- 2 days ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00I'm going straight, I'm straight as an arrow, I'll pay the price and done the time.
00:22I'm going straight, I am, but I'm going straight and arrow, and I don't mean straight back to crime.
00:52Dad, what's all this bang, bang, bang first thing in the morning? It's only seven o'clock.
01:01Just making myself useful as all.
01:03Why do you have to start so early?
01:05Well, because I wake up early. When you've been three years in the nick, you get used to waking up early.
01:10On top of which, I don't sleep anyhow.
01:11Well, then he does, and you're going to wake him up with all that racket.
01:14Oh, he's here again, is he? Listen, he's supposed to be on the sofa. Where's he sleeping then?
01:19In Raymond's room.
01:21Oh, where's Raymond then?
01:22He's in my room.
01:24Well, where are you then?
01:24Well, I was down here, and then I went back up.
01:26Where to?
01:27Raymond's room.
01:30You've lost me, I tell you.
01:33Oh, God, would you mind asking him not to park his articulated lorry outside this window?
01:38We get precious little sun in here, as it is.
01:39Well, he only got in at two o'clock, and he's way back from Dover.
01:42Oh, yeah.
01:43Well, it's better he stops here than in some doss house on the North Cirque.
01:47And he gives me what they give him for bed and board.
01:50I know what he gives you.
01:51Don't be crude, Dad.
01:55That's why I can't get to sleep one night.
01:58Well, nor can we with your bang, bang, bang first and in the morning.
02:01Makes up for your bang, bang, bang last thing at night, doesn't it?
02:03Don't be crude, Dad.
02:08Listen, I haven't got a job, so I'm channeling all my energies into fixing this house up proper,
02:13haven't I?
02:13Have you noticed the new pelmet at the top of the stairs?
02:16It's at the bottom of the stairs now, Dad.
02:17What?
02:18It fell down.
02:19Oh, dear.
02:20That's only because it backs onto your bedroom wall.
02:22Have you noticed the sink?
02:25The sink don't clog up no more.
02:27And Raymond's door that used to stick because of the damp weather last winter.
02:30That don't stick now.
02:31No, because I took it off.
02:32I shaved the bottom of it and I re-hung it.
02:35Is the paper come?
02:36You're not listening to a word I'm saying, are you?
02:39I don't know why we need bookshelves in this house.
02:41No one reads, dear.
02:42I intend to.
02:43I've got enough all else to do, haven't I?
02:45Do you want some toast?
02:46Yeah, I wouldn't mind, yes.
02:47Maybe a boiled egg.
02:48No, we only got two eggs and I'm saving them for Lenny.
02:51You can have toast and marmite.
02:53Blimey, even in the nick I got a boiled egg of a morning.
02:56Well, can't he make do with one?
02:57Well, one egg's no good.
02:59You don't know you've had it.
03:00Oh, well, if I won't know I've had it, I won't have it then.
03:03Then I shall know I haven't had it, shall I?
03:05Let him have it, then he'll definitely know he's had it.
03:07Twice.
03:08At least this morning.
03:10Bang, bang.
03:10Morning, Raymond.
03:11What?
03:12My head hurts.
03:14Why?
03:15Bedroom door fell on it.
03:20How's the rest of you, then?
03:22What time is it?
03:23Quarter past.
03:24Sleep well?
03:24Has the paper come?
03:25No, not yet.
03:26What are you going to do today, then?
03:27Ingrid!
03:28You see my bicycle pump?
03:29Keep your voice down, Lenny's trying to sleep.
03:32Going cycling, are you?
03:33That's nice.
03:34Going out in the country, eh?
03:35Whereabouts are you going, son?
03:36I had some pliers here yesterday.
03:39You know, have you noticed there's a sort of lack of conversational rapport in this house?
03:42Have you noticed that?
03:43I say one thing, you say another.
03:45I ask a question and nobody answers.
03:47Have you noticed that?
03:48Are either of you aware of that?
03:49Brown bread or white?
03:50You see what I mean, son?
03:52You see, she's just proven, ain't she, son, eh?
03:54Why are you making bookshelves?
03:56No one reads in this house.
03:57Look, I ask the simple question.
03:59Brown or white?
04:00Just a minute.
04:01Just a minute.
04:01I'm on the brink of a discovery, yeah?
