- hace 3 meses
Max is assigned to protect Dr. Canyon, the inventor of an invisibility spray. Because Dr. Canyon has sprayed herself with said invisibility spray, Max has no idea she is a beautiful woman. This becomes a problem when Max has to protect Dr. Canyon at his apartment in the middle of the night. Returning home from assignment, 99 arrives back at the apartment just as Dr. Canyon's invisibility spray is wearing off. The title is a parody of the Pledge of Allegiance of the United States, "one nation, indivisible".
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00:00Hello?
00:11Mr. Maxwell Smart, please. Long distance calling.
00:14I'm drenched.
00:15I have a call from Mrs. Smart from Mr. Smart. Is he there, Mr. Drenched?
00:19No, my name isn't.
00:21Mrs. Smart, did you say?
00:23That is correct.
00:24Yes, I'll accept the call.
00:26Please deposit $4.75.
00:29Right, Operator.
00:30Hmm.
00:4299?
00:43Hello, Max. How are you?
00:45Gee, I'm sure glad to hear your voice.
00:48Sorry, your time is up.
00:50Look, 99, why don't you call me right back and reverse the charges?
00:53Right, Max.
00:58Who is it?
00:59It's your spiffy vacuum cleaner, man.
01:02I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in a vacuum cleaner.
01:04Spiffy cleans in a jiffy.
01:06Good for spiffy. I'm still not interested in a...
01:09Look, I'm very busy. I'm expecting a long distance phone call.
01:13There it is now. Excuse me.
01:18Hello?
01:19Mr. Drenched, I have a collect call from Mrs. Smart for Mr. Smart.
01:23I'll accept it.
01:23Go ahead, please.
01:25Oh, hello, Max. I miss you so much.
01:28I miss you, too. How's the assignment coming?
01:30Oh, it's going pretty well. I should have it wrapped up in two or three days.
01:33Good. And I can't wait for you to get home. Things aren't the same around here without you.
01:37Aw. Have you been taking care of yourself, Max? Have you been eating a good breakfast?
01:41Don't worry, 99. Every morning when I get up, I go down to the lunchroom on the corner, have breakfast, and then I run right back to the apartment.
01:47Oh, Max, you shouldn't eat there. The food is terrible.
01:51Why do you think I run right back to the apartment?
01:53No, Max, I don't want you to eat there anymore.
01:55If you don't feel like cooking for yourself, why don't you just go to the supermarket and get some TV dinners?
01:59I did, 99, but they canceled all my favorites.
02:02Max, I'm late for contact. Now, you take better care of yourself. I'll call you again tomorrow.
02:06Goodbye, sweetheart.
02:08Bye-bye, love.
02:16Who is it?
02:17It's Spiffy Vacuum Cleaner Man.
02:19I already told you I'm not interested in buying a vacuum cleaner.
02:23Sir, just let me show you the quality of the hose.
02:28I really appreciate this.
02:31You're the first person to even let me in the door.
02:33Yes, well, that's all very well and good. Nevertheless, I have no need for a vacuum cleaner, so you're just wasting your time.
02:39It's okay, it's okay.
02:40The only thing is, when I go back to the office, I have to tell them that I had a demonstration.
02:45All right, go ahead, demonstrate it.
02:47Just take a second.
02:48All right, but you're wasting your time. I'm telling you, I don't need a vacuum cleaner.
02:50Well, when you see it, you'll appreciate it.
02:52Is that dirt?
03:06Yes, it is, but it's clean. It's the first time I used it all day.
03:09Well, I certainly hope this thing can pick all that junk you just threw all over my new rug.
03:13Now, you're not going to believe when you hear this machine.
03:18Huh? How about that motor? You can hardly hear it.
03:22I can't hear it at all.
03:23Well, that's because it's not running.
03:25Because it's short.
03:27Sir, I'll get there.
03:28I have another one, sir, in my car. A new demonstrator.
03:31Let me get there.
03:31Don't bother. Don't bother. I'll use my own vacuum.
03:34No, no, no. Don't do that. That dirt won't come up in your vacuum cleaner.
03:37This is a special kind of dirt. It'll only work in a spiffy.
