00:16St. Thomas, look at those beaches.
00:20Look at those sunsets.
00:21Look at those men.
00:25Look at that buffet.
00:30Carl, are you sure we can afford this trip?
00:32No, but sometimes, Harriet, you just have to go for it.
00:37And as long as there are no unexpected expenses, we are on our way.
00:42All right.
01:10To read any good news on the newspaper page
01:13And love and tradition of the grand design
01:16Some people say it's even harder to find
01:21Well, then there must be some magic clue
01:24Inside these gentle walls
01:28Cause all I see is a tower of dreams
01:32Real love bursting after every scene
01:35As days go by
01:40We're gonna fill our house with happiness
01:43The moon may dry
01:46But we'll smother the blues with tenderness
01:51As days go by
01:53There's room for you, room for me
01:57For gentle hearts and opportunity
02:00As days go by
02:04It's the bigger love of the family
02:25Well, it's gonna cost a fortune to fix a roof
02:29We'll have to cancel our vacation
02:31No, no, not cancel
02:34Postpone
02:34I'll fix the roof myself
02:36And I'll buy a sparkly gown and open for Diana Ross
02:46What are you trying to say?
02:49I'm saying it's a nice idea that you want to fix the roof yourself
02:52But you just can't do it
02:57And why not, if you please?
02:59Remember when you put in that bathroom for your mother?
03:01Yes, what about it?
03:02Well, you ran the gas line into the toilet
03:06First time she flushed it, blew her into the basement
03:15Well, there you go again, Harriet
03:20You know, whenever I try to fix something
03:23Do I ever hear
03:25Go for it, Carl
03:27You can do it, Carl
03:29I'm behind you, Carl
03:31No
03:32You give me
03:34You'll be sorry, Carl
03:37Hire a professional, Carl
03:38You blew your mother into the basement, Carl
03:44Well, I'm going to fix the roof, Harriet
03:46And I'm gonna fix it so well
03:49That all of our neighbors are gonna come
03:53Just to look at it
03:54And they'll ooh and ah
03:57And applaud my work
04:00And you know what you'll say to me then, Harriet?
04:03Do you know what you'll say, Harriet?
04:07Sure
04:08Wake up your dreaming, Carl
04:14Oh, that's so amusing, Harriet
04:17That's hysterical, Harriet
04:20The only thing funnier is your cooking
04:31Laura, tell me again
04:33What were Alex's exact words?
04:36What?
04:37I told you five times
04:38Well, tell me again
04:40You gotta remember
04:41I have no life
04:48Alex goes
04:51Laura
04:52Do you want to study together?
04:57Alex Phillips
04:59Is so cute
05:03And what a great bod
05:13Steve, how long have you been there?
05:15Long enough for your high-pitched squeals of lust
05:17To shatter my heart
05:22Laura, to even hear you speak of another man
05:25It's like an arrow piercing me
05:28Alex is so cute
05:38What a great bod
05:45You want to finish me off?
05:47Just say you'd like to kiss him
05:49Wow, that'd be great
05:58So, what are you gonna wear
05:59When you see Alex?
06:01I think the green blouse
06:02With the short black skirt
06:03That's cute
06:04But what's she
06:05I don't know
06:33Oh
06:35Oh, wow. It's really high up here.
06:42I didn't realize I had such a tall house.
06:46You need a tall house because you got a tall son.
06:57Son?
06:58Yes, Dad?
06:59You do that again, and I'm taking you with me.
07:05Right, Dad.
07:06Okay.
07:06Okay.
07:07All right.
07:11Your mother doesn't believe that I can fix a roof.
07:14Well, you and I are going to prove her wrong.
07:18Why do I always have to be involved?
07:20I mean, why can't you just prove Mom wrong?
07:22Because I want you and I to spend some quality time together.
07:28Is it that or because you're not paying me?
07:31Well, that's what makes the time quality.
07:44Hey, that's pretty smart that you got that tool box up here, Dad.
07:48Well, I learned to tie this rope to the box
07:52by watching this program in this old house.
08:08We'll use that stuff tomorrow.
08:14Right now, it's time to play Look for the Leak.
08:20Because if we can't find it, we can't fix it.
08:25Most leaks in your roof are caused by soft spots.
08:30See, so you have to probe very cautiously, very carefully.
08:35See, because otherwise, a small hole...
08:51How's it going up there?
08:55Pretty good.
08:57You found the Leak?
09:15Thanks for helping me find the gym.
09:17Don't feel bad.
09:18It's Monday.
09:19You had two old days to forget where it was.
09:29Phillips, a moment of your time, if you please.
09:33What do you want, Jerkle?
09:36I will not be drawn into a battle of wits.
09:39After all, you're unarmed.
09:45I merely wish to issue a friendly warning.
09:48Stay away from my Laura.
09:50Hi, Alex.
09:52Look who's here.
09:53Hi, Max.
09:55Hey, Laura babies.
09:59Hey, Laura babies.
10:03All right, class, listen up.
10:05Today, we got your favorite in mind.
10:08The rope climb.
10:11Oh, no.
10:13Of all the days when Laura's watching.
10:16So?
10:18So, I hate the rope climb.
10:20No matter how hard I try, I just can't do it.
10:24I have the same problem with Mr. Potato Head.
10:28All right, Phillips, you get to go first.
10:34I'll only go half speed.
10:36I mean, we don't want Laura to faint.
10:41Go.
10:42Go.
10:45Gotcha.
10:46Yeah.
10:505.6 seconds.
10:52Nice work.
10:55What are you doing?
10:57Hoping he won't call me.
10:59He won't.
11:00Coach Reddy is a kind man.
11:02He's sensitive and he's caring.
11:03Erk.
