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00:06you manage granddad yeah mind your earn here yeah that's not bad you know not bad i reckon
00:14we've done well there waste of money if you ask me come all this way you know what do you
00:22mean
00:22a waste of money i mean look at them they're beautiful aren't they not only are they an
00:26exquisite ornament guaranteed to brighten and adorn any cyborg but they are also a revolving
00:32a musical box they are china cats that play how much is that doggy in the window
00:40what do you want for one pound twenty five oakler bleed no much
00:45well don't you think it's a bit sick you know a cat playing a song about a dog
00:52it means they're unique it means there was a balls up at the factory and they put the wrong
00:57chimes in yeah yeah i'll put the wrong chimes in you in a minute come on put this stuff loaded
01:05into
01:05the fan right get this gear in here hold on then actually you know he's got a point there i
01:12bet
01:12there's some trader somewhere who's got lumbered with a grosser revolving dogs to play to sign
01:17these cats so very funny come on granddad we want you in here and all go ahead in you go
01:22all right all right jam i mean go on the door i'll hold him in
01:31don't worry we're gonna run out of this
01:35now listen she's not rubbish you know this is north korea's finest porcelain
01:42but our two great cultures have a different attitude towards animals
01:46we are both a nation of dog lovers the only difference is they love to eat them
01:53come on rodders keep your finger out we've got a long drive home
02:04do they really eat them yeah would i lie to you
02:10now if a north korean came to live in london he'd think that that's his dog zone was a takeaway
02:16no there's nothing they like more than a nice plate of poodle kebabs
02:21leave it out will you
02:25or bull cherry or pie
02:26oh my dear boy that's enough
02:30or sweet and sour greyhound
02:35oi one more out of you and i'm gonna be sick on your sheepskin and i mean it
02:47go on put your foot down rodney
02:49starving i could just go a nice jack russell and chips
02:53oh for the last time you shut up
02:58hey look should we pull over and give her an hand
03:00do me a favor i want to go home for the pubs
03:02we can't just leave her stuck out here in the middle of nowhere can we
03:05you're a right little angel you are anyway go on then go on pull over
03:17good afternoon madam can i be of any assistance oh that's awfully nice of you
03:21do you know anything about cars do i know anything about cars i used to drive for the john
03:26play a special team on the grand prix circuit no delivering fags around moose
03:33he's a car isn't he
03:37i'm trying to get to ridgemere hall it's that large estate about five miles back up the road
03:42ridgemere hall that's that big mansion what we passed del
03:47you in service there certainly not i live there i'm lady ridgemere
03:53lady ridgemere rodney get the toro
03:58do you come with me my lady i'll get you home in no time at all here we are did
04:05you go to the
04:06wedding
04:08the wedding oh the wedding yes we did yeah it was a lovely do wasn't it yeah we watched it
04:15on our telly
04:15in color it's a pity we didn't know you then because we were doing a lovely line in toasters
04:20and we're made up blind in present may i now it's it mind the old
04:32and i'm going to show you up
04:52and if i don't do the tow rope and give grandaddy's scarf back will you
04:59Is everything all right, m'lady?
05:01No, Wallace. Everything is not all right.
05:04The car broke down and I was stranded in the middle of nowhere.
05:08How dreadful for you.
05:10And who are these people?
05:16Oh, they told me home, that's all.
05:19Now, be a good chap, Wallace, and do push the car around to the garage.
05:22Very well, m'lady.
05:25Oh, hey, you shouldn't be pushing a car like that at your age.
05:28Keep your knees bent and your back straight.
05:40Did you hear that?
05:42And who are these people?
05:45Ponce.
05:46Come, Dill, let's go. Here you are, Grandad.
05:48Go? What do you mean, go?
05:50You don't think I'm leaving here without so much as a cucumber sandwich and a cup of the Earl Grey,
05:54do you?
05:55This is fate, Rodney.
05:57Unison opportune air.
05:58There's got to be an earner in it.
06:00Oh, no, come on, Dill.
06:02Most nobility of Brassic now, don't they?
06:04Oh, yeah.
06:04Where do you think they get them from, then, eh?
06:06Out of a Christmas cracker?
06:08Yeah, all right.
06:08So they got the money, but they don't want to know the likes of us, do they?
06:11No, they think we're peasants.
06:14Peasants?
06:15What do you mean, peasants?
06:17They may think that you two are peasants.
06:20Well, come to that, I think you two are peasants.
06:23But me, I'm one of them that is accepted anywhere.
06:26Whether it is drinking lager with the market boys down at Nine Elms,
06:29or sipping Pim's Fruit Cup at Hendon Regatta.
