- 6 months ago
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00:00Oi, Albert, come on, a cup of tea out here for you.
00:11Hello, son.
00:12All right.
00:30Here we are.
00:53Right, now then.
00:57Here we go.
00:58Here we are, sweet eyes.
01:00There's nothing like a nice cup of Darjeeling to start the day.
01:02That's my motto.
01:03Thanks.
01:06So, what are you up to today, then?
01:09Oh, nothing much.
01:10I'm just going to sit around and try and learn this.
01:12Yeah, yeah.
01:13I wish I'd never agreed to this audition in the first place.
01:15I'll never get the part, anyway.
01:17Hey, come on.
01:17You're giving up before you've even started.
01:19You don't know how nervous I get at auditions.
01:21Oh, you'll be terrific.
01:24Remember the old saying?
01:26Eh?
01:27She who dares.
01:28Wings.
01:32You say so, Dar.
01:34Yep.
01:35You know, you're the only one who's ever really given me any encouragement.
01:38My ex-husband used to laugh at me.
01:40To him, ambition, dreams and wonderful things were a waste of time.
01:44Yeah.
01:45Never lose sight of your dreams, sweetheart.
01:47Well, I've always said, never lose sight of your dreams.
01:50Do you know, when I was 18, I said by the time I was 21, I was going to be a millionaire.
01:56Really?
01:56Yeah.
01:57Then when I was 21, I said, I'll be a millionaire by the time I was 30.
02:01And then when I was 30, do you want to jam me dodger?
02:05Lovely.
02:06I've never told anyone this, but do you remember when I was in America for a while?
02:12Mm-hmm.
02:13Well, while I was there, they were putting on AIDA at the Met.
02:16Mm-hmm.
02:17So I applied for a part in it.
02:19I didn't get it.
02:20There were union problems and I wasn't very good.
02:22Oh.
02:22For a while, my head was filled with big theatres.
02:25You know, New York, Broadway, all that.
02:32Stupid.
02:33No.
02:34Not stupid at all, sweetheart.
02:35Not stupid at all.
02:36Because you had a go, didn't you?
02:38That's the most important thing.
02:40You had a go.
02:41Anyway, I reckon it was all for the best.
02:44How?
02:45Well, AIDA at the Met.
02:48I can't see you playing a policewoman.
02:52Perhaps you're right.
02:57Although I wouldn't have had to do much research.
02:59My husband was a policeman.
03:01Good.
03:02Good.
03:02He was a cop.
03:04Good.
03:04Betty.
03:05Yeah, didn't I ever say?
03:06No, you did not.
03:07You never told me that.
03:08Oh, dear.
03:11Do you see much of him?
03:12Do you see him at all?
03:13No, I've seen him for years and years.
03:15Why?
03:16Me?
03:16Nothing.
03:16No, I'm just curious, that's all.
03:18Just curious.
03:19Oh, Gary.
03:20Dear.
03:21You never told me that.
03:23You better explain yourself.
03:26Oh.
03:27Am I interrupting anything?
03:28No.
03:30Oh, well, better luck next time.
03:32All right, see you later.
03:34Yeah, all right.
03:34Hey, listen, I'm going round your flat this morning.
03:37Do your front door.
03:38Now, have you seen Cassandra since she got back?
03:40No.
03:41Why don't you ask to meet her?
03:42Talk things over quietly between yourselves.
03:44Well, if she wants to make the first move, fine.
03:46Other than that, need time.
03:47Well, is there a message that I can give her from you?
03:52Yes, I ask to the Vesta.
03:56Vesta?
03:57That's a boil-in-the-bag curry, innit?
03:59Yeah, that's honestly.
04:02Boil-in-the-bag curry.
04:03I thought it was.
04:05You didn't do any shopping today, then, Albert?
04:18No, that cup of tea I had this bored me made me feel a bit rough.
04:24I thought you were doing a shopping now.
04:27I've been to lunch with my agent.
04:29With some egg and bacon in the fridge.
04:31Del doesn't like fried food.
04:32No, yeah.
04:35Well, I'm sorry.
04:36It'll have to be egg and bacon.
04:37Oh, well, that's the way it goes.
04:39Four rations for me, please.
04:41Hello.
04:43Oh, by the way, here, when's that audition of yours?
04:45It's tomorrow.
04:46Tomorrow.
04:47I'm auditioning for Rosalind.
04:49What should you do?
04:50The part of Rosalind.
04:52I've got to learn the whole of Act 3 scene, too, by tomorrow morning.
04:54I mean, how the hell am I going to do that?
04:56Hey, well, don't worry about that.
04:57I'll help you.
04:58How do you mean?
04:59I'll rehearse with you.
05:00You know, I'll read all the other parts,
05:01so you can get used to it.
05:03You?
05:04Yes, me.
05:05I used to do a bit of acting when I was at school.
05:07Bloody good I was and all.
05:08Yeah.
05:09All right, then.
05:09Thanks.
05:10I'll get the dinner on.
05:11Here.
05:12You used to act at school?
05:14Oh, yeah.
05:14I was in the nativity play.
05:17Yeah, played the landlord.
05:21Should have seen me.
05:22There was a little Del boy, you know, strutting about.
05:24And then there was a knock at the door, like, you know,
05:26short answer to the door, said,
05:28I'm sorry, there's no room at the inn.
05:31Really, that old Joseph likely persuaded me
05:33to let him kip in the stable.
05:35I tried to charge him one and six for the night.
05:39I've got the cane for that.
05:41Those were the days, weren't they?
05:42Those were the days.
05:43Hey, Rodney, no, no, Rodney, no, no, uh-uh.
05:45Ring the doorbell.
05:47Hey?
05:47Ring the doorbell.
05:48I've got the cane.
05:49No, just ring the doorbell.
05:52All right.
06:05Viva France.
06:08Hey.
06:08Del, what is that theme?
06:10Brilliant, isn't it?
06:10Hey, brilliant.
06:11It's my musical door chimes there.
06:13Do you know they play 36 different national anthems?
06:1636 different national...
06:17You are kidding, aren't you?
