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Taskmaster AU S03E04
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00:02Nooooo!
00:13Please leave it!
00:27Is this good television?
00:38Hello and welcome to Taskmaster Australia.
00:41My name is Tom Gleeson and after decades battling Channel 10 in the courts,
00:46it brings me great pleasure to announce that the matter's been settled.
00:50While I can't disclose the details, what I can say is I'm being paid millions.
00:55Rove can never mention my mother ever again.
01:00And that the most important role in entertainment history is still mine.
01:03For I am the Taskmaster.
01:09It's now my duty and privilege to give these comedians 1, 2, 3, 4 or even 5 points based solely
01:16on what I reckon.
01:18And the overall prize they seek, let's just say Indiana Jones would spit in Tutankhamen's face
01:24to lay his mitts on it for just one millisecond.
01:27It's a perfect golden replica of my head.
01:33It gives me half a mongrel.
01:35As always, I'm joined by five comedians desperately competing for points.
01:40And this season they are...
01:54And to my left is a man with a misleading surname, considering his dad is the one who pays me
02:00for him to be here.
02:02It's my assistant, Tom Cashman.
02:08G'day, Tom. Try to relax.
02:10Oh, thanks.
02:12How are you?
02:13I'm okay. My friend bought a car on the weekend.
02:16And he said it'll get him from A to B.
02:18And I was like, oh, that's not very far.
02:21Like, if we're using the alphabet to denote distance, that's as short as it gets.
02:26If I had a car, I'd want it to get to at least C.
02:30Then I'd want to know that I could get back to A, because if I started at A, presumably that's
02:33where I live.
02:35And then I'd want to go on longer trips as well.
02:37So if I had a car, I'd want it to go from A to C, and then back to A,
02:43and then to, like, R.
02:45And then it would spell what it is.
02:53Don't clap. It'll make him try again next week.
02:56All right, Lissa, Tom, what are we doing first?
02:59Well, we have our prize task.
03:00This week, our comedians have been asked to bring in the thing with the cutest face on it that isn't
03:04meant to be a face.
03:05All right, Mel, what's your cute thing?
03:08It is a cup that was bought in India.
03:12And I think the artist made a mistake and did a sort of a little face on the back half
03:17there.
03:17It even looks like Family Guy, like it's got the blonde hair.
03:20But it's kind of cute, a little smile and an eye with no pupil.
03:24I'm worried it's not very cute.
03:26What?
03:27Oh, I'm blown away.
03:30What could possibly be cuter than a little mouth that's just doing a little semi-smile like some?
03:35Sometimes I see out of someone who sits.
03:41Concerta, what did you bring in?
03:43I brought in this adorable cheese grater.
03:50All right.
03:52That is a very cute face.
03:53It looks a bit like Tom Cashman.
03:55Oh.
03:59It's a lot like Tom Cashman.
04:01All right, Aaron, what did you bring in?
04:03So I went to a Vietnamese restaurant in Marrickville called Viet Rolls.
04:08They're awesome guys.
04:10Did you just do a mention so you get free rolls?
04:15Because you slipped it in, but you kind of looked at the camera when you said it.
04:20I'm in no way affiliated and use Aaron Chen at the checkout.
04:28But I went into the bathroom, right, and there was this metal bracket that used to be a soap holder.
04:39So I got the owner to take it off the wall for me.
04:44But, yeah, I promised him I'd win this episode and bring it back because his business is really struggling.
04:51So you moved very quickly from an endorsement to a bankruptcy.
04:56All right, Peter, do you have a cute face that's not a face?
04:59I was struggling with this one, so I thought I'd go have a drink at a local bar and try
05:04to find some inspiration.
05:05And you will not believe what happened in the nick of time.
05:13You might be thinking, that's what they all were supposed to look like.
05:16My wife had one as well.
05:17This is hers.
05:18Oh.
05:20That one came to me for a reason.
05:22Right.
05:23Rhys, what did you come up with?
05:24Like Pete, I struggled with this one up until this morning.
05:28I didn't have anything.
05:29And then I'm making my toast this morning.
05:32And you would not believe this.
05:41I cannot believe Moby came up on my post.
05:46I think Moby's very cute.
05:48Yeah.
05:48So I'm glad you threw that in at the end because I was worried it was me.
05:51And I suffer from a mild case of self-loathing at times.
05:54And I was going to mark you down.
05:55But I'm a big fan of Moby.
05:57All right, so we need some scores.
05:58That's right.
05:59Mel, yours wasn't cute.
06:00I don't envy you on social media after this, but, you know.
06:05Also, I'm going to say, I feel like Conchetta and Aaron were both going for a very similar vibe.
06:10But I'm just a bit more concerned about the Vietnamese roles business.
06:14Yep.
06:14So I'm going to give Aaron three and Conchetta two.
06:17Okay.
06:17It was a very cute face in Pete's drink, so I'm going to give Pete four.
06:20But with five points, I'm going to give it to Reece because I'm a massive fan of Moby.
06:25Okay.
06:28Let's get stuck into the real stuff.
06:31All right.
06:31I don't think I've ever had less experience with the theme of a task than this.
06:56There is no Tom.
06:58Tars must have VIP.
07:00Just on first look, what do you reckon?
07:02Play a round of strip poker with Tom.
07:04No thanks.
