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00:00:01I've come here to sell my wares. I haven't come here to be laughed at.
00:00:04That's half that I generally mucked about. I've come to sell my wares.
00:00:06They're guaranteed, guaranteed if you're hardcore, softcore and pimples on the duck.
00:00:11Right now, what we've got here today, I'll tell you what we're doing.
00:00:13We've got the Muster F80 in-car radio cassette player, as recommended by Nigel Manson.
00:00:20No, no, no, straight up, I wouldn't mind you up, would I, on something as important as this.
00:00:23This is solid, state-of-the-art technology, this.
00:00:25And this is none of your Japanese or your German rubbish.
00:00:29No, sir, this is actually made in Albania.
00:00:34Seriously, let me show you, let me point out some of the advantages of this wonderful machine.
00:00:38It's got multiple precepts, synthesized tuners, digital scan, auto-reverse graphic equalizers.
00:00:45It's got MW, FM, VHF, LCD, RMS, B&Q and ICI, and it comes complete with two.
00:00:52Not one, two, count them, one, two, quadraphonic speakers.
00:00:56And I'm also giving away three, with this technological miracle, one Kylie Minogue LP.
00:01:03Wait a minute, only 10.99.
00:01:06No, listen, don't walk away, you could regret this for the rest of your life.
00:01:10I'll tell you what I'm going to do, forget the Kylie Minogue LP.
00:01:13Ten quid, ten quid, first come first, sir.
00:01:25Hello, Albert.
00:01:26Oh, hello, love.
00:01:28What are you up to?
00:01:29I am Trotters Independent Traders Executive Looker.
00:01:33The day Rodney went to work for your dad, I got promotion.
00:01:36Yeah? Wishing it was that easy for me.
00:01:38What?
00:01:38Had the bank said something about your new job?
00:01:40No.
00:01:41I had to sit an interview yesterday.
00:01:43My boss said he'll speak on my behalf, so it's fingers crossed.
00:01:46You'll get your promotion, Cassandra.
00:01:48I could feel it in me bones.
00:01:50He'll make a lovely anniversary present for you.
00:01:53Talking of anniversary presents, I know what Del's got for you.
00:01:57But you know me, I ain't saying nothing.
00:01:59Don't want to spoil the surprise.
00:02:01Oh, go on, spoil it.
00:02:03All right, then.
00:02:04Car radio.
00:02:05A car radio?
00:02:07I've got a radio in my car.
00:02:09Have you?
00:02:10You'll do for Rodney, then.
00:02:11Oh, yeah, look really good on his bike, won't it?
00:02:14Well, maybe Del's looking for the future.
00:02:16When you get your new job, you and Rodney have become a two-car family.
00:02:20I think it'll be a long time before Rodney and I become a two-car family.
00:02:24Yeah, but you've only been married a year.
00:02:26First two or three are always a struggle.
00:02:28It was the same with me and my wife.
00:02:30Yeah, she used to write and say how tough it was.
00:02:32What do you mean she used to write?
00:02:33Look, I was away at sea, there was a war on.
00:02:36Look, I found this this morning at the bottom of my duffel bag.
00:02:41I ain't seen it for years.
00:02:42I thought I lost it.
00:02:43Look, Uncle Albert, I've only got one hour for my lunch.
00:02:46It was midnight.
00:02:47It was the same with this little arbor.
00:02:49On board this Greek airing trawler.
00:02:51That was our cover scene.
00:02:52Oi!
00:02:54What is your game?
00:02:56You're supposed to be on lookout.
00:02:58I haven't seen you look at anything.
00:02:59The entire mass bands of the Metropolitan Police Force could march through here playing I Shop the Gerrit and you
00:03:05wouldn't see my medal.
00:03:06It's been shameless.
00:03:07She wanted to know where I won my medal.
00:03:09Yeah, it was my fault, I'm sorry.
00:03:11Anyway, I'd better be going.
00:03:12I've got to get some shopping here.
00:03:13Oh, yeah?
00:03:14What's that for?
00:03:14Tomorrow night's anniversary dinner, eh?
00:03:16Ha ha!
00:03:17What time do you want us there?
00:03:18I thought Rodney said we'd take you and Albert out to a restaurant at a later date.
00:03:22Yes, I know.
00:03:23And I told Rodney that was far too expensive.
00:03:25No, you've got to look after your pennies now, sweetheart.
00:03:27The thing is, Del, it's not so much an anniversary dinner.
00:03:30It's more business.
00:03:31I've invited a couple of people along from the bank.
00:03:34I'm worried you'll get bored.
00:03:37No, you don't have to worry about us.
00:03:39This is your night.
00:03:40And we don't want to let you down.
00:03:43You're family now.
00:03:44Right?
00:03:45Yeah.
00:03:46Eight o'clock, okay?
00:03:48Yeah.
00:03:48Lovely jubbly.
00:03:49Oh, hello, darling.
00:03:52Hello, darling.
00:03:53Hello, darling.
00:03:54Can I look?
00:03:54Yeah.
00:03:55I've got to warn you, we ain't at his best, miserable little bit.
00:03:59I'm missing his morning nap.
00:04:01Aren't you, darling?
00:04:05Oh, his mate's probably got wings.
00:04:08Oh, look at him.
00:04:11Gee, he's a little cracker, isn't he, eh?
00:04:14It does remind me of boys, see?
00:04:16What, the ice?
00:04:17No, no, the wind.
00:04:19What have you named him?
00:04:21They've called him Tyler.
00:04:24Tyler?
00:04:25Nice.
00:04:26Of course, if it had been a girl, they would have called it Ruth.
00:04:29Then it would have been known as Ruth Rider.
00:04:34No, it's only...
00:04:35What's up with you two?
00:04:38Oh, hello, Albert.
00:04:40Oh, blimey.
00:04:41That's not another medal, is it?
00:04:42Yeah.
00:04:43An act of bravery in the GMC.
00:04:46I was on this quick air intruder, and suddenly, out of the darkness come his German torpedo boat.
00:04:53Albert, you must have come back with more medals than the Russian Olympic squad.
00:04:58Oh, I didn't ask for them.
00:05:00They kept giving them to me.
00:05:03Sweet.
00:05:03Oh, shut up, Tyler.
00:05:05Kiss him here.
00:05:06Kiss him here.
00:05:07I'm a natural with kids.
00:05:10All right, everyone, I'm off then.
00:05:11Nice to see you.
00:05:12Yeah, it's all right, Cassandra.
00:05:13Bye.
00:05:15Cassandra's a nice girl, isn't she?
00:05:17Yeah.
00:05:17Rodney was really lucky marrying her.
00:05:19Yeah.
00:05:21And I was lumbered with the old man of the sea, look.
00:05:24Hey, talking of sea, Boycey's just told me you lot are off on a Beano to Margate.
00:05:28Oh, what a jolly boy's outing.
00:05:29Yeah.
00:05:30Well, we go every couple of years.
00:05:31I organise it.
00:05:32If he gets up to anything with a bird in Margate, I am holding you responsible.
00:05:36Oh, he won't get up to nothing.
00:05:38We'll only be there a couple of hours.
00:05:39He don't need a couple of hours.
00:05:41Thirty seconds, does he?
00:05:45So there I was, at the wheel of this Greek Errington,
00:05:49sailing into the unknown.
00:05:50It was 2300 hours,
00:05:52and the night was blacker than a bailiff's arm.
00:05:57So where's Rodney working now?
00:05:59Oh, he's working with Alan, you know, Cassandra's dad down at the printing works.
00:06:02What, he managed to keep that job?
00:06:04Oh, yeah.
00:06:05He's doing very nicely.
00:06:07Oh, yeah.
00:06:08Works in the computer section.
00:06:10They had a trainee start last month.
00:06:12Showed him all the ropes.
00:06:13Yeah, Rodney will soon pick it up.
00:06:16Oh, no.
00:06:17Robbie's throwing the train lean all the ropes.
00:06:20Oh, oh.
00:06:23In out the darkness came this German torpedo boat.
00:06:26Quick as a flash, and without giving a second's fault to me own safety or anyone else's,
00:06:31I swung the wheel at the port and sent the trawler right across the German boat's bow.
00:06:35Wow.
00:06:36We were slightly damaged, but Jerry sunk within a minute.
00:06:40That's why they gave me this medal.
00:06:43One day, if you're lucky, you might win one of these.
00:06:48But then again,
00:06:51hopefully not.
00:06:56What you've got to understand, Marlene, is that Rodney's in charge of the whole computer section, the entire thing.
00:07:02I don't know where that firm would be without Rodney.
00:07:07Shit!
00:07:11It's the second time I've done it today.
00:07:28How's it going, Rodney?
00:07:30Oh!
00:07:31Fine.
00:07:32Have you got those printouts ready for the bank yet?
00:07:34Shouldn't be long, Ellen.
00:07:36I'd be very careful if I was you. You've wiped them off the day once already.
00:07:38Oh!
00:07:42No problem.
00:07:44So, what have you bought Cassandra for your anniversary, then?
00:07:47Oh, it was...
00:07:51Clothing.
00:07:51Clothing. Lovely.
00:07:53Well, I expect I'll see it tomorrow night. She's bound to wear it at the dinner.
00:07:56I don't think she will, Ellen.
00:07:59Oh.
00:08:04Well, I...
00:08:06I really am looking forward to your anniversary dinner.
00:08:08Yeah, well, so was I until I found out she's invited that Steven and Joanne.
00:08:12Oh, no, you've got to be fair, son.
00:08:14You know, Steven is the assistant head of the bank's overseas investment bureau.
00:08:17He's Cassie's boss.
00:08:18She's applied for promotion, so she's got to stay on his good side.
00:08:21Oh, well, but he's such a yuppie.
00:08:24It's all that...
00:08:25Oh, yeah, for sure.
00:08:27And all that...
00:08:27Okay, can I just run this past you?
00:08:30Right.
00:08:31Yeah.
