Chappelle's Show changed comedy forever ππ₯ Created by and starring Dave Chappelle, this groundbreaking sketch comedy series delivered unforgettable characters, sharp social satire, and some of the most quoted comedy moments in television history. A true comedy classic that remains influential years later.
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FunTranscript
00:31Man, welcome, welcome to Spell Show, everybody.
00:34Thanks for coming out, man.
00:35I am your host.
00:40You know, I gotta tell y'all,
00:41I just bought one of the hottest albums
00:43I've bought in a long time, man.
00:45That Chocolate Factory, that R. Kelly, he put it down.
00:49I mean, say what you wanna say about his scandal,
00:52but the music is scandal-proof, you know what I'm saying?
00:55And any real fan of R. Kelly
00:57wouldn't let that scandal stop him
00:59because if you was paying attention to his music
01:01all these years, you might have seen it coming like I did.
01:05Go ahead, roll that video.
01:08Yeah.
01:10It's the final.
01:1340 ounces of mo' liquor, make more taste of it.
01:15Say, roll around, sittin' on doves.
01:18Can't lie, I was high on shrubs.
01:20Coolin' in my Escalade.
01:21Man, I'm paid, I got it made.
01:24Take me to your special place.
01:25Close your eyes, show me your face.
01:28I'm gonna piss on it.
01:31I'm gonna piss on it.
01:33I don't even want one of the above, I want to piss on you.
01:41Yes, I do, I piss on you, I pee on you.
01:47Said, your body, your body, it's a portal party.
01:54I'm gonna pee on you.
01:56I'm gonna pee on you.
02:04I'm gonna pee on you.
02:07I'm gonna pee on you.
02:08It's on you.
02:10It's on you.
02:11It's on you.
02:11You'll never feel quite the same when you hear a whiff of my Hershey stains.
02:21I want to pee in your food
02:26Only thing to make my life complete is when I turn your face to a toilet seat
02:31I want to pee on you
02:34Yes I do
02:36Yes I do, I pee on you, I piss on you
02:42Haters wanna hate, lovers wanna love
02:45I don't even want none of the above
02:49I want to piss on you
02:52Yes I do, I piss on you, I pee on you
02:57Won't you braid my hair?
03:00Say, don't you braid my hair
03:05Before you start, I'm gonna fall
03:09I'm gonna fall on you
03:18Boy, that R. Kelly can make a love song about anything, can't it?
03:24Now a lot of you might be wondering, Dave, how are you gonna follow that?
03:28How else?
03:29Make some noise, ladies and gentlemen, for Paul Mooney
03:32It's time for Ask a Black Dude
03:39Are all their dicks really big?
03:42Or are some small, some big?
03:44Is it a mixed bag?
03:46Or we just assume they're all hung like horses?
03:48Brothers are packing, they seem to be packing
03:51I guess that's the way of the world
03:54That's why you have so many mixed couples
03:57White girl ain't that crazy
03:59That was the old saying there
04:00Once you go black, you don't come back
04:03You go white, you go running back to black
04:05Ain't that the way it goes?
04:07It happens that way
04:08Wasn't Mariah Carey married to a white man?
04:11And then they divorced
04:13She was humping on black chairs
04:14She went crazy when she got away from her
04:17Okay, I've always wondered why black guys shave their heads
04:21I mean, it just seems that they have great hair
04:24And I could never figure out why so many of them shave their heads
04:28It's just a fair, now, white folks wear bald heads too
04:30You know they ain't gonna let a nigga have nothing
04:33They were natural, they took that, they take everything
04:36They took Tina Turner
04:37They took Michael Jackson
04:40They took James Brown
04:41They gave him back
04:42Who else they take?
04:45Lonnie Richie
04:46Oh, they'll take stuff from me
04:48They will take
04:48They won't let us have too much fun
04:51That's what I told some black people the other night at my show
04:53I said, don't get
04:54I said, don't get too fond of me
04:56Cause white folks will come here and take me
04:59They only want niggas to have a little bit of fun
05:02I get to talk and some mess on your show
05:03They'll take your show
05:05They'll fix you too
05:12That Paul Mooney is something
05:15I can't believe this is actually happening
05:17R. Kelly actually sent over the Piss On You remix
05:21What?