07:05Try not to vomit in a bucket.
07:07Least vomit wins.
07:09Shall I be mother?
07:10Go for it.
07:12Transform the study into the hottest club in town.
07:16Oh, yes.
07:18Hottest club in town wins.
07:21Tom will join the line of your hottest club in 60 minutes.
07:24Your time starts now.
07:27We are the perfect three people.
07:30We all love clubbing.
07:31Well, you're young.
07:32You know what's in clubs.
07:33What makes them hot?
07:34Stripper poles.
07:36Yes.
07:37I think we should make it in over 28s.
07:39Yeah.
07:41What are you, Aaron?
07:4227.
07:43Okay.
07:44I'll wait outside for a year.
07:47We'll get you in.
07:47This could be a DJ.
07:49Hot plate.
07:49Or a hot, hot plate.
07:51Listen for the drop.
07:52It's coming.
07:53Name of the club.
07:54Name of the club.
07:54Yeah.
07:56Moist.
07:58Club moist.
07:59Let's make this place really wet.
08:02That's hot.
08:03That stays.
08:04Sorry.
08:05Oh.
08:07Yeah.
08:08That's a lot of moisture.
08:12Ernie and Bert and the Muppets are back.
08:15Have any of you even been to a nightclub in the last year?
08:19I've been to a club.
08:21Oh.
08:21What's a club?
08:25Is this an Italian thing again?
08:27No.
08:28No, it's a cool people thing.
08:30Are you saying Italians aren't cool?
08:32No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
08:34All right, Lessa Tom.
08:35Which club are we going to go to first?
08:37Let's see if I can get into club moist.
08:44Hi there.
08:45I'm here to attend the hottest club in town.
08:51What is happening?
08:53You can't wear that jacket.
08:55Okay.
08:55Are you the door person?
08:57Of course I'm the door person.
08:58I'm standing at the door.
08:59Okay.
09:00Literally.
09:00Let's put this on.
09:02Oh.
09:03Sounds quite wet in there.
09:06Are you prepared to get moist?
09:08I suppose if that's what the hottest club in town entails.
09:12Well, there's pre-wedding.
09:26Welcome to club moist.
09:28I'll be right with you.
09:37What can I get you?
09:39Um, what do you serve?
09:41What would you like?
09:43Of water?
09:53That's probably enough.
09:54Yep.
09:57Does that experience cost any money or that was just on the house?
10:00You're getting a bit aggro, mate.
10:02I think maybe you've had enough.
10:03Take him out.
10:03You've had enough.
10:04You're out.
10:05This is the end of the experience?
10:06This is the end of the experience.
10:07It's enough, mate.
10:08Okay.
10:09You're out.
10:15Well, it was definitely a nightclub run by Muppets.
10:19Pete, your hair there, your ridiculous wig,
10:22looked like Aaron's real hair.
10:25Well, we wanted to have a club that none of us would actually want to go to.
10:30It had to be pretentious and full of wankers,
10:32and I think we achieved that.
10:35Well, there were times like it felt less like a nightclub
10:38and more like a performance art piece.
10:41Watching Tom walk in through the plastic,
10:43he seemed so genuinely terrified about what was happening in there,
10:48and I think that's what happens in a hot club.
10:49When you're standing outside and you don't know what's happening,
10:51the noises were extremely concerning.
10:55What tunes were you spinning on the wet decks, Karen?
10:58Do you know there's a DJ called Fred again?
11:02Well, I was wet again.
11:09To be let into a club, you pay a door charge.
11:11Here on commercial TV, you watch ads.
11:14Time to pay the fee,
11:15and thank your lucky stars there's not a dress code.
11:17See you soon.
11:30Welcome back to Taskmaster,
11:31where five comedians are genuinely trying their best
11:34to win a piece of burnt toast and a metal bracket
11:37Aaron Chan ripped off a restaurant wall.
11:41Where do we leave off Lester Tom?
11:42We're halfway through a team task.
11:44Our teams are trying to turn the study into the hottest club in town.
11:47Next up, even if their club makes you line up out on the street,
11:50at least that street is Sesame Street.
11:52It's Ernie and Bert.
11:52Congratulations on Emel.
12:02Come on in.
12:04The red whistle.
12:06Okay.
12:09It's a real sausage fest in here.
12:13G'day.
12:14Watch the vomit.
12:18Read me.
12:19You looking for the hottest club in town?
12:22You're not going to find it that easily, mate.
12:25Only a truly cool person can find the hottest club on their own.
12:28Oh, right.
12:38Doesn't seem like the hottest club in town.
12:43Oh, my God.
12:45Here he comes.
12:49Hey, welcome to Shark Guys.
12:51Shark Guys?
12:52Are you on the list?
12:53Um, I hope so.
12:54My name's Tom Cashman.
12:56Sorry, you're not on the list.
12:58Oh.
12:59Also, we're at Capacity.
13:01Is that the hottest club in town?
13:03That's our resident DJ.
13:04Okay.
13:05So the capacity is just the DJ?
13:08Yep.
13:08What's the point of having a business where it's the hottest club in town, but the capacity
13:11is the DJ?
13:12I want to see your kids.
13:14What's your name?
13:14Sorry, you don't fit the dress code.
13:16Oh, okay.
13:17Do you know what the dress code is?
13:18No, it's suits.
13:19Anything but suits.
