- 4 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00The End
00:30But you need to help Ruby with your Valentines, okay?
00:32Okay, bye, Stinky.
00:35Don't eat all the candy hearts.
00:41Mommy said don't eat them.
00:43Mommy said don't eat all of them.
00:48See, listening is important.
00:54Watch this one here.
00:56Look at that, two turtles kissing.
01:00Shall you be mine?
01:03That's clever.
01:05Who's Brad?
01:07Her boyfriend.
01:09Shut up!
01:11Give me that.
01:14P.S.
01:16My dad is the boogeyman.
01:20And he knows where you live.
01:24Oh.
01:27Yippity-dippity-doo.
01:30Oh, baby.
01:31Hey, what are you guys doing?
01:46We're mooses, and Daddy's a bear.
01:48Oh, is he chasing you?
01:50No, he's hibernating in his chair.
01:53I see.
01:54Sprint tire!
02:07They're gone.
02:10Oh.
02:11Play with these kids.
02:13Just wears you out.
02:14I think I need a nap.
02:18Hey, so I've been thinking about Valentine's Day.
02:21Oh, Valentine's Day.
02:23Come on, honey.
02:23That is such a racket.
02:25Created by women.
02:27Like salads.
02:29Deodorant.
02:30Cuddling.
02:31Are you done?
02:34Yeah.
02:36I was thinking, maybe this year we should just stay in, order a piece, and watch a movie in our sweats.
02:46I have never been more in love with you than I am right now.
02:54What'd you get me?
02:55Oh, I got you something really good.
02:56All right, because it's going to be hard to top last year's smart mop.
03:02Well, I won't be needing that blouse for Valentine's Day.
03:05Richard flaked on me.
03:07Shut up, Jim.
03:08Okay.
03:09I'll just save it for the next guy.
03:13What happened?
03:15Everything was going great, you know, but now that Valentine's Day's coming, I can't even get him on the phone.
03:20Oh, well, Dana, you know what that's about.
03:22Cheryl, if I may.
03:24Take it away, Professor.
03:27When do you start dating him?
03:29Right after New Year's.
03:30Okay.
03:31There's your problem right there.
03:33You see, Christmas is the commitment cutoff.
03:35If you were dating him before Christmas, Valentine's Day is a lock.
03:39After Christmas, he has no legal obligation.
03:45Also, you talk too much.
03:47Okay, this bear is hitting the woods.
03:51I still don't know what I want to get Jim for Valentine's Day.
04:00Do you have any idea?
04:01Have you not been listening to me?
04:02I'm going to be alone, for God's sake.
04:04Well, honey, we already know your Valentine's Day is ruined.
04:08Can we focus on me?
04:09Okay, let's see.
04:13What doesn't Jim have?
04:15Oh, I know.
04:16How about opposable thumbs?
04:20Dana?
04:21You know, sometimes I think you forget he's my husband.
04:24And that was very funny.
04:28Oh, I know.
04:29You know, a friend of mine did something for her husband on his birthday.
04:32It was very romantic and sexy and...
04:36Oh, never mind.
04:37You'd never do it.
04:38What?
04:38No, you'd never do it.
04:40Tell me.
04:40Well, she got someone to take these...
04:45Boudoir photos.
04:46Oh, never do that.
04:50I know, because you're not fun.
04:57That is a lousy thing to say.
05:00I'm sorry.
05:01I thought you knew.
05:06I happen to be a lot of fun.
05:10The other moms in my cupcake class call me gregarious.
05:16Cupcake class?
05:17Oh, Cheryl, I've so lost you.
05:19Yeah, you know what?
05:20I could be the kind of person who would take a sexy boudoir...
05:25Was she naked?
05:26No, no, no, no, no.
05:27No, it was tasteful lingerie.
05:29It was soft focus.
05:30Very classy.
05:31You know, that might be fun.
05:34I am going to consider that.
05:35Okay, well, let me know when you're done considering it,
05:37because we both know there's a no coming.
05:40For your information, there is a yes coming.
05:44Yes!
05:44You see?
05:45Ah, there it is.
05:48I am a nut.
05:50Mm-hmm.
05:53I don't believe you.
05:55Well, do you believe this?
05:57Well, we have a couple days to work on it.
06:10All right, in a red bag and everything.
06:14Happy Valentine's Day.
06:16Oh, an emergency roadside kit, honey.
06:24I like it.
06:24I love it.
06:26Look, look, look what I got in here.
06:27Oh, wow.
06:28It's got a flashlight here.
06:30No way.
06:31Yeah.
06:31Look, you got three emergency flares.
06:34Wow.
06:35And look, little crackers and cheese pack in case you get stuck in a ravine.
06:40Oh, that's great.
06:42Actually, let me take those now.
06:44I'll replace them later.
