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00:02Michael Michael Mike what is it now
00:07this is your lucky night how's that for a portable computer hey look at that
00:13it's got 64k it's got UHF output it's got a megabyte disk drive it's got ROM
00:19it's got RAM it's got them little red and green lights it's got everything
00:22that's all I want with a computer Dale what does it want with a computer everyone's got a computer
00:27these days have you got one have I got one he's got 25 yes thank you Rodney thank
00:34you very much so listen to me now this this particular model normally retails
00:40at 399 pounds of the realm I'm giving it to you at 150 I'm gonna throw in a free
00:47joystick this thing it processes all your data oh yeah yeah and what exactly does
00:53that mean what does that mean what do you mean are you dim or something tell him what
00:57it means Rodney you see he did a course in this and he came top of the clock didn't you
01:02well it's uh but in layman's terms right well you can record all your business deals on it oh great
01:13look I spend half my life trying to hide me business deals the last thing I need is to have
01:17them all recorded on the floppy bloody desk I'm not really I'm not interested why don't you ask
01:21Trigger hey Trigger with a computer do me a favour he's still struggling with light switches
01:31loaded here try that Albert last time I tasted something like that was when I was in Egypt
01:39yeah what was it a local brew no I fell in the Nile here Mike I ordered beer don't try
01:46to be
01:46funny with me trick I'll tell you this much I've had certificates for my beer yeah I've had a few
01:50days off work with it and all I mean stone me I don't know these bloody computers I bought 30
01:57of
01:58them I've only sold five well it's not too bad though not too bad not too bad I've had them
02:01a
02:02year and a half our sales campaign suffered badly when a local officer of fair trading announced to
02:07the press that they don't work they do work Rodney they just need a bit of fiddling about with that's
02:12all they don't work properly do you know about this sort of thing then Dave well yeah
02:17as I do recently I took a computer course at the adult education center and failed I did not fail
02:24what you passed I didn't strictly pass either the man in charge right he said not in so many words
02:31I
02:31should concentrate more on the theoretical side rather than the actual keyboard there what he
02:35actually said was keep your bloody hands off my machine thank you for being so encouraging
02:40down right but I tell you if I could pass that course and get my diploma I might be able
02:44to get
02:45a real job working as a real company employee instead of hanging around with a deadly duo you and that
02:49suitcase I just watch it do you know what he's had me doing today look this is one of them
02:54infrared
02:55massages right cures rheumatics and all that sort of game he's had me obbling through the market
02:59like I've got bad lumbago right and then healing hands trotter spots me and cures me in front of all
03:06the panties he used to be a cowboy now he's a medicine man oh shut up you tart you're just
03:13not
03:14because you had a hole in your vest anyway listen I can't hang about here here do you remember that
03:18chop suey house down by the station the one we decorated yeah it's gone bust and they're auctioning
03:23all their gear tonight so I'm gonna have a sniff round right see you later all right oh my god
03:28mr. Trotter um oh mr. Jahan what a pleasant surprise what brings you in that computer has
03:35sold me last month still not working there must be some simple explanation why don't we sit down
03:42and discuss it over a drink now this what can I get you okay something non-alcoholic non-alcoholic
03:47Michael point of your best bitter please I have a business to run mr. Trotter when I bought the
03:55computer at your suggestion in order to streamline my business so far your computer has managed to
04:00destroy my accounts my stock records and set fire to my curtains must be pressing the wrong button
04:07mr. Jahan we are talking out of limits high tech here I mean that computer was used in the American
04:13space shuttle but it blew up yes I don't mean it was the same computer although that would explain
04:22why it isn't working too well no no no just trust me mr. Jahan give it a bit of time
04:26and I guarantee to
04:27you in a few days time you'll wonder how you ever managed without it all right I'll give it one
04:31week
04:32then I'll be back to see you that's the spirit mr. Jahan you know it makes sense ah thank you
04:36Michael
04:36I'll see you later anyway I thought that that young fellow you had working for you was a bit of
04:41a
04:41computer boffin oh he has resigned said the work did not agree with him I don't know half of them
04:47they don't know they're born these days today I have placed ads in the local paper and at the job
04:52center but all to no avail it's not a difficult job and I pay good wages yeah that's gonna be
05:02difficult for you mr. Jahan I mean you're looking for a young man with drive and enthusiasm on you
05:06no not really I mean a couple of GCEs wouldn't go amiss though would they there's no necessities for
05:12all this all what I'm looking for is somebody who can walk I mean you're talking top-notch most
05:18people of that colliber have gone off with the brain drain no no it's gonna be a difficult one
05:23not mr. Jahan I can oh but wait a minute oh potpourri this must be your lucky night mr. Jahan
05:31I may
05:32have the very person you're looking for only my younger brother no he's enthusiastic and he's got
05:38GCEs in Mavs and Art well since he came back from Cambridge he's been wheeling and dealing in the
05:44commodities market and all the headhunters have been after him you know right from the bank of
05:49England right down to ICI but he fancies something a bit more local can he walk walk yeah he dashes
05:54about all over the place discuss it with me then no no I'll discuss it with you how much you
05:58offer
05:58a hundred Del Boy's got something going over there oh I mean somebody's gonna suffer
06:07talking of suffering my niece is getting married next Saturday you remember little Lisa don't you
06:12she came up last year she was the one who arranged for Del Boy to have a go on a
06:17hang glider
06:17oh yeah I liked her well she's invited you all down to Hampshire for the wedding well it's very
06:27nice of a trick you tell her I'll be delighted you two are coming Del's accepted for you he's
06:32accept here's something else ain't he hold on I thought Lisa was getting married last year
