00:04Weasel, I don't believe you guys.
00:06What time do we agree to meet here
00:08to go get the tickets for Tracy Spencer's concert tonight?
00:10Eight o'clock.
00:11And what time did you two show up?
00:1310.30.
00:16Right.
00:17So I guess I shouldn't be surprised if they were sold out.
00:20Yeah, so lighten up, man.
00:24Hey, I have a good excuse.
00:26I was visiting my uncle in the hospital.
00:28Which one?
00:29Our Lady of Mercy.
00:32Nah, nah, which uncle?
00:34My uncle Cannonball Faldo.
00:35He's the guy that gets shot out of the cannon at the circus.
00:38Someone put in too much gunpowder
00:40and blew him smack dab into the flying Fenellas.
00:44Well, who did that?
00:45I don't know.
00:46Some clown.
00:50Listen, guys.
00:51I'm nuts about Tracy Spencer.
00:53I mean, she's beautiful, she's talented.
00:55I have all her CDs, her poster.
00:57Hey, yo, chill out, my man.
00:59Tag.
01:01Look, if the fly girl means that much to you,
01:03we'll just jam down to her hotel room
01:05and ask that sweet thing for some tickets.
01:10All right, weasel.
01:11We'll just waltz right past her bodyguards.
01:14Yeah, weasel.
01:19We won't waltz in, we'll sneak in.
01:24Together?
01:25Nah, separately.
01:28That way we have a better chance of getting the tickets.
01:31I mean, do you really think we can get away with it?
01:33No sweat, Chet.
01:34Piece of old cake.
01:37Now, the only thing to it is to do it.
01:39Oh, yeah.
01:43Do it!
01:48Wait a minute.
01:50What are you supposed to do again?
02:03It's a rare condition
02:05This day and age
02:07To read any good news
02:08On the newspaper page
02:10And love and tradition
02:12Of the grand design
02:13Some people say
02:15It's even harder to find
02:17Well, then there must be some magic clue
02:21Inside these gentle walls
02:24Cause all I see
02:27Is a tower of dreams
02:29Real love bursting out of every scene
02:33And space on fire
02:37It's the bigger love of the family
03:01Brightening your diary again, babe?
03:03Yeah
03:03That's nice
03:05Oh, boy
03:13Sweetheart
03:15Uh-huh
03:16You ever write about me?
03:19Uh-huh
03:20Good stuff?
03:23Sometimes
03:28Bad stuff?
03:31Sometimes
03:32Can I read it?
03:37Nope
03:39Why not?
03:41Because it's private
03:45Private
03:58Harry, could you hand me a tissue, please?
04:01No, sir
04:05Okay, fine
04:07I don't want to read your little diary anyway
04:10Carl
04:11You're acting like a kid
04:12I am not
04:15I was gonna tell you something really neat
04:17But I'm not gonna now
04:39I don't want to read your little diary
04:40I don't want to read your little diary
04:41I don't want to read your little diary
04:48Oh, my God.
05:28No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
05:29I'm sorry.
05:30Look, I know the party's gonna be slamming, but Tracy can't go.
05:35Of course she's got a good reason.
05:36She's got homework.
05:42Wow.
05:43Come on in.
05:45Boy, look at all this stuff.
05:48Tracy's fans sure love her.
05:49They sure do.
05:54Uh, is Miss Spencer around?
05:56Oh, no, she's rehearsing for a concert tonight.
05:58Oh, Tracy doesn't need to rehearse.
06:00She's absolutely perfect.
06:02Oh, you're a big fan, huh?
06:03Me?
06:05No offense, sir, but this is a fancy hotel.
06:07I mean, I see big stars all the time.
06:11Oh, man!
06:12This is from MC Hammer!
06:14Yo!
06:14Yo, man, this is from MC Hammer!
06:16The Hammer Man!
06:26Yeah, who is it?
06:28Housekeeping.
06:31Uh, I'll get it, sir.
06:44Yo, weasel?
06:45Yes, you keep your mouth shut.
06:54Maid service!
06:57The maid was already here two hours ago.
06:59Well, that was just a trainee.
07:01I have to check her work.
07:03I'm the boss maid to wander Toyota.
07:07Get your hands on me and you'll never let go.
07:12I'll take your word for it.
07:25Hi.
07:26Yeah, yeah, yeah.
07:29Oh, and good morning to you, too.
07:31Well, I'm sorry.
07:32I didn't get much sleep last night.
07:34Neither did I.
07:37I had to guard my diary all night.
07:41Well, there'd be no problem if you'd just let me read it.
07:45Forget it, Carl.
07:47I'm going shopping, and I want you to promise me you won't read my diary.
07:52Oh, all right, all right.
07:53Oh, no, no, no, no.
07:54That's not good enough.
07:56I want you to promise.
07:59Okay.
08:01I promise I will not read your precious little diary.
08:13But I didn't promise I wouldn't get somebody else to read it.
08:20Now, let's see.
08:23Who will make a good patsy?
