- 13 hours ago
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00:03That's the way, Rodney. Don't bother helping me get the tea ready.
00:07Just carry on poncing about with that computer.
00:10I'm not poncing about with anything.
00:13In case it slipped that senile shrapnel-cluttered brain of yours,
00:16I happen to be studying for a computer diploma course.
00:20Oh, I ain't forgotten, son. I remember you enrolling on a three-month course two years ago.
00:25It happens to be an extremely difficult exam.
00:28Well, you should know. You've failed it often enough.
00:31I have not failed.
00:34Well, in a popular sense of the word.
00:36It's just all the other students have an advantage over me.
00:39Yeah, they all pass.
00:42I mean, they are sent to the evening college by their companies.
00:46All day long, they are working with computers, knocking out data and programs, isn't they?
00:51Whereas all day long, I am working with a suitcase, knocking out disposable lighters and Turkish raincoats.
00:57But even if you get your diploma, what difference will that make to Trotters Independent Traders?
01:02I'm not doing it for Trotters Independent Traders. I'm doing it for me.
01:06This diploma could be my passport to freedom, a decent job, a future.
01:12I mean, I can't go on for the rest of my life messing about with this sort of junk, can
01:15I?
01:16Do you know what he wants me to do?
01:17He wants me to stand in a market flogging raincoats with dry clean only on the label.
01:23Puts the punters right off.
01:25The way Dale was telling the other day, the future's never looked more promising.
01:29Oh, well, but that's all talk, innit?
01:31Haven't you seen the change in him? He's gone all high-powered and trendy, hasn't he?
01:35I mean, he saw that film Wall Street about six bloody times, didn't he?
01:40There's a character in that, right, called Gordon Gekko.
01:43Now, he's a real tough, high-flying whiz kid, right?
01:45And Dale wants to be just like him.
01:47He doesn't seem to realise that Gordon Gekko had brains.
01:52Dale thinks all you need is a filofax and a pair of red braces and you're a chairman of the
01:56boards.
01:57Still, I will say one thing for him.
01:59He has been very encouraging with this evening college course.
02:01Yeah? How?
02:03Well, he's...
02:05Well, he gives me a lift there every week.
02:12That's the way, Rodney.
02:13Rodney, don't bother about stocking up the van for the morning.
02:15You just sit there poncing about with that computer.
02:18Eric, it is my college evening and I'm trying to finish my homework.
02:22Oh, yeah?
02:23Oh, yeah.
02:24Ah, no, that's good.
02:25That's very good, that, Rodney.
02:27Yeah, you'll probably get a star for that.
02:29I don't know why you bother, honestly.
02:31You've always been the same, even when you was at school.
02:33Nothing but books, learning, education.
02:35That's why you're no good at snooker.
02:38Can't you a bit of grub, Dale?
02:39No, no, thanks, Albert.
02:41Food is for wince.
02:42I've got my correspondence to catch up with.
02:44Tough at the top, aren't you, Dale?
02:46Yeah, don't worry.
02:47We're going to get to the top one day.
02:48Don't worry.
02:48This time next year, we will be millionaires.
02:53Ah-ha-ha-ha.
02:57See, we're moving already.
02:59This is from the council.
03:00They've received my application to buy this flat
03:02and they've given it consideration.
03:04This flat?
03:05Why?
03:06Well, we've been living in it since 1962.
03:08You were born in it.
03:10He was banned from it.
03:12I mean, we're all living in it.
03:14You know, the whole family.
03:15There's mum and grandad and, you know, everyone.
03:20This place holds many warm memories for me.
03:23But why do you want to buy it?
03:25So we can sell it.
03:27Sell it?
03:28What for?
03:29Bloody good profit with a bit of luck.
03:32Exactly.
03:33Exactly.
03:33You see, Rodney,
03:34Peckham here is becoming a very trendy area.
03:36I mean, it's full of wine bars and bistros.
03:38You know, property prices are booming.
03:40So if we can flog this place to some, you know,
03:42chinless wonder for some vastly inordinate sum,
03:45well, that means that we can get a nice little drum
03:47out there in a suburb.
03:49Yeah, well, council properties were built
03:50so the poorer classes would have somewhere to live.
03:53If they start selling them to Hooray Henrys,
03:55where are they going to go?
03:58Isha, Orpington, somewhere like that.
04:00But they can't afford to buy houses.
04:03They can when they sold their flats.
04:05Yeah, of course they can.
04:06It's money for old rope.
04:07Lovely jubbly.
04:08It is immoral.
04:09Oh, shut up, you tarts.
04:13All right.
04:14Think of it from our business point of view, eh?
04:16I mean, this flat is in a wonderful position, isn't it?
04:18I mean, it's 15 minutes from the West End.
04:20It's 15 minutes from the motorway.
04:22And 15 minutes from the Grand.
04:27You're right, Rodney.
04:28You're right.
04:28Never thought of that.
04:29That's a very good selling point.
04:31I'm going to make a note of that.
04:32That could whack on a few grand, Albert.
