Oynatıcıya atlaAna içeriğe atla
Sharonian746
  • 4 saat önce
Taskmaster AU S03E03

Kategori

😹
Eğlence
Döküm
00:03Nooooooooooo!
00:05Ahhh!
00:10Noooo!
00:13Noooo!
00:14Please leave it!
00:27Is this good television?
00:39Hello everyone and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:43My name's Tom Gleeson and whilst the audience here know that,
00:46it is not the name they've been chanting for hours outside this studio.
00:50That name ringing across the queue as well as in the hearts and minds of the nation
00:54has been and will always be the Taskmaster.
01:00Joining me tonight are five comedic folk of varying profiles, height and grasps on why they're here
01:05who are vying to compete for a piece of art melted down from stolen artefacts.
01:11The statue of my golden head.
01:16They are Aaron Chen,
01:20Concetta Caristo,
01:23Mel Buttle,
01:25Peter Hellyer
01:27and Rhys Nicholson.
01:32And as always, here to make sure no-one steals my shoes while I nap in the ad breaks,
01:38it's my assistant, Tom Cashman.
01:44Lessa Tom, kick us off, will you?
01:46Well, our first task is a prize task.
01:48Each of our contestants have brought in a prize and the person who wins tonight's episode
01:52will take home all five prizes.
01:54Tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in the quaintest thing.
01:59Okay, first up, Peter, what have you got?
02:02Well, when I think quaint, I think of my nan and I was going to bring her tea cozy in,
02:07but I thought that's not enough for Taskmaster.
02:09So I brought her tea cozy in,
02:11but I put it on the urn of her ashes.
02:19And to make it clear, my nan was alive three days ago.
02:25That's how much this means to me, Tom!
02:27Okay.
02:27So just to be clear,
02:29you think that the tea cozy on top of the ashes is quaint, not the death?
02:33The death was quite quaint, actually.
02:35It was a knitting accident.
02:39Alright, Mel, what have you got?
02:40Oh, we're going back to the oldie, oldie days.
02:43I have brought along a calculator that's on a lanyard and it's pink.
02:54Do all three things add to the quaintness?
02:57100% Big Daddy, yes.
03:01That colour is super, like, early 90s.
03:04The fact that a calculator that's already portable
03:06has been made into perhaps a fashion item, if you wish.
03:11Super quaint.
03:12Okay, Conchetta, what did you bring in?
03:13I brought in Stamp News.
03:16It's a monthly magazine for stamp collectors.
03:19Okay.
03:19Do you have any idea what was going on in the stamp world in June of 1971?
03:23War.
03:27Aaron, what did you bring in?
03:28Well, I don't know if it's really quaint or not, but I got actually married recently
03:35to pursue a quieter life and my wife has a miniature schnauzer that she treasures who
03:43loves the countryside and my dad has taken up an oil painting.
03:49I commissioned one.
03:55It's really good.
03:57It's very adorable, but is it quaint, Aaron?
03:59I don't know.
04:00Is it?
04:01Well, I feel like on the way through you're really trying to upsize the quaintness of it.
04:05I think the countryside bit was not true.
04:09I live in the country now.
04:11Which part?
04:12Australia.
04:17All right, Rhys, what did you bring in?
04:21Quaint, I think, kind of adorably old-timey.
04:24And so I've brought for you a straight white man who works in a family-run tool shop.
04:36Well, you said he was a straight white man.
04:38Why is being straight quaint?
04:39Well, who's doing that anymore?
04:42Um, the majority.
04:45It seems very boring to me.
04:47I'm not hating straight culture.
04:48I think it's a fascinating group of people with your harsh fabrics and your violence.
04:55I don't mind it behind closed doors, but I don't want it shoved down my throat.
05:02I feel like Rhys is on one.
05:04I had to hire an actor for that.
05:07Oh, thanks for confirming it's not even true.
05:12Also, I'm not sure a calculator at the end of a lanyard's that quaint.
05:16So two points to Mel.
05:17I'm worried that we're going to be endorsing the idea that Peter Hellyer's grandmother's death was quaint.
05:21Even though he pointed it out.
05:23Are you saying my nan died for three points?
05:30It's a dangerous message you're sending, mate.
05:32It really is.
05:32Well, I'm sticking to my guns.
05:33It's three points.
05:34Four points to Conchetta for The Stamp Magazine.
05:36But I think we have to agree the quaintest offering tonight was from Aaron Chen.
05:41Five points!
05:43Okay.
05:44A task proper, Lisseton.
05:46Very well.
05:47But you're going to want to sit down for this one.
05:48Maybe.
06:04Hey, Benjuice.
06:05How's it going?
06:06Oh, okay.
06:09Alan Kayes.
06:09Okay, just open the freaking envelope.
06:14Make yourself into a stylish yet functional piece of furniture.
06:17Most stylish yet functional piece of furniture wins.
06:21Tom will use furniture, you, for its intended purpose in 30 minutes.
06:27Your time starts now.
06:31What is furniture?
06:33The movable articles that are used to make a room or building suitable for living or working in.
06:37That's me in a nutshell.
06:39Let's name some types of furniture.
06:40Desk.
06:41Table.
06:41We've got a chair.
