- hace 2 días
Henry Tulip is coming. The Normans are invading (again), and the King, Richard the Third, prepares to lead his armies into battle at Bosworth.
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00:01History has known many great liars.
00:05Copernicus, Goebbels, St. Ralph the Liar.
00:10But there have been none quite so vile as the Tudor King, Henry VII.
00:15It was he who rewrote history to portray his predecessor, Richard III,
00:21as a deformed maniac who killed his nephews in the tower.
00:27But the real truth is that Richard was a kind and thoughtful man who cherished his young wards.
00:35In particular, Richard, Duke of York, who grew into a big, strong boy.
00:43Henry also claimed he won the Battle of Bosworth Field and killed Richard III.
00:48Again, the truth is very different,
00:51for it was Richard, Duke of York, who became king after Bosworth Field
00:55and reigned for 13 glorious years.
00:58As for who really killed Richard III
01:01and how the defeated Henry Tudor escaped with his life,
01:04all is revealed in this, the first chapter of a history never before told,
01:09the history of the Blackadder.
01:31The
02:14Silence! Silence of the King.
02:21Now is the summer of our sweet content, made o'ercast winter by these Tudor clouds.
02:29And I, that am not shaked for black-faced war, I, that am rudely cast and want true majesty,
02:43and forced to set sweet England free, I pray to heaven we farewell, and all who fight us
02:53go to hell.
02:56Hooray! Absolutely! Hooray!
03:02What's that?
03:05I know not, my lord. I'll ask my son.
03:08Harry! Who is that?
03:11It is your other son, my lord.
03:13It is my other son, my lord.
03:15Fight safe with us on the morrow.
03:19What's his name?
03:21Eggman.
03:23Edna! Fight you with us on the morrow!
03:26Oh!
03:27Oh, goodness, no.
03:29Now, I thought I'd fight with the enemy.
03:40You're not putting him anywhere near me, are you?
03:43No, no, no, uncle. He'll be somewhere amongst the raven.
03:45Oh, arrow fodder.
03:48Precisely.
03:48Yes.
03:51What a little bird.
03:55Percy, do you see how the king picks me out for special greeting?
04:00No, my lord.
04:01I saw it, my lord.
04:03Ah, and what is your name, little fellow?
04:06My name is Baldrick, my lord.
04:09Ah, then I shall call you Baldrick.
04:12I shall call you my lord, my lord.
04:16I like the cut of your jib, young fellow, me lad.
04:20How would you like to be my squire in the battle tomorrow?
04:24It will be a great day tomorrow for we nobles.
04:27Well, not if we lose, Percy.
04:29If we lose, I'll be chopped to pieces.
04:32My arms will end up in Essex, my torso in Norfolk,
04:35and my genitalia stuck up a tree somewhere in Rutland.
04:39What the hell, my lord, we cannot lose.
04:42Oh, well, we could if we wanted to.
04:46But we won't, Percy.
04:47And I shall prove to all that I am a man.
04:51But you are a man, my lord.
04:53But how shall it be proved, Percy?
04:56Well, they could look up that tree and write them.
05:00It shall be proved by mine enemies rushing to the water closet in terror.
05:05Hooray!
05:06Hooray!
05:06Come, a toast.
05:07Let all those who go to Don Armour tomorrow remember to go before they Don Armour tomorrow.
05:15Hooray!
05:17Already I can hear the sound of battle ringing in my ears.
05:23Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more.
05:30Consign their parts most private to a Rutland tree.
05:36Let blood, blood, blood be your motto.
05:42Slid their gizzards.
05:47Now, I'm afraid there's going to have to be a certain amount of violence.
05:53But at least we know it's all in a good cause, don't we?
06:01And gentlemen in London still abed shall think themselves accursed they were not here
06:08and hold their manhood cheap while others speak of those who fought with us
06:16on Ralph the Liar's Day.
06:39Edmund!
06:41Oh, Mother, what do you want?
