:24So we didn't just get music.
35:26You also directed a child in violence through a series of elaborate hand signals, it looked like.
35:30Pretty amazing.
35:33So HotSugar, where should people go to check out your stuff?
35:36On Google, HotSugar.biz, on Facebook.
35:41HotSugar.biz, go to Facebook, check it out.
35:43And you make all your music from found sounds, basically, right?
35:46Social thing music is what it's called?
35:47Yep.
35:48Awesome.
35:49Well, great.
35:49Thank you for being here.
35:50Thank you for being here.
35:54Jackie E.
35:55Jennings looks truly miserable.
35:56That's good.
35:57Jesse Lee, it feels like you're sobering up slightly over the hour.
36:01A little bit, man.
36:02I mean, like, you know, I had a lot of different drinks, so it's depending on what drink you're
36:09talking about, you know?
36:11Yep.
36:12Did you have any, uh, what's that, new label Johnny Walker?
36:14It's my favorite.
36:15No, I had a gold label.
36:16That shit's just...
36:17Oh!
36:19Oh, wow.
36:21Noah, unnecessary.
36:23Noah, very unnecessary.
36:25Noah, turn it off, Noah.
36:27Noah, I'm telling you, turn it off.
36:29Noah, I'm telling you, turn it off.
36:30No, Joe from Queens, you like that?
36:32Noah, I'm going to be serious.
36:33Charge that monitor.
36:34You like that shit, Joe from Queens.
36:35She's got cleavage.
36:36All right, another friend of Dunn's just showed up at the studio, got here late, but I'm glad
36:40he got here.
36:41He's got a present for you.
36:42Let's bring front and center.
36:43Ladies and gentlemen, our friend and yours, Mr. Phil Jackson.
36:52Swag, man.
36:53Swag, swag, swag.
36:54Swing, and if you hit me...
36:55You're just trying to toss candy.
36:56Yeah, candy will go for the crowd.
36:58So if he moves the crowd to direct you, well.
37:01Thank you, Rob.
37:02Let's wait until I have this on very securely.
37:06Oh, yeah, we should get the mic off.
37:07I don't want to see shit.
37:08Before everyone kills us.
37:11That's good.
37:11I'm just going to close my eyes, man.
37:14Oh, my God.
37:19Play D1 baseball.
37:21Don't swing that hard, buddy.
37:22Come on.
37:23I'm doing such nice things for you on your birthday.
37:25Dude, we're going to do this.
37:26We're going to do this.
37:27That's the...
37:27Yo, while he's blindfolded, while he can't see the picture of it, Don, just know that no one
37:38put up the single most embarrassing image of another human being I've ever seen.
37:43It's like you ate a garbage bag of lasagna.
37:45And then went to Piercing Pagoda.
37:49It's amazing, dude.
37:50You got both earrings in and you look like I'm a meathead.
37:53Shannon, let's spin Don around.
37:55Yeah, let's spin you around.
37:58Shannon, you're so creepy, man.
38:00Let's get him nice and dirty.
38:01Spin you right round, baby, right round, like a piece of shit.
38:06Nothing.
38:07Nelly.
38:10Where are you?
38:12Where are you?
38:13Where are you?
38:15Where are you?
38:16Oh, no.
38:16Okay, everyone shut up.
38:19You guys all got to shut up so he's nowhere.
38:24Dad, don't hit him.
38:25Right here?
38:26Swing.
38:27Swing low, swing low.
38:29Yay!
38:30Oh, come on.
38:31Oh, no, no, no, no, he's blindfolded.
38:34He's blindfolded.
38:35Hey, hey, hey.
38:36Bailey, Joel Osment.
38:38Take a rest.
38:39Take a rest.
38:40Yeah, pay it forward.
38:41Pay it forward.
38:41Take a rest one second.
38:43Go.
38:44Step forward and swing.
38:45No, by the way, turn to your left.
38:46No, don't hit him.
38:47Left, left.
38:47Just go in a circle.