06:35Boy, eyes down for the full house, it's his lordship.
06:40Say, I'm sorry, I'm afraid we're not open to the public for another three weeks.
06:44No, no, Your Grace, you're under a misapprehension.
06:46We're not members of the general public, we're friends of your wife's.
06:50She's just popped a car round her garages.
06:52Oh, I see.
06:52Well, in that case, I suppose you'd better come in.
06:56Oh, right.
06:57Thanks very much, Your Grace.
07:01And, oi, these are very refined people,
07:04and they do not wish to hear your joke about the queer magician.
07:07Not it?
07:09And don't you go dropping none in there.
07:18Very nice.
07:20Very nice.
07:21They don't make pictures like that anymore, do they, eh?
07:23No.
07:24Because I'm a great fan of the Byzantine period myself.
07:27I don't think you can whack them, you know.
07:29Now, it's a funny thing, you know, your lordship, but Van Coff happens to be my favourite artist and all.
07:34It's a canaletto.
07:38I beg your pardon, Rodney?
07:39It's a canaletto.
07:44I know.
07:45I know it's a canaletto.
07:47I was just saying that Van Coff happens to be one of my favourite artists, that's all.
07:52Here, why do you reckon he chopped his ear roll off him?
07:55Doctor's orders, possibly?
07:56Do you think so?
07:57Your brandy, sir.
07:59Oh, thank you very much.
08:00I'm afraid we have run out of cream soda.
08:03Oh, well, don't worry about it, Wallace.
08:04I shan't, sir.
08:07Certainly.
08:07Gives good measures here, doesn't it?
08:09You want to watch him?
08:10Hmm.
08:11Very nice.
08:12Very nice.
08:13Ah!
08:13Ah-ha!
08:14There he is.
08:14Look at that.
08:15Ah-ha-ha.
08:16Love it.
08:16I didn't know you went to Cambridge, don't you, my lord?
08:19Of course, sir, I'm a Oxford man meself.
08:22You were up at Oxford?
08:23No, but he always supports them in the boat run.
08:26Yeah.
08:27Thank you, Grandad.
08:28You must be in a hurry to get home, Mr. Trotter.
08:30Oh, no, no, no, my lady.
08:32No, no, no.
08:33Now we've got all the time in the world.
08:34All the time in the world.
08:39Yeah.
08:39I love this place.
08:40It's beautiful, isn't it?
08:41Beautiful house.
08:42Because I think I saw a photograph of it once in the Orson Hound.
08:45The Orson Hound?
08:47You hunt, Mr. Trotter.
08:48Oh, yes.
08:49I hunt, pun, and ski when the snow's firm enough.
08:53How old is it?
08:54Uh, is what?
08:55Old is what?
08:55The house.
08:56Is it old?
08:57Yes.
08:57The original structure was built in 1642.
09:00Oh.
09:02Still, you've done it out nice.
09:04No, but...
09:05Is it haunted?
09:06Oh, what are you after?
09:07A part-time job or something?
09:09No, I'm afraid the one thing we lack is a resident ghost.
09:12Oh.
09:14Never mind, you've still got Wallace, haven't you?
09:15Yes, Wallace, what is it?
09:16I'm begging your pardon, my lord.
09:18There's a telephone call for you.
09:19The chandelier people.
09:21Ah, and about time to, uh...
09:22You will excuse me, won't you?
09:25Yes, go on.
09:26You take your time, my lord?
09:27Oh, this is nice.
09:28I see you like a bit of china and porcelain, my lady.
09:30Yeah, this is very nice, this.
09:32Oh.
09:34Oh.
09:35I like this.
09:36Now, don't tell me, don't tell me...
09:38Uh, Capo del Monte.
09:40It's mostly Dresden, and that particular piece is worth several hundred pounds.
09:44Is she really?
09:45Go on, get away.
09:46Feel the weight of that then, Rodney.
09:48Yeah, it is, isn't it?
09:49Yeah, of course, that's where the money is, isn't it?
09:50In the weight.
09:51Yeah, well, mon dieu.
09:52Mon dieu.
09:53If you like a nice piece of fine porcelain, I've got the very thing for you in the back
09:58of the van.
10:00Don't inconvenience yourself, Mr. Trotter.
10:02No, no, it's no trouble, my lady, no trouble.
10:04I picked it up in this little antique shop in Yeovil.
10:07Well, it's, um, it's, well, Circa, something or other.
10:11I'll pop out and fetch one for you, shall I?
10:13All right, keep sprancing, all right?
10:15Excuse me, my lady.
10:23Where do you live?
10:25That is, assuming you're not squatting here.