04:03That's the first straight question my son Raymond has asked me since I come out to Nick.
04:07When he said, who are you?
04:10I'll give you Brown and then he don't like Brown.
04:13What was that question again, son?
04:14They don't look too secure to me.
04:16No, that's not a question.
04:17That's a statement.
04:18See, you've forgotten now, haven't you?
04:19It's all gone, ain't it?
04:20Listen, they are perfectly secure.
04:21Take my word for it.
04:22That's because I studied carpentry in the Nick, didn't I?
04:27See what I mean?
04:27They're all right.
04:29Why don't they go in this room?
04:31Well, they will do when they're personalised.
04:33All you need is a bit of bric-a-brac or a family photograph.
04:36Look.
04:37That's all you need, look, see?
04:39Just a little ornament like that.
04:40That's all now.
04:41Perhaps a bowl of...
04:43Get out of here.
04:48Go on.
04:49You didn't do nothing.
04:50Yes, you did.
04:50You weakened it.
04:51Go on.
04:51Get off, you're lying.
04:53Long drink of water.
04:54Go on upstairs.
04:55Don't mutter.
04:55Don't mutter.
04:57Bound to weaken things as we go round banging things, ain't you?
04:59No, you shouldn't go round banging things.
05:02And that goes for you too, gobba.
05:18Well, I'm off then.
05:19Bye, if you've got a moment.
05:21If I've got a moment.
05:22Well, just nip down to Cochran's, you know, get a few things in.
05:25Oh, that'll add a bit of excitement to my day, won't it?
05:27Nipping down to Cochran's, that asthmatic old switch.
05:30What is this?
05:31It's tea bags, golden shred, brussels sprouts, mandarin oranges, half dozen eggs, scarring...
05:36Oh, and I forgot.
05:42Brian Flakes, who's that?
05:44No, they're Brian Flakes.
05:46Oh, I don't like Brian Flakes.
05:47Oh, but they've got a special offer on this month.
05:50Genuine folk art watering can kits.
05:52Oh, right.
05:53I'll eat them instead, then.
05:54Oh, that'll give me something to do this afternoon, won't it, eh?
05:57I can come home with an erect a watering can kit.
05:59Don't forget you've got to go and see your probation officer today, haven't you?
06:04Tomorrow.
06:06Babe.
06:07What?
06:09Babe.
06:10I know it's hard.
06:11I know what you've been going through.
06:13But you knew it weren't going to be easy.
06:15Now, you mustn't let things get on top of you.
06:17I know.
06:18You never have.
06:18I know.
06:19I didn't think it was going to be as hard as this, that's all.
06:22I want to make myself useful.
06:23You know, I want to have a job.
06:24But we're my record.
06:25Now, that's not true.
06:28There's over a million unemployed in this country.
06:30There's boys, what, left Raymond School two years ago who don't know nothing else but a
06:34dole cue.
06:34Yeah, but it's this attitude of cynicism and mistrust I keep coming up against, which in
06:39turn makes me more cynical.
06:40And that's something I've always resisted.
06:42You know that very well, don't you?
06:43I mean, I went into the post office the other day just to get a post-law for me Paul's.
06:47They got a Fortney bar over there, chained to the wall.
06:50I mean, still didn't write, but it was chained to the wall, you know?
06:56Well, that's normal these days.
06:58It's the mood of the country.
07:00You've got to get used to it.
07:01It's been like that for a while.
07:03Of course, we did have a brief respite for the Jubilee celebrations, but that's behind us
07:09now.
07:09Yeah, well, it's getting me down.
07:11That's all I can say, girl.
07:14How's your sex drive, then?
07:16What sort of a question is that for a daughter to ask her father?
07:22Well, a perfectly healthy one.
07:23I don't think things like that should be swept under the carpet no more.
07:26Well, what's my sex drive got to do with anything?
07:29Well, it could have a great deal, because I think your lack of it is symptomatic of your
07:33general malaise.
07:35I mean, you was always a man with a man's appetite.
07:38Yeah, that reminds me.
07:38What happened to that bored egg?
07:39Oh.
07:40Hey, do you know what I mean?
07:43Here you are, with Mum gone, out of prison, and you ain't so much as looked at a woman.
07:49You don't think I'd bring a woman into this house, do you, Ingrid?
07:52I must have.
