The Bernie Mac Show is a beloved comedy series that showcases Bernie Mac’s unique humor, sharp wit, and unforgettable storytelling 😂🔥 When Bernie and his wife take in his sister’s three children, everyday family life turns into hilarious chaos. Packed with heart, laughs, and life lessons, this sitcom remains a fan favorite and a television classic.
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#berniemacshow #berniemac #sitcom #comedy #classiccomedy #comedygold #familycomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #tvclassics #cultclassic #comedymoments #throwbacktv #2000stv #entertainment #retroshows #iconicshows #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #nostalgia #television #comedyshow #legendarycomedy #dailymotion #mustwatchtv #classicseries #laughoutloud #familysitcom #tvlegend
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FunTranscript
00:00Who are you with?
00:21Hey baby, getting ready to run the Hoonan Chan. Want something special?
00:25Ooh, Hoonan Chan.
00:27Oh, but the kids want rivers.
00:28Oh, people in hell want ice water.
00:30Don't be like that.
00:32America, you listening to this? The kids won't.
00:36See, sometimes Wanda forgets who's in the driver's seat around here.
00:39Women do that.
00:40But as far as I'm concerned, they're going to want what I give them.
00:43Y'all need to understand your place.
00:49Hey, sweetheart, look.
00:51Roberta's mom must have got some work done. She look young.
00:53That's not Roberta's mom. That's Roberta.
00:55No. Driving? She don't let me drive. She must be crazy.
01:02Roberta has her learner's permit.
01:08When did she get her today?
01:12Yeah.
01:13All right.
01:14Hoonan Chan.
01:16We hate Chan.
01:17No, you don't. You love it. Now, shut up, sit down, let's eat.
01:19Why do we always get the stuff you like?
01:22Because it's my house and my rules. And rule number one is shut up, sit down, let's eat.
01:27Man, those noodles smell like Uncle Bernie's feet.
01:30Well, look, don't worry, because when I get my learner's permit, I get the stuff we like.
01:34When?
01:36Nessa, I'll decide if you get your learner's permit, okay?
01:39But I'm already taking driver's ed, so actually Mr. Henderson decides.
01:43If Mr. Henderson is teaching Roberta how to drive, I'm officially taking you out that class as of right now.
01:49Now, shut up, sit down, and let's eat.
01:51Pass me the dumplings and the chopsticks.
01:57I don't care if she powers. Let her go ahead.
01:59She needs to know who's in charge around here, especially when they get to be teenagers.
02:04That's when you got to knock them down a couple of times.
02:07You get to be too snotty for me.
02:08But I'm going to tell you something, Bernie Mac knows what he's doing.
02:12I'm the man, so they want to wear the slats.
02:15You know, they want to have the belt and everything, you know.
02:18Huh.
02:18And, boy, the world comes to end.
02:23Well, you know, she just needs 50 hours of driving practice.
02:26I think it's exciting getting your learner's permit.
02:29It's a rite of passage.
02:31A rite of passage?
02:32Mm-hmm.
02:33What?
02:34It's a right to pay more car insurance, pay for more parking tickets, get more dent fixed.
02:40It's a right paying in the ass. That's what it is.
02:43Well, it doesn't have to be like that.
02:45I could teach her.
02:52You know what, America? That is a bad idea.
02:56Because when it comes to driving, my baby Wanda isn't exactly a model citizen.
03:01Oh, it ain't just me saying it either.
03:03The state of California says it, too.
03:06She got a lead foot.
03:08Huh.
03:08Two of them.
03:10And it's just last month.
03:12My baby can't drive, y'all.
03:14She's hell on wheels.
03:15Now, her and Nessa in the car together, that's just 50 hours of misinformation.
03:21Take a look.
03:22Examine it.
03:22Take your time.
03:24When you pull up to a red light, and you look over, and you see my baby, get the hell
03:28out the way.
03:29You know what, sweetheart?
03:30I changed my mind.
03:32I'm going to teach Nessa how to drive.