04:34Yeah, don't worry.
04:35We'll make a nice little bit of bunce out of this old drum.
04:38You have got no right to sell this flat over my head.
04:41Oi, do you mind?
04:42Listen, I've been living here for 27 years.
04:44That gives me the right to decide its future.
04:46And I was born here.
04:47That gives me more right than anybody.
04:49You might have been born here, but there was the one who pays the rent of yours.
04:52Yeah, that's right.
04:54And you take just how much I've paid in rent over the years.
04:57I must have bought this place at least four or five times over.
05:00And yet not one breeze block belongs to me.
05:03To us.
05:04But all that is going to change.
05:06You're just a snob.
05:07That's who you are.
05:08I am not a snob, Rodney.
05:09I am a realist.
05:11I mean, I've grafted for years.
05:13I have to try to get us a nice little place out there in the open air.
05:15And look at us.
05:16We're still here in this council-built Lego set.
05:19I mean, I used to watch you when you was a kid, you know.
05:22Breathing in all the fumes from the motorway.
05:24You must have more lead inside you than a butcher's pencil.
05:27I used to think, God, what is it doing to his little brain?
05:30Too late now, son.
05:32Yeah, you see, that's right.
05:34I'm a fully...
05:34What do you mean it's too late now?
05:37I mean you're a full-grown man.
05:39Yeah, that's what I was going to say.
05:41Anyway, you've only been paying the rent here since Mum died.
05:44Oh, leave it out, Rodney.
05:46I've been paying the rent here ever since I was old enough to hop the wag.
05:49I was the only one in this family who ever earned any money.
05:52I mean, you just take it.
05:53I mean, there was Mum, bless her, you know.
05:55I mean, she tried, but her elf let her down.
05:58And there was Dad.
05:58He would have loved a job, except he suffered from this sticky mattress.
06:03And there was dear old Grandad, bless him.
06:05He was about as useful as a pair of sunglasses on a bloke with one ear.
06:11All the things that we've ever got out of life has come from my intelligence and my foresight.
06:15Well, I'm glad somebody's owned up.
06:21I don't know what you're moaning about.
06:22Life's been a walkover for you.
06:24You've never had to graft for it when you was a kid.
06:26Because I saw to it that you didn't have to.
06:28When I was 11 years old, Rodney, Dad got me two, count them, two paper rounds.
06:33That was me, come rain, sleet or shine.
06:35There was Del Boy every morning, 35 daily sketches, 40 heralds and a spick and span for the weirdo in
06:40Marley Road.
06:43And when I delivered them, I went to another shop and started my second round.
06:47Dad always said he'd get me a bike.
06:50Oi, I used to work when I was a kid as well.
06:52When?
06:53When I was 11.
06:55When they were introducing North Sea Gas to the area.
06:58And you got hold of that consignment of do-it-yourself gas conversion kits.
07:02You remember that Sunday you sent me down the Mountbatten estate with a barrel load of them?
07:07All day long I was down here knocking on doors.
07:09I missed me Sunday dinner and everything.
07:12And not one of the gits down there had the decency to tell me that the Mountbatten estate was all
07:15electric.
07:21No, I seem to remember you coming back and telling me about that, yeah.
07:24They just kept laughing at me.
07:26I thought it was that stupid flower power shirt he used to make me wear.
07:30It was a very beautiful shirt, that, Rodney.
07:32That was horrible.
07:34It was pink with little red poppies all over it.
07:37It was very fashionable, once.
07:39But, Derek, at the time I happened to be covered in chicken pox.
07:43From a distance I looked like I was stripped to the waist.
07:48To this day I will never know what possessed you to send me to that estate.
07:52I mean, you had mates living there.
07:53You must have known it was all electric.
07:56All right, I don't know.
07:57I mean, it was a long time ago I've forgotten about.
07:58All right, so you grafted as well.
08:01He fought and died for his country.
08:03Many times.
08:06Which gives us the right to make a bit of profit out of this flat.
08:08Yeah, well, I want to stay in this flat.
08:11You can buy it off.
08:12Tell them.
08:16What's the trouble with you, Rodney?
08:18You don't move with the times.
08:19The world is changing out there.
08:21It's a financial jungle.
08:22It's a question of he who dares wins.
08:24He who hesitates, don't.
08:28It's called the survival of the fittest.
08:30No, Unc.
08:30It's called pull the ladder up, Jack, and sod the rest.
08:34There are times when you have to look after yourself, Rodney.
08:37I remember once when I was in the South Pacific.
08:39Oi, don't you dare give me another nautical nightmare.
08:43I've already been through the Adriatic with him once this afternoon.
08:47It's like the adventures of a Dover soul.
08:54All right, Rodney, look, we won't move far away.
08:57There are lots of nice places around this area.
09:00We'll buy a house that befits people like us.
09:03What do you mean, people like us?
09:05Well, yuppies.
09:08I am not a yuppie.
09:10No, no, no, but given time and a little help from me,
09:15and...
09:18Is he supposed to do that?
09:28What are you stopping for?