06:36yeah she was and then then she found out that she wasn't well now she's found out she is again
06:58should be good though day down by the coast nice little drink afterwards talking to drinks I'll get
07:03these in oh yeah Rodney this must be your lucky night I've only been and got you a job I
07:11don't
07:12want it what do you mean you don't want it you only just said you'd like to get a job
07:16yeah not from
07:16him I've had some of his little jobs in the past I'm here to tell you he is no Brook
07:20Street Bureau
07:22oh that's charming that ain't it that is charming that that is all the thanks I get after all the
07:28work and effort I've done that is the thanks I get well anyway it wasn't just the job it was
07:33a
07:33career move I haven't got a career no but you would have had one and it would have been moving
07:37besides that we've had some wages coming in the flat we're brassic at the moment yeah I noticed some
07:41of your novel money-saving devices are in evidence again so what's this job then you're not interested
07:48Rodney are you so it's purely epidemic in it I what sort of job was it Del he would have
07:55been a
07:56trainee computer programmer eventually and it was mentioned that the successful candidate would
08:03with endeavor attain executive status hold on I thought it was gonna be you know I'm pin boxes
08:12around stuff like that I didn't know I was gonna be a training he mentioned your CV how bad's that
08:19hey nice little citron you might have been referring to my curriculum v-type west no problem is no
08:29heavy lifting involved after start at the bottom though of course but doing what well it's sort
08:37of delivering delivering yeah so basically just to start with and it's 90 quid cash in hand no tax no
08:43nonsense hold on if I'm working cash in hand I'm not a real employee yes you will because that's
08:48only temporary that hey would you say come on well where would I be working well you know that big
08:55new office block down in Wilmot Road the one with a smoke glass and the leary cars where all them
08:59young
08:59birds come out of at lunchtime yeah that's the one right opposite here is an alley yes between the
09:10undertaker's and the light of Nepal restaurant so you go down that alley right then you find a
09:15yard now you pop your head in there on Monday morning and you ask for a Mr. Jahan he will
09:19give
09:19you your duties and your uniform and good lord is that the time I've got to get down the jinkies
09:22I'll see you later why would the trainee computer programmer need a uniform
09:37you see what this means you've just been promoted to the geezer in the market with the bad back
09:53congratulations Lisa and to you to Andrew my very best wishes for many years of happiness who knows in a
10:00year or two from now we could be back in the church celebrating the christening of your first
10:03ball actually my mother wants to have a word with you about that oh excuse me vicar vic vic
10:18mr trotter how nice thank you once again for your lift oh bain marie bain marie it was the least
10:23that
10:23I can do oh sorry it was a bit bumpy but at least we didn't have far to go did
10:27we oh that reminds me
10:28uh you know the computer I was talking about I left it for you in your vestry you left it
10:33in my vestry
10:34yeah yeah it's all right I had to take it out the back of the van anyway to get you
10:37in didn't I
10:39listen just in case the old bishop asks right now they normally retail at $3.99 but you can have
10:45it
10:45one and a half and a pony off for cash pony all right then 30 quid I can't say fairer
10:53than that
10:53I'll let you have it on two weeks approval I mean if I can't trust you can I trust mate
10:59I mean ask and it shall be given you know that is my motto
11:04excuse me here here darling you're one of the bridesmaids aren't you
11:11oh thanks Rodney what are you doing over here on your own me I was just reminiscing
11:18this used to be my old stamping ground Hawksworth's just a couple of miles out of the road there
11:23yeah bet you had some laughs around here eh no no the warden used to go out not like my
11:30daughter's
11:30trotters back in pork congratulations Brian you remember Mike don't you
11:37he's the water diviner from the nags head
11:39oh of course I do hello Mike it's lovely to see you again oh this is Andy my husband
11:45congratulations son you'll never regret what you did today I should know I've been married 18 years
11:50oh thanks a lot is your wife here uh no we broke up back in 73
11:57skipper said I know we'll try and hide in one of the fields see how I'm touching
12:02I think I may have heard this story before
12:06did you sink
12:09yeah I've heard it
12:15I don't know why do you bother to listen to him
12:18I don't know a moment of weakness I suppose
12:21he's all a bit upmarket can't he tell
12:23yeah it's of a surprise to see you
12:27I'm at home in any walk of life how are you sweetheart
12:33don't believe it would you behave yourselves
12:36we are only an hyphen or two away from a society wedding here and you're behaving as if you're on
12:40a charabang trip to the lights
12:42don't shut up he's not being good
12:46I'm merely trying to conduct myself with a little decorum
12:51oh dear I assume this bundle is from you
12:56that is our present yes
12:59good god it looks like the bomb squad's there to go isn't it
13:02what have you bought the unlucky couple
13:04a 13 piece dinner service
13:08we bought them a dinner service as well
13:10oh I shouldn't worry Marlene
13:12there'll be no comparison
13:15we got ours from Royal Dalton
13:17most probably got theirs from Dalton's Weekly
13:23he's good isn't he boys yeah
13:24he's got more front and south end look
13:27oh but it is a lovely dinner service Dalton
13:31he's got a hand-painted pattern
13:32depicting the changing seasons of the English countryside
13:37he's probably given them that old crockery he bought at the Chinese auction
13:40how dare you
13:42what sort of bloke do you think I am
13:45oh I wouldn't put it past you
13:47come along Marlene
13:48shall we circulate
13:51bloody hell boy see we've already been around more times than a break dancer
13:56did our dinner service come from the bankrupt chinkies
13:59no it did not I swear on my life
14:03well them plates had an awful lot of pandas and pagodas on them
14:06yeah it did come from the Chinese takeaway
14:08no look we've been really strapped for money recently
14:11anyway I thought they looked like rather nice pagodas myself
14:14no they ain't
14:15they look more like a prisoner of war camp
14:17I mean how's it gonna make us look eh
14:19boy see a Marlene service depict the changing seasons
