- 2 days ago
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00:00I'm going straight, I'm straight as an arrow
00:17I'll pay the price and done the time
00:22I'm going straight, I am
00:26But I'm straight and narrow
00:29And I don't mean straight back in crime
00:34This way, gentlemen, please.
00:59Now, Mrs. Gilchrist, I want you just to walk along the line and if you recognize the man in question, point him out.
01:10There's no need to speak, just point to it, right?
01:13Thank you, sir.
01:14Thank you, sir.
01:17Thank you, sir.
01:19You look relieved.
01:24You look relieved.
01:37I beg your pardon?
01:39I do not.
01:40Yes, you do.
01:41I heard your knees knocking.
01:42Fine, please.
01:43I'm afraid not.
01:45I'm afraid not.
01:47You're sure?
01:48Take your time.
01:50I'm positive, Inspector.
01:51As I told you, he had ginger hair, curly ginger hair.
01:55Might have been a wig.
01:57Clutching at straws.
01:59He wants an arrest.
02:00He don't care who.
02:01Quiet, please.
02:02Let them go.
02:06Thank you for your cooperation, gentlemen.
02:09Little choice, some of us.
02:11Don't moan, Fletch.
02:12You got a free cup of tea out of it, didn't you?
02:15I'm not looking for a hand out, am I?
02:17Look, why do you harass us old lags, eh?
02:19It's not harassment, Fletch.
02:21Just that you've got a villainous face gives our line-up the right sort of tone.
02:26You don't recognise me, do you?
02:31Dave Piebus.
02:33Used to use your local in the old days.
02:35Andam Flower.
02:36When Alf Tonks was there.
02:38Oh, Alf, yeah, yeah.
02:39Sorry, I still don't...
02:40You know my brother?
02:41Eric Clapper Piebus.
02:43Oh, Clapper.
02:44Yeah, Clapper.
02:45That rings a bell.
02:51So, how is he then?
02:52Clapper?
02:53Yeah.
02:54Oh, going like him, innit he?
02:55Going like him?
02:56The Clappers.
02:57Oh, he's doing very nicely, is Eric.
02:59He's got a big house up at Arrow on the Hill.
03:01Georgian style.
03:02With a full-size billiard table, sauna bath, the works.
03:05Oh, he does very nicely.
03:07And he's never been done, you know.
03:09He's got no form.
03:10How about yourself?
03:11Oh, I had a bit of a setback a couple of years ago.
03:14Yeah, well, we all have a few of them, don't we?
03:16Been out long, have you?
03:18Not long, no, no.
03:20How's it going?
03:21Oh, very well, very well.
03:22I've got a house, muzzle on the hill.
03:24Yeah.
03:25That's right.
03:26Mine's Georgian.
03:27In my case, George the Fifth.
03:29We haven't got a sauna bath, but we've got a little shed at the bottom of the garden
03:32that houses a couple of cycles and a ringer.
03:34You know what I mean?
03:35I know what it's like me on me.
03:36Do you?
03:37To look at you, Dave, I wouldn't say you was exactly on your uppers.
03:40Eh?
03:41I mean, that whistle.
03:43The car you drove us here in.
03:45Automatic, two-tone, real leather upholstery, wing mirrors.
03:48Thinking of changing it, well, it's coming up to 20,000.
03:51And my bloke, you know, what puts the spanners to it, he says,
03:54Dave, best do it now before something big goes like the gearbox.
03:57Yes, I know what you mean, yes.
03:58I have the same problem with me bike.
04:01I've got to trade at him before the bell drops off.
04:05Here, Fletch, listen.
04:08It might be quite fortuitous, all bumping into you like this.
04:11Oh, yeah?
04:12Well, it might be that I'm in a position to, er, help you out.
04:16Oh, yes.
04:18Might be that I could put something your way.
04:21Put what my way?
04:22Why should you do me any favours, David?
04:24You're not a question of favours, is he?
04:26You're a gem bloke, you are, Fletch.
04:28To come by these days, solid reputation.
04:31I know people who value integrity.
04:33Yeah, I think I should tell you before you go any further, my old son,
04:35that I am going straight.
04:36Of course you are.
04:37That's clearly understood.
04:38What also should be clearly understood,
04:40that anything that is put my way will not be considered
04:43unless it is strictly within the letter of the law.
