- hace 5 meses
Following the withdrawal of the Russians from the war, Blackadder is placed in charge of an entertainment show to boost the troops' morale and, if successful, will take the show to London. Unfortunately, Melchett has fallen in love with Blackadder's leading "lady", the fair Georgina (George in drag). After a date with Melchett, the General asks "Georgina" to marry him, and George, fearing punishment for disobeying a superior officer, accepts.
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00:00Fire, land, center!
00:02To dodge!
00:16Fire, strike!
00:26Fire, strike!
00:30Fire, strike!
00:40Fire, strike!
00:44You're a bit cheesed off, son.
00:46George, the day this war began, I was cheesed off.
00:49Within ten minutes of you turning up,
00:51I finished the cheese and moved on to the coffee and cigars.
00:55And at this late stage, I'm in a cab with two lady companions
00:58on my way to the pink pussycat in Lower Regency.
01:02Well, because if you are cheesed off, sir,
01:04you know what would cheer you up?
01:05And that's a Charlie Chaplin film.
01:07Oh, I love old chappers. Don't you, Cap?
01:10Unfortunately, no, I don't.
01:12I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck
01:15and then discovering there's a gas bill tied to it.
01:18Oh, big pun, sir, but come off!
01:22His films are ball-beltingly funny.
01:26Rubbish.
01:27Well, all right.
01:28Well, let's consult the men for a casting vote, shall we, Baldrick?
01:30Sir!
01:31Charlie Chaplin, Baldrick.
01:32What do you make of him?
01:33Oh, sir, he's as funny as a vegetable
01:35that's grown into a rude and amusing shape, sir.
01:39So you agree with me? Not at all funny.
01:42Oh, come on, Skipper. I played fair in that last film of his.
01:45When he kicked that fellow in the backside, I thought I'd die.
01:50Well, if that's your idea of comedy,
01:51we can provide our own without expending a halfpenny for the privilege.
01:56That's there. Do you find that funny?
01:58Oh, no, of course not, sir.
01:59But, you see, Chaplin is a genius.
02:02He certainly is a genius, George.
02:03He invented a way of getting paid a million dollars a year
02:05for wearing a pair of stupid trousers.
02:08Did you find that funny, Baldrick?
02:09What funny, sir?
02:13That funny.
02:14No, sir.
02:15And you mustn't do that to me, sir.
02:17Because that is a bourgeois act of repression, sir.
02:21What?
02:23And you smelt it, sir.
02:25There's something afoot in the wind.
02:28The huddled masses yearning to be free.
02:32Baldrick, have you been to the diesel oil again?
02:35No, sir.
02:36I've been supping the milk of freedom.
02:39Already our Russian comrades are poised on the brink of revolution.
02:43And here, too, sir, the huddled wasp names such as myself, sir, are ready to throw off the hated oppressors like you and the lieutenant.
02:52Present company accepted, sir.
02:54Go and clean out the latrines.
02:56Yes, sir.
02:57Right away, sir.
02:59You see, now the reason why Chaplin is so funny is because he's part of the great British music hall tradition.
03:05Oh, yes.
03:06The great British music hall tradition.
03:08Two men with incredibly unconvincing cockney accents going, what's up with you, then?
03:12What's up with me, then?
03:13Yeah, what's up with you, then?
03:14I'll tell you what's up with me.
03:15I'm right round off.
03:16That's what's up with me.
03:17Right round off.
03:18Get on with it!
03:19Now, sir, that was funny.
03:22You should go to the port yourself.
03:25Thank you, George.
03:26But if you don't mind, I'd rather have my tongue beaten wafer-thin by a steak tenderiser and then stapled to the floor with a croquet hoop.
03:34Sir!
03:35Sir!
03:36Sir!
03:37It's all over the trenches!
03:38Well, mop it up, then.
03:40No, sir.
03:41The news!
03:42The Russian Revolution have started!
03:44The masses have risen up and shot all their knobs!
03:48Oh, hurrah!
03:50Oh, no.
03:51The bloody Russians have pulled out of the war.
03:53Well, we soon saw them off, didn't we, sir?
