00:00I support the LGBTQ community as an ally and then to like sit with yourself and
00:04say do I believe I still have a place in heaven right because I love you right
00:21I know my version of the story of how we met which is that there are not many black women
00:27at Yale
00:27it was one of the first days after the parents had dropped off freshmen I didn't know anyone I was
00:34looking for anyone to click on to pretty much and I saw you walking in the distance I was like
00:40another black girl let me go make friends the way I tell it is that you had decided that I
00:46was your
00:47girlfriend and you started telling everybody oh this is my girlfriend Mariah and I was like you
00:53can't tell people that because they're gonna believe you and we're just friends and what
00:57went from you sort of jokingly claiming me as your girlfriend us getting closer senior year
01:03went to us not being able to stop talking we were on the phone constantly after we graduated I think
01:09that's when we realized oh this is something different than just friendship it did start as
01:13like a joke it was just like oh this is my best friend and I'm always spending time with her
01:17so
01:17I'm joking that she's my girlfriend and at that time I still thought I was straight but then I
01:21think it was just the time that we were spending one-on-one was getting more intimate and I was
01:26like I think I would enjoy this but also you already knew you were taking a job in Boston I
01:32already knew I was taking a job in Singapore yeah so even when I knew I was like wait I
01:37think I'm more
01:38serious than I'm letting on it still was like but are we really serious enough to be long distance
01:45I was always sort of on the fence about starting a long-distance relationship I don't know I thought
01:52the Capricorn in me was just like I have a rule my rule is no long no long distance relationships
01:56and
01:58yeah this is somebody who's worth making an exception you know then it became okay well if we are going
02:05to be serious about it and we are going to be long distance how do we make it work I
02:09feel like we had it
02:09down to a system though because the time difference was like 12 hours we had our set times it was
02:14like
02:15these are the only times that work for us to talk to each other if something would change in my
02:18schedule I wouldn't always remember to let you know that like I'm gonna be late or I can't talk
02:24today or whatever the case may be and so we were like working out our like communication skills for
02:29sure definitely imagine if we had moved in together right from Singapore and Boston and I had never
02:34like lived with a significant other before you had never lived with a significant other before so it was
02:39just like let's just take this slow there's way fewer cons to taking it slow and just seeing how
02:44it goes so we talked a lot about like you know what were our goals for this what did we
02:50what did
02:51we want to get out of it I did talk to a few of my friends I was not sure
02:54if I wanted to cross that line
02:56because I had dated a friend before in the past and it didn't work out so it's like you know
03:00I really
03:00value this friendship is it worth exploring I did go to them for that they basically were just like screw
03:05it
03:06like if you like her and this is your best friend you only live once and and go for it
03:11now we're married so I I really did believe that I was gonna proceed first because I I felt like
03:21I
03:22had pursued you first in the beginning so it just felt like a natural extension type thing but she
03:26proposed first and we've been talking about it for years like oh we're we're getting married we're
03:31getting married think you had told me that story about moonstone so like both of us have moonstone
03:36and you'd said you know at some point during our friendship actually I don't even think it was
03:40while we were dating that if you give someone moonstone on the night of a full moon it's supposed to
03:45you know symbolize eternal love so then once we went to go look at rings that was maybe October
03:542019 come January I had gone to go get your custom ring made I had all these plans it was
04:02gonna be
04:02perfect it was gonna be so perfect and then the pandemic what role does Christianity play in our
04:14relationship oh Christianity okay I'm gonna start I say a lot I am the child and grandchild of pastors
04:23Christianity is everywhere in my life and growing up the version of Christianity that I had been taught
04:29was a much more socially conservative one I was even getting a more progressive version of the church
04:35than even my parents got I remember the first time my mom wore a pair of pants she had three
04:39kids before
04:40she ever wore pants she had been wearing skirts and dresses all her life because she had been told
04:45by the church that that is what women do and to wear pants is a sin a church that in
04:49some ways is like
04:50rooted in shame and that there's some practices like silencing and so from the very beginning of
04:55our relationship I knew this was going to change everything in my family yeah and also in my relationship
05:00with God too and so I didn't tell my parents we were dating until six months in because once I
05:07tell them
05:07there is no going back and I told you this too I literally was like if you want to break
05:12up with me you should
05:13do it now because the moment I tell my parents we are together you are stuck with me we're not
05:20breaking up
05:21yeah and it was because I knew I was like it's just going to change the fabric of everything
05:25when I told them it definitely brought up a lot of questions about my parents faith and the responsibility
05:31they felt as pastors to the community that they preside over I told them over the phone because
05:37I had chickened out from telling them in person and I really regret that because I I do think it
05:40was a
05:41conversation I wanted to have in person but my mom tried so hard to give me initial support the moment