04:45Oh, what sort of a person do you think I am?
04:47A crooked sort of a person.
04:48The sort of person that my parole officer tells me to avoid.
04:51Well, it depends on how you define crooked, mate.
04:53I mean, just crooked and crooky.
04:55Yeah, well, you're both kinds, aren't you?
04:57I run a legitimate business now.
05:00We manufacture party novelties, paper hats, jokes.
05:03Yeah, all right, yes, all right, Dave.
05:04I appreciate, I appreciate the offer, and the drinks, of course,
05:07but I am keeping me nose clean.
05:09Not for myself, for me family.
05:10My daughter's getting married a couple of weeks.
05:12You'll need some readies for that.
05:14Got anything going?
05:15Oh, yeah, yeah, got lots of things going.
05:17Oh, yes, yes.
05:18Matter of fact, I'm thinking of transferring all my assets
05:20to an offshore tax haven in Bermuda, you know?
05:23Yeah.
05:24On the other hand, bearing in mind all the political unrest in the Caribbean,
05:27I think probably, in the long run, it would be better to leave it where it is.
05:30In the piggy bank on the mantelpiece.
05:32I've found me, Fred, you nearly had me going there.
05:35Here, look, tell you what, think about it.
05:37Change your mind.
05:39There's where you can contact me.
05:41Oh, yeah.
05:43Here you are.
05:44Here's where you can contact me.
05:47Might as well your probation office.
05:49That's right, yeah.
05:50Any Tuesday and Friday, call in.
05:52Ten o'clock sharp, cos I'm an F, see?
05:54You'll see me standing in line with all the other poor Fs.
06:01Hi, lad.
06:02You had to sleep?
06:04They should have woke me.
06:05Oh, I couldn't bring myself to.
06:07You look ever so sweet when you're asleep.
06:09You look about six years old.
06:11I feel a bit older than that when I wake up, though.
06:14Don't!
06:15You'll mess up my pattern.
06:17I'm halfway through the bodies.
06:19Ooh, it's a nice word, that bodice.
06:21And with his teeth, he loosened the strap of a pink bodice.
06:29Oh, my God.
06:31Feed him time again, is it?
06:34Hello, Fletch.
06:35Hi, lad.
06:37I think my presence in this house adds a bit of spice to your courtship,
06:40doesn't it, eh?
06:41A heat of the illicit, do you know what I mean?
06:43Cos you never know when I'm going to walk in, do you?
06:45I think when you're married and it's all above board,
06:47your sex knife will fizzle out.
06:49No, nothing will change.
06:51Cos we'll still be living here.
06:53What?
06:54Until we find a decent place.
06:55Oh, I see.
06:56And you'll be just as irritable when you come through the door.
06:59Listen, it is usual for people to put aside a little bit of cash
07:02before they rush headlong into marriage,
07:03so they're not a burden on their in-laws.
07:05Oh, come on, Dad.
07:06You'd hate it if I left.
07:08Well, who'd look after you then?
07:10Not Raymond, that's for sure.
07:12Yeah, nothing will change.
07:13I'll still be on the road most of the time,
07:15and for half the week you'll be able to treat this house as if it was your own.
07:18Oh, that'll make a change, won't it?
07:22You are nice to me, aren't you, Len?
07:24Very nice indeed.
07:25Oh, don't sit down here, Dave.
07:26There's pins all over the place.
07:28Right.
07:29Wedding dress, is it?
07:30Going away outfit.
07:32Oh, going away outfit?
07:33Would you make him one?
07:34I'd like him to go away as soon as possible.
07:36Where are you going, anyhow?
07:38Oh, I can never pronounce it.
07:39What's it called, Len?
07:40Lanzarote.
07:41Lanzarote.
07:42That's it.
07:43Lanzarote.
07:44Lanzarote?
07:45Where the hell's that?
07:46Well, we're not quite sure because we can't find it on the map.
07:49But it's out of the ordinary, you know.
07:52It's not too touristy.
07:54It's volcanic.
07:55Oh, that'd be nice, wouldn't it?
07:57That'd get you out of bed in the morning, wouldn't it?
08:02Don't be daft, Dad.
08:03It's dormant.