09:31Cop a load of this, bruv.
09:33I mean, this is what you call living.
09:41You know, I bet this guy...
09:42I bet it's got a guest suite, swimming pool, a jacuzzi.
09:47What have we got?
09:47I'll put you up a damp patch and a jacuzzi.
09:51What do you reckon this sort of place goes for, Nick?
09:53I don't know.
09:54Three quarters of a million, maybe more.
09:56We'll be in one of these one day, bruv.
09:58Oh, yeah.
10:00What you got lined up?
10:01A decorating job?
10:04No.
10:04Listen to me.
10:05We just need a half-decent break, and...
10:07we'll be millionaires.
10:09Del, I wouldn't live in this road if you paid me.
10:12It's punsy.
10:13It's immoral.
10:14Moral?
10:15What are you going on about, you dipstick?
10:16Look, you've got something like 18 acres of land here, with about 12 families living on it.
10:21Yeah, all these sort of people, they need a bit of space around them, don't they?
10:24I mean, down here, you've got stockbrokers, private doctors, Porsches.
10:30I mean, these are the creme de la mante for that community.
10:32You could house thousands of people on this land.
10:36What, more tower blocks?
10:38Of course, if it was left up to you, the only growth industry would be lift repairing.
10:43If you don't go to these evening classes, you come back talking like Ken Livingstone and
10:47Arthur Scargill.
10:48Watch it, you'll end up with a funny haircut.
10:51Are you going to drive me to the adult education centre, or are we going to stand here all night
10:55admiring a privet?
10:58Are you sure the door's closed, Rodney?
11:08Look, Rodney, I want to be successful, but not for the money.
11:12I want the power and the influence that success brings.
11:15And what will you do with all this power and influence?
11:18Spend it.
11:40Go on.
11:41Hurry up, Rodney.
11:43You'll be calling the register in a minute.
11:45Hey, hey, hey.
11:46Mind the road.
11:47Remember what the Green Cross Cove man said?
11:51You were getting on my bloody nerves.
11:55Rodney.
11:56Rodney.
11:57Just remember, if the big boys gang up on you again at playtime, you tell the teacher.
12:02What have you got?
12:12And don't lose your dinner money.
12:30Now, that is a bit of me.
12:39Oh, God.
12:46I got this lover to come along
12:48Well, I could do it a life along
12:50I'm on a loop of the book
12:52I'm going to meet you
12:53Like I am watching
12:54How'd you eat?
12:55All the things
12:56You don't know what you're doing
12:57But I'm going to get in the store
12:57I'm going to get in the store
12:59I'm going to get in the store
13:00I'm going to get to my정
13:02You're with me clothes
13:03I need to go
13:04I need to go
13:06And when I get o' tall
13:08I can't get in the car
13:14It's good to unwind, Nick.
13:16Sorry.
13:17After a hard day in the city, it's good to unwind.
13:20I imagine it must be very tiring.
13:22Tiring?
13:23Tired, yeah, I'm cream-crackered and that's no lie.
13:26Well, I've been up since six o'clock this morning trying to talk to a bloke in New York.
13:29Why didn't you use a telephone?
13:32No, I've got a telephone and all that, eh?
13:34No, I mean, it's just a long and stressful day, you know, wheeling and dealing in the old commodities market.
13:38It ain't all champagne and skittles.
13:40Oh, no, buying, selling, you know, making billion-pound decisions.
13:45It's a git of a drive home and all.
13:48What exactly do you buy and sell in the commodities market?
13:51Oh, you know, this and that, whatever's going, you know.
13:53Iron ore, sugar beet.
13:55I made a killing today on olive oil.
13:57Lord knows what Popeye will say when he gets home.
14:01Can I get you anything?
14:03Yes, sir, please, sir, John.
14:05Bottle of Beaujolais Nouveau.
14:07Yes, sir.
14:08Ahem.
14:09Ahem.
14:10A 79.
14:15Oh, Popeye, you got it, have you?
14:16Have you got one, haven't you?
14:33Oh, bloody hell.
14:36You're not supposed to do all this.
14:40Hello.
14:42Oh.
14:44Hi.
14:45Sorry to interrupt you.
14:46Oh, well, that's all right.
14:48It's just some computer data I've got to put into a programme.
14:50It's very complicated.
14:51Well, yeah, it does look difficult, but it's no problem.
14:57My name's Rodney.
14:58Oh, Cassandra.
15:00Oh, Cassandra.
15:01Oh, Cassandra.
15:01That's a lovely name.
15:03I just wanted to say...
15:04I'm glad we bumped into each other, because I was trying to find a way of saying hello to you,
15:07and I think it's really, you know, sort of liberated of you to make the first move.
15:11Move?
15:12No, you don't understand.
15:14You've taken my coat.
15:19I'm so sorry.
15:20It's okay.
15:21They're very similar.
15:22It's an easy mistake to make.
15:23This one's yours.
15:24Well, how do you know it's mine?
15:26It's got your name written in it.
15:35Look, I didn't write this.
15:36It's most probably my brother, you know, his idea of a joke.
