- hace 3 meses
A man who hates noise devises a silent explosive. Finding both CONTROL and KAOS unwilling to back his agenda, he turns the silent explosive on both spy organizations. Max and Siegfried must team up to oppose the man. But can Max trust Siegfried not to act in a self-interested way? A spoof of Bye, Bye Birdie.
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00:00uh right away 99
00:06all right i'm coming i'm coming
00:1199 that is a fantastic disguise i never would have recognized you but i'm not 99
00:21see what did i tell you please mr smart take it easy uh talk softly i beg of you
00:26oh i get it you came here to deliver a secret message secret heavens no i want the whole
00:34world to know about this you do then why are we whispering please mr smart there's no need for
00:40shouting well if we talk any softer we'll have to send each other letters who are you anyway
00:51my name is albert fister p f i s t e r the p is silent like in pneumonia oh really you know
01:01that's very strange i have the same problem with the last ellen maxwell well look mr fister i really
01:08would like to talk to you but i don't have any time my associate is coming to pick me up oh oh but look
01:12it won't take a moment i represent the please mr fister we already gave it the office oh but that's
01:18impossible i couldn't find your control office well of course not mr fister control is one of the
01:25most highly secret government agencies in the world wait a minute if you couldn't find control
01:32how did you know where to find me oh i telephoned chaos and they gave me this address
01:37yes of course you you must listen to me the world is destroying itself with its own sounds
01:45loud automobiles squeaky shoes noisy machines cranking out other noisy machines yes well that's what we
01:54call progress and let us reverse progress we have to take the world back to the beginning when it was
02:00peaceful quiet tranquil when a man could even hear a blade of grass growing oh oh please mr smart
02:07sign my petition uh your petition yes well it wouldn't do me any good to sign your petition
02:14mr fister you see uh i'm a spy and my fountain pen is filled with invisible ink now just excuse me
02:20please mr smart join my crusade i beg of you help me to eliminate all the noise in the world before
02:27it's too late excuse me but that's my associate now well won't you won't you please sign my petition
02:37i'm sorry mr fister but i can't sign that petition quiet is unamerican
02:42you are my last hope mr smart since you won't help me eliminate the noise of the world
02:58you just have to eliminate the world itself
03:03look max there it is so that's the new secret message drop
03:12max it exploded
03:18i don't understand 99 the whole thing blew up without a sound
03:25but that's impossible explosions make noise and we didn't hear a thing
03:29then what happened to the statue max i don't know that's unbelievable the statue blew up without a sound
03:37what could have caused it
03:38huh
03:45uh
03:49the
04:20It's incredible.
04:45Absolutely unbelievable.
04:47Max, are you sure you were looking directly at that statue when it blew up?
04:49Yes, Chief. It exploded in complete silence. I could hardly believe my eyes.
04:53It was the weirdest thing I've ever seen.
04:56Almost.
04:58It looks as if chaos has come up with a weapon that could completely revolutionize the art of sabotage.
05:03A silent explosive.
05:04Yes. And there's only one man who could be responsible for it.
05:08Their vice president in charge of public relations and terror.
05:11My old enemy, Siegfried.
05:14I think I better have a talk with Mr. Siegfried.
05:17Good thinking, Max. But how are you going to find him?
05:19Very simple, 99.
05:20I happen to know that Ludwig will be at the Smithsonian Institute at 9 a.m. on Tuesday.
05:26Max, who cares about Ludwig? What about Siegfried?
05:29Chief, you don't understand. Ludwig is the chaos code name for Siegfried.
05:33And 9 a.m. on Tuesday is actually 11 a.m. on Thursday.
05:37Well, it's almost that time now. Max, you better get started for the Smithsonian right away.
05:41Chief, the Smithsonian is the chaos code name for Park.
05:45Max, get going right away.
05:47Right, Chief. Listen, why don't you try that on your head for a while?
05:50Well, 99, that statue is Chaos' new secret message drop.
06:10Isn't that strange, Max? Chaos having a secret message drop in the same park where we have ours.
06:14Well, what's so strange about that? They pay their taxes the same way we do. They're entitled.
06:18Well, why don't they represent evil?
06:2199, these parks are open to everybody, regardless of race, creed, or purpose.
06:26Nancy Siegfried, he must be around here somewhere.
06:29Yes, I'd like to ask him where he gets the nerve to blow up our personal property.
06:41Where have you... Where have you been?
06:44I've been waiting and waiting and standing here for 17 seconds.
06:48I was stopped by a little old man.
06:50What kind of a little old man stopped you?
06:52With red earmuffs.
06:53Who wears red earmuffs in weather like this?
06:56It's a little old man who stopped me.