05:23I'm serious
05:23For real, look
05:27No man, I don't do this
05:28But I'm gonna hit y'all off with a little taste of the remix
05:30Y'all ready?
05:31Here we go
05:32I'll pick you up from the club
05:34Take you home to make some love
05:36Got a surprise
05:37Close your eyes
05:38I'm gonna cover you in sucks
05:43I'm gonna give you some poo-poo
05:45I'm gonna give you some pee-pee
05:46I'm gonna give you some doo-doo
05:48I'm washing down with some wee-wee
05:50This is the remix edition
05:52Of a song about pissin'
05:54I got that dude and we can drinkin'
05:56And there's juice in the kitchen
05:58Yeah
06:00That's how it goes at R. Kelly party
06:03I said, Chris
06:07You drink piss
06:09I want piss on you remix
06:11I want piss on you remix
06:12You hear?
06:13No, I'm serious
06:14I really do want to piss on you
06:18We'll take a quick commercial break
06:20Don't go nowhere, we'll be right back
06:30Hey gang
06:31Boy, so much to talk about tonight
06:34I've been watching the History Channel a lot
06:38Well, History Channel give you perspective on a lot of things
06:41For instance, gang violence is something that I never really understood
06:44And then I was watching the History Channel and they just came with it, man
06:48They really enlightened me
06:50Welcome to the World's Greatest Wars
06:54We've reviewed the Civil War
06:57World War II
06:59And the Gulf War
07:01But now, we turn your attention to a classic war that took place right here on American soil
07:12For the last 20 years on Chicago's South Side, a violent war has been waged between two bitter enemies
07:20The 19th Street Gangsters and the River Terrace crew
07:25The war began in 1982 over a pair of basketball shoes
07:30But not just any basketball shoes
07:33These were Nike's
07:37A dog
07:38A dog
07:39Earl the Snake White called out
07:41After a rival member of the 19th Street Gangsters, General Cornrow Wallace
07:46Made minor contact with his shoes
07:49Hey!
07:51Hey dog, hey
07:53Step on my clicker, man
07:55The snake knew then that he would have to fight him
07:58Ah!
08:00Ah!
08:02Ah!
08:02What you got?
08:03Ow!
08:03Ah!
08:05Ah!
08:06Ah!
08:08Ah!
08:08Get shit off my sneakers!
08:11Ah!
08:12Ah!
08:13Ah!
08:14Ah!
08:15Ah!
08:15Ah!
08:16The snake was down, but not out
08:19He returned to the crew's clubhouse and rallied the troops with a most impassioned speech
08:25Some Lorcan's trick just stepped on my sneakers
08:27And poured Morton's salt all over me
08:30Are y'all ready to ride?
08:31Mmm!
08:32Rob or Rob?
08:33Rob or Rob?
08:34Let's ride on these fools at their own barbecue
08:37Wasting no time
08:38The crew commenced stomping on people's sneakers to let them know who ran the projects
08:44General Cornrow Wallace pulled out a gun
08:48Unheard of at that point in street fighting
08:50A resident called 911 immediately
08:53Police showed up promptly four hours later
08:56The Cornrow was sentenced to seven years in prison
09:00His time there would be formative to say the least
09:06His roommate in jail was a man named Tyrone Biggums
09:10Who regaled Cornrow with stories of a new way to make cocaine
09:14It's called crack
09:17It's great
09:18And it's so simple to make
09:20All you need is some cocaine and some baking soda
09:24And I think I tasted egg and cinnamon
09:27Well it sounded
09:28It's gonna be rich
09:31Cornrow immediately alerted his friends on the outside via a letter
09:35Yo
09:36Y'all niggas need
09:38To cook up
09:39Cocaine
09:40With
09:42For king powder
09:44And sell it
09:46All the best
09:48Corn roller
09:50P.S.