06:18Hey, I ain't kidding, Raquel.
06:20I can see it in his eyes.
06:21How do you know they're genuine national anthems?
06:24Of course, they're written on the box here.
06:25Look, what can't speak, can't lie.
06:27Well, I've seen nothing in the Olympic Games.
06:29I ain't heard half the tunes this time plays.
06:31Yeah, I know, but how many gold medals
06:32has Fiji and Borneo won?
06:35But, you see, if they had, you know,
06:37in the Olympics, pearl diving
06:38and put in the shrunken head...
06:41What?
06:42You would have heard their national anthems, wouldn't you?
06:46Yeah, talking of shrunken heads,
06:47Rodney, I want a word with you.
06:51Well, what is it?
06:53Listen to me, I was round your place today,
06:55right, hitting a new front door,
06:57and I had a little chat with Cassandra,
06:59and I think she's had a change of heart.
07:01Oh, yeah?
07:01What makes you think that?
07:02Well, because I had a little chat with her,
07:03and she said to me that
07:05she still loves you
07:08very, very deeply.
07:11Cassandra said that?
07:12Mm-hm.
07:13Yeah, so much so that she...
07:14Well, she asked me
07:16to ask you
07:17if you'd be prepared
07:18to meet her tonight.
07:20Where?
07:21Well, I don't know, some...
07:22Where is it?
07:23Some little, uh...
07:24Little, uh...
07:25restaurant whooping way,
07:26I think it is.
07:26I don't know.
07:27Well, that's not Cassandra's writing.
07:28That's my writing,
07:29that is, isn't it?
07:31I mean, she just told me
07:32I wrote it down on a bit of paper,
07:33that's all.
07:34There you go.
07:35What do you reckon?
07:35What do you reckon, then, eh?
07:36Yeah.
07:38Well, because, you know,
07:38I ain't got nothing better to do.
07:40No.
07:40Good boy, lovely chubbly.
07:42I hope she don't think
07:42she can buy me a bottle of wine
07:43and walk straight back in my lifetime.
07:45No.
07:46I don't think she means that, Rodney.
07:47I don't think she does.
07:48Because I think she wants to woo again.
07:51Yeah.
07:52Anyway, she booked the table
07:54for 7.30, right?
07:55So, look at the time now.
07:56Come on, you'd better get your skates on.
07:57Oh, yeah.
07:58Better have a shower.
07:59Yeah.
08:00Thanks, Phil.
08:01What are you thanking me for?
08:02I was just a messenger boy, wasn't I?
08:04I feel sort of nervous.
08:06Nervous?
08:07What are you going to be nervous about?
08:08She's your wife.
08:09Yeah.
08:10Yeah, I'll just be myself, eh?
08:12No, try to make an impression, Rodney.
08:15Yeah.
08:15Yeah, you're right.
08:18Right.
08:18Well, are you going out tonight, then?
08:20Yeah, I've got to go down to Nags Head
08:21because Mike and Trigger
08:23want to buy one of my musical doorbells.
08:25Oh.
08:25Would you want me to drop it off
08:26at the pub on my way out?
08:27No, no, no.
08:28I've got to go, Rodney.
08:29I mean, I've got to go
08:29because, at the moment,
08:31Mike and Trigger don't know
08:32they want to buy one of my musical doorbells.
08:34Yeah, no, no.
08:35Come in back
08:35and I'm going to help Raquel rehearse her play.
08:37Oh, yeah.
08:38Mm.
08:39You are rehearsing a play?
08:41Yeah.
08:42Yeah.
08:43Raquel's up for some audition.
08:44That's right.
08:45One of Shakespeare's famous plays.
08:47And you are rehearsing it with her?
08:50Yeah.
08:51Oh, can't you do it now
08:52before I go out?
08:55No.
08:55Oh, please.
08:56I could do with a lot.
08:57A lot.
08:59You know, see how it's all done.
09:00You don't understand, Rodney.
09:01You don't understand, do you, eh?
09:03I mean, you can't expect
09:04an actress of Raquel's collie
09:06just to start rehearsing
09:07that at a drop of an act.
09:08No.
09:10She's got to search
09:11for her character, you see,
09:12and it's all about motivation.
09:15It's all about thought
09:17and sensitivity.
09:19And that takes time, Rodney.
09:21See, that takes time.
09:24And apart from that,
09:25she's only just put the rashes in the pan.
09:26Brilliant, isn't it, eh?
09:43Brilliant.
09:45No more of that Avon-calling cobblers.
09:47You know, the old stars and stripes.
09:50You expect me to have
09:51one of them things on my front door?
09:53You're keen, I can tell.
09:54Oh, Del, they are cheap and tacky.
09:57I've got one on my front door.
10:00You most probably have.
10:01You need a brain bypass
10:02to have one of them things fitted.
10:04How much are you selling them for, Del?
10:08Well, funny you should say that, Trig,
10:10because they normally retail
10:12at £36,
10:14but you can have it
10:15for £13.50,
10:17including batches and fitted.
10:19Go on in, I'll have one.
10:20Good boy, you know it makes sense.
10:24Oh, my God.
10:26I thought you'd banned laughing in this pub.
10:28Yeah.
10:29With that sort, I have.
10:31See them two blokes over there?
10:32Yeah.
10:32They've been plying her with drinks
10:34since six o'clock.
10:35I think they're a bit fed up with it now.
10:36Really?
10:37Mm.
10:38You'll...
10:38Would you call her a cab?
10:42Yeah, something like that.
10:43No, no.
10:45Would you phone for a minicab?
10:47The lady wants to go to Battersea.
10:49Oh, yeah, yeah.
10:49You leave that to me, mate.
10:51You see, I've got an understanding
10:52with British Telecom.
10:53I make a phone call
10:54and they charge me for it.
10:56Mm.
10:57I'm sorry.
10:58I apologise for him, sir.
11:00It's his religion.
11:01He's an orthodox tight arse.
11:02How's it going, Trig?
11:07All right.
11:08Well, we're down to my sister's house
11:10at the weekend.