06:43Before we continue, can we address something?
06:45This is a normal pencil.
06:46I'm so tiny.
06:48Bench.
06:49Wardrobe.
06:50A mattress.
06:51My old nickname in high school.
06:53I'm not being a mattress, a sick bastard.
06:55I'm just reading the list of...
06:57If I was a chair, you'd have to sit on me.
06:58We're not doing that.
06:59Do you have a collection of anything?
07:01Do you have stuff that you would like to store?
07:03I used to collect business guards when I was a child.
07:06Oh, mate.
07:06That's the grimmest thing I've ever heard in my life.
07:09Is a lamp furniture?
07:11Hi.
07:12Are you out of breath?
07:13No.
07:13Wait, am I allowed to be?
07:16Yeah, I am.
07:17I mean, to turn on the lamp, you have to turn on the lamp?
07:22Yes, you do.
07:22That's your job.
07:25Is this giving you the same type of thrill your business cards did?
07:28I don't think I've felt that thrill until I put all 640 in the bin.
07:34640?
07:36Milk.
07:37Fanta.
07:38Generic orange drink.
07:39Orange drink.
07:41Generic white drink.
07:42You can say milk.
07:43Oh, okay.
07:44Sorry.
07:45All you need to do is make sure that you use me properly.
07:48Get ready to slurp.
07:49Get slurps up, mate.
07:56Do you want to know about my business card collection?
07:58Don't.
07:58Don't.
07:59I've done this.
08:00You need more information.
08:02You actually had a business card collection.
08:04I had them in like a photo album with like my favourites in there and then I had a second
08:08bit for the second tier.
08:11And I got rid of them because when I was like eight, I remember asking my dad, dad, do you
08:15reckon I've got the biggest business card collection in the world?
08:18And my dad was like, oh, sometimes at conferences people will just put their business cards into
08:21like a big thing for a competition.
08:23And I reckon there's probably more in there than you've got.
08:27So I just went and put all of them in the bin.
08:31Even the A tier ones.
08:35I kept the A tier ones.
08:39You're like that guy in the movie Psycho.
08:43All right, who's stylish yet functional furniture selves should we see first?
08:47When it comes to furniture, like a waterbed, these two are getting to an age where they're
08:51cool again.
08:52It's Mel and Pete.
08:54Oh, it's good to be home.
08:56But it's a bit dark in here.
08:58God, I should turn the lamp on.
09:04I'm not sure how to turn on this lamp.
09:06Look on the desk.
09:09To use this very functional lamp, play a dainty tune on the red recorder and then say out loud,
09:16give me light, lampy.
09:17I predict that you've had a big day.
09:19And so I brought home two butter chickens instead of one.
09:24There we go.
09:24I've turned the lamp on.
09:30Give me light, lampy.
09:35Light is coming.
09:38Look at you, God, you're gorgeous.
09:39You're fascinating, aren't you?
09:40A big, tall drink of water and walked right on in there on those two feet.
09:44Wow, the charm is really lighting up the room.
09:47But it also has a shade.
09:49Uh-oh, nice whistle, bitch.
09:51What are you, a PE teacher, bus driver, teacher aide?
09:54Is that what you need a whistle for?
09:56One more time.
09:57It wasn't dainty enough.
09:58Okay.
10:04Give me light, lampy.
10:06Wow, really quick this time.
10:08I really want to turn this lamp off.
10:11I always wear transition lenses.
10:14It's not helped by the fact that it's in front of quite a functional lamp.
10:18Shining quite brightly.
10:22It's movable.
10:24People say functionality can't be fun.
10:26I put the fun in functionality.
10:30What was the style element?
10:33What?
10:35Thanks, Tom.
10:36Thanks, Mel.
10:37You're not taking this with you.
10:39No thanks.
10:46Pete, were you stylish?
10:48Yes.
10:49Yes.
10:49I was stylish.
10:51I mean, he surprised me by being able to play a jaunty tune.
10:54Actually, that shocked me.
10:56Were you trying to wrong foot him by asking him to play the recorder?
10:59Well, there was a note on the table and he missed the note.
11:02He was like fumbling around my pants and stuff.
11:04No, mate, this is...
11:05I apologise.
11:06Yeah.
11:06I was doing what I usually do with a normal lamp is try to find where it is that you
11:12turn it on.
11:12This is this stylish, mate.
11:15So you're saying it was more functional for a lamp to have a note written by the lamp on the
11:19table and turn it on.
11:20That doesn't sound functional to me.
11:22Yeah, I guess what I'm hoping for at this stage is the others have f***ed up their task.
11:27The more stylish a lamp, the harder it is to...
11:29Like, when you're in a nice hotel, it's hard to turn on the lamp sometimes.
11:32I agree.
11:33Like, when I'm staying at a really nice hotel, often I say,
11:35look at that middle-aged man in the corner with a lamp's head on his head.
11:39I hope there's a laborious way of turning him on.
11:41Oh, great.
11:42There's a note on the table and then I read it at length and I'm still in the dark so
11:46I can barely read it.
11:48It's a bloody nightmare.
11:49You weren't stylish and you weren't functional.
11:52So, Mel, compared to Pete, you were very stylish.
11:56That's not saying much.
11:57Thanks.