08:27I need help, big guy.
08:42Yeah, just put those over there.
08:46Oh, good Lord.
08:47My aching back.
08:50And my pulse-wollen feet.
08:53I'm going to have to cut these shoes off with a blowtorch.
08:57Tired, huh?
08:59You mind if I sit down and rest my booty for booty?
09:04Yeah, actually, I do mind.
09:06Say what?
09:08Look, Tracy's going to be back here in a minute.
09:09We can't have the maid sitting here resting her booty.
09:14Oh, so what you saying, Ace?
09:15I'm not good enough to hang out with the broad?
09:17That's what you saying?
09:20Oops.
09:24I think I'll come back a little later, son.
09:27Just a second.
09:37Oh, thank God.
09:40What do you mean?
09:41I was hoping no woman could be that ugly.
09:47Look, I just want a couple extra tickets to the concert.
09:50Hey, careful, you'll tell my pantyhose.
09:52Just get out of here before I call security.
09:54And to think I left you extra towels.
09:55Just get out of here.
10:01Do you believe what people will go through to me, Tracy?
10:04Yeah, it's sad, sir.
10:06Some people just aren't what they appear to be.
10:11I've had it.
10:11The next guy I catch sneaking in here
10:13is going to spend the rest of his life in jail.
10:28Aren't you done yet?
10:30Looks like a rainforest in here.
10:36Hanley, I'm back.
10:37Hooray!
10:40Yeah!
10:41Hooray!
10:43Hooray!
10:44Hooray!
10:49It's Tracy Spencer!
10:50You're police!
10:51You know who that is?
10:51It's Tracy Spencer!
10:52Hey, Tracy, you got a basket from MC Hammer
10:54and flowers from Johnny Gill!
10:58Well, hi.
10:59Oh, God.
11:00Tracy Spencer said hi to me.
11:04He meets big stars all the time.
11:07Listen, kid, thanks for your help.
11:09Here's a little something for your trouble.
11:11Uh, gee, thanks, but...
11:12We'll see you.
11:13Well, bye.
11:13Bye.
11:15Listen, Lee, I'm having a little trouble
11:17with the vocals on Tenor Kisses.
11:19Oh, really?
11:19Well, let's play the track
11:20and see what the problem is.
11:32I'm so confused.
11:35I'm so confused
11:36And I think I'm gonna cry
11:38Tonight
11:41What must I do, babe?
11:43You don't know what you mean?
11:47You don't know what you mean?
11:48Oh, I...
11:50Tell me something
11:52Tell me who this will link me in you
11:56So I found unpredictable
12:01Can't I ask if you treat me this way
12:07I want you to love me for who I am
12:12Whoa, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
12:18Whatever happened
12:20To the dreams we used to share
12:23Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
12:26Take yall all caps
12:26Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah You don't know how much
12:27Boy, don't you even care
12:29Wait, bitch, yo, yeah, yeah
12:33No way
12:34No way
12:35Baby
12:35No way
12:36Tender kisses, baby
12:38Go tomorrow, go today, take the kisses
12:43My baby, my baby
12:52Don't leave, leave me here all alone
12:58I want someone, I can go on my own
13:05I may be young, but I'm ready
13:11Ready to fall in love
13:25Hey, you have a great voice
13:26So do you. I mean, but of course you know that. I mean, you have albums out and people pay
13:32to see you.
13:33I mean, you're my biggest fan. I mean, I'm your biggest fan.
13:39Oh, girl, you are so fly. Will you marry me?
13:45First of all, let's take it a little bit slower. What's your name?
13:49Eddie Bellboy. I mean, Winslow, Winslow. Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie Winslow, that's my name.
13:56Hi, Eddie Winslow. And you're a bellboy.
13:59No, not really. You see, I gave a real bellboy 20 bucks to borrow this uniform. He's down in the
14:04hall shivering in the linen closet.
14:06You want me to throw him out?
14:08Are you kidding? My biggest fan. Eddie, why'd you go through so much trouble just to meet me?
14:14Well, you see, Tracy, I waited in line for hours to get tickets to your concert, but they were sold
14:19out.
14:19Tickets? I can get you some tickets. And would you like some backstage passes, too?
14:23Oh, I love you, Tracy.
14:29I think that's a yes.
14:35What's that?
14:36I don't know.
14:39It looks like some kind of cannon.
14:42I saw one of those in the circus.
14:45Look, somebody's climbing.
14:47Look out!
15:03Waldo, what's up?
15:07Waldo, what's up?
15:10Wow.
15:12Tracy Spencer, do you have any aspirin?
15:24Steve, for the last time, open the diary and read it to me!
15:34No, sir.
15:36This diary belongs to Harriet.
15:40And I will not violate her privacy.
15:42And there was absolutely nothing you can do to ever get me to change my mind.
15:53How about if I convince Laura to go on a date with you?
15:59January 1st.
16:04We had a wonderful New Year's Eve party, except Carl got sick and threw up all of our waiter.
