- hace 6 semanas
Professor Phineas Pheasant is being held prisoner by KAOS within an impregnable glass dome. Smart and 99 try everything to break the glass but have to flee when KAOS agents discover their rescue attempt. On their way out, 99 reveals to Max that she is pregnant. The Chief organizes another rescue attempt by using a CONTROL operatic singer whose high notes can shatter any type of glass with Max undercover as her accompanying pianist. To further complicate things, Max has to get spray-on plastic surgery: he blew his secret agent cover in the euphoria of finding out that he will be a father. Martin Landau and Phyllis Diller have cameos as Max's plastic surgery results. The opening scene involves Smart, 99, and the Chief in space suits having a secret meeting on the moon, with the Chief announcing that since the Americans have officially landed on the moon, CONTROL is cancelling their moon meetings.
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00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:30what took you so long do you know what time it is yes well 99's mother called us just before we
00:47left earth well this is probably the last time we'll be able to have these secret meetings on
00:51the moon anyway now that the astronauts have landed successfully there'll probably be a lot
00:55more of them coming well we really shouldn't complain chief we've had it for four years
00:59well let's get down to business now here's your assignment chaos has kidnapped professor
01:04phineas pheasant who's he chief probably the most important nuclear scientist in the world 99
01:09now according to our information they're holding pheasant prisoner in the basement of chaos
01:13headquarters in new jersey where new jersey i didn't get that chief
01:18chaos is going to put professor pheasant through a series of brainwashing so they can find out
01:32everything that he knows now your assignment is to get him out of there before he cracks and starts
01:37talking do you have a layout of the house chief yes i've got one right here now this is chaos's
01:41summer headquarters you'd better start back immediately it's going to take you a good six
01:46days to get back to chaos headquarters new jersey but chief it only takes three days to get back
01:50to earth i know that 99 but once you find the car and get it out of the parking lot at the airport
01:55and with the traffic into town believe me it'll be another three days all right 99 come on let's go
02:00chief can we give you a lift no thanks i'm not going that way
02:12see what's he doing in a telephone booth reading a book that's not a telephone booth max
02:28Hey, Max, look. Professor Pheasant.
02:33Well, what's he doing in a telephone booth reading a book?
02:36That's not a telephone booth, Max. That's a glass cell.
02:39Of course. They've got Pheasant under glass.
02:53Professor, we've come to take you out of here.
02:56I said we've come to break you out of here.
03:00Max, be quiet.
03:03He can't hear us, Max.
03:04We've got to think of some other way to communicate with him.
03:07Wait a minute, 99. I'll call him on my shoe phone.
03:12Max, look. Carol's just taking away his shoes.
03:15They thought of everything.
03:16Not quite, 99.
03:17How clever. A sock phone.
03:29Hello.
03:30Hello, Professor. This is Maxwell Smart, agent 86 of Control.
03:34Yes, Mr. Smart.
03:35Are you all right, Professor?
03:36Not bad, considering the brainwashing they put me through every day.
03:39But I didn't tell them anything about my new secret formula.
03:42Good, Professor. We'll have you out of here in no time.
03:45I hope it's soon, Mr. Smart. I think I'm going to faint.
03:48Oh, you're weak from all that brainwashing.
03:50No, from this phone call.
03:52I've had these socks on for five days.
03:54Well, look, Professor. We'll have you out of here in a jiffy.
03:59Now, here's what I want you to do.
04:00I want you to get down on the floor of the cell
04:02so you won't be hit by any flying glass.
04:05Oh, you'll never be able to break this glass, Mr. Smart.
04:08It's absolutely indestructible.
04:11Not with what I've got in this satchel.
04:16Hello, 99.
04:17We're going to have to try an asylum machine gun.
04:20Okay. Are you ready, 99?
04:22Ready, Max.
04:24Max, it didn't even crack the glass.
04:2899, I'm afraid I'm going to have to use the laser gun.
04:31Right, Max.
04:36Max, that didn't work either.
04:38We're never going to get the professor out of the booth.
04:40Wait a minute, 99.
04:41There's one thing we haven't tried yet.
04:43What's that?
04:45I don't care what the control lab comes up with and new weapons.
04:49Nothing can beat this.
04:50This always works.
04:54Max, you broke the basement window.
04:57No, no, no.
04:58I told you it always works, 99.
05:00It's on the base.
05:01Come on, 99, the window.
05:11Max, the gate's been locked.
05:14Come on, 99.
05:14The wall.
05:17We've got to climb over that wall, 99.
05:19I'll get up on top, and then I'll help you up.
05:21Come on.