03:33You will?
03:34Yeah.
03:35Baby, you got a lot on your plate.
03:37You got work.
03:37You get home late, take your time to fix your hair.
03:40Let me use you some of your burden.
03:43Okay.
03:43Let's go tell her.
03:44No, no, no.
03:44I'll show you how you do it.
03:46Yo, Nessa!
03:47What?
03:48Don't worry me.
03:49Hey, come here!
03:49Yelling from room to room like she's in charge.
03:53The next 50 hours, she gonna get her head straight.
03:56We start first day in the morning.
03:58Okay.
03:59Nessa, it's gonna be fun.
04:01Okay.
04:03You're welcome.
04:04Oh, yeah.
04:05Sorry.
04:06Thanks.
04:08I just figured it out.
04:10What's that?
04:10This has nothing to do with my busy schedule.
04:13It doesn't?
04:14No.
04:15This is about daddy wanting to teach the little girl how to drive.
04:19Aw, I think it's sweet.
04:21Uh-uh.
04:23Can't fool you.
04:24When you gonna learn that?
04:37Uh-uh.
04:39Ha!
04:39You just fell right there.
04:41What?
04:42You checked the rear view mirror, but you didn't check the side mirror.
04:45You got to check the side mirror to see what's going on.
04:47You fell right there.
04:48You know, this is not fun at all.
04:50Nessa is not supposed to be fun.
04:51This is serious.
04:52Serious than a heart attack, or total paralysis, or contamination of a head-on collision.
04:57Okay, I get it.
04:58Well, you need to focus in.
05:00Focus and quit yapping.
05:02What?
05:08Phone call.
05:10Oh, by the way, you might want to turn the car on.
05:12Wanda, I'm the teacher here.
05:16Chillax and let me do my thing, please.
05:19Ow!
05:20Watch it, Vanessa!
05:23Boy, you lost your dog on mine jumping on top of that car.
05:26You happy not?
05:27You just killed your brother.
05:28You failed your drive exam right there.
05:31Go on in the house, boy.
05:32I mean, you got some sense.
05:34I'm trying to tell you.
05:36I hope you plan on studying for that pop quiz I got for you.
05:39Because, Nessa, if you fail, ooh, that car ain't going to be turning on to Christmas.
05:44A little angry.
05:45I'm out there putting myself in harm's way.
05:47I think you're being a little hard on her.
05:49What do you mean?
05:50Why don't I help you out a little bit with this?
05:52I don't need your help.
05:56What's that supposed to mean?
05:57What?
05:58I know you're not going to stand there and give me that old women don't know how to drive thing,
06:03are you?
06:04Okay, then.
06:04Let me update it.
06:06You can't drive.
06:08I'm a good driver.
06:16That might have been a little too much.
06:18It's a little bit.
06:21But it's true.
06:28Hey, y'all.
06:30Runa and Chance again?
06:31You're doggone right, boy.
06:32You don't even waste no food up in this house.
06:35Who is this?
06:37James.
06:39Cover your mouth, James.
06:41Oh, I love sparrows.
06:43You're welcome.
06:45Chance is the best.
06:46Thanks, Mr. Mack.
06:47You're welcome, James.
06:49Come on, son.
06:49Eat.
06:52Hey, baby.
06:53Need some chow mein.
06:55Why?
06:56You don't think I could do that either?
06:57Oh, come on.
06:58You still stewing about this morning?
07:01About me teaching about your driving?
07:03I'm just busting you a little bit without being honest.
07:06Oh, well, since we're just being honest, the reason why you don't get any tickets when you get stopped is
07:12because you pull that, I'm Bernie Mac. What's happening?
07:14Oh, no.
07:15That ain't true.
07:16Oh, I'm Bernie Mac.
07:17I'm famous.
07:18I do not.
07:18Would you like a picture of me?
07:20Oh, you need to stop there.
07:21You know what?
07:22You just mad because I'm a better driver than you.
07:23Oh, this has nothing to do with being a better driver.