11:10It was her 40th second on birthday.
11:12Oh, yeah.
11:14Wait a minute.
11:15Hang on.
11:15Your sister's five years younger than you.
11:18That'd make her 39.
11:19I know.
11:20When she's a typical woman,
11:21she lies about her age.
11:27Oh.
11:28That's a family.
11:29Oh, mustard, mustard.
11:30Raquel's boning up for an audition
11:32for a new play.
11:33It's, er,
11:34As You Like It by Shakespeare.
11:35Yeah?
11:36Yeah.
11:36Would it be on telly?
11:37No, no, no, no.
11:38Not this particular one.
11:39It won't probably be in this.
11:40But in the West End,
11:41something like that.
11:41Well, I hope she don't change.
11:43Raquel, why should she change?
11:45Well, they start mixing
11:46with all them posh actors
11:47and the next thing you know,
11:48they changed.
11:49No, not my Raquel.
11:51My sister went out with an actor once.
11:53We played a cat in Puss and Boots.
11:57She suddenly thought
11:58she was more intelligent
11:59than the rest of the family.
12:01Yeah, but if you remember, Trink,
12:02you had the same problem
12:04with your goldfish, didn't you?
12:07Work it out, Trink.
12:08I'll be back in a minute.
12:12Hello, sweetheart.
12:13Hey!
12:14Excuse me.
12:15How are you?
12:18How's the little baby?
12:20Oh, he's lovely.
12:21He's up there with Boyce.
12:23Oh, yeah.
12:24Hello, Boycey.
12:25Good evening, Derek.
12:26Yeah, just saying hello to Marlene.
12:27Yes, I notice you approaching my wife
12:30and shaking her warmly by the Aris.
12:34Shut up, you miserable old son.
12:35He's just having a laugh.
12:37Yeah, he's just having a giggle, that's all.
12:38Here, come on, let me buy you a drink.
12:39What do you want?
12:40I'll have a large cognac.
12:41Marlene will have an orange juice.
12:42She's just about to drive my son back home.
12:45OK.
12:46Michael, can I have a small orange,
12:48small cognac, and my special, please?
12:50Hey, Phil, look.
12:51We've got some pictures of the baby here.
12:53Oh, yeah.
12:54Look.
12:54Oh, he's champion, isn't he, sweetheart?
12:57Yes, he's got my eyes, hasn't he?
12:59No, his eyes are all warm and smiley.
13:02So are mine.
13:04My mum always said you had vampire eyes.
13:08Yeah, well, she should know the old bat.
13:13No, no, no, no, no.
13:14I'll tell you what, though.
13:14He's got my eyes.
13:16Definitely my eyes.
13:17What are you...
13:17Oh, look at that.
13:18I never noticed that.
13:19Mike, he's got your mouth, look.
13:20Definitely your mouth.
13:21That is Rodney's nose, if ever I've seen that.
13:28What are you saying?
13:31I mean, honest.
13:32I mean, what are you talking about?
13:32I ain't talking of Rodney.
13:34How is he now?
13:35Oh, he's all right, sweetheart.
13:36He's fine.
13:37Yeah, he's taking Cassandra out tonight, you know,
13:39trying to patch things up.
13:40Oh, good.
13:41I suppose you've missed him, eh, Del?
13:43Mm, of course.
13:44Rodney.
13:45Oh?
13:45I mean, you must have missed him
13:47when he left your partnership.
13:49Oh, yeah.
13:50I miss him like George Michael,
13:52Mrs Andrew Ridgely.
13:53Oh, you're done now.
14:03I'll be a minute, Del.
14:03Don't worry, Troy.
14:05My mummy's coming.
14:09That woman is as soppy as a lorry load of monkeys.
14:12You know, I got home this evening
14:15and discovered some salesmen's
14:17flogged her a doorbell
14:18that plays 36 national anthem.
14:21I've got one of them.
14:24Yes, I'd have put money on that trick.
14:27The difference is,
14:28I live in a mock Georgian mansion
14:30on Kings Avenue,
14:31and our neighbours
14:32are not going to appreciate
14:33being awoken by the sound
14:34of long-lived Swaziland
14:36every time the milkman calls.
14:37Oh, he still calls round, then, doesn't he?
14:41I'm off home now, boys.
14:43Don't be too late.
14:44No, I'll be about an hour.
14:45You know it's me.
14:46I'll play Mexico forever
14:47on the front door.
14:51Wave goodbye to you, Daddy.
14:53I am not in love
15:02But I'm open to persuasion
15:08Please don't wait
15:12Where's the bed
15:14For romance
15:17Hi.
15:18Hi.
15:18So,
15:31how was Spain?
15:33Oh, you know,
15:34OK.
15:36Good.
15:37Did you do anything interesting?
15:39No, not really.
15:41It was just Mummy and I
15:41at the villa.
15:43To be honest,
15:44it was a bit boring.
15:44I can imagine.
15:48No, I didn't mean
15:49being in your mother's company
15:50was boring
15:51because she's not
15:52a boring person.
15:53I know what you meant.
15:55Good.
15:57Excuse me.
15:59Do you want a glass of something?
16:00I have the same as you.
16:01Well, it's mineral water.
16:02That makes a nice change.
16:04I heard you've been drinking heavily.
16:09Heavily.
16:11Silly.
16:12Can I have a glass
16:13of mineral water, please?
16:14No, I think your father
16:16was exaggerating slightly,
16:18Cassandra.
16:19Daddy didn't tell me
16:20it was Del.
16:22Yeah, well,
16:23maybe I did go
16:23a bit overboard,
16:25you know,
16:25when we...
16:26when we left each other.
16:28You mean when you left me?
16:30Same thing.
16:31No, it isn't.
16:32I didn't go anywhere, Roddy.
16:34I was at the flat
16:35waiting for you.
16:36You just didn't come home.
16:38Yeah, well,
16:39we came here
16:39to discuss these things,
16:41didn't we?
16:41Not to argue.
16:42You started it.
16:43I didn't.
16:45I came home
16:46when you was on holiday
16:47and I found you
16:48changed the locks
16:49on the front door.