07:53I've got some sort of decorum and decency, you know.
07:55I would not embarrass the other members of this household by consorting in this very house
08:00with a woman of the opposite sex.
08:01I don't see why you shouldn't, all the rest of us do.
08:07Not Raymond, surely.
08:09I mean, he hasn't got the energy, has he?
08:11Or a charm.
08:13Oh, you'd be surprised, girls like Raymond.
08:15What do they like about him?
08:16He's national health acne.
08:19You can take it from me that he's got no problems in that direction.
08:22It's you what I'm worried about.
08:25You see, I think you're going through your midlife crisis.
08:28Like what this article in Cosmopolitan said last week.
08:32The male menopause cause and effect.
08:36Now, listen, Ingrid, we will have none of that sort of talk in this house, please.
08:39You shock me at times, you do.
08:40You really do.
08:41I'm not being rude, Dad.
08:43That's medical.
08:44Well, medical things are rude, aren't they?
08:47You're so set in your way.
08:49Yes, I am.
08:51And I will not have any of this permissive, liberated talk in this house.
08:54I'll tell you what my midlife crisis is, shall I?
08:56Shall I spell it out for you?
08:57I am a 45-year-old, ex-lag, with no money, no prospects, and as of now, no wife.
09:02Now, for the sake of my family, I'm trying to go straight.
09:05Which means at my age, with my qualifications,
09:07my future holds about as much excitement as a wet Sunday afternoon in Merthyr Tidville.
09:14Why Merthyr Tidville?
09:15Why Merthyr Tidville?
09:16I'll tell you why.
09:17Because they've got more pubs there than anywhere else in Britain.
09:19And they're all shut Sunday.
09:21LAUGHTER
09:22Here you are, Dad.
09:29What?
09:29You take this.
09:30No, I've got the money for the groceries.
09:31No, no, no, that's just for you to have something in your pocket, you know.
09:33Ingrid, I will not take a handout from my family, thank you very much.
09:37Well, you always took it from Mum.
09:39I've got plenty of tips, you see.
09:42That's one of the perks of being a manicurist.
09:44Well, that and free nail varnish.
09:46Well, bring me a bottle of that, then.
09:48I'm sorry, Ingrid, I'm not being ungracious.
09:50I just haven't come down to that yet.
09:52Do you know what I mean?
09:53Well, I'll tell you what, I'll put it underneath our Jubilee tea cabinet,
09:55just in case you change your mind.
09:57All right, suit yourself.
09:59Brad?
09:59Yeah?
10:00Have you been doing some of your own improvements to this kitchen door?
10:03Yes, I have, as a matter of fact.
10:04Yeah, I've fitted draft excluders.
10:05Yeah, I thought you'd done something.
10:07It's freezing in here.
10:08Hey, Fletcher.
10:17Come on, sir.
10:18Have a round, then?
10:19No, no, don't they.
10:19Never mind all the Italian bon on me.
10:21Let's have a cup of tea and a Kit-Kat, shall we?
10:22Tick.
10:24Morning, puss.
10:25Eight, ten.
10:25Shut up, I'm counting.
10:26Twelve.
10:27Finish your milk round early, ain't you?
10:29Didn't give any horse Benzadrine again, ever.
10:32Oh, guy, I ain't had all sense before you went in.
10:34Ain't you?
10:35Must be a bit of a job pulling that cart round on your tongue.
10:38Don't be dark.
10:40It's all electric now.
10:41Oh, an all-electric horse.
10:43What will they think of next?
10:45One cup of tea.
10:47One the cup of tea.
10:49He used to talk broad cockney at school, you know, he did.
10:51Help yourself if you shoot out.
10:53I will, I will.
10:54Oh, blimey.
10:54Not you as well.
10:55Look at this.
10:57Afraid someone's going to steal your British Railway's teaspoon, are you?
11:00What's wrong with you?
11:01You got out of bed the wrong end, eh?
11:03I wish I hadn't got out of bed at all sometimes.
11:05I really do.
11:07Here, here.
11:08What?
11:08You're my age, ain't you?
11:10Thereabouts.
11:10I'm 39.
11:11You lying git.
11:12You've got a son of 26.
11:15In Sicily, we come to manhood early.
11:18Oh, yes.
11:18Agreed, agreed.
11:19But you come from Stoke Newington, don't you?