07:26What?
07:26This is about you, my brother, wanting to be in control.
07:29Control of what?
07:29You choose when Vanessa drives, who teaches her what we eat for dinner, where we eat for dinner, and what
07:36movie we watch after dinner.
07:38Uncle Bernie James is sick.
07:39Oh, yeah.
07:40No kidding.
07:41All that food he ate.
07:42I guess it didn't help if you fed him that old Chinese food.
07:45Chinese food don't get old.
07:46That's why I got all that MSG in there.
07:48It don't get old.
07:48Well, I think you should take him home.
07:50I'm not taking that boy home.
07:52Forget about it.
07:52I'm not doing it.
07:53Okay, well, fine.
07:53I'll take him home.
07:54Good.
07:54Hey, you know Jordan's friend is out there getting sick.
07:57Yeah.
07:58Yeah, we're going to take him home.
07:59Oh, can I drive?
08:00No.
08:01Sure.
08:01Why not?
08:02Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.
08:04How the heck are you going to take a sick boy home and watch her drive?
08:06You need to focus on her.
08:07No, no, no, no, no.
08:09Okay, you know what?
08:10Fine.
08:10Do what you want, Bernie.
08:11We'll do it.
08:12Come on.
08:15Where are you at?
08:17Hold on, son.
08:19We'll have you home in a few minutes.
08:20If you've got to heave again, if you've got to bark, open the door and stick your head
08:23out.
08:24Don't worry about falling out.
08:25The seatbelt will hold you up, okay?
08:28You keep your hand 10 to 2.
08:30Not 1 15, not 12 15, not 11 30.
08:33You keep it 10 to 2.
08:34You know what?
08:35You just failed your dog on driver exam again.
08:37You just failed it again.
08:38Stop yelling at me.
08:39I'm not.
08:40I'm trying to teach you something.
08:41Well, you're making me nervous.
08:42You're making me nervous.
08:44You're making me nervous.
08:44You don't get us all killed with no hands.
08:46You know what?
08:47You don't want to learn how to drive right to get it.
08:49I can't take this anymore.
08:51You can't.
08:54You know what?
08:55You just failed your driver test again.
08:57Failed it again.
09:01Look at that.
09:02You got the law here.
09:04You ain't hot enough.
09:06You ain't got nothing on you, do you?
09:07Would you look at this, America?
09:09Driving a sick kid home and I get pulled over by the police.
09:12I don't have to tell you what that means for a black man.
09:15I don't have to tell you.
09:17I'm going down.
09:20License and registration, please.
09:23Uh, all I have is my permit.
09:26Then I'm going to have to see your license, sir.
09:28No problem, officer.
09:29How you doing, man?
09:29Fine.
09:30Thanks.
09:30Man, it's beautiful out here today, ain't it?
09:33My favorite time of the year.
09:34Yeah.
09:35There you go.
09:36The name on there is Bernard McCullough, but people know me as Bernie Mac.
09:41Yeah.
09:43This is Officer Apollo.
09:44Most people know me as a cop who hides behind that bush.
09:47By the way, your license is expired.
09:50That's a fool, America!
09:51I'm taking my license.
09:53This is some cruel, unusual punishment.
09:55Now they're going to tow my car home.
09:57How in the heck am I supposed to get home?
09:59They're going to tow my car.
10:01Oh, I'm stealing.
10:19America, there's something really wrong with the system when Bernie Mac can get in trouble
10:23just about sitting next to a pea-brained girl who ain't got no doggone good sense.
10:28Now I've got to wait until Monday morning to go to the DMV to get my license back.
10:39Ready?
10:39Yeah.
10:40So where do you want to go?
10:41Where are y'all going?
10:42I'm taking Vanessa out for a driving lesson.
10:45Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, baby.
10:46No, no, no.
10:46I'm going to teach you.
10:47That's my job.
10:48Oh, you know what, honey?
10:49I'd love that.
10:50Oh.