06:44Did you want to go to the battle this morning?
06:51Oh, my God, it's 11 o'clock!
07:01What?
07:02What is it?
07:03Where is this battle end?
07:05Oh, somewhere called Bosworth Field!
07:16First decent battle since I've reached puberty!
07:21Here we are, my Lord!
07:24Onward, Balric, to glory!
07:37Yes, I'm not so sure when needed, you know, Balric.
07:43I mean, everything seems to be going very well, isn't it?
07:47Everyone's fighting.
07:50Clearly having the time of their lives.
07:54Right, some people over there aren't fighting.
07:57They're just lying down.
08:00They're dead, my Lord.
08:02Oh, damn.
08:05I knew I'd happen to something.
08:07Will you excuse me a moment for all of...
08:16Your Majesty!
08:17You've lost your steed!
08:19Tent mine!
08:20No, no, no, I've won the battle.
08:23I've saved the kingdom.
08:24I think I can find myself a horse.
08:26True, my noble Lord.
08:28I'll see you back at the castle.
08:30So be it!
08:31Hey!
08:33A horse!
08:37A horse!
08:39My kingdom!
08:40A horse!
08:42Ah!
08:44Horsie!
08:56T-shoo!
08:59T-shoo!
09:15you won't be doing that again
09:17now will you
09:21oh my god it's uncle richard
09:30what's up my lord
09:36oh dear richard the third
09:41I'm going to do
09:42yeah
09:43yeah
09:43yeah
09:46yeah
09:50yeah
10:19Come on, come on.
10:22Will you wait? Will you wait?
10:24Oh, well done.
10:31Where's the head?
10:33I can't be expected to carry everything.
10:41Percy, you brainless son of a prostitute.
10:44Where have you been?
10:46I've just proved that I'm a man.
10:49Look what I found.
10:51Oh, thank God.
10:52Quick, Percy, quick.
10:53Put it down and let's get out of here.
10:54No, no, no, I found it. It's mine.
10:56What do you mean? It's yours.
10:58I've got to use it to prove that I killed a nobleman.
11:01And which nobleman, pray?
11:07Well, it's the king, actually.
11:16Take it, quick.
11:19Lost. All is lost.
11:21What?
11:23Flee. Flee.
11:25Oh, my God, quick. Let's get out of here.
11:27Take me with you.
11:28Get your hands off.
11:30If you leave me alone here, I'll die.
11:33If you don't leave me alone, I'll kill you myself.
11:36Now, leave him here. Come on, Owen.
11:38I'll give you money.
11:41Ten thousand sovereigns!
11:51Mother!
11:52Edmund, dear. How did it go?
11:55Within seconds, Henry Tudor will be here at our gates.
11:59Oh, but, Edmund, I'm not ready.
12:00I haven't had a boss or anything.
12:02Mother Henry is our enemy.
12:05When his men get here, they'll brutally ravish you and every woman in the castle.
12:09Oh, well, I shan't bother to change, then.
12:13My lord!
12:14What do you want?
12:16Listen!
12:19Oh, my God.
12:21They're here already.
12:22Run for your lives.
12:24Run for the hills.
12:25No, my lord, they're coming from the hills.
12:28Sorry.
12:29Run away from the hills.
12:30Run away from the hills.
12:32If you see the hills, run the other way.
12:35No, my lord, it's all right.
12:36They're flying the banners of our King Richard.
12:38What's impossible?
12:39He's dead, isn't he?
12:41King Richard dead?
12:44Yes.
12:45Ah.
12:46God knows how.
12:49Oh, dear.
12:51That's really upset the tulip cart.
12:53Those flags, Percy, are obviously just a cunning trick to deceive us into staying.
12:57No, my lord, I don't think it is a cunning trick.
12:59Well, no, it's not a particularly cunning trick.
13:01We can be seen through it.
13:02But they obviously thought it was cunning when they thought it out.
13:04No, you're bothered.
