The Thin Blue Line is a classic British sitcom starring Rowan Atkinson as the hilariously clueless Inspector Raymond Fowler ππ Packed with absurd police station chaos, sharp British humor, and unforgettable characters, this comedy series became a fan-favorite for lovers of classic UK television.
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FunTranscript
00:03You
00:30No. No. No.
00:34No, Susan, I fear that is not convenient.
00:37I know he's my son, too.
00:39Even if he does appear to be the love child of a sloth and a warthog.
00:44Look, he is not coming to stay with me, and that is absolutely final.
00:50Well, just for a fortnight, then.
00:55The problem can be summed up in one word.
00:59Organised crime.
01:03Motors, Stolen and Gasforth, are being driven across the Channel.
01:06Blimey. You need a decent under seal.
01:11Local delinquents nick the cars and flog them on to Mr Big.
01:15He's out there. Somewhere.
01:18A fat cat spinning his web with his tentacles in every pie.
01:25Shouldn't be too difficult a spot, then.
01:27So, gentlemen, night duty.
01:30A time when the lamp of justice must shine like a beacon.
01:34I trust that you are adequately prepared for the tasks ahead.
01:38I'm at the very peak of my form, sir.
01:42Well, I hope so.
01:44For who knows what danger lurks in the fearsome watches of the night.
01:48It is our mission to seek it out.
01:50To boldly go where no man has gone before.
01:53To go boldly, laddie, don't split your infinitives.
01:58Captain Kirk does.
01:59Captain Kirk regularly accepts figures painted blue with plastic forehead extensions.
02:06As beings from another planet.
02:09I think we may readily dismiss him as an authority on anything.
02:17Oh, hi, Maggie.
02:18You look great.
02:21I'm really looking forward to spending the night with you.
02:23No, no, I mean we'll be on the job together all night.
02:28I know why you like night shifts, Kevin.
02:30Oh, why?
02:30It's probably the only time you get to stay out late.
02:39Oh, it's the best!
02:42It's the dog.
02:47All right, Goody, what's all this?
02:49Another promising contender for the regional heats of young delinquent of the year?
02:54What have you been up to, Sonny?
02:55I ain't been up to nothing.
02:57In which case, you must have been up to something.
03:00You'll find the English language serves you far better, laddie, if you use it properly.
03:05So, what's it been up to?
03:06Taking without consent, Gov. Hit a lamppost.
03:09Don't call me Gov, laddie.
03:11It's a short step from saying Gov to using Cockney rhyming slang, and I won't have it.
03:15Sorry, Chief.
03:19You're even thinking about being sick on my desk.
03:21First think about removing this truncheon from your ear hole.
03:29Has the doctor been called?
03:30On his way, Gov.
03:31Chief boss, sir.
03:33I've called Inspector Grimm, sir.
03:35He has to be informed if we've picked up any joyriders.
03:37Joyrider is not a term I will allow in my station, Constable.
03:40This young lout was involved in potentially murderous delinquency.
03:44Well, I'm sorry, Inspector, I was on his side.
03:45I know what you were only saying, Constable.
03:47But it's not good enough.
03:48Crime is crime and should not be trivialised.
03:51What next?
03:52Are we to refer to grievous bodily harm as fun punching?
03:58Assault with a deadly weapon as a laugh and a stab?
04:02Occupation.
04:03Duckling, diving, dodging, weaving.
04:06So I'll just put total prat, shall I?
04:09All right, Nigel Mansell, let me out your pockets.
04:12You ain't got no right to search, mate.
04:14Now, there you are, Rob.
04:14I have every right to search you.
04:17Indeed, if I suspect you of possessing drugs,
04:19I'm entitled to conduct an internal body search
04:23involving a rubber glove and a large spoon.
04:27Would you like me to suspect you of possessing drugs?
04:32Sir, one ballpoint pen, blue,
04:35one contraceptive device,
04:37and a seed flavoured.