13:20Anything but?
13:21And the boat doesn't dock for another eight hours.
13:24The boat's out in the lake for the next eight hours.
13:26It's a boat party.
13:28Club.
13:29Okay.
13:30So the DJ is doing an eight-hour set.
13:32One, two, one, two, three, go.
13:36Is the music playing just in headphones that she has?
13:40Yep.
13:41It's a silent disco.
13:43It's a silent disco.
13:44I thought so.
13:45So it's a boat silent disco with a capacity of zero on top of the DJ.
13:50Pernessa, can you get rid of him, please?
13:52Yep.
13:52You are stinking the vibe of the hottest club in town.
13:55Oh, okay.
13:55Please leave.
13:56All right.
13:57Well, it was nice to meet you.
13:58While you're backing up, turn around and walk forward.
14:01Back to the bangers.
14:06Wow.
14:07Wow.
14:08I actually think that was pretty good.
14:10Like, I mean, it's a hot nightclub.
14:11It's very lateral thinking.
14:12You created this whole other terrible nightclub,
14:14and then you went out and made a cool one that he had to find.
14:16To me, that's a really hot nightclub.
14:19And that's all.
14:19That's it.
14:20That's all.
14:20That's it.
14:20Yeah.
14:21Yeah.
14:22That's a really hot nightclub.
14:23Yeah.
14:24I have a bone of some tips.
14:25And this might be wrong.
14:26Can you read the task out again, please?
14:28Transform the study into the hottest club in town.
14:32Ooh, more?
14:36So that would mean that the club being assessed, in your case, is the red whistle.
14:41Oh.
14:44So hang on, that really hot club that they nailed, called Shark Eyes, is not even in competition.
14:50No.
14:50What?
14:51No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
14:53Oh, sorry.
14:54What is the study?
14:55Outdoors in the study.
14:57These are some things that were in the red whistle.
15:00A sign saying no coward punching.
15:02A sign saying it's a real sausage fest in here.
15:05And a piece of paper that specifically says it is not the hottest club in town.
15:12Well, I can only take your word for it that it isn't the hottest nightclub in town.
15:16So I'm going to give the Muppets five.
15:18Ernie and Bert get two each.
15:19Okay.
15:24All right, Lisa Tom.
15:25That task barely touched the sides.
15:27I'm ready for another.
15:28This next task is full of so many hilarious and entertaining moments.
15:31It's literally bursting at the seams.
15:49Hi, Rose.
15:50Hi, Tom.
15:51Hi, Tom.
15:53Beep, beep.
15:54Interesting.
15:56Whoa!
15:57Oh, my gosh.
16:01Fabulous.
16:02Now I'm left with a puzzle.
16:03Should I come back in half an hour?
16:05Got it.
16:06Yeah, got it.
16:09Okie dokie.
16:11Create the best banner, then burst through it.
16:15Best banner and banner burst through wins.
16:17You must burst through your banner in 30 minutes.
16:20Your time starts now.
16:23Well, let's get the idea down first before we go down and create.
16:27The pencil's here kind of small, don't you reckon?
16:30It seems like a normal pencil from here.
16:31And what about this?
16:35Hi, I'm actually winning.
16:36Ok.
16:37Yeah.
16:37I could ride through it with a bike.
16:40Whoa.
16:40Whoa is right.
16:42What's the banner say?
16:43Oh, it has to say something.
16:46For the tournament of touch ball.
16:49Oh.
16:50Touch ball with a tuck that I clearly won.
16:53That's not what occurred.
16:55That's not what occurred.
16:55Absolutely is what happened.
16:56No, it's not what happened.
16:57Absolute liar.
16:58I wouldn't trust him.
16:59He's currently lying.
17:00I'm not saying he's a liar, but, sorry, they are lying right now.
17:03See?
17:04They're not a liar.
17:04You can't even get a gender right.
17:06I mean, that was a mistake I made, but it's not relevant.
17:08Hateful?
17:09Hateful.
17:09In terms of best, what is the best in humanity?
17:14Like beauty.
17:16Beauty's good.
17:16Oh, yeah.
17:17Hope.
17:18Hope's nice.
17:20Dross and Rhymes.
17:20We know that.
17:21Ok.
17:21It'll have a slander to the other team, won't it?
17:24Oh, really?
17:25So, who's your enemy team?
17:26A lady called .
17:28What would she do?
17:29She throws dog poo, I believe, on my front lawn, because I take great pride in my lawn.
17:34You believe that she does that?
17:36I can't prove it.
17:37It's really, her name really is .
17:39Maybe say a different name.
17:41Sue.
17:42Sue?
17:43Sue, leave the poo.
17:46We know it's you.
17:51Ok, Lisa Tom, whose banner are we going to start with?
17:54Like an actor named Eric, right before Chopper was released in 1999, a banner is about to burst, it's Rhys
17:59Nicholson.
18:01I'm becoming that John Mulaney bit where you run out of space.
18:10That's still good, that's still good, it's still good.
18:12Can you tell I was rejected from three art schools?
18:15You were rejected from three art schools?
18:17Well, I wasn't accepted and I will take, whenever I'm not accepted, I will take that as a rejection.
18:21I mean you should, that's what rejection means.
18:23Ok, well if we're going to talk like that, who would know more than you?
18:28I'm kinda happy with that.