08:04Oh, volcanoes is dormant.
08:06In they go, eh?
08:07Until that terrible night when they suddenly erupt,
08:09cover everyone in molten rock and flying sherbet.
08:12You could be right, Lenny.
08:14You'll never know with these things.
08:16Ah, don't listen to him.
08:17If there was any danger,
08:18it wouldn't be a fast-growing holiday centre,
08:20as described in the brochure.
08:21I don't know why you pick a place you can't pronounce,
08:24you can't find on the map,
08:25and it's covered in volcanoes.
08:26Because it's cheap.
08:29We're getting a special deal from Marian's boyfriend.
08:31Him was got the travel agency.
08:33Him?
08:34He's the bloke who left a plane load of Welshmen
08:36stranded in Morocco, ain't he?
08:37None of whom have ever been heard of since.
08:40They're probably all still there singing away.
08:42Keeping a welcome in the waddies.
08:44Leave it off, eh?
08:47There's no need to put the mockers on this wedding.
08:50I'm just interested in your finances, that's all.
08:52Who's paying for all this?
08:54I'll tell you.
08:55I've told you about the honeymoon.
08:57That's, er, courtesy of Marian.
08:59Indirectly.
09:00My wedding outfit's courtesy of the girls at the salon,
09:04cos they had a whip round.
09:06And, er, Len's mum's brother is Uncle Bertram.
09:10He's donating the cake cos he's a baker.
09:13And, er, we're doing it in the registry office
09:17to save the expense of a church.
09:19Oh, yeah.
09:20What about the reception?
09:22You'll need a hall, caterers, won't you?
09:24And loads of booze, knowing our lot.
09:26Not to mention the hordes of gobbers
09:28that are going to come crawling out the woodwork.
09:31Who's going to pay for all that?
09:32Have you seen my thimble anywhere, then?
09:36I said, who's going to pay for all that?
09:38Well, I dropped it somewhere.
09:39Is it on the floor, love?
09:40Look, never mind under the thimble.
09:42Let us discuss this, shall we?
09:44Now, listen, you know my...
09:45Would you mind pointing the other end at me
09:47when I'm talking to you, please?
09:48You know my situation, but you are my daughter,
09:50which makes me the father of the bride.
09:52And, as such, I intend to do my best.
09:54Much as Spencer Tracy did in the film of the same name.
09:57Now, then, you know I can't run to the Dorchester,
10:00but I've had a word with old Ernie Lacks,
10:02him who keeps the lamb a flag,
10:03he says we can have their back room.
10:05We can take the boards off the windows
10:07and air it out a bit.
10:08Get some folding chairs in there,
10:10maybe put a big double sheet over their old billiard table,
10:12like a tablecloth, see?
10:13That's very sweet of you, but...
10:16Well, we can't have it here, can we?
10:18There's no room here, is there?
10:19I know, I know.
10:21Dave Greener's Garage.
10:22That's the place.
10:23That's good.
10:24It's all been taken care of, Dad.
10:25Yeah, you can dance there, can't you?
10:26If you change your mind, honey, I'm still...
10:29I said it's all been taken care of.
10:32Er, I'll see if your thimble's in the kitchen and good.
10:35You stay here, you.
10:37Taken care of, how?
10:39Well, er, you know the old manor house up near Stanmore?
10:43Yeah.
10:44Well, it's gonna be there in the Gilbert and Sullivan room.
10:47You can't afford that.
10:50It's booked and paid for.
10:52Who, by?
10:53Well, er...
10:56Mum was over Tuesday, see, er...
10:59You know, discussing this and that, and...
11:01Oh, she was sorry to miss you, but I think you was down in the probation office.
11:04Yes, yes, yes.
11:05Anyway, she suddenly told me that this was a present from her and, er...
11:09Reg?
11:11What?
11:12You're not taking anything from Reg Jessop.
11:15He is not family.
11:16He is merely the bloke who's shacked up with your mother.
11:19Well, that makes him a sort of...
11:21You shut up.
11:22It don't make him nothing.
11:24Apart from exhausted.
11:26I've known Reg for years, Dad.
11:29He's almost like an uncle.
11:31Besides, it's Mum's present.
11:33It's just that it's him who's got the...
11:35Go on, go on.
11:36Say it.