11:04Goal.
11:05What a Nazi.
11:08What a Nazi.
11:17Ready?
11:22Set.
11:27Go.
11:32Come on, Erk.
11:33He said go.
11:35Almost there.
11:37It's all right, Erk.
11:38At least you tried.
11:39We can do it.
11:44You can stop now.
11:46Come on.
11:46No.
11:49No.
11:54No hands on the ground.
11:57Head up.
11:57Turn around.
11:58Eyes front.
11:59Pull.
12:01Relax.
12:02It's over.
12:05It's over.
12:06All right, ladies.
12:08To the track.
12:08Five laps.
12:10Come on.
12:11Come on.
12:11Move.
12:12Move it.
12:17Thanks, Erkul.
12:18I mean, I'm good, but you make me look great.
12:23Oh, can it, Phillips.
12:25You may have been a better man today, but you hear me.
12:29In a fortnight, not only will I make it up to the top of that rope,
12:34but I'll do it faster than you.
12:37Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?
12:39Don't do it, Erkul.
12:40Money has germs on it.
12:50Forget money.
12:51I prefer higher stakes.
12:54Like what?
12:55The loser stays away from Laura.
12:58Forever.
13:01You're on?
13:20You're on the phone.
13:25You don't think?
13:26See?
13:37Thanks. Didn't want to strain these puppies.
13:41Steve, you look terrible.
13:43Oh, I'm fine.
13:48I'm fine.
13:51Steve.
13:52Oh, Laura.
13:55I hurt so bad.
13:57I hurt in places that I need three mirrors to see.
14:07Would you give me a back rub?
14:12Okay, but only until I get nauseous.
14:14Oh, thanks.
14:26I'm going to stop if you keep making those noises.
14:28Okay, I'll make them silently.
14:38I don't want to see it either.
14:40Oh, sorry.
14:46You know what, Laura?
14:48I realize the reason you don't love me is because I'm weak.
14:52Steve, that's not true.
14:53Is it?
14:54No.
14:55There's lots of reasons why I don't love you.
15:00Really?
15:01We'll name a couple.
15:02Well, you're stubborn, irritating, loud, obnoxious, pushy, clumsy.
15:09I said a couple.
15:14Well, is there anything you do like about me?
15:17Well, you're intelligent.
15:19I like that.
15:20In fact, I think brains are very sexy.
15:23Sexy?
15:25In a platonic sort of way.
15:28No.
15:33You know,
15:35you're not acting like the Steve Rekker I've come to know and tolerate.
15:42That Steve Rekker would get out of this jam by using the biggest muscle he has.
15:47His brain.
15:56So, I broke out in this weird purple rash.
15:59And for two weeks, everything tasted like mustard.
16:05That's why polyester chafes my thighs.
16:10Great story, Dad.
16:18Oh, my gosh.
16:20What's wrong?
16:22We're done.
16:22We're actually done.
16:25Really?
16:26Yeah.
16:27Hey.
16:28You did it, Dad.
16:30Oh, hold on.
16:33You fixed the room.
16:35Yeah.
16:36I did, didn't I?
16:39When this old world starts getting me down,
16:43the people are just too much for me to fail.
16:48Oh, no.
16:50I climb way up to the top of the stairs.
16:54And of all my cares just drift right into space.
17:01On the roof's the only place I know.
17:07But you just have to wish to make it.
17:11Oh, no.
17:12No.
17:13No.
17:16No.
17:22Hey, Dad.
17:24Hey, Dad.
17:25You okay?
17:26Oh, I'm fine.
17:28Luckily, the driveway broke my fall.
17:41Hey, Laura.
17:42Looks like Urkel chickened out.
17:44Too bad.
17:45I was looking forward to humiliating him.
17:48I wonder he's so handsome.
17:50God put all his good qualities on the outside.
17:55Well, I can't wait around here all day.
18:00Wait.
18:01Wait.
18:02Everybody wait.
18:06Dang, I thought I could remember without the paper.
18:12Steve is still suiting up.
18:14Phillips, you go first.
18:17All right, Phillips.
18:18Come on.
18:19Let's hustle.
18:26Go.
18:27All right.
18:28All right.
18:28All right.
18:29All right.
18:29All right.
18:30All right.
18:32All right.
18:344.9 seconds.
18:36You broke your record.
18:40For you, baby.
18:42Put your shirt on.
18:45Couldn't we have taken a vote?
18:48I'm a lock.
18:49Urkel will never beat my time.
18:52Guess again.
19:12Look, listen, and learn.
19:17Hey, what's that?
19:22Ready, set, go!
19:333.2 seconds!
19:35That's a new raptor!
20:08Pardon my exalts.
20:11Steve, you did it, you won!
20:14Feast your eyes one last time, and then hit the road, Jack.
20:38How?
20:40What happened?
20:42He fixed the roof.
20:44Ah, enough said.
20:48The bottom line is, I fixed the roof.
20:52Yes, Carl, you fixed the roof, and all it cost you was an arm and a leg.
20:57Ah!
21:04Dad, what happened?
21:05Your father fixed the roof.
21:08Oh.
21:09Enough said.
21:11You know, you never would have fallen if you'd been wearing one of these babies.
21:18What is that?
21:20The one and only XJ3 jet-propelled Urkel Pack.
21:25But does it really work?
21:26Why, absolutely.
21:28All you do is press this little button.
21:29No, no, no, no, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.
21:34Relax, big guy.
21:36It's got a safety.
21:37Good.
21:41Unfortunately, it wasn't I.
21:43There's a concern.
21:47In the heat.
21:47Oh, my God.
21:59Oh, my God.
22:04Oh, my God.
22:06Oh, my God.
22:10Oh, my God.
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