13:05What do I mean, my lord?
13:05I don't think they did seem to be out.
13:07Why do you think someone else thought it out when they borrowed it for the occasion?
13:09No, my lord, I don't think it's a trick at all.
13:11You don't think it's widely up to the castle under somewhere else and banner is a trick?
13:14Well, no, I suppose it is.
13:16Ah!
13:20It's only your father.
13:22Hold on that bloody door!
13:25Richard, it's you.
13:27Well, who'd you expect it to be, woman?
13:29I thought it would be Henry Tulip.
13:32Henry Tulip?
13:34Have you lost your conkers?
13:36So you won?
13:37Yes, of course.
13:39We won.
13:40We won.
13:41Victory!
13:44So I suppose now you want to ravish me.
13:49Richard, in a moment.
13:51Woman's insatiable.
13:54Three cheers for good King Richard.
13:57Hop, hop.
13:58Huzzah!
13:59Hop, hop.
14:00Huzzah!
14:01Hop, hop.
14:01Huzzah!
14:03All we need now is good King Richard to be here, and the day shall be complete.
14:09Oh, yes.
14:11What a pity he's dead.
14:14What?
14:16Well, who told you that?
14:18Well, Edward.
14:21Is this true?
14:25Well, I wouldn't know, really.
14:27I was nowhere near him at the time.
14:30I just heard from someone that he'd, uh...
14:33I mean, I don't even know where he was killed.
14:36I was completely on the opposite side of the field.
14:38I was nowhere near the cottage.
14:41Not that it was a cottage.
14:43It was a river.
14:44But that I wouldn't know, of course.
14:46Because I wasn't there.
14:47But apparently some fool cut his head off.
14:50Or at least killed him in some way, but...
14:52Took an air off or something.
14:54Yes.
14:55Yes, in fact.
14:56I think he was only wounded.
14:58Ah.
14:59Or was that somebody else?
15:00Yes, I think it was.
15:02Well, he wasn't even wounded.
15:04Why did someone say he was dead?
15:05Yes!
15:06What?
15:07It's true, my lord.
15:08I stumbled on his body myself.
15:10Oh, pardon me, thou bleeding piece of earth.
15:15Oh, my sweet dear.
15:16That's enough of that.
15:18And life's amazing.
15:19Thank you, Harry.
15:20Thank you, Harry!
15:23Yes.
15:24And we all know who did this dreadful deed.
15:28Don't we?
15:32Yes.
15:34Henry Judah!
15:37Yes!
15:38And he still roams free.
15:41Harry!
15:43Call for silence!
15:45Silence!
15:50For the king!
15:59Long live King Richard IV!
16:04This day has been as t'were.
16:07A mighty stew.
16:09In which the beef of victory was mixed with a vile turnip of sweet Richard slain.
16:16And the grisly dumpling of his killer fled.
16:19But we must eat the yellow wobbly parts.
16:23Lord, sirs.
16:25In life, each man gets what he deserves.
16:33Well, come on.
16:34Let's go and kill some more prisoners.
16:36Hup, hup!
16:37Huzzah!
16:38Hup, hup!
16:39Huzzah!
16:40Hup, hup!
16:40Huzzah!
16:50Hooray!
16:51We're safe.
16:53And I am a prince of the realm.
16:56Hup, hup!
16:58Huzzah!
16:58Huzzah!
16:59Can you imagine the power?
17:02Huzzah!
17:03Yours!
17:03All ours!
17:05What?
17:05Yours!
17:06All yours!
17:08Huzzah!
17:08Ah, Edmund, there you are.
17:10Now, I know it's a little early, but I'd just like to get these battle averages sorted out.
17:16Now then, who did you kill today?
17:22No one.
17:23No one?
17:24Oh, dear.
17:25Right, I'll put you down for a duck, then.
17:27Which, I'm afraid, takes you out of the running for the Legion of Honor.
17:32Oh, I see.
17:33Sorry.