15:40Well, whatever.
15:41We've sorted it out now.
15:43Yeah.
15:45Well, nice meeting you.
15:47Oh, yeah, and you.
16:05Cassandra?
16:08I was wondering whether you had time for a quick drink.
16:10Oh, I'm sorry.
16:11I'm going out with a friend tonight.
16:12Oh, well, never mind.
16:14Can I walk you to your car?
16:16Oh, thank you.
16:18Pleasure.
16:21Here we are.
16:24I thought it was.
16:27Thank you for getting me here safely.
16:29Speak nothing of it.
16:32It's a nice car.
16:33It's my father's.
16:35Do you live round there?
16:36Blackheath.
16:37How about you?
16:38Ah, Peckham.
16:41Where are you parked?
16:42Oh, no, I lent my car to my brother.
16:44Well, I wish I hadn't now, after what he wrote in my coat,
16:46the little...
16:47arsehole.
16:48No, I'll get a bus down the Terminus.
16:50I'm going past the Terminus, if you'd like a lift.
16:52Oh, thank you.
16:56Rodney.
17:00Rodney.
17:01I think someone's calling you.
17:03Really?
17:04Over here.
17:06Hung about for you.
17:07Give your lift on.
17:09Oh, yeah, that's...
17:11someone I know.
17:14Well,
17:16thanks for the offer, anyway.
17:18Okay.
17:19Bye.
17:20Yeah.
17:21Bye.
17:25Who's the tart?
17:30What's up, Gabe?
17:32This ain't all I do.
17:33Tartart!
17:37What's the matter with you?
17:40He fit out.
17:42What's the matter?
17:42Has he given you lines or something?
17:44Why did you write my name inside that rampart?
17:46Well, because Mum said to me on her deathbed...
17:49Why did you write it, you kids?
17:50Right, all right.
17:52She said to me,
17:53make sure you'll always write Rodney's name in his clothes,
17:55that way no one will nick him.
17:56And I was just giving me promise.
17:58I was so embarrassed.
18:00Yeah, but no one nicked your coat, did they?
18:03Oh, come on.
18:04Come on, honey, it was only a joke, you touchy-tod.
18:07Come on, come on, have a drink, come on.
18:08Over here, look.
18:08I've got some wine and some of that funny water.
18:11Right.
18:12I never thought I'd like a spitzer, you know,
18:15but I've got right into it now.
18:17There you are, you try that.
18:18Good stuff.
18:19Cheers, Rod.
18:20What are you still doing here?
18:22Ah, well, when I dropped you,
18:24I followed these two yuppie sorts.
18:26You know, told them a few jokes,
18:27flashed me file of facts,
18:28knocked them bandy.
18:30Where are they?
18:31They went to the ladies a couple of hours ago
18:32and ain't come back yet.
18:35Still, never mind, never mind.
18:36Plenty more in the sea,
18:37plenty more where they came from, ain't they?
18:39Hey, so we're...
18:40Oh, hey, that's an idea.
18:42Why don't we pull ourselves a couple of sorts
18:43and go on to a club, like, you know what I mean?
18:45No, not mate, it all.
18:48Oh, come on, you're not going home already, are you?
18:49No, not with Albert there.
18:51Last thing I need right now
18:52is another battle at a Baltic.
18:54Look, stick them in a band for me, would you?
18:56I'll see you.
18:56Yeah, yeah, all right, bruv.
18:57Yeah, I will, yeah.
19:01Excuse me.
19:02Are you eating?
19:03No, I'm nibbling it.
19:06Oh, no, no, no, no.
19:08Our bistro's just opened.
19:09I was wondering if you'd like a table for dinner.
19:10Oh, dinner, no thanks, no thanks, John.
19:12Dinner is for whims.
19:13You know what I mean?
19:18And tonight's lucky winner is...
19:20the chick sitting at the corner table.
19:23Now, you've got no chance with her, Jevin.
19:25I've seen five blokes ask her for a dance
19:27and she gave them all a blank.
19:28No, five ordinary mortals.
19:29She hasn't met me yet.
19:31Just listen to me.
19:32Well, you carry on, Jevin.
19:34Me and Mickey will prepare the altar.
19:36I'll wait to you as I leave.
19:37Yeah, don't forget it, will you?
19:40Jevin, he does a business, though,
19:41doesn't he, Rodney, eh?
19:42Still, I'll talk to him everything he knows.
19:45I'll talk to you now.
19:46Last time you went out with a bird,
19:48you took her to a Bay City Rollers concert.
19:52What's the matter with you, anyway?
19:53You've got a foil or a pimple or something?
19:55Yeah, sort of.
19:57It's called Del Boy.
19:58Oh, yeah, yeah.
19:59He's getting a bit noncy, isn't he, lately?
20:01I see him walking down the Y Street the other day
20:03with his filer packs all up in front of him.
20:05You know, a lot of people thought it was a protest march.
20:08Yeah, well, he only uses it for business, don't he?
20:10And what about that green coat of his, eh?