04:39Two tickets to a rave,
04:41hardly a professional's car-pinching kit.
04:42I fear Inspector Grimm will find slim pickings here.
04:46I can't take any more!
04:48I'll do for someone, I swear.
04:50You're all dead!
04:52Yes, sir, can I help?
04:54A smack.
04:56Gotta have smack.
04:58Certainly.
04:59Goody, the gentleman wants a smack.
05:02Two, four, six, eight,
05:03bogging, don't wait!
05:08Handcuffs, please.
05:12Hasble Goody, are you chewing?
05:17I'm going to ask you that question again, Goody.
05:19But before I do so,
05:20I want you to consider the consequences
05:22of deliberately lying to a superior officer whilst on duty.
05:25Those consequences include dismissal,
05:27loss of pension,
05:29ostracism within the community,
05:30and in all probability,
05:31a lifelong dependency on prescription antidepressants.
05:34Now, let's try again.
05:36Are you chewing, laddie?
05:37Yes, I am.
05:38Helps me think.
05:39I can't say I'd noticed.
05:42He's puff, sir.
05:44All right.
05:45Habib, well done.
05:46Take the man down.
05:47Cold showers,
05:48exercise and regular roughage
05:50help a man think Goody.
05:52Not Wrigley's Juicy Fruit.
05:54I've not had my officers going about
05:56the place like louts.
05:57What do you think we have plainclothes men for?
06:01Now swallow it.
06:03Oh, what a night.
06:06Let me tell you,
06:07I should be glad when we're tucked up
06:09in bed together.
06:09Really, Raymond?
06:11Yes, certainly.
06:12I should be out like a light.
06:16I expect you will, too.
06:20But sometimes,
06:21before we go to sleep,
06:23wouldn't it be nice to share
06:24a moment of excitement together?
06:27By all means, darling.
06:29I'll tell you what I could do.
06:31I could read you another chapter
06:32of King Solomon's mind.
06:39Oh, goody.
06:40Have you run bad?
06:43What's the matter, boy?
06:44I think he's choking, inspector.
06:46It's that bubblegum you made him swallow.
06:48Bend over, Kevin.
06:49Egg below your chest.
06:50Well done, Habib.
06:53Great heavens,
06:54what's the man swallowed?
06:55A bubblegum-flavored elephant?
06:57Get him up.
06:58Give him to me.
06:59Look.
07:00Now, fist clench,
07:01thumb inward,
07:02between navel and breastbone.
07:03Other hand on fist.
07:04Pull up sharply
07:05to force the upper abdomen
07:06against the lower lungs.
07:08Ah, thus driving out
07:09the remaining air.
07:23What's this, Ed Fowler?
07:25Some bizarre uniformed
07:27branch initiation.
07:29Oh, thank you, sir.
07:32Sorry to spoil your fun, Raymond.
07:35Carry on, constable.
07:38Police work.
07:40Remember it?
07:41Where's this car thief?
07:42Not necessarily a thief, Derek.
07:45In this country,
07:45a person is innocent
07:46until a judge or jury
07:47find him otherwise.
07:48And God,
07:49don't we hate
07:50all that fannying about it.
07:52Why don't they change it round?
07:55Presume everybody in the country
07:56is guilty of something,
07:58which most of them are,
07:59and lock them up.
08:01What, the entire population?
08:03Certainly the entire population.
08:05Then anyone who can,
08:07to the satisfaction
08:07of a senior judge,
08:09prove themselves
08:10to be holy
08:11and fundamentally innocent
08:12would be released.
08:14There'd be a bit
08:14less fannying about him,
08:16wouldn't there?
08:17Oh, here we have
08:18proof of reincarnation.
08:20Stalin has come back
08:21as an English detective.
08:23I do not advocate
08:24a police state, Fowler.
08:26No, you just want to see
08:27everyone live
08:28in abject fear of authority.
08:29Well, it would be not!