17:34Sorry, I thought you meant had I killed King Richard.
17:37What?
17:39What?
17:40What's the question?
17:42Who did you kill today?
17:45Oh, I see.
17:46Ah, right.
17:47Ah, let's see here.
17:49Um.
17:51Pedant.
17:52What?
17:54Pleasant.
17:56Pedant.
17:58Peas...
17:58Peasants.
17:59Peasants!
18:00Peasants!
18:01There are a lot of peasants.
18:02Ah, but they don't really count, do they?
18:05Only in the event of a tie.
18:07Nevertheless, how many did you kill?
18:08Oh, wow.
18:11Four.
18:11Four.
18:12Hand.
18:13Handrad.
18:14Four.
18:15Handrad.
18:16Hand.
18:18Four.
18:18Handrad.
18:19Hand.
18:21Fifty.
18:22Four hundred and fifty.
18:24Good Lord.
18:25Three times more than myself.
18:27Yes, well, I had a couple of lucky breaks.
18:29And any nobles?
18:31Ah, let me see, nobles.
18:33Um, I think Lord Coverdale.
18:36Who fought on our side, I believe.
18:38Uh, yes, I think Lord Coverdale saw me slaying, um, Warwick.
18:45Warwick the Wild of Leicester?
18:47Yes, that's him.
18:48I'm pretty wild he was, too.
18:50Took some finishing off, I can tell you.
18:51Yes, indeed.
18:52I killed him myself at one point.
18:54Anyone else?
18:56Um, um, let me see.
18:59Uh, he's trying to put names to faces.
19:02Yes, well, uh, this is the list of the lords as yet unaccounted for.
19:07Um, Roger de Runcie.
19:09Oh, de Runcie, yes.
19:09He was one of mine.
19:10Yes.
19:11Uh, Lord Thomas of Devon.
19:12Ah, yes, Backslash.
19:14Lord Yeovul.
19:15Ah, yes, Broinjob.
19:16Good.
19:17This is remarkable, Ed Nash.
19:20Remarkable.
19:20Oh, and the Bishop of Bath and Wells.
19:22Ah, yes, we'll never walk again.
19:25We'll conduct the Thanksgiving, sir.
19:28Oh, Bath and Wells.
19:32Ah, Lord Percy.
19:34Edmund tells me that you managed to turn up late for the battle,
19:38so there's not much point in asking you your score, is there?
19:45Ha-ha!
19:47Ha-ha!
19:48At last I can relax.
19:54Who the hell is this?
19:56Ha-ha!
19:57Well, you remember that dying man we saw in the cottage?
20:01The one I specifically told you not to bring back to the castle
20:04under any circumstances?
20:05Mm, yes, that's the one, yes.
20:07So what is he doing in my bed?
20:09Well, he claims to be a wealthy man.
20:12I thought if we nurse him back to health,
20:14he may reward us.
20:16No, wait.
20:17I think I have an idea.
20:19If he is a wealthy man,
20:22and we nurse him back to health,
20:24he may reward us.
20:27Oh, brilliant, my lord.
20:29Very good thinking.
20:31Thank you, Baldrick.
20:33Well, what would you expect?
20:35After all,
20:36who has the fastest brain in the land?
20:40Prince Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh.
20:42Who is the boldest horseman in the land?
20:45Prince Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh.
20:47Who is the bravest swordsman in the land?
20:51Oh, don't tell me that's that earl from Norfolk...
20:53Prince Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh.
20:56Precisely.
20:58Or,
20:58as I shall be known
21:00from now on,
21:03the black
21:05vegetable.
21:09My lord,
21:11wouldn't something like
21:12the black adder
21:13sound better?
21:14No.
21:15Wait.
21:17I think I have a better idea.
21:19What about
21:20the black
21:23adder?
21:30That one!
21:33That pair!
21:35That one!
21:40Ha-ha!
21:41Ha-ha-ha!
21:43All right.
21:48Ha-ha-ha!