03:40Don't panic. I'll be right back.
03:43Spiffy in a jiffy.
03:59Gas.
04:13And, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh
05:13Chief, you'll never believe what just happened to me.
05:30I was gassed by a phony vacuum cleaner salesman,
05:33and when I came to, my whole apartment had been completely ransacked.
05:37They're early.
05:38Who's early?
05:39Chaos. They're looking for Dr. Canyon.
05:41Who's Dr. Canyon?
05:42A chaos scientist who's invented a formula for invisibility.
05:46Invisibility?
05:47Dr. Canyon has defected to this country and has offered to turn the secret over to control.
05:51What secret?
05:51The secret of invisibility, Max.
05:53Oh, that secret.
05:55Then that's why they searched my apartment.
05:57Chief?
05:58Yeah?
05:58Why did they search my apartment?
06:01Max, this is too vital to discuss on the phone.
06:04I couldn't agree with you more, Chief.
06:05So you come down here as soon as you can.
06:07I'm leaving now, Chief.
06:08And I'll fill you in.
06:09On what?
06:10Max!
06:11I'm leaving right away, Chief.
06:13Is there anything I can bring you?
06:14No, thanks, Max.
06:15I've already got it.
06:21Dr. Canyon's formula for invisibility is really quite simple.
06:25All objects reflect or refract light waves.
06:28The formula merely changes the absorption ratio so that the optic nerve is unable to transmit light impulses to the cerebellum, thus rendering anything it touches imperceptible.
06:36Well, that's easy for you to say.
06:39Max, in other words, it has the ability to cloud men's minds.
06:43Hey, Chief.
06:44That had come in very handy during an election.
06:46It comes in handy right now, Max.
06:48There's something I haven't told you yet.
06:50Brace yourself.
06:52Chaos has stolen the Ginsburg papers.
06:55Chief.
06:56Yes?
06:57Someone's been putting gum under your desk.
06:59Max, didn't you hear what I said?
07:01The Ginsburg papers have been stolen.
07:03You know how valuable they are to our government.
07:05I know, Chief.
07:05If those papers fall into the wrong hands...
07:07Max, they are in the wrong hands, and we've got to get them back.
07:10Well, how are we going to do that, Chief?
07:12Who is the one person who could penetrate chaos headquarters, get the Ginsburg papers, and slip out without being noticed?
07:18The vice president.
07:21Wrong.
07:22Dr. Canyon.
07:25Of course, Dr. Canyon.
07:27Why, he could make himself invisible and walk right into chaos headquarters.
07:31Yes, there's only one danger.
07:32The formula wears off with very little warning, and if that should happen while he's in there, they'll kill him on the spot.
07:37Yes, well, that's the chance we'll have to take, Chief.
07:40Well, I'd rather risk one of our own agents, but until the formula is perfected, Dr. Canyon won't let anyone else use it.
07:45When does Dr. Canyon get here, Chief?
07:46He arrived tonight by boat. You're to meet him at the Golden Frigate Cafe.
07:50Well, what does he look like?
07:51We don't know. We don't have a picture of Dr. Canyon in our files.
07:54But you go to the cafe, and he'll contact you.
07:57Now, remember, Max, your job is to protect him from chaos until complete security arrangements can be made.
08:02I'll hide him at my apartment, Chief. Chaos is already searched there.
08:05Good thinking, Max.
08:06Oh, one more thing. This case is a code Z.
08:08That means you can't discuss it with anyone, not even 99.
08:11Right, Chief.
08:12Now, Max, I want you to be very careful.
08:14Chaos will stop at nothing to get at the doctor.
08:17Don't worry, Chief.
08:18They're dealing with a thoroughly experienced, highly trained, alert, and perceptive agent.
08:23One who doesn't overlook the minutest detail.
08:32Chief?
08:32Well, what was that place that I was supposed to meet him at?
08:35Chief?
08:47Chief?
08:50Chief?
08:53Chief?
08:58Chief?
08:59Oh, my God.
09:29Oh, my God.
09:59Wait a minute, Chief.
10:04The door just opened and closed by itself.
10:07I think Dr. Canyon just came in.