08:32Now, where's this young lout?
08:35He's with the doctor.
08:36His head is cut.
08:37Diddums!
08:38Get him out here.
08:39I haven't got all night.
08:40I've got a wife
08:41and kids to get home to.
08:42Until the doctor
08:43is satisfied,
08:44nobody is seeing him.
08:46Obstructing CID
08:47in the course
08:47of an investigation, Fowler?
08:49That's a very serious offence,
08:51that.
08:51I've half a mind
08:52to charge you.
08:53You have half a mind
08:54full stop.
08:57And they're in the life
08:58of a suspect
08:58by denying him
08:59proper medical care
09:00is also a serious offence.
09:02Right.
09:02Well, you can mollycoddle
09:04the scum in the streets
09:05if you want.
09:06I need my kip.
09:08I've got a lot
09:08of important meetings
09:09tomorrow.
09:11Good night.
09:12Important meetings.
09:14Ha!
09:14Where's he thinking
09:15he's going?
09:16Scotland Yard.
09:17I doubt it.
09:19I shall certainly be glad
09:20to get out of here tonight.
09:21Oh, God, a bit of peace.
09:23No noise,
09:24no distractions.
09:25No revolting kids.
09:27Hmm.
09:28Yes, I...
09:29Blondie.
09:31No revolting kids at all.
09:34Except Bill.
09:36What?
09:37Oh, didn't I tell you?
09:39My son Bill's coming
09:40to stay for a few weeks.
09:42His mother's sick of him.
09:46That's nice, isn't it?
09:55I bought a new nightie
09:56today, Raymond.
09:58Mm-hmm.
10:01I couldn't resist it.
10:03It's so silky.
10:05It's called
10:06Satin Passion.
10:08Really?
10:11I know it's extravagant,
10:13but it was in the sale.
10:15Β£60.
10:17What?
10:19Take it off.
10:19Take it off right now.
10:21Do you really want me to?
10:22I know, certainly do.
10:23That's going straight back
10:24to the shop.
10:26Β£60?
10:27But that's hardly anything
10:28to it.
10:30Really, Patricia,
10:31if you're going to spend
10:31that kind of money
10:32on a garment,
10:32you might at least
10:33purchase something
10:34vaguely functional.
10:35Wandering round in that,
10:37you'll catch a death.
10:39I suggest you change it
10:40for something knee-length.
10:43In flannelette.
10:46I thought you might like it.
10:49I thought it might turn you on.
10:52Patricia,
10:53I think you've known me
10:54long enough to realise
10:55that a reckless disregard
10:56for the value of money
10:57is scarcely likely
10:58to excite me.
10:59I'm all for the occasional
11:00rash and exuberant
11:02gesture of frivolity.
11:03But Β£60 for a wisp
11:05of chiffon and a shoelace
11:07is palpably the same.
11:09Now, if you'll excuse me,
11:10I will return to my book.
11:13Raymond!
11:14I feel like a dried-up
11:15old prune.
11:17Now, there's a thought,
11:18Patricia.
11:19Delicious and very good
11:20for the bowel.
11:22I wonder if you're
11:22going downstairs.
11:25Raymond!
11:26You're not listening to me!
11:29We are not the first
11:30and we won't be the last
11:31couple to have problems
11:33with our sex life.
11:34We do not have problems.
11:35We do not have a sex life.
11:36In which case,
11:37I really don't see
11:37how there can be a problem
11:38with it.
11:40Really, Patricia,
11:41you're not making sense.
11:42You can't just ignore it,
11:43Raymond.
11:45I want us to see
11:46a sex therapist.
11:47Oh, please,
11:48not that again.
11:50We need help!
11:51We do not!
11:52I'm quite capable
11:53of satisfying
11:55the woman I love
11:57without instructions
11:58from a total stranger
11:59sitting on a bean bag.
12:02Then let's do it!
12:04I want seeing to!
12:06I want the servicing!