14:23ours contains scenes from Tenko
14:25I suppose you're right
14:33hang about it
14:35here hold on please
14:36hold on
14:37hold on
14:38hold on
14:39ah ah all right
14:40smell that
14:40oh dear
14:52he who dares wins
15:07maureen
15:08do you want a drink
15:09I'll have a port and lemon
15:12better make it a small one
15:13because I've had orders from young Lisa that I mustn't get Oliver Twist in front of his family
15:18I don't know who she thinks they are big acts and no drawers most of them
15:24here's a face from the past
15:26out on the trotter
15:28I don't believe it
15:29hello weenie girl how you going
15:31I thought you went down with the Lusitania
15:34the Lord says he did
15:36they tried but they couldn't get me
15:38how long have you been living out this way
15:40oh I moved from Peckham in 1965
15:42I couldn't stand that estate any longer
15:45it's nice and peaceful out here
15:47and I don't have to save up to get to the seaside
15:49you must be retired now
15:52oh I'm living back with a family
15:54Joni's kids
15:56the old boy's not here is he
15:57he's in there having a dance
15:59he'll be out soon
16:00he ain't had a drink for four minutes
16:03little Rodney's here as well
16:04oh my
16:06Rodney's here
16:07oh the little dog
16:10that's him there
16:13the last time I saw you
16:15you was in your brain
16:20oh bloody hell is this
16:23I'm Rodney
16:26you're a little Rodney
16:27oh ain't you got big
16:31you don't remember me do you darling
16:35no
16:35she's a tricky's aunt reenie
16:38she used to be your mum's best friend
16:40oh yeah
16:41me and Joni
16:42the terrible twins
16:45do you remember when your mum
16:46had that cleaning job
16:47down at the town hall
16:48no
16:50I used to look after you
16:52while she was at work
16:54bath you and everything
16:59remember when I took you shopping
17:00that day in Woolworths
17:02no
17:03yes I was pushing you round
17:05you was picking up things
17:06off the counter
17:07and I didn't know
17:08but when I got you home
17:09and took you out the pram
17:10I found three bottles of scent
17:12a packet of weights
17:13and a Helen Shapiro record
17:16so next day
17:17I took you up selfridges
17:24I reckon the rumours were right
17:26Joni was never 100% sure
17:28you can see the likeness
17:29don't you
17:33do you fancy a dart screen
17:34I'll still cut a rug with the best of them
17:36keep your hands to yourself though
17:45what's all that about
17:46god knows
17:47no I remember her from years ago
17:49she's never been the full ten ball
17:50oi
17:51that's my auntie you were talking about
17:52must be a family trait then a tree
18:04how have I dunk up in there
18:07Marlene's pulling all the bloke's shirt tails out
18:09no
18:14Irene
18:14it ain't Irene
18:16it's Queenie Turpin
18:19remember me do ya
18:20remember you
18:22remember ya
18:23I'm still having nightmares about you
18:25darling
18:26how are you sweetheart
18:27you keeping well
18:28I'm smashing Dale
18:30I say you're looking very prosperous
18:32oh well you know
18:33life's been pretty good to us
18:35hasn't it Albert
18:36eh
18:36non-stop Mardi Gras
18:39you look great
18:40you really do
18:41go on let's go and sit down
18:42I'm really really cream
18:43crack it off
18:44let's go
18:47she used to be a right little rave
18:49in her younger days
18:50yeah
18:52they reckon that
18:53during a war
18:53she had more yanks than Eisenhower
18:57I heard that a Normandy landing
18:59started from her scullery
19:03what are you talking about
19:05it triggers all me
19:14when was it the last time that I saw you
19:16well I moved from Peckham in 1965
19:18so that's nearly 23 years
19:22you promised you'd come and see me
19:24oh yeah yeah well
19:26you know it's reen you know
19:27I've got to be tied up
19:28what with you know
19:29business and what have you
19:31he seems a nice kid
19:32young Rodney
19:33oh yeah
19:35do you know he's got a diamond
19:36where other blokes have got a heart
19:38he's a clever kid and all
19:40he's got GCEs
19:41everything
19:41well he's had you behind him
19:42to guide him Del
19:44he wouldn't be in the position
19:45he's in today
19:45if it hadn't have been for you
19:47I've just tried to do my best
19:49buying
19:50hadn't have promised to mum
19:53she'd have been so proud
19:54of you two boys
20:00I reckon that's why
20:01I moved down here
20:03the old place changed
20:04when your mum went
20:05I lost the best friend
20:07I ever had
20:09she was a lovely lady
20:10wasn't she
20:10oh if things had worked out
20:12a bit better
20:14you and Rodney
20:15could have been millionaires
20:16by now
20:16yeah
20:18I remember going to visit her
20:20in the hospital
20:20and her saying to me
20:23if only I knew
20:24where he didn't it reen
20:25my boys would be set
20:27for life
20:32in what?
20:34what the gold
20:38gold?
20:39what gold?
20:40his gold
20:41he's he?
20:42who's he?
20:44Freddy the Frog
20:44Freddy the Frog?
20:45who's Freddy the Frog?
20:47really mum never told you?
20:48no
20:50oh my god
20:51me and my mouth
20:52forget I said anything Del
20:54forget it
20:55how can I forget it?
20:56you know come on
20:57come on
20:57you've got to tell me now
20:58come on
20:59otherwise I'll only find out
21:00somewhere else
21:02it all happened
21:03a long time ago
21:05she met him
21:06in about
21:081959
21:09who?
21:10who?
21:10Freddy Robbdall
21:13who's Freddy Robbdall?
21:15that was Freddy the Frog's
21:17real name
21:18oh
21:19he was a villain
21:20from Rotherhithe
21:21oh not a nasty one
21:23I mean no guns
21:24or violence
21:24he was a
21:25he was a gentleman thief
21:28bit of a dandy
21:29was Freddy
21:29he used to love
21:31French wine
21:31and paintings
21:32and what have you
21:34he had a little
21:35holiday chalet
21:35down this way
21:37they reckon
21:38when the police
21:40broke in
21:40the walls
21:42was covered
21:42in Monet's
21:44and other originals
21:47what's this got to do
21:48with my mum?
21:49well
21:51she sort of
21:53befriended him
21:54yeah she would
21:56she was a very
21:56friendly lady
21:57I mean
21:58she'd help anyone out
22:00yes
22:02well
22:03she used to help
22:04Freddy the Frog
22:07anyway
22:08one day in August
22:101963
22:12Freddy
22:13and a little gang
22:15broke into the vaults
22:16of a bank
22:17up in the city
22:19they got away
22:21with over a quarter
22:22of a million pounds
22:24in gold bullion
22:28the rest of the gang
22:29got caught
22:30but Freddy
22:31and the gold
22:33got away
22:34well
22:35a short time afterwards
22:38Freddy
22:39while still on the run
22:40was tragically killed
22:43in a freak accident
22:45and when they opened
22:46his will
22:48he'd left everything
22:49he owned
22:50to your mum
22:52what do you mean?