05:22Max, I don't think I'm going to do that.
05:27What are you talking about you're not going to do that?
05:29There are chaos agents all over the grounds.
05:31They're liable to find us any minute.
05:32Come on.
05:33Well, Max, I just don't think that's a very good thing for me to do.
05:3899, will you please stop arguing with me?
05:41Come on.
05:41Max, I didn't want to say anything about this before, but I went to see a doctor today.
05:4899, you're not sick, are you?
05:49Oh, no, Max.
05:51In fact, the doctor says I've never been in better physical condition.
05:53Good.
05:54Let's get over that wall.
05:55I'm going to have a baby, Max.
05:57A baby?
05:57I'm going to have a baby.
06:19¶¶
06:49I think we've lost him, Max.
07:19You can slow down now.
07:20I'm gonna teach that kid how to play football and baseball and basketball and baby golf.
07:24Just don't teach him how to drive, Max.
07:26Please, slow down.
07:27We've only got one minute to make that phone booth at 4th and 4th.
07:31You're so excited about becoming a father, Max.
07:34Maybe you better let me drive.
07:36Too late, 99. There's the phone booth.
07:41Are you all right, 99?
07:42I'm fine, Max, but you've knocked over the phone booth.
07:45Now, how are we gonna get that important call?
07:47Max! The phone's still working!
08:03Hello. Maxwell Smart here.
08:05Max, here are your follow-up instructions.
08:08You're to take Professor Pheasant and proceed immediately to Pier 14,
08:11where you'll board a Coast Guard cutter to Hawaii.
08:13You're to remain in Hawaii for five days until you receive further instructions.
08:17Have you got that, Max?
08:18Not all of it, Chief.
08:19What didn't you get?
08:21Professor Pheasant.
08:22You didn't get Professor Pheasant?
08:24Max, do you know what this means?
08:25I'm not going to Hawaii.
08:26I'm not going to Hawaii.
08:32Hold on a minute, Chief.
08:35Yes, what is it?
08:36Are you gonna be long?
08:37No, I'll be through in a minute.
08:38Well, then I'll wait.
08:41Well, Chief, now that I've given you the bad news, are you ready for some good news?
08:45Well, I could certainly use some.
08:4899 is going to have a baby.
08:49What?
08:51Max, you and 99?
08:53Why, that's marvelous.
08:54And I'm going to have my son follow right in my footsteps.
08:57Just think, Chief.
08:58In a little while, you'll have another Maxwell Smart on your hands.
09:03I couldn't help it, Chief.
09:05And to make matters worse, you get yourself involved in an accident.
09:07You knocked over the telephone booth.
09:09You attracted a crowd.
09:10The police, the reporters, the fire department.
09:12Don't forget the phone company, Chief.
09:13I don't care about the phone company.
09:15That's your problem.
09:15You'll have to take care of that.
09:16The important thing is to get back to the problem at hand.
09:19How to get Professor Pheasant out of that glass cell.
09:21Oh, forget about that, Chief.
09:22I'm telling you that there is absolutely no way in this world that you can break that glass cell.
09:27I'm not so sure, Max.
09:28Larrabee?
09:29Yes, sir?
09:30Come in here.
09:30Chief, I told you.
09:31We tried machine guns.
09:32We tried handguns.
09:33Larrabee, has that sample come back from the control lab yet?
09:35It's in there on my desk, Chief.
09:37Bring it in.
09:37I'll need somebody to help me.
09:38That desk is pretty heavy.
09:40I'll help you, Larrabee.
09:41I don't want anybody to bring in the desk.
09:43Just bring in the sample.
09:45Oh, then I don't need any help, Chief.
09:47Chief, I told you.
09:48We used the laser gun.
09:49We even used a brick, Chief.
09:50Max, will you be quiet and just listen to me for a moment?
09:53We think that Professor Pheasant's glass cell has been constructed of some new kind of nuclearized glass.
09:58Now, our scientists have been working day and night in the control lab to try to duplicate it.
10:02We think they've succeeded.
10:04I won't need you anymore, Larrabee.
10:06You can go now.
10:07Now, Max, I want you to watch that cubicle very closely.
10:15Keep your eye on the cubicle, Max.
10:16Well, Max, any questions?
10:26Yeah, Chief.
10:26What's on the flip side?
10:27Never mind what's on the flip side.
10:29The point is that that voice shattered the unbreakable glass.
10:32But how?
10:33By hitting a note so high and so powerful that it broke down the components of the nuclear glass.
10:37Well, that's fantastic, Chief.
10:39Who is this guy?
10:40It's not a guy, Max.