11:21Listen, I'm a busy man.
11:23Oh, really?
11:23What are you doing?
11:23Taking and washing?
11:24What?
11:25What do you want to ask me?
11:26I want to show you something.
11:28Ready?
11:28Are you ready?
11:29Si.
11:29Ready?
11:29Here we go.
11:30Go.
11:31Santa Madre.
11:33Que paya de te.
11:34Dios me perdone.
11:35Yes, yes, yes.
11:36Well, I don't understand the language, but I certainly get the gist of it.
11:38Yes.
11:39Now, I used to be exactly like that, right?
11:41Especially when I was in the nick.
11:42Now, this morning, this very morning, I went straight past her and right under the sporting section.
11:47Yeah.
11:47I was much more interested in Orient's crippling injury list.
11:51What do you say, me?
11:52I don't get it.
11:53No, I don't get it either.
11:54No.
11:56But my point is, I'm not sure I'll still want it.
11:58You see, now, that is very worrying for a man of my age, isn't it?
12:01Oh, yeah, sorry.
12:02Yeah.
12:02Oh, no.
12:03I think it's the stuff they used to put in the prison tea, you know.
12:06I think it's just beginning to work.
12:15Come on, I'll sit here, love.
12:20Tart.
12:20Uh, purse.
12:24Do me a favour, would you?
12:25Don't tempt me.
12:26There's a lad.
12:27Come on, Fletch.
12:28I've got to do that column all over again now.
12:30Gratitude for you.
12:31Like a bit of Kit Kat.
12:36You sod.
12:40Pardon?
12:41You heard.
12:43I was hoping I heard wrong.
12:44Well, you didn't.
12:45Oh, well, old tallies.
12:47That's me finished.
12:48Off home then purse to the wife, eh?
12:50What are you going round with that little number in Sycamore Crescent?
12:53What little number?
12:54You know who I'm talking about.
12:55The one whose husband's on the oil rig.
12:56Listen, I'm not your common old garden brandy milkman, thank you.
12:59I'm not talking about in the garden, am I?
13:02Or on the common, for that matter.
13:04I'm talking about round Sycamore Crescent.
13:06Yeah, well, I ain't that sort, neither.
13:07Ain't you?
13:07No, I ain't.
13:08Oh, dear.
13:08Must have got what I got.
13:12I'm going round the betting shop.
13:13Do you want one on?
13:14Oh, I see.
13:15Here, do you want to bet on, Fletch?
13:16Tell you what, I'll do Arctic Lady, four o'clock, ten...
13:18No, no, no, no, no.
13:19Gambling is the child of avarice and the father of sin.
13:22George Washington said that, you know.
13:24Or was it Eric Catchfall?
13:25Who's Eric Catchfall?
13:28Philosopher and wit.
13:29Used to play left half for Brentford.
13:32He was the man who said,
13:33show me a milkman in high heels
13:34and I will show you a Dairy Queen.
13:39Hello.
13:40Mind how you go first.
13:42Don't take any wooden yogurts.
13:44Good, that, eh?
13:46Dairy Queen, milkman in high heels, not him.
13:48Oh, never mind.
13:50You're a laugh and soul of the party, aren't you?
13:54No, I'm nobody.
13:55Like to rab it, though, don't you?
13:57How old are you to talk to me like that?
13:59How old do I have to be to talk to you like that?
14:02I didn't ask you to sit here.
14:04I sat here to save you from yourself.
14:07I can look after myself, thanks very much.
14:12Here.
14:12What?
14:13Get some of that inside you.
14:14I reckon you need it.
14:15No, I don't.
14:17Why do you come here, then?
14:18For his Italian cuisine, or what?
14:20I just come here, don't I?
14:22Listen, if you're desperate enough
14:23to put your hand into Percy's purse
14:25in broad daylight,
14:26then you are in dire need of a cup of tea,
14:27so get it done.
14:29Another cup of tea, Danty.
14:30Eh, God.
14:31The last of the biggest spender.
14:33I can't pay for this tea.
14:39Didn't think you could?
14:40Sleeping rough, are you?
14:42Wife I am.
14:44Run away, are you?
14:46Wife I am.
14:47Not from round here.
14:48Wife I'm not.
14:49Oh, God, come on.
14:52Look, I'm not the law,
14:53I'm not the welfare,
14:54I ain't the vicar either.