11:57Now, if two curries turn you on, what does three do?
12:01That's a mop and bucket situation.
12:10Same thing happens when Lesser Tom sees a few business cards.
12:14It's time for some advertisements.
12:16More nonsense flat-packed into human comedian for next.
12:31Welcome back to Taskmaster, where five Australian comedians are finally doing something useful
12:36with their lives by turning themselves into furniture.
12:39That's right.
12:39They've replaced wood with flesh and screws with bones and lampshades with lampshades.
12:46Here's three more.
12:47I picked up off Gumtree for a steal and chucked in the back of my ute, consensually.
12:52It's Aaron, Concetta and Rhys.
12:54Wow, I'm so thirsty after a long day.
12:56I need something now from my stylish yet functional minibar.
13:10Why don't you get into bed?
13:12Hi, Tom.
13:15Oh, shit.
13:17Hi, Tom.
13:21Oh, my God.
13:23The minibar talks?
13:25Yeah.
13:25It's got the internet.
13:26Look at my cool sunglasses.
13:28Oh, they're quite stylish.
13:30They're very stylish.
13:33Tom, welcome.
13:38Have a drink.
13:39Have a drink?
13:40Maybe the white one.
13:41Oh, the white drink was spilled earlier.
13:43Don't cry over spilled milk.
13:45Okay.
13:46It tells jokes as well.
13:49Great.
13:49When the moon hits your eyes like a big pizza pie, that's amore.
13:57Oh, good-bye, Tom, in the function of Sally's bed.
14:06Mmm.
14:07No?
14:08Well.
14:09Delicious.
14:10We can add anything you want to it.
14:13Can it love?
14:14I think I'm good to get out of bed right now, if I'm honest.
14:18Oh, then I'll play the alarm.
14:20Wake up, Tom.
14:21Wake up.
14:22It's time to get up, Tom.
14:24Out of bed.
14:26Is this...
14:27This is love?
14:27Yeah.
14:29Okay.
14:30Mm-hmm.
14:31Right.
14:31Thanks.
14:32Yep.
14:33Oh.
14:34That's detachable.
14:35Okay.
14:36I did it.
14:38Ha-ha.
14:40Thanks, Rhys.
14:41Thanks, Tom.
14:42Okay, thank you.
14:44Oh, my God, we should do...
14:45I mean, we shouldn't, but, like...
14:48That's, you know...
14:49Doesn't have much to do with the task.
14:51No.
14:55So, we had a plastic tablecloth, a rotting ladder,
14:58and a white sheet with a hole in it.
15:01Ah, the lamps are looking pretty good.
15:03We're back, we're back.
15:04We're back, baby.
15:05You look like the underside of a massage table, Rhys.
15:08That is the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
15:11I must say, you did look stylish.
15:13In fact, I feel like you're the only one who put in any effort at all,
15:16and by effort, I mean you put on some cool sunnies.
15:19Going from one end of the style spectrum to the other,
15:22um, Aaron.
15:24Tell me what was stylish about your presentation.
15:26It, um, rustic.
15:29Yeah.
15:30And...
15:33I could go on.
15:38Now, Concetta, is there any part of your personality that's not Italian?
15:44Keeps being brought up.
15:45Yeah, I just went with my roots and my genes.
15:48Well, I think one of the flaws of your presentation
15:50is also one of your flaws as a person.
15:53Um...
15:54In the...
15:55You were a bit too giggly.
15:58And as a table, that's a disadvantage.
16:01I know, it's a horrible flaw.
16:03Okay, so we're looking for functional and stylish.
16:06That's it.
16:06Well, that's very easy.
16:07Aaron's on one, because he was neither functional or stylish.
16:10Okay.
16:11I'm gonna have to give Pete two.
16:12He wasn't stylish, because he was dressed like he always is.
16:16With a lampshade on his head.
16:18Well, out of the two lamps, I think Mel was more stylish, slightly.
16:21Um, I'm gonna have to say I quite liked, uh, Concetta's table.
16:24Four points.
16:24But the most stylish, definitely, was the upside-down massage table,
16:28which was Reece Nicholson with five.
16:33What?
16:34All right, my pink lanyard calculator.
16:37Do some maths.
16:37Who's winning?
16:38Well, if it was a competition for losing,
16:40then Mel and Pete would be winning on five each.
16:43And Concetta would be losing disgracefully with eight points.
16:46You're winning.
16:47Oh!
16:50Okay, just proceed as per the format of the show, Lesser Tom.
16:53The next one sees me, and the contestants go toe-to-toe.
17:10It'd be much easier if you move the caravan closer to the house, by the way.
17:13That's fine.
17:14I'll walk.
17:19Hi, Rose.
17:20Hello.
17:21Wow!
17:22Football, the beautiful game.
17:24You want to play?
17:25Yeah, I love this game.
17:30Oh.
17:32I guess I won.
17:34Time for the task.
17:35Let's have a look.
17:36Create an original two-player sport and play against Tom.
17:41You and Tom must play your sport for five minutes maximum.
17:45Most original sport wins.
17:47However, if Tom beats you, you will lose two points.
17:53You have 20 minutes to plan your sport.
17:56Time starts now.
17:57Okay.