38:49Again, keep going.
38:51Okay, one more hit and then this bitch's done.
38:52Because that sucked.
38:54Oh, yeah.
38:56There we go.
38:58Jeremy Ween is getting all the candy.
39:00We're done.
39:00Human piñata is done.
39:02Human piñata is done.
39:02Wait, I want the candy.
39:03I'll show you.
39:03You want some candy?
39:04I got it.
39:06You can take the blindfold off, Don.
39:08You did it.
39:09I'm on my alien ears.
39:11Now, Don, I hope that was fun for you.
39:12Jesus Christ, Noah.
39:13Explain that picture, Don.
39:15That's at a wedding.
39:16That's a wedding.
39:17That's what I look like at weddings.
39:19That's me at a wedding.
39:20How long ago was that?
39:21John Gotti's wedding?
39:22It's probably like four years ago.
39:26I changed a lot.
39:27Why did you wax your whole body for this picture, man?
39:30How do you know I waxed my whole body for this picture?
39:33Did you?
39:34Yes.
39:35Wait, do you wear those earrings anymore?
39:37Those hoops?
39:38No, I don't wear the hoops.
39:38I mean earrings in general?
39:40On occasion.
39:41I have busted them out.
39:42Like, what occasion?
39:44I wore them on an audition recently for Douchebag.
39:49Ah.
39:49I play a douchebag, so I wore them.
39:51I was like, yeah, I know this pretty well.
39:53Let's go back to the phones.
39:54It's been a while.
39:55Caller, you are on the air.
39:56Welcome to the Chris Gethardt Show.
39:57How can we help you?
39:58Hi, it's Andy.
40:00Hey, what's up?
40:02I want to know what's on the human fish's mind.
40:04Human fish, what's on your mind?
40:06Thank you for the hula hoop.
40:08Let's do it.
40:09A hula hoop exhibition for your birthday.
40:10Over the Hill Edible Jock.
40:14It's an edible jock.
40:15That's an amazing gift.
40:16Eat it now.
40:18Someone's got to eat this off of me, right?
40:20Is that what's going on?
40:22No, that's not going to happen tonight on the show.
40:24I suck at this.
40:25An edible jock.
40:26You do, Random Gene.
40:27It might be time.
40:27Okay, Random Gene, you're done with the hula hoop.
40:30I'm going to let Bethany handle this.
40:32But thank you for trying, Random Gene.
40:33And let's just let the master do it.
40:35Mimi, let's kick it off.
40:36Let's do it.
40:36Okay, Mimi, you're good.
40:38Gene, let's grab your seat.
40:39Grab your seat.
40:39I got some music, so I'm going to plug in.
40:41Okay.
40:42Oh, you got music in your head.
40:43Oh, shit.
40:44Yo, stop it off.
40:46Sounds good.
40:47So, Don Finale, you got an edible jock.
40:49Is there anybody in the crowd who didn't get a chance to give Don Finale their present?
40:52This is our last time.
40:52Let's do it.
40:53Patrick, let's do it.
40:54Oh, Murph is here.
40:54Murph just showed up.
40:55All right, Murph.
40:56Murph, aka The Reservoir Dogs.
40:58Let's do it quick.
40:59And the LLC has a present.
41:00Discount coupon for Connecticut Movie Theater.
41:03Discount coupon for Connecticut Movie Theater.
41:05Thanks, man.
41:06Murph, welcome back to the show.
41:07Hey, Murph, good to see you, Don.
41:08Happy birthday.
41:09Thanks, bro.
41:10I appreciate it, man.
41:11Absolutely.
41:11It's your finale from Murph.
41:12A mystery package.
41:13Let's get the LLC.
41:15The LLC has a present for you, Don.
41:16You were not here when they were rehearsing it, which I'm glad about.
41:18Is this a vibrator?
41:20This is a female vibrator.
41:22A four-two.
41:23Ooh, pleasure to the people.
41:25It's a couple's gift.
41:26It's a couple's gift.