14:54So?
14:55So just relax, girl,
14:56that's all I'm saying, relax.
14:57Look at you.
14:57Tortoise a fiddlestring, ain't you?
14:58On drugs, are you?
15:02Up as is it?
15:03Bleeding, wish I was.
15:05Well, that's a point of contact, anyway.
15:09Why?
15:09You've got some?
15:10No.
15:12Well, what's your game, then?
15:13You come over here,
15:14you sit down,
15:15I didn't ask.
15:16Why, you dirty old man,
15:18want to buy me a bar of chocolate
15:19and get a quick touch-up?
15:24You're a dirty little girl
15:25in more ways than one, you know.
15:27You don't know me.
15:28I know you need a bath.
15:29It's sugar.
15:30Oh, thank you.
15:31Just sugar, I hope.
15:33I wouldn't put it past
15:33that probation officer
15:34to come round here
15:35and keep up the treatment,
15:36you know what I mean?
15:40What's your name, then?
15:42Margaret Thatcher.
15:43Oh.
15:46Nice to meet you, Margaret.
15:47My name is Norman Stanley Fletcher,
15:48commonly known as Fletch.
15:50I was joking.
15:52Was you?
15:54Don't you know
15:54who Margaret Thatcher is?
15:56You thick or something?
15:58Who is she now?
15:59Well, she's in the government,
16:00is she?
16:00One of that lot.
16:02Ain't you seen her on the telly
16:03with her hairdos?
16:05No, she is not one of the government,
16:06as a matter of fact.
16:07She is, in fact,
16:08the leader of Her Majesty's opposition,
16:10if you want to know.
16:10Well, same thing,
16:11isn't it, MPs?
16:13Here.
16:14Thought you said you didn't know her.
16:16That was to stimulate
16:16political argument.
16:18Blimey.
16:19You'd have half talked funny.
16:20How old are you?
16:23Thirty-six.
16:24You look older.
16:30Hey, good morning, Sarge.
16:32Hey, sit down.
16:33I bring you
16:34the best cup of tea
16:36you ever taste
16:36in your whole life.
16:38Black coffee, please.
16:41You're on the run, aren't you?
16:42Hey?
16:43Don't worry,
16:43I'm not going to give you in,
16:44am I?
16:45It's just that
16:46I only live round the corner.
16:48Now, I've got two daughters
16:49who've got a wardrobe
16:49which is permanently obsolescent.
16:52In my opinion,
16:53you could do with a fresh change
16:54of clothing.
16:55And certainly a bath.
16:58I think that is an offer
17:00you're in no state
17:00to refuse, don't you?
17:04OK, then.
17:06Well, come on,
17:07if you're coming.
17:08I haven't finished my tea yet.
17:11I mean...
17:15Eh, Fletch?
17:19What?
17:19It didn't take you long, eh?
17:23What?
17:23To get your orgies back.
17:26Yeah, but...
17:28Go on.
17:28Go on.
17:42Some soup to you?
17:44Water weren't very hot.
17:45Well, the soup is.
17:46Get it down your neck.
17:53Go on!
17:54It isn't all
17:55about me bleeding tongue.
17:57Here, here.
18:00Find any clothes
18:01to fit you, did you?
18:02Weren't my style.
18:04Well, they weren't
18:05bought for you, were they?
18:07What'd you say
18:08your name was?
18:09Fletch, they call me.
18:10Mine's Penny.
18:12Good.
18:12Good.
18:13Now, where are you from, Penny?
18:15Well, I used to live in
18:16Camberwell.
18:17It's all right there.
18:18I mean, I'd always
18:19lived there.
18:20That's where all me mates
18:21are.
18:22Then me mum and Arthur
18:23moved to Portsmouth.
18:25Arthur?
18:26Yeah, bloke she lives with.
18:28He's all right.
18:29Just, he works in
18:29Portsmouth.
18:30Ain't nothing to do there.
18:33Handy for the Isle of Wight,
18:34isn't it?
18:34Well, I've just left.
18:39I was going to stay with this
18:41mate of mine, Terry.
18:42He's great, Terry.
18:44He's a bit mad-like.
18:46But he's all right.
18:48He don't give a monkey's
18:49about anything.
18:50You'd like him.
18:52I doubt it.
18:53One of these punks, is he?