18:31Really sweating?
18:42Yeah, touch ball!
18:45I won!
18:47You, you, you!
18:56Touch ball!
18:59Touch ball!
19:01Touch ball!
19:02Touch ball!
19:03Touch ball!
19:03Well Rhys, I must say, like when you were painting there and being mildly entertaining, you reminded me of Rolf
19:08Harris.
19:08Touch ball!
19:10No, no touch ball!
19:13I think it was mock humility when you said that you weren't very good at painting.
19:16I like arts and craft, I'm a crafty person, but I think craft is like, craft isn't always art is
19:22it? Craft is like, sometimes it can be cheese.
19:33Alright, whose banner bursting are we going to see next?
19:36Here's Mel Buddle.
19:38This banner is about one thing and one thing only, intimidation.
19:41Who am I intimidating?
19:42A woman called Sue.
19:43Sue!
19:44We know it's you!
19:46Exclamation mark.
19:47Scariest woman punctuation.
19:48Cease!
19:49Not please.
19:50Cease with the poo!
19:53Double exclamation mark.
19:54Thank you!
19:56Other intimidating things on the banner?
19:58Oh, a bit of maths.
19:59Good luck with that Sue.
20:00Two times X plus A.
20:03Scary!
20:03Come over here.
20:05Fraction 46 over 82.
20:07That's not going to work out.
20:07Sucked in idiot.
20:09Oh, the worst kind of maths long division.
20:11113.
20:12Scariest number.
20:13It's got 13 in it plus the biggest number in the world.
20:15100.
20:16Divided by 21.
20:17Good luck with that Sue.
20:18This woman's going to be quaking in her boots.
20:20Also, actual poo.
20:22So she knows what she's done.
20:31Axe.
20:32Intimidating.
20:32A dangerous weapon.
20:33Watch out, Sue.
20:36And then you stand with it, like, sexually.
20:38Because that's powerful.
20:43Cop that.
20:49Mel, that was a very intimidating presentation.
20:52After watching it, I feel like I'm on Sue's side.
20:56I'm just feeling like if this was a story on A Current Affair,
20:59you'd be the one featured in slow motion and black and white.
21:02Yeah, I know.
21:04And Sue would be walking on the beach going,
21:05I'm not sure what I've done wrong.
21:07Like, skipping a stone.
21:10Yeah.
21:11Okay.
21:12Well, we've got more banner bursting to go.
21:13But first, I'd like to welcome Team Advertising to the field.
21:16They've had a great run over the last six months and could really do some exciting things this postseason.
21:21We'll see you after this.
21:35Welcome back to Taskmaster, the show where five well-paid liberal elites are competing for Peter Hellyer's half-drunk margarita.
21:43Where were we?
21:44Our contestants are creating banners and then bursting through them.
21:47Both the banners themselves and the burst-throughs are being analysed by you.
21:51Okay.
21:51Who's next?
21:52He's been bursting out of his Lycra bike shorts since he's been wearing them in 2004.
21:56It's Peter Hellyer.
22:14My name's Tom Gleeson and I endorse this message.
22:20Ta-da!
22:23Pretty good.
22:25Oh, no way.
22:26It's you.
22:26It's me.
22:27The whole time.
22:28This whole banner is about promoting Tom to get another gold Logie.
22:32And what better way than to have a paper mache Tom Gleeson next to a spray painted Tom Gleeson.
22:38So it's a double Tom to promote a double gold Logie.
22:41Exactly right.
22:42Are we still in the burst-through?
22:46He's not burst-through enough.
22:52Ta-da!
22:56Great work, Pete.
22:57Thanks, Tom.
23:00Thanks, Pete.
23:01Thanks, Tom.
23:07So with the shape of that hole and you bursting through, it was a very disappointing version
23:11of the MGM lion.
23:13The alien.
23:13Well, I was going for the alien.
23:14The alien kind of thing bursting through the chest.
23:17Sorry about the fingers.
23:19So that was...
23:20Or...
23:21It's my pleasure.
23:31And if that helps you win another gold Logie, mate, it's my bloody pleasure.
23:35And you bloody deserve it, mate.
23:36I deserve it.
23:38I deserve it.
23:40I deserve it.
23:40He makes a good point.
23:42Another paper splitter, please.
23:43She's always bursting with something.
23:45It's Concetta Cristo.
23:58Tom, what's your middle name?
24:01James.
24:02Tom James Cashman, will you marry me and make me the happiest horse in the village?
24:13You're a horse?
24:14Yes.
24:14Oh.
24:16It's very flattering, but unfortunately I'm going to have to say no, because we're not
24:22in a romantic relationship.
24:25And just to vibe, Jet, you wouldn't be interested in that?
24:28I think you have a boyfriend.
24:30Yeah, I do.
24:33Alright.
24:36Thanks, Tom.
24:38Was the cartwheel cool?
24:40Yeah.
24:41Yeah.
24:44Why are you a horse?
24:46Huh?
24:47No, nothing.
24:58No, I'm free.
25:04That's the second time in the series you've proposed to Tom Cashman.
25:08He's all I've got.
25:10If I could propose to anyone else, I would.
25:14Either way, I'm saying Tom and Concetta.
25:19Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss.
25:22Alright.
25:25Yeah, well, I think the burst through was fantastic.
