00:00It was a carnival weekend and I saw you leaving and I remember thinking wow that
00:05guy has a funky hairstyle and that was it that was it. What a hairstyle did I have?
00:10A funky one. I mean look at your hair now. Hello.
00:18I'm Stephanie. I'm 30 years old. I'm Darryl. I'm 30, what am I? 39 now. So how did we meet?
00:26I think when I saw you it was when we were in Barbados. We were on the road for Kadu
00:32Mint Day and I looked good. I looked great and I just remember hearing yo Steph and so I turned
00:42around and I saw you there and I was like oh hi. You said do you mind if I come
00:49with you guys and I was like oh he really likes me and you came and you spent the rest
00:55of the day with me.
00:56And we had dinner by the ocean side.
01:00I would consider the date that we had was an official date but it was a date nevertheless in Barbados
01:06on the beach when we had dinner.
01:07It was a remarkable date. I remember you sharing a lot with me about your past relationships and about some
01:15of the things that you had been through in your life and I found you to be incredibly open and
01:20incredibly vulnerable and deep and it was just a very picturesque setting.
01:26I had a really good time but what was more impressive was that I had a really good conversation with
01:31you. How would you say we work on our relationship?
01:35I think now we've kind of built an understanding to the point where we know we have to always communicate
01:41about any and everything like just be open. Getting to a place where we are now it had to have
01:47taken time for both of us to realize and adjust and know that this is something we want and we
01:53have to work for.
01:53The other thing I think that you and I did together which was very different than anything that I've done
02:00is establish a lot of very rigid boundaries around our relationship.
02:04So when we decided that we weren't going to have any contact with people who we had been with in
02:11the past, at first I was very hesitant to that because I've never been in a relationship with such rigid
02:17boundaries.
02:18Guyanese people have a saying, old fire catch easy. I think if we had left the door open for some
02:24of those things maybe we would have gotten in an argument and made a phone call or sent a text
02:29message that could possibly be detrimental for us.
02:33So I think us building a fortress around our relationship helped a lot.
02:39What's your love language, my dear?
02:41My love language is gifts.
02:43Number one, yeah, of course.
02:45The other day you brought me home a four piece nugget happy meal and I was ecstatic.
02:50What did I bring home with that nugget meal?
02:51Okay, you also brought a bouquet of roses and a card.
02:55A card. A card. Yes. So that was great.
02:58But I also really enjoy words of affirmation.
03:02And then I think my third was physical touch.
03:05And I think for you it's the opposite. Like your first is physical touch.
03:12My pet peeve is the noise that you make when you go into the bathroom in the morning.
03:20It's like...
03:20What?
03:22He's conjuring up spirits from the depths of his belly, from his soul.
03:27No.
03:28Really, baby?
03:28You don't know what it's like for me.
03:32I'm laying in my bed innocently and there's this creature in the bathroom...
03:38Creature, well...
03:38...having an exorcism.
03:40And it does not sit...
03:42That's how I have to start my day.
03:44Anyway, what few things do I do that annoy you?
03:48Mmm, pet peeve of mine, Stephanie.
03:50Look how hard it is to even think about it.
03:53You're here in the shower.
03:56Well, you've cut your hair since so it's not as bad as it used to be.
04:00But, man, your hair be everywhere.
04:03The hair is absolutely nonsense because I have clumps of your hair that I literally sit and collect.
04:08And I think, I wonder how long it's going to take for him to throw this away.
04:12And I know it's your hair because look what color it is.
04:14You know what?
04:15You think there's any mistaking that it's mine?
04:16And I don't even have enough hairs.
04:18Like, I don't have the same amount of hair.
04:20Where do you find those hairs?
04:20You find those hairs in the shower?
04:21Right, in a corner.
04:22And once you put your product in your hair in the sink in the bathroom.
04:25No, you do not.
04:26But your hair is to drain.
04:28Daryl!
04:28Oh.
04:28Clogging up the drain.
04:30I refuse to believe that.
04:32I refuse.
04:34So what led to us moving in together?
