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  • hace 6 meses
CONTROL finds out that KAOS is planning to destroy California by using a very powerful bomb whose formula is being delivered in 3 parts. The Chief and Max track down one of the parts to the Valerie School for Expectant Fathers and then enroll as students to find out the method used to deliver the formula. The title is a spoof of Valley of the Dolls.

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00:00All passengers now disembarking from Flight 101, please report immediately to Customs.
00:17Psst, Max.
00:18Oh, hi, Chief. I'll be with you in a minute.
00:20Max, how's it going?
00:22Great. How do you like them?
00:24Max, I'm talking about the mission. Forget about the diapers.
00:26Well, I can't forget about the diapers, Chief. After all, I'm gonna become a father.
00:29I have to practice, you know.
00:31Max, chaos is trying to smuggle a deadly explosive into the country,
00:35and you're supposed to be on the lookout for it.
00:37I know that, Chief.
00:38Well, then start checking through my luggage like I'm a passenger.
00:40I'll fill you in on all the information we have up to now.
00:43Right, Chief.
00:44The formula is divided into three parts.
00:46Chief, do you have the keys to this thing?
00:48Oh, yes.
00:50The first part has already been smuggled into this country.
00:53Why did you do that?
00:55Well, you asked me to treat you like a customer.
00:57And here at customs, that's the way we treat them.
01:01According to our information, part two of the formula is going to be sent through today,
01:05but we don't know whether it's coming through by boat or by plane.
01:08Where'd you get these shorts, Chief?
01:10Never mind the shorts, Max. Now, I've got men stationed at the pier. Your job...
01:13What size are these shorts, Chief?
01:15Thirty-six. Your job is to...
01:16These are no thirty-six, Chief.
01:18All right, Max, thirty-eight.
01:20They're more like a forty, Chief.
01:22All right, forty if it makes you happy. Now, give me those shorts.
01:27Max, I can't stress upon you with the importance of this mission.
01:30You must not let that second part of the formula get through.
01:33I'll check with you later.
01:35Now, hold it, Chief. I'd better mark that so they'll let you through.
01:39Okay, next.
01:52Okay, may I ask what you're bringing into the country?
01:58Okay, you can go ahead. I can see what you're bringing into the country.
02:02Okay, who's next?
02:09I am.
02:10Well, you're a little young to be traveling alone, aren't you?
02:14No, that's my dog. I'm down here, mister.
02:17Oh. Well, you're the youngest ventriloquist I've ever seen.
02:20I'm not a ventriloquist.
02:22Well, you should be. You're the greatest one I've ever heard.
02:24Where's your mommy and daddy?
02:25They're waiting to meet me. I was away visiting my grandma.
02:28Oh. Well, you can go ahead right through.
02:30We don't want to keep your mommy and daddy waiting.
02:32Thank you, mister.
02:40Good. Father is waiting.
02:43You brought the second part of the formula?
02:45Yeah, it's in the doll, just like the other one.
03:00I have two characters here.
03:02All right.
03:03I have no idea.
03:05I have no idea.
03:07I could never have to, you know.
03:09But feel free to make me out.
03:12All right.
03:13All right.
03:15Okay.
03:17Come on.
03:18To help me.
03:19I have no idea.
03:21Here I will come.
03:22One kommen.
03:23We will laugh at our point.
03:24I'll leave two.
03:25Ready?
03:26Yes, I'll leave two.
03:27We have no idea.
03:28Oh, my God.
03:58I see.
04:11Thank you very much.
04:14Well, it's definite, Max.
04:15The little girl you let through customs was not a little girl.
04:19Well, she certainly wasn't a big girl, Chief.
04:21She was only that high.
04:23It wasn't a little girl at all.
04:24It was a little man.
04:26Chief, that is ridiculous.
04:28I was there.
04:29You weren't.
04:30I'm telling you that it was a little girl with blonde, curly hair.
04:33And she was a great ventriloquist.
04:35Max, it was little Louie Dunlap, a chaos courier.
04:39Well, he could have fooled me.
04:40He did fool you.
04:42What does that mean?
04:43The chaos has the second part of the formula now, Chief?
04:45I'm afraid so, 99.
04:47They managed to get both parts in the country in less than...