10:41It's Rosa Lacosta.
10:43Control singing agent?
10:44That's right.
10:45Wait a minute, Chief.
10:46If she's going to go in and sing that note to break that glass, we've got to get her into Chaos headquarters.
10:51That's already been taken care of, Max.
10:53Belasco, like all Chaos agents, is an opera lover.
10:56He also happens to be a fan of Rosa Lacosta.
10:58Now, we've arranged for Rosa Lacosta to give a concert at Chaos' secret headquarters tomorrow night.
11:04Oh, that's great, Chief.
11:05And as soon as she hits the note that breaks the glass, we move in.
11:08You and me, huh, Chief?
11:09No, me and Larrabee.
11:09You're going to be Rosa Lacosta's accompanist.
11:12I am?
11:12Yes.
11:13She's going to sing Chopsticks?
11:14No, she's not going to sing Chopsticks.
11:17Well, if I'm going to be her accompanist, she's going to sing Chopsticks because that's the only thing I know how to play.
11:22Max, you're not actually going to be playing the piano.
11:24You'll only be pretending to play the piano.
11:27Chief, you've got me confused.
11:29I don't even know what you're talking about.
11:31Max.
11:31These cartridges contain Rosa Lacosta's entire repertoire.
11:35Well, what am I supposed to do with them, Chief?
11:37Max, you'll be using Control's new computer piano for the recital.
11:40Now, all you do is slip these cartridges into the chamber, then pretend to be striking the notes on the piano as they're being played.
11:46Oh, well, that'll take a little practice, Chief.
11:48That'll take a lot of practice, Max.
11:50Mr. Smart, we have been practicing ten or twelve hours, and you have been dropping things and picking them up and dropping them again.
12:19During all that time, I don't think you have spent ten minutes at the keyboard.
12:23Yes, well, I've been busy.
12:26Let's continue.
12:28After this aria, there will be thirty to fifty seconds of thunderous applause,
12:33after which I will say to the audience,
12:36ladies and gentlemen, may I have a small but well-deserved round of applause for my accompanist.
12:45That's when you stand up and take your bow.
12:47Oh, I'm good at that.
12:59Hi there.
13:00Oh, hello, Chief.
13:02Well, Max, you've really done it this time.
13:04I want to see you down here at the office immediately.
13:07Why, Chief? What's wrong?
13:08What's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong.
13:10Look at the morning paper.
13:11Oh, it's a picture of me next to that phone booth I knocked down yesterday.
13:17Now read the caption.
13:19Secret agent, not so secret.
13:30Max, you didn't tell me that a photographer took your picture.
13:33Uh, yes. Well, you see, Chief, I was so excited that I guess I didn't realize he was taking my picture.
13:40You were so excited that when he asked you who you were, you told him you were a secret control agent.
13:45Well, you know, Chief, I'm going to become a father, and I guess I got a little confused and upset.
13:49You can understand that.
13:50I can understand it, Max, but I can't accept it.
13:54You've blown your cover as a secret agent.
13:56I don't know what you're going to do, Max.
13:59Larrabee.
14:00Uh, yes, Chief?
14:01Come in here and bring the files on all control agents who are also musicians.
14:05Well, at least let me complete the pheasant case.
14:10Here you are, Chief.
14:11Thank you, Larrabee.
14:13That was a terrific picture of you in this morning's newspaper, Max.
14:16Oh, thank you, Larrabee.
14:18This file is empty. What about Holloway, Marco, Curtis? They're all musicians. Where are they?
14:22Right now, they're in Vegas.
14:23Then they opened in Chicago for two weeks, and then they play Detroit, Pittsburgh.
14:27Are they on an assignment?
14:28You can call it an assignment. They call it a gig.
14:31Thanks, anyway, Larrabee.
14:33Max, you put me in a terrible position getting your picture in the paper.
14:36There's nobody to take your place.
14:39Wait a minute, Chief.
14:40If my face is so well known, supposing I had it changed?
14:46Max, the recital is tomorrow night.
14:47You know how long plastic surgery takes.
14:50Not if I go to Proctor.
14:51Who's Proctor?
14:52Hector Proctor.
14:53Who's Hector Proctor?
14:54A doctor.
14:55Dr. Hector Proctor.
14:57Amazing.
15:00Absolutely amazing.
15:03What is?
15:04The fact you waited this long to change it.
15:06This may be a work of art, Mr. Smart.
15:09It may very well be my Mona Lisa.
15:11If you don't mind, Doctor, I prefer someone a little more masculine.
15:15Close your eyes, Mr. Smart.