41:26Oh, thanks, man.
41:27You use it on her clip, bro.
41:28Okay, y'all.
41:29Thanks, Jesse.
41:30Let's focus up.
41:32Let's focus up.
41:33LLC.
41:33Let's play that.
41:35And then we will get back.
41:36I've got an individual present for Don.
41:38Oh, thank you.
41:39All right.
41:40Is this a coloring?
41:41We're playing a song here.
41:43This is good.
41:43This is who Hoopers can hoop to our song.
41:45Let's do it.
41:46This is a song.
41:46I don't know you very well.
41:47This is a song based on only the things that I've learned about you from the show.
41:51Oh, this is going to be good.
41:52You have green eyes, you live in New Jersey, and you seduce girls by playing them Dave Matthews
42:03on guitar.
42:04You have black hair, it's all over your body.
42:09And when it comes to pissing in your pants, well, you're the champ, and your name is Don
42:16Finnelli.
42:17Don Finnelli.
42:18Don Finnelli.
42:19And your dad's name is Don Finnelli.
42:22Don Finnelli.
42:23Don Finnelli.
42:25And your mom's name is Donald Finnelli.
42:27Donald Finnelli.
42:29Don Finnelli.
42:30And your name is Don Finnelli.
42:33Don Finnelli.
42:38Hope you've enjoyed your birthday.
42:40Let's go ahead.
42:41It is time, right, for more music.
42:43That's a transcript of the fifth show.
42:44That was a good show for you.
42:45So Joe has written an entire transcript of our fifth show.
42:48Thanks, man.
42:49So now if you want to see yourself when you were funny, you can read it instead of just
42:52watching it on the archive.
42:53Great.
42:53Perfect.
42:54That's amazing that you did that, Joe.
42:55This is very cool.
42:55All right.
42:56Ladies and gentlemen, once again, the one, the only, Hot Sugar.
43:01Woo!
43:02Yay!
43:03Shannon, I want to do your thing.
43:11What else?
43:29Yay!
43:31Yay!
43:31Yay!
43:32Yay!
43:32Yay!
43:32Yay!
43:33Yay!
43:33Yay!
43:33Yay!
43:33Yay!
43:33Yay!
43:33Yay! woops!
44:03I want to say goodnight to our viewers from M&N.
44:11Thank you guys for checking out the show.
44:13Tell your friends that we're here.
44:14We really appreciate everything.
44:15I want to thank Half Sugar for joining us on PodX for the technical difficulties.
44:20Happy birthday, Dr. Nally.
44:21Hope you guys enjoyed the show.
44:22Thanks for everybody showing up.
44:24Thanks for the gifts.
44:24Thanks for the attitude and kindness.
44:26This kid is me, man.
44:28I don't know why this kid behaves the way that he behaves.
44:31He's pretty funny.
44:32Don't mess with him.
44:33What's happening?
44:33You're funny.
44:36Alright, goodnight M&N.
44:38We really appreciate it.
44:39That doesn't make sense to me at all.
44:51That doesn't make sense to me at all.
45:03Thank you guys for checking it out.
45:24This is a really crazy one.
45:25We appreciate you guys for calling in.
45:27As always, the support is welcome.
45:29Let your friends know that we're out there.
45:30We'll be back next week with our guest.
45:32This is not a joke.
45:33Hot 97 DJ, Cypher Sound.
45:37Cypher Sound.
45:38Next week.
45:39How is that going to turn out?
45:41Probably poorly.
45:43Should be awesome though.
45:46Big digits from Boston when we play music.
45:48It's going to be awesome.
45:50Come on.
45:50Goodå¢.
45:51Yeah.
45:51Good job.
45:52Good job.
45:55I lost it.
45:56Woo.
45:57Bigç.
46:00Yeah.
46:00Yeah.
46:01Yes.
46:02Cool.
46:03Yeah.
46:03Yeah.
46:03Yeah.
46:04Yeah.
46:05Yeah.
46:05Yeah.
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