12:09I want to be ravished
12:10right now
12:11with a light sun
12:12and your socks off!
12:15If you love me,
12:16show me you love me!
12:18You're used to.
12:19What's changed?
12:20Nothing's changed.
12:22Look, I...
12:27Look, I can't,
12:28Patricia.
12:29Not now.
12:31Not with my boy
12:31in the house.
12:32I mean,
12:33if he were to hear us,
12:34you know,
12:34it just feels strange.
12:37That's a pathetic excuse.
12:38It's not!
12:40We can only hope
12:41to curb the excesses
12:42of youth
12:42if we lead by example
12:44and show some
12:45self-restraint ourselves.
12:46There's nothing wrong
12:48with knocking!
12:51He's still very young
12:52and impressionable.
12:54Not much older
12:54than that lad
12:55we've got at the station.
12:56He could end up
12:57going the same way.
12:58I wonder what Bill
12:59gets up to at night.
13:01Considerably more
13:02than we do,
13:02I should imagine.
13:04I'll see you
13:05in the morning.
13:18I'll see you in the morning.
13:27Do you want an egg on that?
13:29Yes, thank you, Patricia.
13:30That'd be very nice.
13:43Yes, well,
13:43I like a runny yolk.
13:47Ah, good morning, Bill.
13:49Patricia and I
13:50were just saying
13:51how nice it is
13:51to have you home.
13:53Oh.
13:56You're having a friend
13:57to stay, are you?
13:58Yeah.
13:59Is there a problem?
14:00No.
14:01No, that's lovely.
14:03You made up the bed
14:04in the spare room,
14:05did you?
14:06You find the sheets,
14:07all right?
14:08Top shelf,
14:08the airing cupboard.
14:09Yeah, sure, Dad.
14:10Spare bed, right?
14:11Yeah.
14:14Well,
14:16well, come on, Bill,
14:17you're not being
14:17much of a host.
14:18Dear me,
14:19leaving your friends
14:19standing around like that,
14:21get us some toast.
14:21We can all sit down
14:22and have a nice
14:23family breakfast.
14:25No, thanks.
14:29Well, I'm glad
14:30we abstained from sex
14:31on his behalf.
14:33Oh, come on now, Patricia,
14:34don't jump to conclusions.
14:36She's just a pal.
14:39Anything more intimate
14:40than that.
14:41They've probably
14:42just gone upstairs
14:42to revise for exams.
14:48Practical biology,
14:49do you think?
14:55Morning, everyone.
14:56Carry on.
14:57We've still got
14:58that young lad in
14:58for twocking.
14:59Twock-twocking,
15:00Constable Habbie?
15:01Twocking?
15:02What do you mean?
15:03I mean,
15:04taking without consent,
15:05Inspector,
15:05as in cars.
15:06Then say so,
15:07Constable.
15:08A criminal charge
15:09leaves no room
15:10for ambiguity.
15:11Start dropping bits
15:12willy-nilly
15:13and where will it end?
15:14We might arrest
15:15a fellow for burglary,
15:16drop a couple of letters
15:17to save time
15:18and end up charging
15:19him for buggery.
15:23Sir, another petition
15:24from Lavender
15:24close about the
15:25loud sex noises.
15:27Ah, the noisy
15:28nympho at number nine.
15:29Great balls
15:30of steaming oodger.
15:32Is that woman
15:32still at it?
15:33I suppose we'd
15:34better bring her in.
15:35Like a good
15:35asking her to come
15:36quietly, I suppose.
15:41There is a place
15:42for smutty innuendo,
15:43Constable Habbie.
15:44And that place
15:45is on birds
15:46of a feather.
15:48Gadsden,
15:49I suppose you'd
15:49better bring
15:50a foul woman in.
15:51She'd be abusive,
15:52sir.
15:52She always is.
15:53Then arrest her.
15:54Put the handcuffs
15:55on her.
15:55That might make her think.