10:10Or went out.
10:11I can't talk anymore, Chief.
10:27Canyon's here, and you're right.
10:29He's invisible.
10:30Don't worry, Chief.
10:33He's in good hands.
10:34Dr. Canyon?
10:51Maxwell Smart, secret agent 86 of control.
10:55We've got to be very careful.
10:57Here's the...
10:58Don't worry, Dr. Canyon.
11:09It's waterproof.
11:10Don't move, Dr. Canyon.
11:17Two chaos agents just came in.
11:19We've got to get out of here.
11:21Follow me.
11:23And try not to be conspicuous.
11:25Now, the front door is blocked, so we'll have to make our escape through the window of the men's room.
11:54I'm afraid we'll have to think of another way out, Mr. Smart.
12:01Come in now.
12:04All right.
12:05Now, I don't want you to go near any windows.
12:07Don't open the door for anybody.
12:09And above all, keep your voice down.
12:12I'm a married man, and it'd be pretty hard to explain to the neighbors what a woman is doing in my apartment while my wife is away.
12:18Have you got that?
12:21Shh.
12:22We may have been followed.
12:24Who is it?
12:26Dr. Canyon.
12:29I'm going to bed now, doctor.
12:31If you need any more blankets, you'll find them in the closet.
12:34I'll see you in the morning.
12:36Better make that I'll talk to you in the morning.
12:38Oh, am I tired.
12:42Oh!
12:43Dr. Canyon, what are you doing on the sofa?
12:46I was sleeping.
12:47Well, you're supposed to be upstairs in the bedroom.
12:50I didn't want to be any trouble, Mr. Smart.
12:52I'll be fine right here on the sofa.
12:55Nonsense.
12:55I won't hear of it.
13:01Now, I want you to get a good night's sleep.
13:04What's the matter?
13:04I'm not sure.
13:06I feel dizzy.
13:08I'm afraid the formula is wearing off.
13:11Perhaps I'd better...
13:14Doctor!
13:17Doctor!
13:17Doctor!
13:17Doctor!
13:33Oh, that's just great.
13:35What else can happen to me today?
13:36What else?
13:37Who is it?
13:37It's me, Max.
13:41That's what else.
13:42Doctor!
13:42Doctor!
13:47Max, why don't you open the door?
13:59Yes, I will in a minute, dear, but right now I have my hands full.
14:06Aren't you going to open the door, Max?
14:09Yes, dear, in a minute.
14:10What are you doing here?
14:12Max, I live here.
14:13Yes, but you're not supposed to live here for two more days.
14:16Well, we got a break on the case, and I wrapped it up right after I talked to you, so I caught
14:21a plane, and here I am.
14:23Good!
14:27Oops.
14:30Excuse me, Doctor.
14:30Doctor.
14:31Max!
14:52Oh, I missed you so much.
14:56Oh, it's so wonderful to be home.
14:58Listen, 99, I know you must be famished, but why don't we run down to Chinatown and get
15:02some chop suey?
15:03No, Max, I eat on the plane.
15:04Eat on the plane.
15:06Max, were you sleeping on the sofa?
15:08Huh?
15:09Oh, the sofa.
15:10Yes, yes.
15:10As a matter of fact, 99, I was sleeping on the sofa.
15:13You see, I wanted to be down here next to the phone in case you called.
15:16But there's a phone in the bedroom.
15:17A phone upstairs.
15:18Yes, that phone.
15:19Well, I wanted to be down here next to this phone because, you see, this phone is next to
15:23your picture.
15:24Well, why didn't you just take my picture upstairs?
15:26Your picture upstairs, yes.
15:28Well, to tell you the truth, 99, I was afraid that I would drop your picture and break it.
15:32Max, how can you break cardboard?
15:34Cardboard, yes.
15:35That's hard to break, I'll tell you.
15:36Look, 99, I have a tremendous idea.
15:38Why don't we go down to Chinatown and we'll get a nice bite to eat, maybe some, maybe some
15:41nice chow mein.
15:42Max, you asked me that before.
15:43No, no, no, no.
15:44I asked you about chop suey.
15:45Well, I still ate on the plane.
15:47I grew young.