11:37Money, money, money, money, money.
11:39You think of nobody but yourselves, you two.
11:42Well, it is our wedding.
11:43It's just that we know your circumstances.
11:46Yeah, we know at this point in time you haven't got the wherewithal.
11:49But believe me, Fletch, if you had anything at all,
11:52Ingrid and me would only be too pleased to take it.
11:54Well, that's nice, isn't it?
12:00I didn't mean it like that.
12:03Money, money, money.
12:05Must be funny.
12:07She's a rich man, whoa.
12:10Money, money, money.
12:12Shut up.
12:13Money, money, money.
12:16Fletch?
12:17Oh, hello, Dave.
12:19Thanks for coming over.
12:20I'm sorry, I'm late.
12:21I only got your message an hour ago.
12:23The wife rang me.
12:24I was at the White City.
12:25Oh, yeah.
12:26Who was that I spoke to on the phone then?
12:27That would have been the wife.
12:28Oh, really?
12:29She's got a deep voice, hasn't she?
12:31Sound like a fella to me.
12:33A fella?
12:34Yeah.
12:35Round my house?
12:36Yeah.
12:37Answering my telephone?
12:39Yeah.
12:40Oh, probably her brother.
12:42Yeah.
12:43West country accent.
12:44Yeah.
12:45West country accent.
12:46More your West Indian.
12:48But...
12:49Round my house?
12:50Yeah.
12:51Oh, dear.
12:52I've obviously opened up a complete new can of peas here, haven't I?
12:54Or in your case, mangoes.
12:56Now, there is obviously a perfectly simple explanation why there should be a big West Indian round
13:01your wife at nine o'clock this evening.
13:03But what?
13:04Well, I don't know.
13:05I don't know your wife, do I?
13:06I didn't know you had a wife until I rang up and spoke to her lover.
13:09Er, spoke to the blooper.
13:10Who was doing what he was doing round there.
13:12I'll sort that out later.
13:13Yeah, I think you're better, Dave.
13:14Sooner the better and all.
13:15Well, obviously that's not why I asked you round here.
13:17No, of course it isn't.
13:18I suppose you can guess why I did ask you round, can you?
13:20Well, I put two and two together.
13:22Yeah, yeah.
13:23Much as that West Indian was doing with your wife, I just think.
13:25Oi!
13:26Just a joke.
13:27Just a joke.
13:28So, what are the details of this assignment, then?
13:30It's all right to talk here, is it?
13:32Yeah, yeah.
13:33Safe as houses here.
13:34This is what you do, is it?
13:35Night porter.
13:36Pro tem, pro tem, yes.
13:38I can see why you had second thought you can't be making much at this.
13:42I haven't said I'm having second thoughts, Dave.
13:44I want to hear more details first.
13:46What is my function in this caper?
13:48Just peripheral.
13:49Is that the word?
13:51Well, it is a word, certainly, yes.
13:53What does it mean?
13:54What I mean is on the fringe.
13:57Look out, like.
13:58Listen, I'm having no trouble with violence.
14:00Is that understood?
14:01I never have and I never will.
14:02So if you're going in armed or about to break heads, count me out, right?
14:05You make a lot of demands you do for a night porter.
14:07I've told you I'm not that desperate.
14:09I just need a few readies for the, you know.
14:11Oh, put your mind at rest, my son.
14:13There'll be none of that.
14:14These lads, I tell you, they're a 24-carrot bunch.
14:17Oh, it's a big bunch of carrots, isn't it?
14:19They're not desperate either.
14:21This has been planned meticulous.
14:24It's the ace job.
14:25Every job I've ever done is the ace job.
14:28Well, this is.
14:29And for doing next to naff all, there's 500 quid in it for you.
14:36500 quid?
14:37When is it?
14:50Saturday week.
14:51Oh, Saturday week.
14:52Well, that's that.
14:53That's put the tin out on that one, has it?
14:54Why?
14:55Well, my daughter's getting married Saturday week.
14:58Oh, dear.
14:59What time?
15:00Two o'clock.
15:01Oh, well, you're all right, then.
15:02We'll be through by noon.
15:04Noon?
15:05Guaranteed.
15:06It's too dodgy.
15:07No, honest.
15:08Has to be.
15:10Some of these lads had planes to catch.