03:55Miserable, slant-eyed, sausage-eating swine.
04:00The Russians are on our side.
04:01And they've abandoned the Eastern Front.
04:04And they've over-thrown Nicholas II, who used to be bizarre.
04:09Who used to be the Tsar, Borgia.
04:12The point is that now the Russians have made peace with the Kaiser.
04:16At this very moment, over three-quarters of a million Germans are leaving the Russian Front and coming over here
04:21with the express purpose of using my nipples for target practice.
04:25There's only one thing for it.
04:26I'm going to have to desert.
04:27And I'm going to do it right now.
04:29Are you leaving us, Blackadder?
04:31No, sir.
04:32Well, I'm relieved to hear it because I need you to help me shoot some deserters later on.
04:38There have been subversive mutterings amongst the men.
04:41You'll recall the French army last year at Verdun, where the top echelon suffered from horrendous uprisings from the bottom.
04:47Yes, sir.
04:49But surely that was traced to a shipment of garlic eclairs.
04:52Nonsense, Blackadder.
04:54It was bulshiness.
04:55Plain bulshiness.
04:56And now that the Ruskies have followed suit, I'm damned if I'm going to let the same thing happen here.
05:01Oh.
05:02And what are you going to do about it, sir?
05:04We're going to have a concert party to boost the men's morale.
05:07A concert party?
05:08Well, hurrah!
05:11You fancy an evening at a concert party, Blackadder?
05:14Well, frankly, sir, I'd rather spend an evening on top of a step ladder in no man's land, smoking endless cigarettes through a luminous balaclava.
05:21Yes, I didn't think it would be quite your cup of tea, but I do need someone to help me organise it, you know.
05:29Obviously not a tough, grizzled soldier like yourself, but some kind of damp-eyed Nancy boy who'd be prepared to spend the rest of the war in the London Palladium.
05:39The show is going to the London Palladium, sir?
05:42Oh, yes, of course.
05:44It's no good crushing a revolution over here only to get back home to Blighty and find that everybody's wearing overalls and breaking wind in the palaces of the mighty.
05:53Good point, sir.
05:54Now, the thing is, Blackadder, finding a man to organise a concert party is going to be damned difficult.
05:58So, I've come up with rather a cunning set of questions with which to test a candidate's suitability for the job.
06:03Oh.
06:04And what sort of questions would these be, sir?
06:06Well, the first question is, do you like Charlie Chaplin?
06:11Dismissed, Lieutenant.
06:14Do you like Charlie Chaplin?
06:15Yes, that is a good question for a candidate.
06:17To which my answer would, of course, be, yes, I love him.
06:20Love him, sir.
06:21Now, particularly the amusing kicks.
06:23That's funny, sir, because I thought you said...
06:24Goodbye, George.
06:27And the second question is, do you like Music Hall?
06:30Ah, yes.
06:32Another good question, sir.
06:33Again, my answer would have to be, yes, absolutely love it.
06:36Oops, Mr. Rothschild.
06:38How's your answer?
06:39Hmm.
06:41Well, you see, it's my view, Blackadder, that the kind of person who would answer yes to both of those questions would be ideal for the job.
06:48Wait a minute.
06:50What, sir?
06:52Why, without knowing it, Blackadder, you've inadvertently shown me that you could do the job.
07:00Have I, sir?
07:02Yes, sir.
07:03You have, sir.
07:04And I want you to start work straight away.
07:06A couple of shows over the weekend, and if all goes well, we'll start you off in London, er, next Monday.
07:12Oh, damn.
07:15If you need any help, er, fishing and carrying and backstage and so on, I'll lend you my driver, if you like.
07:21Bob!
07:25Driver Parkhurst reporting for duty, sir.
07:27All right, at ease, Bob. Stand easy.
07:29Captain Blackadder, this is Bob.
07:31Bob?
07:34Good morning, sir.
07:35Unusual name for a girl.
07:37Oh, yes, it would be an unusual name for a girl, but it's a perfectly straightforward name for a young chap like you, eh, Bob?
07:44Now, Bob, I want you to bunk up with Captain Blackadder for a couple of days, all right?