25:27I love the burst through, but I'm worried the message was just a bit basic.
25:30It felt more like a stage direction.
25:31You don't come right out and say it.
25:34I have to say it looking into his eyes.
25:37As a horse.
25:38As a horse?
25:39Can I just say, I think we're burying the lead.
25:41A horse was riding a f***ing trike.
25:47One more burst boy left.
25:48Will he burst into tears or burst through with tears?
25:51It's Aaron Chen.
25:52Describe to me one of your best days in your life.
25:55Because I kind of want to dedicate this to you.
25:57I won the Don Norley award in year 11.
26:00We're going to do something much better than that.
26:03Okay.
26:04Some of the best things, including race cars.
26:09Weaponry technologies.
26:10Are those planes or missiles?
26:12Missiles, yeah.
26:13Okay.
26:14A few minutes ago, the things that you thought were best were, I think, beauty and hope.
26:18And now we're focusing on Formula One cars and bombs.
26:21You have to defend beauty.
26:24Okay.
26:24So Don Norley is kind of like a sports award?
26:26Yep.
26:27What sports did you play?
26:29Basketball.
26:30Is there any extra points for wetters first?
26:33No.
26:34It looks like it's about Japan now.
26:37Mm.
26:38And then bombing.
26:39But now they're good at making race cars.
26:41Yep.
26:42Okay, so that is not allowed to be Japan anymore.
26:45I like this. You know why?
26:47Why?
26:47It's not a direct reference to the bombing of Hiroshima.
26:53This is a disaster, Tom.
26:55I'm going to write beauty and hope to salvage these points.
26:59Okay.
27:01Pretty good.
27:04So grab that end and we're going to take this outside.
27:08Oh.
27:10Is this your burst through?
27:11This is not the burst through.
27:12There's going to be a hollow bit on it.
27:14Okay.
27:15Yeah.
27:23Wow.
27:25This is the burst through.
27:26It will have to be.
27:29Do you want to do another one over this side?
27:46You got a good crowd reaction, but don't get confused.
27:50I feel like everything went wrong for you there.
27:53No one ever teaches you about, like, the viscosity of paint versus the thinness of paper, you know?
28:02Let's get to the message.
28:03The message was very confusing.
28:04It was a tribute to Tom Cashman winning the Don Northey Award.
28:08What's the Don Northey Award?
28:09The Don Northey Award was named after the deputy principal at the time.
28:12Most proficient player in any sport.
28:14Criteria based on skill, number of years played, and service to the sport.
28:17Can I just say that Tom's bragging about winning a sports award at a very academic focused high school.
28:24I was one of the only people who played any sport.
28:28Right.
28:29Can we see those banners one more time, please?
28:32All right.
28:33So I'll go through the banners first.
28:34Aaron's definitely on one.
28:35Conchetta on two, just because I found it a bit basic, the actual message.
28:39Mel's on three.
28:40And then I'm going to give Peter four for his banner, because I agreed with the message.
28:44But just due to the artwork alone, and also because it's about the nation's new favourite sport, touch ball.
28:51Reece gets five.
28:55Yeah.
28:56Now we have to analyse the burst throughs.
28:58It's no surprise, but Aaron's is one.
29:01And then I'm going to give Pete two.
29:03Mel's on three points.
29:04Reece, you're on four for your burst through.
29:06Had a guitar.
29:07Looked pretty cool.
29:07But the best burst through had to be...
29:09Conchetta on a trike.
29:13All right, Lester Tom, can you tally that up for us?
29:15We're going to be combining both rankings into a final ranking.
29:18So the overall scores for this task, we've got Aaron on one, obviously.
29:21Then we've got Mel and Pete with three points each.
29:24Conchetta with four.
29:25And the winner of the task is Reece with five points.
29:30We've got to go away and do some investigations into whether or not Don Northey is a real person.
29:36And explain to Tom Cashman why, if he is, we still don't give a shit.
29:40More tasks after the break.
29:53Welcome back to Taskmaster.
29:55So far, we've already been transported to Club Moist, as well as seeing Mel air her dog poo grievances.
30:02Lester Tom, what is the scoreboard looking like?
30:05Well, Mel should potentially hit the deuce to bulk up.
30:08She's on six.
30:09Then we've got Aaron Conchetta and Pete.
30:10They could spend a bit more time in the gym.
30:12But it's Reece who's flexing El Natural with a muscly 15 points.
30:19Let's have another task.
30:20Sure thing.
30:21I should apologise in advance for this one though, because we had a bit of a technical issue with the
30:24gravity.
30:37Oh, this looks good.
30:38Oh my God.
30:40Tom, I thought you were dead.
30:43How are you doing?
30:43Something weird has happened.
30:45Like gravity's all wrong.
30:46Yeah.
30:47Sorry, I've dropped the task on the ground.
30:54Okay.
30:56There's a bug on it.
30:59Make these scales register and flash the biggest weight.
31:03From the map.
31:05Map.
31:05Wait.
31:06From the mat.
31:07You cannot move the mat.
31:09You have 15 minutes.
31:11Highest registered weight wind.
31:13Your time starts now.
31:15Can you help me out?
31:16No, because I can't leave the mat.
31:18You're allowed to leave the mat.
31:19I'm sorry about that.
31:21That's okay.
31:21Look at you down there in the gutter where you belong.