15:14Planes?
15:15I told you, Fletch.
15:16It's big.
15:17I'm not talking about you and me, but for the top echelon like these lads is awful way
15:22to sunnier climbs.
15:24They're going to be tax exiles.
15:27Like Rod Stewart and the Rolling Stones.
15:29Funny they made their money out of daylight robbery and all, didn't they?
15:35All right.
15:45Fletch?
15:46Fletch?
15:47Yes, Mr McCoyle.
15:48Just getting up, yes.
15:49Oh, my God.
15:50Oh, it's you.
15:51What do you want?
15:52Sorry.
15:53Sorry?
15:54What about?
15:55For waking you.
15:56Oh.
15:57You woke me up to tell me you're sorry for waking me, did you?
15:59No, I had to.
16:00I've got to go to Wallasey.
16:01Oh, I see.
16:02You woke me up to tell me you're driving that great big heap of scrap to Wallasey.
16:05I brought you a mug of tea.
16:06Listen.
16:07No, I had to.
16:08I've got to go to Wallasey.
16:09Oh, I see.
16:10You woke me up to tell me you're driving that great big heap of scrap to Wallasey.
16:13I brought you a mug of tea.
16:14Listen, if your battery's flat and you want to push, forget it.
16:17I haven't got me elephant with me.
16:19No, I had to talk to you, Fletch, and what with all this overtime I'm putting in,
16:23I won't get a chance to talk to you before the wedding.
16:25Talk what about?
16:26The wedding.
16:27Oh, calling it off, are you?
16:29Got cold feet, have you?
16:30Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?
16:32You don't think I can make Ingrid happy, do you?
16:35Well, I can.
16:36I can make her happy.
16:37Happy?
16:38What is happy?
16:39Happiness is a warm truck driver, is that it?
16:40You don't think I'm good enough for Ingrid, do you?
16:42Never have done.
16:43Well, you're not.
16:44I suppose you saw her marrying some sort of bloke with a nice accent and a hacking jacket and a cravat.
16:49Bit like Dirk Bogart when he was a doctor in the house.
16:52Listen, don't get stroppy with me, you know what I'm like when I'm first thing in the morning.
16:55I'll get up and thump you.
16:56Is this sugared?
16:57Of course it's sugared.
16:58Two and a half.
16:59Think I don't know how to make your tea.
17:01The number of cups of tea I've made for you in the nick waiting on your hand and foot.
17:04Oh, I could hear.
17:05What are you getting so grumpy about?
17:07Because you get up my goat, you do.
17:09Wrong.
17:10Pardon?
17:11I get your goat.
17:12I don't get up your goat.
17:14I'll get up your nose.
17:15Or on your wick.
17:16You do all three.
17:17I'm off.
17:18Come here.
17:19Come here.
17:20Come here.
17:21You haven't told me yet, have you?
17:22I'm not going to now.
17:23I'm not in the mood.
17:24Oh, come on, Lenny.
17:25This is a lovely cup of tea you made me.
17:26Come on.
17:27Nicest cup of tea you've ever made me, this is.
17:30Because usually you stew it.
17:32Look, never again.
17:33Never again will I make you a cup of tea or fry you an egg or nothing.
17:36Well, have you fried me an egg ever?
17:37No.
17:38Well, could you poach it?
17:39I've gone all fried eggs.
17:40You make it almost impossible for me to be nice to hear you do.
17:42I'm sorry, Len.
17:43I'm sorry.
17:44All right.
17:45I'll behave.
17:46Go on.
17:47You just sit down and get it off your chest.
17:48Come on.
17:49Look.
17:50I may not be the most desirable of son-in-laws.
17:51True.
17:52But way.
17:53Fact remains, I am marrying your daughter on Saturday.
17:56And Ingrid and I have been at loggerheads about your role at this wedding.
17:59Because I'm not going to be the most desirable of son-in-laws.
18:02True.
18:03But way.
18:05The fact remains, I am marrying your daughter on Saturday.
18:08And Ingrid and I have been at loggerheads about your role at this wedding.
18:11Because as father the bride, you should be giving her away.
18:14Who else?
18:15No, no-one else.
18:16No-one else.
18:17Just that we've got a bit of a problem.
18:20How can you be in two places at once?