07:48Yes, sir.
07:49I think you'll find Bob's just the man for this job, Blackadder.
07:52He has a splendid sense of humour.
07:54He, sir?
07:55He?
07:56He?
07:57You see?
07:58You're laughing already.
07:59All right.
08:00Well, er, Bob, I'll leave you two together.
08:02Why don't you, er, get to know each other, play a game of cribbage, er, have a smoke, something like that.
08:06They tell me that Captain Blackadder has rather a good line in rough shag.
08:10Erm, I'm sure he'd be happy to fill your pipe.
08:14Carry on.
08:18Sir, you're a chap, are you, Bob?
08:20Oh, yes, sir.
08:25You wouldn't say you were a girl at all.
08:27Oh, definitely not, sir.
08:29I understand cricket.
08:30I fart in bed, everything.
08:33Well, let me put it another way, Bob.
08:35You are a girl.
08:36And you're a girl with as much talent for disguise as a giraffe in dark glasses trying to get into a polar bears-only golf club.
08:44Oh, sir, oh, sir, please don't give me away, sir.
08:47I just want you to be like my brothers and join up.
08:49I want to see how a war is fought so badly.
08:54Well, you've come to the right place, Bob.
08:56A war hasn't been fought this badly since Olaf the Hairy, high chief of all the Vikings, accidentally ordered 80,000 battle helmets with the horns on the inside.
09:05I want to do my bit for the boys, sir.
09:09Oh, really?
09:11I'll do anything, sir.
09:13Yes, I'd keep that to yourself if I was you, Bob.
09:15All right, Bob.
09:16All right, Bob.
09:17The second half starts with Corporal Smith and Johnson as the three silly twerps.
09:21All right, sir.
09:22The big joke being there's only two of them.
09:25I love that.
09:28That always cracks me up, sir.
09:30Followed by Balric's impersonation of Charlie Chaplin.
09:41Yes.
09:42Bob, take a telegram.
09:43Yes, sir.
09:44Mr. C. Chaplin, Senate Studios, Hollywood, California.
09:48Congrats, stop.
09:49Have discovered only person in a world less funny than you.
09:53Name, Balric, stop.
09:54Laws E. Blackadder, stop.
09:56Oh, and put a PS.
09:58Please, please, please, stop.
10:01And then after that, we have, ladies and gentlemen, the highlight of our show.
10:06Da-da!
10:07I feel fantastic.
10:17Gorgeous Georgina, the traditional soldier's drag act.
10:21You look absolutely lovely, sir.
10:24Balric, you are either lying, blind or mad.
10:28Lieutenant looks like all soldiers look on these occasions, about as feminine as W.G. Grace.
10:33What are you going to give him, George?
10:34Well, I thought one or two cheeky gags.
10:38Followed by she was only the ironmonger's daughter, but she knew a surprising amount about fish as well.
10:46Inspired.
10:47Well, at least you made an effort with the dress.
10:49What about your costume, Balric?
10:50I'm in it, sir.
10:52I see.
10:53So your Charlie Chaplin costume consists of that hat.
10:57Yes, sir.
10:58Except that in this box, I have a dead slug as a brilliant false moustache.
11:05Yes, certainly quite brilliant, I fear.
11:07How, for instance, are you to attach it to your face?
11:10Well, I was hoping to persuade the slug to cling on, sir.
11:14Balric, the slug is dead.
11:15If it failed to cling on to life, I see no reason why she wished to cling on to your upper lip.
11:22Balric, Balric, come on.
11:24Slugs are always a problem.
11:25What you've got to do is screw your face up like this, you see?
11:28And then you can clamp it between your top lip and your nose.
11:31Well, like this, sir.
11:32That's it, that's it, that's been...
11:35Sir, sir, there's a visitor to see you.
11:39Good Lord, Mr Chaplin.
11:42This is a deal and honour.
11:44Why, calls for some sort of celebration.
11:46Balric, Balric!
11:49Sir, that is extraordinary, because...
11:55Because, you see, this isn't Chaplin at all.
11:57This is Balric.
11:59He is!