17:58Boom, he's pressed it.
17:59Sport.
18:00What even is sport?
18:02You're not going to win the game.
18:04You don't even know what the game is?
18:06You're not going to win, mate.
18:11Okay, five comedians trying to do sport.
18:14I wonder how this is going to go.
18:16Which athlete are we going to see first?
18:18They ask the question, what even is sport?
18:20Which surely bodes well.
18:21It's Rhys Nicholson.
18:23I think I want to call the sport touch ball.
18:26That's the ball.
18:27That's the ball.
18:28You've got to touch it with this.
18:30Okay.
18:31Touch ball.
18:32Welcome, everyone, to the first annual touch ball tournament.
18:40Rules are simple.
18:41The ball wanter will be blindfolded for 90 seconds.
18:46The ball toucher has to keep the ball safe and untouched by the ball wanter for five minutes.
18:53So I reckon we begin.
18:54And go.
19:19Let's go.
19:2823, 22.
19:30Oh, my God.
19:32Are you going to do it?
19:33No!
19:34No!
19:36No!
19:41No!
19:46Congratulations.
19:48You're the new ball toucher.
19:51I'm the ball toucher.
19:53Feels good.
19:54I feel terrible.
20:01So, Alyssa, Tom, you won.
20:03You know what would be written on my business card now?
20:06Victorious.
20:08Or ball toucher.
20:09Ball toucher.
20:11Yeah.
20:12Well, first up, I've just got to say, Rhys, how did you get through all of that with no double
20:17entendre?
20:17That was a very disciplined effort from you.
20:19That was a very disciplined effort from you.
20:20It was hard.
20:22There we go.
20:23Back on track.
20:25Something, something, gay.
20:27Which sporting pioneer are we going to see next?
20:30It's semi-professional spectator Peter Hellyer.
20:32Drop bears are famous in Australia, but what about the reverse?
20:36Throwing bears up.
20:37Reverse drop bear.
20:38Reverse drop bear.
20:39All right, let's do it.
20:44Welcome to everyone watching around the world to reverse drop bear.
20:47Here with Tom Cash.
20:48You must be looking forward to this one again.
20:50I was not familiar with this game until quite recently.
20:52You and your jokes.
20:53Of course, the rules are you need to use this paddle to hit a koala back up a tree.
20:59You get three attempts.
21:00Of course, you know this.
21:01I'll go first.
21:02Okay.
21:05Oh, it came down.
21:06Bloody hell.
21:07I'm going to go higher, I think.
21:09Okay.
21:11Oh, bloody.
21:12Have you played before?
21:13Yeah, yeah, I have.
21:15Oh, no, no.
21:17You go, have a go.
21:17Okay.
21:18The door's open.
21:19Wide open.
21:19This is embarrassing for me.
21:20Oh, I'm not.
21:21No, I'm not.
21:21Okay.
21:25That was a good technique, actually.
21:27It's a fun game, though, isn't it?
21:28Look at the smile on your face.
21:29You're loving it.
21:32You are.
21:33He loves it.
21:34What a fun game.
21:36It's a fun game, I told you.
21:39Oh, it's a big one.
21:43You just won reverse drop there.
21:47He loves it, too.
21:49Thanks, babe.
21:50Fun game.
21:54Hang on.
21:55Are you turning into a winner?
21:58Because as far as I can see, that's two from two.
22:00Mm-hmm.
22:01Or is it?
22:01Are you sure, Pete?
22:02Like, you're the inventor of reverse drop bear, and I feel like you said, hit the bear into
22:07the tree.
22:08Yeah.
22:09And I don't think he hit it.
22:10I think it was more of a catapult action.
22:13Absolutely.
22:13And this has been a massive controversy.
22:15Um, I mean, I think probably later on the points went back to me, because that was, that was
22:21illegal.
22:21Are you sure, though?
22:22Because I feel like I should defer to you, and I do remember you in the clip saying very
22:26clearly, you won.
22:30But Tom...
22:31You did.
22:31I understand.
22:31You said congratulations.
22:33He shook his hand.
22:34Please.
22:35We are out in the field.
22:36You are in a studio.
22:37It is tough out there.
22:39I am creating the sport.
22:41Yep.
22:42I am commentating.
22:43Yep.
22:43And I'm obviously not officiating as well as I should have been.
22:46When you were commentating, you said, great technique.
22:51Yeah, you did.
22:52Well, I didn't think you were going to show that bit, did I?
22:56All right.
22:57Sport me sport.
22:58This next contestant said he'd win before the game even existed.
23:01How will he fare when it does?
23:02It's Aaron Chen.
23:03This is a sport that asks the questions, what if penalty shootouts were in three different
23:09sports?
23:10Mm.
23:11Table tennis, basketball, and yoga.
23:15Best of three.
23:16During play, you can only stand in your cardboarded area.
23:20First serve, it's going to hit the shell.
23:22It's a two-fault rule.
23:23Okay.
23:23Skateboard toss to decide who serves.
23:26Wheels up.
23:30Wheels down, unfortunately.
23:32Okay.
23:34Yeah, so I serve again.
23:36I'm serving for the game.
23:38The coin toss was to determine who serves.
23:41For the whole game.
23:42For the whole game.