16:50Yeah, well,
16:51I should have told you.
16:52But that was no reason
16:52to kick the door in.
16:54I didn't kick the door in.
16:55I just sort of...
16:57You know,
16:58I saw you.
17:01Why did you go back there?
17:03I wanted to surprise you.
17:05You did surprise me.
17:06I didn't expect
17:07to come home
17:07to find my husband
17:08had kicked the front door in.
17:09Look, I've got
17:17just as much right
17:18to enter that flat
17:19as you, Cassandra.
17:20We have got
17:20a joint mortgage,
17:22remember,
17:22from the bank.
17:24And what about
17:25that girl you took out?
17:27I didn't take
17:28any girl out.
17:29You asked a girl out?
17:30That was just
17:31to make you jealous.
17:33It was a stupid idea
17:34and I never went
17:34through with it.
17:36Although,
17:36at this moment in time
17:37it strikes me
17:38as being one
17:38of my better moves.
17:40But this is obviously
17:41going to be a total waste
17:42of a good evening.
17:43Just think of all
17:44the more interesting things
17:45I could be doing.
17:46Like washing my hair.
17:47And what about me?
17:49I passed up the chance
17:50to watch Del
17:50rehearse a Shakespeare play.
17:52People would pay a fortune
17:54for something like that
17:54and I'd have had it
17:55for nothing.
17:56I came here this evening
17:57hoping that you and I
17:58could find some common ground
18:00on which to base our future.
18:02But it's pointless.
18:03I'm glad I found out
18:04this early on
18:05in our marriage
18:05what you're really like.
18:07Your drinking,
18:08your bouts of violence.
18:10God,
18:11I can just imagine
18:12my future with someone
18:12like you.
18:13You really are
18:14the silliest,
18:15pettiest,
18:16most childish person
18:17I ever had the misfortune
18:18to marry.
18:21You fancy me,
18:22don't you?
18:25No,
18:25I don't.
18:27Yes,
18:27you don't.
18:29Give me a little
18:29slut, yeah.
18:31I hate you.
18:33I wanted this
18:33to be serious.
18:35I wanted to really
18:35tear into you.
18:37Oh, so that's why
18:37you asked to meet me?
18:39I asked to meet you.
18:40You must be joking,
18:41Roddy.
18:42You're the one
18:42that did the asking.
18:44No,
18:44Del come home
18:45and he said
18:45you'd asked to meet me
18:47and you'd suggested
18:48this venue.
18:49Rodney,
18:50Derek brought a message
18:51round from you.
18:52He said you wanted
18:53to meet in this res...
18:55Del.
18:59Del.
19:03Cute.
19:07So now
19:08what do we do?
19:09I don't know.
19:17Fancy showing me
19:17your tan?
19:18Yeah.
19:21Can I take you
19:21on the set?
19:22No,
19:23I've lost me appetite.
19:24Same here.
19:29That's the new key.
19:32I've got to go
19:32round to Mummy
19:33and Daddy's.
19:33I've left some
19:34of my clothes
19:34at their house.
19:36Don't be too long,
19:37will you?
19:38About an hour
19:39or so.
19:40Do you remember
19:40your way home?
19:42I remember.
19:43In case you get
19:44confused,
19:45we've got a new
19:45front door.
19:46I'll see you
19:52in bed
19:52in about
19:52half an hour.
19:55Simply.
20:06Michael!
20:12Going to have
20:12trouble with that
20:13one, Michael.
20:13Yeah,
20:14don't I know it.
20:15The sooner
20:15that minicab
20:16arrives,
20:16the better.
20:18Disgusting,
20:19isn't it?
20:19It's disgusting.
20:20I like a lady
20:21to be a lady,
20:22you know what I mean?
20:23I can't stand
20:23a woman being drunk,
20:24staggering around
20:25a pub,
20:25dropping her crisps
20:26all over the place,
20:27you know what I mean?
20:28I remember
20:28your mum.
20:32Who have you
20:32been by that treat?
20:34She was a lady,
20:35wasn't she?
20:35Oh,
20:36oh yeah.
20:38My mum
20:39was a lady,
20:40you know.
20:41Do you know
20:41she was the first
20:42woman in Peckham
20:43to smoke
20:44mentful cigarettes?
20:48Look at the state
20:50of that.
20:51I wouldn't be
20:52seen dead with that,
20:53let alone
20:54admit knowing it.
20:55God, dear.
20:55Daryl!
20:56Daryl!
21:03God,
21:04blimey.
21:07How are you,
21:08darling?
21:11Oh,
21:12trippy,
21:13trippy,
21:13yeah?
21:13How long's it been,
21:15then?
21:19How long's what been?
21:21Since we last
21:22saw each other.
21:23Have we met?
21:27You don't remember
21:28me, do you?
21:28No, I don't.
21:29It's Trudy.
21:31Trudy?
21:32Trudy?
21:33Were we engaged?
21:34Oh, yes.
21:36You ain't half
21:37changed, sweetheart.
21:39Well,
21:39then we all love it.
21:40Look,
21:40hang on a minute,
21:41hang on.
21:42I'll just go
21:42and get me drink.
21:44I've gone right
21:47off that hot dog,
21:48Mike.
21:48We made it up.
21:52You and Cassie,
21:53we're back together.
21:53Well done,
21:54brothers.
21:55Yeah,
21:56great.
21:56There's a minicab outside
21:58for somebody.
21:58Yeah,
21:59that'll be for your
22:00ex-fiancée,
22:01Daryl.
22:03Get her out,
22:04will you?
22:04All right,
22:04Mike,
22:05give us a minute,
22:05will you?
22:05Give me a minute.
22:06Oi,
22:06Daryl,
22:07it's not another
22:07old fiancée,
22:08is he?
22:08Yeah,
22:08I'm sorry,
22:09Rodney,
22:09I was very young
22:10at the time.
22:11But you,
22:12Cassandra,
22:12she's not out there
22:13in a van,
22:13is she?
22:13No,
22:14no,
22:14she's going around
22:14to her mum and dad's
22:18home tonight.