15:48It's four o'clock in the morning.
15:50Close the door and let's go to bed.
15:52Look, 99, look, yeah, this will be nice.
15:55You could sleep right here.
15:56I'll have this fixed in a jiffy and you'll just sleep like a baby.
16:00Everything will be just beautiful.
16:02Max, I'm not sleeping on the sofa.
16:04I'm sleeping upstairs in our bed.
16:06Yes.
16:07Well, look, 99, I've got a tremendous idea.
16:09Why don't you fix yourself a nice cup of hot, warm milk and I'll take your bag upstairs to
16:15the bedroom.
16:15Good idea, Max.
16:16Where am I?
16:25Shh.
16:26My wife is downstairs.
16:28But I thought you said she was out of town.
16:30She was, but she isn't.
16:31All I can say is it's a good thing that you're invisible because if my wife ever saw you...
16:35Dr. Canyon, you're visible.
16:40Max!
16:41Oh, hi, 99.
16:45Now, wait a minute, 99.
16:46I can explain anything.
16:47I mean everything.
16:48Max, there's nothing to explain.
16:49I think it's all perfectly clear.
16:50But it's not all perfectly clear.
16:52You don't even know why I brought Dr. Canyon here.
16:54Now, I suppose you're going to tell me she's part of some secret case that you're working
16:57on.
16:57How did you know that?
16:58Oh, Max, goodbye.
16:59Mrs. Smart, I think we owe her an explanation.
17:03Now, just a moment, Dr. Canyon.
17:04This is a code Z case and I'm not allowed to tell anybody about it.
17:07Not even my wife.
17:08I am not a control agent.
17:11You see, Mrs. Smart, your husband was assigned to protect me from chaos.
17:14And may I ask why?
17:15I invented a formula for invisibility.
17:18And that's the truth, 99.
17:19When I brought Dr. Canyon home, I thought he'd be a short, fat, ball-headed little old
17:24scientist.
17:24I never dreamed for one single moment that it would turn out to be this luscious, beautiful,
17:28gorgeous woman that you see before you.
17:30I don't think I explained that too good.
17:32I think you explained it perfectly.
17:34Goodbye.
17:34Wait, I can prove it.
17:36I have a can of invisibility spray in my purse.
17:39Well, that's it.
17:40Where's your purse?
17:41I don't know.
17:42It's invisible and I can't remember where I put it down.
17:45Well, it must be around here someplace.
17:48I found it.
17:51The spray can should be visible because it's inside the purse.
17:54Just reach in and get it.
17:55Now, watch this, 99.
18:03Mr. Smart, I'd rather you wouldn't.
18:05Oh, it's all right, doctor.
18:06I just want to prove something.
18:20Max, you're invisible.
18:22You were telling the truth.
18:24Then you forgive me?
18:25Oh, of course I forgive you, Max.
18:27But how can you ever forgive me?
18:29I mean, I was such a bad person not to believe you when you were telling me the truth.
18:35Goodbye, Max.
18:36Where are you going now?
18:37I'm leaving you.
18:38What for?
18:40I don't deserve you.
18:44Oh, hello, 99.
18:46Gee, I'm glad you're back.
18:47You could be a real help on this assignment.
18:49Now, I'll fill you in on the details.
18:50I know all about it, Chief.
18:52Who told you?
18:52She did.
18:53Who's she?
18:54Dr. Canyon.
18:55Dr. Canyon's a woman?
18:56That's right.
18:57Who's that?
18:58It's me, Chief.
18:59I'm invisible.
19:00Max?
19:01Well, that's wonderful.
19:02The formula really works.
19:03What's up, Chief?
19:04Well, we've just learned that chaos is going to take the Ginsburg papers out of the country
19:08tonight.
19:09Chaos has the Ginsburg papers?
19:11Unfortunately for the civilized world, yes.
19:14Now, we have exactly one hour to penetrate chaos headquarters and take out those papers.
19:18Doctor, make yourself invisible.
19:19I can't.
19:20Why not?
19:21Mr. Smart used up all the formula.
19:23Well, can't you make some more?
19:24Yes, I can, but it'll take me five hours.