00:08:32Yeah, I can't stand him either, but he's the sort of man that might do the company some good one
00:08:35of these days.
00:08:35I'd rather have him inside the tent spitting out than outside the tent spitting in.
00:08:39Understand?
00:08:40Yeah, of course I do.
00:08:42Look, uh...
00:08:43If Cassie is lucky enough to get this promotion, one of her jobs and one of her duties is going
00:08:48to be entertaining at home.
00:08:49And so she's, uh, invited Steven and his wife along to prove that she can throw a good dinner past
00:08:53her.
00:08:53Yeah, I know.
00:08:54But take no notice of me, right?
00:08:56I'm just overreacting.
00:08:57Well, we'll all be on our best behaviour.
00:08:59Make a good impression for our little Cassie game.
00:09:01Yeah.
00:09:07Alan...
00:09:07I've invited Ellen Albert.
00:09:09You what?
00:09:10I don't have to.
00:09:12Well, they're family.
00:09:15Well, hmm.
00:09:18I don't suppose she'd have been very happy in her new job anyway.
00:09:24Excuse me, sir.
00:09:27Oh.
00:09:28It's just all that data you had on your screen.
00:09:31It's on my one, yeah?
00:09:35Well, of course it is.
00:09:38They don't know they're born, do they?
00:09:41What?
00:09:49All right.
00:09:51At first glance, it may appear to be slightly off the wall.
00:09:53But the word in the city is Big Bucksville.
00:09:56Right, so what is this big secret in?
00:09:58Steven's about to tell you if you give him half a chance.
00:10:00Alan, this is no stock market secret or insider information.
00:10:02It is merely my humble opinion for what it's worth.
00:10:06Okay, let me run this one past you.
00:10:08Try and get your heads around this.
00:10:10I'm going to say one word.
00:10:11But bear in mind I am talking future, long-term investment, yeah?
00:10:14It's hanging there, time.
00:10:15Yeah, for sure.
00:10:17Okay, this is the bottom line.
00:10:18Take it on board if you wish.
00:10:20The word is...
00:10:21Africa.
00:10:23Africa.
00:10:24Africa.
00:10:24I'll make a note of that in my file of facts if I may see.
00:10:29Two main ladies in my life, Joanne and Cassie.
00:10:32Do you know where I'm coming from on this one?
00:10:34Steven was telling me about the projected world growth areas the other day over brunch.
00:10:38And Africa is where it's at.
00:10:40Recently, Joanne and I spent a little time down in Afrique-sur-Mer.
00:10:46Fabrique Belgique.
00:10:47This is it.
00:10:48I mean the elite.
00:10:53Fruit produce, yeah?
00:10:55With the introduction of new technology, we could be talking returns of left-field proportions.
00:11:00Take the banana crop alone.
00:11:01We are into mega growth.
00:11:03Growth.
00:11:03Well, you can't go wrong, Steven.
00:11:05The bigger the banana, the better.
00:11:07For sure.
00:11:08And statistically, we are talking...
00:11:10What?
00:11:12It's easier to sell bigger bananas than little ones.
00:11:16Yeah, brother.
00:11:18Tell, I think when Steven talks about growth, he's talking about financial investment, not
00:11:22about the...
00:11:24Oh, yeah.
00:11:27No, yeah, no.
00:11:28I just wasn't sure.
00:11:30Coffee, everyone?
00:11:31Mum?
00:11:32Mummy, I was about to do that.
00:11:33That's all right, darling.
00:11:34You were talking with Steven, so I thought I might as well make myself useful.
00:11:37It's a lovely little flat, Cassandra.
00:11:39Everything's so well-coordinated.
00:11:42Thanks.
00:11:42That's because Rodney has got a GCE in art.
00:11:45Recuse anyone?
00:11:47Dad?
00:11:47Oh, yeah.
00:11:48I'll have a scotch, please, love.
00:11:50No, make a small pot for you.
00:11:53Roddy?
00:11:55Roddy?
00:11:56Roddy?
00:11:57Hey, Albert.
00:11:58He only calls him Roddy, no?
00:12:01Derek?
00:12:02Hmm?
00:12:02Yes, yeah.
00:12:03Brandy, please, Pamela.
00:12:04Armagnac?
00:12:06Yeah, that'll do if you're our brandy.
00:12:10Or have a rum, dear.
00:12:12Yes, we know.
00:12:13I'll stay with the wine.
00:12:14Yeah, same here.
00:12:15I've got to be up early in the morning, playing baseball.
00:12:18Oh, baseball.
00:12:20Oh, baseball.
00:12:20Yeah, no, I love it.
00:12:21I always watch it on Channel 4.
00:12:23You don't like baseball.
00:12:24You've always called it Silly Boys Rounders.
00:12:28I mean, yeah, that was before I knew it was in.
00:12:32Nowadays, it's the sort of game that guys like me and Steven enjoy.
00:12:36How do you mean, guys like me and Steven?
00:12:39Oh, yeah.
00:12:40Yuppies.
00:12:46Derek, I am not a yuppie.
00:12:49You are Steven.
00:12:50You are, I guarantee.
00:12:52No.
00:12:53I can't take it from me, son.
00:12:54You are.
00:12:59OK, well, are you going to give me the chance to wipe the floor with you at Trivial Pursuit or
00:13:02not?
00:13:03Oh, yeah.
00:13:03Brill.
00:13:04Ah, right.
00:13:05Yes.
00:13:06Trivial Pursuits, eh?
00:13:08Lovely jubbly.
00:13:11How do you play it?
00:13:14The thing is, Del, it's all about general knowledge.
00:13:16You know, it's a bit intellectual.
00:13:19Oh, yeah.
00:13:19Yeah, but some of the questions are really difficult.
00:13:22It could be a bit embarrassing.
00:13:24Don't worry.
00:13:25I'll help you two out.
00:13:26All right.
00:13:31So, so what part of Africa did you go?
00:13:34I bet he's been there.
00:13:35Look, the trip ended at Dar es Salaam.
00:13:38I've been there.
00:13:39OK, this is really boring.
00:13:41We left Nairobi, then went south to Moshe, across the Serengeti to Musoma, then the long trek east to the
00:13:48coast.
00:13:48During the war?
00:13:49During the war, we pursued a German battleship down the eastern coast, right the way through the Zanzibar Channel.
00:13:57Three days of nights we chased it.
00:13:59Did you catch it?
00:14:00Yeah.
00:14:01It sunk us.
00:14:03You have to find that holiday brochure for Cassandra.
00:14:05Yeah, for sure.
00:14:06I mean, try and get your heads round this, OK?
00:14:09Imagine the sun setting on the vast waters of late Victoria.
00:14:13A hundred thousand wildebeest grazing on the Maasai steppe, yeah?
00:14:17Oh, yeah.
00:14:18Wonderful.
00:14:19Misty, sleepy dawn rises to reveal Kilimanjaro in all its hypnotic majesty.
00:14:27Oh, sounds great.
00:14:30We're all going on a Beano to Margate, in fact.
00:14:34Me?
00:14:35Me?
00:14:36Oh, I mean, yeah, I mean, it sounds great.
00:14:38But it's bank holiday weekend, and Joanne and I always spend them together.
00:14:42No.
00:14:42I'm going away to Mummy and Daddy's next Saturday, remember?
00:14:45It's better than being on your own, Stephen.
00:14:47It'll get you out of the old routine.
00:14:49No, I mean, I wouldn't know anyone.
00:14:51Of course you will.
00:14:52Rodney's going.
00:14:54You're going?
00:14:56Yeah.
00:14:58Well, it's tradition, you know.
00:15:00It's the Jolly Boys Outing.
00:15:02The what?
00:15:03It's the Jolly Boys Outing.
00:15:05It's been going on for years.
00:15:07You can't stop Rodney from going, darling.
00:15:09After all, he's only a day out and doing good.
00:15:12Yeah.
00:15:12Anyway, your dad will be there to keep an eye on him, won't you?
00:15:18Well, Joanne, I thought, you know, a bit of sea air doing good.
00:15:22You're going to get drunk, aren't you?
00:15:23Because I'm sick of jellied eels.
00:15:25I'm not going to drink anything.
00:15:26I'm not going to eat.
00:15:26I'm just going to enjoy myself.
00:15:31Okay, well, who threw the highest number?
00:15:33Was it me?
00:15:33No.
00:15:35Yeah, I think it was me.
00:15:36Okay.
00:15:36Roll again, Derek.
00:15:37Well, I'll ask the question.
00:15:39All right.
00:15:39There we go.
00:15:40Four.
00:15:41What do I do now?
00:15:42It's me, yeah?
00:15:42One, two, three, four.
00:15:44Oh, SNN.
00:15:45SNN!
00:15:47What's SNN?
00:15:48Science and Nature.
00:15:49Right.
00:15:54God, it's so simple.
00:15:58What is a female swan called?
00:16:04What is, um, a female swan called?
00:16:08You don't know?
00:16:10No, no, I do.
00:16:11I don't.
00:16:11It's just that it's stuck in the back of me, um, my brain there.
00:16:14Um, oh, can you get us a clove?
00:16:17Three letters.
00:16:17Hey, come on now.
00:16:18There's nothing in the rules about clues.
00:16:20All right.
00:16:21It's a female swan.
00:16:22Three letters.
00:16:25Um...
00:16:25Uh, wait a minute.
00:16:26Um...
00:16:26Mm!
00:16:27Got it.
00:16:28It's a Bic.
00:16:29Yeah, go, go, go!
00:16:33I need somebody.
00:16:35Help help.
00:16:36Not just anybody.
00:16:38You know I need someone.
00:16:40Help!
00:16:42And I was younger, so much younger than today.
00:16:47And I needed anybody's help in any way.
00:16:51And around now, these days are gone, I'm not so self-assured.
00:16:56Now I wanna take a mile, open up the door too
00:17:01Help me if you get my feeling down
00:17:04And I do appreciate you being round
00:17:10Runs, runs, runs
00:17:11Help me if I beat back on the ground
00:17:14Won't you please help me, help me?