16:09Yeah, skip that part, skip that part.
16:11March 10th.
16:13Went to the market.
16:15I've been there a hundred times, but this time was different.
16:19This time, I met a Raul.
16:24Raul? Who's Raul?
16:25Wait, wait, wait.
16:28Raul is the new produce manager.
16:30He introduced himself, and I was immediately struck by his deep brown eyes, his engaging sense of humor, and how
16:39delicately he handled my candelabra.
16:47Why, if all the lobes don't...
16:48Why, if all the lobes don't...
16:49Calm down, calm down, calm down, easy.
16:51Raul asked me out, but I told him I was happily married.
16:56Atta girl, Harriet.
16:57March 24th.
16:59Raul's houseboat is beautiful.
17:01What?
17:05I feel so safe in Raul's strong arms.
17:10I love him so much, but I sort of like Carl, too.
17:13Oh, no.
17:16Hold on, hold on, big guy.
17:17Listen to this.
17:19Aha!
17:20It's over with me and Raul.
17:22Oh, thank God.
17:23Chuck is twice the man Raul is.
17:26Chuck!
17:29Holy mackerel, Carl.
17:31Why, I had no idea that Harriet was so, shall we say, friendly.
17:39Hi, guys.
17:41Aha!
17:51How could you, Harriet?
17:53What's the matter, Carl?
17:54What's the matter?
17:56What's the matter?
17:58This is what's the matter.
18:02Carl, you promised you wouldn't read my diary.
18:04Well, I didn't read it.
18:07Steve read it to me.
18:09Steve, how could you?
18:11Well, I didn't want to do it,
18:13but Carl promised that he would try and get me a date with Laura.
18:17I'm sorry, Harriet.
18:19I'm weak.
18:21I'm weak.
18:30Carl, those are my personal, private thoughts.
18:34Oh, and they are personal and private.
18:39March 24th.
18:42Raul's houseboat is beautiful.
18:45Carl, listen.
18:45No, you listen.
18:48Chuck is twice the man Raul is.
18:52Carl.
18:53I'm not finished yet, Harriet.
18:56April 24th.
18:57Carl, I planted this fake diary because I knew you'd read it.
19:04Carl.
19:11Oops.
19:15What do you have to say now, Carl?
19:28You actually believe the nonsense in here?
19:32Not all of it.
19:34Carl Winslow, you are the most insecure man I've ever met.
19:36I am not.
19:38Am I really?
19:40Am I really?
19:41If you weren't insecure,
19:43you wouldn't have believed for a second
19:45that I would have an affair.
19:50Carl, this is my real diary.
19:52Read what I wrote last night.
19:59February 4th.
20:01I am such a lucky woman.
20:02I have a lovely home and three wonderful children.
20:05But best of all, I get to share it
20:06with a caring and understanding husband,
20:09a man I love more and more every day.
20:16Thanks, Harriet.
20:18I love you more and more every day, too, sweetheart.
20:22Feel better now, Carl.
20:25Much better.
20:39And I watched her entire concert from the first row.
20:42Ah-ha.
20:44Look, then after the concert was over,
20:46I got to go backstage,
20:47I met her entire band,
20:48and we hung out in her dressing room.
20:50Right, and last night,
20:52I had dinner with Big Bird.
20:56Yeah, and Laura has the hearts for me.
21:00This is whack.
21:01I hook up with the high preachers of pop,
21:03and nobody wants to believe me.
21:05Oh, I'll get that.
21:08It's probably Whitney Houston.
21:11Hey!
21:15Hi, is Eddie home?
21:17Oh, my God!
21:19You...
21:20What?
21:20What?
21:22Do you know who you are?
21:25Tracy Spencer!
21:28Oh, da-da-da-da-da!
21:29Oh, da-da-da!
21:30That's a bizarre!
21:31Oh!
21:39All right.
21:42It's great to see you, Tracy.
21:44Uh, this is my dad,
21:46my sister Laura,
21:47my little cousin Richie,
21:48and our neighbor Steve.
21:49Hi.
21:50Hi!
21:53Listen, Eddie,
21:53I'm on my way out to the airport,
21:55and I have six more stops on my tour,
21:56and I just wanted to give you my itinerary.
22:00Great!
22:01Maybe you can even write me
22:02every once in a while.
22:04Every day?
22:05Can I call you, too?
22:06That'd be great.
22:08So, uh, um,
22:10would you like to ride to the airport with me?
22:12My limo will bring you back.
22:14Yeah!
22:15Well, hey, let's go.
22:17Okay.
22:18It was nice meeting all of you.
22:21Bye!
22:23Bye!
22:28Well, I guess I'll go with my friend Tracy Spencer
22:35in her stretch limo.
22:38See ya!
22:39Ha-ha!
22:40Ha-ha!
22:41Ha-ha!
22:41Ha-ha!
22:42Ha-ha!
22:42Ha-ha!
22:42Ha-ha!
22:43Ha-ha!
22:43Ha-ha!
22:44Ha-ha!
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