18:54No, he's not.
18:55He hates punks.
18:56Oh, well, that's something
18:56you've got in common, then.
18:58Yeah, that's why they
18:59sent him away.
19:00He dove three of them
19:01up behind Peckermodion.
19:02Oh.
19:04Charming.
19:04So, he's gone.
19:05What are your plans, now, then?
19:08Well, I can't hang
19:09around the Camberwell.
19:11Cops know me there.
19:13I'm on probation.
19:14Oh, yeah.
19:16I was going to stay
19:16with this other friend of mine
19:17who lives around here,
19:18Pauline Soper.
19:20Do you know her?
19:21No.
19:22She may have moved.
19:24I don't know what
19:25I'll do next.
19:27Well, you look worn out.
19:29I suggest when you've eaten
19:30what you're going to eat,
19:30you'd better go and get
19:31some kip.
19:33What?
19:34Well, you?
19:36Um?
19:38Don't you face me?
19:40It's all right.
19:41I don't mind.
19:43Now, listen.
19:44There seems to be some sort
19:45of attitude prevalent
19:47in this country,
19:48which is to view
19:48everything I do
19:49in the worst possible light.
19:50I didn't ask you
19:51back here for that.
19:53No, no, don't comment.
19:54Just cut that out.
19:56Shall I tell you
19:56why I asked you back here?
19:57Because I saw in you
19:59someone who was bound
20:00on the same course
20:01as what I was.
20:02How do you mean?
20:03You're on probation, are you?
20:05I'm on parole.
20:07Are you?
20:08Yeah.
20:08That surprised you, didn't it?
20:10What is more,
20:11on top of that,
20:11I've spent 11 years
20:13out of my life
20:14in the nick.
20:15Now, having said that,
20:16I thought you might
20:17be interested in
20:18taking a bit of advice
20:19from an old lad
20:19such as myself.
20:21Now, go and finish
20:22your soup.
20:23Don't like tomato.
20:27It's very discouraging
20:29trying to help people
20:29in your night.
20:30I think I'll leave it out
20:30after you.
20:31I just don't like tomato.
20:33Oh, well, I'll rush
20:33round to Fortnum's
20:34tomorrow then
20:35and get you a crate
20:35of mock turtle.
20:38Oxtail?
20:39I quite like oxtail.
20:44Go on, get up
20:44and have some sleep.
20:45Go on.
20:48Use my room.
20:49Second on my left.
20:49Thanks.
21:08God, it is an o'clock.
21:11Right, Dad.
21:13I can't do this.
21:14Do what?
21:15I'm trying to put
21:16this racing car
21:17together on here.
21:18Oh, you ain't done.
21:19It's a young Raymond's
21:19racing car.
21:21But that's the only
21:22reason we get that
21:22cereal, because he's
21:23collecting a set.
21:24He'll be able
21:25to get us across.
21:28What have you done
21:29today, then, Dave?
21:31Oi.
21:32Turn this racket off.
21:33What?
21:34Turn this racket off.
21:35Oh, I like it.
21:37Someone try to sleep
21:38upstairs.
21:39Girl, I met.
21:40No.
21:41No.
21:45Girl, I met.
21:46Down at Dante's Cafe.
21:48Name a penny.
21:49Now, look here, Dad.
21:50When I said what I said
21:51this morning, I didn't
21:52expect you to take it
21:53so literal.
21:54So quick.
21:55No, come on, Ingrid.
21:56It's not like that.
21:57She's only 16.
21:59She's just in a spot of
22:00bother.
22:00That's all.
22:00She needed a place.
22:01I just brought her back in.
22:03I'll give her a bath and a bed.
22:05You give her a bath.
22:06I didn't give her a bath.
22:07No.
22:10I loaned her the facilities.
22:11That's all.
22:12I'm just trying to help
22:13somebody as I pass along.
22:14That's all.
22:15I've got nap all else to do,
22:16have I?
22:16Better than sitting here
22:17making plastic racing cars
22:18and watering can kits.
22:20Well, what's she like?
22:22Oh, little waif and stray,
22:24little alley cat.
22:25Did anyone see you
22:26bring her in here?
22:27Only the woman at 27,
22:28as usual.
22:29Why?
22:30For what might she have thought?
22:31She'll think the same
22:32as you, I suppose,
22:33if her mind's like yours.