04:50You have that.
04:54In less than two weeks.
04:56If they succeed in getting the third part in, we're in big trouble.
04:59Well, what do you think they plan to do with the formula once it's complete?
05:02They plan to change the structure of the United States.
05:05What?
05:05Let me show you.
05:09Now, this map was stolen by one of our control agents from chaos headquarters.
05:12Take a look at it.
05:14Max, will you stop hanging around with a diaper and look at this map?
05:19Sorry about that, Chief.
05:20Now, Max, something is missing from this map.
05:24California.
05:25This is the way the United States will look if chaos succeeds in getting the third part of that formula into the country.
05:30I don't understand, Chief.
05:31With that formula completed, 99, chaos will be able to make the most powerful explosive known to man.
05:37Well, I still don't understand, Chief.
05:39Are you saying that chaos wants to blow California off the map?
05:42Exactly.
05:43But why California?
05:44Because some of our biggest missile bases are located in California.
05:47And some of our best television shows come from there, too, 99.
05:51California is expecting an earthquake.
05:53Now, this is a perfect alibi for chaos.
05:55They blow California into the ocean, and everybody will blame it on the earthquake.
05:58But, Chief, if that were to happen...
06:00That's right, 99, it would be a disaster.
06:02And some disaster.
06:04Just think, Ronald Reagan will have to go back to making movies again.
06:08That's not the disaster I was talking about, Max.
06:10Oh, no?
06:11Think about it.
06:14I'm sorry, that's my new secret phone.
06:16Now, I'm the only one who is supposed to know where that phone is hidden in this office.
06:20That's okay, Chief.
06:21We'll wait in the outer office.
06:23Come on, 99.
06:37Good afternoon, sir.
06:39Hi, Chief.
06:39This is Larrabee.
06:40Larrabee?
06:41How'd you get the number of my secret phone?
06:42I looked it up in the phone book.
06:44It's in the phone book?
06:45It's listed in the classified pages under secrets.
06:47I just found a cab driver who picked up little Louie Dunlap at the pier.
06:52Great work, Larrabee.
06:53Get him in here immediately.
06:54Well, first, we'll have to capture him.
06:56Not Dunlap, the cab driver.
06:58Oh, I can't, Chief.
06:59If he refuses to come now, he's on duty.
07:01Then we'll go down there.
07:02Where is he?
07:02He's parked at a cab stand at 4th and Fulton.
07:14That won't be necessary.
07:15We're not going anyplace.
07:16We're just going to talk.
07:17I know that, but any time anybody gets into the cab, I'm supposed to throw the meter on.
07:21Well, how do you determine how much to charge people who are just going to talk?
07:23Well, it's 35 cents for the first three sentences and 10 cents a word thereafter.
07:28You picked up a little blonde girl carrying a doll at the airport yesterday, didn't you?
07:32Yeah.
07:33She's like a tall man.
07:35Hey, look where you're going!
07:37With a beard.
07:38I remember them well.
07:39Where'd you drop them off?
07:40Um, let's see, 727 South Cleveland at a place called, come on, come on, I haven't got all day!
07:50Miss Valerie's school for expectant fathers.
07:54All right, the same to you!
07:57Listen, I hope I'm not out of line, but seeing as we're standing still, why do you keep yelling at the other cause?
08:02Force of habit.
08:04You've been very helpful, thank you.
08:05Max Payton.
08:06I'll be $3.40.
08:11$3.40?
08:13Yeah.
08:14Chief, we should have walked and talked.
08:16Listen, fella, I know you may not realize this, but the information that you just gave us could be of vital importance to this country.
08:24You're kidding.
08:25No, I'm not kidding.
08:27No, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but we happen to be secret agents.
08:30And what you have just told us could mean that millions of your fellow Americans can continue to live in a country that is the home of the brave and the land of the free.
08:40You mean what I just told you guys is going to help my country?
08:44That's right.
08:46Gee, that makes a guy feel kind of good all over.
08:49Well, it should.
08:50Okay, make it $3 even.
08:55All right, gentlemen, so much for the care of the infant in cases of colic.
09:00Now, for the benefit of our two new students, Mr. Clark and Mr. Smart, shall we go over the procedure, the correct procedure for bathing the baby?