00:17:20Get out you noisy little kid!
00:17:22Get out of here!
00:17:22This is a grand soul!
00:17:23You're on a vino. You're supposed to be enjoying yourself.
00:17:26Well, I haven't had my full quote for a sleep, but I'm starving hungry.
00:17:29How do we have to leave before breakfast?
00:17:31Don't you read the papers, Albert?
00:17:33The railways are on strike.
00:17:34Show.
00:17:35And it's a bank holiday weekend, which means the roads are going to be chock-a-block.
00:17:39That's why we left early.
00:17:40Now repeat that back to me.
00:17:42I want to make sure you understand.
00:17:44I'll give you a club round here in a minute.
00:17:50Kel, you reckon I'll get something to eat?
00:17:52Yeah, of course you're going on. Denzel's in charge of the sandwiches.
00:17:54Tell you what, you sit there and I'll go and get something for you, alright?
00:18:00You lazy old git.
00:18:02You've got to give Denzel his dues, ain't ya?
00:18:04He did all the cave room by himself.
00:18:05Oh, leave off, gentlemen.
00:18:07Can you see dog boys standing in the kitchen cutting up all them loads?
00:18:10He probably got some idiot to do it for him.
00:18:12No, I made him for him.
00:18:22You know, it's a bit they'd have washed it down with.
00:18:25Denzel, what is your game?
00:18:26Don't you realise the damage that stuff does to ya?
00:18:29They're antibiotics.
00:18:31What?
00:18:33Antibiotics.
00:18:33The doctor prescribed them and I don't need that.
00:18:36I'm not supposed to drink with them.
00:18:38I've got this infection.
00:18:40Oh, have ya?
00:18:42It's in the ear.
00:18:43How do you get it, Den?
00:18:45It's with one of the ear infections.
00:18:48Oh.
00:18:50Listen, Del, you won't tell the others about this, will you?
00:18:52I mean, these days people get the wrong idea about this sort of thing.
00:18:55Come on, don't be silly, Denzel.
00:18:57Of course I won't.
00:18:58It's just an ear infection, that's all.
00:18:59Wait, wait, wait, Denzel, you don't have to prove yourself to me, do ya?
00:19:02I'm your mate.
00:19:03Cheers, Del.
00:19:04It's alright.
00:19:05By the way, there's been a change in plan.
00:19:08You're no longer in charge of the sandwiches.
00:19:12Michael?
00:19:13Well, that's change.
00:19:14You're in charge of the grub.
00:19:17Oi.
00:19:18Yes?
00:19:18I want a world with you.
00:19:19Yeah, what is it, Sid?
00:19:20I own a cafe, right?
00:19:22Yeah, right, so what?
00:19:23So why didn't you ask me to make the sandwiches?
00:19:25Well, the explanation is simple.
00:19:27We intend to eat them.
00:19:29Oh.
00:19:30Alright.
00:19:31Right.
00:19:36Well, that's only another ten minutes, then we'll be at the halfway house.
00:19:38That's when the serious stuff begins.
00:19:40Yeah.
00:19:42Yahoo!
00:19:44Yahoo!
00:19:44Make those lagers long, long and cool.
00:19:47Oh, yes.
00:19:49Look out, Margate, and look up your daughters, eh?
00:19:52Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
00:19:54Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:19:56Alright, Ellen?
00:19:58Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:20:07Er, there you go Denzel.
00:20:16You promised I wouldn't say anything!
00:20:18I'm sorry Denzel, he just caught my lip.
00:20:23I'm a creep! I'm a creep!
00:20:37All right!
00:20:40How you doing? Here you go, Mike. See you off the way out.
00:20:43Ah! Yay! Lovely jubbly!
00:20:46Three, five, seven, nine!
00:20:48I don't know what time!
00:20:50What a waste time coming up with the morning light!
00:20:53Wicked sitting pretty in a two-wheel stallion!
00:20:57This old set time, I'm gonna beat on you!
00:21:00Ain't no use ready to commit!
00:21:03First of many!
00:21:05Hey!
00:21:10Hey, have you seen Del Boy around?
00:21:15Well, he was here just now. Why? What's up?
00:21:17I think old Harry's had too much to drink.
00:21:19He's fallen over twice. Now he's trying to juggle with pickled eggs.
00:21:22So what's that got to do with Del?
00:21:24Well, Del will organise this out, and so it's his responsibility.
00:21:27I'll try the other bar.
00:21:30Sorry, mate.
00:21:31Hey, Mike! It is you, innit?
00:21:33I don't believe it! Eddie Chambers!
00:21:36Yeah.
00:21:36Yeah, I heard. You emigrated?
00:21:37That's right, yeah. I had a pub on you all the way.
00:21:41So, you still in the trade?
00:21:42Yeah, yeah. Got a lovely little place down in Peckham.
00:21:44Oh, there's two of my satisfied regulars over there.
00:21:50You, er, around for a while then, Eddie?
00:21:52Yeah, about another half, yeah.
00:21:53No, I'll catch up with you. We'll have a right old chat.
00:21:55I've got to dash a bit of business. See you later.
00:21:57All right, yeah.
00:21:58Panic over the snot, it's the old thing these days.
00:22:01Wouldn't have done in the war, Sid.
00:22:03I wouldn't really know, Albert.
00:22:05I spent most of my time in a German prisoner of war camp.
00:22:08Got captured on this little island called Syros, in the Dodecanese, just off the Greek coast.
00:22:13No chance to escape from here, I suppose.
00:22:15Well, a few of us tried it one night.
00:22:17Got right down to the harbour.
00:22:19Overpowered some German sailors and nicked their boat.
00:22:21Fast bugger it was, as well.
00:22:23We'd almost made it to the open sea,
00:22:25and this poxy Greek fishing trawler cut right across our path.
00:22:33Got fished out by the Germans and spent the rest of the war in a stale.
00:22:38Fancy that one, Sid.
00:22:39Yeah.
00:22:46Oh, there you are, Bill.
00:22:48Listen, we've got a bit of a problem out in the main park.
00:22:50Right, what's happening now?
00:22:51Yeah, we've got to stop meeting like this, Michael.
00:22:53Talk about a bad penny.
00:22:55Del, I'd like you to meet an old mate of mine.
00:22:57Eddie Chambers, Del Trotter.
00:22:59Nice to meet you, Del.
00:23:00Aren't you, Eddie?
00:23:03Eddie and I used to be rivals over in East End.
00:23:05We had pubs almost opposite each other.
00:23:07Yeah, except mine was better than yours.
00:23:09You must be joking.
00:23:10Del, you know how I run a pub, don't you?
00:23:12Yeah, that's right.
00:23:13This must have been better than yours, Mike.
00:23:15Thank you very much.
00:23:17You still doing it then, Eddie?
00:23:18No, no, I got out of the pub game years ago.
00:23:21I own a club now in Margate, the Mardi Gras.
00:23:25We do a decent meal with the resident cabaret.
00:23:27You know, singer, magic, act, good comedian.
00:23:30I mean, what more do you want for a fibre?
00:23:32Well, that sounds fair enough to me, Eddie.
00:23:35Yeah, we're on a Beano 2 market, as it happens.
00:23:38Yeah, tell you what, I just had an idea.
00:23:39Why don't you give us some complimentary tickets,
00:23:42like, you know, just to get the ball rolling,
00:23:43and we'll bring the rest of the coach party down your place
00:23:45to pay at the door.
00:23:46We can pack your place out.
00:23:48We'll have some of that.
00:23:49Yeah, good man.
00:23:49Tell you what, look.
00:23:50Scoop you.
00:23:51Scoop you, Del.
00:23:52There you are, see, you know it makes sense.
00:23:54Maybe see you later, then, mate.
00:23:54See you later, Eddie, yeah.
00:23:55Yeah, good luck.
00:23:56Cheers, Eddie.
00:23:56Cheers, Michael.
00:24:00What do we want complimentary tickets for a nightclub for, Del?
00:24:03We've got to be out of Malgate by second.
00:24:05Oh, look.
00:24:06Thank you very much.
00:24:07Use your brains, will you, Michael?
00:24:09We might be able to flog them to the Oddity Makers, eh?
00:24:11Make ourselves a few bob, you know what I mean?
00:24:13Don't you ever stop.
00:24:15No.
00:24:15Yuppies never switch off, Michael.
00:24:17It's all or nothing with us.
00:24:18Right, now, what's his problem?
00:24:20I think you'd better come and have a look at old Harry.
00:24:22What?
00:24:23Eh?
00:24:32All right, Harry.
00:24:33Don't worry, you'll be all right, mate.
00:24:34You'll be all right.
00:24:35Look at the state of him.
00:24:37And it's only 11 o'clock.
00:24:40This is good news, isn't it?
00:24:41There's no problem.
00:24:42You just chuck him on the back seat, let him sleep it off.
00:24:45Chuck him on the back seat.
00:24:47He's the driver.
00:24:51Bloody hell.
00:24:51So what are we going to do now?
00:24:53I don't know yet.
00:24:55There's bound to be a way out of it.
00:24:57There's always a way.
00:24:59Here.
00:24:59Young Denzel's a long-distance sorry driver.
00:25:02That's right.
00:25:03He could handle that coach, no problem.
00:25:04No, he's got a heavy goods licence.
00:25:07To drive that coach, you need a public service licence.
00:25:09He's got one of them and all.
00:25:10Used to drive on the buses with me years ago.
00:25:11Well, that's it then, isn't it?
00:25:13Eh?
00:25:13We're safe.
00:25:15Denzel, come over here.
00:25:16This is your lucky day.
00:25:17No.
00:25:17No?
00:25:18What do you mean, no?
00:25:19I am not driving that coach.
00:25:20I've been driving all week and this is my day off.
00:25:23If you don't drive it, we'll have to wait here until Harry sobers up.
00:25:26And by the look of it, that could take about a port time.