19:27We don't have that much time.
19:29Max, it's up to you.
19:30Well, I'll try, Chief, but I doubt if I could make the formula any faster than Dr. Canyon.
19:34I don't mean that, Max.
19:36I mean, now that you're already invisible, you'll have to penetrate chaos headquarters
19:40and take out those papers.
19:41It'll be a pushover, Chief.
19:43I'll be able to move around chaos headquarters just like I'm moving around in this room right
19:47now.
19:47I won't even have to look out for the guards.
19:52But I'll have to watch out for the lamps.
19:55Hey, how much longer?
19:57Another 25 minutes, and we can stop worrying about the Ginsburg papers.
20:01And let's grab a cup of coffee.
20:02You know we can't leave this room.
20:04What could happen?
20:06There's a guard on every floor.
20:07Double security.
20:08It would be impossible for anybody to get in here.
20:12What was that?
20:14The lamp fell over.
20:17The lamp says don't fall over.
20:19Well, this one did.
20:23Will you look at the dust on that lamp?
20:29Resentai.
20:31What did you say?
20:33I said gazentai.
20:34Oh.
20:36What for?
20:37I didn't sneeze.
20:40Well, someone did.
20:42There's someone in this room.
20:46Hey, relax.
20:48We've been guarding these papers so long, you're beginning to imagine things.
20:51Yeah, just the same.
20:52We can't take any chances.
20:53Do you know what would happen if those papers fell into the wrong hands?
20:55Gentlemen, those papers are in the wrong hands.
21:00Right.
21:00There is someone in this room.
21:03That's right.
21:04Maxwell Smart, age in 86.
21:06And you're powerless because I happen to be invisible.
21:11So gentlemen, go ahead and fire your guns if you wish.
21:14It will do you no good because you don't know where I am.
21:18You see, one minute I might be here, and then the next minute I might be over here.
21:24And of course, a minute later I might be here.
21:28It all reminds me of a little poem I once heard.
21:33They seek him here.
21:35They seek him there.
21:37Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.
21:40Is he in heaven or is he in hell?
21:44Ha, ha, ha, ha.
21:44That darn delusive Pimpernel.
21:50So, you see, gentlemen, the truth of the matter is that I can take the Ginsberg papers any time I like.
21:59And there is nothing you can do to stop me.
22:03Get your foot off the chair.
22:09Don't tell me I'm not invisible.
22:11You're not invisible.
22:12I asked him not to tell me that.
22:15Do you know what's going to happen to you, smart?
22:18You're going to have an accident.
22:20We're 15 floors up.
22:22You're going to fall out of that window, and it's going to look like he's suicide.
22:26Wrong, gentlemen.
22:27Because there is no way in this world that you can make me jump out that window.
22:32Therefore, your plan will not work.
22:35But it's certainly worth a try.
22:39Get out on that ledge.
22:42Now, just a moment, gentlemen.
22:43Surely you don't think that I would be stupid enough to come here by myself.
22:47Yes, we do.
22:48Well, that's where you're wrong.
22:49Because at this very moment, Control Agent Fredericks is standing right behind you.
22:54You don't think we're stupid enough to fall for that trick, do you?
22:57Now, get out on that ledge.
23:00All right, Fredericks.
23:01Let him have it.
23:03Morpach.
23:04Is there someone behind me?
23:07No.
23:07That's funny.
23:08Someone just tapped me on the shoulder.
23:15Good work, Fredericks.
23:18Fredericks?
23:20I don't know anybody named Fredericks.
23:23Boy, am I glad Dr. Canyon showed up when she did.
23:26Fortunately, with the help of the boys in the lab, she was able to make the formula in less than an hour.
23:30That was a lucky break for me.
23:31It was a lucky break for the world.
23:33We saved the Ginsburg papers.
23:34Where are they, Max?
23:35Right here, Chief.
23:36Wait a minute.
23:38These are the wrong papers.
23:40What do you mean, Max?
23:41But these are the Gottlieb papers.
23:43No, Max, those are the Ginsburg papers.
23:45But it says right there, Gottlieb.
23:47Ginsburg changed his name.
23:48The End
23:57The End
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