09:10Now, as you remember, the first thing that we must do is test the temperature by dipping our elbow into the water.
09:17If you would do that, please.
09:24You're supposed to roll up your sleeve.
09:27Oh, it's okay, Chief.
09:28It's drip dry.
09:31Holding the baby thusly.
09:34Can you all see?
09:36We place the baby gently in the bath net and proceed to bathe it.
09:40Well, what do you think, Chief?
09:42I don't know, Max.
09:43All the rest of the students look okay to me, but I don't know about Miss Valerie.
09:48Are you kidding?
09:49She looks a lot better to me than the students.
09:52Max, if what the cab driver told us was true, the second part of that formula must be here somewhere.
09:57Yeah, but where?
09:58Shh, here she comes.
10:00Mr. Smart, how are you doing?
10:01Oh, fine.
10:02Fine, thank you.
10:04Do you know the difference between the head and the feet?
10:07Hmm?
10:07Oh, sure.
10:08These are the feet, and the head is down there somewhere.
10:11I think you'll find, Mr. Smart, that if you keep the head above water, your baby will be much happier.
10:17Oh, thank you.
10:18Now, gentlemen, if you'll please dress your babies.
10:22Would you excuse me a moment?
10:23Hello?
10:28Valerie, Mondo, Carney is here with a third part of the formula.
10:33I can't tell you how happy this makes me.
10:35Are you at the airport?
10:36No, we're in a phone booth down the street from your place.
10:39Give me just a moment to clear the classroom.
10:41It could be in that supply room, Max.
10:43It's the only door in the room that's locked.
10:45Of course, Chief.
10:46It's got to be the supply room.
10:48Well, we'll have to come up with some clever way of taking a look in that room.
10:52Let me handle that, Chief.
10:54Miss Valerie?
10:55Yes?
10:55Could I take a look in the supply room?
10:58Of course not.
10:59I keep my personal things in there.
11:01That's why it's locked.
11:02I'll have to think of another clever way, Chief.
11:04Don't bother.
11:05I'm terribly sorry, students, but an emergency has arisen.
11:09I'm afraid I'll have to cut the class short.
11:11But I want all of you to take your dolls home with you
11:13and practice bathing them
11:15and don't forget to bring them back next week.
11:20Good night.
11:21Good night.
11:21See you next week.
11:23Good night.
11:24Good night.
11:25Good night.
11:29Good night.
11:30Good night.
11:32Shut the door, Mondo.
11:35Now, at long last, we can put the entire formula together.
11:49All right, Mondo, pull the string on the first doll.
11:53My name is Mary Lou.
11:55Two parts hydrogen dexachloride.
11:58All right.
11:59Now the second doll.
12:01My name is Mary Lou.
12:03One part laudanum solution.
12:07And now for the third and final part.
12:10My name is Mary Lou.
12:13I hate fresh boys.
12:15I have a little doggie.
12:20What is this?
12:23My name is Mary Lou.
12:25Wait, wait.
12:26When Carnie collided with that new student, Smart,
12:30they dropped the dolls.
12:32The Smart must have given him back the wrong doll by mistake.
12:35Yes.
12:36We've got to get that doll back before he discovers the secret.
12:40Do you know where he lives?
12:41Yes, I have his address in my files.
12:43Mondo, you must go there immediately and get the doll back.
12:45Don't worry.
12:47I'll get that doll back one way
12:49and the others.
13:07Who is it?
13:09It's me, honey.
13:09What's the password?
13:11I lost my wallet.
13:12That's not the password.
13:14I know, but I had the password written on a piece of paper in my wallet.
13:17That's Mary Lou.
13:19Hello, Max.
13:21I'm so glad you're home.
13:24What are you doing with that doll?
13:26Oh, well, this is one of the dolls from Miss Valerie's school.
13:28She let me take it home tonight to play with it.
13:30Eh, practice with it.
13:32It's adorable.
13:34Look, it's the talking time.
13:36My name is Mary Lou.
13:38Did you find out anything today?
13:40Yes.
13:40Well, I did find out one thing, 99.
13:42I found out that it's better if you roll your sleeve up
13:45before you dip your elbow in the water.
13:47I mean about the formula.