22:53all the monets
22:54and the originals
22:55and all that
22:56oh no
22:57they had to be returned
22:58to the original owners
23:01the same went for the gold
23:02except of course
23:04that nobody knew
23:06where Freddy
23:07had eaten it
23:08then your mum
23:09left all her worldly
23:10possessions to you
23:12including
23:13the lost gold
23:16so
23:17if that gold
23:18was worth
23:19a quarter of a million
23:20in 1963
23:22it must be worth
23:24well
23:25a million now
23:26or maybe two
23:27and it's mine
23:29yours and Rodney's
23:30yeah
23:31well it's the same fee
23:33I'm a millionaire
23:36I know
23:37bloody shame
23:38no one knows
23:39where it's in me
23:41it is a bit of a choker
23:43that
23:43isn't it
23:46I'll get us a refill
23:48I'll get us a refill
23:55Rodney
23:57I know you may find this hard to believe
23:59I know
24:01it may even come as a bit of a shock to you
24:05we are millionaires
24:10oh good
24:11perhaps we can take that magnet
24:12off the electricity meter
24:14now
24:22now listen to me
24:23do you remember in the past
24:24right
24:24when you had trouble
24:25with your cilla
24:25the old cilla black
24:26right
24:27what did you do
24:27you used the stagger
24:28down to the quacks
24:29didn't you
24:29and you pop in there
24:30you paid £2.50
24:31for a prescription
24:32you pop that into the chemist
24:34and he'll give you
24:34a free bob tube of algebra
24:36well thank goodness
24:37those days are over
24:38they're over thanks to this
24:39revolutionary new device
24:41the InfraMax
24:42Deep Penetration Massager
24:46Oi
24:46you two
24:47you two girls
24:49you're miles off
24:49they're warning you
24:50there's nothing to do with it
24:52this is an osteopaedic device
24:53which emits
24:54infrared rays
24:56that penetrate deep into the muscles
24:58soothing the pain away
24:59giving you permanent
25:00and instant relief
25:02seriously
25:03listen to me
25:03how much would you expect to pay
25:05how much would you expect to pay
25:06if you went on Marley Street
25:07how much would you expect to pay
25:08for that
25:08now don't touch it
25:09you have a fortune
25:09you'd expect to pay
25:10£70 to £80
25:11for one of these
25:12no absolutely straight
25:13but thank goodness
25:14thanks to bulk buying
25:15free enterprise
25:16and a mate of mine
25:17who does a bit of smuggling
25:18I can let you have one of these
25:20for a mere £15
25:21that's all it is
25:22what do you mean
25:22I'll let you have this
25:23for the same amount of money
25:24that I paid for it
25:25and that is £14
25:27come on
25:27it's £40
25:28yeah
25:29snatch it off me
25:30come on
25:30you won't get a better
25:31do you mind moving on sir
25:32because I'm trying to do
25:33a bit of business here sir
25:34sorry sir
25:35that's alright
25:35now listen
25:36I don't care whether you've got
25:37earache, neckache, backache
25:39or even
25:40any other sort of ache
25:42this little device
25:43will cure it
25:44try it on him then
25:45do what ladies
25:46try on the old fella
25:48no no no no
25:49no no
25:49I don't want to
25:49look I don't want to
25:50do my batteries up
25:51do I
25:51no
25:52anyway that's probably
25:53not backache
25:53that's body language
25:54I think you're trying to
25:55tell you something
25:56right
25:57it's rheumatic son
25:59stuff I've worked for years
26:00try a massager on him
26:02all right
26:07all right
26:07all right
26:08I will
26:11that soppy little thing
26:12won't do me no good
26:13my back's been under expert
26:15compounded the medical world
26:17my back has
26:17well
26:18at least let me try
26:19it can't do any harm
26:20can it sir
26:20eh
26:21give me a try
26:21come on
26:22slip your coat off
26:22just slip your coat off
26:23now
26:23that's it
26:24let's see what you can
26:25oh I see you're a naval war hero sir
26:2640 years before the mass
26:28fighting the king of country
26:29well that's
26:32hey groan
26:33groan
26:34oh god be back
26:35that's it
26:36right
26:36remember no sudden movements
26:38not until I've applied
26:40the healing rays
26:41of the inframax
26:42deep penetration massager
26:43right here we go
26:45here it is
26:46can you feel that sir
26:47can you feel the relaxing warmth
26:49soothing the pain and tension away
26:50in your lumbar region
26:51hmm
26:53yeah
26:53that's very few of pooting
26:55that is
26:55I ain't never had a stand on me
26:57before
26:57oh
26:58coming from an old sailor
26:59that is saying something
27:00isn't it
27:01ain't it
27:02no
27:02it's lovely that is
27:04my back feels better already
27:06there you are
27:07look at that
27:08I can stand up straight
27:09I haven't been able to stand up
27:11straight for years
27:13well
27:24I can't believe you
27:26what is he doing to me
27:28he's just a stooge
27:30out of the act
27:31no
27:31no no
27:32hey
27:33no of course
27:33we've never met before in our lives
27:35have we sir
27:35no deal we haven't
27:44come
27:45you told me to get better
27:47in front of a crowd
27:48yes I know that
27:49but I didn't ask you to do the third act
27:50from singing in the rain
27:51did I
27:52you came round the corner
27:53looking like old father times
27:55with one rubber knee massage
27:56and you turned into Wayne's sleep
27:58I'm not used to all this market speeding
28:00why you get Rodney to do it
28:02because Rodney started his new job today
28:04anyway
28:04can't be in two places at the same time
28:07oh come on
28:08clear all this lot up will ya
28:10bloody fair eh
28:11I fought a war for the younger generation
28:14oh yeah
28:14what side were you on
28:16little boy
28:17Albert
28:20good wedding wasn't it
28:21oh yeah
28:22yeah it was much
28:23Lisa and Andy were double pleased
28:24with that dinner service you bought on Deli
28:26must have cost a fortune
28:27nah that's alright Trigg
28:28you know
28:28anything for the young couple
28:31well here comes money look
28:32did you see the crappy present he bought
28:34no no no
28:37I didn't catch that Trigg
28:38no
28:38load of cheap old plates
28:40the sort of thing you get in a bad Chinese restaurant
28:44well
28:44that's typical of him though isn't it eh
28:46that's why he's so rich
28:47you know for being so tight
28:48yeah he's tight
28:49yeah
28:52you know he's the sort of bloke
