- 6 weeks ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00hey I need a drink sound just like dad that didn't drink I know but your voice
00:12is deep like a man no no I have an audition in an hour with this great
00:20theater company I have to memorize a monologue from Shakespeare's Richard
00:24the third oh how's that going bad why would you even want to do Shakespeare well you
00:31know this could be a great opportunity for me you know really turn things
00:34around get people to take me as a serious actor plus I get to wear a crown you know
00:41maybe it would help you to memorize it if you understood the dialogue yeah but it's
00:46like a whole other language well let me help you let's start the first line okay
00:52now is the winter of our discontent interesting made glorious summer by
01:01this son of York okay sure and all the clouds that lowered upon our house in
01:08the deep bosom of the ocean buried you want to get a pizza oh god yes
01:22come on
01:25yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah everything gonna be alright
01:30come on
01:35everything's gonna be alright now
01:38everything's gonna be alright now
01:40come on
01:41come on
01:45Hey, Michael.
01:58Hey. Oh, how'd the Shakespeare edition go?
02:00I didn't get it. I'm going to be the understudy.
02:03That's great.
02:04Michael, I don't know what that means in rocket science business,
02:06but in show business, it means you suck.
02:10You're looking at this the wrong way.
02:11If the lead actor gets sick, you're in.
02:13This is an opportunity.
02:14You just need to be ready to seize it when your moment comes.
02:17Yeah?
02:18Absolutely. Remember what happened to Lou Gehrig?
02:21One day, Wally Pip got sick.
02:24Lou filled in for him.
02:25He was so good, he replaced him permanently.
02:27The guy played, like, every single game for 13 years.
02:30Michael, I can't play this part that long.
02:32I'm supposed to go to SeaWorld in three weeks.
02:35The point is, you could get your big break,
02:38and you need to be ready.
02:40Hmm.
02:41Yeah, I'll just wait for my chance,
02:43then I'll go out there and be the best Richard III there ever was.
02:46Well, actually, Sir Lawrence Olivier said a pretty high standard for that one.
02:49Hmm.
02:50Maybe I should put a sir in front of my name.
02:54Girl.
02:55Girl, girl, girl.
02:56Well, uh, hello.
02:57Hi.
02:58Let me help you with that.
02:59Thanks.
03:00And let me be the first to welcome you to the building.
03:02Oh, actually, I'm moving out of my apartment here and in with my fiancée.
03:06Oh, there you go.
03:11Joey, she's moving out.
03:13This is bad.
03:13This is really bad.
03:14Come on, Michael.
03:15You didn't have a chance with that girl.
03:17I could still get her.
03:18You want to see?
03:19No!
03:19Look!
03:21An apartment is open in the building.
03:23My mother's going to want to move in.
03:25Really?
03:26Yes!
03:26When I moved in here, she asked me if there was an apartment open for her.
03:29God, she hates being alone.
03:31And now I'm not there anymore to do yard work or move furniture around.
03:34No, uh, you move furniture?
03:37It's mostly wicker.
03:39This cannot happen.
03:40You have to help me.
03:41All right, all right, all right.
03:42Uh, well, we better take that sign down.
03:44You better just back off, mister.
03:46Get the...
03:50Good.
03:52I didn't hit your car!
03:54You wouldn't know if I hit your car!
03:57I just totally hit that guy's car.
04:01What's going on with you guys?
04:03It was nothing.
04:05What do we have here?
04:08A plant for rent?
04:11Pfft, California.
04:12What a bunch of weirdos, huh?
04:15All right, and we'll get dinner ready.
04:16Hey.
04:17Hey, guys.
04:18Hi, Gina.
04:19Hey, Howie.
04:19Hey, did you notice anything different about me?
04:22Did you get shorter?
04:23No, I've been working out.
04:26I have a Bowflex.
04:27Good things are happening to my body almost daily.
04:31I can make good things happen to your body almost daily, too.
04:38I want to marry her.
04:41Hey, that's not supposed to be here.
04:43It's supposed to go over there.
04:44Uh, hey, Howie, listen, uh, we don't want Gina to know about the empty apartment right now,
04:48so maybe don't mention it to her.
04:50Why can't she know?
04:50Uh, because if she finds out, she'll move into it, and we really don't want her living here.
04:54She'd move in here?
04:55Howard.
04:55I want that.
04:56Howard, no.