21:53Ha-ha-ha!
21:55Very witty, my lord.
21:56Ha-ha!
21:57Thank you, Mordrick.
21:58Ha-ha-ha!
21:58Very, very, very witty, my lord.
22:00Ha-ha!
22:01Thank you, Bessie.
22:02You're certainly wittier
22:03than your father, my lord.
22:05Ha-ha-ha!
22:05Yes, sir.
22:06And head and shoulders
22:07over Richard the Third!
22:08Ha-ha-ha!
22:09Ha-ha-ha!
22:10It's supposed to be witty!
22:12Ha-ha-ha!
22:14No, my lord.
22:15Ha-ha-ha!
22:15That-that was
22:16an example
22:17of the sort of thing
22:18that you yourself
22:19would not scoop to.
22:21Ha-ha-ha!
22:22Go away!
22:23Yes, my lord.
22:27Ha-ha-ha!
22:42Now, you're still here, are you?
22:44Er, yes.
22:50Wait a minute. Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
22:55I don't know. I feel that I've seen you before also.
23:01Well, I am Prince Edmund, son of Richard IV.
23:06Why are you?
23:08Well, I'm not important.
23:10Not important? You mean you're not rich?
23:12Oh, yes. Yes, I'm incredibly rich.
23:15I'm a very wealthy, modest person who wishes to remain nameless.
23:22Well, you'd better be rich.
23:24Get your money together, get better and get out of my bed.
23:26Is that clear?
23:37Oh, yes. Very fetching.
23:45And hello to you.
23:49Hello. Hello.
23:52Goodness me, I hadn't expected to see you like this.
23:59Sitting down, you mean?
24:01Yes, that's right. Sitting down.
24:04My goodness, look. Look, you're sitting down.
24:07Yes.
24:07Good Lord, but I haven't seen you sitting down since, uh...
24:13Yesterday?
24:14Was it only yesterday?
24:15Good Lord.
24:17Um, well, how was your battle?
24:23Fine.
24:23Somebody cut my head off at one point, but otherwise everything went swimmingly.
24:27How are you, Edna?
24:29Edmund.
24:30Oh, your father told me.
24:31Edna.
24:32No, no.
24:33So, Edna, you loathsome little fairy maggot.
24:36How are you?
24:38Uh, oh, how...
24:39How very, very kind of you to ask, um, your majesty.
24:42I'm very well.
24:43And, uh, and it's very good to see you.
24:46Well, because, frankly...
24:49Yes?
24:49Well, well, well, frankly, uh...
24:53Gosh, you look well.
24:55Frankly what? Spit it out, you horrid little scabby reptile.
25:00Uh, well, frankly, everyone thought you were dead.
25:05Well, frankly, I am.
25:11Do come in.
25:13No, don't come in!
25:15Why not?
25:16Have you got someone in there with you?
25:18Um, not as such.
25:22Is it a woman?
25:23No.
25:24Is it a man?
25:26Um, yes.
25:32Yes, it is.
25:34You hesitated, Edmund.
25:36It's not a sheep, is it?
25:38It is not a sheep.
25:41Well, then, let me in.
25:43So, farewell, Edna.
25:45You'll be seeing me later.
25:50Um, have, uh...
25:53Have you got transport?
25:56Um, perhaps you'd like to borrow my horse again?
25:59Oh, or at all.
26:00I mean, not that you've borrowed it before.
26:04Coming!
26:11Are you all right, Edmund?
26:14Oh, you look as if you've just seen a ghost.
26:17He is?
26:18Hurry up anyway.
26:19You're expected at the banquet.
26:21Um, look, um, brother, uh, you won't tell anyone about my oversleeping this morning and, and what have you.
26:29Now, will you?
26:30Now, would I, Edmund?
26:32Do I tell people that your brother Harry is scared of spoons?
26:35Or that your father has very small private parts?
26:41Oh, mother!
26:43Meh.
26:45Meh.