31:23Up you pop.
31:24Now, how do I use these scales, Tom?
31:29Nice simple physical task.
31:30Stay on the mat.
31:31Apply pressure to the scales.
31:33Most pressure wins.
31:34Whose attempt are we going to see first?
31:36Do you smell that?
31:37It's a sort of peter-y smell.
31:39That's right.
31:40Peter-y smell.
31:43I can use anything in the Taskmaster Ranch.
31:47All the information you need is in the task.
31:50Is it too dumb and over-simple just to push something?
31:53Seems too simple to me.
31:54There you go.
31:55To get some things.
31:56Is that going to be long enough?
31:57Is there a reason you chose that particular one or was it either or?
32:02Nice.
32:03Thanks.
32:06Nah.
32:07So I've got to be on the mat.
32:09That's right.
32:09I cannot leave this mat.
32:11That's right.
32:11No leaving the mat.
32:12That's right.
32:13Oop.
32:14What?
32:16Here we go.
32:21Whoops, who would have foreseen that?
32:23Could I put something there?
32:25I mean...
32:26Yeah.
32:29Yeah, hold up, hold up.
32:30You need consistent weight.
32:33Okay, I've missed there.
32:35Yep.
32:38Is this good television?
32:40Depends how well you do.
32:44Still zero, unfortunately.
32:4520.5.
32:4719.5.
32:4721.1.
32:4820.1.
32:51And it's off.
32:5220.8.
32:5320.1.
32:5319.6.
32:5419.2.
32:5518.8.
32:56Push.
32:56I feel like I'm doing a home birth.
32:58I'm on the floor of a bathroom pushing.
33:00Do you want me to hold your hand?
33:01Epidural is what I'd like.
33:0319.6.
33:0419.1.
33:0518.5.
33:05You're reducing.
33:06This scale's no good.
33:08This is going to get consistent pressure?
33:09Yep.
33:15Zero.
33:16What's the time, Tom?
33:17Check your...
33:1750 seconds left.
33:1821.5.
33:1920.2.
33:20Tom, can you go and press that as hard as you can, please?
33:22Okay.
33:22Then can you press that with both hands with all your strength?
33:25Yeah.
33:257.4.
33:26Write that down.
33:2616.9.
33:2716.5 has been locked in.
33:3225.9.
33:35Did you register it from there?
33:37Yes, I did.
33:38With my voice.
33:38That's not really what registering means, though, is it?
33:40I can register to vote from my computer.
33:44Are you okay?
33:46Sure.
33:49So, Nell, you registered to wait from the map because you can register a vote on a computer.
33:55Just to register for something, anything, voting, if that's what you want to talk about.
34:00Um...
34:00You can get on the sex register from your laptop?
34:02Yes, you can.
34:04Is it wrong that when I heard the phrase sex register, I thought, where do I sign up?
34:12Now, Rhys and Pete, I feel like you picked the most obvious way to go at it.
34:16Do you think it will be enough?
34:17It felt like too much work.
34:18I didn't like this challenge, to be honest.
34:20I didn't like this task.
34:21I don't weigh myself a lot.
34:22There's enough bad news online.
34:24It was the most maddening task I think we'd gone through at that point.
34:28Like, I lost my f***ing mind.
34:32So, what are the results?
34:33Mel's weight was 7.4 kilograms.
34:36Pete, his weight was 16.5 kilograms.
34:39And Rhys' weight was 25.9 kilograms.
34:44Who do we get to see throwing their weight around next?
34:46The first two letters of his name are the types of batteries we put in the scales.
34:50It's Aaron Chan.
34:52You cannot move the mat.
34:54That's right.
34:55But you can move the scales.
34:57Can you?
35:07Easy.
35:10Yep.
35:12Yep.
35:18Is there a reading?
35:20Yeah, it's just...
35:21They're just 20 and a half kilos.
35:24Alright, we're gonna try it cold.
35:3118.2.
35:32I wonder why that's 18.2 kilos.
35:35Does seem a bit low, doesn't it?
35:37Should I go more onto it in the middle?
35:39Yeah.
35:40More.
35:41Yes.
35:43It says 39.8.
35:44And it's in pounds.
35:45Is pounds heavier?
35:48I think it's close to broken.
35:50I'll get a safety one.
35:56Zero kilos.
35:58You weigh nothing?
35:59Yep.
36:00It's a keto.
36:01One second.
36:03How do you think you went?
36:05I didn't consider the machine breaking.
36:09See you later, Tom.
36:16So, Aaron, in a previous episode, you were very concerned about property damage.
36:22Because lesser Tom here damaged a lock on a shed.
36:25Well, after Tom had done that heinous crime, I started committing the crimes that were modelled to me.
36:36So, what was the best measurement he got?
36:38Because there are a few different measurements.
36:40None of them, I think, were the weight of the truck.
36:43Not even close.
36:4439.2 pounds, which you asked whether that's more than kilos.
36:48The answer is no.
36:50Then we had two and a half stone, which was 15.8 kilograms.
36:54Then we had zero kilograms.
36:56At that point, you'd broken the scales.
36:58But the first registration was 20.5 kilograms.
37:02You didn't take the soggy ground into account?
37:04I did not consider that at the time, Your Honour.
37:09And I did think about that a lot when the task was finished.
37:15That came to me kind of like Einstein.