04:56I'm going to tell her.
04:57Howard.
04:57Gina!
04:58Hey!
04:58You want to have another pizza night, just you and me?
05:04That was the best night ever.
05:06We watched Die Hard, and then you showed me your Days of Our Lives cast photo, and pointed
05:09out everyone you slept with.
05:10Uh-huh.
05:11All right, well, we can do that again if you don't mention the empty apartment to Gina.
05:16Really?
05:16Yeah, but this time we can die harder.
05:20Ah, the same thing happens, only this time they're on a plane!
05:29Michael, guess what?
05:30Great news.
05:31The guy who plays Richard III has been throwing up all day.
05:34Really?
05:35Yeah, yeah, they think it might be serious.
05:36I'm going to get to go on.
05:37I'm so happy for you.
05:39See, I told you.
05:40So how are the lines coming?
05:41Ah, yeah, words.
05:44The worst part of acting.
05:46I can't get that opening monologue.
05:48I think I have too much information stored in my brain.
05:53It's an interesting theory.
05:56Hey, guys.
05:57Oh, hey.
05:58Hey, um, do you know what's been happening to the four rent signs I've been putting up?
06:01Yeah, yeah, we've been taking them down and tearing them up.
06:05And why have you been doing that?
06:06Because if my mom finds out there's an apartment here, she'll want to move in immediately.
06:10Oh, well, that might be okay.
06:11We're getting along pretty well.
06:13Really?
06:13You think you'd want her as a tenant?
06:14Okay, let's do a little role play, all right?
06:17I'll be Gina, and you come and ask me for the rent.
06:21Okay, Gina.
06:23Bite me, blondie!
06:27That felt so real.
06:30Okay, you know what?
06:31You're right.
06:31This can't happen.
06:32She's crazy.
06:33Whoa, whoa, whoa, Alex.
06:34We can talk about it like that, but you can't.
06:36That's my sister.
06:37Yeah, that's my mother.
06:38Oh, my God.
06:39I'm so sorry.
06:42Ah, we're just messing with you.
06:44She's crazy.
06:46So, look, we have to find someone else to live in that apartment.
06:48Is anybody interested in it?
06:49No, I was thinking of having an open house.
06:51Oh, oh, have one tomorrow.
06:52She has to go to San Diego for a wind convention.
06:54Ooh, San Diego.
06:55Only 20 more days till SeaWorld.
06:57Okay, this can totally work.
07:01I just have to rent it to someone by tomorrow.
07:03I just wish my husband were here.
07:04He's the real salesman in the family.
07:06Really?
07:07Yeah, the last apartment we had open, he rented no problem.
07:10Even though there was bad plumbing, faulty heating,
07:12and there's mold in the walls.
07:15Uh, weren't we the last people to move in?
07:17So SeaWorld, huh?
07:19Yeah.
07:27Uh, all hail King Meatball.
07:36Hey, you're gonna come see my play tonight, right?
07:38Pass up the chance to see you in makeup and tight?
07:40That's gonna be my Christmas card.
07:43So, you ready to go on?
07:45Yeah, yeah, I got everything down except that damn opening monologue.
07:48Hey, what do you think about sitting in the front row
07:50and mouthing the words to me?
07:51I don't know it.
07:53You know it better than I do.
07:57Hello?
08:00Uh-huh?
08:02Oh.
08:04Okay.
08:05Uh, thanks.
08:06Bye.
08:08Uh-oh.
08:09Paternity test results?
08:13No, that was the theater calling.
08:15I'm going on tonight.
08:16You knew that.
08:17Different theater, different play.
08:20What?
08:21Well, I liked understudying so much,
08:23I took another job.
08:25I, I, I over-understudied.
08:28You know, why would you do that?
08:30Well, I figured if I understudied in more than one thing,
08:32it'd increase my odds of getting on stage.
08:35You know, you think just enough
08:36to really screw things up for yourself.
08:39I know, I know.
08:40I can't believe this.
08:42What are the chances of two people getting sick at the same time?
08:44Well, it's flu season.
08:46Get a flu shot.
08:47You didn't get a flu shot.
08:48I'm not in a play.
08:51What am I going to do?
08:53Hey, Joey, there was a weird phone message for you.
08:56Your producer called, said you were going on tonight.
08:58Yeah, yeah, honey.
08:59He knows already.
09:00He's in two plays tonight.
