00:10You okay? Laura? Hi Waldo. What's up? Are you an usher here? Yep. I thought you had a job with
00:18the ground crew at the airport. I did, but they fired me when I directed the jumbo jet into the
00:22luggage carousel. Went here. Now remember, in the unlikely event of a water landing,
00:52your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device. Thanks Waldo. No problem, Bob.
01:07Wow. This is fantastic. Yeah, CNC Music Factory Live. No, I mean us. You and me. And no Steve Urkel.
01:19You mean no Steve Urkel yet. He's followed us on every date we've ever had.
01:23Man, he just won't give up. You know what we need? An Urkel-sized roach motel.
01:31Hey, what about introducing him to another girl?
01:34Get real, Ted. Who would be willing to go out with Steve Urkel?
01:37My cousin Myra might want to meet him.
01:41Really? What's wrong with her?
01:44Nothing. She's just attracted to brainy guys.
01:47Well, that sounds good, but there's still one problem. Steve is obsessed with me.
02:07You know, man?
02:09Don't worry. Be happy. Everything gonna be alright.
02:19Hey, man. You used to drive a blue Toyota, man?
02:23Yeah, but what do you mean used to?
02:25It's on fire, man.
02:42It's a rare condition, this day and age, to read any good news on the newspaper page.
02:49And love and tradition of the grand design, some people say it's even harder to find.
02:57Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.
03:04It's all I see is a tower of dreams. Real love bursting out of every scene.
03:14Days go by. It's the bigger love of the family.
03:32Oh, pretty lady. Numpty pretty boy and we be damming.
03:36Steve! That's enough!
03:39Ow!
03:40I think it was bobby pins.
03:44Urkel!
03:45Uh-oh.
03:48My car was not on fire.
03:53Go home, Urkel.
03:55Hey, I paid for my...
03:56I said go home!
03:57Calm down.
03:58Go home! Go home! Go home!
04:06I don't have to take this. I'm going home.
04:11My dreadlocks, if you please.
04:13Huh.
04:17Oh.
04:19What?
04:29Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill.
04:33Hey, Judy.
04:35Hi.
04:36What's the matter, sweetheart?
04:38I'm dead meat.
04:39You remember Mom's fancy dress with all the sparkly things on it?
04:43You mean sequins?
04:44Yeah.
04:45Well, I sort of tried it on, and I sort of got it dirty.
04:48And I sort of put it in the washing machine.
04:51Uh-oh.
04:52Was it damaged?
05:05Well, don't worry, sweetheart.
05:07The next time we go out, we'll just glue these on to your mother.
05:11And Daddy, you gotta help me. Mom will kill me.
05:15Well, take it easy, sweetheart.
05:16I tell you what.
05:17We'll wait till your mom is in a real good mood, and then I'll explain things to her.
05:22You're the best.
05:26Hey, Dad.
05:27Can I borrow 20 bucks?
05:2920 bucks?
05:30Edward, do you see this stack of envelopes?
05:33This is not fan mail, son.
05:36These are bills.
05:38How about 15?
05:41Edward.
05:42Do you see this bill?
05:44It's from the Lander Lincoln Casualty.
05:46$400 for your car insurance.
05:50Whoa.
05:51Yeah, that's a lot of money.
05:52You said it.
05:53I wouldn't pay it.
05:54Uh, Edward.
05:57You know how you're always complaining about how I treat you like a kid?
06:01Well, I'm gonna give you some real adult responsibility.
06:04From now on, you are gonna start paying at least part of your car insurance.
06:09But, Dad...
06:09But, the quarterly premium is $400.
06:12So I expect you to pay at least one-fourth of that amount out of your paycheck.
06:18But, that's 60 bucks.
06:21100.
06:21Nice try, son.
06:23Dad, do you know how many times I'll have to say,
06:25how about some mustard on that Mighty Weenie to make 100 bucks?
06:30No.
06:31But, keep track.
06:32The guys down at the precinct love interesting facts like that.
06:35Oh, sure.
06:37Mock me.
06:38But, let me tell you something, Dad.
06:40I didn't get this part-time job to be responsible.
06:42I got it to impress chicks.
07:08Where am I paid?
07:10Thanks for coming, Steve.
07:11Oh, sorry I'm tardy.
07:13But, I just got back from the optometrist.
07:15He dilated the old peeper, so things are a little foggy.
07:24Is that a new hairdo?
07:30Steve, I'm over here.
07:32Oh.
07:36So, what's on your gorgeous mind?
07:43Steve, I have some tickets to the Dave Koss concert and I want you to go.
07:47Oh, yes.
07:48Yes.
07:48Yes.
07:51A thousand times yes.
07:54Mike, this is the greatest day of my life.
07:59Well, Ted's coming, too.
08:01Oh.
08:03Well, ordinarily, three's a crowd.
08:05But, in this case...
08:06It's not just the three of us.