10:29No, um, we live in London.
10:32One of, one of the better parts of London.
10:34Yeah, Peckham.
10:36Well, it's, um, Peckham Village, actually.
10:40It's, um, well, it's like a little St. John's Wood, you know, just south of the water.
10:44Yeah, it's very nice.
10:45We've got a flat in a tower block.
10:47Well, it's, it's an apartment in a, in a complex.
10:51A tall complex.
10:53Very sophisticated, actually.
10:54It's got lifts, everything.
10:58Oh, yes.
10:59Must be quite valuable with the price of property these days.
11:02Oh, no, we rent it.
11:04Oh, we, we lease it.
11:06It, um, he forgets, bless him.
11:08He's got a bit of shrapnel.
11:10Just, it's a lease, Grandad.
11:12Do you remember?
11:13A long-term lease.
11:14Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, we lease it.
11:17The council said we could buy it for 8,000.
11:21Come on, you puss.
11:23Yes, yes, but it must be in your office somewhere.
11:26All I know is your people came down here, examined the chandeliers.
11:29That was three weeks ago, and I am still waiting for your estimate.
11:34Yes, well, I suggest that you have another good look.
11:37Yes, I'll hold on.
11:41Bisk Porcelain.
11:43Demi-glazed, it revolves and plays How Much Is That Doggy In The Window.
11:47You can't go wrong for a fiver, can you, eh?
11:49Of course, I suppose not.
11:50No.
11:51Don't be long, I'll pour you a drink, all right?
11:54Just a minute, Trotter.
11:55No, no, no, Trotter.
11:57How much is that doggy in the window?
11:59I don't know, depends how much you want to spend.
12:02Little joke.
12:03No, no, it's the tune, isn't it?
12:04How much is that doggy in the window?
12:06The one with the waggly-tailed.
12:08Yes, yes, yes, I know.
12:10The thing is a cat.
12:16Oh, well, you're right and all.
12:17It's times like this that I wish I went to Cambridge.
12:20Tell you what, I'll pour you a drink.
12:22Don't be long.
12:23Oh, are you fine, dear?
12:24Good.
12:26Twelve hundred pounds?
12:28Are you sure you're looking at the right paperwork?
12:30Yes, two Louis XIV chandeliers, that's right.
12:32But how do you arrive at a figure of twelve hundred pounds?
12:35All you've got to do is to take the things down,
12:37clean them, do a few minor repairs.
12:39Yes, I am aware that it is 17th century French crystal.
12:43I own the damn things.
12:45Yes, I know it's a job for an expert.
12:46That's why I got in touch with you.
12:47But I'm sure if I shopped around,
12:49I could find a lower estimate than that.
12:52Yes, I know that it is a dying trade.
12:55But there must be someone, somewhere.
12:59Oh, sorry we can't stay any longer, dear Lordship.
13:04Oh, that's better than that, brother.
13:05Here you go.
13:07Oh, toujours la politesse, toujours la.
13:11I mean, this is beautiful, isn't it, mate?
13:13Bet you've held a few balls in here, my lady.
13:15What?
13:17Yes, we have.
13:19We like a nice social gathering ourselves.
13:21Perhaps you'd like to come to the next one, eh, Rodney?
13:23Yeah, yeah, I mean, you know,
13:25just bring a bottle and an LP, something.
13:27Thank you for the cat, Mr Trotter.
13:29It blends so well with the rest of my collection.
13:32Especially with the Dresden, I thought.
13:34Yes.
13:34I'm sorry we weren't able to pay you for it,
13:36but neither my husband or I carry cash.
13:39Oh, don't worry.
13:40Pay me next time I'm down.
13:41Yes, of course.
13:42What do you mean, next time?
13:43Did you mean to say you're coming here again?
13:45Whatever for?
13:46To pick up that fiver she owes him.
13:50Alamode, Alamode.
13:52Please accept it as a token of my esteem.
13:56Yes, this is getting rather late, I think.
13:59We'd better say goodbye, Mr Trotter.
14:01Yeah.
14:02Well, thank you very much for your hospitality.
14:04It's been very nice looking.
14:05Oh, now, look at that.
14:07That's beautiful, isn't it, eh?
14:09Yes.
14:10Goodbye.
14:11French crystal?
14:12Yes, it is, actually.
14:13Yeah, I thought it was.
14:14You can always tell by the old cut of the droplets.
14:1817th century, that, ain't it, Grandad?
14:21Yeah, if you like, Gil.
14:22I'd say it was one of the Louises.
14:24If it ain't one of the Louises, it's very similar, ain't it, Rodney?
14:28Oh, it's Dave Renadil, yeah.