06:58A little old man stopped me today? What did he ask from you?
07:02He wanted me to sign a piece of paper.
07:04Did you sign the piece of paper?
07:05No.
07:05That's good. You can't write anyway. Now listen.
07:07As long as you hear, this is the instructions for the day.
07:11First of all,
07:12And secondly,
07:17How do you like that?
07:28They destroyed their own property.
07:30It was the same silent explosion that hit ours.
07:32I know that, 99.
07:34Anybody couldn't have heard that.
07:38And certainly,
07:39when you go to the statue,
07:41inside the statue's mouth,
07:42you find the cladet
07:43and the grector's to wound it.
07:46Got it?
07:48Hmm?
07:48You're stupid!
07:51You're sissy!
07:54Siegfried?
07:55What is it?
07:56Where's the statue?
07:58What do you mean,
07:59where is the statue?
08:01I was watching the statue
08:02and it exploded before my eyes.
08:04Oh, it exploded?
08:05Did you hear an explosion?
08:07No.
08:07How could something explode
08:08if you didn't hear an explosion?
08:10You're right, Siegfried.
08:12Then the statue's there, right?
08:13Of course.
08:14So,
08:15that's the statue.
08:18Siegfried.
08:19What?
08:20This is Maxwell Smart
08:21and Agent 99.
08:23They blew up our statue.
08:27Do you understand the instructions?
08:31Ja.
08:31First,
08:32we unskriegheich
08:33heidensjufvig unterseedent.
08:34Second,
08:35I'm underskrivet!
08:40Oh, Smart!
08:42You return to the scene of your crime
08:45to witness your own nefarious handiwork, eh?
08:48If I knew what you were talking about, Siegfried,
08:50I'd answer that.
08:51Come on, Smart!
08:52Do not play games with me.
08:53You personally blew up our statue!
08:56Admit it!
08:57I did not personally blow up your statue,
08:59but you personally blew up our statue!
09:02Admit that!
09:03Chaos had nothing to do with your explosion.
09:05You have my word on it.
09:06Max,
09:06would you take the word of a man
09:07who's a murderer,
09:08a thief,
09:09and a liar?
09:10Only if he were sincere.
09:11I'll take your word
09:14you didn't blow up our statue,
09:15and you'll take my word
09:16I didn't blow up your statue.
09:18All right, Siegfried,
09:19we believe each other.
09:21You did it, right?
09:22I did it!
09:23Oh, this is ridiculous.
09:26We're not getting anywhere.
09:27Now, supposing we believe each other.
09:29So what?
09:30Someone blew up those statues.
09:32Who was it,
09:33and why didn't the explosions
09:34make any noise?
09:35Wait a minute.
09:38Wait a minute.
09:39A funny little man
09:40came to my apartment this morning
09:42with some crazy idea
09:43about making the world
09:45a quieter place to live in.
09:46Wait another minute!
09:47This morning,
09:48a funny little man
09:49came to my apartment
09:50with some idea
09:51about making the world
09:51a quieter place to live in.
09:53Was he wearing red earmuffs?
09:55Yeah!
09:56I wonder if it was the same man.
10:00Max,
10:01there's a pigeon on your shoulder.
10:02Yes, 99.
10:03I know there's a pigeon on my...
10:05get him off!
10:08Max,
10:08there's a message on his leg.
10:14What does it say?
10:18Dear Chaos and Control,
10:20I have paid you both back
10:22for your refusal to help me.
10:24Now the entire world
10:25will be made to suffer.
10:27In six hours,
10:28every major capital city
10:29on the globe
10:29will be destroyed
10:30by use of my miraculous
10:32new explosive,
10:33nitro-whisperin.
10:38Signed,
10:39Albert,
10:40the P is silent
10:42fister.
10:44Max,
10:44this is horrible.
10:45He could blow up
10:45the entire world
10:46and no one would ever
10:47hear about it.
10:48That's not the worst
10:48of it, 99.
10:50If he blew up
10:51the entire world,
10:52there'd be nothing
10:53for Chaos and Control
10:54to fight over.
10:54We'd be out of a job.
10:55If that pigeon
11:02were only a parrot,
11:03he could tell us
11:04where he came from.
11:05Max,
11:05that's it.
11:06This is a trained bird.
11:07He's a homing pigeon.
11:08Why don't we just let him go
11:09and follow him home?
11:12You don't like my idea.
11:13I love your idea, 99,
11:15because it's my idea.
11:16You took it right out
11:16of my head.
11:17That's what comes
11:18from working with
11:18someone so long.
11:20What?
11:20I don't understand.
11:21How can we follow
11:22a bird in flight?