26:46Oh, Edmund.
26:50It's the lying I find so hurtful.
26:54Meh.
27:04You're slitting right out of here, boy, Chedda.
27:07So sorry I'm beaten.
27:10Hold!
27:11You dare sit there, boy?
27:13That was King Richard's seat.
27:15Would you insult his ghost?
27:18Um, no.
27:20No, sorry.
27:22Yes, find your own chair, you smelly little dog's pizzle.
27:27Yeah!
27:34How many prisoners have you got, Harry?
27:36I'm not Harry.
27:38I'm Richard.
27:39Send a brace to my room, will you?
27:41Very well.
27:42Do you want them, Harry?
27:42No, fresh ones.
27:43I want to practice my backhand.
27:45Is anybody there?
27:45Oh, I don't think you need to.
27:47Where you've slaughtered Lord Stanley.
27:51Oh, I wish Uncle Dickie was here.
27:54Don't dickie me, ducky.
28:02Tonight, honoured friends, we are gathered to celebrate a great victory.
28:07And to mourn a great loss.
28:11A toast to our triumph, our triumph.
28:16And I raise our royal cast upon the man who slew Richard, our noble king.
28:23It was him.
28:26Oh, my God!
28:27Quiet at the end there.
28:29Whoever it was.
28:30It was him, Edna.
28:32Wherever he be.
28:33He's down there at the end.
28:35He shall be struck down.
28:36Well, then get on with it, you stupid oaf.
28:38He's there.
28:39It wasn't me.
28:40Who said that?
28:41The English will kill me this afternoon.
28:44I didn't.
28:44Well, then, who did?
28:45It was actually Edmund who interrupted, sire.
28:48Hang the little slug.
28:50I will have silence.
28:55Another toast.
28:56To dead King Richard.
28:59Oh, my God.
29:03Thank you, sir.
29:05Thank you all.
29:06Thank you very much for nothing.
29:09Thank you so much.
29:10That's the last you'll be seeing of me.
29:13Not that you've seen much of me in any case.
29:18Now that we have silence, we shall continue with the ceremony of desecration.
29:24Produce the portrait of the pretender, Henry Tudor.
29:36Oh, my God!
29:49Good evening.
29:51Oh, where's Henry Tudor?
29:58Where is he?
30:00Where is he?
30:01Where is he?
30:03Where is he?
31:08Why have you lured me here, you loathsome drabs?
31:12We bear good news.
31:14What news could such repulsive harbingers convey?
31:18Today has brought me fortune.
31:21But one day...
31:23Oh, glorious day!
31:25One day...
31:27Oh, happy day!
31:32Yes?
31:33You shall be came!
31:38Really?
31:39Yes!
31:41Your majesty!
31:44Well, that is good news, isn't it?
31:47God be with you, you...
31:49Snaggle-toothed vultures?
31:52History!
31:53Here I come!
31:56The sound of your feet cross the glade
32:00Good folk lock up your son and daughter
32:04Beware the deadly flashing blade
32:07Unless you want to end up shorter
32:12Black adder
32:14Black adder
32:16He rides a pitch-black steed
32:19Black adder
32:22Black adder
32:24He is very bad indeed
32:28Black, his glove's our finest mole
32:31Black, his codpiece made of metal
32:36His horse is blacker than a wool
32:39His pot is blacker than his cattle
32:44Black adder
32:46Black adder
32:48With many a cunning plan
32:52Black adder
32:54Black adder
32:56You horrid little man
33:01He wasn't as I expected him
33:04I thought he was very rude
33:06I thought Henry Tudor would be better looking
33:10Yes, not so Jewish
33:13More like that man who rode by just before
33:17Oh, oh
33:18Oh, oh
33:19Oh, silly wicked
33:23Oh, silly wicked
33:29I thought...
33:29Oh, nice
33:29You spoiled my jean
33:29You're very nice
33:29How's it going?
33:29Hi, guys
33:29Go
33:30Say
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