09:52Brrrr
09:53They immediately started cooking stuff up
09:56And selling it on what little space they still controlled
10:00They had made hundreds of thousands of dollars in mere weeks
10:04In no time Snake and his crew followed suit
10:07The money made fueled what became a heated arms race between the two groups
10:16The violence escalated every year
10:19Finally peaking in 1989
10:21When the 19th Street gangsters sustained a massive loss at the Battle of the Kool Modi concert
10:27Which took place at a Kool Modi concert
10:30Newly released from prison, revered General Cornrow Wallace was shot dead
10:36The funeral was somber
10:38And filled with Cornrow's signature bird call
10:44The funeral passed without incident
10:46But what the crew did next
10:48Uphold even the hardest thugs
10:52The crew went to the graveyard and dug up General Cornrow Wallace's body
10:58Absconding with it to their hideout
11:01The incident was videotaped
11:03And sent to members of the 19th Street gangsters
11:06Hey fool, we got your leader
11:08Look at us
11:09High five
11:11Look at these pretty crows there
11:14Get a shoe
11:16Look at them pretty shoes
11:17Look at them pretty shoes
11:20Rubble rubble
11:34Rubble rubble
11:36In the jail
11:37But we did speak to one member
11:39Earl the Snake White
11:41Ironically, he now works at a friendly shoe source
11:45In a strip mall on the exact location
11:47Where the Cardinal Projects once stood
11:49Alright!
11:51Snake, knowing what you do now
11:54Was it all worth it?
11:55Yeah, it was a tragedy
11:57Can you repeat the question?
11:59For the History Channel
12:01I'm Jeff Frankel
12:03Goodnight
12:08We're gonna take a quick commercial break
12:10But we'll be right back with more Chappelle shows
12:13So don't go anywhere
12:21Go ahead!
12:26Hey gang, welcome back
12:31Welcome back
12:33So here's Chappelle Show
12:34We like to show people
12:35The real versions of movies
12:38Okay?
12:39So I got another one for you
12:40Today we're gonna do Deep Impact
12:42I don't know if you've seen it
12:43This is where Morgan Friedman was the black president
12:47An asteroid was speeding towards Earth
12:49And he had to figure out a way
12:51To solve the problem
12:53And save humanity
12:54I wonder what would really happen
12:56Hmm
13:00Please be seated
13:05Hello America
13:07As you all know
13:08There's an asteroid
13:09The size of Maine
13:10Speeding towards Earth
13:11As we speak
13:12I'd like to take a moment out of the day
13:14To address the allegations
13:16That this is somehow
13:17My fault
13:24Firstly I'd like to say
13:25That these allegations
13:26Are absolutely and 100% false
13:30Secondly and most importantly
13:31I'd like to say that
13:32You motherfuckers disgust me
13:35You're goddamn right I said it
13:37If you knew just one of the things
13:39I was sworn to secrecy to
13:41You would buckle under the goddamn pressure
13:43Mr. President
13:44Mr. President
13:45Like what?
13:46How about this?
13:48I have here in my hand
13:50The cure for AIDS
13:52We've had this for 25 years
13:56Have a great weekend
13:58Did I shock you?
13:59Are you crazy yet?
14:01Well, I have someone I'd like you to meet
14:03Come on up here Paula
14:06America I'd like you to meet my good friend Paula
14:09And here's Paula again
14:12And here's Paula one more time
14:13We cloned these three bitches in a laboratory in Seattle
14:17Some 19 odd years ago
14:19Not only that we added a pinch of black jeans
14:22So that they could do things like this
14:23Hit it girls
14:25Running through the raindrops
14:27Wishing that you would stop
14:30That'll be enough, thank you very much
14:32Alright baby
14:34Hold on Paula
14:36Kill for AIDS
14:38Sorry about last night
14:42Freaked out yet?
14:43Have I blown your mind?
14:44Or you think you can still handle my job?
14:46Because if you're cocky
14:47And you think that you got hold of this
14:48I got some more information for you
14:51Would you like to know who killed Kennedy?
14:53Yes, who killed Kennedy?