20:12Looks a right poultice, doesn't it?
20:14Well, personally, I think he looks very smart.
20:16Leave it out, Rodney.
20:17He looks like the Incredible Hulk's little boy.
20:20I'll tell him next time I see him.
20:22I'm sure he'll find a way of showing his gratitude.
20:24You don't have to tell him, do you?
20:26It's only a joke, isn't it?
20:29I don't believe it.
20:31Looks like Jevon has fallen on Stoney Graham.
20:50She's a lesbian.
20:52She probably likes a direct approach
20:54instead of all that old fanny you've given.
20:56Watch the master and learn.
21:00The thing is, I never know whether to believe him.
21:03He always struck me as a pretty straightforward type.
21:05You don't know him like I do.
21:07Do you want to dodge?
21:07No.
21:08Right.
21:12She's definitely a lesbian.
21:15Oh, don't be stupid, Nicky.
21:17They're all busy down a town hall.
21:21She danced with me.
21:25That's what we like about you, Rodney.
21:27We're always guaranteed a laugh.
21:29Look, I'm a first down and let them all chat in,
21:32and this is God's foster son.
21:33So what chance has a whale like you got?
21:37I bet you she'll dance with me.
21:38Oh, you bet, do you?
21:40Right, tell us if she don't.
21:41I'll have some of that.
21:43That's a score.
21:44Cover the bet, Rodney.
21:46All right, I will.
21:51Before you ask her to dance,
21:52why don't you see if she'll lend you a fiver?
21:55Right, one score.
21:57You don't come to a disco expecting to make a profit, do you?
22:01That's very true, Michael.
22:03I'll see you too later.
22:06He said he had a holiday home near Marbella.
22:08Turned out to be a caravan on the Isle of Sheppard.
22:10Well, didn't you say something?
22:12Yes.
22:12He said distance was relative.
22:14Well, I suppose you've got a point.
22:16I mean, compared to somewhere like Melbourne,
22:18the Isle of Sheppard is near my man.
22:21Hi.
22:22Hello.
22:22Again.
22:53Hey, Trigg.
22:54Trigg, huh?
22:55Trigg, over here.
22:56Trigg, old boy.
22:57No, yeah.
22:58What's you doing here?
22:59Well, I'm always here.
23:00I'm a regular here now.
23:01Here, John, get my mate a pint of lager, will you?
23:04I'm afraid we don't soup beers, sir.
23:06Ah?
23:07Oh, yeah, no, that's right.
23:08Yeah, I remember now, yeah.
23:09Yeah, there was no call for it, so they knocked it on the head.
23:12Do you fancy a spit, sir?
23:13Uh, yeah, I'll give it a try.
23:15Yeah.
23:15Anyway, what are you doing down here, Trigg?
23:17I thought you'd be in the old next head.
23:18Yeah, I was.
23:19But Mike's just barred me.
23:21Barred you?
23:21What for?
23:22He accused me of stealing one of his pork pies.
23:25Oh, I want his rotten pork pies for.
23:27I don't even like pork pies.
23:29Oh, he's getting right out of order, that bloke.
23:32He really is.
23:32I'm thinking of suing him for def...
23:36definite...
23:38Slander?
23:38Yeah.
23:41I wouldn't worry about it, Trigg.
23:42I wouldn't worry.
23:42He's done you a favour, actually.
23:44No, he really has.
23:44I mean, you look round here.
23:46This place is full of yuppie sorts.
23:49Yeah, we can't go wrong here.
23:51All we've got to do is learn their language.
23:52Why, they're foreign, then?
23:55No, no, no.
23:56It's just that they're yuppies.
23:57They don't speak proper English like what we do.
23:59I mean, I've been ear-rolling them.
24:01It's all yarr, super and fab and all that good.
24:03Yeah.
24:04And they love to talk about money.
24:05It's their favourite subject.
24:07I mean, you chat about money and you can't fail to impress them.
24:10Yeah.
24:10Yeah, God's honest.
24:13I saw one of them old £5 notes the other day.
24:21Come here, come here, Trigg, Trigg.
24:22No, no, no, no, mate.
24:24I don't mean talk about your bloody coin collection, do I?
24:27I mean, you've just got to talk about your wealth.
24:29Yeah, but I ain't got none of that.
24:31Neither have offered these.
24:32They're all living in sin with their flexible friends.
24:35I just mean you've got to chat about it.
24:37You've just got to talk.
24:37That's a...
24:39Look, I'll show you how it's done, look.
24:40Watch me, watch this.
24:47Ha!
24:48It's all go when you're in a high-profile business, isn't it, girls?
24:51Really?
24:52Yeah.
24:52Of course, I'm in stocks and shares meself.
24:54Yeah, I bought a few thousand shares in a little department store this afternoon.
24:57Now I've got to phone my lawyer and my accountant.
24:59Gives you the hump, doesn't it?
25:01Excuse me, sorry.
25:02How do you spell Arads?
25:05Capital A.
25:06Capital A.
25:10Oh, I see.
25:11I see, all right.