11:25How can you follow
11:27a bird in flight?
11:29You know something,
11:30Siegfried?
11:31For a Chaos Killer
11:32who's supposed
11:32to have some brains,
11:33you have absolutely
11:34no imagination whatsoever.
11:36How can you follow
11:37a bird in flight?
11:3999,
11:41how can you follow
11:41a bird in flight?
11:43You attach a homing device
11:44to the homing pigeon's leg,
11:46and then you home in on him,
11:47and then you follow him home.
11:49That's how you follow a bird.
11:50in flight.
11:52No, I need a homing device.
11:54Chaos is always prepared.
11:57I just happen to have
11:58one right here.
11:59Stugger!
12:04Yes, well, you'll find
12:05the control is also
12:06always prepared.
12:08I happen to have here
12:09my mini direction finder,
12:10which will home in
12:11on your homing device.
12:16All right, Schwarz.
12:17The homing device
12:18has been attached,
12:19and activated.
12:21Good work, Siegfried.
12:22Now all we have to do
12:24is to launch the bird,
12:25and then we can follow
12:26his every movement
12:27on my mini direction finder.
12:29Then hurry.
12:30We have only
12:3156 minutes left
12:32to save the world
12:33and our jobs.
12:35come on, let's go.
12:42He's getting away.
12:42Let's go.
13:12The world, the world is going to be destroyed in another 45 minutes.
13:38You stupid, this is no time to stop for traffic lights.
13:42Well, don't tell that to me. Tell it to the pigeon.
13:49Look, Max, he's flying into the park.
13:52We'll have to follow a fine-feathered friend on foot.
13:55Yes, well, I hope he decides to walk, too, or we'll never catch him. Come on.
13:59Max, here he is.
14:13How do you like this? 20 minutes till doomsday, and he stops to take a bath.
14:18I hope that he is not a she.
14:20What difference does it make, Schlager?
14:21I may be a killer, but I am not a peeping Tom.
14:26They're moving.
14:27Let me handle this, 99.
14:28All right, Bert, get out of there. Come on now, get out of there, Bert.
14:31I'll handle that schmutz.
14:33All right, Bert.
14:33Fly off!
14:38So you won't fly, eh?
14:41We have ways of making you fly.
14:45You have other relatives living in the park?
14:50Try to come on your homing device, Max.
14:52Right, 99.
14:55I can't.
14:56Why not?
14:57I shorted it out.
14:59All right, whoever you are, come out with your hands up.
15:17You're wasting your time, Max. There's no one here.
15:24Well, whoever it was, he left in a hurry.
15:26How can you be sure?
15:27Well, obviously, he knows the world is going to blow up in 10 minutes,
15:30and he was hurrying to get away.
15:33Then he couldn't have gone far.
15:35All right, everybody, spread out and search the promises.
15:38If you don't mind, Siegfried, I'm still giving the orders around here.
15:43All right, everybody, spread out and search the promises.
15:55Mr. Smart.
15:57Max, we're trapped.
16:01It's Feister.
16:02Uh, Pfister.
16:04Eggman.
16:05Not so loud, Mr. Smart.
16:07You were right the first time.
16:09Now then, gentlemen,
16:11if you'll just toss your guns onto that counter over there,
16:14I'll be very happy.
16:17Well, all right, Pfister, but it's going to make a heck of a noise.
16:19No, it will be silent as the grave.
16:24Your grave, Mr. Smart.
16:26That's fantastic.
16:36It didn't make any noise at all.
16:37That's right.
16:39You have just witnessed the first demonstration of my latest invention,
16:44sound-absorbing wood.
16:45My entire life has been a crusade against this continuous, noise-filled world.
16:50For example, I phonograph.
16:54Listen.
16:59I don't hear anything.
17:01Beautiful, isn't it?
17:02It's the only record in the world that plays three minutes of golden silence.
17:09Well, it certainly is a catchy little tune, Pfister.
17:12Could we hear the flip side?
17:13Unfortunately, there's no time, Mr. Smart.
17:16Soon, my nitro-whispering will write an end to this noise-filled world, I lobe.
17:27Well, I've got to give you a lot of credit, Pfister.
17:29A lot of people talk about hating the world, but nobody does anything about it.
17:35If it hadn't been for a fortunate accident,
17:37I wouldn't have been able to do anything about it.
17:40While I was working on my noiseless firecracker for the 4th of July,
17:44I stumbled on nitro-whispering.
17:48But enough of this.
17:50Your time has expired.
17:55Cuckoo.
17:57Cuckoo.
17:59Cuckoo.
18:01How do you like that?
18:02He invented a cuckoo with laryngitis.