00:25:29Well, Sid used to be on the buses.
00:25:30He can drive it.
00:25:31I'd love to, Denzel, but I've had a couple of drinks.
00:25:33Well, so have I, you see.
00:25:34No, you haven't.
00:25:35You're not allowed to drink.
00:25:36You're on antibiotics because of your disease.
00:25:38I have not got a disease.
00:25:40I have got an ear infection.
00:25:46Get your left foot up, Harry.
00:25:48Come on.
00:25:48There we are.
00:25:52What do you think's wrong with him?
00:25:54What do I think?
00:25:56Snow blindness would be my bet trick.
00:25:58Yeah?
00:25:59I thought he was pissed.
00:26:02Come on, Denzel.
00:26:04You've got any better ideas.
00:26:06Have you got any better ideas?
00:26:07Have you got any better ideas?
00:26:07All day and all night.
00:26:08All right, all right.
00:26:10I'll drive it on one condition.
00:26:11Harry drives it home.
00:26:12Good boy, Denzel.
00:26:14You know it makes sense.
00:26:15That's it.
00:26:16Good leg.
00:26:16Go on, then.
00:26:17Get on there.
00:26:18Right, come on, then, you lot.
00:26:19Come on, let's get a ball.
00:26:20Hurry up.
00:26:20Oi, you three.
00:26:21Get on the coach.
00:26:22We're ready for the off now.
00:26:23Rodney, give me that ball.
00:26:25Rude gully.
00:26:27Nowhere.
00:26:28Excuse me, sir.
00:26:29Oi.
00:26:36Here, what happened?
00:26:37Hey?
00:26:38Look, you.
00:26:39You're under arrest.
00:26:41I couldn't help it.
00:26:42No, he's right, officer.
00:26:43He's right.
00:26:43He just threw the ball back to me like that.
00:26:48I don't know how much you've had to drink, son,
00:26:50but it's too much in the car.
00:26:52Mum, I just threw the ball back at him.
00:26:54You can tell me all about it at the station.
00:27:00There we go.
00:27:05What's Cassandra going to say about this?
00:27:07There's no need for Cassandra to know anything about it.
00:27:08And what happens when a summons arrives?
00:27:10Oh, summons?
00:27:11What summons?
00:27:12They're not proceeding with the case.
00:27:14Bill, that copper has just charged me and taken a statement.
00:27:17He's keeping a ball at Exhibit A.
00:27:18But he also reckoned the Chief Inspector wouldn't take it any further.
00:27:22They'd let you off with a warning.
00:27:23Yeah, but so they don't.
00:27:24We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
00:27:26I think you're in the clear effect.
00:27:27I'm sure you are.
00:27:28Come on, let's get on the couch.
00:27:29Oh?
00:27:30Oh, Ron.
00:27:31Come on, that's the spirit.
00:27:32You know it makes sense.
00:27:34Right, come on in, Denzel.
00:27:35Full of hit, both.
00:27:36We're off to Margate.
00:27:46Everybody's talking at me.
00:27:49I don't hear a word they're saying.
00:27:53Only the echoes of my mind.
00:27:59People stopping still.
00:28:03I can't see their faces.
00:28:07Only the shadows of their eyes.
00:28:14I'm going well as the sun keeps shining through the autumn rain.
00:28:21Going well, the weather suits my divorce.
00:28:28Banking off of the northeast winds.
00:28:31Seven months of the breeze.
00:28:34And skipping over the ocean like a storm.
00:28:56I'm going well as the sun keeps shining through the pouring rain.
00:29:03I'm going well as the weather suits my clothes.
00:29:16And skipping over the ocean like a storm.
00:29:26Everybody's talking at me.
00:29:29Can't hear a word they're saying.
00:29:31Only the echoes of my mind.
00:29:38I won't let you leave my love behind.
00:29:45No, I won't let you leave.
00:30:00I won't let you leave my love behind.
00:30:09Well, the coat's leaves in an hour.
00:30:15It's been a bad old day, though, has it?
00:30:16No.
00:30:16No.
00:30:17It's been all right, bruv.
00:30:18It's been all right.
00:30:20I've really enjoyed meself.
00:30:23I'm feeling a bit cream-crackered now, though.
00:30:27I think I might have a touch of that yuppie flu, you know.
00:30:29Yeah?
00:30:30Didn't have something to do with a lobster vindaloo and 14 pina coladas, could it?
00:30:36Well, it might have slowed me down a bit, yeah.
00:30:44I went down to the cemetery yesterday, put some flowers on Mum's grave.
00:30:51Yeah?
00:30:51I've been down there lately, Del.
00:30:53It's all something to do, isn't it?
00:30:55No, no, no.
00:30:55It's all right, brother.
00:30:56She understands.
00:30:57She knows that you still think about her.
00:30:58Yeah, of course I think.
00:31:00Well, I just, you know, I was, um, I just had, you know, I was, like, chatting and that.
00:31:05Just letting her know what's been happening.
00:31:09I bet she was well pleased.
00:31:13You know, your Cassandra, she reminds me a bit of Mum, you know?
00:31:18Oh, good.
00:31:20She's got drive, hasn't she?
00:31:21You know, that's one thing Mum had.
00:31:22Your Mum had a lot of drive.
00:31:24Yeah.
00:31:26Cassandra's very ambitious.
00:31:30That's good, isn't it?
00:31:31Mm-hmm.
00:31:34I think it's in the way of her career.
00:31:37Not doubt about that.
00:31:38You must be well pleased.
00:31:41Yeah.
00:31:43She's an achiever.
00:31:45Yeah.
00:31:46Yeah.
00:31:47She's a bit like me in many ways.
00:31:50Yes, my son.
00:31:51I've always been an achiever.
00:31:54I never actually achieved nothing, mind you, but...
00:31:56...with a shout.
00:31:59Here it is.
00:32:01This reminds me of the time that me and Jumbo Mills set up a seafood stall outside the Nags Head.
00:32:08Eels on Wheels, we called it.
00:32:11LAUGHTER
00:32:13I thought he was going to build empires, you know?
00:32:15You know, every pub in London was going to have a seafood stall outside called Eels on Wheels.
00:32:22You know what I said to him the night that we came up with the scheme?
00:32:25This time next year we'll be millionaires.
00:32:27I said, this time next year we'll be millionaires.
00:32:30LAUGHTER
00:32:32And we could have been lovely.
00:32:34Could have been.
00:32:36You know what killed off the Eels on Wheels, don't you?
00:32:39It was television.
00:32:40What, the cook repulse?
00:32:42No, no, no.
00:32:43It's when television starts humanising fish.
00:32:46What's she going on about?
00:32:48Well, it did. They started to make fish human.
00:32:50You know, first of all there was that shark thing.
00:32:53Flipper.
00:32:54And he had all the G.C.s and you.
00:32:56Then there was Squidly Diddly, the octopus.
00:32:59He used to play the drums.
00:33:01There was Michael Fish.
00:33:03That put you out of business.
00:33:04Yes.
00:33:05Yes, it's true, I'm telling you.
00:33:07Mothers used to come round complaining that their kids
00:33:09refused to eat our homemade fish fingers
00:33:11in case they were related to the man from Atlantis.
00:33:15LAUGHTER
00:33:19And that report from the council health inspector
00:33:22didn't help none either.
00:33:24LAUGHTER
00:33:28Could have made it, that, bruv.
00:33:31Could have.
00:33:34You will, dear.
00:33:36You will.
00:33:41Never stop believing, eh, bruv?
00:33:44Never stop believing.
00:33:49Come on, Andy.
00:33:52Time to go home.
00:33:55LAUGHTER
00:33:58LAUGHTER
00:34:14Are we all here now, Del?
00:34:16No, we're just waiting for Rodney.
00:34:18He's reporting in to headquarters.
00:34:20LAUGHTER
00:34:22Hi, Case. It's me.
00:34:24Roddy, I've been waiting for your call all day.
00:34:27Have you?
00:34:28Del, how are you?
00:34:29Oh, we're fine.
00:34:31Listen, we're at the coach park.
00:34:32We'll be off in a couple of minutes.
00:34:36LAUGHTER
00:34:40Yeah, you won't tell my governor what happened, will you, Del?
00:34:44I'd get the bullet if he found out about this.
00:34:46Leave it out, Harry.
00:34:48What sort of bloke do you think I am?
00:34:49Hey, I had one glass of lemonade in that pub.
00:34:52I don't know what happened.
00:34:54Oh, it felt strange.
00:34:56It was as if I'd been overcome by fumes or something.
00:35:00Yeah, well, whatever it was.
00:35:02It was lucky we had Denzel about, wasn't it, mate?
00:35:04No, no, no, he's a good bloke, that Denzel.
00:35:06Good bloke?
00:35:08He's one of the best.
00:35:09One of the very best.
00:35:11Del!
00:35:13What does that dipstick want now?
00:35:15Smoke coming from the radio.
00:35:17Well, you must have pressed the wrong button or something.
00:35:20Oh, look, I'll come and sort it out.
00:35:23So, how's your day been?
00:35:24Oh, usual sort of thing.
00:35:26Oh, Stephen phoned this morning.
00:35:28Did he?
00:35:29Yeah, he found that holiday brochure he'd been telling us about.
00:35:32Mummy called round to see if I'd like to have some lunch with her.
00:35:35Then the Kent Police Constabulary phoned to confirm that you lived at this address.
00:35:38LAUGHTER
00:35:40That was nice of them, wasn't it?
00:35:42LAUGHTER
00:35:44It's not supposed to do that, is it?
00:35:46No.
00:35:47Well, it wasn't in the brochure, at least.
00:35:50Oi, boysie!
00:35:51Boysie, here, come here a minute.
00:35:53Yes, what is it?
00:35:55Look, you see, Del said give me the ball.
00:35:58I might have guessed Del would be behind it somewhere.
00:36:01No, he didn't mean to get me into trouble.
00:36:02Well, he never does, does he?