25:12Beam me up, snotty.
25:16It's all you need, ain't it, eh?
25:17Yeah.
25:18Here, have this.
25:19I don't want it.
25:19Thanks.
25:32See you later, Mickey.
25:33Rodney?
25:34Rodney!
25:34Hang on.
25:35What's happening then, eh?
25:36What's she all about?
25:38Her name is Cassandra.
25:39She lives in Blackheath.
25:40And she is giving me a lift home.
25:43She's got a car?
25:44No, she's giving me a crossbar.
25:46Because she's got a car.
25:48We're dropping her friend off first.
25:50She lives next door to Cassandra.
25:52If you're going to Blackheath, you can give me a lift home then, eh?
25:54No.
25:54Oh, go on.
25:55I'm going to a club over, Blackheath.
25:57Just drop us off somewhere and I'll walk the rest of the way.
25:59No, because, um, well, she's only got a two-seater.
26:02Yeah, if she's got a two-seater, here comes she's taking you and her mate.
26:06No, look, Mickey.
26:07Jevon, we're off.
26:13You better not nauseous up for me, Mickey.
26:15Don't worry, I'll be on my double best behaviour.
26:17The perfect gentleman.
26:19You better be.
26:20Promise?
26:20What's her friends, man?
26:21Emma.
26:21Should we do it, too?
26:25Don't get the hump.
26:33See, nowadays, these mock bureau birds, they go for the more mature men who've made it in life.
26:38Yeah?
26:39Is that why we're having no luck?
26:41No, no.
26:42I haven't started yet.
26:43Just building myself up to it.
26:45Yeah, well, you better hurry up.
26:46It'll be closing time soon.
26:48All right, all right.
26:59I think we're on a winner, E3, all right?
27:02Play it nice and cool, son.
27:03Nice and cool, you know what I mean?
27:26Treat up, treat.
27:27Treat up, we're leaving.
27:31Aren't you going to try it for them birds?
27:32No, no, you're cramping my style, mate.
27:34You're cramping my style.
27:41Me and Rodney live near each other.
27:42Do you know the new area estate, Peckham?
27:44No, can't say I've ever heard of it, no.
27:46It's a rather lively place, especially when a militant's older Mardi Gras, eh, Rodney?
27:51You two live in Black Eve?
27:53Yes.
27:54Hey, do you have heard of a drink around there called the Down by the Riverside Club?
27:57No, can't say I've ever heard of that either.
27:59Where is it?
28:00Oh, well, it's down by the Riverside, innit?
28:05I've heard of it.
28:05It's got a terrible reputation, full of unsavoury characters.
28:09Oh, I'm a member.
28:10I beg your pardon?
28:11That's all right, darling.
28:12Didn't even hear it.
28:15Didn't even hear it!
28:17Oh, please, God.
28:19All right, fair enough.
28:20You get a few unsavoury characters, get in there, but we enjoy ourselves.
28:24So do lynch mobs.
28:25Oh, me too!
28:26Just for that, I'm not going to let you give me a kiss goodnight.
28:29Oh, God.
28:33Here we are.
28:41Night, Rodney.
28:42Night, Emma.
28:47Hey, Rodney.
28:49Clock the houses.
28:50Yeah.
28:50Nice, eh?
28:52Nice?
28:52You've got to be talking 300k.
28:55Going to be a bit of a culture shock for Cassandra when she drops you off at Nelson Mandela House,
28:59isn't it?
29:01Anyway, I'd better walk it from here, eh?
29:03I'll see you, Rodney.
29:05Night, Cassandra.
29:06Good night, Emma.
29:07Love you.
29:08He he he he he he.
29:12Good night, mate.
29:15Look, I'm sorry about Mickey.
29:17Don't be silly.
29:18We all have friends who are over the top, shall we say?
29:20Yeah.
29:21He's probably still upset about losing his money.
29:23How do you do that?
29:25Well, you remember when I asked you to dance?
29:26I did it for a bit.
29:30Well, no, I didn't mean it like that.
29:31He said I wouldn't have the guts to ask you, but...
29:34Well, I did.
29:35I get the feeling that hidden in that statement somewhere there's a compliment.
29:39Yeah.
29:40Big compliment.
29:42All right, then.
29:43I suppose we'd better be getting you back to...
29:45What was it called?
29:45The near-area estate.
29:48I don't live in a near-area estate.
29:49I thought Mickey said.
29:50Mickey lives on a near-area estate.
29:52I live near it.
29:53What, past it.
29:54What, quite a long way past it.
30:07What's a lovely road you live in?
30:09Yes, it's quite nice.
30:11Oh, here we are.
30:15You lucky thing.
30:16What a great house.
30:17No, I don't notice it really, you know.
30:20Just a place to lay my head.
30:23Oh, good.
30:24My brother got the car home safely.
30:28Well, thanks for the lift, Cassandra.
30:30Pleasure.
30:31Oh, I'll give you my number.
30:34You can give me a ring.
30:37Here I am.
30:37If you like.
30:40Thanks.