18:23What do you know?
18:24Who have you been talking to?
18:25Nobody.
18:26Only Ingrid.
18:27Well, what do you mean by that, then?
18:28Well, only that as well as giving her away,
18:32I would like you to be my best man.
18:36Your best man?
18:39Yeah, see, I've got no friends of me own age, Fletch.
18:43I mean, you stabbed, but prison changed all that.
18:46Half of them didn't want to know and the other half are still inside themselves.
18:50Well, anyway, I said to myself, I said, I said, Lenny, I said,
18:54who's been closest to you over the last year or so.
18:57And the truth is, it's you, Fletch.
18:59I mean, you got me through stirred, didn't you?
19:02I mean, you've been my mate, my cellie, my mentor.
19:06Father figure in some ways.
19:08Father-in-law, soon to be.
19:11I've always admired you, Fletch.
19:14I always respected you in the nick, but nothing like I respect you now you're going straight.
19:19I mean, it's been tough for you, Fletch, tougher for you than for me because,
19:24well, I'm younger than you and I've got Ingrid's love to sustain me.
19:28But what you're doing now, well...
19:31Well, anyway, what we thought was, with your say-so,
19:36was that if you accompanied Ingrid on your arm as father of the bride
19:40and then, at the appropriate moment, changed over to my side with the ring in your brain...
19:45OK.
19:47You sure you haven't thought this up as some sort of economy measure?
19:52Fletch, I know you're hung up about not paying your whack, but...
19:55Well, so would any father of the bride be like that.
19:57If only you hadn't rushed headlong into things.
20:00I mean, I could have dealt with it all.
20:02If only you'd waited five years.
20:05Well, we know that, Fletch, but...
20:08If you agree to what we say, your contribution to this wedding
20:11will be a ruddy sight more than paying some catering bill.
20:17I see.
20:19So is it on, then?
20:21Yeah.
20:22Don't see why not.
20:24Great.
20:26Well, I'll be off, then.
20:29Lenny?
20:30Yeah?
20:31I'm not the saint you think I am, you know.
20:35Well, none of us are, is we?
20:38I'm...
20:39I'm glad you're marrying my daughter.
20:44Pardon?
20:48I said I'm glad you're marrying my daughter.
20:50I'm sorry, Fletch.
20:51I didn't quite catch it.
20:52I'm glad you're bleeding marrying my daughter.
20:53Now, fiddle off to Wallasey, will you?
20:54I'm sorry, Fletch.
20:55I didn't quite catch it.
20:56I'm glad you're bleeding marrying my daughter.
20:58Now, fiddle off to Wallasey, will you?
21:00I'm sorry.
21:01I'm sorry, Fletcher.
21:02I didn't quite catch it, will you?
21:03I'm sorry.
21:04I'm sorry.
21:05I'm sorry.
21:06I'm sorry.
21:07I'm sorry.
21:08You're sorry.
21:09I'm sorry.
21:10I'm sorry, Fletcher.
21:11How's it going done, Fletcher?
21:25You tell me, Dave.
21:27I'm supposed to finish a club of like Squart do now.
21:29It took them a bit longer to get through than they wrecked.
21:32Through from where?
21:33The shop next door.
21:35Apparently they had a problem with the alarm circuit and all.
21:38I've had to feed them eat it twice.
21:39What do you want to do? Put in for expenses?
21:42No, no, I'm just saying, that's all.
21:45Wouldn't do to get towed away at this point, would it?
21:47Casablanca to Alpha Tango, over.
21:51Alpha Tango, over.
21:53Alpha Tango, this is Casablanca.
21:55We would estimate revised point of departure to be 1,400 hours.
21:591,400 hours? What's that in English?
22:01Two o'clock, innit?
22:03Relay this message to transport, please. Over.
22:06Message received and understood, over and out.
22:09I thought you said they've got planes to catch.
22:12There's no point in getting on the plane without the spondulics, is there?
22:16Meticulous.
22:17Well, go on, then. Ring transport.
22:20All right.
22:20Morning, Fletch.
22:36Oh.
22:38Hello, Sarge.
22:39You're looking very spruce.
22:40Yeah, I'm going to my daughter's wedding this morning, see?
22:44Nice day for you.
22:45Yeah.