15:56I'll tell you what,
15:57Frank,
15:58stick them on her ankles.
15:59That'll solve
15:59the whole thing.
16:02What are we going
16:03to do about this
16:04young lad in the cell,
16:04sir?
16:05He's been charged
16:06and we can't
16:06hold him forever.
16:07Detective Constable
16:08Cray,
16:08does Inspector
16:09Grimm still want
16:10to interview
16:11this car thief
16:11we're holding?
16:12He's at Scotland
16:13Yard, sir.
16:14This is a
16:15nationwide operation.
16:17Everything's bigger
16:17in CID,
16:18innit?
16:20Scotland Yard,
16:21eh?
16:23I've only ever
16:24been to Scotland
16:25Yard once.
16:26One of the best
16:27school trips
16:28we ever went on.
16:31Nationwide
16:32operation, eh?
16:33Blimey.
16:36Perhaps I'd
16:36better go and
16:37have a chat
16:37with the lad.
16:44All right,
16:45Goody,
16:45you've spoken
16:45to the boy,
16:46studied him,
16:47no doubt
16:48constructed a
16:48detailed psychological
16:49profile.
16:51Have you drawn
16:51any conclusions?
16:52Yes,
16:53I have,
16:53sir.
16:54Good.
16:54And what are they?
16:55He's a right
16:55little scumbag.
16:58The fact,
16:59Goody,
16:59that you possess
17:00a GCSE in
17:01English language
17:02casts a dark
17:03shadow of doubt
17:04across the entire
17:05British educational
17:05system.
17:07And who is he?
17:09Well,
17:09he won't give us
17:10his name.
17:10He says he never
17:11sees his family,
17:12says his father
17:12left home,
17:13lives where he
17:14likes,
17:14does what he
17:15chooses.
17:16Sad,
17:17isn't it?
17:17When fathers
17:18desert their
17:19responsibilities
17:19and break
17:20families up.
17:25young blokes
17:26get married
17:26without thinking,
17:27get some poor
17:27bird up the
17:28daff and nap
17:28off.
17:32Really terrible.
17:35How is your
17:36ex-wife,
17:37sir?
17:40And your
17:41son?
17:42Well enough,
17:43thank you,
17:43Goody,
17:43considering the
17:44overwhelming
17:45social burdens
17:46that I place
17:46upon them.
17:49All right,
17:49laddie,
17:50don't play
17:50games with us
17:51so we can
17:51make life
17:52pretty difficult
17:52for if you
17:53do.
17:54Now,
17:54give me your
17:54name.
17:55Oh,
17:55Ivor.
17:57You see,
17:57Goody,
17:58a firm
17:58authoritative
17:59approach,
18:00normally bears
18:00results.
18:02All right,
18:02Ivor,
18:03what's your
18:03surname?
18:05Began.
18:08Most of all,
18:09kindly note,
18:10Ivor
18:11Began.
18:19Oh,
18:20I see.
18:22Comedian.
18:24Yes,
18:24sir,
18:24he's already
18:25named his
18:25two Scottish
18:26associates,
18:27Ben Doon
18:28and Phil
18:28McAvity.
18:31It's come
18:32to a funny
18:33state of
18:33affairs
18:34when a
18:34woman
18:35can't have
18:35a bit
18:36of rum
18:36put in
18:36the privacy
18:37of her own
18:37bedroom.
18:41It's having
18:42it in your
18:42back garden
18:43that people
18:43are objecting
18:44to.
18:44We've done it
18:45in the shed.
18:46The shed
18:47collapsed.
18:49In fact,
18:50sheds collapse
18:50like dominoes
18:51all along
18:52Divinity Road.
18:53Mr Jones
18:54from number
18:5436
18:55phoned us.
18:56He claimed
18:56his compost heap
18:57was bouncing
18:58round the lawn.
19:00Look,
19:00Sergeant,
19:01you're a woman.