08:08Ted's bringing his cousin, Myra.
08:10Oh.
08:12Well, in some mountainous regions of the country, that sort of thing is acceptable.
08:16But, here in the Windy City, we have regulations.
08:19We have protocol.
08:21Steve.
08:22Oh, darling, what difference does it make?
08:26If two or a thousand people tag along, as long as we're together.
08:34What?
08:35Have you been eating?
08:39Why, you're nothing but skin and bones.
08:45Oh.
08:48Listen, it's a double date.
08:49I'll be with Ted and you'll be with Myra.
08:52Ted told her all about you and, despite that, she's looking forward to meeting you.
08:57Wait a minute.
08:59This is a transparent attempt to pawn me off on another woman.
09:03Well, it ain't gonna work.
09:04Never in a million years.
09:07Please, Steve.
09:08Okay.
09:13Ooh, she touched me.
09:30And these are for you, sweetums.
09:32And, uh, these are for what's-her-name.
09:36Her name is Myra.
09:39Yeah, well, you better write it on your face,
09:41because that's where I'll be looking all night.
09:44Look, Steve, give the poor girl a chance.
09:45Who knows?
09:46You might even like her.
09:47Ha!
09:48I'd be very surprised indeed.
09:54Hi.
10:04Myra, this is Laura.
10:06Hi, nice to meet you.
10:07Hello.
10:07Thanks.
10:07And this is your date, Steve Urkel.
10:09Hello, Steve.
10:10Hello.
10:11I'm sure you're aware that Myra was a seaport in ancient Lycia.
10:16Oh, yes.
10:16And I'm sure that you're aware that Steve derives from the Greek,
10:20Stephanos, i.e. crown.
10:25But, of course.
10:29And these are pour vous.
10:31Oh, they're beautiful.
10:33I just love ranunculus.
10:35And look at these lovely Catananchi cerulea.
10:39What?
10:42Buttercups and Cupid's dart.
10:43Read a book.
10:48Uh, come on, guys.
10:50You better get going.
10:51Apre vous, my little ancient people.
10:53Merci, my handsome Stephanos.
10:55Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
11:01What a cute little snorke.
11:03Ah.
11:16Yes.
11:17Yes.
11:27Hey, honey, what's up?
11:28A water bill.
11:30Well, the good news is Richie has volunteered to skip his baths.
11:35Now there's a team player.
11:38Wait a minute.
11:40Are you paying Edward's share of his car insurance?
11:43Yeah. He met this new girl and wanted to take her to dinner.
11:46Don't worry. He promised to pay me back.
11:48Ah. Oh.
11:49Uh-huh.
11:51Always calling that kid, boy.
11:54Carl, are you saying that I'm coddling Eddie?
11:56Well, since you brought it up.
11:58Carl, I'm simply helping him.
12:00Harriet, that is not helping him.
12:03Now, Edward needs to learn responsibility.
12:05How is he ever going to do that if you always let him off the hook?
12:08Carl, calm down.
12:09I will not calm down. I mean, this is very important.
12:16Carl, let me get this straight.
12:18You're saying that if our kids screw up, we should just let them take their lunch?
12:21Absolutely. How else are they going to learn?
12:23No exceptions.
12:24No exceptions.
12:25Then why are you covering for Judy?
12:26Say what?
12:27You told me that my red sequin gown was mixed up in the laundry.
12:31What you didn't tell me was that Judy was the one that ruined it.
12:35Well, me helping Judy is totally different from you helping Eddie.
12:38Oh?
12:39How?
12:40You weren't supposed to find out about Judy.
12:44Carl, our daughter has a conscience.
12:45She came to me and confessed the whole thing.
12:48I see.
12:49Well, I'm going to have to have a talk with her.
12:52Stamp out that pesky honest streak.
12:57Carl, let's face it.
12:59Edward has always been able to get away with anything with me.
13:02And Laura and Judy have you wrapped around their little fingers.
13:06I guess that's true.
13:08You know, whenever I put my foot down, they bat their pretty little eyes and I crumble.
13:13Oh, well, that's okay, honey.
13:15Our children need to learn responsibility, but they also need to know that we're there to help them.
13:21You know something?
13:22You are a very wise woman, Mrs. Winslow.
13:26Why, thank you, Mr. Winslow.
13:28I think we make a great team, too.
13:30I foul everything up and you straighten everything out.
13:34Honey, you're being a little hard on yourself.
13:36I mess up sometimes, too.
13:38Oh?
13:39Well, I can't think of any examples, but I'm sure it's bound to happen someday.
13:51I'm sure it's bound to happen someday.
13:56These are great seats.
13:58Well, they've got the tickets.
14:00No, they're great because I'm sitting next to you.
14:07Ladies and gentlemen, WJGZ Radio and the Chicago Concert Series are proud to present
14:14the Sultan of the Sensuous Saxophone, Dave Codd.
14:31Laura, you look fabulous tonight.