00:36:04Yet it seems every time Del's around you something goes wrong and you're at the sticky end of it.
00:36:08Not every time.
00:36:11What are we supposed to do about it?
00:36:13Well, I'd switch it off if I was you, Del.
00:36:15The main petrol line runs right underneath there.
00:36:17Ninety!
00:36:19Oi!
00:36:20Ben!
00:36:21We've got to do something about this!
00:36:23Someone get some water!
00:36:24Good idea! Water! We need loads of water!
00:36:25Then his coach fitted with a fire distinguisher.
00:36:30Abandon ship! Come on, get off there!
00:36:31And what about that time he entered one of your paintings in a competition and you won first prize in
00:36:36the under-15 category?
00:36:38Yes, I do seem to recollect it, but I don't think you...
00:36:41And I had to spend a week in Mallorca posing as your common-law stepmother.
00:36:44Come on then, everybody! Hurry up! Look, I agree!
00:36:47All right!
00:36:48Look, I agree that Del gets a bit out of hand.
00:36:52But I think it's unfair to say that everything he touches goes wrong.
00:37:05That's it.
00:37:09Our coach is just blown up!
00:37:13Don't worry, Harry, I won't tell your governor about it.
00:37:32Oh, I don't believe it. There's only a bloody rail drive.
00:37:39My son is being christened in three weeks' time.
00:37:41What about my cat?
00:37:42I've got a pub to run, pal.
00:37:43I've got to be a bird at nine.
00:37:44And I lost my dolphin.
00:37:45Oh, just shut up.
00:37:48What about the Green Line?
00:37:49There's a bus stop over there.
00:37:50Yes.
00:37:50Good idea, Denzel.
00:37:52That's it.
00:37:53Good, Denzel.
00:37:58Now, let's, uh, uh, there you are, look.
00:38:01The next bus to London is at 20 hundred hours.
00:38:05What's that mean, Robin?
00:38:07Eight o'clock, so we've got half our way.
00:38:10Oh, well, that's not too bad.
00:38:12No, wait a minute, wait a minute.
00:38:13That's a normal schedule.
00:38:14That's a normal schedule.
00:38:14Look here, uh, bank holidays, Christmas.
00:38:16Last bus goes at 19.20.
00:38:18We've missed it by ten minutes.
00:38:19So when is the next one, then?
00:38:20Ten past eight tomorrow morning.
00:38:21Oh, no.
00:38:24We could hitchhike.
00:38:25Oh, 27 of us.
00:38:28I remember once you started a war.
00:38:30Oh, don't start, hon.
00:38:32We've had enough of your stupid stories for one day, Albert.
00:38:34Oi, oi, oi, watch it.
00:38:36He's a war hero.
00:38:36He's got a right to speak.
00:38:38I fought for free speech.
00:38:39Shut up.
00:38:42So why does he have to keep saying such stupid things, then?
00:38:44Look, you keep on making it.
00:38:45The back of my hand is going to have a quiet word for your hero.
00:38:47Oh, that's it.
00:38:48Let's all have a punch up in the middle of the street.
00:38:50That'd put a cherry on a cake, wouldn't it?
00:38:52And this is the last time I come out on the vino with you.
00:38:54That's the last time I'm going to invite you.
00:38:56And I'll tell you another thing.
00:38:58Calm down, calm down.
00:38:59You get nowhere arguing.
00:39:01Now, let's look at the facts.
00:39:03What we've got here is absence of choice.
00:39:05Can't get a train.
00:39:06Last bus is gone.
00:39:07Our own vehicle is somewhat out of action.
00:39:09The coach company has promised to send a replacement vehicle tomorrow morning at 9 o'clock.
00:39:13So there you have it, gentlemen.
00:39:15So what are you saying?
00:39:16What I'm saying is we're going to have to spend the night here.
00:39:19We're booking to a hotel, bed and breakfast, only for one night.
00:39:22You seem to be forgetting something.
00:39:23This is a bank holiday.
00:39:25This town is full to the rafters with holidaymakers.
00:39:28Where are we going to find a room?
00:39:29There's better be a couple of them still vacant.
00:39:31Yes, but there's 27 of us.
00:39:38Uh, me and Mickey are going to take a little walk on the seafront.
00:39:42Yeah, well, we feel like, you know, stretching our legs.
00:39:47I quite fancy taking the night air.
00:39:50How about you, Michael?
00:40:21We've been down this road once already, haven't we?
00:40:23We've been every bloody where.
00:40:25We've walked further than the jar of marchers.
00:40:27Yeah, and they were all out of work and starving,
00:40:29and I bet they didn't moan as much as you two.
00:40:32Gordon, Ben.
00:40:33Here, hang about.
00:40:34Look at that.
00:40:34I told you something to turn up, didn't I?
00:40:36Look, vacancies.
00:40:37Hey, come on.
00:40:40Lovely job.
00:40:44If you'd just like to wait here, please.
00:40:46Oh, right, thank you.
00:40:47Mrs Baker.
00:40:48Smell that, Roddy.
00:40:49Can you smell that?
00:40:50That's roast potatoes, isn't it?
00:40:52Yeah, and gravy.
00:40:54And steak and kidney pie, unless I'm mistaken.
00:40:57We've fallen on our feet here, haven't we?
00:40:59Yeah, and I am starving.
00:41:00No, so am I.
00:41:01Ain't he a beautiful cat, eh?
00:41:03And he likes me.
00:41:04Yeah.
00:41:05They're probably in love with that beard.
00:41:09Oh.
00:41:09Good evening.
00:41:10Good evening.
00:41:11Anyway, look, we'd like a room for the night.
00:41:14You know, can chuck in an evening meal,
00:41:16bit of brekkers, you know, that sort of thing.
00:41:17What a shame.
00:41:18I let the last of my rooms out about an hour ago.
00:41:22Mate, you've got a sign in the window saying vacancies.
00:41:24Is the sign still there?
00:41:26Oh, that silly girl.
00:41:27I told her to take it down.
00:41:29Excuse me, please.
00:41:31Helen, you forgot to take the sign out of the window.
00:41:35Sorry, Mrs Baker.
00:41:36I just served dinner, then I'll see to it.
00:41:38Oh, sorry.
00:41:41I am sorry, gentlemen.
00:41:43Could we kick down any old flat room?
00:41:45Or on the landing.
00:41:46Yeah, or in the airing cupboard, you know, anywhere.
00:41:48I'd love to help, but it's the regulations, you see.
00:41:51Well, is there anywhere around here we can get a room for the night?
00:41:54Well, it's difficult.
00:41:55It's a bank holiday weekend, you see,
00:41:57and this rail strike doesn't make things any better.
00:42:00You could try.
00:42:02Maybe not.
00:42:03No, please, where?
00:42:04Well, you could try Mrs Creswell's.
00:42:06She's at the Villa Bella, just across the square.
00:42:09She's always got vacancies.
00:42:11Oh, right, well, thank you.
00:42:13We'll go and knock her up, then.
00:42:14Yes, thanks very much.
00:42:20And the next thing you know,
00:42:22mush!
00:42:23Off it went!
00:42:23Did you see Dog Boy's face?
00:42:25Oh, I wish I had my video camera with me.
00:42:28No!
00:42:28Look who's here.
00:42:29It's the Coach Busters.
00:42:32Are you staying here as well?
00:42:34No, no, we're not.
00:42:35Oh, that's a shame,
00:42:37because you would have liked it here.
00:42:38We've had a lovely hot bath each.
00:42:39Nice warm room.
00:42:40And the food's great.
00:42:41You would have really liked it here.
00:42:43Yeah, well, we don't care,
00:42:45because we've got somewhere even better to go.
00:42:48Yeah, yeah, that's right, yeah.
00:42:49Yeah.
00:42:50You're not down to the Villa Bella, are you?
00:42:52Um, no, no, we're not.
00:42:54No, no, we're not.
00:42:56We're going down to...
00:42:58It's a secret.
00:43:00It's a relief.
00:43:01It's beginning to feel guilty,
00:43:03because it's so nice to you.
00:43:07How's your disease, Denzel?
00:43:11I have not got a disease.
00:43:13It is an ear infection.
00:43:15Yeah, Mrs Baker,
00:43:16would you make sure that he takes his tablets?
00:43:18Only the doctors down at the clinic
00:43:19for iffy diseases did say it wasn't contagious.
00:43:22Well, I mean,
00:43:23at least they said they hope it wasn't.
00:43:25Bon appetit.
00:43:26Gitsi.
00:43:32Good job.
00:43:40Oh, look, there it is, look.
00:43:42The Villa Bella.
00:43:55Oh, there you are.
00:43:57Don't look too bad.
00:43:59Look too bad.
00:44:00Look at him.
00:44:02He looks like the Munster's Weekend Plants.
00:44:06Oh, come on, Dill.
00:44:07Let's find somewhere else.
00:44:08Oh, look me well.
00:44:10We've been everywhere in the town, haven't we, eh?
00:44:12Look at this.
00:44:13It's going to start chucking it down again in a minute,
00:44:15then we're going to get soaked and frozen.
00:44:18Now, come on, this is our last chance.
00:44:20You never know.
00:44:21It might be rather nice inside.
00:44:23Well, I'm game.
00:44:24There you are.
00:44:25There you are.
00:44:25That's the spirit, Uncle.
00:44:26See?
00:44:26He who dares wins.
00:44:28See?
00:44:29Go on.
00:44:29Go and ring the bell.
00:44:31Go and ring the bell.
00:44:33Hurry up.
00:44:58Are you Mrs. Cresswell?
00:45:01Yes.
00:45:02Oh, she's just at the lady down the road,
00:45:04a Mrs. Baker.
00:45:05She recommended us to you.
00:45:07She might have a room for the night.
00:45:09Coming.
00:45:20Come in.
00:45:26Are you Bella?
00:45:27No.
00:45:29Bella died ten years ago.
00:45:32I hope they've buried her.