37:18But instead of an apple, it was mud.
37:22What was the relevance of the apple to Einstein?
37:30What was the difference I asked about?
37:31Aren't you supposed to be on the mat the whole time?
37:33You didn't have to be on the mat the whole time.
37:35The weight needed to be registered from the mat.
37:37Yeah, that's many ways to interpret it anyway.
37:43There's one more scale poker or prodder to come.
37:46Why not go and weigh yourself and then your car and feel good about yourself.
37:49See you after the break.
37:59Look, I know you're watching it now, but how about watching more later?
38:02Catch every moment of triumph and utter humiliation of Taskmaster Australia
38:06with full episodes at 10play.com.au or the 10play app.
38:15Come on back inside.
38:17Leave your slippers at the door.
38:19Tie the cords of your Jim Jams and settle in for story time.
38:23What are we doing, Tom Cash Converters Man?
38:26The contestants are trying to register a weight from the mat on scales
38:30that are up against a wall slash bathroom floor.
38:33Okay, who's up next, Pookie?
38:36I love it when you call me that.
38:38It's Concetta Caristo.
38:40Can you go on there?
38:45What the for? Can we go on together?
38:50Shit, she's coming up dry.
38:52Can I use anything?
38:53All the information you need is in the task.
38:56Feels like we're moving in together.
38:58Where should we put the bar?
38:59Usually the bathroom, right?
39:00I want it in the lounge room.
39:02Is this a dumb joke?
39:04Is it on?
39:06Oh, it's not on.
39:07Are you serious?
39:08Are you stupid?
39:12Wasting my start of the time again.
39:15You old bollocks.
39:17Well, that can't weigh zero points.
39:20I'm gonna kill you.
39:21I'm losing my mind.
39:24Come on.
39:25Help me.
39:26What's going on?
39:28Why is this not showing up?
39:32This is stupid.
39:34Is this broken?
39:35Tom!
39:38Get in it.
39:41Tom, it's on zero.
39:42Just tell me this is normal.
39:45What about this is normal?
39:48What's heavy?
39:49I don't know.
39:50Come on, you old thing.
39:53What's the trick?
39:55What is going on?
39:56Can I move a car on it?
39:58We can move the car on.
39:59Are you serious?
39:59Then let's go!
40:00Okay, you wanna move the car?
40:01Yes!
40:02Okay.
40:02Tom?
40:06Tom?
40:07I'm gonna cry!
40:09Do you want me to get on the truck?
40:12This is a freaking joke.
40:14I'm laughing.
40:16Oh!
40:20F***!
40:23That's good.
40:24Whatever.
40:26Can you give me the draw?
40:2830 seconds.
40:29Oh, my God.
40:30Oh, my God.
40:31Oh, my God.
40:31Quick!
40:3610 seconds.
40:37No!
40:38This is gonna f***ing hurt!
40:44Thanks, Winchetta.
40:45This was broken.
40:47Just so you know, this whole thing's broken.
41:03So, did I win?
41:07You know what I'm just realising?
41:08That was just a mat on the floor.
41:12Oh, God!
41:14Can you think about these idiots being like,
41:16oh, they're so hard, it broke my brain.
41:18Well, what about me?
41:21It literally broke me!
41:24And I was so mad at you, Tom.
41:25And you know I love you, but I wanted to bring you a little neck!
41:30Probably the hardest I've ever had to try not to laugh in my life.
41:35You just kept going at it.
41:36I'm just trying to...
41:38That's how I just...
41:38So, I'm trying to picture it.
41:39Because I'm thinking it's a generation gap.
41:41Like, for me, I'd be like, well, there are no cords.
41:44But, like, for you, you're like, oh, it's Bluetooth or something.
41:47It's connected.
41:48Like, how is it connected, or...?
41:50I believe so wholeheartedly in the Taskmaster franchise.
41:55And the technology that they have that I'm not privy to.
42:00And I thought, there's...
42:03Like, I thought...
42:05Like, the NPM.
42:06There's, like, cables through the floor.
42:08And I just, like, needed to just try harder.
42:12Do you know how much it broke my heart to watch Aaron just take it off the floor?
42:17Oh, my God.
42:18Alright.
42:19Well, I think we need some final scores there.
42:21Obviously.
42:21One point for Conchetta.
42:23Two for Mel.
42:24Three for Pete.
42:25Four for Aaron.
42:25And the winner of the Task, with 25.9 kilograms, it's Rhys with five points.
42:32Alright.
42:33And how does that shape things up for tonight's episode?
42:36Mel is drooling it back on eight.
42:38And Rhys is drooling it on 20.
42:40Sorry for saying a mean thing about you, Mel.
42:43Alright.
42:45We'd better keep moving before Conchetta starts stomping and screaming at the scoreboard for not changing.
42:50Get on up there for the live task!
42:58Okay, Lester Tom, ease us into these easels.
43:01Well, first, could our contestants please choose a random easel?
43:06No, no.
43:09Please read that.
43:11Draw either a line graph about lines, or a bar graph about bars, or a column graph about columns, or
43:21a pie graph about pies, or a bubble graph about bubbles.
43:26Your graph type and subject has been determined by the easel you have stood beside.
43:34You have 90 seconds.
43:36Your time starts on Tom's whistle.
43:39Whistle.
43:40Alright, we ready?