14:36Oh, please.
14:39Laura's too smart to bother that trike, didn't you?
14:43Ted, you're so sweet.
14:50Uh-oh.
14:51I hope she doesn't notice that huge zit behind my ear.
14:59That's a nice tie.
15:00Oh, thanks.
15:01It's a clipper.
15:03So, why did I say thanks?
15:05Would it have been a crime to let her think that I can tie my own tie?
15:13Oh, I wonder if Laura's noticed Ted's humongous zit.
15:20Let's see.
15:21If Iwana Trump married Neil Diamond, she'd be Iwana Diamond.
15:32Do you mind?
15:34Not at all.
15:36Uh-oh.
15:37Ted almost caught me staring at his zit.
15:44Oh, I wish Steve would put his arm around me.
15:47Hmm.
15:48Maybe I can give him some encouragement.
15:54Oh, my God.
15:55Did I eat the order?
16:01Yes.
16:02That's the time for it.
16:04I wonder if I could put my arm around the little vixen.
16:09Don't go for it, you spudster.
16:19Yes!
16:21Touchdown!
16:23I really like him.
16:25She really likes me.
16:27She really likes him.
16:30She really likes him?
16:34And if Iwana for Neil Diamond and Mary Jack Nicholson, she'd be Iwana Diamond Nicholson.
16:45Oh, isn't this romantic?
16:49Sure is.
16:58Myra, isn't this romantic?
17:02It sure is.
17:24Stop that music.
17:25Stop that music.
17:27Stop that music.
17:29Stop that music.
17:29Stop that music.
17:30Stop that music.
17:31Oh, Steve, what are you doing?
17:34I'll tell you what I'm doing.
17:37I, Stephen Q. Urkel, am guilty of emotional adultery.
17:48Ever since kindergarten, I've loved one girl and one girl only.
17:54The lovely Laura Winslow.
17:57Stand up, Laura.
17:58Take a bow.
18:00Well, come on.
18:01Stand up and show that funky vibe.
18:08Is this a raving beauty or what?
18:10Huh?
18:11Huh?
18:11Huh?
18:12Huh?
18:19In a perfect world, Laura and I would be a couple, an item, a pair, but alas, it's not
18:29a perfect world, and Laura's here with another man.
18:35I'll stand up, pretty boy.
18:42Stand's an okay guy, but he's got two things I don't have, my woman, and a humongous zit
18:49behind his ear.
18:57Dave Cox, ladies and gentlemen, Dave Cox.
19:06Hey, you, do you think you could wrap this up already?
19:09I'm trying to give a concert here.
19:11Oh, hang tight, baby.
19:13Folks, Lauren can't arrange for me to date this lovely, intelligent girl right here.
19:19And stand up, Myra.
19:20Take a bow.
19:29Target.
19:34She's a delightful, sweet young lady.
19:37But enchanting though she is, my heart will always and forever belong to the lovely Laura.
19:50Laura Lee Winslow, the girl with a smile that can light the darkest corners of my heart.
20:01Her lovely eyes sparkle with the eternal promise of happy tomorrows.
20:13Her bright, bold lips tip kiss away all the sorrows and worries of my weary soul.
20:21Tonight, I was tempted by the ever-rescent personality and bodacious bod of another.
20:29My God, I nearly succumb.
20:31But I hereby declare, and all of you are my witnesses, that I shall never ever stray, may I say.
20:41Instead, I shall redouble my efforts to Gwen Laura's heart.
20:45I shall pursue her reliance, until I hear those three magical words I have waited my entire length of year.
20:55I give up.
20:57I shall be.
20:57I shall be.
21:00I shall be.
21:14I shall be.
21:15I shall be.
21:17I shall be.
21:18I shall be.
21:20I shall be.
21:21I shall be.
21:21I shall be.
21:21I shall be.
21:21I shall be.
21:21I shall be.
21:22I shall be.
21:27I wonder if I'd have the guts to make a speech like that to win a girl.
21:31Fortunately, with my looks, I'll never have to.
21:39I'm going to kill Steve.
21:41Yep, he needs to be killed.
21:44He's dead.
21:46I'm gonna kill him, I'm gonna kill him, I'm gonna kill him.
21:52I think I really impressed Olara, didn't I?
21:55Yep, she wants me back.
22:00Oh, it's a pity I had to hurt Myra.
22:03After tonight, she'll never forgive me.
22:10God, I want Steve.
22:13I know size isn't important, but I bet his brain is huge.
22:20I don't know what he sees in that Mora,
22:23but I swear I'll never rest until I make him mine.
22:33If Ivana divorced Mo Diamond and Jack Nicklaus and married Ron Darwin,
22:38she'd be Ivana Diamond-Nicholas Darwin.
22:40I swear.
22:43Oh, I doubt about it.
22:46Right though.
22:46I am a Pikachu team Europa, who's blue or purple?
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