19:02You know
19:03about a woman's
19:04needs.
19:05When a woman
19:06needs love,
19:06she's got to
19:07have it.
19:08Otherwise,
19:08she's just a
19:09dried up old
19:10prune.
19:13It doesn't
19:14strike me
19:14that banging
19:15away in the
19:15potting shed
19:16screaming,
19:16do it to me,
19:17big boy,
19:17at the top of
19:17your voice
19:18has much to
19:18do with
19:19love.
19:19Well,
19:19I love it.
19:22I love it.
19:22sucking the
19:23middle bits
19:23out of
19:23walnut whips,
19:24but that
19:24doesn't mean
19:25I have the
19:25right to
19:25make everybody
19:26else listen
19:26to me.
19:26Do it!
19:27Take it away
19:28and charge her.
19:32Cup of tea,
19:33Pat.
19:34You're all right?
19:35Look a bit down.
19:36Don't be silly,
19:37Maggie.
19:37I'm just a dowdy
19:38old drab with
19:39a sex appeal
19:39of a toilet brush.
19:40Why on earth
19:40would I feel
19:41down?
19:42Sergeant
19:42Dawkins,
19:44I'm back
19:44from Scotland
19:45Yard.
19:46Were there
19:46any messages
19:47for me while
19:47I was at
19:48Scotland Yard?
19:49No,
19:50Inspector Grimm.
19:51Good.
19:51Good,
19:52good.
19:54So,
19:55no messages
19:56from Scotland Yard
19:57then?
19:57It's just
19:58I've been
19:58at Scotland Yard
19:59I thought
19:59there might
20:00be a message.
20:02Good.
20:05Ah,
20:06Inspector Grimm.
20:07Yes,
20:08yes, I've been
20:08to Scotland Yard
20:10for Yard.
20:12It's not such
20:12a big deal
20:13I wish people
20:14wouldn't keep
20:14going on about it.
20:16This business
20:17are yobbos
20:18nicking cars
20:19for major villains.
20:21Big worry
20:22for the boys
20:22at Scotters.
20:26That's why
20:27they sent
20:27for Grimm
20:28of Gasford.
20:29Yes.
20:30Well,
20:30we're still
20:30holding one
20:31of the hooligans.
20:32Perhaps you'd like to...
20:33all in good time
20:34after I've had
20:34my lunch,
20:35Fowler.
20:36Right?
20:37Did you book
20:38somewhere nice?
20:38Of course I did,
20:39sir.
20:40A pizza lap.
20:40Not too near a sunfire.
20:42Thank you,
20:42Constable Habib.
20:44No chocky hobnobs.
20:46Great,
20:47not so.
20:47Only rich cheap.
20:49Well,
20:50perhaps that's
20:50as it should be.
20:52Perhaps a man
20:53who has failed
20:54in his duty
20:54to society
20:55doesn't deserve
20:56his choice of bicky.
20:58How's that,
20:58sir?
20:59That lad
20:59we're holding
21:00in the interview room.
21:02Arrogant,
21:02rude,
21:03opinionated,
21:04unpleasant.
21:06He could be
21:06my own son.
21:08You think so,
21:08sir?
21:09Yes,
21:09I do.
21:10Tomorrow,
21:10perhaps,
21:11it will be my boy.
21:12The lad we've
21:13collared comes
21:14from a broken
21:14home,
21:15just like my lad.
21:16Broken home?
21:17It's a terrible
21:17thing to say,
21:18sir.
21:19Lots of couples
21:19split up.
21:20It doesn't mean
21:21their kids are
21:21going to turn
21:22out to be louts.
21:23Oh,
21:24true,
21:24true.
21:26I suppose
21:26the first six
21:27children in line
21:28to the throne
21:29come from
21:29broken homes.
21:30That's right,
21:31sir.
21:31Can't see much
21:32chance of us
21:32pulling William
21:33and Harry for
21:33to take him
21:35without consent.