22:18What you mean is,
22:19Rodney,
22:19what you mean is
22:20you will be home
22:21tonight.
22:22Yeah.
22:23Yeah,
22:23my real home,
22:24eh?
22:24That's right.
22:25Well,
22:25there's your key.
22:26Oh,
22:27right,
22:27Joe.
22:27And thanks for having me.
22:29Oh,
22:30Rodney,
22:31come on,
22:31it's a pleasure.
22:34Cassandra didn't ask
22:34to make me,
22:35did she?
22:37No,
22:38I lied.
22:39You're a conniving
22:40git,
22:40isn't she?
22:43It worked,
22:44though,
22:44didn't it?
22:47What are you doing?
22:48I've just seen
22:49Raquel and Albert
22:49getting off the bus.
22:50Raquel?
22:51Raquel's coming in here?
22:51Yes.
22:52She can't see me
22:53with that true,
22:53do you know
22:54how jealous she gets?
22:55No,
22:55look out.
22:56Bill,
22:56tell me everything
22:58that's been happening
22:59then.
23:00Well,
23:00I'd love to,
23:03sweetheart,
23:03but your cab
23:04has just arrived.
23:05Oh,
23:05look,
23:06look,
23:06Bill,
23:06why don't you
23:07come back
23:07to my place
23:08and we can
23:09talk about
23:10old times?
23:13No,
23:13I'd love to,
23:13sweetheart,
23:14I'd love to,
23:14but you see,
23:14I've got to stay here
23:15and talk some business
23:16with these gentlemen,
23:17you see.
23:17Rodney,
23:18will you escort
23:18this lady
23:19to her cab?
23:19Yes,
23:20there you go.
23:21I'll see you then,
23:22Dale.
23:22Why,
23:22sweetheart,
23:23yes.
23:23Here,
23:23tell her,
23:24should you come
23:25in this pub often
23:26then?
23:26No,
23:27no,
23:27no,
23:27I've never been
23:28in here before
23:29in my life,
23:29have I,
23:29Mike?
23:29That's right.
23:30I'll see you then,
23:31I'll see you then.
23:32Bye.
23:32Bye.
23:33Bye.
23:33Bye.
23:33Bye.
23:34Bye.
23:35Oh,
23:35lovely.
23:38Oh,
23:39is this my car?
23:40Is this a red car?
23:42It's my car?
23:43It's lovely.
23:43Let me get...
23:44Stand up,
23:45Rodney,
23:45I'll stay with...
23:46You're all right.
23:47You'll be all right.
23:48Mate,
23:49you open the door.
23:49Yeah,
23:50oh,
23:50they're like,
23:50oh,
23:51this is mine.
23:52Cassie!
24:04Cassie!
24:17Cass,
24:18unlock the door.
24:20Cass!
24:22Cass, we've got to talk.
24:25Look, Cass, that bird was nothing to do with me.
24:27She was some old sort.
24:28Del was engaged two years ago.
24:32Well, Cass, at least let's talk.
24:35Cassie!
24:39Cass.
24:52By no means, sir.
24:56Time travels in divers places with divers persons.
24:59I'll tell you who time ambles with all,
25:01who time trots with all,
25:03who time gallops with all,
25:04and who he stands still with all.
25:06That's it! Bloody good, bloody good, Raquel!
25:08Orlando.
25:09Hey.
25:10Orlando.
25:10Oh, right. Oh, yes, it's me.
25:15Aye, privy, who duff he trot with all?
25:18What are you doing?
25:19I'm acting.
25:20No, don't. Just read it.
25:23All right.
25:26It's all right.
25:28By privy, who duff he trot with all?
25:30Is that all right?
25:31Yes.
25:32Mary, he trots hard with a young maid
25:33between the contract of her marriage
25:35and the day it is solemnised.
25:37For if the interim be but a senite,
25:40time's pace is so hard
25:41that it seems the length...
25:44Of?
25:45...of seven years.
25:46When have you got to learn this by?
25:48Tomorrow morning.
25:49Oh, Del, he's right.
25:53I'm going to make a real mess of this audition.
25:55No, you're not, sweetheart.
25:56No, you're not.
25:57She's going to be terrific, isn't she, Albert?
25:58Oh, she are.
25:59And if you're not, what have you lost?
26:01What do you mean, what have I lost?
26:02Well, it's only a bunch of Nancy actors
26:04doing a play which no one can make it in the tail of.
26:06There.
26:09That makes you feel much better, doesn't it, eh?
26:12You dozy old twonk.
26:14This is authentic culture, this duff is.
26:16You just shut a gob, will ya?
26:18Shall we continue, sweetheart?
26:20You sure you don't mind doing this?
26:21No, of course I don't.
26:22I mean, I'm enjoying myself.
26:23This is a blinding play.
26:25Thanks.
26:26Shall we start at the beginning?
26:27No, let's go on a bit, shall we?
26:28Just move on.
26:33Saved by the doorbell.
26:34What are you doing now?
26:41I thought you were staying at your own place tonight.
26:43We've broken up.
26:44You...
26:44You've broken up?
26:47What are you talking about?
26:49You've only been together an hour.
26:52What happened?
26:53She saw me standing outside the nags head
26:55with my arm around bloody Trudy.
26:57You had your arm around another woman?
27:00Well, no wonder she's thrown you out, sir.
27:01You're right, doesn't it, Rodney?
27:03Well, Trudy was nothing to do with me.
27:05She was the old sort of...
27:06Adele was...
27:07She was...
27:09She...
27:11She...
27:15She...
27:15Just a friend.
27:18Oh, just a friend, eh?
27:20How many times have I heard that?
27:24I've got no pity for you.
27:26In fact, you disgust me.
27:28Wouldn't do you any harm
27:29to take a leaf out of Adele's book.
27:33Yeah.
27:34I'm going to study this in the bedroom.
27:36All right, sweetheart.
27:38I'll see you a little later.
27:42Don't you look at me
27:43in that tone of voice, Rodney.
27:44How was I to know
27:45that Cassandra would see you?