14:54Ready for the truth America?
14:56Here it comes
14:58Oswald killed Kennedy
15:00That's right
15:01Lee Harvey Oswald killed John F. Kennedy
15:03Alone and by himself
15:06With the magic bullet
15:09That's right
15:09The bullet was actually magical
15:11Magic does exist
15:12We've known about this for some 2,000 years
15:14I'm not finished yet
15:15I have some more information that might startle you
15:17The R. Kelly sex tape
15:20That wasn't R. Kelly
15:21It was me
15:22That's right
15:23I urinate on people when I have sex with them
15:26I'm a disgusting human being and I apologize
15:28To the people who I've hurt and peed on
15:30Bet you blew your mind right there, didn't I?
15:32Well I'm really on a roll and I don't care
15:34Because the world's gonna end any day now
15:35So I might as well introduce you to a good friend of mine
15:39Bibble
15:39Bibble, come on up here
15:46America, this is Bibble
15:48Bibble is a space creature that lives very far away in a galaxy called Nebulon 5
15:53And he is solely responsible for the wave of technology we've seen over the last few decades
15:59Cell phones, pages, Playstation 1 and 2
16:01You might think it was the Japanese who were responsible
16:04But anyone in the know
16:05Knows that it was Bibble for Shizzle
16:07And all by Bibble
16:08Cause only Bibble will keep it so rude
16:12Hey, uh, Bibble is a spaceship ready
16:16You ready to get out of here
16:18Okay, me and Bibble are about to leave
16:19But before we go
16:20I just wanna say
16:21There's no hope for the planet Earth
16:23There's no way to stop the asteroid
16:25And you're all gonna die
16:26Everyone except for me
16:27And of course Bibble
16:29Who's been so kind to let me accompany him on his spaceship
16:32And I'm bringing those three cloned white women with me
16:34Goodbye America
16:35I hope you all die in a fiery death
16:38When the meteor hits next Tuesday
16:40Come on Bibble, let's get out of here
16:42Oh my
16:43No, no, no
16:44No, no
16:44No, no, no
16:45No, no, no
16:52Alright, we're gonna take a quick commercial break
16:54Please don't go anywhere cause we'll be right back
17:03Okay, turn on your TV
17:06What you gonna see
17:09I would like to thank the studio audience
17:13I would like to thank you at home
17:15You see, because I keeps it
17:18Hey, what's up, man?
17:20We just got a call
17:21Looks like you're having a lot of fun out here
17:22Is he having a blast, man?
17:24We are the white guys
17:26And we've come to take over your show
17:31What do you mean?
17:32Well, we already got Paul Moni
17:33Now we gotta take you
17:35You took Paul?
17:36Yeah
17:36Oh, and by the way, could you people stack the chairs on the way out, please?
17:40Hey, wait a minute
17:41Get a picture of me and David before we go
17:43Oh, sure, sure, sure
17:44My daughter's gonna love this
17:46Oh, Hannah?
17:46Yeah, my daughter thinks you're really funny
17:49Okay
17:50We got him now, huh?
17:51Is this still live?
17:52We cut that?
17:53Yeah, Mike's
17:54Hey, hold on
17:55Come on, let's go
17:56Help!
17:57Come on
17:58We can make it
17:58Help!
17:59Thank you
17:59We can make it
18:01Help!
18:03Watch out, clap, we're going to help
18:05Watch the duck
18:06This ain't no skip, there's hell!
18:12I'm rich, biatch!
18:14Hi, thank you
18:21Good night, Corn Road Wallis
18:22Watch out for the wolves
18:31Is it morning yet?
18:33I pee on people when I have sex with them
18:38Can I say pee on people when the standard's gonna kill them?
18:41That's right
18:42I spray people with urine during sexual encounters
18:44Surprise, surprise, right in your eyes
18:46You're right, that's much lighter
18:49That's right
18:49Bye
18:49Bye
18:50Bye
18:50Bye
18:50Bye
18:51Bye
18:52Bye
18:52Bye
18:52Bye
18:52Bye
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