00:45:37It's cold, isn't it?
00:45:39That's the weather.
00:45:40Oh, is it?
00:45:41I don't know.
00:45:42I'm a stranger around here.
00:45:45I've got a three-bedded room vacant.
00:45:48It's ten pounds a night each,
00:45:49and that includes a traditional English breakfast.
00:45:51Oh, well, that's it.
00:45:52No, that sounds just a ticket, Mrs. Cresswell.
00:45:54That'll be thirty pounds in advance.
00:45:56Sign the book.
00:45:57Fine.
00:45:58Inga, show these gentlemen up to the blue room.
00:46:01Can't you see I'm serving dinner?
00:46:03I've only got the one pair of hands.
00:46:05Well, show them up after you've served dinner.
00:46:07Do everything you bloody self around here.
00:46:12I'm training her.
00:46:14She's coming on a bundle, isn't she?
00:46:17The front door is locked at 11 p.m.
00:46:19and not opened again until 9 a.m.
00:46:27Come on, it's up here.
00:46:33Whichever, come on!
00:46:34Yeah, I'm on.
00:46:55Move over a bit.
00:46:57You've got most of the bait.
00:47:00You're pulling the covers off me.
00:47:02You better have you, too.
00:47:04Don't carry on like this all night.
00:47:06Tell him to stop pulling the covers off me.
00:47:10Well, at least not pulling the covers off Albert.
00:47:12Well, tell him to get over to his own side of the bait.
00:47:14Albert, will you get over to your own side of the bait?
00:47:18Well, this is like spending a long weekend with Zippy and Bungle.
00:47:26God knows what Cassandra would say if she was here.
00:47:29She might probably say,
00:47:30Roddy, what's your uncle doing in bed with us?
00:47:36It's all right for you, Derek.
00:47:37This happens to be my first night away from Cassandra for a whole year.
00:47:41I bet she were not glad.
00:47:47What's that supposed to mean?
00:47:48Is this the way you carry on when you're in bed with her?
00:47:51Well, of course it's not.
00:47:52So why are you giving me all this aggro?
00:47:56Because there is a great deal of difference
00:47:58between sleeping with Cassandra and kipping with you.
00:48:01Like what?
00:48:02Like!
00:48:03All right.
00:48:05Like she smells nice.
00:48:07Like she wears things.
00:48:10Oi, oi, oi, woe back, woe back.
00:48:13And like she hasn't got a dopey white beard
00:48:15that keeps tickling me.
00:48:18See?
00:48:19You've woken somebody up now.
00:48:24Rodney.
00:48:25Look, come on.
00:48:26It's only quarter past ten.
00:48:27Let's whip down the old Mardi Gras, eh?
00:48:29Have a couple of jars, you know?
00:48:31Scanty supper, eh?
00:48:32What are you in?
00:48:32What are you in?
00:48:34No.
00:48:35Look, I promised Cassandra I wouldn't go out
00:48:37and I intend to keep that promise.
00:48:46Do you reckon she believed you?
00:48:49That what?
00:48:51When you said you wouldn't go out in a town.
00:48:53Well, of course she believed me.
00:48:56Why?
00:48:58Nothing.
00:49:00Uncle, you're not trying to suggest
00:49:02that if Cassandra thought that Rodney
00:49:04was going out in a razzle
00:49:05or that she would go out in a razzle as well,
00:49:07are you?
00:49:11What, you mean what's good with a goose
00:49:13is good with a gander?
00:49:14Yeah.
00:49:16No.
00:49:16Oh.
00:49:19Cassandra wouldn't have gone out.
00:49:22How do you know that?
00:49:24Because I haven't gone out.
00:49:26Yeah, but how does she know that?
00:49:29Because...
00:49:30She just does, right?
00:49:32Our marriage is based on trust.
00:49:35Yeah, he's right.
00:49:37Cassandra wouldn't go out and join us up.
00:49:40She wouldn't have to
00:49:41if she got the flat to herself.
00:49:46So what?
00:49:47No, no, I just...
00:49:48No, I just meant if she felt a bit...
00:49:51lonely...
00:49:51she could invite someone round.
00:49:55Yeah.
00:49:55Like that couple at your anniversary.
00:49:58Steven and his wife.
00:49:59So what's wrong with that?
00:50:00Nothing, nothing.
00:50:01No, it'd be a nice bit of company for Cassandra.
00:50:03She seemed to get on well with that, Steven.
00:50:06Oh.
00:50:08Of course they get on well.
00:50:10They work together at the bank.
00:50:12He is a colleague.
00:50:14In fact, he's more than a colleague.
00:50:16He's on top...
00:50:19He's her immediate superior.
00:50:29No, anyway, she couldn't have invited them two round
00:50:31because Steven's wife's gone away for the weekend.
00:50:33Do you remember?
00:50:34Oh, yeah.
00:50:35Yeah.
00:50:41If that Steven's been round my flat, I'll kill him.
00:50:43What?
00:50:44Now, what put that idea in your head?
00:50:48I don't know.
00:50:48It's just something that's been bugging me.
00:50:51Well, what do you want to do?
00:50:52You want to, you know,
00:50:53pop out for a drink and sort of talk about it?
00:50:56Yeah.
00:50:57Might make you feel better, Rodney.
00:50:59Yeah, well, I suppose I could manage it.
00:51:03This is a conspiracy, innit?
00:51:05You two are in league with each other, innit?
00:51:07You just want me to come to the nightclub with you
00:51:09and you want to bed to yourself.
00:51:10Well, it ain't going to work.
00:51:12I promised Cassandra I would not go out
00:51:14and I'm not going out, all right?
00:51:17All right, all right.
00:51:17Keep your hair on.
00:51:18Well, we was only jeeing you up.
00:51:20We didn't mean any harm.
00:51:21All right.
00:51:22Well, let's just shut up about it and get some sleep.
00:51:29I do have an extra blanket, not freezing in here.
00:51:32It is a bit cold, innit?
00:51:34Cold?
00:51:35You bits of kids don't know the meaning of the word.
00:51:38You should have been with me on the Russian convoys.
00:51:42One night it was so cold, the flame on my lighter froze.
00:51:48Come on then, just one quick light ale.
00:51:52Don't go changing
00:51:55To try to please me
00:51:58You never let me down before
00:52:05Don't imagine
00:52:09Blinded about a scamp, innit, eh?
00:52:11It's fresh and all, you know.
00:52:12Straight out to sea, into your basket.
00:52:14I don't get scampy off this close.
00:52:16Of course you do.
00:52:17It's a sea, innit?
00:52:18Yeah, but it's my game.
00:52:19Yeah, I know, but the scampi don't know that, do they?
00:52:23Hey, what was that starter that, um, Cassandra made us last week?
00:52:28Moles McMarley.
00:52:29Mmm, that's it.
00:52:30They were lovely moles and all, weren't they, eh?
00:52:33Because she's got a style, see?
00:52:35I mean, that Cassandra is a classy lady.
00:52:38What's that?
00:52:39No, no supposed to about it.
00:52:40I mean, a lot of people, you know, cheapos would have used muscles.
00:52:44Hmm, not Cassandra.
00:52:45I mean, I need to know that you will always...
00:52:49We'll get on, Will.
00:52:51Hmm?
00:52:51Yeah, of course we do.
00:52:52Blimey.
00:52:54No, I mean, me and Cassandra.
00:52:56Oh, I see.
00:52:57Oh, good.
00:52:58Because, I mean, your missus should be more than just your wife.
00:53:01You know, she should be your best mate and all.
00:53:03Yeah.
00:53:05It's just...
00:53:08Sometimes you get the feeling...
00:53:14Have you ever read a book?
00:53:18Or have you ever seen a film where someone marries beneath themselves?
00:53:25Now, don't start that, Rodney.
00:53:28You're not married beneath yourself.
00:53:31This song comes from a very lovely family.
00:53:34Your problem is, you're letting her rule you.
00:53:37I mean, take that cobbler's tonight.
00:53:39You know, she wouldn't let you out.
00:53:40I mean, what are you, a man or a mouse?
00:53:42You've got to learn to assert yourself.
00:53:45I mean, I may sound old-fashioned, but you take my word for it.
00:53:48In the end, a man likes a woman to be a woman,
00:53:52and a bird likes a bloke to be a bloke.
00:53:57Do you know, you're right.
00:53:58That is bonnet de douche.
00:54:00Those taste like a box music.
00:54:02Absolutely.
00:54:03Yeah.
00:54:03That's it.
00:54:05Oh, here I go.
00:54:07Drink up.
00:54:12Wait, wait, see?
00:54:14What's the other way out?
00:54:15Oh, girl.
00:54:18Good here, isn't it, eh?
00:54:19Stunning.
00:54:20They've got a magician, a singer, and a comedian.
00:54:23The singer will be on in a minute.
00:54:28Oh, and what will it take till you...
00:54:32So, where are you staying?
00:54:34Oh, we've got a lovely little bed and breakfast.
00:54:37We, wouldn't we?
00:54:38Yeah.
00:54:39It's really good.
00:54:41Yes, well, me, Mike and Alan booked into a hotel down on the front.
00:54:45I've got a room in a motel.
00:54:48They don't know I ain't got a car.
00:54:54I'll keep quiet about that if I was you.
00:54:56Oh, just the way you are.
00:55:17Oh, where's Alan?
00:55:19Oh, of course you wouldn't have heard about that, would you?
00:55:22Well, you know how much Alan loves shellfish.
00:55:25Well, he ate half the ocean bed today,
00:55:27till at some time or another he cocked an unfortunate whelk.
00:55:39Where have I seen that bird before?
00:55:43It's that soul.
00:55:45What's her name?
00:55:46The one you went out with for a while, though?
00:55:48It's Raquel, the stripper Graeme.
00:55:50No, it isn't that.
00:55:51It is, though.
00:55:53Hmm?
00:55:53You look at the boat.
00:55:54The great Raymond, though, and Raquel.