22:46Where's she getting married?
22:47Marswell Hill, registry office, like.
22:49Oh, what's she doing in these parts, then?
22:51Um, I...
22:52I've, um...
22:53I've come about the present, you see.
22:55What present?
22:58The...
22:59The puppy.
23:00Funny sort of present?
23:01Yeah, yeah, well, uh...
23:02Well, she's always wanted one, you know what I mean.
23:04And, uh, I have to collect it at the last minute,
23:06cos you can't hide a puppy like you can hide a tea service.
23:08You know what I mean?
23:10Which one is it?
23:13Uh, it's, uh...
23:14Uh, it's through the back.
23:16They're, uh, they're gift-wrapping him, like, you know.
23:19Yeah, come to think of it,
23:21what are you doing round these parts?
23:23Oh, I was bringing a lot of shopping on Saturdays.
23:25Oh.
23:26Well, uh, don't let me detain you.
23:28Ah, my God.
23:51Oh, my God.
23:52Oh, my God.
23:57Oh, my God.
23:57The charge is brought by this court, and it is now my duty to pass sentence.
24:14Can I help you, sir? Can I help you, sir?
24:22Can I help you, sir? No, no.
24:25Only I can do that.
24:29Count me out, Dave, right? You what?
24:31I'm off. You can't do that!
24:34I'm doing it. Look, I'm not letting anybody down. The job's nearly over. I've been fairly superfluous, anyhow.
24:39You quit now. You don't get paid.
24:41I don't care. I don't want to get paid. You can have my share. I don't want a penny of it.
24:45I'm off to my oldest wedding.
24:48I don't care.
24:49I don't care.
24:53hello you do have a best man yes coming and who's giving you away miss
25:16fletcher he's coming too they're coming together sorry i'm like your honor
25:35right in the room please stand this place in which one now
25:40to witness that i ingrid reta fletcher do take the leonard arthur godba to take the leonard arthur
25:52godba to be my lawful wedded husband to be my lawful wed wedded husband leonard arthur godba
26:02and ingrid reta fletcher you have both made the declarations prescribed by law and have made a
26:07solemn and binding contract with each other in the presence of the witnesses here assembled
26:13you are now man and wife together
26:19will you now please be seated while the register is
26:37so the magistrate said well you only find me five shillings he said i know there's too much
26:42of this cycling without lights it's a second case we've had this morning hey what are you doing
26:48here i thought you'd fluttered off on your honeymoon plane was delayed i warned you didn't i i warned
26:54you uh where's ingrid and made her stay at home is it your night out saturdays or what she's in the
26:59ladies oh yeah we'll be away soon enough i found out where lanzarote is oh where's that canary islands
27:06where's that forgot to ask that well may much difference to you two though will it hey hey
27:13speaking of canaries why did you bring a caged bird to my wedding
27:19i'll tell you if you don't tell ingrid if you don't tell anyone at all all right
27:23i received this proposition you see what at your age no i'm talking about skullduggery
27:34oh fletch all right let me finish i didn't go the distance i was in this pet shop you see what were
27:40you doing in there i was in there never mind i was in there i saw all these animals little hamsters and
27:47guinea pigs and birds and puppies all behind bars just like we was just like we swore we'd never be
27:54again then right that's when i come to me senses so you didn't no no i'm clean just matter of fact i
28:02think the boys got away with it i didn't see anything of a stock press it's ironic all that
28:06isn't it the perfect job is the one you opted out of yeah well i don't give a rat so i'm well out of
28:11that i'm gonna get a taste for freedom and best bitter and all no living without guilt lot to be
28:18said for that you know of course in my job i'm living without a lot of other things and all but
28:22there you are we're winning fletch we're winning nose is in front son yeah here's mrs godber
28:31my husband hey what are you gonna do with that bird well as soon as you left the house i'm gonna
28:39ask her back to my bed oh i see oh the other bird oh i've already done that yeah that's the reason i
28:46bought it i set it free in the garden oh oh symbolic act yeah i see you saw me and you in that bird and you
28:54gave it that most precious of gifts freedom yeah well don't get carried away sonny jim two minutes later
28:59at that big cat from next door
29:14i'm going straight i am straight as an arrow
29:21i've paid the price and done the time
29:25i'm going straight
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