15:17Now, let's take a look at your new face.
15:29It's an amazing technique, Max, but the face is all wrong.
15:31But, Chief, Dr. Proctor himself said this is a perfect face for a secret agent.
15:38Well, that's just the point.
15:39His face is even more well-known than yours.
15:41Who?
15:42Martin Landau.
15:43Never heard of him.
15:43I usually wait 48 hours for the old face to return before spraying on a new one.
15:48I've never sprayed a new face on a new face before, so there's no telling what we may get.
15:53Yes, Larrabee?
15:57Chief, there's someone out here who claims to be Maxwell Smart.
16:01Well, is it or isn't it?
16:03It sounds like him, but it sure doesn't look like him.
16:05Good.
16:06Send him in.
16:12Well?
16:14Max, everybody knows that Rosa Lacosta's accompanist is a man.
16:17You look just like a woman.
16:19The dress, the hair.
16:21How about the face?
16:23All right, let's see what you look like now.
16:31Splendid.
16:32Here, see for yourself.
16:36Hey, that's terrific, Doctor.
16:38I don't look like anybody I've ever seen before, including myself.
16:42The eyes are a little different, and the nose is...
16:44Be careful, Mr. Smart.
16:45Those features won't be fully dry for another 15 minutes.
16:48Oh, and then they'll stay that way for 48 hours?
16:50Yes, provided you avoid exposure to extreme heat.
16:53Well, what'll happen if I do that?
16:56Nothing dangerous.
16:57Your face'll fall off.
16:59I can just see myself at that recital tomorrow night.
17:02You may begin the concert, Mr. Velasco, as soon as my accompanist is here.
17:15He's here.
17:16Any luck for the professor?
17:28One more brainwashing session, and he'll be ready to review the formula.
17:32Excellent.
17:33We'll do it tonight, after everyone has left.
17:35Hors d'oeuvres.
17:37Hors d'oeuvres.
17:38Oh, hi, 99.
17:39How do you feel?
17:40I'm absolutely exhausted, Max.
17:42Do you know this is the fourth tray of hors d'oeuvres that I brought out of the kitchen?
17:45The guests are reading that much?
17:47No, I am.
17:49I'm absolutely famished all the time.
17:53Have you checked everything out?
17:55Right, Max.
17:56The professor's still in his cell in the basement, and the computer piano was delivered a couple
18:00of hours ago.
18:00All right, now, here's what I want you to do.
18:03Over your left shoulder.
18:04Don't look.
18:07There's a door leading to the cellar.
18:09Now, when Madame Lacosta hits that high note, I want you to make for that door.
18:12Get down those stairs.
18:13I'll be right behind you.
18:14Right, Max.
18:15Oh, wait a minute, please.
18:20That'll be enough.
18:20Oh, no, wait!
18:27I think you better get over by the door, 99.
18:30Ladies and gentlemen, if I may have your undivided attention, we will start the recital.
18:41As you all know, we are to be honored this evening by...
18:44As I was saying, tonight we will be honored by the presence of the music world's greatest
19:06and most celebrated talents.
19:09She is...
19:10Have you quite finished?
19:20And now, without further ado, I am privileged to introduce our distinguished guest, Madame
19:35Rosa Lacosta.
19:36Applaus
21:38That's the worst nose job I've ever seen.
21:47There's something strange going on around here.
21:56Oh!
21:57Oh!
21:58Oh!
21:59Oh!
22:00Oh!
22:02Oh!
22:05Oh!
22:07Oh!
22:08Oh!
22:09Oh!
22:10Oh!
22:11That's Maxwell Smart.
22:26Hurry.
22:27Come along.
22:3099, look.
22:32The glass didn't break.
22:34It's locked.
22:36Max, what are we going to do?
22:37I promised Control I would break that glass.
22:41And I'm going to break it.
22:43One way or another.
22:45Step aside.
22:54Good work, Madame Lacosta.
22:58Come on, 99.
22:59We've got to get the professor out of here.
23:00How, Max?
23:01Through the window.
23:02That won't be necessary.
23:03We've taken Kandinsky and Belasco into custody.
23:06Oh, good work, chief.
23:08Max, how much did you pay for my ring?
23:10I don't know, 99.
23:11What difference does it make?
23:12Why do you ask me a question like that at a time like this?
23:14Because of something that happened
23:15when Madame Lacosta hit the high note
23:17and all the glass was breaking.
23:18Well, what has that got to do with your diamond ring?
23:21Diamond Max?
23:22Yes, we're ganz-
23:38Oh!
23:39And now I've got the real hole!
23:41¶¶
24:11¶¶
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