23:44So that's one nil.
23:46So this is your sport, basketball.
23:49Oh, that's a fault.
23:59That's your point.
24:00So it comes down to the final round.
24:02And now I'm regretting serving on this one.
24:05It's quite difficult.
24:06Double...
24:10See, that's...
24:11Psych!
24:13So it's a reset.
24:15Oh, that's a fault.
24:17Fault.
24:18Oh, my gosh.
24:19Double fault.
24:21Is that the end of the game?
24:22Yeah.
24:23Well played.
24:24How do you think you went?
24:25Not good.
24:27What's the name of this sport we've just played?
24:29Table tennis, basketball and yoga, but much more original.
24:37So is that three from three?
24:39My God.
24:41So, Aaron, can you please explain the rules to table tennis, basketball and yoga, but much
24:47more original?
24:49So the first rule is that it states that it's the most original sport ever created.
24:56And that's in the lore of the game.
24:59And the second rule is that if you win the game, you actually lose.
25:07Really?
25:08Yeah.
25:09All right.
25:09Now it's time for another completely original sport involving you versus consumerism.
25:15Just try to resist.
25:26Welcome back to Class Faster, where our comedians are competing for the eternal drapery of Pete's
25:33Nana's hatches.
25:35Lesser Tom, what are we doing?
25:37Our contestants are trying to create the most original sport.
25:40They are deducted two points if I beat them at said sport.
25:44So far, I am three from three.
25:45Who's next?
25:46We've just found out she's Italian.
25:48It's Concerta Carista.
25:50Hello, and welcome to Phone Slap, the newest sport craze that's driving the kids wild.
25:58All you need is two top hats, two old rotary phones and three balls of wool.
26:06How do you play the game, you ask?
26:07Well, you grab your phone and you must hit the ball, yarns of wool into the top hat as much
26:15as you can.
26:15If you get it in, you must say...
26:18Hats off to you.
26:19The opponent, if they can throw their yarn of wool into the bath, points, no points, and then
26:30I get the point, and then that goes until someone gets one point.
26:35Oh, one time only kind of deal.
26:38Off we go.
26:39Rat!
26:47That's it!
26:48What?
26:51Hats off to you.
26:52I beat you!
26:53I beat you!
26:54Ryan went in before you said that.
26:56Hats off to you.
26:57Congratulations to you.
27:04You didn't win, Lesser Tom.
27:06I did not win.
27:07I forgot that I had to say hats off to you, and frankly, I panicked.
27:12What a game!
27:14Yeah.
27:15Talk us through the character choice.
27:16I'm not sure it added to the game.
27:18Well, I think England, they're a crazy bunch, but they are known for their fancy sports.
27:24Croquet, cricket, horse.
27:27Horse stuff.
27:29They've got that great sport, horse.
27:32Final quarter time, who's our would-be buzzer beater, Tom?
27:36She's been a great sport.
27:37If the aim of that sport is to be a bit mean to me, it's Mel Bottle.
27:42Welcome to the fantastic sport of rowing whilst flowing.
27:48Yay!
27:49This is a freestyle rap rowing contest.
27:53You must be flowing whilst you're rowing.
27:55If your flow stops, your row stops.
27:57Your job is to row whilst flowing around the lily pads and cross the finish line here,
28:03which is the end of the lily pads.
28:05We'll be given a one-word prompt to start your freestyle rap.
28:08You'll be going first because you're my guest.
28:11Tom, your randomly generated word is cemetery.
28:16I'm rocking in a cemetery.
28:19I'm not being sedentary.
28:21I'm rowing in a boat.
28:23This is bigger than a moat.
28:25It's a lagoon.
28:28Excuse me, you have stopped flowing, but you're still rowing.
28:30I don't know the direction.
28:32I don't have an erection.
28:34Thank God.
28:35But neither my...
28:36How is this so bad?
28:38I don't understand.
28:40I'm now going the wrong way once again.
28:43Stop it.
28:46And time is up.
28:48How do you think you went?
28:50That is probably the worst performance of anything I've ever done.
28:53I suspect you'll do better.
28:55Let's see if she can do it.
28:57Okay.
28:58The former state champion rower.
29:01Okay.
29:02Your randomly generated word is grimace.
29:05Grimace.
29:06Ariane Titmus.
29:07She's a swimmer from Australia.
29:09She's the best and I'm the rest.
29:11The ducks on the lake.
29:12I think they are fake.
29:14I'm stuck in the weeds.
29:15I'm getting no leads, but I'm rowing while I'm flowing.
29:17Yes, I'm rowing while I'm flowing.
29:19That is the chorus.
29:20Please don't bore us.
29:22I'm rowing while I'm flowing.
29:23Just doing my rowings on the lily pads.
29:25Jeez, I'm not bad.
29:27Summer went to a school where this was a sport.
29:29And I can freestyle a cappella off my dome.
29:32Holidays, where am I going?
29:34All the way to Rome and Greece.
29:35But it looks like nice.
29:36You better think twice because you're going to lose this sport that I've created.
29:41Is that a victory?
29:43Looks like it.
29:49So, Mel, I feel like we're going to be seeing you rapping a lot across the series.
29:53Yeah, bro, because it's hard to say because I just don't know, but Reece is gay.