30:41Well, good night.
30:43Night.
30:53Good night, Woodney.
30:56Yes, of course.
31:14Please drive the way.
31:22Oh, my God.
31:24Oh, my God.
31:32Oh, my God.
31:40Please, Cassandra, go.
31:42Oh, my God.
32:13Cosmic.
32:22Cosmic.
32:23Cosmic.
32:35Deal.
32:37Deal, boy.
32:41Deal.
32:44What you wanna do that for, you soppy old duffer?
32:48Bloody hell, I don't realise my own strength.
32:50It's got nothing to do with your strength.
32:53I was having a few drinks earlier this evening in a very trendy wine bar with some of my yuppie
32:58friends and I happened to fall arse over head.
33:02You're gonna do yourself a lot of damage, you ain't careful.
33:05I've done myself a lot of damage.
33:07I mean, you're not eating, eating's for wimps, and you're drinking so much you're falling down in boozes.
33:13I wasn't drinking, in fact I was on some very trendy, funny tasting wine with...
33:19Oh, forget it.
33:20I'm getting rid of that rubbish in the kitchen.
33:22Do you want me to chuck anything else down the chute?
33:24Not unless you're feeling in a kamikaze mood.
33:28Why don't you let me do some grub, eh?
33:32Yeah, alright uncle, I'm feeling a bit hungry.
33:34Do me a health-conscious fry-up, will you?
33:46I don't care what they say, you can't whack the who.
34:02Alright?
34:05What?
34:06I said, alright?
34:09Terrific.
34:12What's it like, Al?
34:16There's a few spots of rain in the air.
34:19Yeah?
34:20Might help us shift some of those raincoats, mightn't it?
34:23Well, but that one's shrunk, innit?
34:28Come on, let's have it here.
34:30Did you have a good night?
34:32Not too bad.
34:33Oh, good.
34:34I stayed on at the wine bar.
34:36Serious, very nice.
34:37Mine sort of plays that, you know.
34:39And then I went on for a drink down by the riverside.
34:42Yeah.
34:43Actually, I, er...
34:44Reminds me, I met that Mickey Pearce.
34:46He came in, you know, right at the last knock-ins.
34:48And he told me that you'd met this posh tart.
34:51And she'd given you a lift home in her flash car.
34:54That's right.
34:56Well, she got a convertible.
34:59No.
35:00I asked her to drop me off half way.
35:02I fancied a walk.
35:03What, in this weather?
35:05Lots of people enjoy walking in the rain.
35:08Yes, I know, but they're usually recaptured very quickly.
35:14Del?
35:15Yeah?
35:15This bottle's empty.
35:16That's all right.
35:17It's no problem.
35:17Chuck it in the rubby.
35:22It's all right, Rod.
35:23You can't hide the truth from me.
35:24I know what happened tonight.
35:25I can read you like a book.
35:27You know nothing, Del, so keep it out.
35:30I know nothing.
35:31I know...
35:31Right.
35:32All right then, my son.
35:32Come on.
35:33Listen, I've got 20 notes here.
35:35Look, there they are.
35:35That says that I can guess what happened tonight.
35:38Go on then.
35:39You cover that.
35:39All right.
35:41Go on then.
35:42Noel, tell me.
35:44All right.
35:46That Mickey Pearce said that this Cassandra sort lived in a right nice drum.
35:51Yeah.
35:52So?
35:53So.
35:54This is what I think happened.
35:57You saw her house and the snob in you came racing to the surface.
36:03And you thought, oh, how can I take her back to Nelson Mandela?
36:07How?
36:10So.
36:11On your way home, you made her drive up some right posh road somewhere like Kings Avenue.
36:19And then you stopped at some right nice little mansion and you pretended that's where you lived.
36:26You didn't half talk a load of rubbish.
36:27Is that the truth?
36:28Yes.
36:29Thank you very much indeed.
36:32That's it, Rodney, you see.
36:33You like an open book, my son.
36:35And it's thicker than my filofax.
36:38Double your money.
36:40Try to get rich.
36:46I'll fold your bloody face.
36:50Still raining?
36:52No.
36:52I took a shortcut through a car wash.
36:55All right, boy.
36:55Don't have a gut me.
36:56I only asked.
36:58I'll chuck this stuff down a chute.
37:02Here on.
37:03Dry yourself off.
37:04And don't be ashamed of where you live, Rodney.
37:07Look, I want better than this, but I'm not ashamed of it.
37:09Oh, but, Del, you should have seen her road.
37:12There weren't one window boarded up.
37:14All the lampposts worked.
37:16I mean, what would she have thought if she had come back here, eh?
37:19No, I'd just keep driving straight past the burnt-out panda car, Cassandra,
37:23and I'll live just before the next barricade.
37:26I don't know how you feel, Rodney.
37:27I've been through the same emotions myself.
37:30You?
37:30Yes, me.
37:32Well, it was about 15, 16 years ago.
37:34I met this bird, and, er...
37:37Yeah, she...
37:37She was from Texas.
37:39What, the do-it-yourself place?