06:47Okay.
06:48My turn.
06:48My turn.
06:49My turn.
06:49My turn.
06:50Cheryl, calm down.
06:51There's only three crackers.
06:54No, no.
06:55I need my present.
06:57You ready?
06:57Okay.
06:58Open it.
06:59Open it.
07:00Open it.
07:00Open it.
07:04Well, it's not a home entertainment center.
07:09I can't wait for you to see it.
07:12No.
07:13You're too much, baby.
07:24Well?
07:25Oh.
07:28You are amazing.
07:34You know, you could go pro.
07:37I mean, as a model.
07:40Do you like it?
07:42Like it?
07:44I want to marry it.
07:46Like this.
07:50I can't take my eyes off it.
07:52Well, maybe you can take your eyes off of it for this.
07:58I can't take my eyes off of it for this.
07:59I can't take my eyes off of it for this.
08:00I can't take my eyes off of it for this.
08:01I can't take my eyes off of it for this.
08:02I can't take my eyes off of it for this.
08:03I can't take my eyes off of it for this.
08:04I can't take my eyes off of it for this.
08:05I can't take my eyes off of it for this.
08:06I can't take my eyes off of it for this.
08:07I can't take my eyes off of it for this.
08:08I can't take my eyes off of it for this.
08:09I can't take my eyes off of it for this.
08:10I can't take my eyes off of it for this.
08:11I can't take my eyes off of it for this.
08:12I can't take my eyes off of it for this.
08:13you see what happens when you play in the black keys
08:35little muse by the name of kelly
08:39i met her on valentine's day now i don't like to kiss and tell but let's just say i kissed
08:47her and now i'm telling i will tell all so what happened i kissed her
08:56that's it good story yeah hey you know i gotta say this was my first valentine's day without
09:07the ex-wife i thought i'd be very sad you know but i went out with this chick from work had
09:13a great time i didn't miss the ex-wife at all good for you yeah how about you john what'd
09:19you do went out with your ex-wife she doesn't miss you either you're kind of quiet what'd
09:28you and cheryl do i'll tell you what they did they sat around the couch ratty old sweatshirts
09:33covered in pizza sauce and baby spinach that's what they did we all gotta know did you fall
09:39asleep in the bathtub or the couch what all right all right you want to see what 10 years
09:58brings i'll show you what 10 years brings
10:00look at that wait oh was that cheryl well yes it was well that could that could have been anybody
10:13all right all right all right take a long long look at that boys looky there
10:20that's my wife's face that's my wife's body and that parasol i think they gave that to her
10:31beautiful huh stop doing that that's my sister
10:34just a little uh band wrestling you know
10:46i win give me that um
10:50uh
10:54uh
10:56uh
10:58uh
11:00uh
11:04uh
11:06uh
11:08uh
11:10uh
11:12okay
11:22okay you're busy
11:23get in here
11:24i can't believe you showed this to them this was only for you
11:29oh okay well now i know
11:32no no no you don't know you you you you never know you are clueless
11:38so we're cool right
11:44you're an idiot
11:48cheryl cheryl you don't understand anything guys were they were all bragging about how hot
11:53their valentine's day was and and how we were a boring couple and i took umbrage with it
11:58you used it
12:04trust me i was defending your honor
12:07by showing half naked pictures of me in the garage
12:10yes and it worked perfectly
12:12you were showing off
12:14so what you show off all the time you brag about it you know to your friends when i get a big
12:21contract or you tell the neighbors how good i am in bed
12:27i'm not telling them that
12:30somebody is
12:31jim jim jim look at me
12:39see these yes
12:41these are my divorce eyes
12:46you have no right to objectify me so you can look like a big man in front of your friends
12:51cheryl i think you are overreacting overreacting is painting the front door black because the cubs lost
12:57they are going to win the world series
13:04jim all i'm asking is that you never show that picture to anyone again
13:11okay
13:14i will never show that picture to anyone ever again
13:18okay thank you
13:21well where did you get a wallet size photo anyway
13:24oh kinkos
13:29those guys don't even know you
13:34are there any more
13:54just this coffee mug
13:58like it hot
14:00yeah cashier came up with that it's cute
14:04cheryl
14:06it was a woman
14:13i'm keeping the key chain
14:24i finally went down
14:26good
14:27so what did you end up doing for valentine's day
14:30i went to morton's saloon
14:32oh i'm sorry
14:34oh no don't be my waiter was drop dead gorgeous
14:37he really clicked we went out afterwards and talked for like two hours and then at the end of
14:42the night he gave me a single red rose it was one of the most romantic valentine's days i've ever had
14:50honey i'm so happy for you when are you going to see him again
14:55cheryl he's a waiter
15:01oh my god i have the same shoes as gwyneth paltrow
15:04yeah turn the page janet reno has them too
15:07hey kenny hey cheryl i just wanted to drop off this camisole for jim
15:16what
15:17huh
15:18you said camisole
15:20oh it's a blueprint
15:23oh all right i'll i'll give these two
15:25oh god
15:29why are you looking at me like that
15:32what
15:32you saw that picture of me didn't you no look i'm totally late love you i mean bye