00:56:08It is her.
00:56:15Psst.
00:56:17Psst.
00:56:24Psst.
00:56:38Raquel!
00:56:41Raquel!
00:56:43All right!
00:56:49Bloody hell!
00:56:50How many of you can't be?
00:56:52What are you doing?
00:56:53What are you doing?
00:56:54How many of you can't be?
00:56:54What are you doing?
00:56:55What are you doing?
00:56:58What are you doing?
00:56:58So I got back to England about six months ago.
00:57:01I wasn't sure what to do with myself.
00:57:02I haven't got any family, except a brother in Milton Keynes,
00:57:05but we haven't spoken for years.
00:57:07So I saw my agent, and she tied me in with Ray.
00:57:11Ray?
00:57:11The great Raimondo.
00:57:12Oh, yeah.
00:57:13He was working in a holiday camp down in Devon.
00:57:15His last assistant had walked out on him.
00:57:18Well, he's a bit of a pig.
00:57:21Anyway, after that, we got a three-month contract here.
00:57:24Well, it's not much, but it's a job.
00:57:25Keeps a roof over my head.
00:57:27Yeah.
00:57:30I didn't mean to let you down, you know.
00:57:31I mean, I was on my way round to you when I was, um, unexpectedly arrested.
00:57:36I know.
00:57:37It's all right.
00:57:38You've already explained.
00:57:41Why didn't you write to me?
00:57:44Write to you?
00:57:46I thought you dumped me.
00:57:49I've got pride, Del.
00:57:51Never written to the other blokes who've dumped me.
00:57:53I wasn't starting with you.
00:57:57Do you want to have a drink?
00:57:59No.
00:57:59I'm back on stage in a little while.
00:58:03There's been no-one else.
00:58:05I mean, since we split up.
00:58:07I haven't...
00:58:09You know, I've not been interested.
00:58:12No, no, nor me.
00:58:16No, no, honest.
00:58:17Yeah, all right.
00:58:18I believe you.
00:58:21Anyway, what are you going to do, uh, you know, when this contract's finished?
00:58:24I'm leaving out.
00:58:25I can't stand Ray.
00:58:27He's got a temper.
00:58:28Sometimes he frightens me.
00:58:31Don't know where I'll go.
00:58:32Beckham's very nice this time of year.
00:58:35Is he?
00:58:36I know, a lovely little flat you can stay at and all.
00:58:40Well, maybe I'll try Beckham then.
00:58:43Thanks.
00:58:47Raquel.
00:58:50Would you give me your autograph?
00:58:52Get over me!
00:58:53No, no, no, I mean it straight, honest.
00:58:55I've never given an autograph before.
00:58:57No, look, it's easy.
00:58:59All you've got to do, look, is just write your name.
00:59:04And your address.
00:59:08And your telephone number.
00:59:19All right.
00:59:20Get your pigeons back, all right?
00:59:21Yes, I did.
00:59:22Oh, good.
00:59:22Raquel, I don't know what the hell you were playing at on that stage.
00:59:25Don't you ever let that happen again.
00:59:26I'm sorry, Ray, I was distracted.
00:59:29Professionals are not distracted, love.
00:59:31You either get your act together or you'll find somewhere else.
00:59:33There's plenty more where you came from.
00:59:36We're on in ten minutes.
00:59:38All right, Ray, I'm coming.
00:59:39Do you want me to whack him for you?
00:59:41Hey, please.
00:59:42Hey.
00:59:43Please, stay out of it.
00:59:44The contract hasn't long to run, so all I want to do is keep him sweet.
00:59:49Besides, he's right.
00:59:50It was unprofessional.
00:59:55I'll see you then.
00:59:57Yeah.
00:59:58You've still got my address, haven't you?
00:59:59Yeah.
01:00:00Yeah, well, you know, you can write to me or phone me, you know, if you like.
01:00:07You won't forget, will you?
01:00:08Oh, I'll never forget you, Dal.
01:00:30The most beautiful sound I ever heard.
01:00:33You keep your eyes down.
01:00:35Raquel!
01:00:36Raquel!
01:00:38Raquel!
01:00:39She's lovely, though, isn't she?
01:00:40She's lovely, eh?
01:00:41She's lovely, isn't she?
01:00:42Yes, she's lovely.
01:00:43Shut up.
01:00:52It's locked.
01:00:53It's what?
01:00:54Locked.
01:00:55Locked.
01:00:55Oh, that's right.
01:00:56She said she locks it at 11.
01:00:57What time is it now?
01:00:59It's 20 to 2.
01:01:02I should have to ring the bell.
01:01:03You can't ring the bell.
01:01:04You'll get Mrs. Cresswell out of her coffin.
01:01:08What are we going to do, then?
01:01:09Eh?
01:01:10We can't hang round here till the morning, can we?
01:01:12Dal, if you wake her up, she'll sink her teeth into our necks before you can say wooden
01:01:15steak.
01:01:16You're frightened of her, ain't ya?
01:01:20Yes.
01:01:22Well, I'm not.
01:01:23Well, you ring the bell.
01:01:24I'm going to wipe you on the wall.
01:01:39Alright.
01:01:40Maybe there's another way out of this.
01:01:51That's our room, isn't it?
01:01:53That one.
01:01:55Yeah, I think so.
01:01:56Alright.
01:01:59Albert!
01:02:02Albert!
01:02:04Abandon ship!
01:02:10Throw shit up at the window.
01:02:12Yeah.
01:02:22Ronny, Ronny, now what you've got them done?
01:02:24Ronny, here's your mighty girl in the face of the other window.
01:02:27I've been bent a little pebble you just took off a paper stone from the...
01:02:31My fingers have just been smashed!
01:02:33I heard it!
01:02:34From the police, Edgar!
01:02:36It's all on me, isn't it?
01:02:37I'm going to get nicked twice in one day.
01:02:40Come on, look alive, Ronny.
01:02:41Look alive, just get out of here.
01:02:42Come on, let's get out.
01:02:42Let's get out.
01:02:55Hello?
01:02:56Hi, Raquel, it's Del Boy.
01:02:58Del?
01:02:59What do you want?
01:03:00It's two o'clock in the morning.
01:03:01Yeah, I know, sorry to disturb you, sweetheart, but Rodney's been and got us into a bit of trouble.
01:03:06I've been guessing at least.
01:03:07Yes, you did.
01:03:08It was your bright idea, wasn't it, aren't you?
01:03:10You've done the bloody thing, aren't you?
01:03:11I know, but you said...
01:03:12No, no, no, wait!
01:03:15What's wrong?
01:03:16Oh, we've been locked out of our digs and we've got nowhere to kick for the night and we was
01:03:20wondering if you could put us up till the morning.
01:03:23It's a bit awkward, Del.
01:03:25Oh, Raquel's freezing out here.
01:03:27We just bumped into a brass monkey crying his eyes out.
01:03:32It's all right, then.
01:03:33Push the door and come up.
01:03:35Oh, good girl, you know it makes sense.
01:03:52Oh, hello.
01:03:54Yeah, that's better, of course.
01:03:56His tater's out there.
01:03:57Well, I'm sorry about this, Raquel.
01:03:59Well, that's okay.
01:04:00So what happened?
01:04:01Well, the old girl where we were staying, she locks her doors at eleven.
01:04:05Well, I mean, we didn't leave your nightclub till gone one, did we?
01:04:08Well, I'm afraid an armchair and a settee is the best I can offer you.
01:04:11Oh, no, yeah, that's right.
01:04:12That's lovely.
01:04:13Yeah, thanks.
01:04:15Yeah, come on.
01:04:16No, that'd be lovely, Raquel.
01:04:19Yeah, it's all right.
01:04:19Look, we'll be away first thing in the morning because our new coach comes about nine o'clock.
01:04:23Listen, sweetheart, you won't give us something to warmly old cockles, can you?
01:04:27Yeah, okay.
01:04:29I'll make you a coffee.
01:04:32Oh, yeah, Custy, Custy.
01:04:35She's a blinding bird, ain't she, Rodney, eh?
01:04:37What, Raquel?
01:04:38Yeah, it's terrific, though.
01:04:39She's got a radiant smile.
01:04:40Have you noticed that?
01:04:41What, a radiant smile?
01:04:42Yeah.
01:04:43Yeah.
01:04:44Well, you can't miss it, can you?
01:04:45I mean, you know.
01:04:46I mean, when she walks in, she...
01:04:48Well, she lights up a room.
01:04:49Yeah.
01:04:51Most of your birds walk in and light up a fag.
01:04:53Ha!
01:04:58Yeah.
01:05:00She's straight as a die, you know.
01:05:01Straight as a die.
01:05:02She's don't messing around with other blokes, you know.
01:05:04What, are you saying Cassandra does?
01:05:05No, no, of course not.
01:05:07No, I've got nothing against the girl.
01:05:09It's all right, Lynn, because if I thought you...
01:05:12Sorry.
01:05:12You're a touchy little git sometimes, aren't you, eh?
01:05:15What I was just saying was that since Raquel met me,
01:05:18she hasn't been out with any other blokes.
01:05:21Well, she only met you two hours ago.
01:05:24No, I don't mean this time.
01:05:26I mean, like, the first time.
01:05:27Oh, right.
01:05:30She has been true unto me.
01:05:33Raquel, what's all the noise?
01:05:36The great Raimondo!
01:05:38What's she doing here?
01:05:39What am I doing here?
01:05:40We was locked out of our digs and Raquel said we could spend the night here,
01:05:42but we're going to go soon.
01:05:43Oh, did she?
01:05:44Well, we'll see about that.
01:05:45Raquel!
01:05:46Oh, what's the idea of letting strangers into the flat without even asking me?
01:05:49I'm going to kill him.
01:05:50No, stay calm, Merrick.
01:05:52It's going to take a bloody good surgeon three or four hours to get his magic wand back.
01:05:57Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi.
01:05:59Now, come on, calm down.
01:06:02I want to know what the hell is going on there, and...