10:51But I think, and Vanessa correct me if I'm wrong, in order to be in a car with a student
10:56driver, you need someone with a valid license.
11:00Yeah, she's right.
11:01Oh, look at that.
11:02But what am I supposed to do?
11:03Um, stay here and study for your drug test.
11:07Come on.
11:08Hey, Wanda.
11:08Hey.
11:09Hey, Vanessa.
11:09Can I go?
11:11No.
11:12But I've got to pick some stuff up from the drug store.
11:15Like what?
11:17Some personal mail product.
11:21All right, you can come.
11:23But you've got to promise to sit in the back seat and accept I'm in charge.
11:28Yeah, I promise.
11:35Slow down, Vanessa.
11:36Baby, aren't you going to tell her to slow down?
11:38She is.
11:39A good driver know how to slow down real fast.
11:42You know what to be a good driver?
11:43You got it, baby.
11:44Slow down real fast.
11:45A good driver also doesn't get pulled over.
11:48You are doing fine, Vanessa.
11:51Oh, you called this fine?
11:53No wonder you got a lot of tickets.
11:54At least I have my driver's license.
11:56Don't go there.
11:59The light is green, Vanessa, when you're ready.
12:03You don't mash on the gas so hard like you're mashing on bugs or something.
12:06You're giving me whiplash back here.
12:08Well, if you sit back in your seat like a normal passenger, then maybe you wouldn't strain your neck.
12:15All right, fine.
12:16I ain't going to say another word.
12:18Stop right here.
12:19Stop right here.
12:19Go, go, go, go.
12:21Break, break, break.
12:22Watch it.
12:23Break, break.
12:24Put your blinkers on.
12:25Blinkers.
12:25Be careful.
12:26Be careful.
12:27Stay in your lane.
12:28Stay in your lane.
12:29Look out.
12:30Look out.
12:30Look out.
12:31Look out.
12:31Look out.
12:32Watch it.
12:34You're killing.
12:37I don't want to...
12:37I don't want to drive anymore.
12:42I hope you're happy.
12:43Sure it is.
12:44Got home in one piece.
12:45Yep.
12:46You didn't do anything but yell and scream the whole time.
12:48I yelled one time, and I screamed when I thought we was gonna die.
12:51Well, I'ma teach Vanessa to drive.
12:54Alone.
12:54What?
12:55From now on, you are officially banned from the car.
12:57What, what, what, what?
12:58Banned.
13:00She can't ban me.
13:02I'm the one who do all the banning around here.
13:05I'm supposed to be the one in charge of this operation.
13:07Y'all heard of what you're talking about.
13:08You banned.
13:10Huh.
13:10I'm, I'm buying the car.
13:11All the real men at home, you know that.
13:13You know what, you know what's going on.
13:14I'll tear that car for you.
13:17See, I'm gonna get a ladder soon.
13:19Hey, Jerry, man.
13:20Look, Miss Mac.
13:21I ain't gonna be able to meet you at the Palm, man.
13:24I can't get there.
13:25They took my license from me.
13:26I ain't got nowhere to get there.
13:28How many times I'm gonna tell you?
13:30I know it's Martin Corsese.
13:32I'd like to meet him too, but I can't.
13:33I ain't got no way.
13:35Well, I'll tell you what, why don't you bring him over here?
13:38Oh, what you mean he don't want to come to Encino?
13:42All right, then.
13:43All right.
13:44I'll catch a cab.
13:46Yeah.
13:50Yo, man, where you been?
13:52Hey.
13:54Hey, hey, Jerry, I'm on my way, bitch.
13:57What?
13:58What you mean he gone?
14:01When I told you to stall him?
14:02No, man.
14:03What you mean how?
14:04Give him two desserts.
14:05I'm ready to get there.
14:06Oh, shit.
14:08Go.
14:09Go.
14:10Hey.
14:13Hello, Matt.
14:14Honey, why are you?
14:15Oh, hey, Mama Kim.
14:17Girl, I completely forgot about that now.