43:42Oh, you piece of shit.
43:44Okay.
43:45So, Aaron has a bar graph, Mel is a bubble graph, Pete is a column graph, Conchetta is a line
43:51graph, and Rhys is a pie graph.
43:54Five seconds.
44:00Oh, no.
44:02Aaron.
44:03Aaron.
44:03Look.
44:06Should I read it?
44:07Yeah.
44:09Each contestant must step one easel to the left, explain the graph on your new easel.
44:17Best explanation wins.
44:19You have 30 seconds each to explain your new easel.
44:22Your time starts on Tom's whistle.
44:25Alright, Conchetta, you're first.
44:26Hello.
44:27Hello, friends.
44:28This graph is both honourable and clear.
44:30This is a pie graph of the amount of pies that I've eaten and what time I ate them.
44:36So, the majority, I'd say that's 90% was during COVID lockdowns.
44:40And then the sliver, maybe 10%, was all other time.
44:44So, I ate a lot clearly during COVID lockdowns and I don't eat them many times because they're crazy.
44:54Aaron.
44:56Size of bubbles.
44:57Thanks for asking.
45:01So, the size of a bubble, every bubble changes over its lifetime.
45:06For example...
45:11Goes from small to big and then small again.
45:16That happens in all facets of life, even in the bath.
45:23Mel.
45:25Okay, eyes need to be up here.
45:26No talking, Lachlan.
45:27Watching you.
45:28Okay.
45:29So, that's a first warning.
45:31Next time is a phone call home.
45:33Columns of the world.
45:36That's right.
45:37That's what we're doing today and what we have been doing all term.
45:40So, the columns that you may use on your test are tall column, medium column, short column, really small column.
45:48That's awesome.
45:51Rhys.
45:52Hello, Weight Watchers.
45:54As we see here, I've had a pretty rough week.
45:58And this is what I've consumed mostly.
46:00I've loved Kit Kats.
46:01Are they for friends and someone else?
46:04Nah, I've eaten them all myself.
46:06I thought I was eating a Snickers.
46:08No, it was just a picnic.
46:10Yep.
46:13Heaps.
46:14This is great about how I feel about line dancing and what it does to me, okay?
46:18Everyone's different.
46:18Let me be clear on that.
46:19This is how good I feel, the vibes, and this is how long I'm line dancing for.
46:24So, as you can see, when I start off line dancing, I'm kind of, I'm not really feeling it.
46:29I'm like, I'm not sure I'll be, but hang on, the longer I do it, here we go.
46:35Here we go.
46:36Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
46:38I love that thing!
46:41Oh, my God!
46:44All right, we'll find out who the winner is after this, because I've just seen a graph from the Channel
46:4710 Sales Department and we need these ads.
46:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:00Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia.
47:03If you're joining us now, you've basically just skipped to the last page of a brand new book
47:07and all your favourite characters have died and been replaced by AI androids
47:12who understand most things except love, poorly drawn graphs and bathroom scales.
47:17I suppose I'd better score the live task we just witnessed.
47:21Just to be clear, I'm judging the explanation of the graphs.
47:24Best explanation wins.
47:26Straight away, it's pretty easy.
47:28I'm going to give Rhys one, because it was self-evidently shit.
47:32Then I'm going to give Conchetta two.
47:34It was a good explanation, but a very simple one.
47:36I'm going to give Aaron three, because he found more detail in the graph than I had noticed just looking
47:42at it.
47:43Then I'm going to give Mel four points, because the school teacher skills came straight to the front.
47:48And I think just for sheer entertainment, I've got to give five points to Peter Hellyer.
47:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:56But who tonight has won our episode, or let's be honest, lost by the least?
48:02Well, in fifth place we've got Conchetta with 11 points.
48:05Then we've got Mel with 12, Aaron with 16, Pete with 20, but winning by one point, it's Rhys Nicholson
48:10with 21 points.
48:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
48:13All right, congratulations Rhys, go on up the stage and face off with your five meant to be faceless paste
48:21items.
48:23Whilst Rhys gets close to their precious haul and realises that despite the numerous advances in neural mechanics,
48:30cold toast is still a pretty shitty prize, can we have the overall season scores so far?
48:34Yeah, well I'd probably give Summer a five, probably give Autumn four.
48:41Yeah!
48:43Oh, for the show. Oh, for the show.
48:47I'd be happy for you to drive from A to B again.
48:51Conchetta and Rhys are tied leaders for the series with 65 points each.
48:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
48:58OK, and that brings us to the end of another episode of Taskmaster Australia.
49:04But what have we learnt here today?
49:06Well, we've learnt that even if Lesser Tom is allowed into a nightclub, he'll be asked to leave soon after.
49:12We've learnt that the tensile strength of Butcher's paper is no match for three kilograms of paint.
49:19And we've learnt that when it comes to scales, Conchetta truly does believe in magic.
49:24LAUGHTER
49:26But most importantly, we've learnt that Rhys is the winner of this episode.
49:31We'll see you next time. Good night.
49:35APPLAUSE
49:49How do you even do this bullshit?
49:51Oh, fuck!
49:54Tom, you stink and you look like an idiot.
49:57Fuck you!
49:58I'm having a full-blown mental breakdown, Tom.
50:00Keep the trauma at a level that we don't have to give out the Lifeline number, OK?
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