27:46And anyway,
27:47what was she doing
27:47with your arm around Trudy?
27:49Stopping her from falling flat
27:50on her bloody face.
27:52Do you reckon Cassandra
27:53would tell her dead?
27:54No, no, no.
27:55She'll keep it personal
27:56between her and Rodney.
27:57Here you are.
28:02Away you go.
28:04Er,
28:05Trotters International Traders,
28:06PLC.
28:08Oh, hello, Alan.
28:10Don't say I'm in.
28:11Er, no, sorry.
28:12He's not in.
28:13No, don't say I'm out.
28:14Don't you just say don't say...
28:15Oh, God.
28:16No, sorry.
28:16What do you mean?
28:16He's not in the room.
28:18He's in the bathroom.
28:20Yeah.
28:21All right.
28:22No, I'll take a message, yeah.
28:23Yep, okay.
28:26All right, Alan.
28:27TTFN then.
28:27Bye.
28:30I want to see you
28:31in work tomorrow,
28:32first thing.
28:33Oh, God.
28:34It's all right, Rodney.
28:34It's all right.
28:35Don't worry.
28:36It's probably something
28:36to do with the business,
28:37that's all.
28:38Anyway,
28:39I'm going to go off
28:39and help Raquel
28:40rehearse her play.
28:41Now,
28:42if you hear any funny noises,
28:44right,
28:45don't worry
28:45because it'll be me
28:46rehearsing my speech
28:47for Edging Court.
28:51Well, that's it,
28:51isn't it?
28:53Alan is going
28:54to sack me.
28:55Can't sack you.
28:56Well, of course he can.
28:57He owns a firm,
28:58doesn't he?
28:59That printing shop of his
29:00is overloaded with work.
29:01He's got orders
29:02coming out of his ears.
29:03Everyone's working
29:04overtime and weekends.
29:06So what are you saying?
29:07He'll wait
29:07till the rush is over?
29:08During the war.
29:09Oh, no,
29:09Unc, please.
29:10Not the U-boat
29:11and the field again.
29:12We docked him
29:13for letter
29:13on our way to Greece.
29:15We had our
29:15chief communications officer
29:17on board,
29:18Tuppy Fox.
29:19It's a funny name
29:20for a ship,
29:21isn't it?
29:21That was the officer's name.
29:24Now,
29:25Tuppy,
29:25old Tuppy,
29:26he'd like to live it up
29:27once in a while.
29:28And one night
29:28he was on duty
29:29and the captain
29:30come in
29:31in the radio room
29:32and caught him
29:33with a Maltese girl
29:34in one hand
29:35and a bottle of gin
29:35with the other.
29:36Put him under arrest
29:37and started
29:38court-martial proceedings.
29:39Albert,
29:40is there any point
29:41to this story
29:41or are you just rambling?
29:43The Navy
29:44had a wartime rule.
29:46Only commissioned officers
29:47were allowed
29:48to control
29:49the radio room.
29:50Yeah,
29:50you're just rambling.
29:51Now,
29:52Tuppy Fox
29:52was the only
29:53communications officer
29:54on board.
29:55Do you know
29:55what he did?
29:57I don't care
29:57what he did.
29:58He resigned
29:59his commission,
30:00which meant...
30:01I don't know.
30:02Which meant
30:03the ship
30:03couldn't sail.
30:04The captain
30:05had no choice
30:06but to refuse
30:07to accept
30:07Tuppy's resignation.
30:09Once he'd done that,
30:10he couldn't proceed
30:10with the court-martial.
30:12It was checkmate.
30:14I see.
30:15So,
30:16they needed him
30:17more than he needed them.
30:18Exactly.
30:19What I'm trying to say is
30:21realise your own importance.
30:24Tuppy Fox did
30:25and he went on
30:25to command
30:26his own submarine under.
30:28Yeah.
30:30You're right.
30:32Cheers, Uncle.
30:33Yeah.
30:36He died in Palermo Harbour.
30:41Dropped to depth
30:42charging
30:43nine foot of water.
30:45LAUGHTER
30:45LAUGHTER
30:46chezlasting
30:49and
30:50Bye.
30:56LAUGHTER
30:58WAIL
31:00SHE TRACKING
31:05HE TOOK
31:07THEY CHECK
31:07THEY CHECK
31:08THEY CHECK
31:15HE It's a happy
31:15BIRDS CHIRP
31:35Oi! Rodney!
31:40Alan, there's a letter for you waiting on the desk.
31:43Yeah, yeah, I'll deal with it later. I wanted to see you.
31:47Yeah, Dale said you wanted to see me.
31:49Look, um, you know that lunch we had with Ron Carey from the Harby's mail order people?
31:54Oh, yeah, vaguely. That was months ago.
31:56Well, we got the contract.
31:59You're kidding.
32:00A three-year deal. We do all their junk mail, all their catalogues, and all their office stationery.
32:05Well, that's massive.
32:06You're telling me? I think we can safely say we'll be having roast turkey again this Christmas.
32:11Yeah, but how are we gonna handle it? We've barely got the staff or the room to cope with our present workload.
32:15We take on more staff and we move to a bigger workshop.
32:18That's what I wanted to see you about. I've been looking at some new premises. I'd like you to see them.
32:24Well, where are they?
32:26You know that new industrial estate out at Nunhead?
32:29Alan, about last night.
32:32Last night?
32:34Yeah, you know, what happened with me and Cassandra.
32:37Oh, that! Well, needless to say, Pam and I were delighted with the news.
32:41Delighted?
32:42Well, Cassandra came home and told us you were back together.
32:45Oh, yeah. Well, I wanted to talk to you about what happened after that.
32:49Rodney, I'm a man of the world but I'm also Cassandra's father.
32:55I don't want to know what happened after that.
32:57Do you know what I mean?
32:59Yeah.
33:00It's...
33:01It's...
33:02It's...
33:03It's...
33:04It's...
33:22All right, sweetheart?
33:24What are you doing here?
33:26Hmm?
33:27Oh, well, er, you know, just happened to be passing.