09:01Actually, I should hear this.
09:05Well, okay, the message was Trent's stuck in Florida,
09:07so they need you to play the part of Gus.
09:08You're in three plays?
09:10Oh, I was afraid it was Gus.
09:13Damn it, Trent.
09:14Unprofessional, unprofessional, unprofessional.
09:16So what's the third play about?
09:22I don't remember.
09:25Joey, what are you going to do?
09:27Well, I don't know.
09:27I can only do one.
09:29Well, hey, don't do the one with the monologue in it,
09:30because you don't know that very well.
09:32Yeah, but I haven't studied the dancing
09:33in that cowboy thing at all.
09:40I don't know.
09:43Oh, please do that one.
09:46I can't believe this.
09:47What are the chances?
09:48It's like everything is lining up to screw me.
09:50It's the understudy perfect storm.
10:01Joey, thank you for coming in.
10:04Listen, the reason that I called...
10:06No, no, no, no.
10:06You didn't call me.
10:07I called you.
10:08Oh, good.
10:10I was just about to make something up.
10:14Okay, look, Bobby,
10:15I got a real problem,
10:16and I need your help.
10:17I took an understudy role in this play.
10:19Oh, no, I hate plays.
10:22No, that's not the problem.
10:24Oh, it gets worse?
10:26Well, I signed up to understudy
10:28in three different plays,
10:29and they all want me to go on tonight.
10:31What?
10:32Oh, why can't you just have a coke problem
10:36like everyone else?
10:37I'll give that some thought.
10:40All right.
10:41You have to do three plays at once.
10:43Well, lucky for you,
10:44I am the queen of multitasking.
10:46Right now, as we are talking,
10:48I am doing butt clenches,
10:50and I'm learning Spanish in this earpiece.
10:54Me llamo Bobby.
10:57I'm trying to seduce a Mexican soap star.
11:02All right.
11:03Let's see if we can juggle these.
11:06All three plays are at the same time?
11:09Uh, no, no, no.
11:10One starts a little earlier.
11:12Oh, and one, I'm not in until the second act.
11:14Great!
11:15So you can do both of those.
11:16And for the third,
11:18maybe we can get the actor to go on.
11:20Oh, how am I gonna do that?
11:22Well, I'd offer to call
11:24and threaten to ruin his career,
11:26but I couldn't get much worse.
11:28He's doing a play.
11:31Uh, maybe I can just go talk to him.
11:33You do that.
11:35You'll think of something to say.
11:37You're a big, bright guy.
11:39Yeah, yeah, I get that a lot.
11:42Really?
11:44Well, enough of that
11:46don de star la playa crap.
11:49How do you say,
11:50take off my bra?
11:53Quítame mi braciel.
12:03Hey, Alex,
12:04how's the open house going?
12:05Okay, we've had a few bites,
12:07but no one's really interested.
12:08Did you mention there's a celebrity
12:10living in the complex?
12:11There is?
12:12Who?
12:12Uh, Sir Joey Tribbiani.
12:15Oh, yeah.
12:16Well, let's keep that quiet.
12:18We don't want the paparazzi
12:18crawling around here.
12:20I hate those bastards
12:21always following me around
12:22in their helicopters.
12:26Well, you better rent it soon,
12:27because Gina's gonna be back
12:28from San Diego
12:28in a couple of hours.
12:29Okay, well,
12:29I'm doing the best I can.
12:31It's not like I've got
12:31the greatest prospects here.
12:33Oh, look,
12:33don't be so choosy, all right?
12:34The important thing is
12:35to rent it to someone
12:36who's not, my sister,
12:37all right?
12:38And maybe someone who's hot
12:39and has Hollywood connections
12:40and HDTV.
12:42Get out of here!
12:46Hey, Michael.
12:47It looks like there's a lot of people
12:48at the open house.
12:49Hi, Gina.
12:52We're here.
12:53What happened to your wig convention?
12:54Oh, a lot of stylists
12:55came down with the flu,
12:56so they canceled the whole thing.
12:58Flu?
12:58You are killing me!
13:01All right, Michael.
13:01I'm just gonna get you laundry
13:02and I'll be on my way.
13:03Hey, Ma.
13:03How long has she been here?
13:06Did she see the open house?
13:07No, she came before it started,
13:08but now she just has to stay
13:09till it's over.
13:10So, how are we gonna keep her here?