21:38Thank you,
21:38Constable Habib.
21:39You have a wise
21:40head on those
21:41young shoulders.
21:42I'd like to say
21:43something else
21:43if that's all right,
21:44Inspector.
21:45Very well,
21:46Constable.
21:46What is it?
21:47Well,
21:48it's none of my
21:48business,
21:49but I think
21:49you might worry
21:50a bit less
21:50about your old
21:51relationships
21:52and a bit more
21:53about your
21:53current one.
21:55Sergeant Dawkins,
21:56you mean?
21:57I know it's not
21:57my place to
21:58interfere, sir,
21:59but, well,
21:59she does seem
22:00very low.
22:01Hmm.
22:02Hmm.
22:03Yes, well,
22:04perhaps you're right.
22:06Thank you for
22:06bringing this matter
22:07to my attention,
22:07Constable.
22:08I will act
22:09on information
22:10received.
22:16Sorry about
22:17trying to kill you
22:17last night,
22:18Inspector.
22:19I didn't mean
22:19no harm by it.
22:20No, well,
22:21contrition is the
22:22first step to
22:23rehabilitation.
22:24What you have to
22:24do now is
22:25smarten yourself
22:25up,
22:26think positively,
22:27exercise,
22:28fresh air,
22:29plenty of roughage.
22:31And stop
22:32taking heroin.
22:35Yes, well,
22:36I think that has
22:36to be very much
22:37a factor in the
22:37new you.
22:39Good luck in court.
22:45Patricia?
22:46Yes?
22:47I would rather
22:48drink from the
22:49bladder of a
22:50baboon than
22:50say what I'm
22:51about to say.
22:53However,
22:54I've decided
22:55that it is unfair
22:56of me to ignore
22:57your frustrations
22:57any longer.
22:59I have been
22:59selfish.
23:00People have to
23:01work at
23:02relationships.
23:03It's like
23:03anything in life.
23:04You get out
23:05what you put in.
23:05Exactly so.
23:06And you haven't
23:07put anything in
23:07for a long time.
23:10I'm aware of that.
23:11And I've
23:12therefore decided
23:12that possibly
23:13one day,
23:15as a very
23:15last resort,
23:16once we've
23:17tried acupuncture,
23:19oyster diets
23:20and watching
23:21late-night
23:21Channel 4.
23:22And I might
23:23possibly consent
23:25to us visiting
23:26some form
23:27of sex therapist.
23:30Thank you,
23:31Raymond.
23:32I'll phone and see
23:33if she can see us
23:34this lunchtime.
23:37please, please,
23:38please believe me.
23:40Talking about
23:40sex is not
23:41embarrassing.
23:43Ripple flap,
23:44bottom,
23:45hyper-sausage.
23:48I am not
23:49remotely embarrassed.
23:51So very much
23:52on your own
23:52there, then.
23:54Last night,
23:55I did it
23:56bent backwards
23:56over the
23:57sitting room.
23:57Puff.
24:01She's doing
24:01something like
24:02that is as
24:03normal and
24:04ordinary as
24:04saying good
24:05morning.
24:05I don't want
24:06to hear about
24:06you bending
24:06over backwards.
24:07That's because
24:08you're repressed.
24:09No, I just
24:10want to keep
24:10my dinner down.
24:12You can't be
24:13hostile, Raymond.
24:14We agreed to
24:14give it a try.
24:15The first
24:16principle of
24:17sex therapy
24:18is sex
24:19deprivation.
24:20You must
24:21agree not to
24:21have sex,
24:22to deny each
24:23other all
24:24physical contact.
24:25Do you think
24:26you can do
24:26that for me?
24:28Patricia,
24:28this woman's
24:29costing us
24:29Β£40.
24:31Right.
24:32Now, tomorrow,
24:33I want you to
24:34come in wearing
24:34only your
24:35underwear.
24:36You will sit
24:37facing each
24:37other, but
24:38won't touch
24:39each other.