33:30I thought I'd pop in and give you a lift home.
33:32Er, Del, this is Adrian.
33:34He's the director.
33:35Er, Adrian, this is Derek.
33:37He's, er...
33:38He's a friend.
33:39Oh, pleased to meet you.
33:41Yeah, and you, eh?
33:42They're new.
33:43So, how'd she do?
33:45At the audition?
33:46Yeah.
33:47Very well.
33:48Cushy. Cushy.
33:49They can't be back, can they?
33:50I told you'd be no trouble.
33:51You shouldn't ask questions like that.
33:52Oh, shut up.
33:53You're too picky.
33:54That's your problem.
33:55So, er, what can I get you?
33:56Er, small dry sherry, please, Adrian.
33:58Yeah, er, same here.
33:59Yeah.
34:00Right.
34:01Erm, I'll have a key.
34:04So, er, are you, er, in the business, Derek?
34:06No, no, no.
34:07No, I'm, er, I'm importer, exporter.
34:10I deal in fine antiques, quality objet d'art, mobile telephones, that sort of thing.
34:16Which, whilst we're on the subject, Adrian, I hadn't been doing a very nice line in computerised
34:22communication systems, which I believe would be right up your street.
34:27It's a musical doorbell.
34:29See, what happens, when you press the button...
34:31Derek, er, this is Jules.
34:32Oh.
34:33Jules is our set designer.
34:34Jules, this is Derek, er, Raquel's friend.
34:36Hi.
34:37All right?
34:38Oh, give me some vitamin C. I feel absolutely wrecked.
34:40Yeah, well, er, let's go and sit down at the table, shall we?
34:41Right, er, I'll just grab some food.
34:42Mmm.
34:43I feel a bit pickish as well.
34:44Yeah, so do I.
34:45I'll fit...
34:46What?
34:47Well, go and sit at the table.
34:48I need to talk to him.
34:49Oh, right.
34:50Come here.
34:51Oh, yeah.
34:52Oh, yeah.
34:53Oh.
34:54Oh, yeah.
34:55Yeah.
34:56Oh, yeah.
34:57So do I.
34:58I'll fit...
34:59What?
35:00Go and sit at the table.
35:01I need to talk to him.
35:02Oh, right.
35:03Come here.
35:05they think I can design magnificent stage sets on peanuts I mean these people don't have a budget
35:27it's more like a whip around yeah I know what you mean it's a bar can it feel my hands
35:35those are calluses I'm the set designer yet I have to help unload the lorries did I go to art college
35:47for three years for that see the match the other night what match you know one between England and
36:01Yugoslavia I'm not really interested in football you were lucky you were dead lucky I mean some of
36:06the decisions that riff made were criminal they were I mean we was wrong we was robbed I mean they
36:11showed the match on grandstand I said to my brother Rodney I said they should have shown it on crime
36:15watch I tell you what I did watch that Elizabeth Taylor film cat on a hot tin roof isn't she the
36:24most gorgeous creature ever well yeah pity she got fat won't it Derek her bone stretch and her eyes
36:31her eyes simply sparkle and her hair her hair cascades everywhere
36:37her hair cascades everywhere
36:50I told you, you want to see these new premises Alan's going after, you know?
37:09They're cosmic, they're modern, they're big.
37:11Yeah, you've told us about 30 times already.
37:14I ain't never seen a place, but I feel like I could give you a guided tour.
37:19Well, I'm excited, ain't I?
37:20I tell you, Alan, he's going places.
37:24He's not the only one that's going places.
37:26Here, Raquel, I'm going to get all the hours to come down to your first night.
37:30Hey, Raquel?
37:31Raquel?
37:32Sorry, what did you say?
37:33I said I'm going to get all the boys to come down to your first night, you know?
37:35Trigger, Boise, Rodney, me, the lot.
37:38And then when you come on stage, we're all going to give you a big cheer.
37:40Like, we're all going to go, hooray!
37:42And that, what's his name, that, Adrian, think that you've got a fan club already, wouldn't he?
37:46Hey?
37:47Okay, thanks.
37:48Oh, cheer up.
37:49Girl, you got the part, didn't you?
37:52Yeah, I got the part, Albert.
37:53Yeah, here we go, then.
37:54Hey, oh, sweetheart, get that done.
37:56No, not for me, darling.
37:57Come on, sweetheart, come on, this is to celebrate your job, you know?
37:59I've got this letter to read.
38:00It's all the details of the player.
38:02I'd like to read it with a clear hair, darling.
38:04See you in a little while.
38:04Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right, then.
38:08What's that with her?
38:11I don't know.
38:12Ever since she's come back from that audition with that Adrian and all them other actors,
38:16she's been different.
38:18I don't know, maybe we embarrass her a saint.
38:21Oh, Raquel's not like that.
38:23You don't know, Rodney, a cravat and a codpiece can turn a girl's head.
38:26I'll get it.
38:33Hello?
38:35Alan.
38:36Yeah, I've just been telling Della and Albert about their new premises.
38:38I was thinking, if we...
38:39What letter?
38:43Oh, yeah, that letter.
38:45Yeah, let me explain.
38:46It was, well, it was a token, a gesture.
38:50Yeah.
38:50Well, the situation that existed then between Cassandra and I
38:54may have been causing you some embarrassment
38:55and, well, I just wanted you to know that I was aware of it.
38:59Yeah.
39:01Mm-hmm.
39:04Fine.
39:05Uh, just let me get this straight, Ellen.
39:08When you say you've accepted my letter of resignation,
39:10what exactly do you mean?
39:15I see, yes.
39:25You handed in your resignation.
39:29I thought it was best.
39:31You stupid little blonker.
39:35That's the bestest job you've ever had or ever liked it,
39:38or ever liked it, or haven't you?
39:38You've chucked it away.
39:39Listen, I am in control of my own destiny.
39:43I am my own man.
39:44I make my own decisions in this world.
39:46And why did you resign?
39:48Because he told me to.
39:51I never said a word.
39:53Well, you told me about that bloke on the boat
39:55who put in his resignation to get out of a court-martial.