13:48Oh, well, the baby's formula.
13:51That doesn't come up for three weeks.
13:52No, Max.
13:53The formula for the explosive.
13:54Oh, well, the chief and I didn't get a chance
13:56to get around to that 99,
13:57but we're going back later tonight.
13:59Oh, you must be exhausted.
14:01Let me draw you a bath.
14:02Okay.
14:03Be quiet.
14:06Do you think it might be chaos?
14:07Either that or your mother.
14:10Max?
14:1099, you go ahead and draw my bath.
14:12I'll take care of the door.
14:13All right.
14:21Yes?
14:21Sorry to interrupt you at this hour,
14:23but my car broke down.
14:24May I use your phone?
14:26Oh, certainly.
14:26It's right over there on the desk.
14:28Ah, yes.
14:30Hmm.
14:30Uh, if you need anything, I'll be upstairs.
14:36Uh, upstairs.
14:38Your bath will be ready in a minute, love.
14:50Who is at the door?
14:51Uh, some guy's car broke down,
14:52and he asked to use the phone.
14:53Oh.
14:54Max, why would he come all the way up here?
15:00Why wouldn't he just try one of the apartments on the first floor?
15:02Well, I don't know.
15:03Maybe there was nobody home.
15:04On the whole first floor?
15:06And what about the pay phone in the lobby?
15:08He could have used that.
15:09Well, maybe he didn't have any change.
15:11I don't like it, Max.
15:12I don't think he ought to be down there by himself.
15:1599, why are you always so suspicious?
15:18Some poor guy comes along, his car breaks down,
15:20he sees the light shining in our window.
15:22So he comes upstairs and asks us if he can please use our phone.
15:26And right away, you think something wrong is happening.
15:29Well, I don't know, Max.
15:30I just don't feel right about it.
15:33Okay, 99.
15:35If it'll make you feel any better,
15:36I'll go down and wait until he finishes the phone call.
15:48Hey.
15:49What's going on here?
15:52All right.
15:53Where is it?
15:55I told you, it's right there on top of the desk.
15:57Why are you...
15:59What happened?
16:00Nothing, 99.
16:01He just couldn't find the telephone.
16:03I told him it was right here on top of the desk.
16:05I want the doll.
16:07Hey, wait a minute, fellow.
16:08That happens to be my wife.
16:10I don't want her.
16:12I want the doll you brought home from Miss Valerie's school.
16:15Oh, that doll.
16:16Yes, sir.
16:17And I want it now.
16:19He wants it now.
16:21Well, we better give it to him, Max.
16:22It's only a doll, after all.
16:24It's in the bedroom.
16:25I'll get it.
16:25She better get it, because if she doesn't get it, you get it.
16:32Got it?
16:33Got it.
16:34All right.
16:35Move over there.
16:36Fast, fast, fast.
16:37Come, come, come.
16:38Come, hurry.
16:38All right now.
16:39Throw me the doll.
16:44Don't do anything foolish.
16:45Now you tell me.
16:46I'm leaving now.
16:51Don't try to follow me.
16:57Okay, 99, that is it.
17:00We're getting out.
17:01What do you mean, Max?
17:02Well, when it comes to the point that a man can come to your apartment in the middle of the night,
17:07take out a gun, and take away your doll,
17:09that's when it's time to get out of the neighborhood.
17:12Max, when little Louie Dunlap smuggled the second part of the formula past your customs,
17:17wasn't he carrying a doll?
17:19You're right, 99.
17:21And that doll looked exactly like that doll.
17:24But that must be how they're smuggling in the formula, in dolls.
17:27Of course.
17:28And Miss Valerie's place is the drop-off.
17:31I'm going back down there.
17:32Hey, you tell the chief to meet me there as quickly as he can.
17:35There is no possible way anyone can connect us together.
17:40That's good.
17:41We must get to the airport for 25 minutes and catch that fight, whatever happens.
17:45Well, then, whatever I want, of course, it would be large.
17:49I said, I'm going to buy you this brilliant small secrets.
17:54It's just more than at all.
18:02I said, I don't have to.
18:25How nice of you to drop in, Mr. Smart.
18:55You said you wanted to see what was in this room.
18:59Well, not really.