14:29Yeah, yeah.
14:30But is it Louis XIII or Louis XIV?
14:34Now, don't tell me, Lordship, I can get this.
14:37That is Louis XIV.
14:39Am I right, Your Lordship?
14:40Spot on, Trotter.
14:41How'd you come to know so much about chandeliers?
14:43Huh?
14:44Oh!
14:46How come we know so much about chandeliers?
14:54Oh, sorry.
14:55Sorry about that amusement there, Your Lordship.
14:57But, see, asking a Trotter if he knows anything about chandeliers is like asking Mr. Kipling if he knows anything
15:01about cakes.
15:04This is our business.
15:06Really?
15:07Oh, yeah.
15:08Chandelier, candelabra, quality crystal and what have you.
15:11That's been the family trade for generations.
15:13Well, knowledge has been passed down from father to son.
15:16Our name goes right back in history, doesn't it, wasn't it?
15:20Yeah, yeah.
15:22Right the way back to the plague.
15:29Our forefathers used to make them.
15:31Did you know there are still four Trotters hanging in Buckingham Palace?
15:37Amazing.
15:38No, straight up.
15:40Of course, what with the advent of solar energy and fluorescent lighting, there's not much called for it nowadays.
15:45In recent years, we've tended to specialise in the old renovation work.
15:49Do you mean to say that you can take that thing down and clean and repair it?
15:53Oh, yeah.
15:54Do that blindfold.
15:55Anyway, we mustn't keep you any later, so I'm going to say bon bouche to you.
15:59No hurry, Trotter, no hurry.
16:01I just remembered, I've got a bottle of rather special port through there in the study.
16:05What say we open it and have a bit of a chat, eh?
16:07Oh, that's very civil of you, my Lord.
16:13Well, don't be a plonker all your life, Rodney.
16:15I've done the deal now.
16:17It's 350 quid, just to take down and clean a couple of chandeliers.
16:20And do you honestly think he's going to pay us?
16:22Of course he's going to pay us.
16:23He ain't one of your flyby night merchants.
16:26I mean, he's the lord of the realm.
16:27He's got blue blood and mottos.
16:30He didn't even pay us for that cat.
16:32Oh, shut up, I bet that rotten cat.
16:35Girl, you need specialised equipment for a job like this.
16:38Refined glass brushes, advanced soldiering gear.
16:41What are we going to use, eh?
16:43Superglue and a bottle of wind and lean, no matter what.
16:46I'll get the right equipment, Rodney.
16:48I know this panel beater and he owes me a favour.
16:51Look, once we've done this job, our name will spread.
16:53All those dukes and earls, they'll be crying out for us.
16:56Can't just imagine it, eh?
16:58We'd be the toast of the county set, eh?
17:00Just think of it.
17:01All the hounds, you know, baying with excitement.
17:04As our steeds bite on the reins eager for the chase.
17:07Whoa, boy, whoa, whoa.
17:09Oh, hello, it's Taliyo, Sir Herbert.
17:11Did you Ken John Peel?
17:13Come on, boy.
17:14Just take a look at him, Will.
17:16He spent three hours in a stately home and he thinks he's the Earl of Sandwich.
17:19You can't wait to get a shotgun and a retriever
17:22and go marching across the grouse moors all done up like a ploughman's lunch, can you?
17:27No, that's right, Rodney.
17:29I deserve a bit of a good life.
17:31I've worked hard enough for it.
17:33I mean, I've always been a trier.
17:34Yeah.
17:35Yeah, well, where's it got me?
17:38Nowhere, that's where it's got me.
17:40We live half a mile up in the sky in this Lego set built by the council.
17:45Run a three-wheel van with a bald tyre.
17:48We drink in wine bars.
17:49The only thing that's got a vintage is the governor's wife.
17:52That's why I want to grab this opportunity with both hands, Rodney.
17:55You know, he who dares wins.
17:58This time next year, we'll be millionaires.
18:01Do you honestly believe that, Dale?
18:03I mean, do you really think we can make a success of this?
18:06Of course we can, Rodney.
18:08The door will be open to a new world.
18:10It'll be like Alex through the looking glass.
18:14Because you will dine at the finest restaurants on steak chasseur and sauté potatoes.
18:20Your shoes will be made by Gucci.
18:23Your jewellery will come from Aspreys.
18:25Your clothes will be made by a man at C&A.
18:32What do you reckon, Rodney, eh?
18:34What do you reckon?
18:37Man at C&A.
18:40Yeah, all right.
18:41I'll give it a whirl.
18:42Good boy.
18:42You know it makes sense, don't you?