39:57Well, that was different, son.
39:58How?
39:59Well, he got away with it.
40:00I didn't think Ellen would accept my resignation.
40:07But he did.
40:08Yeah, I know, he did.
40:11I thought I was too important to the firm.
40:13But you weren't.
40:14Yeah, I know.
40:15I won't bloody know now, don't I?
40:16Yeah, all right, all right.
40:17Calm down, then.
40:18Calm down.
40:21Give Ellen a bell,
40:22see if I can get him to change his mind for you.
40:23It's too late.
40:24Huh?
40:25He's already found somebody to replace me.
40:27Well, that was bloody quick, wasn't it?
40:28It's my assistant.
40:30Your assistant?
40:32What, that little kid?
40:34Yes.
40:35That snotty-nosed Herbert who's just left school?
40:39Yes.
40:40Elvis?
40:43Yes.
40:44He's doing what you were doing?
40:46Yes.
40:48Elvis, he ain't daft.
40:49Still, there's no worry about him winning blockbusters, though, is there?
40:53Oh, dear.
40:55He was the one that thought sugar diabetes was a Welsh flyweight.
41:00Look, he is just filling the gap until Alan finds someone of my expertise to take over.
41:07It's just strange that they should replace you with a silly boy.
41:10Why don't you just stay out of this, Albert?
41:12Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi.
41:13Don't you talk to an old war hero like that.
41:15Well, he's getting on me bloody nerves going on and on.
41:18It's your own fault, Rodney.
41:19You've got no one else to blame.
41:21You've got a lovely wife, a lovely flat, the bestest job in the whole world, and you blew it.
41:25Who was that bloke you was having lunch with today?
41:36That was just one of Raquel's artistic friends.
41:39What?
41:40What bloke's that, then, Dale?
41:41You shut up, stay out of this, Albert.
41:43OK.
42:06Yeah, fine.
42:08Read your letter about your play, then?
42:10Yeah, I've read it.
42:13Look, sweetheart, if we've had a row, could you at least tell me about it?
42:19We haven't had a row. Everything's fine.
42:21It's not fine, Raquel. It's not fine.
42:23Ever since you came back from that audition with that Adrian and Jules and all them others,
42:27you've been different towards me.
42:29I mean, what is it?
42:30Aren't I as good as those actor cronies?
42:33Do I embarrass you? What?
42:34Don't be stupid, Dale.
42:35I am not stupid, Raquel. I'm not being stupid.
42:38Because I saw your face, you see.
42:39I saw your face when that Adrian asked me what I thought about Amlet.
42:44And I said I preferred Costellas.
42:48I saw your face.
42:49So, when do you start rehearsals and that, then?
43:03The tour doesn't start for another three months.
43:05Oh, well, that's all right then, isn't it, eh?
43:07Gives you plenty of time to meet some more of your intelligent, sensitive actor people, don't it?
43:13Derek, will you get it into your thick skull?
43:14Well, I'm not trying to meet intelligent and sensitive people. I'm happy with you.
43:22So, what's the problem then?
43:25Tour?
43:28Did you say this thing was a tour?
43:30That's right. It's a nine-week tour of the country.
43:33Oh, well, I didn't know that, did I?
43:35I mean, I didn't know that.
43:37I thought it was like, you know, a play that you put on local and...
43:40Oh, I see that now.
43:44Oh, that's it, is it?
43:46Right, eh?
43:48The lured of the big theatres.
43:50The applause, the applause, the show must go on and all that.
43:54We're not appearing in theatres.
43:57If you're not appearing in theatres, then where are you appearing?
44:00Schools.
44:02Schools?
44:02Yes, schools.
44:04It's a co-project between the Education and the Arts Councils.
44:07We're supposed to take Shakespeare to the inner cities.
44:09Imagine what it might have done for me.
44:11Yeah?
44:13Could have ended up being a dinner lady.
44:18Don't become like all the others, Del.
44:21Putting down every little dream I have.
44:27I'm not trying to put your dreams down, sweetheart.
44:32You know, I never do that.
44:33It's just that...
44:38I don't want you to leave me.
44:46I'm frightened you might not come back.
44:48I'm not going anywhere, Del.
44:51I'm turning the offer down.
44:55You can't do that, sweetheart.
44:57You can't do that.
44:59No, this is, you know, this is a golden opportunity, this.
45:03Don't worry about me.
45:03I'm just, you know, I'm just being a bit selfish, that's all.
45:06I can't do that to her, Del.
45:11Why not?
45:13Because I've read the play again and again
45:15and at no point does Shakespeare mention that Rosalind...
45:18is pregnant.
45:22It's always poetic license, isn't there?
45:24Did you say you was pregnant?
45:42I've done all the tests and everything, it's certain.
45:48Blimey.
45:51Are you angry?
45:52Are you angry?
45:54Are you angry?
45:57Are you angry?
46:13Hey, Albert, Albert, quick, come on.
46:16Give me the biggest bottle of champagne you can find out now.
46:18Bring it here.
46:19Come on, come quick, quick, quick.
46:20Rodney, all right, get out of bed, you ladies.
46:22Go, go, go, go, quick, come in.
46:24Here, here, here.
46:25Tonight we celebrate.
46:27Hooray!
46:28What angry?
46:30Three?
46:31Me angry?
46:33How can I be angry?
46:34I'm going to be a daddy.
46:37Oh.
46:39I tell you what I'm going to do.
46:39I'm going to phone everybody up.
46:40I'm going to phone them all up.
46:41I'm going to have a party.
46:42We're going to have a party.
46:42And we're going to fireworks.
46:43The biggest fireworks we've been.
46:44And we're going to celebrate.
46:45What's all the fuss about?
46:47What's happening?
46:48Calm down.
46:49Calm down, you two.
46:50Just calm down.
46:51Listen to me.
46:51I can answer one simple question, right?
46:56How many people do you see standing there?
47:01One.
47:03No.
47:06I see two.
47:07Well, you know what this means, don't you, Albert?
47:18No.
47:20Either Raquel's pregnant.
47:22Or Dale's pissed.
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