29:57And I'm...
30:00Are you wearing life jackets for safety or is that to cover your mum's spaghetti?
30:04Oh!
30:06I love that you are aware of a culture that I sometimes relate to.
30:11Some would argue appropriate.
30:12No, hip-hop is a mind state.
30:14It's not an area code.
30:16I've famously always said that.
30:18All right, well, I think we've got to do some scores here.
30:21Well, I feel like a good way of trying to work my way through this is, if I understood the
30:25sport really well, it's probably not that original.
30:28Whereas if I had no idea what was going on, it's because it was so new and artistic, it must
30:33be highly original.
30:34So, from the top to bottom, I think Conchetta gets five, because I had no idea what was going on.
30:42Aaron gets four.
30:46Combining rowing and flowing, that was very original, so three points to Mel.
30:49Thanks.
30:49I really enjoyed the reverse drop there, but it's just a bureaucracy that the people that run it, they're the
30:54ones that shit me.
30:55What started off as a really sad week for our family is getting worse.
31:00Well, it's two points.
31:02Last of all, I've got Reece on one point, because I knew exactly what was going on with your game.
31:07Those are not the final scores, though, because the two points needs to be deducted from the sports where I
31:11was victorious.
31:12What?
31:13Conchetta will still take home five points, and we have Mel with three points, Aaron with two, Pete with zero,
31:18and Reece minus one.
31:24Alright, do we have time for another task?
31:26Of course, imagine if we didn't, we would have really messed things up.
31:29Fortunately, we've kept it together.
31:47Hey, Tom.
31:48Hi, Pete.
31:51Hi, Reece.
31:52Hi, Tom.
31:53Hey, Conchetta.
31:54What's going on?
31:55Not much, we were just about to do a task.
31:57Plain room, no theme.
31:59Just a simple card.
32:01Yep, simple card for a simple task.
32:02Let me read this.
32:04I'm trying to do it one-handed from now on.
32:07Okay.
32:08Rip the task card into as many pieces as possible.
32:11Most pieces win.
32:13You have two minutes.
32:14Your time.
32:15It's us now.
32:27Alright, this task sounds like one of those tasks that's too simple to be true.
32:31Should we get straight into it?
32:32I think we should.
32:33You little ripper.
32:34And you little ripper.
32:35I've just pointed at Aaron and Reece.
32:40You like that?
32:41You like this?
32:43Yeah, you like this.
32:45Are you going to maintain eye contact with me the whole time?
32:53This is the most eye contact I've ever made with someone, I reckon.
32:56Don't lose any pieces, okay?
32:58And I've been with my partner for 12 years.
33:00I'll lay it up.
33:01Rip through.
33:03I'll lay it up.
33:03I'll lay it up.
33:31That's sad.
33:31Complete the task written on the back of the previous task card.
33:40Fastest wins.
33:42Your time started when you entered the lab.
33:50Get rid of the pieces that have nothing.
33:53I can see insult Tom.
33:55I was arrogant coming in.
33:57You think?
33:57Yeah, I was doing that one hand opening the card thing.
34:00I don't know what to do.
34:02You made quite a lot of eye contact with me.
34:04Not a lot of eye contact with the card.
34:05Yeah, you've pissed me off lately.
34:07So is it insult you the most?
34:10Insult the taskmaster.
34:12The taskmaster's stupid.
34:15Insult Tom.
34:16Something-esque wins.
34:17You didn't blow your whistle.
34:18I'm just going to insult you a lot and then leave.
34:22Oh.
34:23Insult you must.
34:25This is probably the best work opportunity you're going to get.
34:30Is that an insult?
34:31It will be in about 10 years, yeah.
34:34Insult the.
34:35So it becomes an insult in 10 years?
34:37Yeah, I reckon.
34:39When I started doing the little tiny rips,
34:41you had this micro-expression that was like,
34:45with your dumb little face.
34:46It's another one to add to the insult.
34:48Yeah.
34:50Thanks, Rhys.
34:51Thanks, Tom.
34:52Insult your stupid.
34:56Why didn't I just insult you after the taskmaster?
35:02I hate you.
35:05Thanks very much.
35:09Thanks, Aaron.
35:11Bye.
35:16So what did you say about me, Aaron?
35:19Hey, um, I like you, man.
35:23Because you can say it now to my face.
35:25I, what, um...
35:28All right, so Aaron took a while to do it.
35:31He was insulting me for a bit too long.
35:33And ironically, he said I was stupid.
35:37Aaron took 8 minutes and 20 seconds to insult me.
35:40Oh, OK.
35:40So what about Rhys, then?
35:42Rhys took 6 minutes and 55 seconds to insult me.
35:45Oh, yeah.
35:46Oh, Rhys.
35:48Like, I think that was genuinely a rare day
35:51that I didn't start the task by insulting you, ironically.
35:53Look at his dumb little face now.
35:55He's like, I'm...
35:55It was the best day of my life!
35:58All right, we're tearing this task right down the middle
36:01with the blunt scissors of the TV world ads.
36:03More insulting of this no-hoper next to me soon.
36:17Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia
36:19where five professional comedians
36:21are competing for the ownership
36:22of one of this country's most endangered species,
36:26a middle-aged white man.