28:53who buys a tin of baked beans on Tuesday
28:55so he can have a bubble bath on Wednesday
29:00morning gentlemen
29:01hey
29:02hey
29:02all right
29:03another fine day in Gotham setting
29:07well Trigger
29:08the wedding's seen a go off very well
29:10all things considered
29:10yeah it was all right
29:11wasn't it
29:12did Lisa and what's his name
29:14find time to look at my present
29:16yeah
29:17they looked at it
29:18not for long though
29:20and what about his little gift
29:22oh well they put Del's present
29:24straight in their display cabinet
29:28peasants
29:29it reminds me
29:30talking to the wedding
29:31there's something I want to ask you two
29:32now listen
29:33think back to the early 60s right
29:35do you remember
29:36Freddy the Frog
29:37Freddy the Frog
29:39hmm
29:40no
29:40don't ring a bell
29:41I remember Torchy
29:43the battery boy
29:44what about Twizzle
29:46I don't believe you two
29:49I just don't believe you
29:50hang up
29:52that's off
29:53hello
29:54hello
29:55your minicab's arrived Albert
30:01is that Dave
30:07yeah
30:17you dicks
30:19you rotten dicks
30:23you never told me
30:24my new job
30:25was a cheap moaner
30:26Freddy
30:26social respect
30:30what's he doing
30:31just you white Phil
30:33just you white
30:48why are you
30:49taking us down here
30:50Roddy
30:50it's no entry
30:51yeah
30:53sorry Mr. Jahan
30:54I was talking to my brother
30:55and I
30:56sorry
30:58erm
31:00could you just back up
31:01a little bit please
31:05would you mind backing up
31:06a little bit please
31:07because we
31:09oh what's the trouble
31:14I can't stand it anymore
31:16oh
31:17what a plonker
31:19excuse me
31:20out of the way
31:20Ali Ali Ali
31:21Ali Ali
31:21miss we
31:22yes
31:23I'm finding this rather upsetting too
31:26do you know the bloke in the hearse
31:27no
31:28but I know the bloke in the Cortina
31:29I sold it to him last week
31:34you're a liar girl
31:35I swear to you Rodney
31:36I did not know what your duties would be
31:38Mr. Jahan never told me
31:40you didn't know my arse
31:41you didn't know my arse
31:42you just
31:42I threw some money in the flat
31:44yeah well
31:44every little helps Rodney
31:46every little helped
31:47and anyway
31:47I thought that black suit
31:49looked really good on you
31:50no it didn't
31:51I saw a reflection of myself
31:53in a window
31:53I looked like a wand
31:57you told me I'd be a trainee computer programmer
32:00and are you not programming his computer
32:03oh yes I am programming his computer
32:05I am also an apprentice pool bearer
32:08a fully fledged chief mourner
32:09and I have to go and get the sandwiches
32:11as long as you've got job satisfaction
32:14that's the main thing
32:15yes well I have not got job satisfaction actually
32:17matter of fact
32:18I am thinking of resigning
32:19well you better hurry up before he sacks you
32:22look that big traffic jam was not my fault
32:24all right
32:24you name one person who blamed me
32:27Mr. Jahan did
32:28grieving relatives did
32:29the flying I did
32:30it weren't my fault
32:34the differential on that Cortina seized up
32:36well I called for the RAC
32:38and they called for a tow truck
32:39but it couldn't get through
32:40why?
32:41well because of the big traffic jam
32:44anyway it all went off all right in the end
32:45oh yeah it went off all right in the end
32:47I mean you could have started a trend
32:48floodlit funerals could be all the rage
32:53anyway I don't want to talk no more about it
32:55I've got more important things on my mind
32:57oh we're not getting back to
32:59Freddy the bleeding frog again are we?
33:01yes we are
33:03it's a million quids worth of gold bullion out there
33:05and it's mine
33:06it's ours
33:07you are some of else you are
33:09a drunken old woman
33:10spends you some cock and bull story
33:12and you fall for it
33:13now listen Rodney
33:14just because Reanie was a good time girl
33:16who liked the occasional ties her
33:18that was all right
33:18she was never a liar
33:20anyway I've been out and seen a few faces this afternoon
33:23I've got some information
33:24they have confirmed it
33:25right about a robbery
33:27the gold bullion never being found
33:29the lot
33:30how can you be sure it ain't been found?
33:33I mean over the past few years
33:35every policeman and underworld figure in the country
33:37must have been looking for that gold
33:38yeah and what would they have done with it eh?
33:41they'd either put it through a fence
33:42which meant it becomes public knowledge right
33:45or they smelt it down themselves right
33:47if they do that
33:48well that amount of gold coming onto the market
33:50Rodney causes ripples right
33:51the sort of ripples
33:53that would be remembered for a long time
33:55what if the police found it?
33:57I'm talking about the police
34:01the chaps never found it either
34:04I had a chat with the Driscoll brothers
34:07you went and saw the Driscoll brothers?
34:09why what are they like?
34:10god what is smashing blank sunk
34:12it's like bumping into the two Ronnies
34:14Biggs and Cray
34:16they never sussed out while you was asking questions?
34:19no
34:21I mean you know what they're like don't you?
34:24a couple of years ago right
34:26some guru reckoned the world would end within a month
34:29and Danny Driscoll better grand that it would
34:35and he's the brains of the earth
34:39the only trouble was
34:40I kept on having to refer to him as Freddy the Frog
34:43I couldn't remember his real surname
34:45it was I don't know Robson or something
34:47Robdo
34:47Robdo
34:48that's what it was
34:50I've been trying to think of that all afternoon
34:57just a minute
34:58did you know him?
35:01yeah vaguely
35:03well why didn't you say?
35:06well first time I met him he was just a kid
35:0818, 19
35:09different age group from me
35:11then over the years I used to bump into him every so often
35:14usually in one of the pubs down the docks
35:18he was a very likeable bloke
35:19very generous
35:20he was very tall and handsome
35:24everybody liked him especially the women
35:26they used to fall over themselves for him
35:28yes yes yes yes
35:29what about the gold bullion?
35:32well he robbed a bank in the city
35:33we know all that don't we?
35:35what happened after the robbery?