22:34I don't give her rats.
22:35You've got to be very careful
22:36in your position, though, Dad.
22:39What do you intend to do about her?
22:42Well, I'm hoping
22:42she'll go back to her mum
22:44voluntary.
22:45I'd like to think
22:45I can make her see sense,
22:46don't I mean?
22:47Well, shouldn't you just
22:48hand her over to the authorities?
22:50No, no.
22:51Worst thing you could do,
22:52betraying her trust,
22:53wouldn't it be?
22:54I mean,
22:54if you can't show someone trust,
22:56how are they going to learn it?
22:57Oh, come on, Dad.
23:06He's 12 o'clock
23:07and you're still not dressed.
23:09I'm not going anywhere.
23:10Well, it's Saturday.
23:11Is it?
23:12It's a lovely sunny day.
23:14Why won't you go to the match?
23:16They'll lose.
23:18No, I'm not having this, Dad.
23:20For a whole week now,
23:21you've sat around this house
23:22morose and depressed.
23:24It was me what lost me purse,
23:25not you.
23:26I lost something more fundamental.
23:28I lost my faith in human nature.
23:30That's what I lost.
23:31Which certainly will not be restored
23:33by watching Orient
23:34play Mansfield Town.
23:36You've got to do something
23:38with your life, Dad.
23:39Why?
23:39Why should I?
23:40Everything I do goes wrong.
23:41All's that and all's will.
23:43Now, that's not true.
23:45You made this, didn't you?
23:47Oh, dear.
23:48It's not easy
23:48putting one of these together.
23:50It's a lovely job you've done.
23:52I'm going to christen it now.
23:54I'm going to water the geraniums.
23:56You've got to water nine
24:04at once now, aren't you?
24:07Oh, was that the door?
24:09No, it was a window.
24:10Dad, it's, um...
24:22It's, um...
24:23Uh, my name's Arthur Boyle.
24:26I'm, uh...
24:27You coming in?
24:30Oh, dear.
24:32Yeah, I'm, uh, Penny's dad...
24:33Well, not a dad, exactly,
24:34but, uh, next best thing, you know?
24:35Yeah, I know, yeah, yeah.
24:36Arthur, she said, yeah.
24:37Ah.
24:38Could I, uh, have a word with you
24:40in private, like?
24:41I suppose so, yeah.
24:43Come on in.
24:45You stay here.
24:51I believe this is yours.
24:52No, not mine.
24:53No, I'd never carry one of those.
24:54Try my daughter.
24:56Yeah, I've got the address
24:57from the driving licence.
24:59I expect there'll be some cash missing there.
25:01Let me know how much
25:01I'll let you have it back.
25:03Police snabbed her, did they?
25:04No, no, she found us.
25:05Reverse charges, of course.
25:07So I, uh, drove up and fetched her.
25:10Oh, I see.
25:11Listen, uh, I know what you did.
25:14What'd she say I did?
25:15Oh, no, no, no.
25:16She said you tried to help,
25:18so I just wanted to say thank you.
25:21Oh, yeah, well...
25:22I mean, if there was more people around like you,
25:25well, uh, who knows what, eh?
25:27Yeah, well...
25:28I mean, she's a bit of a tear-away, I'm afraid, but...
25:31Still, she did my love phone call,
25:32thanks to you, so, uh...
25:34Yeah, well, yeah.
25:36So it's down to her mum and me now, I suppose.
25:38It's, uh, two pounds short, near enough.
25:42Would you like a cup of tea?
25:43Yeah, or a glass of beer.
25:44No, no, uh, best be off for traffic and that, you know?
25:47Oh, yeah.
25:48Yeah.
25:49Come on in.
25:51Whoa.
25:53Thanks.
25:54Hello.
25:56All right, go on.
25:58Thought better of it, did you?
26:01I'll be in the car, don't be too long.
26:06So it's back to Portsmouth, is it?
26:08Yeah, I suppose so.
26:10Oh, it's nice there.
26:11Healthy.
26:12Keep away from the sailors.
26:13I can look after meself.
26:14Yes, yes, so you said.
26:16Thanks for bringing Ingrid's purse back there.
26:18I can't help pinching things.
26:22When I see them, I just take them.
26:25First thing I've ever given back.
26:27Oh, well, that's a start, isn't it, eh?