13:12Uh...
13:12Oh, wait.
13:13Keeping her here would be easy.
13:14What's her favorite thing
13:15to do in the world?
13:16Uh, telling us what to do.
13:17Be more specific.
13:18Uh, telling me what to do.
13:19Exactly.
13:20So, just ask her advice
13:21about something.
13:22Uh, like what?
13:23All right, don't worry.
13:24I'll help.
13:24I've been working on improv
13:25with my new theater company.
13:26Watch me think on my feet.
13:29This is scary.
13:31All right.
13:31Got your laundry.
13:32I'm gonna take off.
13:33Okay, Mom.
13:33You know what?
13:34Stay.
13:35Just because I want to talk.
13:36I have a problem.
13:37With what?
13:38Well, it's a problem with...
13:40A girl.
13:41Yes, with a girl.
13:42Really?
13:43What's her name?
13:44Raisin.
13:49Yes, uh...
13:50Her name is Raisin,
13:52and she's a little bit...
13:53Cajun!
13:56She's a little bit Cajun.
13:57And her father's a dirty cop!
14:00Okay.
14:00I'm glad you came to me about this.
14:02Here's what you're gonna do.
14:03Wait, you actually have some advice
14:04about my Cajun girlfriend, Raisin?
14:08First, there's a few things
14:09that you two need to get straight, okay?
14:10Okay, great.
14:11I'm taking off.
14:12Joey, where are you going?
14:13It turns out, time-wise,
14:14I can still do Richard III
14:15and then make it across town
14:17for the second act
14:17in the cowboy musical.
14:18So now,
14:19I gotta convince a sick actor
14:20in the third play
14:21that he's well enough
14:21to go on instead of me.
14:22Okay, I'm ready.
14:35That's exactly what the case is today.
14:37Hey, Tim.
14:38$3,000.
14:40Who are you?
14:42It's me, Joey.
14:43You're understudy.
14:44What are you doing here?
14:45Oh, uh, your roommate let me in.
14:47I just really wanted to thank you
14:48for giving me the chance
14:49to go on tonight.
14:50I want you to know
14:51that I am not gonna let you down.
14:53I've been busy
14:53making the role of Harry my own.
14:55You mean Henry?
14:55Good thing I'm getting out of this one.
15:00Anyway,
15:01I just want to tell you
15:02a little story, Tim.
15:03Do you like baseball?
15:04Not really,
15:05but I like A-Rod.
15:06He's yummy.
15:09Amen.
15:10Yeah, anyway,
15:11you remind me of this first baseman,
15:13Wally Pip.
15:14Why?
15:14Did he die with an understudy
15:16in his room?
15:19No.
15:20No, but he was sick one day
15:21and he allowed a young,
15:22no-name backup
15:23to come into the game for him
15:24and he never made it
15:25back into the lineup.
15:26You know why?
15:27Why?
15:28Because his replacement
15:29turned out to be Lou Gehrig,
15:31one of the most beloved figures
15:33in baseball,
15:33hitting almost 500 home runs.
15:38You do know what a home run is, right?
15:39I'm not that gay.
15:42Sorry.
15:43Anyway,
15:43I just, uh,
15:44just want to leave you
15:45with that little story
15:45before I go out tonight
15:46and act one out of the park.
15:48Wait,
15:49why are you telling me this?
15:50Are you threatening me?
15:51If I was,
15:52would it work?
15:52Is this some kind of
15:53all-about-Eve situation?
15:56If it was,
15:57would it work?
15:59You know,
15:59maybe I am starting
16:00to feel a little better.
16:01Really?
16:02Yeah.
16:02I think I can go on tonight.
16:04Well, hey,
16:04if that's what you want, Tim,
16:05I'm not going to be
16:06the one to stop you.
16:07If only I hadn't stopped by.
16:10You know,
16:10coming in here
16:11and trying to talk me
16:11into going on,
16:12you may be the worst
16:13understudy ever.
16:14You have no idea.
16:15Hey, did you rent
16:22the apartment yet?
16:23I did, finally.
16:24Actually, to a really nice girl
16:26who just moved here
16:26from New York.
16:27Uh-oh.
16:28I hope it's not someone
16:29I slept with
16:29and never called back.
16:31I doubt it.
16:32I mean, what are the odds?
16:34Actually, quite high.
16:36Come on,
16:36let's go tell Michael
16:37the good news.