36:27Fill us in, Lester Tom.
36:28Our contestants are tearing up a task card
36:30into as many pieces as possible,
36:32but it's just a distraction.
36:33Their real task is to do something
36:34that they would never do in real life.
36:36Insult me.
36:37Before the next contestant,
36:39I just want to say sticks and stones may break my bones,
36:41so please no-one throw any sticks or stones at me.
36:44Here's Mel Buttle.
36:46Have other people ever got more than nine, do you reckon?
36:49Are you aiming for more than nine?
36:50Yes.
36:55Don't forget, there's these ones on the floor.
36:59I knew it.
36:59I knew it.
37:03Okay.
37:04Complete the task written on the back of the previous task card.
37:09Fastest wins.
37:11I might have to just guess what the task is, Tom,
37:14because I am unable to see what it is.
37:16I'm going to guess that it is
37:19make you feel good about yourself.
37:21Although you are single and live alone,
37:24there's still hope.
37:25I like that you don't brush that front bit of hair.
37:29The ears do not need to be pinned back.
37:31Whoever said that, wrong.
37:34Regardless of what your ex said,
37:36I would refer her to the legal average penis size.
37:40I think being pescetarian is a super good choice.
37:45The post with your sister on your recent trip.
37:48Yeah.
37:48Normal.
37:49The fact that you drive a Peugeot is endearing.
37:57When I'm thinking about your time on the project,
38:00I think it was fine.
38:02Right.
38:02Eye contact.
38:03You don't get a lot of it.
38:04I know why.
38:05Oh.
38:05I read an article.
38:06What did I say?
38:07You know what?
38:08Hmm?
38:08Why don't you use those big glassy eyes
38:10that look like there's a shark behind them
38:13and you read the article yourself with your eyes.
38:17Break your tongue!
38:22Mel, did you even realise you'd completed the task?
38:25Nope.
38:26You had no idea what had happened?
38:27No, none at all.
38:28There were 21 tasks where Mel, within the first five seconds of entering, insulted me.
38:33She called me bin juice 13 separate times and maggot seven times.
38:39But this was an occasion where she did not insult me.
38:43For some reason, you just held back.
38:45Sometimes I felt it's bullying.
38:49Like, look at him.
38:50What's he got to live for?
38:53Well, I felt that when you said that you thought the task was about making him feel good about himself.
38:57Yes.
38:58It sounded to me like you were being sarcastic.
39:00What?
39:01Weren't they all insults?
39:03No.
39:03What, you just took them all on face value?
39:05Yeah, the words, as stated, were compliments.
39:08I felt like there was a tone there.
39:10Didn't get that.
39:13Mel took 17 minutes and 28 seconds to insult.
39:19You're dead meat, mate.
39:21Alright, let's see someone else fall for your little trick, Tom.
39:25He's old enough to remember Natalie Imbruglia before Torn, so he's not all out of faith.
39:30It's Peter Hellyer.
39:32Do you want to help me?
39:33Do you want to test some out?
39:35Tiny ones.
39:38It's fun, isn't it?
39:39It's a little bonding exercise.
39:40Yeah.
39:41You can get them even smaller.
39:42Okay, if you say so.
39:45There's many pieces, yeah?
39:46There's many pieces.
39:47I can't go back and read it.
39:48Who knows now, yeah?
39:49I haven't got time to put it all back together.
39:51It's impossible to read now.
39:52Yeah.
39:55Hands off.
40:04I think I know what this is.
40:07And in advance,
40:09you.
40:14You've completed your task.
40:16Oh.
40:17Thanks, Pete.
40:20There's something on the back, wasn't it?
40:22Did I read it?
40:22And you've done it.
40:23Thanks, Pete.
40:23I did it?
40:24Yep.
40:24Did I do it successfully?
40:26You did.
40:27I believe you.
40:31I'm not sure if I regret saying,
40:33F*** you, Tom.
40:34So, I may take that back in the future.
40:38We'll leave it hanging in there for now.
40:39Okay.
40:40But I may take it back.
40:42The task is complete.
40:43Thanks, Pete.
40:49So, now that we're back in the studio, would you like to take it back?
40:52No, Tom, I would not.
40:54So, on the day, did you, like Mel, have no idea how you'd finished?
40:58I'm finding everything out now.
41:00I literally had no idea.
41:02Pete took three minutes and five seconds to insult me.
41:07So, who's left, Tom?
41:08She wouldn't insult a fly.
41:09I think she's obsessed with flies.
41:11It's Conchetta Carista.
41:13Hi, Tom.
41:14Hi, Conchetta.
41:22You suck.
41:23I'll go.
41:26Thanks, Peter.
41:31And that was very impressive.
41:33Unlike everyone else, I don't like to insult Tom.
41:35I like Tom.
41:39Do you want to say it back?
41:42I like you, too.
41:46Oh, you did say to him,
41:47you suck ugly.
41:50Which, just to be clear to the kids at home,
41:52you're not supposed to say unless it's in a professional setting
41:54and you're saying it to a colleague.
41:57Conchetta's time to insult me.
41:5814 seconds.