12:00It's me, sir!
12:03I know, I know.
12:06I was, in fact, being sarcastic.
12:09Oh, I see.
12:11Everything goes above your head, doesn't it, George?
12:13You should go to Jamaica and become a limbo dancer.
12:21They love him, sir, we're a hit.
12:23Yes, in one short evening, I've become the most successful impresario
12:26since the manager of the Roman Coliseum thought of putting the Christians and the Lions on the same bill.
12:32Sir, some people seem to think that I was best.
12:36Would you agree?
12:37Balric, in the Amazonian rainforests, there are tribes of Indians as yet untouched by civilisation
12:41who have developed more convincing Charlie Chaplin impressions than yours.
12:45Oh, thank you very much, sir.
12:48He's coming off!
12:50What do you think, Bob? One more.
12:52God, I love the theatre!
12:53I love the theatre!
12:57It's in my blood and in my soul.
13:00Balric, put those in some water, will you?
13:01Yes, sir!
13:06I need that applause in the same way that an Osler needs his...
13:10Ossle!
13:12Well done, sir!
13:14No, really, I was...
13:16Well, I was hopeless.
13:17I mean, tell me honestly, sir, I was, wasn't I?
13:19Well...
13:20No, no, come on, sir, up with it, because I need to know, really, I was hopeless.
13:23No, well...
13:24No, you're trying to be nice, and that's very sweet of you, sir, but please, come on, I can take it, I was hopeless.
13:28George, you were bloody awful.
13:29But you can't argue with the box office. Personally, I thought you were the least convincing female impressionist since Tarzan went through Jane's handbag and ate her lipstick.
13:42But I'm clearly in a minority. Look out, London, here we come.
13:51Ah, Captain Darwin.
13:52Ah, Captain Blackadder.
13:54I must say, I had an absolutely splendid evening.
13:56Oh, glad you enjoyed the show.
13:58The show.
14:00No, I didn't go to the show.
14:02Important regimental business.
14:04A lorry load of paperclips arrive.
14:07Two lorry loads, actually.
14:10Ah, welcome to the great director.
14:14Maestro.
14:15You enjoyed it, sir?
14:17Well, it was mostly awful, but I enjoyed the slug balancer.
14:24Private Baldrick, sir.
14:25That's right, yes.
14:26The slug fell off a couple of times, but you can't have everything, can you?
14:31I'd just suggest a bit more practice and perhaps a little sparkly costume for the slug.
14:37I'll pass that on, sir.
14:39But I do have certain other reasons for believing the show to be nothing but a triumph.
14:43Captain Darling has your travel arrangements, a ticket to Dover, rooms at the Ritz and so forth.
14:49Oh, thank you, sir.
14:50However, there is one small thing you might do for me.
14:55Yes.
14:56Captain Blackadder, I should esteem it a signal honour if you would allow me to escort your leading lady to the regimental ball this evening.
15:06My leading lady?
15:08The fair Georgina.
15:10Ah, very amusing.
15:12Do you think she'll laugh in my face? I'm too old, too crusty?
15:14Er, no. No, it's just that as her director, I'm afraid I could not allow it.
15:21I could always find another director who would allow it.
15:24Quite.
15:26Well, I'll see what I can do, but I must insist that she be home by midnight and that there be no hanky-panky, sir, whatsoever.
15:32I shall, of course, respect your wishes, Blackadder. However, I don't think you need to be quite so protective. I'm sure she's a girl with a great deal more spunk than most women, you find.
15:42Oh, dear me.
15:44Absolutely not, sir. It's profoundly immoral and utterly wrong. I will not do it.
15:50We can always find another leading lady.
15:52Well, the dress will need a clean.
15:54Excellent.
15:56Now, the important thing is that Melchitz should, under no circumstances, realise that you're a man.
15:59Yes, yes, I understand that.
16:02In order to ensure this, there are three basic rules. One, you must never, I repeat, never remove your wig.
16:08All right.
16:10Second, never say anything. I will tell him at the beginning of the evening that you're saving your voice for the opening night in London.
16:16Excellent, sir. And what's the third?