16:38Well, she really sounds
16:39worth fighting for.
16:41But remember,
16:41the Cajun
16:41aren't emotional people.
16:45Okay, Mom.
16:45Uh, thanks for the advice.
16:47And I want to meet this raisin.
16:48Oh, that's actually
16:49going to be difficult
16:49because she lives
16:50in a submarine.
16:55She lives on a submarine.
16:59All right,
17:00I'm going to take off.
17:01Okay, okay.
17:03Keeping the secret's
17:03been torturing me.
17:04I can't eat.
17:05I can't sleep.
17:06I can barely both legs.
17:09Gina,
17:10there's an apartment
17:10for rent across the way.
17:13What?
17:14They didn't want me
17:14to tell you,
17:15but I want you
17:16to live here.
17:17I think you deserve to know
17:18because you're super,
17:19super pretty.
17:21No more diehard
17:22for you, Howie.
17:23Really?
17:23Because I just ordered pizza.
17:25Bring it down
17:25and we'll talk.
17:29Did you know about this?
17:31Hey, hey, hey.
17:31She had nothing
17:32to do with it.
17:33It's true.
17:34I would have rented it
17:35to you in a second.
17:36I love having you around.
17:37In fact...
17:37Bite me, Blondie.
17:38Okay.
17:40Wow.
17:44It's all day
17:45you've been trying
17:45to keep me
17:46from finding out
17:46about this place.
17:47You guys must have
17:48really not wanted
17:49me to live here, huh?
17:50Look, Gina,
17:51I just thought
17:52it would be better
17:52for Michael.
17:53Look, Mom,
17:55I'm sorry.
17:56I just...
17:58I like things
17:59the way they are.
17:59I like having
18:00my own space.
18:03Me too.
18:06What?
18:06Look, there was a time
18:09not too long ago
18:10when I would have
18:10wanted to live there
18:11and be closer to you.
18:13But I have to say,
18:13this is kind of
18:14working out for me.
18:16I mean, I went straight
18:16from being a kid
18:17to raising a kid.
18:18I've never really
18:18lived alone before.
18:21I've never lived
18:21alone either.
18:24And it's scary,
18:25but it's nice.
18:28I've got the whole
18:29place to myself.
18:30I can listen to bad music
18:31whenever I want.
18:32I can light my smelly
18:33candles that you hate
18:34and I can take
18:34super long baths.
18:35He's always interrupting
18:36my baths.
18:40I guess I'm figuring out
18:42who I am away from you.
18:44And it's strange,
18:45but I'm kind of having fun.
18:49Huh.
18:51What?
18:53It's just,
18:54it's weird.
18:55I guess I didn't want
18:57you to smother me,
18:58but now that you're
18:58not doing it anymore,
18:59it's actually kind of sad.
19:01You know, I guess
19:02things are changing.
19:04Yeah.
19:06In fact, maybe you should
19:08start doing your own
19:08laundry.
19:09Ha-ha!
19:12And maybe you guys
19:13should start cooking
19:14for yourselves, too.
19:15Hey, you are
19:16this boy's mother!
19:25Now is the winter
19:32of our discontent.
19:35What's the next line?
19:37What's the next line?
19:40God, please
19:41help me get through this,
19:43and I promise
19:44from now on
19:44I will not understudy
19:46for more than
19:46two plays at once.
19:47Now is the winter
19:59of our discontent.
20:02Made glorious summer
20:04by this sun
20:05of York
20:06and all the clouds
20:08that lowered
20:09upon our house
20:10in the deep bosom
20:12of the ocean buried.
20:13Now are our brows
20:17bound with
20:17victorious wreaths,
20:19our bruised arms
20:21hung up for monuments,
20:23our stern alarms
20:24changed to
20:25merry meetings,
20:27our dreadful marches
20:29to
20:29delightful measures.
20:31Also, enjoy
20:53the cowboys!
20:54Oh, I can't believe
21:01I finally nailed
21:02that speech.
21:04It was in the wrong
21:04play, but still.
21:06I would like to
21:07make a toast
21:08to my brother
21:09to his L.A. stage debut.
21:11Oh.
21:11To acting.
21:13To acting.
21:13To acting.
21:14Uh,
21:15to independence.
21:18To independence.
21:19To independence.
21:20Oh, and to
21:21Michael and Raisin.
21:24To Michael and Raisin.
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