42:03So, that means we have Mel in fifth place,
42:06Aaron in fourth,
42:07Reece in third,
42:08Pete got second place,
42:09but Conchetta wins the task with five points.
42:13All right.
42:15It's time for a break.
42:17Come back to see how these comedians go in a live task
42:20without all that camera trickery
42:22to make them look competent.
42:23See you after this.
42:36Welcome back to the television show,
42:38Taskmaster.
42:39A show that has a make-a-wish element to it
42:42in the form of allowing this little human hamster next to me
42:46to have a crack at something that outside the show,
42:49he never gets to do.
42:51Score.
42:54So, have a go.
42:56Who's leading this episode, Lesser Tom?
42:58Well, Reece is currently the little toe with eight points
43:00and with an amazing 18 points,
43:02Conchetta is the big toe!
43:06All right.
43:08Everything's still to play for,
43:09unless by everything you mean winning this episode.
43:11Sorry, Reece.
43:12Let's head upstairs for a live task.
43:19So, what's going on here, Tom?
43:21I'll let Reece explain.
43:23Play in the first annual touchball tournament.
43:31Oh, my God.
43:33Each contestant will get to play both as ball-toucher
43:37and as ball-wanter.
43:40As per international touchball rules,
43:43on Tom's first whistle,
43:45the ball-toucher will have 15 seconds
43:47to place the ball within the touchball arena.
43:50On Tom's second whistle,
43:53the ball-wanter must try to touch the ball
43:56with their fake leg as fast as possible.
43:59Who thought of these rules?
44:01The ball-toucher may not touch the ball
44:04or the ball-wanter after placing the ball.
44:07The ball-wanter will be blindfolded throughout.
44:11Best touchball player wins.
44:14Tom will now announce
44:16the first randomly selected touchball pairing.
44:20So, Aaron will be the first ball-toucher
44:22and Reece, you will get your opportunity
44:25to be a ball-wanter.
44:28Reece, can you please put your blindfold on?
44:45Round two,
44:46Conchetta will be the ball-toucher
44:47and Pete will be the ball-wanter.
44:51I'm in your freaking mind.
44:54You don't even know what's a ride
44:56and what's left.
44:57You're a freak.
45:09Did you pop the ball?
45:13Next up, we have Mel as the ball-toucher
45:15and Conchetta as the ball-wanter.
45:23Anyway, I had this really good
45:25two-core podcast out of the day
45:26about a girl who's blindfolded in an arena
45:28and she's trying to try and touch a ball
45:29and if she touched the ball,
45:31guess what would happen?
45:34Next up, we have Pete as the ball-toucher
45:36and Aaron as the ball-wanter.
46:02Oh, my God!
46:06Oh, my God!
46:10The final round, we have Rhys
46:12as the ball-toucher
46:13and Mel as the ball-wanter.
46:15Oh, my God!
46:19Oh, my God!
46:26Oh, my God!
46:29Oh, my God!
46:31Oh, my God!
46:32Oh, my God!
46:34Oh, my God!
46:36Oh, my God!
46:44All right, we're going to see who the winner is,
46:46but we know the real winner is capitalism.
46:49So let them have their win with another ad break.
47:02Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia.
47:05If you've just joined us,
47:06you've missed an adorable story
47:08about Aaron's dad painting his wife's shit dog.
47:12Lesser Tom, scores for that live task, please.
47:14Well, the best-wanter was Conchetta
47:17with a new world record 10.44 seconds touching.
47:23Best ball-toucher was Rhys
47:25with their very controversial effort
47:27to keep it away from Mel for 41 seconds.
47:31So if you look at the aggregated ball-touch-to-want score ratio,
47:34we have Mel in last, then Aaron, then Pete in the middle,
47:37runner-up Conchetta,
47:38and the winner of the first annual touchball tournament,
47:41the founder and creator of the Touchball World Association,
47:44it's Rhys Neckleson!
47:50And remember, always touch balls responsibly.
47:54All right, more importantly,
47:56who's winning this episode
47:57and going to be heading home
47:58to touch our straight white handyman's balls?
48:02We have Mel on 10, Aaron on 12,
48:05Rhys on a lucky 13, then Pete on a lovely 14,
48:09but Conchetta is the episode's winner with 22 points!
48:14Congratulations, Conchetta!
48:16Get up there and take that bang!
48:21Right, Conchetta, you just stay up there
48:23and listen to that background extra
48:25posing as a hardware store owner's spiel
48:27about how climate change is a hoax.
48:30Whilst we get an update on our overall season scoreboard.
48:34The leader in the series by 10 total points
48:37is Conchetta with 54 points.
48:41Okay, that's it.
48:43Another episode of Taskmaster in the bag.
48:45But what did we learn?
48:47We learnt that if you chuck a lampshade on Peter Hellier,
48:50it's still just a Peter Hellier.
48:53And we learnt to always read the back
48:55of whatever you're about to rip up.
48:57Unless they're part of Tom Cashman's business card collection.
49:01But most importantly,
49:03we learnt that Conchetta is the winner of episode three.
49:07See you next week!
49:24One, two, one, two, three, go!
49:30This is a disaster, Tom.
49:32Are you prepared to get moist?
49:33What about me?
49:34Tom and Conchetta.
49:40Pretty good.
Yorumlar