35:38well about a week after
35:40Freddy and an explosives expert called Jelly Kelly
35:44they broke into a post office
35:46in Plumstead
35:48yeah that's right
35:49and then apparently they set the wires of the explosives all right
35:53everything going well
35:55when
35:55nobody knew why
35:57Freddy the Frog
35:59sat on a detonator
36:02they found him up on a roof
36:04they were building across the road
36:08all right
36:09what happened to the other mush?
36:11Kelly the Jelly?
36:12well he was holding the nitroglycerine when Freddy sat down
36:17so he didn't survive either?
36:19well if he did he'd be no good in a Mexican way
36:29I don't know
36:31wherever I go it's the same story ain't it?
36:34Freddy the Frog took the secret with him
36:36maybe he shipped the gold abroad
36:37nah there wouldn't have been time
36:39there was only a week between him doing the job
36:41and hitting the snooze button
36:42weren't there?
36:45do you know there's another thing that's confusing me and all
36:47I mean if that Freddy the Frog was going out
36:49with a married woman on this estate
36:51why did he leave all his money to our mum?
36:57it's mystery innit?
37:01I'll make some tea
37:03and there's another thing
37:04I was talking to one of them Driscoll heavies
37:06and he reckoned that Freddy
37:07he had a son by that woman
37:12it's just a rumour Del
37:13I take no notice of rumours
37:15no no no
37:15but I mean if it was true
37:16that boy would be in his mid-twenties by now
37:19wouldn't he?
37:22still the thing is
37:23he don't know who his dad was
37:25so he can't make a claim on the fortune
37:27can he?
37:29look at this Rod
37:31oh there you are
37:31look at this Rodney
37:32here we are millionaires
37:34and we're getting fretting letters from the milkman
37:38he's Freddy the Frog
37:40did he have any hobbies or pastimes?
37:42did he have any hobbies or pastimes?
37:45we're looking for his gold
37:46not his rugged tennis racket
37:48no no I just thought you know
37:49the more you find out about him
37:51the more you know how his mind works
37:53all right yes
37:54good thinking Rodney
37:56all right well
37:57he was a bit of a
37:58artist or something
37:58wasn't he Albert?
38:00yeah a good artist
38:01yeah
38:01they reckon that
38:03if he hadn't have been a tea leaf
38:04he could have made a very good forger
38:07well that's got us a lot closer
38:08anyway
38:10problem solved
38:10that's it
38:11I think I'm going to go to bed
38:13say goodnight to you two
38:14goodnight
38:15night
38:19Albert
38:21they're rumours Rodney
38:22yes all
38:25rumours
38:27goodnight son
38:34Rodney
38:35don't forget
38:36you've got to be down a moor
38:37by half nine
38:40all right come on
38:41we'll just finish this
38:42and we'll pop down a market
38:43and do a bit with the massagers
38:44and this time
38:45when I've finished operating on you
38:47no tap dancing
38:48just straighten up slowly
38:50like it's a miracle
38:51down
38:52got it
38:53what's all that about?
38:54don't know
38:54looks like peace in our time
38:56what do you know about?
38:58what's that?
38:59this morning
38:59Mr. Jahan asked me to transfer
39:01all his old paper files
39:02onto computer
39:03on my computer?
39:04yeah
39:04now have a read of that
39:05no no it's a summons
39:06it's a summons isn't it?
39:09it's one of Mr. Jahan's
39:10order forms
39:11from July
39:121963
39:13now look
39:14who ordered one coffin
39:15to be specially made
39:17one
39:17Frederick
39:18Robdell
39:19but
39:20it was ordered
39:21five weeks before
39:22he did the robbery
39:23six weeks before
39:24he blew himself up
39:25well don't you see
39:26what it means?
39:26he had a premonition
39:35no no wait a minute
39:36wait a minute
39:36look look
39:37this casket here
39:38was ordered by
39:39Mr. Frederick Robdell
39:40right he paid for it
39:41but it was made for
39:42a Mr. Alfred Broderick
39:44who's Alfred Broderick?
39:46no
39:47look at the two names
39:48closely
39:49it's an anagram
39:52yeah yeah I can see that
39:55but who was he?
39:58no
39:59oh bloody hell
40:01look
40:02if you transpose
40:03all the letters
40:04you mix up
40:05you mix up
40:06all the letters
40:07from Frederick Robdell
40:08right
40:08it becomes
40:09Alfred Broderick
40:10in other words
40:11Broderick never existed
40:13he's just one of
40:13Freddie's aliases
40:14he's right and all
40:17so what you
40:18what you're saying is
40:19that
40:20he put
40:21the bullion
40:22into the coffin
40:24and then got the
40:25co-op to hide it for him
40:26or in this case
40:27Mr. Jahan
40:27that's right
40:28it was all legal
40:29above board
40:30it was most probably
40:30paraded through them streets
40:32I bet he even got
40:33the old bill to hold up
40:33the traffic for it
40:35and then it was buried
40:37with all the usual honours
40:38all Freddie had to do
40:39was bide his time
40:40and then come back for it
40:41you two seem to be
40:42forgetting something
40:43this isn't the family pet
40:44you're talking about
40:45if what you're suggesting
40:47is right
40:47he'd have needed
40:48permission from the authorities
40:49he'd have needed
40:50official documentation
40:51and lots and lots of it
40:53so where's he get all that
40:57he always has to spoil things
41:01wait a minute
41:02wait a minute
41:04I think I've cracked it
41:06he said
41:07way back in the early 60s
41:08when you was just a nipper
41:09mum got herself a job
41:10down a town hall
41:11as a secretary
41:13a secretary
41:14yeah yes
41:15one of her duties
41:16was hoovering out
41:17the registrar's department
41:18right
41:20she knew what he meant
41:21that she could get her hands
41:22on all the documents
41:23that he needed
41:23and mark them
41:24with the official stamp
41:26oh dear
41:26coosie
41:28what are you doing here
41:29I thought you were
41:30supposed to be helping me
41:31with the embalming
41:32yeah
41:32sorry Mr. Jan
41:33I took an early lunch
41:34it's alright Mr. Gehan
41:35no
41:35gee please
41:36just come and sit down
41:36for a minute
41:37will you
41:37cause er
41:38just like to have
41:39a little chat with you
41:39look
41:40Rodney found this
41:41in your files
41:43this is confidential material
41:45I know
41:45it just shows you
41:46how keen he is though
41:47he's bringing his homework
41:48to lunch with him
41:48listen
41:49do you remember
41:50do you remember this man