05:47I told her she was just like I love you and I wouldn't like this doesn't change my love for
05:51you
05:51right and then she hung up the phone and sent me a hundred bible verses about um what the bible
05:57says
05:57about being queer and so that was where we had to work from but the second thing was christmas which
06:03was oh yeah we had gotten to a place in our relationship where we were finally doing like
06:06the holidays together and trading off and so I asked my grandparents for permission to for you to come
06:11over because christmas is held at their home and they said they didn't feel comfortable with that
06:15and I am not someone I think this surprises people because in my activism I'm very loud and like
06:22like yeah I'm demanding this and f that and da da da but in my family I am like I
06:27don't ruffle
06:28feathers so I was really surprised that they said that and I didn't know how I was going to respond
06:31to it and so we didn't go to christmas with them I dropped my gifts off we spent christmas with
06:36my
06:36best friend nick and it was really sad that definitely affected me when I realized like oh they really
06:42mean that like this is really going to require me to potentially lose some relationships yeah to
06:47prioritize you like a couple days after christmas my grandfather said he was in the shower and that
06:53he heard god speaking to him and saying like you did her wrong you shouldn't have done that that's
06:57not god's love and so he called my mother and I think my mother too even before he called her
07:03just
07:04felt like I should have left with you I never should have let them say you couldn't come and I
07:08can't
07:08believe I let you spend christmas without family you've never had to do that yeah and so from then
07:14it was like okay yes you know we're making progress yeah we're making progress I had less
07:18of a hurdle with my own family my parents aren't pastors my grandparents aren't pastors so we had
07:23different you know experiences with family because of religion but I think our journeys for our own
07:29you know our own faith are very similar yeah definitely very similar and then you know we got
07:35married in august and we wanted to make sure that you know our grandparents could come and they could be
07:40safe luckily by that point the vaccines had come out and you know us having the wedding outdoors on
07:46family land made that all the more special for you as at being part of your grandfather's land and
07:51bring together our families and friends who for a whole year year and a half by that point had not
07:59really been out the house that much we should get married again we just got married last month
08:04who cares it kind of makes me feel whole like you know saying my wife i still to this day
08:09i'm like
08:09always smiling just like oh my gosh i have i have i'm somebody's wife my strength i would say is
08:16my
08:17communication style truly because i do think i go into every conversation really focused on the outcome
08:23that i wanted to have my strength i would say is is in listening i don't know my natural state
08:29is to
08:29you i just like to listen to people and people watch making people feel like they're being heard
08:34we are two very different people who are aligned on certain core values that are uncompromisable and
08:40are non-negotiable for us we talk through a lot of stuff as much as like you know my introvert
08:45self is like i don't really want to talk through everything and i'm literally like i want to talk
08:49through everything right i think we're really good at knowing what's a fight that's like no i really
08:55want to stand by this like i really believe this thing and or i really want it to happen this
08:59way
08:59and what's like not worth the fight and it's just better to compromise on yeah and i think compromise
09:05has like just generally has an at least for me has a negative connotation whereas i feel like for us
09:10it's less so compromise and more creating our own solution and that's something that you know from
09:15the very beginning was something that i helped me made me fall in love with you i'm a good talker
09:21because
09:21i talk all the time yeah but you're you're good at talking when you have a lot of emotions
09:26i will say i feel really blessed and lucky to have gone through the pandemic with you
09:33it absolutely brought me closer to you and i think some couples came out of the pandemic feeling like
09:38oh that was a little too much time to stress like when you had to start going back to classes
09:42in person
09:43it was like what how dare they thank you for me yeah
09:48our dream future for sure is in a house with four plus kids and just like living that life
09:56we we talk about this all the time we gotta get a house we gotta fill that house with kids
10:00we gotta
10:01get a dog you know starting the process of of having children because with us it is a process
10:07those two things are what i'm most excited about for our future exactly and i'm gonna be the same
10:16we keep going back and forth i'm consistent if you're not if you're not pushing them out then
10:22you don't get to stay at home i mean i've always wanted children i've never been attached to the
10:27idea that i need to be pregnant though and so now i'm like wait i got options i don't have
10:32to give up
10:32sushi and wine and stuff it's just nine months just nine months no i'm joking it's not that bad
10:40well you know and then you get a compromise and then you get a baby at the end i do
10:44want the baby
10:44at the end but why not out of your end oh how does it feel to love a black woman
10:51it is my favorite
10:52thing to do for me i feel very seen in a way that i don't necessarily think that anyone with
10:59any amount
11:00of love for me who is not also a black woman could feel for me or make me feel like
11:04about myself i'm
11:06so you know happy and also just low-key impressed like i don't know how how i pulled you and
11:11how you
11:11pulled me you know what i'm saying like how did we end up here but i'm so happy that we
11:15are here
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