19:00I could...
19:02Of course.
19:07The old secret supply room and the supply room trick.
19:12I need to tie him up.
19:13There's no time for that.
19:14Our plane leaves for Los Angeles in 20 minutes.
19:17Get the dolls with the formula.
19:21Now, Mr. Smart, I'm going to give you a sporting chance.
19:25There are six dolls in this room.
19:29As you already know, each one of them has a string hanging from its back.
19:32Now, the string on one of those dolls is going to open the door to this room.
19:36I see.
19:38Then it's just a question of how much time it takes me to find the doll with the right string
19:41to get out of this room.
19:43Correct.
19:44However, one of the dolls in this room contains a bomb.
19:47So if you pull that doll's string, this room will be blown to bits.
19:50Hmm.
19:51Sort of a Russian roulette with dolls.
19:54Yes.
19:55Just a moment.
19:56Supposing that I don't pull the string on any of the dolls.
20:01Supposing I just wait here until somebody comes and finds me.
20:04Unfortunately, my dear Mr. Smart, there's only enough air left in this room to last 30 minutes.
20:10Oh, yeah?
20:11Well, supposing I hold my breath.
20:17My name is Mary Lou.
20:40You don't know how happy I am to hear that.
20:46Max?
20:47There's nobody here.
20:48Wait a minute.
20:49The supply room.
20:50What's in there, Chief?
20:51I don't know, 99, but I'm going to find out.
20:52Max, are you in there?
20:53My name is Mary Lou.
20:54Stand back, 99.
20:55Well, there's nothing in here except those baby things on the shelf.
20:56Why would they keep things like this under lock and key?
20:57Maybe there's something behind them.
20:58Well, there's nothing in here except those baby things on the shelf.
21:04Why would they keep things like this under lock and key?
21:05Maybe there's something behind them.
21:09Max, thank heavens you're all right.
21:10Max, thank heavens you're all right.
21:11Of course I'm all right, 99.
21:12Chief, you got here just in time.
21:17Where are they headed?
21:18They're on their way to the airport.
21:19They're leaving for Los Angeles in five minutes.
21:24Laraby stationed there.
21:25I'll call him and have them stop them.
21:26Look at them.
21:27I can tell you what they look like, Chief.
21:28Thank heaven you're all right.
21:37Of course I'm all right, 99.
21:38Chief, he got here just in time.
21:39Where are they headed?
21:40They're on their way to the airport.
21:41They're leaving for Los Angeles in five minutes.
21:43Larrabee's stationed there.
21:44I'll call him and have him stop them.
21:45I can tell you exactly what they look like, Chief.
21:47Flight 4074 in Los Angeles, now boarding.
22:00Oh, I'm a government agent.
22:01I want to see some identification.
22:03What seems to be the trouble?
22:04Just checking their identification.
22:06You three better get going.
22:07Your flight leaves in less than five minutes.
22:09Thank you very much.
22:17But didn't it strike you funny that the pilot, the co-pilot, and the stewardess were all
22:25carrying dolls?
22:27Now that you mention it, that is strange.
22:3199, Max, we've got to beat that plane to Los Angeles.
22:37Larrabee, how can you be so stupid?
22:40Come on, Max.
22:47Flight 407 now arriving from Washington.
23:00Well, gentlemen, I suggest that we split up and rendezvous at location Z.
23:04That won't be necessary.
23:06We'll take those dolls now.
23:08Front weight.
23:11I'll take that, Miss Valerie.
23:14Just tell me one thing, Mr. Smart.
23:16How did you manage to beat us to Los Angeles?
23:19Well, it was really quite simple.
23:21While you were stacked up, circling over Los Angeles, we were barreling along at 70 miles
23:25an hour by train.
23:46I'm not sure how.
23:48How did you manage to beat us to these dudes?
23:49No, no, no.
23:50.
24:00What did you.
24:02I was just and I want you to be up to cheese.
24:02You are good.
24:06Oh, no.
24:08We were on the other side.
24:08We were on the other side.
24:09We were on the other side.
24:10The other side.
24:11We were on the other side.
24:11I want you to take that.
24:12Come on the other side.
24:13I'm going on to create that new,
24:14you've no心.
24:15I'm going on.
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