18:06What you failed to hear, Mr. Smart,
18:09was the beginning of the end.
18:11Now then, if you'll all accompany me to the roof,
18:14you'll see the destruction of this planet
18:17with no more sound
18:20than the cooing of a dove.
18:24Well, Mr. Smart,
18:26what do you think of my, uh,
18:28my private air force?
18:31I think you have a vivid imagination, Mr. Pfister.
18:35They look like ordinary pigeons to me.
18:37Not ordinary.
18:39They're all homing pigeons, Mr. Smart.
18:42Brought from every city on Earth.
18:45And on each lake is a small vial of nitro-whispering.
18:49Max, this is terrible.
18:51Those birds are from some of the most important cities in the free world.
18:54Yes, and those birds are from some of the most important cities
18:57in the not-so-free world.
18:58At least he doesn't believe in playing favorites.
19:01I wouldn't dream of it, Mr. Siegfried.
19:03They'll soon be winging back to the place of their birth.
19:07And the impact will activate the nitro-whispering
19:10and eliminate every city
19:12in a great, big, glorious burst of silence.
19:15The ultimate weapon,
19:19kamikaze pigeons.
19:22And now it's time to send them on my silent flight to oblivion.
19:26And just in case you have any idea of interfering,
19:29I'd like to warn you,
19:31I'm a crack shot.
19:32Siegfried, we've got to stop him before he pulls those levers.
19:40But you heard him.
19:41He'll kill the first one who moves.
19:44Yes, but while he's doing that,
19:46the others can grab him.
19:47All right.
19:48After you move,
19:49I'll lead the attack.
19:51That's not exactly what I had in mind.
19:55Might as well stop shouting, gentlemen.
19:57Soon, the only sound you will hear
20:01will be my feathered fins
20:03singing the swan song to the world.
20:06Max, we've got to do something fast.
20:09Don't worry, 99.
20:10I'm way ahead of you.
20:11Say, Pfister,
20:12since this is the end of the world anyway,
20:13do you mind if I have a last cigarette?
20:16Don't worry.
20:17It won't make any noise.
20:18It's a filter.
20:27An ingenious device, Schmalt.
20:42What is it?
20:44The old, long, playing,
20:46high-frequency,
20:47ultrasonic,
20:49stereophonic,
20:50strike-the-match-against-the-sounding-board trick.
20:52Works every time, Siegfried.
20:54Looks like you and I
20:56have saved the world together.
20:58It just goes to show you, Siegfried,
21:00that enemies can sometimes be friends.
21:02True, Schmalt. True.
21:04Right, Starker?
21:05And now,
21:13I am going to destroy
21:14your half of the world alone.
21:18Max, he's going to release
21:19the free world pigeons.
21:20That's right, Cookie.
21:21And there's nothing you can do
21:23to stop me.
21:25Do you think he'd fall
21:25for the old, long, playing,
21:27high-frequency, stereophonic...
21:29No!
21:31Pray not, Max.
21:32Just one flick of my hand
21:35on chaos will have won
21:37its greatest victory.
21:39Just one flick of your hand
21:41and chaos will be out of business, Siegfried.
21:43You've got your hand
21:44on the wrong lever.
21:46Starker!
21:47Stand aside, Max.
21:58I've got him covered.
22:07You have lost once again, Schmalt.
22:09You see that bird I just released
22:11is headed
22:12for the Pentagon!
22:15Max, the Pentagon!
22:17It's doomed!
22:27So, Schmalt,
22:28you may have won the battle,
22:30but I won the war.
22:32He's right, Max.
22:34In a few seconds,
22:34that bird will be flying
22:35over the Pentagon
22:36and it'll be the end.
22:38Max, look!
22:41Did I hear you say
22:42that one of my birds
22:43went over the Pentagon?
22:45Yes.
22:46I'm afraid my archenemy
22:48and good friend Siegfried
22:49released it.
22:50No, he didn't.
22:51That bird is not flying
22:53over the Pentagon.
22:54That bird,
22:55labeled Pentagon,
22:57I'm afraid is headed
22:59for one of your
23:00two headquarters.
23:01Hmm.
23:02Oh, tell me.
23:04all the chaos.
23:11Yes, chaos.
23:14I asked you not
23:16to tell me that.
23:34they canalds on!
23:43Come here,
23:43I ask you not
23:44and tell me...
23:45start to settle
23:45to settle
23:46in the world
23:46in the world
23:47and your
23:47Unfortunately,
23:48nobody's going
23:48to leave
23:49for education!
23:51ません,
23:52none of your
23:53need slim
23:54or anything
23:55and tools
23:57must be
23:58possible to
23:59something
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