16:18The third is most important. Don't get drunk and let him shag you on the veranda.
16:21How do I look, darling?
16:31Girl bait, sir. Pure bloody girl bait.
16:35Mustache, bushy enough?
16:37Like a privet head, sir.
16:38No. Good, because I want to catch a particularly beautiful creature in this bush tonight.
16:44I'm sure you'll be caming women out of your moustache for weeks, sir.
16:48God, it's a spankingly beautiful world. And tonight's my night. I know exactly what I'll say to her. Darling.
16:57Yes, sir.
17:00Um, I don't know, sir.
17:02Well, don't butt in. Sorry, sir.
17:04I want to make you happy, darling.
17:06Well, that's very kind of you, sir.
17:08Will you kindly stop interrupting?
17:10If you don't listen, how can you tell me what you think?
17:13I want to make you happy, darling. I want to build a nest for your ten tiny toes.
17:18I want to cover every inch of your gorgeous body in pepper and then sneeze all over you.
17:23Really, sir. I'm not protest.
17:26What is the matter with you, darling?
17:28Well, it's just all so sudden, sir.
17:31I mean, the nest bit's fine, but the pepper business is definitely out.
17:35How dare you tell me how I may or may not treat my beloved Georgina?
17:39Georgina?
17:41Yes. I'm working out what I want to say to her this evening.
17:44Oh, yes. Of course. Thank God.
17:47All right.
17:49Yes, sir. Listening, sir.
17:50Honestly, darling, you really are the most graceless, dim-witted bumpkin I ever met.
17:55I don't think you should say that to us.
17:57No!
18:01Where the hell's that, George?
18:02It's three o'clock in the morning.
18:03You should be careful wandering around the trench at night with nothing to protect his honour but a cricket box.
18:10Hello, Captain.
18:11About time. Where the hell have you been?
18:13Oh, I don't know. It's all been like a dream, my very first ball.
18:18The music, the dancing, the champagne. My mind is a mad world.
18:24Half-whispered conversations with the promise of indiscretion ever hanging in the air.
18:27Oh, did that old stoat Melcher try for a snog behind the fruit cup?
18:32Certainly not. The general behave like a perfect gentleman.
18:36We tie out the moon without talking about everything and nothing.
18:39The war, marriage, proposed changes to the LBW rule.
18:45Melcher doesn't marry, is he?
18:46No, no. All his life, he's been waiting to meet the perfect woman.
18:49And at last, tonight, he did.
18:52Well, some poor unfortunate had old walrus face dribbling in her ear all evening, did you?
18:57Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I did have to drape a napkin over my shoulder, yes.
19:03George, are you trying to tell me that you are the general's perfect woman?
19:08Well, yes, I rather think I am.
19:11Well, thank God the horny old blighter didn't ask you to marry him.
19:14You did?
19:19Well, how did you get out of that one?
19:22Well, to be honest, sir, I'm not absolutely certain that I did.
19:25What?
19:27Well, you can't understand what it was like, sir.
19:29You know, the candles, the music, the huge moustache.
19:33I don't know what came over me.
19:35You said yes?
19:37Oh, after all, sir, he is a general. I didn't really feel I could refuse.
19:40He might have had me court-martialed.
19:41Whereas, on the other hand, of course, he's going to give you the Victoria Cross when he lifts up your frock on the wedding night.
19:47And finds himself looking at the last turkey in the shop.
19:51Yes, I am.
19:52Yes, I am.
19:53I know it's a mess, sir, but you see, he got me squiffy and then when he looked into my eyes and said, Chipmunk, I love you.
20:00Chipmunk?
20:01Yes, but it's his special name for me, you see. He says my nose looks just like a chipmunk.
20:06Oh, God!
20:08We're in serious, serious trouble here.
20:10If the general ever finds out the gorgeous Georgina is in fact a strapping six-footer from the rough end of the trench,
20:16it could precipitate the fastest execution since someone said,
20:19This Guy Fawkes bloke, do we let him off or what?
20:27Hello?
20:28Yes, sir.
20:30Straight away, sir.
20:32That was your fiancée.