01:06:04Look, sit down.
01:06:05Look, I'm not having any...
01:06:06Sit down!
01:06:09Now, look, there's probably a perfectly simple explanation to this.
01:06:13Like what?
01:06:15Well, how the hell should I know?
01:06:17It was a simple explanation, Rodney.
01:06:19The great Raimondo's a bleeding bully boy.
01:06:21Raquel told me.
01:06:22He's got her trapped here.
01:06:23If she don't play ball with him, not only has she lost her job, but she's lost her home as
01:06:27well.
01:06:27That's blackmail, and I don't like that sort of thing.
01:06:29I'm going to sort it out right now.
01:06:31Oi, oi!
01:06:31You're not certain of anything.
01:06:32Don't jump to conclusions.
01:06:34Look, for all you know, them two might be...
01:06:38Well, you know.
01:06:38What?
01:06:42I don't know.
01:06:44Just find out what the situation is, Hurst, right?
01:06:47Nice and easy, there, all right?
01:06:49Nice and easy.
01:06:52Right?
01:06:54Right, right.
01:06:54I'm just going to go in there, and just want to ask a few questions, and, you know, like, that's
01:06:58all.
01:06:59And what happens if you don't like the answers?
01:07:04Well, that's life, isn't it, eh?
01:07:07Just, I don't know where I stand, then, won't I?
01:07:11Eh?
01:07:11All right.
01:07:19Excuse me, I'm terribly sorry to bother you.
01:07:22I just wondered if we could have a little chat, see if we could come to some sort of an
01:07:24understanding.
01:07:26Right?
01:07:26Oh!
01:07:31That's the way down, nice and easy.
01:07:36Now, do you understand what I'm trying to say?
01:07:38Eh?
01:07:39Why the hell did you do that?
01:07:40It's all right, it's all right, Raquel, it's all right.
01:07:42You don't have to be frightened of the great Raimondo no more.
01:07:45Bellboy is here.
01:07:51Rodney, I'll...
01:07:54Right.
01:07:55Raimondo.
01:07:55Oh, can I just call you great, eh?
01:07:59You understand what I've been subtly trying to indicate?
01:08:02You are out, pal.
01:08:04Your lease has expired.
01:08:06This is nature's little way of trying to tell you to get your arse down the road a bit.
01:08:13Why don't you explain to him?
01:08:14He hasn't given me the chance.
01:08:16You better warn him, I was in the Territorials.
01:08:18I don't think that's going to cut a lot of arse with him.
01:08:21All right, there's your coat.
01:08:23There's your case.
01:08:27And there's the front door.
01:08:28Would you prefer to take the more direct route?
01:08:30Can I just say something?
01:08:31Yes.
01:08:32All right, you can say something.
01:08:33You better make it quick and you better make it polite.
01:08:34There is a lady present.
01:08:35There is nothing going on between Raquel and me.
01:08:38Nothing going on between you two?
01:08:39A fellow in a bird, sheer in a flat.
01:08:41There's nothing going on.
01:08:41What do you take me for?
01:08:42I assure you, it's the truth.
01:08:44You see, I'm...
01:08:47I'm...
01:08:48Raquel is not my type.
01:08:50What do you mean she's not your type?
01:08:52You could do a lot worse than that.
01:08:57This is Ray's room.
01:08:59This is my bedroom.
01:09:02Do you see what Ray is saying?
01:09:04If I was the last woman on God's earth, I still wouldn't be his type.
01:09:15Take your time, Dale.
01:09:19See, it's purely a financial situation.
01:09:22It's cheaper than it's paying for separate flats.
01:09:25Oh, you mean you're...
01:09:29Yes.
01:09:31Well, why didn't you say?
01:09:33It's not the sort of thing one drops into an introduction.
01:09:36Oh, God, I'm terribly sorry.
01:09:37What must you think of me?
01:09:38No need, really.
01:09:39Over and done with.
01:09:40Well, you see, I...
01:09:41I didn't know.
01:09:42You didn't ask, did you?
01:09:44No, you see, I thought...
01:09:45Well, I thought...
01:09:46You see, I thought...
01:09:46I mean, I...
01:09:47You see, I didn't know Rodney, eh?
01:09:49Yeah, yeah, you did.
01:09:51You see, oh...
01:09:52Oh, dear.
01:09:52I do believe I may have dropped your suitcase out of the window.
01:09:56I'll fetch it.
01:09:57I can do with the air.
01:10:00No, you see, I'm...
01:10:02You see, I thought...
01:10:03No, no, no, Dale.
01:10:04No, you didn't think.
01:10:05You never think.
01:10:06You don't look.
01:10:07You don't listen.
01:10:08You don't notice any of the signs.
01:10:10You just go at it like a mad bull.
01:10:13I only did it for you.
01:10:14Well, if that is supposed to make me feel better, it doesn't.
01:10:24I might publish your diaries one day, Dale.
01:10:26I reckon that could be a winner.
01:10:29I don't believe you sometimes.
01:10:30Why did you do that?
01:10:33He who dares wins.
01:10:36Always been the same.
01:10:37Well, this time, I reckon that he who dared cocked it right up.
01:10:47I know you did it for me, but you were stupid and you were embarrassing.
01:11:09See you, Dave.
01:11:17Hey, brothers.
01:11:20Rodney, here.
01:11:22Here, a minute.
01:11:23Come here, manny.
01:11:27Listen, you a master of your own flat?
01:11:30Yeah, yeah, okay.
01:11:31You're a man.
01:11:32You don't want any rules, no collars and lead.
01:11:35All right, then, all right.
01:11:37You've got to go in there and put your foot down with a firm hand.
01:11:40You don't know where she stands.
01:11:44You've just got to sort it out.
01:11:47All right, just, you know, sort it out.
01:11:51I'll see you.
01:11:53I'll see you then. Ta-da.
01:11:59Guys?
01:12:14I didn't expect you back this early.
01:12:17No, I will.
01:12:18Here I am.
01:12:20Cass, can we have a talk?
01:12:22I don't think this is an appropriate time, Roddy.
01:12:24Maybe later.
01:12:24Look, I really think we ought to sit down and discuss.
01:12:27Oh, six...
01:12:30Let's go.
01:12:32What are you doing here?
01:12:34Well, I was just passing.
01:12:36So how was...
01:12:38Margate?
01:12:39Forget Margate.
01:12:41What are you doing in my flat?
01:12:42Hey.
01:12:43Back off, Rod.
01:12:45I mean...
01:12:46What's the problem?
01:12:48Roddy, what's wrong?
01:12:49Well, I'll tell you the problem, shall I?
01:12:51It's something I've really wanted to do for a long time, but I've never got round to it, so...
01:12:56Let me...
01:12:57Run this past you, Stephen.
01:12:59Try and get your head round this.
01:13:03Now you know where I'm coming from, OK?
01:13:06Buddy.
01:13:07Come, Stephen.
01:13:14Don't post me on the boots.
01:13:16What's she doing here?
01:13:17I thought she was going away for the weekend to her parents.
01:13:20She was, but there was a rail strong.
01:13:22Joanne brought this holiday brochure round for us.
01:13:29Do you see anything in it you like?
01:13:35Hello, sweetheart.
01:13:37How are you today?
01:13:39Oh, good.
01:13:40How was the great Raimondo?
01:13:43Oh, yeah.
01:13:44Well, I'm sure he's heart of hearts, he understood.
01:13:47Now, we've been back about an hour.
01:13:49Yeah.
01:13:50Hmm?
01:13:50No, everyone's all right.
01:13:52Mm-hmm.
01:13:53We dropped Rodney off at his house, yeah.
01:13:57Cassandra?
01:13:58Ah, she'll be all right.
01:14:01She'll be as good as gold.
01:14:02Rodney's a bit of a charmer on the choir.
01:14:05Now he knows how to handle situations.
01:14:09Yes, I know.
01:14:10Sometimes I wish I was a bit more like him at all.
01:14:13Yeah.
01:14:14Oh, Albert, he's feeling much better now.
01:14:17Yeah?
01:14:17Oh, didn't you hear?
01:14:19He got a whack on the head.
01:14:22I don't know.
01:14:23I don't know.
01:14:24The strangest thing, he was lying in bed last night...
01:14:30Well, all of a sudden, the rock came flying through the window.
01:14:34And it caught him a clancing blow on the head.
01:14:39I don't know.
01:14:40It's a mystery.
01:14:42No mystery to me.
01:14:44Buddy, your bow's done it.
01:14:45They should be not done.
01:14:46That's right, honk.
01:14:47That is absolutely right, yeah.
01:14:48Tell her what happened to Boyce and Mike when they was walking home from a nightclub.
01:14:51Yeah.
01:14:52What?
01:14:52What was that?
01:14:53Someone chucked a suitcase for a window.
01:14:58It's caught right on her shoulder.
01:15:02Fortunately, Boyce's head broke its form.
01:15:06It's a terrible old world, isn't it, sweetheart?
01:15:10Listen, Raquel.
01:15:11Raquel, you have forgiven me now, haven't you, sweetheart?
01:15:15Oh, good.
01:15:15You don't make sense.
01:15:17Listen, I was thinking about taking the van out for a test drive next Saturday.
01:15:22Well, I'm fitting a new radio.
01:15:24I was thinking I might go down to Margit.
01:15:27I wouldn't be in a hurry to get home.
01:15:29I was just wondering if you could get the great Raimondo to do a disappearing act.
01:15:34Oh, goose tea.
01:15:36Yeah.
01:15:37Oh, that's great.
01:15:38Yeah, all right, darling.
01:15:39I'll see you next Saturday, sweetheart.
01:15:42Yeah.
01:15:42All right.
01:15:43Bye for now.
01:15:44Bye.
01:15:46Lovely jubbly.
01:15:47Oi, what's your game?
01:15:48You want a cup of tea?
01:15:49Go and make one, you lazy old sob.
01:15:57All right, that's all now.