04:39I already have my answer.
04:41Let's hear your answer.
04:42Okay, so you wanted to move in with me like two days after we started dating.
04:47You were pushing for it.
04:49And I was like, ew, slow down.
04:51Stop moving so fast.
04:52It was a logistics thing, right?
04:55Like, it made sense financially.
04:58It was an easy decision to make.
05:00I think we wanted the kids also to understand
05:03the direction of this relationship.
05:06And I think us moving in together
05:08really solidifies that for them.
05:10You know, we would have moved in together
05:13if we didn't have such difficulty finding a home to rent back
05:17during the pandemic, early days of...
05:20We experienced a lot of racism.
05:21You know?
05:22Everything comes at its time.
05:23Everything happens in its own time.
05:26And I think it was just a matter of time
05:28and us getting to the place
05:30where we needed to get to in the relationship
05:32before we then decide to take this step.
05:34So I think it all worked out.
05:37When things get rough in those moments,
05:41you know, when things get a little shaky,
05:44why do you feel like you need to stay in this relationship?
05:48I don't feel like I need to stay.
05:50I feel like I want to.
05:51I feel like you want to.
05:53I feel like I want to.
05:54I feel like...
05:58I just, I love you a lot.
06:01We've worked so hard to get here.
06:03Like, why would we throw that away?
06:07Don't get me wrong.
06:08Like, dude, you drive me nuts.
06:10You drive me crazy.
06:11If my hair was any longer,
06:14I would pull it out.
06:17But the fact that I can still sit and say
06:20with absolute certainty that, like, I love you,
06:24like, you're my partner, you're my man.
06:26I couldn't walk away from that.
06:30I don't feel like that.
06:31This is just home for me.
06:34So I'm not going anywhere.
06:37Now tell me why you haven't walked away.
06:41You've always said, you know, from the beginning,
06:44you were scared of me, like, just walking away from this
06:46because, you know, I was the one who walked away from a marriage,
06:52who ended a marriage.
06:53Like, if he's going to end a marriage, what is he going to,
06:55why is he going to stick around with you?
06:56That's why I will always be here.
06:58And even though in those moments,
07:00when times get rough and things get hard,
07:04I'm committed to you and I'm committed to us.
07:07I don't want to let you down.
07:09And bottom line, I don't want to let myself down.
07:12That's why I'm always going to be here, you know,
07:15when times get hard, in those difficult moments.
07:20How does it feel loving a black man?
07:23I don't know that I would have it any other way.
07:25There's so much that unites us.
07:30I love you for your blackness, for everything that you are.
07:36I think of the things that you've been through.
07:38I think of the experiences that you've had.
07:40I think of the experiences that we've had,
07:42trying to apply for a place to live
07:46and still not being held in high enough regard
07:51to be worthy of being tenants.
07:54And that never, ever affected who we were in this relationship.
08:00But I think that because we face some of the different adversities of being black,
08:07and I say some because I'm a light-skinned woman, I'm biracial.
08:11So I'm not going to pretend like I am experiencing the same things as a dark-skinned black woman.
08:21But I think that a lot of what we've been through, because of our blackness,
08:25I think that we've been through, because of our blackness has made us stronger,
08:27and has made me fall into a deeper love with you than I could have ever imagined with anybody else.
08:34What does it feel like for you to love a black woman?
08:38For me, loving a black woman is loving someone who is strong,
08:43and that's one of the things I love about you,
08:46is your ambition and your drive and your determination.
08:50It's something that is appealing to me about a black woman.
08:57You know what you want, you know your worth, you know what you deserve.
09:02You are deserving, and I'm going to make sure that you always remember,
09:07I'm going to love you as a black woman, because you are a black woman.
09:12And, you know, I empathize with you, because it's tough, you know, being in a space,
09:17where you feel like you're not visible, you know.
09:19But I'm here to tell you that I see you, baby, you know, and I love you.
09:24And that's what it's like to love a black woman, and that's why I would always love a black woman,
09:28because that's all that I know.
09:41I love you.
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