37:46No.
37:47No, Texas in America.
37:49Yeah, the old man was an old baron or something.
37:51She had one of these long, double-barreled, funny names,
37:54like Ellie May or something like that.
37:56Who would you meet an old baron's daughter?
37:58I was working when I was in the Tower of London.
38:00I was doing the old happy snaps, you know.
38:03Second-hand brownie, no film, pound a go, lovely jubbly.
38:06Anyway, she was there, you see,
38:08and she asked me to take a picture of her and the beefeater
38:11and one of these, erm, one of these crow things, right?
38:14So anyway, I started to chatter up, like, you know,
38:16and I offered a show around London.
38:19So anyway, after a little while,
38:22we fell deeply in love with each other.
38:26God, what was her name now?
38:29Anyway, it doesn't matter.
38:30Anyway, you know what she said to me one day?
38:33Where's my picture?
38:37No, she didn't say that, no.
38:39In fact, she paid me a very great compliment.
38:41She said, when she met me,
38:43it reminded her of the day that President Kennedy died.
38:47And that's the nicest compliment you've ever had.
38:50Yeah, but don't you see what she meant?
38:52Nice.
38:53Well, I like to think that she meant that
38:55everyone remembers where they were
38:57the day they met Del Trotter.
39:02She might not have meant that.
39:04What else could she have meant?
39:05Well, I don't know.
39:06Perhaps she meant you look...
39:07Yeah, you look like Lee Harvey Oswald.
39:11I don't look like Lee Harvey bleeding Oswald!
39:14God!
39:15Who's Lee Harvey Oswald?
39:17He's a bloke while he shot Kennedy.
39:20You look a bit like him, Del.
39:21No, I don't!
39:23No, of course you don't.
39:23You look nothing like him.
39:25I'll get you grown.
39:26Yeah.
39:27So anyway, what's you and Peggy Sue
39:29got to do with me and Cassandra?
39:31Well, she wanted to see where I lived.
39:33And I had the same struggle with my conscience as you've had.
39:36I was frightened if I brought her back here,
39:38she might think less of me.
39:39So you didn't?
39:40No, I did.
39:42When?
39:43Well, it was one Sunday years ago now.
39:46Well, where was I?
39:48He was down at Mountbatten Estate
39:50selling them gas conversion kits.
39:54You bastard!
39:57You sent me all the way down here
39:58knowing I had chicken pox
40:00just so as you and Annie bloody Oakley
40:01could have a flat to yourselves.
40:04That wasn't like that, wasn't it?
40:05It wasn't like that.
40:05I was trying to present you with a challenge.
40:07What, selling gas conversion kits
40:08on an all-electric estate?
40:09That is a challenge and a half.
40:12No, it's alright. Listen, I'll tell you the truth.
40:15Alright, so I wanted to get rid of you for a couple of hours.
40:17I mean, I was...
40:18Well, you know, I was serious about her
40:20and wanted to make a good impression.
40:22And I just thought, well,
40:23bringing her back to this tower block's bad enough, but...
40:26I mean, if she saw you in that dopey shirt
40:28and all them Randolph Scots all over your face,
40:30that'd be Goodnight Vienna, wouldn't it?
40:34So she come back here?
40:36Yeah.
40:38Gave her a pot of tea
40:40and a lion's Victoria sponge.
40:44It was very nice.
40:46Did she, you know, think anything less of you?
40:51I dunno, I never saw her again.
40:53I mean, she went home, you know, her holiday had finished.
40:56Did she write to you?
40:59God blimey, look at it, he's bucketing down out there.
41:02Look, isn't it, eh?
41:03Here you are, dear boy.
41:05Oi!
41:06Some little bird phoned for you about 15 minutes ago.
41:09I think she'd been on drugs.
41:11She said you left your coat in the back of her car
41:13and she's taken it back to your house in the Kings Avenue.
41:18People there had never heard of you.
41:21You cunning git!
41:22No, no, no!
41:23Give me that money back!
41:24No, no! Stop it!
41:26Stop it!
41:27Now, now, calm down.
41:29You've learned a very valuable lesson tonight, haven't you?
41:32Don't gamble!
41:33Because you never know when the cards are stacked.
41:36I said of course they'd never heard of him.
41:38He don't live in the Kings Avenue.
41:40He lives on an Iwery estate.
41:42You told her where I lived?
41:46Well, then goes another dream.
41:48No, it ain't necessarily so, bruv.
41:50It ain't necessarily so.
41:53So she phoned up, left her phone number
41:55and said that she'd be there till midnight
41:56so you could phone her back.
41:58You're kidding.
41:59She said she wants to hear from you tonight
42:01because she's going out tomorrow
42:03to buy a couple of tickets for some pop concert.
42:05Mmm.
42:06I bet it's wet, wet, wet.
42:12Yeah, I'll bet.
42:13Ah, cheers, Bill.
42:14Oi, where's her number?
42:15In my file effects.
42:19Jeremy!
42:20Jeremy!
42:22Jeremy!
42:22Jeremy!