41:51Mr. Frederick Robdell
41:53yes
41:53I remember him very well
41:55most charming man
41:56see my father
41:57had just bought the business
41:58and Mr. Robdell
41:59was one of our first clients
42:01the other reason
42:02it sticks out in my mind
42:03is because Mr. Robdell
42:05ordered an extra large
42:06casket to be made
42:08hmm
42:08ah
42:09and er
42:10I expect his mate
42:11Mr. Broderick
42:13was an extra large chap
42:14was he
42:15I wouldn't know
42:16we didn't handle the funeral
42:18what
42:21we simply supplied the casket
42:22Mr. Robdell came
42:23and collected in a van
42:24one night
42:25you mean it was a take away
42:28Mr. Robdell told us
42:29it was to be
42:30a very private affair
42:31we didn't question
42:32his decision
42:33we didn't want to intrude
42:34upon his grief
42:35and we needed the business
42:36wait a minute
42:37wait a minute
42:38does that mean
42:39that you don't know
42:40where it's buried
42:41as I said
42:41I don't know
42:42it was a private affair
42:43I must go now
42:44Robdell how long will you be
42:45back soon Mr. James
42:47we have a lot of work
42:47to be done
42:47yeah
42:51well that's the end of that
42:52you'll find it
42:53huh son
42:54yes we will
42:54Del
42:55the gold has been missing
42:56for 24 years
42:58and the last thing
42:59anyone saw of Freddy the Frog
43:00was on a radar screen
43:01so what chance have we got
43:05listen to me
43:07he would have buried it
43:08somewhere local
43:09he would have stuck
43:10to an area
43:10that he knew well
43:12so listen
43:12this is what we're gonna do
43:14I'm gonna go down
43:14and see the flower man
43:15down the market
43:16and get us a codgel of tulips
43:17on sale or return
43:19then you're gonna go
43:19and visit every graveyard
43:20and cemetery in the district
43:22and you're gonna read
43:23every name on every headstone
43:24and when you leave
43:25you leave a flower
43:26as if you're one of the relatives
43:27but it's fast and job
43:28well alright
43:29if anyone asks you
43:30so you come from a big family
43:32well Lee
43:33I want you to do the same
43:34in your travels
43:35a bit like a busman's holiday
43:36for you
43:36isn't it
43:37in the meantime
43:39I'm gonna check the records
43:40down at town halls
43:41stonemasons
43:42churches
43:42that sort of thing
43:43don't worry brother
43:44don't worry
43:45we'll find it
43:46we will
43:46we'll find it
43:47Del
43:47I don't want to be the prophet
43:49of doom or nothing
43:50but I do get the feeling
43:51we are wasting our time
43:52that is time that could be spent
43:54more productively
43:54in earning some money
43:56and paying some bills
43:57we owe two months rent
43:58we are drinking tea
43:59with no milk in it
44:00and the electricity ball
44:01keep calling round
44:02to see why their meter
44:03is running backwards
44:05there's food in the cupboard
44:06isn't there
44:06yeah
44:07thanks to my peach
44:08and Rodney's wages
44:09it wouldn't be a bad idea
44:11for you to drive down to Hampshire
44:12and pick up that computer money
44:14off the vicar
44:15oh leave it out
44:16that gold must be here
44:18hidden somewhere
44:19I mean
44:19it can't have disappeared
44:20this is Peckham
44:21not the Bermuda Triangle
44:23and as for me
44:25going all the way down to Hampshire
44:26to pick up a peddling
44:27120 quid
44:28that's like admitting defeat
44:29a sign that I'd given up
44:31all hope of ever finding
44:32my birthright
44:34and that is not my style
44:37when Del Trotter says
44:38he's going to do something
44:40Del Trotter does it
44:44you see what I mean
44:45Mr Trotter
44:46I've tried everything
44:47and it simply refuses to work
44:51has it received a whack
44:52of any kind
44:53oh no I can assure you
44:56there you go
44:58do it need it
44:59yes
45:00of course I'm not
45:01technically minded
45:02like you Mr Trotter
45:02now well
45:03somebody's high tech advancements
45:04they need a bit of encouragement
45:06well if you'll just give me my money
45:07I'll bid you a fond farewell
45:08I'm afraid I shan't be needing
45:09the computer Mr Trotter
45:12what
45:12as I said to you at the wedding
45:13I couldn't honestly see
45:15what part a computer could play
45:16in the daily running
45:17of a small parish such as this
45:19and my words have been borne out
45:20yes I know
45:21but if it had been working properly
45:23you hadn't seen the benefits
45:24I'm terribly sorry Mr Trotter
45:26and I'm awfully grateful to you
45:27for giving me it
45:28for two weeks on approval
45:29but I simply have no need of it
45:32well
45:34oh I can't take it back now
45:36it's been used
45:39I know but you've taken it
45:40out of the protective wrapping
45:42and look at that there
45:43look
45:43look it's had a whack there
45:44look there
45:46but you just did that
45:47yes I know that
45:49but I'm not a technician
45:50am I
45:50I'm merely a salesman
45:51that's all
45:52I mean what am I going to
45:53tell my governor eh
45:54I'm going to have to go up
45:55and I'm going to have to
45:55tell him one or two things
45:56I'm going to have to say to him
45:57you know that you took it
45:58out of the protective wrapping
45:59you messed about with it
46:00you let an unqualified
46:01wally repair it
46:02and now you want to elbow it
46:03no no I'm sorry
46:05no I mean look
46:06that machine was in perfect condition
46:08when I loaned it to you
46:09look at it now
46:09I mean look at it
46:10well it's second hand
46:11isn't it
46:11Mr Trotter
46:13as you are a man of the cloth
46:14and seeing that you're the one
46:16who gnaws it up
46:17I'll tell you what I'm going to do
46:18I'm going to let you have that
46:19for the second hand price
46:20so you give me 100 notes
46:22and we'll say no more
46:23all right
46:23I don't want the computer
46:25but this computer is the top of the range
46:26this is the silver cloud of computers
46:28I mean to say
46:29there are thousands of people
46:30pouring out of London
46:31into the new housing estates
46:33in your parish
46:33your flock is increasing
46:35I mean you're going to need
46:36one of these
46:36to keep a check on them all
46:37aren't you
46:37I only wish that were true
46:39unfortunately few people
46:40seem to require the services
46:41of a church such as this
46:43it seems a pity to me
46:44that there aren't more people
46:46like our beautiful friend
46:47Mr Robdell
46:50what?