14:20Hold on, hold on.
14:21Yo!
14:22Hey, Kami!
14:26Mama Kim?
14:27Hey, don't worry.
14:28I'm on my way.
14:28I'm on my way.
14:31Hello?
14:32Watch how you talking to me.
14:34Mama Kim, what?
14:35Hello?
14:39Big fella.
14:40Yo, yo.
14:41Good, man.
14:41Do me a favor, man.
14:42Run over here, man.
14:43Run me down to Mama.
14:44Give me Korean time, man, so I get my nails done.
14:46Are you kidding me?
14:47What?
14:48Why don't you do that at home?
14:49While I do what?
14:50Yo, man, you be on there.
14:52Well, you know...
14:52How long you been knowing me, man?
14:54You know I don't do my own nails.
14:55Come on, now.
14:56Run me over here, man.
14:57Come on.
14:57I'm with your lady.
14:58Hang up.
14:59Hello?
15:01Okay.
15:02Here you go.
15:03Thank you, sir.
15:04No problem.
15:04You sure you can't run me down to Korean town?
15:06Come on.
15:07Mm-hmm.
15:09You can't do it.
15:10Nah.
15:10No way, brother.
15:12Thanks.
15:13I'm telling you, baby.
15:14My whole day with this come bobbling.
15:17Sweetheart, I miss my meet with Mark or Sazy.
15:19What?
15:20Yeah, I missed it.
15:21Then I miss my appointment with Mama Kim.
15:23Oh, she was tight.
15:24She cussed me out in Korean.
15:26Ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba.
15:29Oh, she cussed me out.
15:30I'm telling you.
15:31It was awful.
15:33What?
15:35Sweetheart, what?
15:35Hold on.
15:36What is this?
15:37This ain't what I ordered.
15:37This stuff is all green.
15:39Yeah, it's from Wild Oats Organic.
15:40Wild Oats Organic?
15:41Mm-hmm.
15:42What happened to my sweet and tangy ribs, Wanda?
15:45My beans, my cornbread, my sweet and sour sauce.
15:47What happened to all that?
15:48That's what I'm talking about.
15:49Come on.
15:50Oh, honey, you know what?
15:52You're right.
15:53Well, why don't you take this back to Wild Oats
15:56and go pick up what you would like?
15:57Cool.
15:57You're fine.
15:58Oh, there I go again.
16:00What?
16:01I just can't remember.
16:02You can't drive.
16:04Ha!
16:06You don't have to go down.
16:14America, what you have just seen is not pretty.
16:17I have completely lost control of this whole situation.
16:21I'll tell you one thing, though.
16:22The Mac man needs to get back into the driver's seat.
16:25Yeah!
16:28And I ain't gonna stand for me.
16:32And I ain't gonna stand for me.
16:36And I ain't gonna stand for me.
16:40And I ain't gonna stand for me.
16:49Sit.
16:50Hey.
16:51How you doing?
16:52Wrong line.
16:54What?
16:55Wrong line.
16:56This is the blue line.
16:57You're the red line.
16:58Next.
16:59Wait, wait, wait, wait.
16:59I was already in the red line.
17:01He told me to come to the blue line.
17:02Now, why would he tell me to come to the blue line?
17:04I don't know, sir.
17:06I am not in charge of your problems.
17:08I'm not in, sir.
17:10Next.
17:11Come on, now.
17:11I've been standing a long time, man.
17:13I know.
17:14I understand, sir.
17:18Can I talk to your supervisor?
17:20The supervisor is around, sir, but I am helping this customer now.
17:24And so, you need to maybe go over to the red line.
17:27What are you from?
17:28I'm from the islands.
17:30You should go to the islands.
17:36T, M, N.
17:40That looks like a Q.
17:42And that's either F or Little Man Waitin'.
17:46All right.
17:48That's money, baby.
17:50Yeah, man.
17:52There you go.
17:53Thank you, baby.
17:54Next.
17:55Oh, wait, wait, wait.
17:57Just say fail.