20:35Chipmunk.
20:37He wants to see me.
20:38If I should die, think only this of me.
20:42I'll be back to get you.
20:49Sir, I can explain everything.
20:51Can you, Blackadder?
20:53Can you?
20:55Well, no, sir, not really.
20:57I thought not. I thought not.
21:00Who can explain the mysteries of love?
21:03I'm in love with Georgina, Blackadder.
21:04I'm going to marry her on Saturday and I want you to be my best man.
21:10I don't think that would be a very good idea, sir.
21:13And why not?
21:15Because there's something wrong with your fiancée, sir.
21:18Oh, my God! She's not Welsh, is she?
21:22No, sir.
21:23It's a terrible story, but true.
21:25Just a few minutes ago, Georgina arrived unexpectedly in my trench.
21:29She was literally dancing with joy, as though something wonderful had happened to her.
21:33Makes sense.
21:34Unfortunately, she was in such a daze, she danced straight through the trench and out into no-man's land.
21:40I tried to stop her, but before I could say, don't tread on a mine, she trod on a mine.
21:47No!
21:48Well, I say a mine, it was more a cluster of mines.
21:50And she was blown into smithereens as she rocketed up into the air.
21:55She said something I couldn't quite catch, totally incomprehensible to me.
21:59Something like, tell him his little chipmunk will love him forever.
22:03I mean, I...
22:04No!
22:06How?
22:07How?
22:08How?
22:09How?
22:11Oh, it's heartbreaking, sir.
22:12I'm sorry, sir.
22:13Well, can't be helped, can't be helped.
22:16Well, it's jolly bad luck, sir.
22:18Hey-ho.
22:19Of course, on top of everything else, without your leading lady, you won't be able to put on the show.
22:24So no show, no London Palladium.
22:27On the contrary.
22:29I was simply intending to rename it.
22:31The Georgina Melchit Memorial Show.
22:34Oh, no! Georgina was the only thing that made the show come alive!
22:38Apart from her, it was all awful!
22:40Awful?
22:41Yes, you'll never find another girl like Georgina by tomorrow.
22:45Well, it's funny you should say that, sir, because I think I already have.
22:49Who is she?
22:50Who is she?
22:51So, come on, sir, who is she?
22:52Well, that's the problem, isn't it?
22:53Having a bloody clue.
22:55The only attractive woman around here is carved out of stone, called Venus,
23:00and is standing in a fountain in the middle of the town square with water coming out of her armpits.
23:05So, we're a bit stuck.
23:06Morning, chaps.
23:07Morning, Bob.
23:08You can say that again, George.
23:10We're in the stickiest situation since Sticky the Stick Insect got stuck on a sticky bun.
23:17We are in trouble.
23:20Not me longer, sir.
23:24May I present my cunning plan?
23:29Don't be ridiculous, Bowling. Can you sing? Can you dance?
23:32Or are you offering to be sawn in half?
23:34I don't think those things are important in a modern marriage, sir.
23:39I offer simple home cooking.
23:42Well, our plan is to find a new leading lady for our show.
23:46What is your plan?
23:47My plan is that I will marry General Melchett.
23:52I am the other woman.
23:55Well, congratulations, Bowling. I hope you'll be very happy.
23:59I will, sir.
24:00Because when I get back from honeymoon, I will be a member of the aristocracy,
24:04and you will have to call me me lady.
24:06What happened to your revolutionary principles, Bowling?
24:09I thought you hated the aristocracy.
24:11I'm working to bring down the system from within, sir.
24:14I'm a sort of a frozen horse.
24:17A Trojan horse.
24:19Anyway, I can't see what's so stupid about marrying into wealth and money
24:24and not having to sleep in a puddle.
24:26Bowling?
24:27No.
24:28It's the worst plan since Abraham Lincoln said,
24:31Oh, I'm sick of kicking around the house tonight.
24:33Let's go take in a show.
24:35For a start, General Melchett is in mourning for the woman of his dreams.
24:40He's unlikely to be in the mood to marry a two-legged badger wrapped in a curtain.
24:44Secondly, we are looking for a great entertainer.