15:45what was with him i have a pretty good idea daddy do you have any fives
15:53uh go fish i just gave you two vibes daddy
15:58oh fives
16:05yeah i got fives
16:10girls can you go upstairs but we're playing with daddy look i i'm not saying there's a pony in your room
16:18but i'm not saying there isn't
16:20a pony
16:22that's a good one with the ball
16:30kenny from work was just here that's weird he's been dead for two years
16:37oh good because a dead kenny i own money
16:41oh
16:46i told him he could bring these by on monday yeah yeah he's so sweet i guess he made a special trip
16:51so he could you know gawk at me
16:56well apparently in spite of our conversation you've been showing my picture to the guys at work
17:00cheryl i did not show that picture to anybody else i did not believe you
17:06you know i've been waiting for this day
17:10the day that i can actually truthfully deny doing what you're mad at me about
17:15i did not show anybody else that picture
17:23wow honesty that feels same
17:30all right i guess i believe you you guess well you had to see that picture somewhere
17:43you know what i mean
18:04hey pervert keep your eyes in your pants
18:08you know what i mean
18:09i told you you can't block my window now take your coat and get out of here
18:15that scantily clad woman with the parasol is my sister yeah right
18:22all right all right let me see let me see
18:28you must be the owner of this smut shop huh yes and it's a photography studio that is my half
18:36naked wife hanging in your window next to a dalmatian train conductor
18:42oh my god that's adorable oh did i miss that
18:46cheryl cheryl hi cheryl hey michelle did you park in front of a meter don't worry honey i put your
18:52paper bag over it oh that that's really big yeah well you don't have to worry about it right
19:02because it's coming down right now really i've gotten many compliments on it it's been great for
19:07business really oh that is ball don't listen to her honey you remember that time we were in a
19:14barbecue restaurant they took the snapshot of me eating ribs and then they they put it up in the
19:19window two weeks bam the place closed well jim it looked like you were eating a person
19:25it was embarrassing that thing is coming down that is coming down oh wait wait a minute
19:32are you saying that that people like the picture yeah when i tell the moms you have three kids they
19:37sign right on so michelle it's you're telling me that i'm like a poster girl for soccer mom
19:43okay that's it you say it real with your brother i'll handle this all right i'm done with the charm
19:49okay you you keep moving keep moving i'm the husband i am the boss that photograph comes down
19:57all right i don't want to cause any trouble michelle leave it up
20:02what well you heard her i'm a role model cheryl michael jordan is a role model
20:08and you don't see him running around in his underpants actually he does do those commercials
20:15are you a guy yeah help me here
20:25you can't believe that half naked photo of you hanging in this window in broad daylight for all
20:31this town to see for these coops and creeps go get that creep right there look at him he's
20:36staring these two of them please you're killing me here come on you can't do this it's just wrong
20:44honey and there's a million reasons for example like um like first of all like privacy privacy is an
20:56issue yes and um intimacy there you have it and and you probably shouldn't have shown that picture
21:10to the guys because it's really private between a husband and wife wife right right i know those are
21:17hard words you hear them but they needed to be said yeah well you look kind of rough with me
21:25you're killing me
21:33i am serious look it i didn't even go down on my knee when i proposed to you no no you certainly didn't
21:40kneel and gum i am really serious here i'm begging you to take this photograph down
21:50if you don't i'm gonna park myself right in front of this photoshop 24 hours a day seven days a week
21:57and then what's gonna happen i'm gonna lose my job and then you know what
22:02it's gonna be a public embarrassment for you and the children and then when somebody asks you who your
22:08husband is you know what you're gonna have to say oh he's the sneaky guy living in front of the
22:12photoshop
22:15you know the cute one with the with the gum on his knee
22:23come on baby please
22:28all right michelle take it down
22:30oh
22:35oh thank god
22:41how much is that doggie in the window two hundred dollars oh you saw me coming
22:45they scared me there's that bear oh it's so fair all over this photo hey hello everybody
23:02nobody's gonna see it whoa man hey you know what i think we've made up with a free frame
23:16sweetheart i want you to close your eyes
23:23okay you can open them i know you really love that emergency road kit i gave you
23:31and by the way i'm gonna replace the crackers but after you gave me such an amazing gift
23:38i just felt i needed to do something more so i got you this
23:50you can show this to anybody you want
23:56you
24:01you
24:01you
24:05you
24:07you
24:09you
24:11Transcription by CastingWords
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