18:44Oi, but we do a proper job, right?
18:45No budging.
18:46Of course not.
18:47What do you take me for, eh?
18:49Oi.
18:51I'll save the best bit for you.
18:55I'll see you in the morning, then.
18:57Yeah, see you in the morning.
18:59See you.
19:00Night.
19:00Night.
19:07No budging.
19:09I think he lacks faith in you, dear boy.
19:13It's always been his trouble, ain't it, eh?
19:15Oi!
19:15Here, do me a favour, will you, Grandad?
19:18Pop out in the kitchen, see if we've got any winderlene and superglue left, will you?
19:22Yeah.
19:40Now, righto, Grandad, you pop upstairs and get the floorboards up.
19:42Now, you know what you're doing, don't you?
19:44Don't you worry, Jill.
19:45Leave it to me.
19:46Right.
19:47Nice craftsman.
19:50Oi, Grandad.
19:51Do you want a jemmy?
19:53No.
19:53Have one before we left.
19:59Why does he have to remove the floorboards?
20:02What is this?
20:03The international year to wally brain or something?
20:06Listen, my good man.
20:07How do you think that that great big heavy chandelier stays up there on that ceiling, eh?
20:11It is not by the power of prayer or double-sided sticky tape.
20:15There is a long, fretted bolt through that chandelier.
20:18It goes through a wooden joist.
20:20And he's held in position by a locking nut.
20:22Now, in order to undo the locking nut, you must first lift up the floorboards.
20:26Oh, dear, the joueur?
20:27We learn something new every day.
20:29Hmm.
20:30If you need me, I shall be round at the garages.
20:33Right.
20:34Here.
20:34While you're there, give the van a wash, will you?
20:37Oh, talking of wally brains.
20:39Hey.
20:39Come on.
20:40Wait, watch that.
20:43I mean, this is terrific, isn't it?
20:45What?
20:45His lordship's nowhere to be seen, and now even the butler's having a moody.
20:49Do you reckon we're going to get paid?
20:50Look, his lordship is away on holiday.
20:52He'll pay us when he gets back.
20:53Now, come on.
20:54Get these ladders up.
20:56Yeah, you never know.
20:57Might be in for a bonus.
20:58Oh, yeah.
20:59Perhaps he might bring us back a nice stick of rock each, eh?
21:02Well, just shut up moaning, will you?
21:03Oi, Grandad, how you doing?
21:05All right, dear old boy.
21:12Oh, bad.
21:13It's ill.
21:14Yeah, I see he's found a nut.
21:15I told you we could trust him.
21:17Right, come on.
21:17Get this out.
21:18I'm sorry to undo it.
21:20No!
21:21Go on.
21:22We better bring him up the lettuce, yeah?
21:24Grandad, don't you touch nothing till we tell you.
21:29Come on, we better get up there.
21:33Right, Rodney, is there anything you want?
21:35Yeah, I want to go home.
21:37I'll have you outside.
21:38That is all right.
21:40Look, this is the chance I've been waiting for.
21:43Now, don't let me down, Rodney.
21:44Now, don't let me down.
21:45All right?
21:46All right, Grandad, we're ready.
21:49You can start undoing it now.
21:52It is coming, girl boy.
22:03One more turn, Del.
22:05All right.
22:07Now, brace yourself, Rodney.
22:09Brace yourself.
22:27I'm doing the other chandelier.
22:32How can you tell?
22:33I'm doing the other chandelier.
22:43Okay.
22:46Okay.
22:53Okay.
22:55There we go.
23:02Alright.
23:05All right, dear boy.
23:09All right?
23:10What do you mean, all right? Look at it!
23:14Did you drop it, then?
23:17How could we drop it? We wasn't even holding it.
23:21We was working on that one.
23:23Well, I wish you'd have said something.
23:25I was working on this one.
23:29Is it very valuable, dear?
23:33No, not really.
23:35It was bleeding priceless when it was hanging up there, though.
23:40What's his lordship going to say when he finds out?
23:43Well, I think I can safely say that my invitation to the Humble has gone for her, Bert.
23:50It's broken.
23:52What the hell do you know about chandeliers, anyway?
23:57I think he's tumbled, though.
23:58I should telephone his lordship at his cottage immediately.
24:01Yeah, well, tell him to phone us at home.
24:03Oh, and by the way, has his lordship got our home address and telephone number?
24:07No.
24:08Good. Right, out of it!
24:10Call me!
24:13Amen.
24:14I'm so sorry!
24:16No.
24:17No.
24:18No.
24:19No.
24:20No.
24:21No.
24:21No.
24:22No.
24:22No.
24:23No.
24:24You