24:40This way,
24:41the spark of
24:41desire will be
24:42rekindled through
24:43deprivation and
24:44denial.
24:45After which,
24:46of course,
24:46the licking
24:47can start.
24:49Please,
24:51don't worry.
24:52In order that
24:52no-one should
24:53feel embarrassed,
24:54I, too,
24:55will be wearing
24:55only underwear.
24:58Of course,
24:59by the end
24:59of the week,
25:00we shall all
25:00be completely
25:01naked.
25:02Come on,
25:03let's not
25:03wait.
25:04Let's do it
25:05now.
25:17Sir,
25:18Detective
25:18Inspector Grimm
25:19said he wanted
25:20to see you
25:20when you got
25:20back.
25:21Thank you,
25:21Constable
25:21Nipple.
25:26So, this
25:27young twocker
25:28comes from
25:29a broken
25:29home,
25:30eh?
25:31You're a
25:33divorcee,
25:33aren't you,
25:34Inspector
25:34Fellow?
25:35Left your
25:36wife alone
25:37with a kid,
25:38did you not?
25:39I'm sorry for
25:41you, of course.
25:41As a dedicated
25:43family man,
25:44I know what
25:44you've missed.
25:46Right, then,
25:48let's have a look
25:48at this car thief.
25:50More a delinquent
25:51than a thief,
25:51I think.
25:52I doubt this lad
25:53has the brains
25:53to fence a stolen car.
25:55Allow me to be
25:55the judge of that
25:56fella.
25:57As a highly
25:58trained detective
25:59and confidant
26:00of Scotland Yard,
26:01I shall know
26:03instantly
26:03whether this lad
26:05is a malevolent
26:07criminal genius
26:08or the cretinous
26:09child of a
26:10brainless swine.
26:15Derek!
26:16Hello, Dad.
26:20I'm not a
26:21vindictive man,
26:22Patricia,
26:23which is probably
26:24why I've remained
26:24in uniform.
26:26We charge the lad
26:27with taking without
26:28consent, of course,
26:29but I've agreed to
26:30keep the matter
26:31as quiet as possible.
26:32I don't know why.
26:33Inspector Grimm's
26:34such a pig.
26:35Why should you
26:35do him any favours?
26:36Well, virtue
26:37is its own reward.
26:39In this case,
26:39Grimm gave me
26:40two tickets
26:41to tonight's
26:42all-night rave,
26:43which his son
26:43will not now
26:44be attending.
26:45I thought perhaps
26:46you and Rona
26:47might like them, Bill.
26:49No, thanks, Dad.
26:50Oh.
26:51So you're staying
26:52in tonight, then?
26:53Are you sure
26:54you can't be persuaded
26:55to wildly
26:55prance off
26:56with your pal?
26:58No, I'm going
26:58down to the library.
26:59You don't get to
27:00university going
27:01to raves, do you?
27:03And it's
27:04to prance
27:04wildly, Dad.
27:05Don't split
27:06your infinitives.
27:12Perhaps I misjudged
27:13the boy.
27:14However, the point
27:15is that we are
27:17alone.
27:18Yes, Raymond.
27:19And what I should
27:20like to propose
27:21is that we clear
27:22away the things,
27:23do the washing up,
27:25and then perhaps
27:26a bit of rumpy.
27:29I'll just have
27:30another cup
27:30with a megabond.
27:32I should like
27:32to make love
27:33tonight, Patricia.
27:35Perhaps
27:36tomorrow morning.
27:38I might even
27:39be persuaded
27:40to have a bash
27:41at a different
27:41position.
27:41situation.
27:43This is so sudden.
27:46So the sex therapist
27:48worked?
27:48Worked.
27:49She's a genius.
27:50Because I will do
27:51anything, absolutely
27:53anything, as long as
27:54I don't have to visit
27:55that foul woman ever
27:56again.
28:26care.
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