46:51I do apologise
46:52I couldn't help overhearing
46:54you and Mrs Turpin
46:55discussing Mr Robdell
46:56at the wedding
46:57you mean to say
46:58that you knew
46:58Freddy the Frog
46:59I'm sorry
47:00I mean you knew
47:01you knew
47:02Frederick Robdell
47:03many years ago
47:04when I came to
47:05St. Mary's first
47:06he had a holiday home
47:07a few miles from here
47:08he always used to look in
47:10if he was down this way
47:10a charming
47:12and very generous man
47:13he donated
47:14the stained glass windows
47:15in fact he loved
47:16this church so much
47:17his parents are buried here
47:18oh that's nice
47:20and did you ever meet
47:21his friend
47:21Mr Broderick
47:23Alfred Broderick
47:24that's him
47:24well yes
47:25not to say meet
47:26in the conventional sense
47:28I had the sad duty
47:29of laying the poor man
47:30to rest
47:30he must have been
47:31rather a large man
47:32it took eight of us
47:33to carry him from the hearse
47:36yeah well he was
47:36an anagram
47:40could you tell me
47:40where you buried it
47:41buried him
47:42I'd like to play
47:43my last respects
47:43oh yes
47:44it'll be here
47:44in the records
47:46he must have been
47:47very close to Mr. Robdell
47:49I've never forgotten
47:50the way that
47:50he kept patting the coffin
47:52and contained his grief
47:55behind a smile
47:56yeah well
47:56we were all a bit choked
47:57you know
47:57oh yes here we are
47:58here we are
48:00now about the computer
48:02hmm
48:03don't worry about that
48:04give it to the jumble sale
48:04it's only a load of rubbish
48:05anyway
48:08what do you put in that thing
48:10it's me own recipe
48:11Dutch tobacco
48:13navy shag
48:14and a spoonful of rum
48:15to keep it moist
48:19smell the salt Rodney
48:21well you put condiments
48:22in it as well
48:23I'm talking about
48:25the ozone in me air
48:26it takes me back
48:29yeah funny how a smell
48:31can start the mind turning
48:32yeah
48:34not to mention a stomach
48:41rodney
48:41I know where it's buried
48:49what
48:51you mean
48:52here
48:54here
48:55come on
48:56Albert bring that shovel
49:03now you cannot go
49:04digging up a grave
49:05in broad daylight
49:06I mean
49:07I know there's nothing
49:07actually in it
49:08except for gold bullion
49:09but if anyone saw us
49:10doing it
49:11they might not understand
49:12come on over here
49:14come on over here
49:21this is it
49:22this is where he buried it
49:23well
49:26there
49:29a burial at sea
49:32why
49:33how did he ever hope to get the gold back
49:37because there were one or two things that our dear uncle forgot to inform us of Rodney
49:41like he told us that he met freddie the frog riot
49:43but he didn't say where and how
49:45I met him when he was doing his national service in the navy
49:48yes he was a sailor
49:50he also omitted to tell us how he got the nickname of freddie the frog
49:54now we assumed it was because of his love of all things french
49:57no it was because he was a frogman
49:59yes it was because he was a frogman
50:02I know that now
50:03I just got the full sp off the vicar
50:05why didn't you tell us
50:07well you know me
50:09I never talk about my days at sea
50:12we knew that freddie had a shalley down here at the coast
50:16if we had also known he was an ex-sailor and a deep sea diver
50:20we may have been able to put two and two together
50:22yes
50:23and you might have saved us a fortnight of creeping round every cemetery and churchyard in south london
50:27well if you knew he was buried at sea
50:29why did you ask me to bring this shovel
50:32so I could whack you on the bloody head with it
50:36oh well
50:38well he gives me the hump wouldn't he
50:40gives me the right steaming hump
50:46it was beautiful
50:48it was really beautiful
50:50he got all the authentic paperwork
50:52a pucker ceremony
50:54kosher vicar
50:55even got two off-duty policemen
50:57to help him carry the coffin to the boat
51:00all he had to do was wait for the dust to settle
51:02then come back with the frogman gear
51:04dive down and get it
51:06he must have known these waters well
51:08probably been diving them for years
51:11it's out there Rodney
51:13it's out there
51:15our legacy
51:17nothing you can do about it now Del
51:20I'm not leaving it there
51:23the sea shall not have it
51:26I shall bring it to the surface
51:29we can do it
51:32I have faith in you Rodney
51:34how do you explain
51:35me?
51:36what do you mean you've got faith in me?
51:38listen listen
51:38I'm going to get you all the flippers
51:39you know the goggles
51:40you're the only one in the family
51:42who can swim
51:42all I ever got was a 50 yard certificate
51:44at school
51:45well you only need to swim 50 yards
51:47down
51:49on your bike
51:51where are you going to start searching?
51:53you're looking at 500 square miles of ocean
51:56it took them 70 years to find the Titanic
51:59so what chance we got with an outsized coffin?
52:03gotta do something
52:06he who bears wins
52:09it's a million quids worth of gold out there Rodney
52:13our gold
52:15we can't just say bonjour to it
52:24do I look like him?
52:26it was just a rumour son
52:28do I look like him?
52:32a bit
52:34I always felt as if I was a bit different
52:36from the rest of the family
52:37a bit of a cuckoo
52:39just a rumour
52:43Freddy the Frog
52:45killed himself by sitting on someone else's detonator
52:51what a plonker
53:08come on
53:09let's talk about it over a pint
53:11aye
53:14yeah I expect you're right bruv
53:18but in the words of General MacArthur
53:21I will be back soon
53:26I'm not leaving our birthright down there in Davy Smith's locker
53:29no way
53:30I can't tell you Rodders
53:33this time next year
53:35we will be millionaires
53:37and then I'll look like that