17:58Really?
17:58Yeah.
17:59I'm surprised you could read it.
18:01Come on.
18:01Come on, now.
18:02It's important.
18:03I gotta try to get my license back.
18:04I'm sure you do.
18:06But you fail.
18:07Next.
18:07Come on.
18:07Wait, wait, wait, mama.
18:08How you gonna live?
18:09What I gotta do?
18:10Anything.
18:11What I gotta do?
18:12You need change for the bus.
18:14Next.
18:14Oh, you're real funny.
18:16You know, Bozo died years ago.
18:18You know what I mean?
18:19But you look just like him.
18:20See?
18:21See?
18:21I was gonna give you my phone number.
18:24Your vision has definitely gotten worse.
18:27You're gonna need a stronger prescription for your glasses.
18:31Wow.
18:33Everything in glory.
18:34Yeah, that's normal.
18:35The drops cause your pupils to dilate.
18:38Oh, and you're gonna have to wear these.
18:42Right here.
18:43What?
18:43Right here.
18:44In my hand.
18:45Oh, there you go.
18:48Oh, great.
18:51Now I can't see nothing.
18:53I can't take my driving exam.
18:55I can't drive myself home.
18:57I'm gonna have to rely on everybody else.
18:59What's next?
19:00Uh, Mr. Mac.
19:02Huh?
19:02Mr. Mac, I'm over here.
19:06Dang, Doc.
19:07I'm falling apart.
19:09Am I legally blind?
19:11What?
19:13Huh?
19:14You think I need a dog?
19:16King.
19:18Shoot.
19:19Half blind.
19:20I ain't got no license.
19:21I got a hangnail.
19:23Ever since this girl got her learning from me,
19:25it's been downhill for me.
19:28Baby, are you even listening to me?
19:29Oh, yeah.
19:30It's kinda hard not to know.
19:36Hey, baby, ain't nothing going my way today.
19:38I mean nothing.
19:40I ain't gonna stand for me.
19:41I ain't gonna stand for me.
19:46Now.
19:48Now.
19:51Now.
19:52Now.
19:54Now.
19:54Now.
19:54Now.
19:55Now.
19:56Now.
19:57Now.
19:58Now.
20:09Nessa?
20:10Okay.
20:10Well, don't get no doggone ideas.
20:12Just because you did it one time,
20:13don't mean you gonna do it again.
20:15Now.
20:16Wanda, you know better.
20:16Next time she drives, you ride in front seat.
20:18So you can go first.
20:19Oh.
20:20Stop your griping and get out.
20:22You may be a better driver, but I think I'm a better teacher.
20:25Come on, baby.
20:26Don't start with me.
20:26I'm all weak.
20:27Okay.
20:27Let me get your hand.
20:29I'll help you, too.
20:33Oh, oh.
20:33Sorry.
20:34Watch your step.
20:35You did that on purpose.
20:37Did not.
20:40Come on, honey.
20:41Balance.
20:41Balance.
20:42Watch my step.
20:44I can't see.
20:46One of you helped me walk to the house.
20:48You know what, America?
20:50Hey.
20:50She did a good job.
20:52She can drive.
20:53But she ain't driving my car, and she ain't getting on.
20:55You know why?
20:56Because I'm in control.
21:04Wanda!
21:05I can use some help.
21:14And what's that supposed to mean?
21:15What do you mean?
21:16And don't you stand there acting like whatever.
21:19What is it?
21:20Look, Ingrid, I'm out there putting myself in harm's way and everything.
21:25You know what?
21:26Maybe you're being...
21:27I think you're being a little hard on her.
21:28I'm out there putting myself in harm's way.
21:31You're being a little hard on her.
21:33Wanda, I'm trying to teach that...
21:34Wanda, I'm trying to teach that girl the right...
21:36That little Ingrid.
21:37There's a whole lot of person.
21:39Why...
21:40What's that?
21:40Some scenes...
21:41In your craft in the club's way.
21:46That's a mess...
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