26:28No harm done.
26:30You took it, you returned it.
26:31Just think of it like a library book.
26:33I'll pinch them as well.
26:37Yeah, I could do with a few of them.
26:38They put my shells over the sideboard.
26:39Well, they're under the sideboard at the moment.
26:44Well, you better get off then.
26:45Go on.
26:46Yeah.
26:48Oh, thanks for the use of your bed.
26:50Nice, I liked it.
26:53Yeah, yeah, well, yeah.
26:55See you then.
26:56Yeah, here.
26:58Are you going to give your Uncle Norman a kiss then?
27:00You're too soft.
27:02That's your trouble.
27:03It's all right, then.
27:17Are you sure you didn't give her a bath?
27:20Now, now, now, I've told you.
27:22Well, if that kiss was anything to go by,
27:23you must have given her more than a cheese sandwich while I was out.
27:26Don't be crude, Ingrid.
27:27Good job you didn't put that pelmet back up.
27:29It'd be down again by now.
27:31Don't be crude, I said.
27:33Not only crude, but wildly inaccurate.
27:35Oh, yeah?
27:36Yeah.
27:36What proof have you got?
27:37None.
27:38I'm just going by the gleam in your eye, that's all.
27:40It's nothing much the matter with your sex drive.
27:43Sex drive?
27:44Nothing.
27:44I've just had my faith restored in human nature, ain't I?
27:47Eh?
27:47Yeah, I think I will go to the match after all.
27:49With the luck the way it is,
27:50they might just scrape a point, right?
27:58Yeah.
27:59This bucks you up, ain't it?
28:01Yeah.
28:02Yeah, it has, yeah.
28:04Yes, it's a nice feeling.
28:06Missionaries must feel a bit like that, you know?
28:08I mean, it can't be all beer and skittles, can it?
28:11Out in the jungle there.
28:12With all the heat and the titsy flies, you know what I mean?
28:14But then suddenly, into the clearing wall, walk this group of young headhunters and they throw down their spears and they say,
28:25we want to learn the catechism.
28:27Makes it all worthwhile.
28:30Yeah.
28:30Then they eat him.
28:36Tell you a joke.
28:36Tell you a joke.
28:37Yeah, I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
28:38I'm going to, er, I'm going to put on a nice clean shirt, then I'm going to have a bath.
28:42No, I won't.
28:43I'll have a bath first, then I'll put on a nice clean shirt, then I'm going to take you all out for a celebration, right?
28:48Yeah, do you good.
28:49Yeah, I'm going to take you and your aunt Godber and Raymond and whoever he's not going to bow out with, all down to White Hart, right?
28:54What are you going to use for money?
28:55Ah, I thought of that.
28:56I'm going to take advantage of that handout you offered me earlier on.
28:59All right?
29:00Where'd you put it?
29:01It's under the teeth, laddie.
29:02All right.
29:05Nathenel.
29:08She's pinched the bleeding fiver.
29:21I'm going straight, oh, I am straight as an error
29:26I've paid the price and done me time
29:31I'm going straight, I am
29:34Well, I'm just straight and error
29:37And I don't think straight, bad to crime
29:42I'm going straight, bad to crime
29:44I'm going straight, bad to crime
29:45I'm going straight, bad to crime
29:46I'm going straight, bad to crime
29:47I'm going straight, bad to crime
29:48I'm going straight, bad to crime
29:49I'm going straight, bad to crime
29:50I'm going straight, bad to crime
29:51I'm going straight, bad to crime
29:52I'm going straight, bad to crime
29:53I'm going straight, bad to crime
29:54I'm going straight, bad to crime
29:55I'm going straight, bad to crime
29:56I'm going straight, bad to crime
29:57I'm going straight, bad to crime
29:58I'm going straight, bad to crime
29:59I'm going straight, bad to crime
30:00I'm going straight, bad to crime
30:01I'm going straight, bad to crime
30:02I'm going straight, bad to crime
30:03I'm going straight, bad to crime
30:04I'm going straight, bad to crime
Recommended
28:36
|
Up next
29:13
28:55
29:42
29:23
28:44
29:05
24:44
22:43
28:21
28:18
32:19
27:50
30:51
1:04:05
28:53
28:36
29:26
30:45
28:49
28:47
29:07
28:44
Be the first to comment