24:47And you're the worst entertainer since St Paul the Evangelist toured Palestine with his trampoline act.
24:53Now we'll have to find somebody else.
24:56What about Corporal Cartwright, sir?
24:59Corporal Cartwright looks like an orangutan.
25:01I've heard of the bearded lady, but the all-over-body-hair lady frankly just isn't odd.
25:07Willis?
25:09Too short.
25:11Petheridge?
25:12Too old.
25:13Taplow?
25:14Too dead.
25:16Oh, this is hopeless.
25:18There just isn't anyone.
25:19Goodbye, goodbye, wipe the tear, baby dear, from your eye.
25:26What am I doing, Bob?
25:29Sir?
25:31Sir, what a brilliant idea!
25:33Bob!
25:34Can you think of anyone who could be our leading lady?
25:36What do you think, Bob, one more?
25:37No, George.
25:38Always leave them hungry.
25:39Congratulations, Bob.
25:40I have to admit, I thought you were bloody marvellous.
25:41Thank you, sir.
25:42Permission to slip into something more uncomfortable, sir?
25:43Permission granted.
25:44Permission granted.
25:45Oh, sir, it's gonna be wonderful.
25:46Not just for me, but for my little partner, Graham.
25:50Doing our Charlie Chaplin all round the world.
25:51Yes.
25:52From Shaftesbury Avenue to the Côte d'Azur, they'll be saying, I like the little black one, but
25:58who's that Berkey sitting on?
25:59I'm not with you, sir.
26:00Of course not.
26:01But don't worry, we'll have years in luxury hotels for me to explain.
26:02Now, you two get packing, get packing.
26:03The boat train leaves at six and we're gonna be on it.
26:06Black Adam.
26:07Ah, darling.
26:08Everything all right?
26:09Oh, yes.
26:10Got the tickets?
26:11Oh, yes.
26:12Oh, yes.
26:13Oh, yes.
26:14Oh, yes.
26:15Oh, yes.
26:16Oh, yes.
26:17Oh, yes.
26:18Oh, yes.
26:19Oh, yes.
26:20Oh, yes.
26:21Oh, yes.
26:22Oh, yes.
26:23Oh, yes.
26:24Oh, yes.
26:25Oh, yes.
26:26Oh, yes.
26:27Oh, yes.
26:28Oh, yes.
26:29Oh.
26:30Black Adam.
26:31Oh, hi, General.
26:32Enjoy the show.
26:33Don't be ridiculous.
26:34The worst evening I've ever spent in my life.
26:36I'm sorry?
26:37Will you stand still when I'm talking to you?
26:39If by a man's words shall he know him, then you are a steaming pile of horse manure.
26:44But surely, sir, the show was a triumph.
26:46A triumph?
26:47The three twerps were one twerp short.
26:50Again.
26:51The slug balancer seems now to be doing some feeble impression of Buster Keaton.
26:57And worst of all, the crowning turd in the water pipe.
27:02The revolting drag act at the end.
27:05The drag act?
27:06Yes.
27:07Poor Bob Parker is being made to look a total arse.
27:10The thin reedy voice and the stupid effeminate dancing.
27:14Ah.
27:15So the show's cancelled.
27:16Permanently.
27:17But what about the men's morale, sir, with the Russians out of the war and everything?
27:21Oh, for goodness sake, Blackhead, have you been living in a cave?
27:25The Americans joined the war yesterday.
27:27So how is that going to improve the men's morale, sir?
27:30Oh, because, you gibbering imbecile, they've brought with them the largest collection of Charlie Chaplin films in existence.
27:38I've lost patience with you. Fill him in, darling.
27:40Yes, sir.
27:41We received a telegram this morning from Mr Chaplin himself at Senate Studios.
27:47Twice nightly screening of my films in trenches. Excellent idea. Stop.
27:52But must insist E. Blackadder be projectionist. Stop.
27:56Oh, P.S. Don't let him ever stop.
28:00Oh, great. No hard feelings, eh, Blackadder?
28:05Not at all, darling.
28:07Uh, careful licorice also.
28:10Well, thank you.
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